advice, cock confidence, reviews

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: Tomboi vs RodeoH brief-style harness?

Dear Mr. Sexsmith,

Have you tried the Spare Parts Tomboi Harness? I saw your review of the RodeoH and agree with the lack of clit stimulation. I was wondering how the Tomboi compares. Would love your feedback before spending $80 on it if you have any!


Hi Luke!

Yes, I have tried the Tomboi harness. I think it’s better than the RodeoH in fabric and fit—the RodeoH is so much cut like girl panties, not like boy briefs, that drives me nuts particularly. But just like the RodeoH, there’s no particular tight fabric that goes near my bits like on a regular harness (of any fabric), and it really doesn’t do much for my own stimulation. The hole for the dildo to go through is also quite high—most harnesses are made for them to ride on the pubic bone, not get right aligned with the clit or lower, so it’s hard to have sensation from the back of the cock/base of the cock, too.

Your milage may vary, of course! And both the RodeoH and Tomboi leave pretty decent room for good access under a cock for your own bits to be stimulated, so that is a plus for a lot of people.

But for me, I know I need a lot of direct contact, kind of hard, and often repeated, so it’s really hard for me to use any brief or underwear harnesses to have enough stimulation to get off. I definitely think the Tomboi is better quality and will last much longer (I’ve had RodeoH’s fall apart after just one or two times through the washer). Still, it’s a lot. If you are going to invest, I’d wait for one of those sales days that Babeland or Good Vibes has—often online, often around the holidays—and at least cut it down in price.

I do think it’s super fun for packing and wearing a dick out. Oh—and I do think wearing a cock that has balls can sometimes increase the sensation, too, since sometimes the balls hang low enough to stimulate me a little more. Just one last thought

I hope that’s helpful! And hope you find a good harness that works well for you.


The Spareparts Tomboi briefs harness

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

14 thoughts on “Ask Mr. Sexsmith: Tomboi vs RodeoH brief-style harness?”

  1. rife says:

    You can fit balls in that? o.O

    1. Sinclair says:

      Well yeah! The fabric is quite pliable, so, you know, quite a few things can get stuffed in there.

  2. Tracy says:

    Who makes these things??

    How hard would it be to manufacture a strap-on that can place pressure on the giver’s clit? Really? Is it that difficult that the world’s best minds must step up??

    Ok- I do not make toys- but just looking at (& using) them, I generally say– “if there was just this little bit here…”, or- “if that little bit could also pocket a small bullet vibe….”…


    I’m thinking it’s guys all making this stuff?

    1. Sinclair says:

      Hey Tracy! Definitely some of the harness companies are run by & designed by guys, but RodeoH is made by a really cool woman, and SpareParts is too. Aslan Leather (my personal favorite) is also run by a trans guy who is very well versed in anatomy. And, all three of those companies are fairly accessible. They are small companies, I don’t know how many employees but I have used the contact form on their websites and started corresponding with the owner. These companies—especially feminist, queer-friendly, woman-positive, sex-positive ones like these—are often way smaller than they might seem from the outside.

      For the record, SpareParts does have bullet vibe pockets in a LOT of their products. The Tomboi does have a little pocket, but it’s in the waistband and not against the wearer’s parts, so that doesn’t help here, but in many of their other products they do have a pocket.

      I think a lot of people buying/wearing harnesses do have the opposite problem of too much stimulation, so maybe that influences this. I have no idea what the percentages are of people who tend to have too much vs not enough (vs just right) … I suspect the too much and just right camps are in the minority, and the majority don’t have enough.

      But yes there are many harnesses that include pockets for bullet vibrators.

      1. Sinclair- do your Tombois not have the bullet pockets above and below the o-ring? Mine does! The little waistband pocket on mine is in addition to that, and is more for condoms or for the battery pack on a vibrating egg stle bullet. Curious if yours doesn’t have the same features- mine are the micro-modal cotton, as I really dislike the swimsuit material for briefs harnesses.

        1. Sinclair says:

          Lorax: You are amazing with the toys. I *thought* the Tomboi had a pocket, but I couldn’t find mine, nor could I confirm that online. I knew it had a little condom pocket and was fairly sure it had a place for a bullet. Regardless, this just confirms what I already knew: that you know more about toys than anybody else. Thanks for weighing in.

          1. Tracy says:

            “Sinclair- do your Tombois not have the bullet pockets above and below the o-ring? ”


            What’s the answer? Do they- or do only certain fabrics have the pockets? And are either of the pockets located anywhere near the wearer’s clit area??

            Enquiring minds want to know!


          2. Sinclair says:


            YES THEY DO, after much waiting (um it’s been multiple months oops). I tend not to think of that area as a “pocket” so much as the “where the cock goes in”, so that’s just my bad, misusing the product. Sorry for the confusion y’all!

            (I seriously thought I replied to this months ago. I meant to! Sorry about that!)

  3. Queer Preacher says:

    I like the Tomboi harness for the security it offers for vigorous fucking, but I agree — there is not much stimulation for the wearer. I also like that it comes in real plus sizes, which is super affirming. I’d like to see SpareParts come out with a crotchless Tomboi for times when I want the person giving me a blowjob to have access to my bits. Working around or through those shorts is impossible!

    1. Sinclair says:

      Ohh I love the idea of a crotchless version!

  4. jay says:

    I have a rodeoh boxer briefs harness where the hole is much lower, which is great for sensation (got my first strap-on orgasm that way) but I actually prefer it generally a bit higher for logistical reasons. Namely that I am a chubby girl and if my dick is too low, I can’t see it past my gut. Ha! Plus I find I get more depth of penetration when it’s positioned higher but that seems to have something to do with the way my hips are aligned.

    Either way, I’m pretty loyal to rodeoh because I’ve never had a problem with a harness, and they’re also incredibly friendly, nice people with great customer service, which tends to make me say TAKE MY MONEY.

  5. Hi Sinclair-
    Thanks for mentioning Babeland. The Tomboi harness has two (20 pockets for a bullet vibe, both inward facing. One is above and one is below the hole for the dildo.

    Everything on our site is 15% percent off today, plus free shipping on orders over $50.

  6. Beaux domineaux Cormier says:


Leave a Reply