Masculinity Icons: Happy Birthday, James Dean

Today, February 8th, James Dean was born in 1931.

I’m working on a piece for Radical Masculinity about masculinity icons, particularly American icons (though I do have some plans to explore masculinity in other places too, in other columns).

James Dean comes up frequently as an icon, both as a traditional icon of American masculinity and as a personal icon. Take a look at the James Dean Lives tumblr for more photos and information about him, if you’d like. Good stuff over there.

I’m gathering ideas and statements for my in-progress (and vastly overdue) column currently, so I have a question for y’all: Who, in your opinion, are traditional icons of masculinity? Who are your personal icons of masculinity? What kind of traits do these icons portray? What kind of traits do you think icons of masculinity should portray? What makes someone (a guy, a cis-gendered guy in particular) a butch icon, or a radical masculinity icon, or a traditional masculinity icon?

I love pondering this stuff.

Related:

Introducing: Mr. Sexsmith’s Other Girlfriend

I’m starting a second column, writing weekly for Eden Fantasys web magazine Sex Is called Mr. Sexsmith’s Other Girlfriend, focused on New York City.

Mr. Sexsmith’s Other Girlfriend: A small-town Alaskan butch navigates queers, sex, and kink in her ongoing love affair with The Big Apple, a.k.a. The Naked City, New York. … Everyone knows I’m dating Kristen and living it up in New York City, but not everyone knows I grew up in Alaskan rainforest at the bottom of a mountain and have struggled with the vice, fast pace, and sensory overload of the concrete jungle. Here’s my ongoing saga of navigating life, love, gender, sex, kink, and really good food on an artist’s budget, all while trying to change the world through social activism.

Here’s an excerpt from the first column, The Myth of New York:

If New York City was on Facebook, our relationship status would say “It’s Complicated.” I love her, I do; I have idolized her since I was a kid, watching all my favorite cheesy eighties movies like Big Business, The Secret of My Success, and Big, over and over again. Our culture mythologizes her, paints her as the place to be, so full of potential. She might even be The One.

Everyone comes to New York seeking something very similar: belonging. Especially in the communities in which I run—the queer, the kinky, the subversive, the social change junkies—we have all come from other places, other more small-minded, limited, restrictive places, hoping that the Great Mythology of New York will hold true for us, too: “Give me your tired, your poor, / Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free …” wrote Emma Lazarus in her famous poem “The New Colossus,” printed on the Statue of Liberty.

Read the whole thing over on Sex Is, and keep an eye out for the upcoming articles, including How To Survive Your First Year in New York City.

Related:

Lesbian Sex Mafia Workshop! Gendering Power 2/19

Come join me at the Lesbian Sex Mafia’s February workshop!

LSM Presents: Gendering Power: How to Spice Up Your Role Play
with Sinclair Sexsmith

Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th Street (bet 7th and 8th Ave.)
When: Friday, February 19, 2010 at 8:00-10:00PM
Cost: $5/LSM members, $10/Non members

An interactive workshop on how the addition of gender to power dynamics in sexual role play scenarios can increase desire, vulnerability, and intimacy, as well as explore deep inner personal gender identities.

Related:

New Book! Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica

Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica Edited by Tristan Taormino is due out February 16th, and I have a story in it! (I believe it is The Diner on the Corner, also published in Best Lesbian Erotica 2009.)

There are very few books exclusively focused on butch/femme erotica—Back to Basics edited by Therese Szymanski is the only one I can think of—and I’m thrilled to see another one come into print. Cannot wait to get my hands on it!

“Butch/femme is erotic iconography. Butch/femme is bulging jeans, smeared lipstick, stiletto heals, and sharp haircuts. It’s about being read and being seen. Sometimes it’s about passing or not passing. It’s about individual identity and a collective sense of community. It’s personal, political. It’s a sexual electricity and power exchange. It’s the visceral space between the flesh and the imagination.” — from the introduction by Tristan Taormino

From Cleis Press’s page about the new book:

Does the swagger of a confident butch make you swoon? Do your knees go weak when you see a femme straighten her stockings? In Sometimes She Lets Me, Tristan Taormino chooses her favorite butch/femme stories from the Best Lesbian Erotica series.

Even if you think you know what goes on in the bedroom between femmes and butches, these 22 stories will delight you with erotic surprises. In Joy Parks’ delicious “Sweet Thing,” the recently arrived town librarian shows a butch baker some new tricks in bed. On a chase through the woods, the stud in “Tag!”, by D. Alexandria, find her baby girl by scent alone. And the girl in a pleated skirt gets exactly what she wants from her Daddy in Peggy Munson’s “The Rock Wall.”

Includes contributions by Alison L. Smith, Joy Parks, S. Bear Bergman, Amie M. Evans, Samiya A. Bashir, Rosalind Christine Lloyd, Kristen Porter, Tara-Michelle Ziniuk, D. Alexandria, Anna Watson, Shannon Cummings, A. Lizbeth Babcock, Sparky, Elaine Miller, Isa Coffey, Skian McGuire, Jera Star, Toni Amato, Peggy Munson, Sandra Lee Golvin, and Sinclair Sexsmith.

Tristan Taormino is an award-winning author, columnist, editor, and sex educator. She is the editor of Hot Lesbian Erotica and fourteen editions of Best Lesbian Erotica series as well as the author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Tristan is a former columnist for the Village Voice and currently has a column in Taboo; her writing has appeared in Velvet ParkVibeSpectator,The Advocate, and more than 15 anthologies. She has been featured in more than 200 publications, including the New York TimesRedbookCosmopolitanGlamourEntertainment WeeklyDetailsNew York magazine, Men’s Health, and Playboy. She has also appeared on CNN, MTV, Oxygen, the Discovery Channel, The Howard Stern Show, Real Sex, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, Scarborough Country, and over 50 radio shows. Tristan directed the adult videos the Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, Tristan Taormino’s House of Ass, and the Chemistry series. She lives in upstate New York. Visit Tristan at www.puckerup.com.

Related:

KinkForAll in Providence, RI!

First of all:

I totally admit to having stolen all of this text (below) about KinkForAll from Jack at Writing Dirty (keep refreshing until you get to the kneesocks header image, yum), though I presume it originated at the KinkForAll wiki, collectively written by the participants. Kristen and I are heading up to KinkForAll Providence this Saturday, February 6th, and I am extra looking forward to that gathering. If you haven’t been to a KinkForAll yet, you’re missing out—to be honest I’ve only been to one, the first in New York City, but I went away with many many ideas and had a wonderful time chatting with folks. Very much looking forward to attending again!

Second of all:

I am EXTRA excited to head to Providence to congratulate Megan Andelloux on the recent accomplishment, opening up the Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health. I’m not going to go into the details of how and why it was first denied the right to open, then finally permitted, but there are some articles over on Carnal Nation if you’d like to see what major work Megan has done to get an educational center in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Kristen lived up near there for quite a few years, and has experienced first-hand what the repression of the supposedly “open-minded” New Englander culture can be like, so she’s excited to check it out, too. I’m secretly hoping that KinkForAll will evolve into a party celebrating the CSPH. Or that Megan will take me up on that slot on her dance card that I once had my name on.

Third of all:

Sorry to have yet another post about an in-person event, rather than some article on gender or story on sex or erotica piece or any type of “real” content. I’m freakin’ busy! (I’m also doing a workshop at the Lesbian Sex Mafia on February 19th, and just launched a new weekly column called Mr. Sexsmith’s Other Girlfriend on Sex Is.) Real content in progress, and to come, as always, I promise.

Fourth of all:

Oh yeah, I might do a little workshop on gender at KinkForAll. Or maybe about something else. If you’re coming (or even if you’re not), what would YOU like to see me speak about for 20 minutes?

And now, the real point of the post: all the information you could possibly need about this weekend’s KinkForAll.


KinkForAll is an ad-hoc educational unconference about the convergence of sexuality with the rest of life for anyone and everyone. It is 100% free and open to the public. Anyone with the desire to learn or with something to contribute is welcome and invited to participate.

Vitals
What: A free and highly social day of sexuality education and discussion.
Why: To inspire a creative, interactive and open environment where everyone feels comfortable talking and learning about all things that sexuality relates to in their lives.
When: February 6th, 2010 at 10:00 AM
Where: Brown University, Wilson Hall, Main Green in Providence, Rhode Island
Who: Everyone
How much: FREE (as in beer as well as freedom)

Details
KinkForAll is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people of all persuasions to share and learn in an open environment. It is a fast-paced event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. (It is inspired by the BarCamp community.)

ANYONE WITH SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE OR WITH THE DESIRE TO LEARN IS WELCOME AND INVITED TO JOIN. When you attend, be prepared to share with others. When you leave, be prepared to share it with the world.

A KinkForAll is a special kind of gathering because there are no spectators, only participants. Attendees must give a talk or a presentation, help with one, or otherwise contribute in some way to support the event. This is called sharing and we like it. All presentations are scheduled the day they happen—there are no pre-scheduled presentations or keynote addresses. The people present at the event will select the presentations they want to see.

Anyone can lead a session, on any topic related to sexuality. You do not necessarily have to teach a new skill or idea. You might share an experience, facilitate a discussion, or read a poem. The goal is to start a conversation, make connections (and maybe even friends), and exchange knowledge. Presentations promoting specific commercial products or companies are discouraged.

Learn more about what to expect at wiki.kinkforall.org/WhatToExpect

Learn more about the event guidelines at wiki.kinkforall.org/TheRulesOfKinkForAll

This activity is not sponsored by, associated with, or endorsed by Montgomery County Public Schools or Montgomery County Government.

Get Involved
We need your help in spreading the word. Please help by participating.

Here’s how:
1. Get excited by reading fellow participants’ topic ideas on wiki.kinkforall.org/KinkForAllProvidence
2. Add your name or handle to the list of participants
3. Join the mailing list and introduce yourself by emailing kinkforall@googlegroups.com
4. Show up!

Still have questions? Read the Frequently Asked Questions at wiki.kinkforall.org/FrequentlyAskedQuestions

or email kinkforall@googlegroups.com for more details.

KinkForAll Online
Participate online before the event at your favorite social networking web site:

Homepage: wiki.KinkForAll.org
Google: groups.google.com/group/kinkforall
Twitter: twitter.com/KinkForAll
Identica: identi.ca/kinkforall
Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/KinkForAll
Fetlife: fetlife.com/groups/2962

All organizational efforts are coordinated in public via the mailing list. Join for free and help turn ideas into realities!

groups.google.com/group/kinkforall

Related:

SXSW and Austin-bound in March

I’m going to be on a panel at this year’s SXSW festival in Austin, Texas in March, thanks to Trish Bendix of AfterEllen.com. Bil Browning from the Bilerco Project will join Trish and I on the panel, and Fausto from Feast Of Fun will moderate the discussion.

The panel is Engaging the Queer Community, and the description is “A discussion on maintaining successful and active blogs and social networking sites that are geared toward the LGBT community and its niches.” It’s set for 3:30pm on Saturday, March 13th, though the location is still TBA. Some of the questions the panel will attempt to discuss are:

How do you reach new readers?
How do you utlize social networking to reach the LGBT audience?
What can web series and video blogs do for your site?
What’s the best way to balance entertainment-focused content with relevant LGBT news stories and political issues?
How do you avoid getting your site blocked because of its gay/lesbian content?
How can you manage to address several generations that are all part of the same community?
How do you build an online community without becoming a social network rather than a journalism-based site?
What is the responsibility of LGBT blogs/websites/online communities?
How should the online world of the LGBT community deal with issues on “outing”?
How can LGBT sites with specific niches manage to not offend the other parts of the community (i.e. lesbian sites covering transgender issues, etc.)

Simple! No, just kidding. This is complex stuff, but very interesting. I’ve never been to Austin or to SXSW, I’m looking forward to it, though I’m already a bit overwhelmed by the number of panels that same day and the density of the event. I’ll be traveling with Kristen, which will automatically make it better.

I know it’s really expensive to come to SXSW, so if you’re in the Austin area and would like to come say hello, I’ll be doing a Sugarbutch meetup on Saturday, March 13th, probably at a dyke bar in the evening, 8pm.

I don’t have any other events planned while I’m visiting—though if you live there and want to book me to speak at your college, queer independent feminist bookstore, or sex shop, contact me mmkay? (I know that is extremely unlikely given that SXSW is going on, but hey, who knows.)

I won’t have as much time as I’d like to explore a new city that I’ve never visited, I think it takes more than a couple days to really get a feel for the place. I will be researching dyke bars, indie bookstores, sex shops, and public parks especially—those are my favorite places to visit when I see a new place. Any recommendations for me? Where should I go while I’m there? Also, food. What are the restaurants we should not miss? Are there any good vegetarian places?

So what do you say? Will you come share some Jameson with me in Texas?

Related:

Review: Under Bed Restraints

These Under Bed Restraints are easy—easy to install, easy to use, easy to implement into all sorts of sex play, easy to like. I suspected (from the packaging, mostly) that they would be cheesy, low quality, or not strong enough, but they are not. They’re not leather, and they don’t have metal buckles that make that delicious clanging sound against themselves, but the nylon and velcro buckles are nonetheless simple and strong.

I picked these up because Kristen doesn’t have a headboard at her place, and thought it might be fun to keep these on her bed. I was very right, it IS fun, and they went way beyond my expectations. It feels like I have even more permission to throw her around, tie her down, or rough her up when I know these are on the bed already and so easily accessible.

I did not think I would like these as much as I do (I guess I am snobby about bondage, I like the “real” stuff, the shibari rope and the heavy leather and metal cuffs), but now they are probably one of the top toys I recommend most, especially to folks who are interested in exploring more bondage.

Do I need to explain how it works? It is kind of a capitol I shape, with the cross-bars, where the long vertical strap goes under your mattress and on top of the boxspring, and the two horizontal straps have cuffs at either end, and stick out. (If you only had a mattress and no boxspring I think it would still work.) It can also be made into an upside down capitol T to put the bottom’s hands together above her head at the head of the bed. I like having Kristen’s legs tied, but to let her still use her hands—I like to feel her grasp at my shoulders, and sometimes I like to watch her get herself off.

Affordable ($45), easy, sturdy—these get my highest recommendation. Definitely a must in my toy box.

The Under Bed Restraints were sent to me to review from sextoy.com. Pick up the Under Bed Restraints or other bondage toys from sextoy.com, or your local queer feminist sex-positive independent shop.

Related:

Lipstick Blow Job

Kristen: perfect. well i will come by around 9 then. that is late for dinner but oh well
Sinclair: okay, will be home. that will be our one plan
Kristen: ok
Sinclair: that + a blow job
Kristen: oh yes. yay
Sinclair: so, wear lipstick
Kristen: to yoga? :-)
Sinclair: ha! probably putting it on after is better. but, if you like …
Kristen: hehe

She bought new lipstick recently, thanks to a Sugarbutch reader who recommended her particular shade. It’s bright, but lovely and femme, and it doesn’t come off on anything, even tacos.

She walked into my place wearing lipstick, still in her yoga clothes. Not the new lipstick, one of her others that is more sticky and means I tend not to kiss her when she wears it, lest she get it all over my mouth. Sometimes I don’t care about that, of course. But we kiss all the time, so the wanting-and-not-having is kind of fun, for a little while.

I’ve been craving roasted garlic lately so I spread some on some toasted bread, then baked some sweet potato and potato fries with cumin, and constructed a pretty decent veggie burger (sauteed onions, pepperjack, goddess dressing, sprouts, lettuce). (I’ve had this recent revelation that I really like sandwiches, so I’m indulging in that a little these days. Plus, Kristen is a new vegetarian, and is skeptical of the veggie burger, but I’m a big fan.) We may have also had a beer or three.

So we had a nice dinner. Enough about the food.

We cleaned up, did the dishes, had a few bites of ice cream. Her lipstick had mostly wiped off after eating and I pulled her close before going into my bedroom. Though much of the last few weeks has been a struggle, we are also closer, more clear, creating something lovely and excited to dip back into each other. My weekend with her went smoothly and the things that are coming up between us are more conversations than anxious explosions, which feels good, great, but I’ve been missing the power play, which we haven’t done much of lately. I’ve been careful, wanting to really recalibrate before taking too much on or slipping into the wrong places, but we have talked about how we both miss it.

In my bedroom, I slip on my cock while she reapplies her lipstick. I pull her on top of me as I lay down on the bed and kiss her neck, her face. She gets breathless. Sucks in air as her mouth waters and tongue swells, I can see it, despite her lips already being darkened. I slide two fingers into her mouth, feel her tongue, push them just past the first knuckle so she can lick around the pads with her tongue. She closes her eyes and moans.

“Hmm, you like that?”

She moans a little. It’s not really a question I expect an answer to.

“Ready to get that lipstick all over my cock?” She looks up at me, gasps and her chest collapses a little, shuddering and giving in toward me. I grab her hair. Our lips are nearly touching. I run my fingers down her cheek and jaw and notice a smear of lipstick that must’ve been on them, from putting them in her mouth.

“Yes, ohhh,” she breathes softly. “I want to make you feel good.”

I lay back on the bed, hand in her hair, the other on her shoulder or arm or wrist. She positions her mouth over my cock. rings her fingers around the shaft slowly as she lets her mouth water, parts her lips, watches it in her hand as if it is getting bigger at her touch. I practically feel it quivering. Underneath, my clit swells and strains to feel her lips, to be swallowed in her mouth too.

When her lips finally touch it, it is always a revelation, always a surprise, how much I feel it, how much tenderness is in her light kisses, the soft soft pillows of her inner lips, her sweet wet mouth and tongue. She coos a little and I can’t help but to moan, she gulps down thick breaths of air when she pulls her mouth up and off, holds my cock her in her hand softly. Licks just the tip with her tongue.

My cock is covered in rings of lipstick now, smeared around the head and the little ridges of the underside. She gulps it down again, pushes it all the way back into her throat and holds it there while I push and press and pulse against her, eyes rolling back until they close and my back arches to go farther, get deeper inside her.

She gags a little and pulls off, smooth and quick, smiles, looks at me, a little shy, a little desperate. She knows how hot this gets me. I know how much she likes to be stretched open, filled. She’s wet between her legs by now, she likes sucking cock that much.

She does it again, swallows deep, deeper now, her lips all the way to the base and grazing my harness. She holds it way far back in her mouth again and I am tempted to grab hold of her by the hair, start shoving in and out of her at my own pace. She wouldn’t mind. She would like it. I grip her hair but don’t pressure her head down, just remind her of my arm strength and presence and control.

She takes it as long as she can, then pulls back again, gasping a litlte, wipes the spit from her chin. Her lipstick is gone, smeared all over my cock.

“Kiss me,” I say, and sit up, pulling her toward me.

She rises to her knees to kiss me, her mouth sweet and swollen. I kiss her hard and long, wanting, eager, remembering the feel of being thick insider her and still feeling my dick swell.

I pull back. “Oh thank you, baby,” I say between kisses on her cheek and jaw and neck, “you do that so well, god, I love how you suck it.”

She smiles, hums a little in satisfaction, a little sheepish, cute, sweet. “You like that? Do I make you feel good?”

“Yes, yes baby, so much.”

“I like to do it.”

“Mmm, my sweet girl. Take your shirt off, let me up.” I lean back a little, shift my weight, and stand next to the bed as she slides her tee shirt and thin bra over her head. She still has pants on, too, comfortable black ones she wore to yoga earlier. She looks at me expectantly. “On your stomach,” I say, pushing her down and pulling her over toward me.

I want to fuck her mouth from the side of the bed.

I’m not actually sure that will work, but I want to try. It’s a very different angle than her being above me or on her knees in front of me. Luckily (and not by accident), my bed is on risers, raised just to my hip height. She stretches out sideways on the bed and I pull her forward, mouth to my cock, and keep my hand on her head to guide my cock in and out of it as she stretches her tongue forward and looks up at me. I shift my feet to get more power and thrust in again, hips bucking. I like this. Go figure. I like having control of the depth and speed. I like how she looks up at me with just a hint of discomfort in her eyes, a little bit nervous, not sure she wants me to keep going, but so turned on. Oh hell yeah I like this. I feel the tension building in my cunt and want to fuck her, want inside of her; I keep thrusting for a moment but want us to be more connected, want to suck at her lips and pinch her nipples and hold her down while pounding into her. I hold her head a little harder, cock against the back of her mouth, and pull out swiftly: “Take your pants off.”

She breaths heavy, gasping for the air filling her lungs, and lies back on the bed, slipping her pants down her legs. I strip off my harness and pull out my other cock, my favorite cock, the one I love to fuck with, that is a little thicker and longer than the one I’ve been using for her mouth. (Plus, I bet it’s not great to get lipstick in her.)

She watches me, and her hand hovers a little between her legs. She looks from my cock to my face, one of her hands up on her chest, arm brushing her nipples absently, now totally unclothed and a little chilly in my drafty bedroom. “Can I …?” She starts.

I’m still buckling, adjusting. She wants to touch her clit. “Sure,” I answer, watching her as she does.

When I finish strapping on, smooth some lube over my cock, and lie over her on the bed, she’s breathing heavy and arching her lower back, still touching her clit, watching me. I grip her inner thigh with one hand and guide my cock with the other, touching her lips and skin softly, feeling how wet she is. She’s murmuring “yes, yes, please, ohhh … ” and I’m trying to draw it out, to wait, looking up at her and smiling at her gasping, that arc in her body straining for me, for that moment of contact, of friction between us.

When I slide in, it is slow and fully, all the way, and I lie my weight down on her simultaneously, pushing my forearm down into her chest and shoulders. She closes her eyes, opens her mouth in a silent tense moan. She comes so easily, gets there so fast, I don’t want it to be over yet, not that I can’t keep going but I just want to drag it out a little longer, she hasn’t come yet and she doesn’t usually go this long without doing so. I slow down, deliberate and hard, but she just tightens and tenses until her pussy pushes my cock out of her completely.

“Oh, you done with that?” I tease her, kissing her pretty mouth, hand in her hair while I hold my cock with the other, touching it lightly to her slick lips and hole. “You got enough, you don’t want any more?”

“No no no,” she starts, small and steady, “I want it, I want it, give it to me … ”

“Please?”

Please, please, give it to me, put it back in my pussy, please fuck me with it, please … ”

I do, of course I do, slide it back inside, she lifts her knees high and rocks back her pelvis so I can get deeper, shoving inside as she throws her hands up and back to grasp at the blankets, the edge of the mattress, the headboard, as she pushes against me harder.

Minutes pass, I don’t know how long, I can lose myself in this part, the soft melding of our curves together and the rhythms we create while we circle in and out of each other, cycle through pressure and pain and pleasure, the kisses, the grasping at each other. She sometimes comes like this, I sometimes come like this, but neither of us do so after a few minutes (or ten or forty) I shift to my knees and pull her hips up higher, my hands grabbing hold of her inner thighs to pull her to and from me, pulse my cock in and out of her, slapping her thigh for surprise and that shocking spasm of sting before moving my fingers to her clit, flicking it gently, and she starts to shudder, mouth agape, shoulders and arms and wrists held tense and flailing as she clenches everything tight, tight, tighter, pushing my cock out again … until she releases, groans in a long moan, relaxes back, breathes hard, and reaches for me, eyes still closed, to come closer to her.

I wrap my arms around her, lay my body out over hers, and kiss her, both of us catching our breath, vibrating in the aftermath, until we’re ready to go at it again.

Related:

Review: Roulette Dirty South (DVD)

It didn’t take me long to watch Courtney Trouble’s new film Roulette Dirty South, I ripped it open the minute I got it in the mail from the production company, Reel Queer Productions. I’ve been looking forward to it since I heard Dylan Ryan was back with her real-life boyfriend Trucker Cash (since they made one of my favorite scenes of all time). And when I saw the trailer, I was thrilled:

Looks dirty, edgy, colorful, and fun—and it is. The film also stars April Flores (aka Fatty D) and Trouble and Pepper Sox, with fantastic music (as you hear in the trailer, Courtney Trouble has a great ear for these things—she was just nominated in the 2010 AVN Awards for Best Music Soundtrack for her former film Speakeasy) by Yes Please, Flexions, Jenny Hoyston in California Lightening, and Tami Hart. Roulette Dirty South also introduces a few other new performers (I particularly liked Charlie’s long brown hair all over her face while giving a blow job. Yes, very nice image).

I mostly watched this for the scene with Dylan and Trucker. I also really liked Pepper Sox—she was damn hot when she got fucked (I will have to find her other scenes. I think she’s Courtney’s partner?). I would watch Dylan’s scene again, Trucker fucks her ass toward the end of it (oops! I don’t mean to give it away) and I definitely liked that, but I doubt I’ll rewatch the rest of the scenes. Not quite my style. Still, the film is gritty and vibrant, and I’m glad to have seen it.


Dylan Ryan & Trucker Cash, photo by Courtney Trouble

Related:

Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2009

Remember when I used to do monthly roundup posts? I only did the first three months of 2009, which I actually kind of miss. Perhaps it’s something I’ll bring back.

So: what happened in 2009 here on Sugarbutch?

I’ve been dating Kristen, and in fact we were together all of 2009. Some of the dirtiest Kristen stories are here grouped together, though most of those occur in the first half of 2009, before my particularly difficult late summer and started playing with Daddy/girl play. I guess I wrote a little too vividly about Kristen, at times, because I got enough snarky comments and emails that I finally wrote some clarifying statements about what she represents in on getting girls off.

At the end of the year, I started giving Kristen homework, which prompted some questions about our d/s dynamic. I’m still working out the details on

(I did actually sleep with a few other girls aside from Kristen in 2009. Early on in the year, when we were starting out, our relationship was open. And, in the spring, Kristen and I had a threesome, which I did not write about here. I had hoped it would be our first of a few … but perhaps 2010 is the year for that.)

Aside from Kristen …

I won some awards in 2009! I got TWO Lezzy awards, for Best Gender Bender Blog and Best Sex/Short Story/Erotica Blog. I was also named to the Top Sex Bloggers list of 2009 for the second year in a row!

I launched Top Hot Butches in June, and that exploded in both good and painful ways. I initially included about a dozen trans men on this list, and that was a fairly poor choice, so I took them down, and wrote why I did so in on removing trans men from the Top Hot Butches list. I also contacted or was contacted by many of the trans men on the list, and in the end about half of them remained on the list (the other half I have not been in contact with; I did not hear from any trans men who were included on the original list saying that they wanted to be excluded).

After I went on a particularly transformative tantra retreat, I lost my job in July, though it didn’t officially end until September, when I was on administrative leave for the last few months of 2009. That meant that July and August were particularly I’m using the few months of cushion to launch my freelance work, which will be graphic design (like flyers, postcards, business cards) and web design (banners, ads, blog headers, blog templates) and writing.

I wrote a series called My Evolving Masculinity out of some of the difficulties and growing of the summer. Part One: Introduction, Part two: Yin & Yang, Part Three: “Daddy”, and Part Four: Personal.

I wrote a particularly vulnerable piece about what it’s like to come inside your lover as someone strapped on, and a piece asking, “is it a trans characteristic to wear a cock?” about cock-centricity and gender identity.

Apparently I didn’t write all that much on femme identity in 2009, but I did write a rather long, thorough piece On Femme Invisibility that I like quite a bit. I was also published in the Femmethology! Dacia recorded an mp3 version of my Love Letter to Femmes, and I kicked off the Femmethology blog tour.

I kept writing the Sugarbutch Star stories, but only wrote four out of five. In theory, there is one more coming, which I have started by not finished.

I tried to step up my posts on sexuality, bdsm theory, and domination and submission, and wrote some things I quite like, such as Sadism & the Study of PainHow do you get a dominant to dominate?, and Yes, No, and Consent.

Some more miscellany, from Sugarbutch and me around the web …

  • I curated the 15th Carnival of Sexual Freedom & Autonomy, which was my first major curation for a carnival, and I quite enjoyed it. I asked some specific questions about sexual freedom and sexual autonomy, and many different folks responded with beautiful essays on their own blogs. This was a lot of work, but I loved curating and recruiting and pulling various essays all together.
  • I launched MrSexsmith.com! This will be a place to keep track of my upcoming events and projects, outside of Sugarbutch. A portfolio of sorts.

  • I started a few different tumblr logs, but am focusing on one now: mrsexsmith.tumblr.com. The working description is something like “the personal media collection – images, video, songs, quotes – of Mr. Sinclair Sexsmith. Often featured are ribbons, pigtails, fishnets, lingerie, butches, and radical masculinity.” Generally, it’s all sorts of media and images that I like. The latest photo is currently featured over there in the sidebar.

  • I got a booking company! Phin Li Bookings is now representing me, and I am so thrilled to be doing more workshops and speaking engagements through them. What’s that? You’d like to bring me to your college or community center or local queer group? Well gosh, I’d love to! Let’s be in touch. You can find out about some of my workshops over on PhinLi.com and contact Seraphin of PhinLi Bookings, LLC at (646) 418-5152 or bookings (at) phinli (dot) com.

Other big news! Oh yeah, I write a column now!

I started writing for Carnal Nation in October, a column called Radical Masculinity. This is a major accomplishment, and a goal that I’ve wanted for a long time. I LOVE Carnal Nation and I love my editor, Chris, over there, and the pieces we’ve published so far are some of my favorite things I’ve written. I’ll always

I wrote a couple other things for Carnal Nation first, including being on their Perv Panel, which is on a hiatus. I wrote various pieces of advice, but I’m coming stronger to not really thinking I will pursue being an advice columnist. I like it, but I really don’t have time to get everything done that I’d like to as it is.

Oh yeah – I wrote product reviews, especially for sex toys. I think that might be a separate post, though – a roundup of all the products I reviewed, or a list of my favorites, might take a little time.

Whew! That’s a lot! Did I miss something? Also, what would you LOVE to see here in 2010?

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