The Sugarbutch Guide to Cock Confidence

Strapping on is not just mechanics. It’s embodiment — the act of making something external genuinely yours. Not a toy you’re borrowing. Not a prop. Yours.

This is a collection of essays, how-tos, and gear reviews built over twenty years of wearing a cock, teaching workshops, and coaching people to find what actually works — for their body, their desires, their partners, and their sense of who they are when they strap on.

It’s for anyone who straps on, regardless of gender, anatomy, relationship structure, or reason. Butches and femmes, trans men and trans women, nonbinary people, straight couples, dykes, bottoms who fuck back, service tops and Daddies and boys. All bodies have holes. All bodies can wear a cock. That’s the premise.

If you’re new here, start with the essentials. If you’re returning, use the sections below to find what you’re looking for.

Start Here: The Essentials

These are the pieces I’d hand to someone who was brand new — or to someone who’s been strapping on for years and wants to think about it more deeply. They’re the heart of the series: the philosophy, the embodiment, the desire, the practice.

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments The foundational philosophy. All bodies have holes. Use sexy words. Make it an extension of your body. Know your harness. Get your own cock. These ten principles have shaped everything else I’ve written on the subject, and they hold up.

The Sacred Act of Going Inside Someone Else’s Body Penetration as intimacy. The body as sacred space. What it means to be trusted with access, and how to hold that trust.

Will Anyone Else Want Strap-On Sex the Way I Do? On finding partners who match your desire, on strap-on sex as its own erotic vocabulary, on the particular longing of wanting something so specific and wondering if you’re alone in it.

Making Your Strap-On Part of Your Body How to go from “wearing a toy” to genuine embodied extension. Both practical and philosophical — because those two things are not actually separate.

Feeling Yourself: Getting Acquainted With Your New Strap On For the very beginning. What to do when you first bring it home, before you involve anyone else. Wear it around the house. Jerk off with it. Get to know it.

Identity & Philosophy

What it means to wear a cock. Who it’s for. What it does to gender, desire, and how we understand ourselves.

How-To & Technique

Questions people actually have, with real answers.

Harness Reviews & Guides

A harness is the most important piece of gear you’ll buy. It needs to fit your body, stay stable during use, be easy to clean, and ideally feel like something you’d actually want to wear. Here’s what I’ve tested and what I’d recommend.

Guides:

Reviews:

Harness care:

Dildo Reviews

The right cock for your body and desires is deeply personal. Size, material, shape, color, and what it means to you all matter. Here’s what I’ve tried.

Guides:

Reviews, by maker:


Vixen Creations:

New York Toy Collective:

Tantus:

Double-ended & dual:

Other:

Packing

Packing is its own practice with its own pleasures and its own gear considerations. Whether you pack daily, for special occasions, or just to see what it feels like, here’s the relevant reading.

Specialty: Ejaculating, Uncut & Other

Ejaculating dildos:

Uncut:

Fisting & DIY:

Prosthetics:

Clit pumps:

Inspiration

The erotica. Stories where the cock is present, where strapping on is part of the erotic texture of what’s happening.

  • You’ll Get What’s Coming — Content: spit, strap ons/prosthetics, desperation, neediness, fucking, D/s. The particular pleasure of a person who likes it when it hurts.
  • Whatever I Want, Whatever I Say — the narrator has borrowed someone’s submissive for the night, and intends to use her exactly as the title suggests.
  • Did I Say You Could Touch Me? — making them wait, controlling exactly what they get and when they get it. Strap-ons, desperation, and the specific charge of being denied by someone who knows precisely what they’re doing.
  • What I Will Call You, by Macsen K. Rhaff — Daddy/boy, cock play, a boy on his knees with his mouth full of silicone and his eyes full of wanting to please
  • All Of This, by A.L. Brooks — transmasc/femme, Daddy/girl, strap-on; about a proposal and what comes after it, which is everything
  • Review: Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes (DVD) — not fiction, but it belongs here: a film review that’s also a meditation on watching strap-on sex done by people who clearly want to be doing exactly that

Want More Cock Confidence?

I teach workshops on strap-on sex, cock embodiment, and using your cock to its fullest potential — both in person and online. If you want to be notified when new content goes up or when workshops are scheduled, put your email below.

Questions about something you don’t see here? Ask me.

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