miscellany, starred

Best of 2022 on Sugarbutch

2022 was a huge transition year for me.

In April, I changed the Patreon from per-thing to per-month, which significantly helped me work on longer form projects, and offer longer online groups/courses (3!). That changed how I was writing online significantly, and meant I published far less in 2022 than I have in the past. But it also meant that I had more time to work on longer writings and bigger projects.

The biggest thing, though, was that my 11-year 24/7 TPE Owner/property Daddy/boy relationship (and legal marriage) with rife ended in August. We’re still working out the details of the legal separation, but we’ve been living apart since October, and I moved into my own apartment (my first time living alone in my life!) in January. October through April were incredibly rough for me, and I’ve been in and out of emotional crashes that have me barely above water. My finances have completely changed, and I’m unsure if I will be able to keep writing here, or how. (I want to — I just have to also figure out how to afford Seattle rent and restart my entire life.) I would like to write more about this, but honestly, so far, it’s just been too hard to share.

But, some great things happened in 2022, too. Aside from the general Sugarbutch world, I have a few other ongoing projects, like:

Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 7, which I edited, came out in December! (I have no news about the BLE series from Cleis going forward, though — unsure if there’s a new editor or if they’ve paused the series.)

The erotic energy / somatics group I’m part of, EroSomatics, made some great leaps forward, and we’re planning to offer some workshops online (and maybe in person!?) in 2023.

But, even though I published way less than usual in 2022, and I

Without Further Ado: Here are the best posts of 2022 on Sugarbutch (& beyond)

Note about the password protected posts: The password is given to all the folks who support me on Patreon. Thank you, thank you, to all of you who have been supporting my work, either for a month or years, in all the ways you do it, whether with money or otherwise. It has been hugely supportive during this transition. If you love my work, please sign up to support me here, so I can keep writing, publishing, & sharing things with all of you.

On Writing Erotica

“Any tips for developing the time/habit/discipline to write regularly?” … This is an age-old question for not only writers, but everyone seeking a creative life. There are dozens of books about famous writer’s daily routines, and this is a frequent question asked of writers in interviews. And for good reason — modern daily life is absolutely not set up to prioritize creative play or the spaciousness needed to create. So how do we do it? … Maybe most importantly, how do you do it? Here’s my best ideas and resources about this. — On Developing a Writing Habit

Reading and writing erotica can be an act of rebellion. … We were not taught about sex as a pleasurable act. We were not taught about being in our bodies as something exciting, personal, pleasurable, fun. We were not taught about masturbation, kink, queer sex, or any of the thousands of ways that bodies go together and explore. When we read (and write!) erotica, we take a little bit of that shame away. We claim our birthright of pleasure, as a being in this corporeal body. We stake our right to desire freely, to fantasize, to ponder what would feel amazing to us (or to our characters). — Write the Erotica You Want To See In the World

In the Writing Spicy class in spring 2022, I invited people to honor the names of the people who came before them, people who wrote or created content around queer kink, reclaiming sexuality, and more. It became a powerful list — no, more than a list: a powerful digital altar. It acknowledges our collective lineage, and how much work people have done in order to get us to a place where we can write and publish as freely as we can. — The Lineage & Ancestry of Queer Kinky Erotica


CN: masturbation, zoom dates, some dirty talk including slurs (bitch, cunt, whore), D/s and power dynamics. All characters are over 18 and consenting adults. … I tried to forget you were there. Watching me. Or, you could be, any time you looked over from your work meeting to our Zoom window. I tried to just fuck myself and get off how I would if no one was watching. I flung my arm over my eyes, I let myself bite my upper arm. … I couldn’t entirely forget, ever, of course. I wanted you to see me, wanted to distract you, wanted your attention on me. (Fuck, how I crave that gaze of yours, that way you look at me as if I am the only thing that matters.) The sound was muted, but you know my noises well enough by now. You could fill in the moans and growls, the gasps and heavy breathing. — Switch (protected)

For International Ms Leather/Bootblack 2022, I organized some erotica reading recordings by some incredible talented kinky erotica readers. Here’s the video I put together, of my two stories. — Best Lesbian Erotica – Queer Kink Erotica Reading Video

D/s & Kink Theory

Have y’all come across the phrase “wholesome kink” lately, or at all? … I’ve noticed a rise in it, personally. And I’ve been thinking a lot about whether it’s the right phrase to describe some of the things I/we do, or want to do, or whether “wholesome” is just the wrong word, and that it is inherently an oxymoron to call any kind of kink “wholesome.” — Is Kink Ever “Wholesome”?

I have been in dynamics as a daddy with both a girl and a boy, and these are my thoughts about the fundamental differences of them. … Honestly, my main opinion and point is that they are not that different. They are different primarily because they are two dynamics with two different people, and each Daddy dynamic — each D/s dynamic in general — manifests differently, based on the D and s that are in that dynamic. — How Are Daddy/boy and Daddy/girl Different? (protected)

So you’re a nonbinary person — and you’re kinky! Fantastic. The kinky world of pleasure, sensation, trust, intimacy, and intensity is open to you. Often, there are a lot of expectations for what kind of kink men are into, and what kind of kink women are into (these are stereotypes, and often incorrect). In my experience, nonbinary people have an easier time deconstructing the expectations of the binary gender roles and diving in to really discover what it is they particularly like. You don’t have to subscribe to any of the gender role expectations of what kind of kink men and women “should” enjoy — and this gives you a leg up. You get to make your own treasure map. You get to make your own path. — 9 Tips for Nonbinary Folks Navigating BDSM Community on Zipper Magazine

Smutty Things by Amazing Writers (Guest Posts)

CN: daddy/girl, age play, spanking, fingering, good girl. “I understand it was an accident,” she says, her eyes dancing with mock seriousness, “but you know you’re meant to be careful when you’re colouring in. What do you think will make you remember to be more careful next time?”

“I…” I bite my lip and look down at the pattern on my ankle socks, scuffing one foot over the other, my toes curling as I hesitantly finish my sentence. “I think I need to have my bottom spanked.” — Golden Hour, by Anna Sansom

CN: marriage proposal, transmasc/femme, top surgery, daddy/girl, age play, blow job, fingering, strap-on, fucking, crying, D/s, possession.

When they meet my eyes their expression has changed into something I have only ever seen once or twice in our relationship. It is a fierce desire that paints their face; a desire so strong that I know they have gone there in order to keep the overwhelming emotions at bay. When Cam gets that look, I know they need to go somewhere darker, somewhere kinkier, and my breath catches in my throat at the prospect. … I meet their eye and nod. Telling them whatever it is they need right now, I will give it to them. — All Of This, Guest Erotica by A. L. Brooks

CN: slut, slapping, consensual non-consent, degradation, crying after sex, unhealthy relationship, force, sadism. “Tell me you’re sorry,” I say. They could be apologizing for anything. For being a slut. For being a brat. For making me violent. For dragging me out here on a rainy weekday night, though really they never ask me to come, I bring myself here. Their sin is irrelevant because we are both just here for the punishment. … They don’t say it, and the omission is permission. I thrust again, harder, and their voice breaks as they cry out. — All Villain, All Bully, Guest Post by Kel Hardy

CN: sex, explicit daddy/boy language and roles, and sexual foot play. I am at your feet, of course. I’m not allowed a vibe, not yet, so I’m stroking with my fingers and I have a toy inside, filling me. I am watching dutifully but key sneaking glances up at you. … You are filling the couch with your bulk, big thighs spread powerfully. You palm the dick you are wearing while the full size vibrator underneath rumbles the dick you are not wearing. You push it tighter against your skin and then pull it up and away rhythmically. You lick your lips and settle back in to the leather cushions. … I feel the weight of your calf as you drape your bare foot across my strong bare shoulder. I turn my head to the side and give a tentative lick. You moan deeply and press your toes between my soft sweet lips. I let you in. — At Daddy’s Feet, Guest Post by rife (protected)

Personal Things

When I was 23, I wrote a poem called “The Right One,” and I performed it (a lot) for the next 8 years or so. I haven’t done it much lately, but I dusted it off for a few performances in 2022. Here’s a video of it, and the words. — The Right One

when we lived in the big brown house
with the sun-baked deck
too hot to walk out there barefoot
though I did it anyway

I thought I was miserable
but when I look back
I think I was happy

— Sun-Baked Deck (protected)

“There’s a common story that when relationships end, they have failed. But I strongly believe that isn’t the case.” This is the post where I talk about the end of my 11 year Owner/property, Daddy/boy, D/s relationship with rife. — Graduation (protected)

Workshops & Teaching

I ran a lot of online workshops in 2022! Most significantly, I ran Writing Spicy, the online erotica writing group, twice — and, holy shit, some incredible writing came out of that. I also ran D/s Playground, the online course rife and I began in 2014. It’s always such deep, incredible conversations about D/s and power exchange, about the realities of surrender and power, and about how to navigate all the external forces that knock us around. Writing Spicy continues to inspire me so much — each time I read through everyone’s final works, I feel like I really should step up my own erotica writing. They’re so good! (I have dreams of a Writing Spicy anthology, but that’s in the future.)

Thanks to everyone who read my work (& continues to), to all of you who have been working with me 1:1 or in writing groups or D/s groups. Special thanks to everyone who supports me on Patreon, too. Thank you.

Can’t wait to see what 2023 will bring!

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

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