Are you so broke-ass that you can’t afford the Broke Ass Package?
(I am too sometimes.) I don’t want the money to get in the way of you coming to play at the Submissive Playground! So, as a celebration of doms and butch tops and daddies (and mommies and femme tops and all the kind of bad-ass D-types), over Father’s Day weekend, Submissive Playground’s Broke Ass Package is on a sliding scale, from $150-61. Pay whatever amount within there that you can afford, and you can come play with us!
That’s how much I calculated (with my accountant, aka Mint.com) that it costs me to run the course per person. If I let you take it for any less than that, I’m actually paying to let you take the course. At $61, I don’t make any money, but I don’t go in the red, either—I break even.
Update! And quick switcheroo
Gumroad shut down my account due to violating terms of service, because my content is sexually explicit. I will probably make a big to-do about it later, after I get through the weekend, but for now, HERE’S THE NEW DEAL:
1. Click to make a donation to me / Submissive Playground
2. Enter an amount between $61-1,500,000
3. You will be enrolled for the Broke-Ass Package of Submissive Playground.
(Broke-Ass? Hey, wait! I want to see all my options first!)
The fine print!
This Sliding Sale is limited! (It will probably sell out!) Pick it up quick if you want to take part.
The Sliding Sale will self-destruct in 2 days (at 6pm PST on Sunday, Father’s Day). After that, it’ll go back to the regular price of $150.
If you ordered on Gumroad, don’t worry! You are still signed up! I will be in touch with all of you within this week.
Registration for the Submissive Playground’s summer session is open until June 30, 2014.ecourse, father's day, not a class or a workshop exactly—it's an experience, online exploration, sliding sale, special for you, submissive playground
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My dad died a little more than two years ago, suddenly, of a heart attack. He was 60, and not in perfect health, but I was under the impression it was improving.
It was a serious shock. My world was turned upside down. I have lost people before, breakups, deaths, sudden shocks—but I’ve never experienced anything like this before. My world unraveled, my sanity unraveled. Grief has been a fascinating process. I have been writing constantly about it, though I’ve only been publishing about 10% of it.
It has changed everything, to lose my dad (and then my partner), and I’m still getting back on my feet.
This is the third father’s day without him. It’s different—being a Daddy in the leather-kink way to this boy whose adoration and devotion I strive every day to deserve, and to whom I offer my adoration and devotion too—it means I think about Father’s Day in a dirty intimate way that is completely different from my own relationship. And yet, when the words are the same, how different are they really? But they are. And they’re related. Maybe they come from the same wound, somehow, or from the same deep need, from the same crevasse filled with diamonds that can slowly be excavated with the right tools. I’m just poeting here, I don’t really know.
As someone who always had a decent if somewhat complicated relationship with my family-of-origin genetically-related dad, Father’s Day was only a moment to call him, say hey, talk about the latest TV sitcom or how his business was going. But now that I’ve got this other relationship to the day, I am feeling into all of you out there who are fatherless kids, who are unfathered or under-fathered, who are fathers or daddies or papas or poppys yourselves, who have that masculine paternalism to whomever or from whomever in your life. It’s more complicated than the Father’s Day of my first 32 years would have told me. I
I was hoping to write up a gift guide for butch daddy presents, but honestly, my feelings are in the way of any masculine accessory thing. You can always check out Butch Basix for inspiration, and search for belt buckles, cuff links, cigar holders, dopp kits, collar stays, or ties at Etsy, and I bet you’ll come up with a thing or two.
Pro Etsy tip: if your butch daddy has some particular love of birds or Texas or motorcycles, put in “cufflinks+motorcycles” or “birds+belt buckles” and get something really rad. If all else fails, add “customize” to any of those and get something with their initials.
I’m actually in Phoenix this weekend, at a leather boy retreat, so I’m curious to see what will come up around Father’s Day for me in the next few days. I’ll be over here, writing. I hope your brunch is epic and your love is radiant.
Here’s a couple things to read for your Father’s Day weekend:
- My Father’s Son, a poem about my relationship with my dad
- Cornea (My Father’s Eyes), a poem about what my dad being an organ donor and what happened after his death
PS: I love you, boy.accessories, butch accessories, butch basix, butch daddy, check etsy.com for any sort of belt buckle that you'd ever want, daddy, etsy is my favorite place for gifts, father's day, gifts, grief and healing, I am still mourning the loss of my girl, it's still weird to say 'my dad died', mourning, my boy rife, papa, poppy, ps I love you
Announcing: The winner of the Submissive Playground giveaway for the summer session is: Yasha!
Thanks to all of you who wrote notes and about your submission and why you’re interested in the course … you may’ve thought you were just writing “blah blah blah” but actually I read every. Single. Thing and I am really curious about your stories. Every time somebody commented, I would say, “Oh! I wish they could come play too!” Seriously I want you all to join me/us in this course, it would be way better if you were here.
Here’s a few of the things you wrote:
Hmm…dreadfully curious about this class. I was the first time around as well.
I have been looking for ways to expand my skills!
I am a poor college student that would love to learn about the nature of submission and how to become a better submissive. This is something I have been interested in for a very long time and I would love the opportunity to explore it in a safe and instructive environment.
I would love to hone in on my skills as a submissive within a queer context! I want to connect my queer identity with my kinky identity!
I’ve been dying to take this course and was so thrilled to see you’re offering it again!
The biggest thing I’d like to learn is how to express that I’m nearing my pain threshold without being bratty.
LOVE this website! I’d love a spot in the Subplay Course, if only to find a more local (not just virtual) sub network.
I’m a long-time bottom who’s had mostly non-bottoming experience. I am now in a relationship with a dom who wants to push me to be the submissive I envision myself being. I would like to get deeper into understanding how I can be a better service bottom and daddy’s boy, as well as how to make my dom feel well-taken care of. I’ve always wanted to go deeper into understanding the nuances and the give and take. I think this course would bring me much deeper into the world of submission, as well as help me examine why and how I want to be an effective submissive.
As a queer, submissive girl I would relish in the opportunity to expand my submission and my understanding of what makes me tick, so to speak. I would like to delve more into my service oriented nature.
In my everyday, vanilla life I am a dominating force to be reckoned with. I love submitting to my partner because I am able to get out of my head, forget about life responsibilities and just revel in offering myself to another. I would love a spot in your ecourse because I think learning about the intellectual/theoretical side of submission sounds fascinating and I would like to see how to apply that to my own submission.
See what I mean?!
I want you ALL to come. Hrm. Now I just have to figure out how to invite you.
Congrats on the win Yasha, I’m looking forward to working with you!
There’s still room in the Submissive Playground course, but spots are being filled up quickly. Sign up today to join us!announcing the winner!, congratulations are in order I suppose, giveaway, I should add so many more tags to this but I am tired, submissive playground
Do you want to attend Submissive Playground? It’s running in July & August (summer school!) and I decided that this time, I would give away one Broke Ass Player spot in the course.
I usually describe it like this:
Submissive Playground is an online course with five live calls, eight weeks of creative, sexy explorations, and four learning modules—Bondage, Discipline, Service, and Masochism—all with the goal to take your submission deeper. And, you’ll get to explore it in community, making friends with other s-types through the course, and learning from each other. The entire course is online, and done within your own levels of comfort. Registration is open until June 30th www.submissiveplayground.com.
What do you get with the Broke Ass Player spot?
- Access to all the course materials, including porn to watch, erotica to read, and essays about submissive theory
- Guest videos from amazing BDSM experts, including Lee Harrington, Madison Young, Raven Kaldera, Tina Horn, kd diamond, International Master & slave 2011 Liza & Jody, and more
- Access to the course message board to discuss your experiences with other submissives
- Submissive journal homework prompts for each unit
- A downloadable star chart to track your progress in the course
- Access to the online All-Player video calls every other week, where we’ll chat about our experiences and I’ll answer your questions
- A digital certificate of completion that you can print out (and add to your submissive resume or submissive experience folder)
Want to win a spot in the ecourse?
The winner will be chosen at random on Wednesday, June 18th, in the evening my time (PST).
Got questions about the course?
Curious but not sure? Other people had some of your same questions, I bet— rife & I did an interactive Q&A about it with about a dozen folks who stopped by to ask questions. Here’s the video, check it out:
I was also on two podcasts over the weekend, talking about Submissive Playground:
Unspeakable Axe, one of my buddies and favorite podcast hosts, mentioned the Submissive Playground on the Masocast this past weekend. He is off getting married to his dominant Sade this week, and I can’t wait to hear all the dirty stories when he gets back.
And Woody at the new KinkyCast podcast invited me on to talk about Submissive Playground, too. It’s the same episode where LunaKM from Submissive Guide talks about pain processing, episode #19.
Thanks Axe + Woody!
Hope that helps clear up any questions you might have about the Submissive Playground. Still have questions? You can always email me, firstname.lastname@example.org, and ask.enter a comment for a chance, giveaways, I can't wait for this course, I like giving things away when I can, I'm a guest!, kinky cast, many of the star and fancy spots are already filled!, masocast, podcasts, spreecast is kinda rad, submissive playground, this is exciting, this is really exciting, win something
This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have never owned anal beads. I know not all of you have seen my toy boxes, but if you do some quick math about review posts over the years, you’ll probably get to the hundreds of toys number pretty quickly. Doesn’t that seem like something I would’ve already picked up and tried out? Well, it does to me.
Plus, I like ass sex.
And I have this faggot boy on my hands these days, so I figured I may as well go for it.
AdamEveToys.com had these anal beads available for review, so I jumped on ‘em. They are made of a beautiful silky-smooth silicone, which I really like the feel of. And they’re a great shape, starting out really small and going to more than an inch in diameter, which makes it quite a bit easier to insert than a regular butt plug.
The A&E website lists these in the description:
- 7″ long
- .25″ wide up to 1.25″ wide
- Firm, yet flexible shaft conforms to body’s contours
- Ribbed for extra stimulation, holds onto lube
- Pull ring for easy control and retrieval
- 100% silicone
Yes, yes, check, excellent—but hey wait. Notice where it says “ribbed for extra stimulation, holds onto lube”? Guess what else it holds on to? Because where are you putting these anal beads? That’s right, in the ass. And what’s in the ass? Well, sometimes ass-like things belong in the ass.
So these beads might need some extra cleaning time.
Luckily, the silky-smooth silicone is awesome, and it’s really easy to do a quick wash with soap and water, and then toss ‘em in your cock soup next time you’re sanitizing toys in boiling water. Easy peasy, no big deal.
Adam & Eve also sent us this L’arque prostate massager. I mostly picked it up because it’s the exact same toy as the L’arque gspot massager, it’s just in black instead. I like this kind of silky-smooth silicone (how many times have I mentioned that already?), and lately I have really liked having something for g-spot while getting off solo. Unfortunately, the angle of this toy is all wrong. The internal part isn’t bad, but the vibration on the upper curved arm part doesn’t hit my clit at all. Maybe another person’s body would fit this better, but it’s a pretty specific angle and it’s hard to have the things touching that I want touching.
Still, it’s a pretty toy, and works well. I like the vibration options (pulse and heavier pulse and erratic pulse and all that), and I like the feel. It’ll hang out on the nightstand for a while.
And I am eager to try out the anal beads some more. Those are a major win. And less than $20, too.
The L’arque prostate massager and anal beads were sent from Adam & Eve for rife and I to review, but I have complete editorial control over what I say about ‘em. This is just for full disclosure.adam & eve, anal, anal beads, butt toys, gspot, pspot, qspot, reviews, silicone, silky-smooth silicone, toys we tried out, vibrators
This question comes from Marie:
“My partner and I have come to a difficult place in our relationship. I have long since had the desire and urge to be dominated, to be somebody’s submissive, and to explore the world in its entirety. My partner, however, has no wishes. I’ve sat down with her and tried to explain what it meant, what it meant to me, and what it would mean to our relationship, but she says she can’t bear to hurt me (even if I enjoy it). I’ve been the dominate one, so to say, in our relationship, and I know for a fact that she would never consider me seeking a dom or have an open relationship. I love her, but I’m unhappy. How did you first address all of this? And is there anything else I can explain to her before I have to make a decision? I really want to explore this, and I want to with her, but she really has no budge room, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. All in all, I’m really confused and at ends.”
….. I have one more thing to add that I didn’t say when I recorded the video yesterday, that is whispering to me now that I’m re-reading your question.
Marie, you wrote: “I really want to explore this, and I want to with her, but she really has no budge room, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.”
And here’s the thing. You want to explore this with her, but she doesn’t want to explore it. You want to push her a little, because you are very attached to doing this with her specifically and not opening your relationship to some sort of non-monogamy (which is totally understandable!), but you don’t want to make her “uncomfortable.”
But: let me remind you, sweet pea, for a moment, of your own discomfort. You are uncomfortable by not having the kind of D/s relationship dynamic that your secret heart-of-hearts craves. And there is no reason for her discomfort to be more important than yours. Yes, of course, her discomfort is important and consent is important—I’m not trying to say that she should do it anyway and you “win.” But what I’m trying to say is that you have a clashing of needs here, and you two are going to have to figure that out.
You want something. She doesn’t want it.
There’s so many ways to sugar-coat that, but that’s the simplest core of truth.
It’s totally okay to have different wants or needs in a partnership—that happens all the time. What is important is that you two come up with a way to talk about these different needs, be they around sex, or D/s, or monogamy, or what you make for dinner that night, or whether your parents come stay for a weekend, or where you go on vacation.
It’s extra scary to talk about, because it’s sex and extra dirty kinky stuff that you may still have some internal shame or guilt about. Do you have that? Ask yourself, for a brief quiet soft gentle moment: Do you think you should be able to have this deep want? Or are there things in place between you and that want that make it even harder to ask for, to advocate for yourself around?
I mean, if it was … a new car that you wanted, or a puppy, what would you do then? Would you think of those as “legitimate” wants, whereas this is a scary, shadow, selfish want? (I’m just guessing—maybe that’s not how it feels for you.)
I guess what I’m really trying to say is, YOU DESERVE TO HAVE THIS. And it sucks that she doesn’t want to do it with you. That really sucks. I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting this, but you two might have come to an irreconcilable difference, if she a) won’t allow you to explore it with anyone else and b) won’t explore it with you.
So now comes a very difficult decision on your part, which is precisely why you’re asking me this question: Is your desire for this greater than your desire to be in this intimate, monogamous partnership with her?
Ask yourself that gently, with kindness, as if you are your best friend asking yourself this. It’s okay if the answer is no. It’s okay if the answer is yes. It’s okay if the answer is “I don’t know.”
I know for me, no partnership felt right until I had that D/s dynamic. It just didn’t. As much as I loved them, as much as I wanted it to work, it didn’t, until I had a power dynamic in place. I don’t really know why. For whatever reason, that’s my fetish, that’s how I’m wired. That’s what really makes me pleased and happy and satiated. Sometimes, for me, the love itself—though it was good love and beautiful love and important love and growing love—was not enough.
It sucks that sometimes love wasn’t enough. But it’s true. I needed more. Maybe you do, too.
Got a (different) question?
I’ve got a full inbox, but I love hearing your gender and identity and sexuality puzzles. What’s on your mind? Ask it here! And I’ll do my best to email you when I answer it.
Remember, Sinclair does one-on-one coaching!
I hope my thoughts give you some places to start. If you’re still stuck, remember, I do one-on-one coaching sessions, and I would be very happy to help you with resources, experiments, ideas, support, or just talking in depth through this process. Contact me for more information and pricing.
Comment Zen …
Readers, do you relate to Marie’s question?
If you do, would you share your own story about being in a relationship and not getting the kind of power dynamic that you wanted? What kind of resources helped you on your journey? Books? Anything to recommend for others who are going through this?
Leave your story anonymously if you like; your email address will not be published, and if you don’t want your usual “gravitar” picture of you to show up, just type “+sugarbutch” in your email address (like email@example.com) and I’ll know you want to be anonymous.
And there’s more …
If you want to explore your submissive identity even more, sign up for the Submissive Playground summer school! Registration closes June 30th.'my relationship is so good except ... for the sex part' isn't good enough, advice, ask mr. sexsmith, coaching, d/s, dan savage would say 'dtmfa' but I'm not quite that harsh, dominance, getting your dominant to dominate more, it's okay to prioritize sex, my face, submission, videos, yes there is a pitch for submissive playground in here (of course)
Version 2.0 of the famous “What S-type are you” quiz has been released, with 2 new result options, and fancy illustrations for each type, along with your percentage breakdown of your submissive traits. Check it out!
Slave, submissive, service-oriented, bottom, kinky masochist, obedient little pet—what kind of s-type are YOU?
“S-type” is a broad umbrella term for the submissive side of the power dynamic. These identities are multi-faceted—complex and nuanced, and don’t fit into any one little teeny box. However, there are some similarities, too—and I’m interested in the places we overlap, the things we share and have in common, as well as our differences.
Is your favorite kind of sex…?
- the kind that leaves bruises
- full of dirty talk,
- or when you make someone come over and over … and over
Where would you *most* like to be at a play party?
- shining everyone’s boots
- writhing in pleasure/pain
- ..or at the end of your Dominant’s leash
If you had to give up one part of your sex life, it would be…
- kinky play. I’m not *that* much of a masochist.
- vanilla sex. It’s kinda overrated.
- role play. I never was good at theatre.
- or… my brain hurts. I’m safewording this question.
… These are just some of the examples of questions on the quiz. Remember, This quiz is for fun! A 12-question quiz could never truly capture your myriad identities. This is designed to measure things like your obedience, interest in BDSM, aptitude for sex, ownership fetish, and then funnel them into a unique s-type identity based on your answers.
I hope you enjoy it! I hope it’s sexy and fun and curious, and maybe, just maybe, it’ll give you a little insight into how you work, and remind you that there you overlap identities with lots of other folks.
Also: at the end, the quiz software (Hello Quizzy, which is part of OK Cupid) wants you to fill out some demographics, including inputting your gender. They only give you two options: Male and Female. And of course you know that I think that’s bullshit, and I suspect that you also think that’s bullshit. You can bypass that step, just skip it. I would’ve loved to have quiz software that didn’t have that stuck on there at the end, but there is no perfect quiz software, rife and I are absolutely not quiz programmers, nor do we have a budget to pay the perfect software to be developed, and this was the best one we looked at in terms of results, percentage answers, and analytics.
And yes, we know that sometimes you can get more than 100% in certain categories, and that that is mathematically illogical. It’s for fun. You really, really like that category. There’s a much more complicated explanation for how all of that works, but I’m not going to go into it here. If you want to talk more about it, come to the Submissive Playground live Q&A call this Thursday night and rife can tell you aaaaaaall about it.
Nine possible results, all are illustrated and shareable
Take the quiz to see all result types
aka stop complaining to me that the quiz results aren't perfect, classic submissive, masochist, my boy rife, naughty, pet/boy/girl, quiz, rife made pretty much 99% of the quiz I just wrote the intro and the descriptions, s-types, service, slut, submissive playground, this is for fun, what kind of s-type are you?
It’s true! Submissive Playground is happening again!
And registration is open now, until June 30!
Got questions about it? Here’s a few brief answers, but I’m also doing a live Q&A video call this Thursday night to answer any more questions you might have. Read on.
What is it?
It’s an e-course, run entirely online, with four learning modules, five live calls, and eight weeks of creative, sexy explorations to take your submission deeper. And, you’ll get to explore it in community, making friends with other s-types through the course, and learning from each other. The entire course is within your own levels of comfort, as you choose any submissive experiments that you do.
Who is this for?
Well, it’s run by me, Sinclair, with the help of rife, who is a phenomenal designer and organizer, and an experienced teacher. It’s for people who want to explore their relationship to submission—regardless of how you identify, as a pet or a sub or a slave or a bottom or very submissive-curious or as a switch or queer or straight or poly or whatever, you just have to want to commit some time to exploring what it’s like to be submissive for you.
It helps if you are into assignments, tasks, homework, and getting stars for completing your work. If you are star-reward motivated, you’ll love this course. If you always liked school, you’ll like this course. If you like self-reflection and introspection, this course is for you.
“Structure and guidance with room for creativity is the perfect learning environment for me, and that’s what I got from this course.”
—Amanda, player from the January course
Okay, but what does it cost?
There are a few different options for cost. The Broke Ass Package includes all the materials, the live video calls, the experiments, and the journal prompts, and that’s $150. The next level up is the Star Package, which has all of the things the Broke Ass Package has, but it also includes one one-on-one session with me to set intentions for the course or to troubleshoot the hurdles that are coming up, and it includes feedback on your homework. The Fancy Package includes four one-on-one sessions with me, one for each module in the course, and it includes a Submissive Playground dog tag and a letter to your current or future dominant about your submission. Star and Fancy players also receive a paper certificate of completion in the mail (while Broke Ass players receive a digital copy, which you can print yourself). Here’s a big list of all the perks and differences in the packages if you want to know all the details compared.
If you’re so broke ass that even the Broke Ass Package is too expensive, contact me and we may be able to work something out. Please note that I don’t trade services for sessions, but I do have some trade spots possible for the Broke Ass Package.
Also … there will be some special sales this month. Keep an eye out and join the mailing list to be the first to know about them.
When is it happening?
The summer session of Submissive Playground will be in July & August, 2014. Registration is open through June 30th, but there are only three Fancy Packages and ten Star Packages, so if you want one of those, sign up now!
But wait! I have more questions!
Oh I thought you might! And I have lots more answers. In fact, I’m doing a live Q&A through Spreecast this Thursday night at 6pm PST / 9pm EST. Come ask questions and I’ll answer ‘em live!
If you haven’t been involved with a Spreecast before, it’s pretty fun. You can log in to your own Spreecast account, connect your webcam, and come “on air” to talk to me through video, or you can stay anonymous and ask things in the chat box.