kink

Is Kink (Ever) Wholesome?

Have y’all come across the phrase “wholesome kink” lately, or at all?

I’ve noticed a rise in it, personally. And I’ve been thinking a lot about whether it’s the right phrase to describe some of the things I/we do, or want to do, or whether “wholesome” is just the wrong word, and that it is inherently an oxymoron to call any kind of kink “wholesome.”

Let’s start with the dictionary.

Part of the problem is in the definition of “wholesome.” Most folks — in my circles, anyway — associate it with a 1950s cisheteronormativity that enforces white supremacy culture and racial capitalism. And, often with some flavor of Christianity, and top-down power structures that dictate what is “good” and “moral” and right, and what isn’t.

The actual dictionary definition of wholesome is “conducive to or suggestive of good health and physical well-being.”

This definition I can work with. The stereotypes around it, or the particular groups who mostly use the word “wholesome” and the connotations that it therefore picks up along the way, are harder to get around. And perhaps my question to you all is, can we do it? Can we reclaim “wholesome” from the suburban, Christian, nuclear family conservatives as kinksters, as queers, as trans and nonbinary folks? Can we, too, use wholesome, and intend it to mean something that goes along with our radical values of liberation and freedom and care for each other?

I don’t know, really. I mean — I think we can. I really like the idea of “wholesome kink” in general. But when I use this phrase with folks, sometimes I have seen big resistance to it.

What I mean by “wholesome kink” specifically

There are so many different kinds of kink — and I don’t necessarily mean the actual physical acts, like flogging, bondage, wax play. I mean, the feeling and tone behind the activities. Flogging could be done in a completely menacing way, or tender and playful, or boring and so neutral it feels devoid of any feeling. (I often think of Mollena Williams-Haas’s video Impact when I think about this — watch it if you haven’t already, it’s pretty short, a little more than 6 minutes.) Some kinds of kink are more tender and sweet, with a tone of nourishment, play, and kindness. Those are the ones that I’m thinking of when I think of “wholesome kink.”

Of course, there are mean, “dark,” even violent kinks, too, and there’s nothing wrong with liking those. Those are legit and fantastic in all kinds of ways. Personally, I tend to play there more than I play in wholesome kink, in my private life, but I also value the wholesome connections that I cultivate, the ones that are just very clearly about being “conducive to or suggestive of good health and physical well-being.” Maybe it’s a cathartic, sensual beating or sweet, slow, connected sex. I need those, just as much as I need the riskier scenes where I push edges, humiliate, devalue, or guide someone through a struggle.

When I think of “wholesome,” I also think of TV shows like The Good Place and Ted Lasso and Pushing Daisies. I don’t know if there’s a particular name for this genre now, but they strike me as somehow child-like (not child-ish), with their bold, bright colors, saturation, costumes, and sometimes over-the-top optimism, and yet they are balanced with very real, very deep human experiences of pain, loss, confusion, death.

I’m sure there are many other examples of media like this, but it doesn’t tend to be my genre really, so there is probably much that I’ve missed.

I’m very curious about what y’all think of using “wholesome” for something like kink, particularly when it seems like kink has been stereotyped as the most unwholesome thing, as a practice, by those outside of our communities. But, for those of us within kink, doesn’t it make sense to think about the areas of this community that really are wholesome? And separating that from the areas that are a little more intentionally about playing with the shadow side of the psyche, “dark” emotions, or dangerous experiences.

I’m open to using other words, if this word is just the wrong fit. But what are those options? Nothing quite captures things the way “wholesome” does, for me.

What about you?

guest posts

All Villain, All Bully, Guest Post by Kel Hardy

Content: slut, slapping, consensual non-consent, degradation, crying after sex, unhealthy relationship, force, sadism

If they knew what they wanted, it would make this so much easier. But then again, maybe the only reason I am buzzing their buzzer at 3:15am on a Wednesday is because this isn’t easy. When they let me in and I stumble up the stairs, I have no way of knowing which way this night will go. Maybe they’ll sit me on the couch and feed me snacks and talk my ear off until I’m sober enough to understand this is a bad idea. Maybe they’ll be sullen tonight, quiet, put a movie on or a record until I fall asleep and they nudge me awake with their foot, telling me it’s time to get out. Maybe they’ll have someone else there, and they let me up just so I can hear them through the door. It’s never happened, but I could see them doing something just like that.

Or maybe it will be one of those nights they answer in a silky robe, cigarette held in hand because they know the cherry pucker of their lips on the end drives me mad, that the taste of tobacco and tar on their tongue is the closest I have ever come to addiction. Maybe it’s a night they preen and pose, strutting around so their robe gapes open over their pretty boy flat chest and their brand-new body hair, daring me to stare, daring me to be ogle, until they finally lean forward to spit in my face.

“What, I thought you liked sluts?”

And that makes me all villain, all bully, all mean, grabbing them by their hair and dragging them down, down. They gasp and whine their way onto the floor, on to their knees. I make them kneel on bathroom tile right where the lines of grout cross, and when they wince I slap them, hard, making their cheek bloom red. They just look up at me again, eyes defiant, and whine even louder, their bright red mouth gaping filthily, so far from the cherry pucker they seduced me with. I unclasp my belt, undo my fly, and shove my cock into their taunting mouth. The sound of them choking, their arms flailing, their eyes watering – I smile down at them with immense satisfaction.

I do like sluts, very much so, but only like this.

Only bent over the bed with their robe stripped away, facing the full length mirror across the room. They’re a pervert, they like to watch, and I like to make it hard for them to. I wear my biggest cock, the one that stretches them too tight, the one that makes them bleed if I don’t lube it right. And they tell me no but I ignore it, because they don’t mean it and they’ve told me so. I grab their skinny boy hips and their pretty round ass and I shove it in all the way to the base so they scream in a way that could concern the neighbours.

“Tell me you’re sorry,” I say.

They could be apologizing for anything. For being a slut. For being a brat. For making me violent. For dragging me out here on a rainy weekday night, though really they never ask me to come, I bring myself here. Their sin is irrelevant because we are both just here for the punishment.

They don’t say it, and the omission is permission. I thrust again, harder, and their voice breaks as they cry out.

“No, stop,” they say.

“Say you’re sorry,” I reply.

They don’t, so I sink my nails into their hips.

“Aren’t you going to say you’re fucking sorry?” I demand, thrusting as I do. I pause on the last thrust, dick pulled almost all the way out, watching their face in the mirror. They open their eyes briefly, look at me, and shake their head no.

Every time I think they’ve found the darkest part of me, they reach in deeper.

Over and over I slam into them, relentlessly. I watch tears stream down their face as my dick pounds their hole, I am certain they’ll feel this all day tomorrow. I grab a fistful of their pretty black curls, make them arch back towards me.

“You deserve this,” I tell them. “Do you understand? You fucking deserve this.”

They’re sobbing with their whole body now, howls of ecstatic pain.

“Tell me what you are,” I say, testing if they can talk.

“Yours,” they gasp. “I’m your pathetic slut.”

“Again.”

“I’m your pathetic slut.”

“Again.”

“I’m a pathetic slut.”

“Again.”

“I’m—” their voice breaks, and then it all comes out in a rush. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

The apologies continue in a never ending stream as I pull out and release my grip on their hips. This is when they finally break, this is when they stop their defiance, their poses, their disregard. This is when they finally want me, need me, curling in my arms sobbing, apologizing, and it might not be for anything outside of this room, but I can pretend it is. I can take them in my arms and stroke their pretty messed up curls and kiss the tears from their cheeks. I can pretend the salt water on my lips is more than just catharsis, I can pretend this means something. Maybe these dark parts of yourself can only belong in the bedrooms of people you do not love. Or maybe this is love and we are both too scared to name it, too broken to hold it.

poetry

The Right One

When I was 23, I wrote a poem called “The Right One,” and I performed it (a lot) for the next 8 years or so. I haven’t done it much lately, but I dusted it off for a couple of the Writing Spicier class showcases — and I’m so glad I did!

Some folks said they had no idea I used to do performance poetry, and had never heard this piece, so it’s clearly time to revive it. Here’s a few ways to listen / watch / read it yourself, if you’d like to.

The Right One

so I know ya’ll aren’t just here for the poetry
That certainly isn’t the only thing that happens on this stage
And I’ve seen you out there
gauging us poets
auditioning us for our oral skills:
how fast I can tongue my staccato
how long I can keep the poem rhythm up
and hard
and driving,
pounding,
persistent
how much languid lapping detail
I can alternate with tight lipped teeth
and tricky consonants.

What?

You don’t care much for poetry?
Never really did it for you?
Well, maybe you just haven’t had the right
poet
yet:
one that distills truth down to such simple depths
that your heart softens and liquefies
your life on the outside falls away
and all you feel is the poem
the line
the phrase
the word
the syllable
the ta ta ta of the tongue against the teeth
or the pooling of the tongue
at the bottom of the mouth
in an mmmmmm.
Poets, we know about mouths
like that
And we know about hands
where to put them and when
when to press and when to cradle
and when to punch it.

And that audience, you’re tough –
you know how to read the signs
the rhythm, the grind
the accentuation of certain key phrases
and crescendos
if I’m not cradling the space
as I’m picking up the pace
if I’m not planted firm and stead
when I’m getting you all ready
you’re gonna know it
you’re gonna feel it
my lips, my breath
my words taking you up
and to the edge of your seat –
because I’ve got the writer’s way of looking at the world,
it won’t be boring or redundant,
impersonal
or unsatisfying
no.
I’ve got minute details to activate variation
on the patterns and the rhythms
I know you like.

you see, I’ve been on top
of this stage
a lot. and I know
what gets you hot.
I know what gets this place bursting,
what gets you leaning forward,
mouth watering,
watching my lips
my chest with my every breath
my hands when I lift and float
and I know you’ve seen my fingers –
writing gives us all that extra dexterity,
but you already knew that.
you’ve seen what writer’s hands can do,
where they can go,
what syntax they can bring,
what it’s like to have the ring
of a dismount in your head,
clinging and blazing,
like the denouement after climax
when your body tingles and frays for days.

and me?
it just takes some simple little phrase,
and I’m gone.
I’m yours.
I’m standing up here
under all these bright lights,
my every fault showing through,
my character an unwilling flaw in everything I do,
I’m opening to you
so you may catch
a shimmering glimpse of what happens inside,
in that moment of terror,
when I’m cracked open and seeping
from all my tender places
so that you might just see
what’s inside of me
is inside of you, too.

so bring
it
on.
watch me up here,
watching you on display,
I’m doing all the work
while you can just sit back and take it.
but I’m sure you know taking it in
takes just as much as dishing it out.
and me, I’m doing this just for you,
cause I know how much you want it, secretly,
to be rocked by some sweet piece up here,
just for you,
with my tongue against my teeth
my throat wet
my wrists strong and pulsing
just for you,
my feet planted firm
this mic as my simple instrument
just for you,
my body, my tone
my placement, my poem,
I’m putting it out there,
and you can decide
if you came here tonight
and found
the right one.

miscellany

Elust #147 includes “The Lineage & Ancestry of Queer Kinky Erotica”

Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month.

Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust.

Want to be included in Elust #147? Send in a post anytime and I’ll add it to the next edition.

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Featured Post by the Winner of Elust Contest for February, Sir Thomas, The Cunning Linctus.

Limited Edition

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

How Many People Use Vibrators? +11 Vibrator Statistics

Erotic Fiction

An Unconventional Valentine

Droit de Seigneur 29

Third Sun

Moon Feather: Part 26: Ask Pretty

Female Domination Mistress Swears She is Driven by Love!

Teaching the Alien BDSM

Mutual Satisfaction

Erotic Non-Fiction

Commissioned Painting of Goddess Severa by Dirk Hooper

Rainbow in the Dark

Dear Dolly – a Jolene Fanfic piece

Nyotaimori

Sex Work

Culture & Debauchery in London

Bathtime

Duo with Maîtresse Nuit

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Let This Wolf Devour You, The sheep…

Dungeon Etiquette 101

“ESP ON THE BUTTOCKS” – first chapter of a book

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

The Lost Art of Phone Sex

Building a Mono-Poly Relationship, Maybe?

5 Ill-Advised Items I’ve Used as Sex Toys (& What I Should’ve Used Instead)

Books and Movies

The Lineage & Ancestry of Queer Kinky Erotica

Book Review- Neon Gods by Katee Robert (2021)

Writing about writing

Communicating With Other EROTICA Writers

guest posts

All Of This, Guest Erotica by A. L. Brooks

Content: marriage proposal, transmasc/femme, top surgery, daddy/girl, age play, blow job, fingering, strap-on, fucking, crying, D/s, possession. Characters are consenting adults.

Cam proposes to me in bright sunshine on a crisp spring day, down on one knee in our favorite nature reserve. When they suddenly kneel in front of me, I fear I will burst into tears before they get a word out.

“Baby, please make me the happiest person on the planet and agree to be my wife?”

My ‘yes’ is probably heard from a mile away. I didn’t know such happiness was possible.

As soon as I say ‘yes’ Cam is up on their feet, sweeping me into their arms, our tears mingling as we switch between kissing deeply and simply pressing our bodies together in as close a hug as we can manage.

“Let’s go back,” I whisper, emotion swamping me. “I need you on me. In me.”

Cam nods, their breathing ragged.

We jump into the car and Cam drives us quickly back to our hotel. Within the limitations of the front seat and Cam’s need to concentrate on the road, our hands are everywhere on each other, ramping up the tension as we drive.

It’s always like this. Hot, intense, making me ache for everything Cam can give me. Our physical relationship had originally taken time to get off the ground—my doing, mostly, after troubles in a previous relationship. Cam had been incredibly patient and understanding, but it also meant that when I was finally ready, it was the 4th of July and Christmas all rolled into one.

We had started off slow, nicely vanilla, then suddenly one weekend, when things got a little more forceful, it was as if a curtain lifted. Cam’s dominance and my submissiveness came to the fore, and we settled into our roles as if born to play them. Sometimes they are Cam, sometimes Sir, and sometimes just babe. All parts of Cam, however, are parts I desire, no matter how kinky or not.

When we arrive at the door to our hotel room Cam unlocks it with the keycard, but then steps aside to let me enter first. As I do, I stop dead in my tracks. The room is lit with only two small lamps but it’s more than enough illumination to see that there are red and white rose petals strewn everywhere. On the polished wood of the floor, on the bed, on the chaise that angles into the room from beneath the large picture window.

“When … when did you do this?” I gaze at Cam in wonder.

They quirk a smile. “Phoned the hotel just after we arrived at the reserve, while you were checking out that crappy gift shop.”

I laugh. “You were pretty sure I’d say yes, huh?”

“Just incredibly hopeful.” They blush.

“Oh my God,” I murmur, reaching for them. “You are amazing.”

We scramble to undress, throwing clothes into random corners, taking moments to touch skin that is revealed. A squeeze here, a kiss there, a caress that lingers.

Once we’re naked, Cam waits for a moment, watching me.

“What?” I ask, gently, for once not quite sure how to read their expression.

They sigh. “You will never know just how happy you have made me today.” Their voice cracks with emotion. “There literally aren’t words to explain it.”

A few tears escape their eyes. Cam likes to pretend they’re the non-emotional one in this relationship, but they definitely have their moments.

“Are you okay, baby?” I ask, stroking the side of their face.

They say nothing, and I hold them close while they continue to cry. The scars from their top surgery a few months back press into me, but they’ve already told me so many times they don’t hurt and that I shouldn’t hold back. So I don’t; I keep them close, my arms tight around them.

After a while they pull back. When they meet my eyes their expression has changed into something I have only ever seen once or twice in our relationship. It is a fierce desire that paints their face; a desire so strong that I know they have gone there in order to keep the overwhelming emotions at bay.

When Cam gets that look, I know they need to go somewhere darker, somewhere kinkier, and my breath catches in my throat at the prospect.

I meet their eye and nod. Telling them whatever it is they need right now, I will give it to them.

Cam exhales slowly. “I’m going to get you something to change into. You need to get changed while I am in the bathroom.”

They walk across the room to their deep, leather overnight bag. When they turn back to me, and I see what’s in their hands, I can’t help the quick inhale that sounds like a gasp.

I meet their eyes.

Cam is imploring me with their gaze, and I can’t say no, even as a part of me wonders just what it is about this particular kink we both can’t resist.

They walk quickly over to me and hand me the item before reaching back for their bag and striding off into the bathroom.

I am left in the middle of the room clutching the white fabric in my hand.

We have only done this once before. When it first happened, we had talked about it, agreed to it, even though both of us were uncomfortable about it.

But also unbelievably turned on by it.

It was my fault. I had read a couple of erotic short stories in a butch/femme anthology, and although I had struggled with how much I had reacted to them—never so wet in my life—I had bookmarked the pages for future masturbatory reference.

Cam had discovered my marked pages one day, and had sat themselves down to read both stories. I had retreated to another room while they did so, scared witless as to what their reaction would be.

When Cam found me, twenty minutes later, they said nothing. Instead, they reached for my hand and, after undoing the zip of their jeans, pushed my fingers into their shorts and into their extremely wet pussy.

I had looked up at them in a mixture of awe and relief, and they had smiled.

“It’s okay,” Cam had whispered, then given me a wry smile. “Well, it’s probably not okay, on a few levels, but it is okay, because we both think so. Yes?”

And I had nodded, so grateful that they understood.

Then Cam had turned up at my place the next weekend with the white article I currently hold in my hands, and we had enacted our own version of those short stories, and we had both come so hugely we had seen stars. We had both felt a modicum of shame afterwards, but a shared shame seemed less of a burden than one carried alone.

And now, clearly Cam wants a repeat. Has planned a repeat, and I don’t know how that makes me feel. Other than completely turned on again, and so I must go with my baser instinct, whatever this desire is, whatever its foundation.

The white cotton T-shirt is long enough to reach only just beneath my bare buttocks. On the front is a picture of a cartoon character, something someone considerably younger than I would find amusing. This is all part of the role.

I glance once at myself in the mirror above the desk. I look so much younger, and I shudder with something I don’t want to name or face up to.

I turn away from the mirror.

Part of me can’t quite believe this is how we are choosing to celebrate our engagement. The kinkiest, dirtiest thing we will probably ever share. And yet, there is a kind of poetry about that. This is by far the most emotional day we have shared, and it has clearly affected Cam in a monumental way. What better way to counteract that, to avoid it swamping them, than to flip to the complete opposite? Something so base, so naughty, so wrong, to offset everything that is so right about us?

And yet even this is right. We both want it; we will never deny that to each other.

Cam walks confidently back into the room. They’re wearing a plain white t-shirt over a pair of plaid pajama bottoms, the type with the open front slit for easy access.

I don’t look too closely, but the bulge of what awaits me is obvious. I shiver with the anticipation.

“You look very lovely, my sweet girl,” Cam says, as they stand a few feet away from me.

I slip so easily into my role, plastering an adoring look on my face while I make my posture as demure as possible.

“Thank you, Daddy,” I say, blushing.

“Oh, sweet girl.” Cam reaches out to stroke my jawline with one finger. “Daddy is so happy to be here with you right now. How about you come and sit with me awhile before you go to bed?”

Oh God, they’re playing this so well.

I swallow before responding. “Yes, Daddy, I’d like that.”

Cam walks to the chaise and eases down on to it. They perch languidly, surrounded by rose petals.

I can’t help my gaze being drawn to the bulge in their pajamas and my pussy gets wetter.

As I walk toward Cam, hesitantly, they smile encouragingly.

“Your hair looks lovely, my special girl,” they whisper. “Come and sit on Daddy’s lap and tell me all about how you made it look so pretty.”

I’m actually finding it hard to walk, my pussy is so swollen. I step towards them as gracefully as I can, then sit down across their lap. I wrap my arms around their shoulders, and wriggle my hips until my buttocks are sitting between their open thighs, just below the bulge of their cock.

“Oh, that feels lovely, doesn’t it, sweet girl?” Cam’s throaty voice is so convincing it makes me quiver.

I nod, pressing my face into their neck. “I like it a lot, Daddy.”

“Good girl,” Cam says, stroking my hair with one hand while the other rests on my hip. “I do like cuddling my special girl.”

“Mm,” I mumble into their neck, genuinely enjoying this cuddle, all kinkiness aside.

“So,” Cam continues, just as strongly in character. “Why did you make your hair so pretty?”

I raise my head to look at them. “For you, Daddy.” I hear the slight catch in my voice, but I’m also aware that this has an instant, gratifying effect on them.

They squeeze me a little tighter and bring me nearer, and I feel their cock press into the side of my thigh.

My pussy is gushing.

“Oh, sweet girl. Aren’t you just perfect for your Daddy.” Cam strokes my hair some more, and suddenly I am aware that their other hand is down on my thigh.

Their fingertips start stroking, ever so gently. My skin burns where they touch and my clit throbs.

“I want to be,” I say. “I want to be perfect for you, Daddy.”

Cam chuckles. “And you are, my good girl. You are perfect. Daddy loves you very much.”

“And I love you, Daddy.”

Their fingers are stroking a wider pattern now, causing the edge of the T-shirt to ride up.

I’m aching for them to get between my legs, but I know that this is their show and I must play to their timetable.

“Do you remember the last time you sat on my lap, sweet girl?”

I look at Cam and blush, like a good girl should. “I remember, Daddy.”

“Do you remember how you made Daddy very happy that day?”

“I do, Daddy.” I pause. “Do you want me to make you happy again, Daddy? Do you want to put your fingers…down there?”

Cam smiles. “Ah, sweet girl. You are always Daddy’s best girl, aren’t you?”

Their fingers have made their way between my thighs, but only halfway up, stroking the soft flesh there in small circles.

I am already squirming, aching for those fingers to finish their journey.

“But today, Daddy would like you to do something different to make him happy, okay?”

I stare at Cam, biting my bottom lip. “Okay, Daddy. I love making you happy. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.” I hesitate, then plunge on. “I like it when your cock gets all big and you get happy.”

It’s the boldest thing I’ve said in the two times we’ve played this scenario. I hope I haven’t pushed too far too soon.

Cam groans and squeezes my thigh sharply, almost involuntarily. “Yes, I like it too when you make Daddy’s cock get big. I have a special way you can do that today, if you like?”

I nod enthusiastically.

“Good girl.” Cam motions me off their lap and throws a cushion on the floor at my feet. Suddenly I know what they want me to do and I’m in danger of coming before they’ve even touched me.

“This is for you, my sweet girl. You can kneel on it in front of me, and it will make sure your knees don’t get too sore as you make Daddy happy.”

I am almost panting with want. Oh God, how long is Cam going to string this out? They could fuck me right now and I would come instantly. But I know that isn’t what it’s about for them. It’s about the role, the patience, the drawing out of the pleasure.

Cam shuffles forward on the chaise, pulling me down to kneel in front of them.

I sit back on my haunches. “What do I do, Daddy?” I ask coyly, my voice only just above a whisper. “How do I make you happy this time?”

They smile and reach for one of my hands from where they sit clasped gently in my own lap. They tug and I move my hand hesitantly, trying not to be too eager, trying to be the demure good girl I am supposed to be.

“First,” Cam says, pulling my hand nearer to their crotch. “First you need to take Daddy’s cock out of his pajamas.”

I nod and reach forward, slipping my relatively small hand into the gap that’s opened in their pajama pants. The dildo is warm from Cam’s body heat and, from the feel of it, is one of our larger ones. I grasp it lightly with my fingers and tug.

“Yes, that’s it. Gentle now.” They lean back a little, breathing heavily. “Pull Daddy’s cock out now.”

I use my other hand to ease the pajama opening wider and slowly pull their cock free of its confines. It is indeed one of our larger ones. Black, smooth, over seven inches long and nearly two inches in girth at the base. Oh God, just the thought of that filling me…

“Like this, Daddy?” My voice is so husky it’s unrecognizable.

“Oh yes.” Cam’s eyes are half-lidded. “That’s perfect, my good girl.”

I pull it completely clear.

“Now, sweet girl. Daddy’s best girl.” Cam’s voice is even lower. “Can you lean forward and lick Daddy’s cock? Lick it like an ice cream?”

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Cam saying those words, in that dirty tone, has me squeezing my thighs together to stop my orgasm. I may actually have to let myself come straight away to be able to get through this, but I know that would disappoint them, and that’s one thing I never want to do.

I bend at the waist, still grasping their cock in one hand. I can smell Cam once I’m closer. Their scent is intoxicating.

I slowly run my tongue up from the base of their cock to the tip.

They let out a tortured moan.

I lift my head and meet their eyes. “Like that, Daddy?”

Cam nods, their breathing uneven, and they place one hand gently on the back of my head.

“That’s perfect. Good girl.” They press their hand firmly into the back of my head, bringing my lips back to the tip of their cock. “Now, to make Daddy really happy, can you open your mouth, please? Open it as wide as you can?”

I nod, trying to control my breathing, steady the pulsing of my clit. I let them push my head down as I open my mouth wide, let them push their cock slowly into my mouth, almost to my throat.

“Close your mouth, sweet girl.” Cam stares down at me. “Close your mouth so my cock is inside.”

I comply, and they groan loudly. I love what this is doing to them.

To both of us.

Cam slowly starts fucking my mouth, using their hand to bring my head closer, to force their cock deeper into me, but always managing to steer clear of gagging me.

I’ve sucked them off on a number of occasions, usually kneeling submissively while Sir stands above me, and I have been adamant about not being deep-throated. Cam remembers that now, even in the throes of a play that has clearly consumed them, and I love them even more for that consideration.

“Oh yes.” Cam works their cock faster in and out of my mouth. “You like Daddy’s cock in your mouth, don’t you, sweet girl? You like making Daddy happy, don’t you?” Their voice is strained and breaking with their arousal.

I try to nod, but it’s not possible with the force of them fucking my mouth. It probably doesn’t matter though. Cam is lost, gone into their own world where I am merely their sweet plaything and it doesn’t matter one iota what I say, as long as I keep sucking their cock like the good girl that I am.

And so I do, reaching out with both hands to grab their hips, pulling them deeper into me, letting them fuck me so fast it’s actually hurting my jaw. But I’ll take it, because I will always take what they do to me. This is how much I love them, will always love them.

“Oh yes,” Cam growls, pumping hard. “Daddy loves fucking his sweet girl’s mouth. Daddy loves it when he comes in—” They break off with a strangled cry, their orgasm slamming into them, thrusting their hips upwards so that this time I do have to back off in case they choke me.

They relax their hold on the back of my head, giving me the room, still wonderfully aware of my needs amongst the thrashings of their own climax.

As it calms, they loosen their hold on my head completely and gently nudge my chin with the back of one hand, telling me I can sit back.

The dildo releases from my mouth with a wet pop.

Cam’s breathing is slowing and their eyes are closed.

In comparison, my breathing is getting heavier. I desperately want them fucking me. I want to be impaled on their big cock, but I don’t know if we are still in role, so I don’t want to screw this up by blurting out what I want and ruining it for them.

Cam opens their eyes after taking one last deep breath. They look at me and I see the shame start to appear, and I don’t want them to feel that. Not now. This was consensual. We both wanted it. Even if we never do this again, I won’t have them feeling shame for it today.

They open their mouth to speak and I am sure the first word will be ‘sorry’, so before they can form it with their lips I place my hand carefully across their mouth.

“Don’t be sad, Daddy,” I say, and Cam heaves in a ragged breath. “I liked it, Daddy. I liked it a lot,” I whisper, all demure again.

“Did you, sweet girl?” They almost sob. “Did you?”

And I know behind their broken words Cam is speaking, not Daddy, and they are so grateful for what I am saying, for removing their shame.

I nod vigorously. “I always like making you happy, Daddy. Always.”

“Oh, my sweet girl.” Cam pulls me close, up on my knees, pressing me against their chest as they wrap their arms around me and kiss all around my hairline. They rub their fingertips along my jawline, pushing one fingertip against my lips, which are swollen from sucking their cock so hard. I tremble at the touch. “And are you happy, sweet girl? Are you feeling okay?”

I offer a small shake of my head. “I…I don’t think so, Daddy,” I say, almost petulantly. “It’s wet down there, Daddy, and…and I want to do that nice thing we did last time, Daddy.”

Cam shudders. “What nice thing would you like to do, sweet girl?” Their voice is a jagged whisper full of longing and need.

“I want Daddy to put his cock in me. I want Daddy to fuck me.”

Their groan fills the room, and suddenly they’re hauling me up. “On your hands and knees, sweet girl. Let Daddy fill that sweet pussy of yours.”

I’m literally shaking with need as I climb onto the chaise and get into position, my knees wide, wet cunt thrust up in the air for their viewing pleasure.

“Oh, you are so ready, aren’t you?”

“Please, Daddy! Please put it in me!” God, who am I? Where does all this come from?

The next moment I don’t care about the origins of this dirty play because Cam is right behind me, their cock nudging at my cunt.

Then they push roughly forward, ramming their cock deep inside me.

I cry out, the pleasure-pain so fulfilling it’s enough to bring me to tears of pure joy.

“Okay, sweet girl? Does Daddy’s cock feel good inside you like this?” Cam thrusts, pumping in and out.

“Yes, Daddy. Oh God, Daddy, don’t stop!”

It is all I have been waiting for the past twenty minutes or so. I can’t get enough of that cock inside me. God knows I am open enough to take it all now, however fast and hard Cam wants to fuck me.

“Oh yes, good girl. That’s it, let Daddy fuck your wet pussy with his big cock.”

I thrust back as Cam shoves forward and the combined action sinks their cock so deeply into my cunt the harness presses tight against the skin of my ass.

“Oh yes!” Cam cries. “Oh yes, Daddy’s girl is so good. Fuck Daddy’s cock, sweet girl. Fuck Daddy’s big cock.”

They grab hold of my hips and we begin a brutal fucking, me working with them to keep their thrusts going as deep as possible. I am dripping with sweat, my arms and thighs burning from the energy I am expending but I am loving, absolutely loving every moment of this fuck. I’m zoning into a place where it is purely my cunt and their cock, and the exquisite sensations that are ripping through me.

When I come, I howl like an animal.

Cam cries out something indecipherable, then drapes their body over mine, pushing my head into the pillows, thrusting deep for one last time and then staying there buried deep inside me.

I feel the tears start, and I can’t stop them once they come.

Cam kisses all the parts of my skin they can reach before easing out of me. They gently push me down onto the chaise, then roll me over. I am boneless; they have to do all the work.

Then their mouth is on mine, kissing me so sweetly. “I love you,” they say. “Oh God, I fucking love you so much.”

I look up into their eyes and I see all of them.

Cam; Daddy; Sir; babe. They are all of this.

And I am theirs.

event

Online (Free!) Erotica Readings Featuring Writing Spicy Students

Save the dates! Hope we can all attend and cheer each other on!

Smut Peddlers: Thursday, March 3, 2022, 5:30pm PT / 8:30pm ET

RSVP for the Facebook event here
Join on ZOOM: https://zoom.us/my/gladday
PW: 1970

Everyone remembers their first time, when they feel a sensual, intrigued gaze, that sense of vulnerability, the desire to please… Yeah, everyone remembers their first time reading at Smut Peddlers. The return of Glad Day’s own wildly successful evening of erotica and sexy writing from young queer, trans and non-binary writers at the world’s oldest surviving LGBTQ bookstore… but online once again because of Ms. Rona. This month the Smut Peddlers are doing something special; fan favourite Kel Hardy will be hosting students from Sinclair Sexsmith’s writing course who will be reading from their work. But we’ll have a few foxy, familiar faces as well!

Hosted by Kel Hardy
laura q
Rose Weaver
seeley quest
Clara Kiely
Rebecca Rose Vassy
Faith
Lux Steinberg
Leo Wilder
Seán Carson Kinsella

Readers for these next two will be announced ASAP! Meanwhile, please save the dates!

Spicy Showcase, Sunday, March 20, 2022, 4-6pm PT / 7-9pm ET

Hosted by Sinclair Sexsmith
Featuring Kiki DeLovely
And students from Writing Spicier
RSVP for the Facebook event
Register here to attend the Spicy Showcase! After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Zoom.

About our feature:
Kiki DeLovely (http://kikidelovely.wordpress.com) is a witchy, kinky, polyamorous, mixed, non-binary femme who moonlights as an erotica writer when she’s not weaving magic through energetic healing and spiritual coaching. Kiki strives toward erotica that reads as fine literature and connects us with our highest selves. Their work has appeared in dozens of publications and they have toured both nationally and internationally, living and traveling all over the world. She now makes her home on Occaneechi-Saponi land.

And also featuring:
Amanda Nowalk
Sarah St John
Lichen
Bell
Sunni Jacocks
Candice Brown
Shaya MacDonald
Sophia Kleist
Leo Nyne
Valluna Blue

Make sure you register for the Zoom here!

Listen to Your Skin, Sunday, March 27, 2022, 4pm PT / 7pm ET

Hosted by Stina French
Featuring Ash Orlando
And students from Writing Spicier
RSVP to the Facebook event here
REGISTER to receive the Zoom event link

This month’s Listen To Your Skin event on March 27th at 5p MST will feature Ash Orlando. We will also have short performances by the following writers from Sugarbutch/Sinclair Sexsmith’s “Writing Spicier,” a queer-centered, kink-positive, five-week erotic stories workshop: Titus Androgynous, Olga Tsitlik, Shannon Page, Aiden Rondón, Kae, Fritz Kutchko, R. Magdalen, Geneviève, and Lyzz Stewart

We’ll begin with a brief (very spicy!) writing exercise. No open mic this month to make room for all our featurettes and the writing exercise! We will meet via Zoom.

About the featured writer:

Ash Orlando lives and works on Dharug and Gundungarra land in Western Sydney, Australia. They are a playwright, performer, poet and general troublemaker. They are most recently featured in Best Lesbian Erotica 6, Big Book of Orgasms 2, and Heckin’ Lewd: Trans and Non-binary Erotica. Ash’s anthology “Soft Fruit” will be in most online bookshops in March 2022, and you can see them flex their writing muscles at @say_please_baby on Instagram.

And also featuring:

Titus Androgynous
Olga Tsitlik
Shannon Page
Aiden Rondón
Kae
Fritz Kutchko
R. Magdalen
Geneviève
Lyzz Stewart
Sonia Funkenbusch
Jennii Drew

BEFORE JOINING: Read our very important event guidelines. Our intent is to create a safe space to be open for all participants, and toward that aim, there are some themes/approaches we just aren’t interested in hearing. You may be booted from the Zoom meeting if you violate the guidelines of the event.

WANNA FEATURE? Please see this page. We commit to centering work by BIPOC and LGBTQIAP+ writers and performers. If you know of a writer/performer who has sexual themes in their work and who is in one of these categories, please contact [email protected] to nominate them/yourself as a future feature.

erotica writing

The Lineage & Ancestry of Queer Kinky Erotica

In the Writing Spicy class this spring, I invited people to honor the names of the people who came before them, people who wrote or created content around queer kink, reclaiming sexuality, and more. I’d never done this before, but it became a powerful list — no, more than a list: a powerful digital altar. It acknowledges our collective lineage, and how much work people have done in order to get us to a place where we can write and publish as freely as we can.

This was the invitaiton:

Invitation to acknowledge all the radicals who came before us — queer, kinky, neurodivergent, people of color, disabled, fat, and other historically marginalized folks.

Almost none of the things I’m sharing in this course are completely made up by me — I come to the knowledge I have because I’ve read books, went to workshops, listened to elders, learned history, and studied about sexual, gender, and kink liberation.

Feel free to add the names of folks you have learned from, who have been inspiring to you, on this thread.

I started with a list of more than a dozen erotica authors whose work influenced me, some of my writing teachers, and other queer folks whose work made a difference.

People wrote all kinds of things, including things like “The small group of neurodivergent queer kin I loved, survived, and sheltered with while growing up.” and “Every nameless/anonymous/forgotten queer whose work I read on literotica late at night over a 56.6.k dial-up connection.” and “A handful of queer zines I could find back in the mid-1990’s that probably saved my life several times over.”

And of course, we generated an incredible list of names. (This isn’t the entire list, but a lot of it.) Not all these folks are explicitly queer, or kinky, but they have been an influence on us as we’ve created our kinky queer lives.

It feels like a prayer, when I read these names out loud.

I invite you not only to read through this list, but to think about who is on your own list of influences. Who has been your lineage, your ancestry? Maybe not the ones you’re related to through blood, but the ones you claim culturally, the ones who have helped you make sense of who you are and how you fit in the world.

Blessed are the in betweeners, the boundary pushers, those who make the paths.
Blessed are the porn makers, the erotic writers, the liberationists.
Blessed are our ancestors, by blood and by choice.

    Adrienne Marie Brown
    Alison Bechdel
    Amber Hollibough
    Annie Lennox
    Audre Lorde
    BD Swain
    bell hooks
    Beth Ditto
    Carol Queen
    Carrie Brownstein
    Casey Plett
    Cecilia Tan
    Davey Davis
    Diana Cage
    DL King
    Donna Dresch
    Dorothy Allison
    Fiona Zedde
    Daemonum X (FIST zine)
    Gayle Rubin
    Guy New York
    Hanne Blank
    Imogen Binnie
    Ivan Coyote
    Jack Stratton
    Jen Cross
    Jiz Lee
    Joan Nestle
    Karlyn Lotney
    Kathleen Warnock
    Kelli Dunham
    Kill Rock Stars
    Laura Antoniou
    Leah Lakshmi Piepszna-Samarasinha
    Lee Harrington
    Leslie Feinberg
    Louise Erdrich
    Marcia B
    Mark Doty
    Mary Oliver
    Midori
    Minnie Bruce Pratt
    Nancy Friday
    Octavia E. Butler
    Patrick Califia
    Princess Kali
    Rachel Kramer Bussel
    Raven Kaldera & Joshua Tenpenny
    Rita Mae Brown
    S. Bear Bergman
    Sacchi Green
    Shar Rednour
    Shine Houston
    Shirley Manson
    Simon Sheppard
    Sins Invalid
    Starhawk
    Susie Bright
    Tara Hardy
    Tobi Hill-Meyer
    Toni Amato
    Tristan Taormino
    Xan West

Add your own in the comments, if you wish.

If some of your influences are people who are relatively private, and might not want their name on a “sex blog,” feel free to abbreviate it, or just share a first name or initial.

miscellany

Erotica Writing Joy, Protocol Game, D/s, & Other Recent Media

Lots o’ stuff going on over here! Grateful for all the amazing folks who have had me on their podcast lately, who have written about my work, and who have tried out the Protocol Game! Love hearing about your adventures with all of it.

Here’s a small roundup of some of the recent happenings!

Kink Quest Podcast, Episode 13: The Protocol Game

We have been trying to play Sinclair Sexsmith’s Protocol Game for years now, and have just started to really make it work for us lately. In this episode, we talk about some of the experiments that went well, others that went… less well, and what it all means to us!

Listen to Episode 13 of the podcast here

You can purchase the Protocol Game cards in my shop!

How a story about spanking helped me find myself: For queer and trans readers, erotica can provide a roadmap for realizing our truest selves, By Andy Bandyopadhyay on Xtra

I’ve followed Sinclair Sexsmith’s blog, Sugarbutch, for many years. I love the combination of true stories, erotica and reflections on queer kink. So when they announced an erotica writing workshop, Writing Spicy, centring queer, trans and kink writing, I signed the fuck up.

I wish I’d done that sooner. […] Sharing that piece in class also helped me feel less alone. Transmasculine classmates reacted with instant recognition: the way you can belong somewhere but not belong, the isolation of feeling just outside the door, the need to see our own kink journeys in kink media.

Read Andy’s account of the Writing Spicy class on Xtra Magazine here

American Sex Podcast Episode 183 — Dominant & Submissive D/s Dynamics with Sinclair Sexsmith

On Ep 183 of American Sex Podcast, we talk with Sinclair Sexsmith about dominance & submission. While most are aware that Dom/sub play is common in kink, we also have a very narrow view of what it entails. D/s isn’t always cruel & authoritarian. We talk about the many ways people engage in D/s & how they find strength by surrendering to powerlessness, including:

  • The different types of D/s & selecting areas of control
  • Building healthy dynamics
  • “Subs hold all the power”
  • Balancing fantasy & reality
  • “Giving up” safe words
  • D/s as an “intimacy fetish”
  • Deconstructing power

Listen to Episode 183 here, or with your favorite podcast app

Review: Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year, Volume 6, from the Itinerant Librarian

I can say after reading this book that the editor succeeds in presenting a diverse, enticing, at times moving collection of experiences and erotic adventures. This is an anthology that pushes the boundaries of what erotica can be and can do, and it is reflective of the times we live in. Rather than being escapist, the stories take us away on various journeys while working within the current reality. Just because the times are hard now it does not mean we forget pleasure. On the contrary, the stories strongly show and hold on to pleasure, and they bring us readers pleasure as well plus a way to connect their experiences and ours in the act of reading.

Read the review over on the Itinerant Librarian blog

journal entries

Elust #146 includes “Write the Erotica You Want to See In the World”

Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month.

Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust.

Want to be included in Elust #147? Send in a post anytime and I’ll add it to the next edition.

Please enter your email address in the sidebar widget on Elust to subcribe to email updates!

 

Erotic Fiction

The Baker’s Wife

Droit de Seigneur 27

Strangers on a Commute

Precious Juice

Erotic Non Fiction

CUCKADOODLEDO!

My New Strap On

Cuckold Husband in Chastity Buys His Wife a Pearl Necklace

Hands

My Bukkake Events are Back!

New Slave into Ballbusting and Small Dick Humiliation

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

6 Sustainable Tips For an Eco-friendly Sex Life

What Type of Vibrator is Right For You?

The Power of a Kiss

Bookmarking: a strategy for prioritizing intimacy

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

A Goddess to Tease You Into Her Trap

Body Talk

H is for Hair Down There and Everywhere, Still Don’t Care

The Clitoral ‘Erection’

Writing about writing

Episodic

Write the Erotica You Want to See In the World

Sex-Work

Advice For When Booking an Independent Escort

How To Be Anonymous in the Adult Industry 2022

erotica writing

On Developing A Writing Habit

“Any tips for developing the time/habit/discipline to write regularly?”

This is an age-old question for not only writers, but everyone seeking a creative life. There are dozens of books about famous writer’s daily routines, and this is a frequent question asked of writers in interviews. And for good reason — modern daily life is absolutely not set up to prioritize creative play or the spaciousness needed to create. So how do we do it?

Maybe most importantly, how do you do it?

Here’s my best ideas and resources about this.

Protect Your Writing Time Fiercely

Add writing time to your schedule. Maybe it’s at the same time every day, maybe it’s once a week, maybe it changes each day or each week — doesn’t matter; figure out what works for you and your schedule.

But this part is important: Put barbed wire around the writing time on your schedule.

There will always be dishes to do, chores to finish, errands to run, people to tend to, things to shop for online. You will never be done with those things. Do not let those things infringe on your writing time, for even a minute.

Putting writing time on your calendar is a promise to yourself. How are you with promises to yourself? Do you break them? How much do you trust yourself to hold the promises you make to yourself? You might have to change your relationship with your own self-trust, depending on how it has been so far, in order to make and keep a regular writing time.

Do the Things that Surround Writing

Read. Read things you think you should know about, read things different than what you write, read books in your genre. Listening to audiobooks counts as reading.

Go out into the world (without your phone!) and observe. Spend time alone with your thoughts, where your brain has space to breathe and isn’t taking in more input.

When was the last time you were bored? When was the last time you felt like your mind actually emptied all the overloaded information it carries, and was able to think deeper?

It takes a lot of intention to have that kind of spaciousness. It is much easier to be in the information overload, and much harder to carefully, cautiously curate the information that goes into your mind (more on that later). It is worth it to make the effort of that intention so that you can more easily write and create.

I think of the writing process in three parts: 1. Enough time and space to think, form ideas, make connections, and be inspired. 2. The actual writing-words-down part. 3. Editing.

Then, of course, there’s the submitting, publishing, etc., but that is more of the admin and business of writing than the creative generation process. Those, to me, take different parts of my brain, and different kinds of effort.

Point is, the quiet before writing is an essential part of my own writing process, and it helped to learn that, and to keep barbed wire around that quiet part, too.

Your mileage may vary here, and you should investigate your own tendencies and how your writing process works (ideally and in practice). Maybe you need a significant amount of quiet time before you ever put your pen down. Maybe you need trigger moments, Pavlovian things that you do exclusively when you sit down to write, so that you can start building that trick to yourself that it’s time to focus — like the same playlist, or a candle you always light, or a particular scent you always add to your essential oil diffuser. Experiment! Take note of your successes. Try things, and adapt.

Look Into the Behavioral Science of Habits & Discipline

I’ve long been influenced by the website Tiny Habits, which was built by a behavioral scientist and explores how we change our behavior, which is what builds new habits.

He says: “only 3 things will change your behavior in the long term. Option A: Have an epiphany; Option B: Change your environment; Option C: Take baby steps.” Unfortunately, you can’t really force yourself to have an epiphany, but you can absolutely change your environment and take baby steps. He’s got a lot of great tips for how to do that, whether the habit you want to add is flossing, writing, or finishing a novel.

The book Atomic Habits by James Clear is very similar to me — “atomic” meaning “at the atom level,” he really focuses on the teeny tiny changes that can make a big difference over time. I really liked this powerful interview with him & Brene Brown on her Dare to Lead podcast, which has many of the core concepts in his book.

One key thing I’ve learned, and try to remember, is to always start small when building new habits. Make it ridiculously easy, way too easy, because then you will do it, and you will be more inspired to do more. It proves to yourself that you will do the things you say you’ll do, which is another important step. You start becoming the person who keeps promises to yourself, even the really small ones.

Surround Yourself with Inspiration

What kind of media are you consuming every day? Who do you follow on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook?

The information and media you consume is part of your “diet,” part of what you input into your body every day.

How deliberate are you about what you take in?

Start curating your feeds, algorithms, and media more deliberately to move you toward a writer’s life. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad (this is good for everything, regardless of building a writing habit). Follow other writers, writing life accounts, writing quotes, inspiration, things in your genre. Watch documentaries about writer’s lives. Listen to podcasts that interview writers.

You can encourage yourself to hold to your goals, show up for your routines, and keep writing on your mind by changing the kind of media you’re consuming.

Accountability Buddies

In If the Buddha Got Stuck by Charlotte Kasl, she writes about trying to finish some very particular task, but that she just couldn’t do it. So, she says, “When you’re acting like a baby, get a babysitter.” She invited somebody over to help her with the task, and was able to get it completed.

Sometimes we need accountability. I’ve seen a lot about this under the idea of “body doubling,” not in a sci-fi kind of way, but in a “I need a body next to mine in order to focus” kind of way.

If this would be helpful, consider hosting or joining a co-working session or co-writing session. I’ve seen folks hosting this kind of thing in some of the Facebook groups about writing I’m in, and in various Discord channels. So you might have to go back a step and join and interact with some writing community in order to get access to these kinds of events.

If nobody you know is available for this, you can search “write with me” on Youtube and find folks who have recorded their co-writing times, and you can body double a recording. Is it the same? No. But it still might work!

Write Every Day, or Don’t

All the advice everywhere says “write every day.” Yeah, sure, in an ideal world, maybe someone would write every day — getting into a daily rhythm can be really helpful. But some people’s rhythms work in 2- or 3-day cycles, not just one 24 hour period.

The advice to write every day also presupposes a lot of things. You need an abundance of free time — and not everybody has that. Plenty of people have an exhausting full-time job (or two or three), children or aging family to take care of, or crises to manage regularly.

You also need relatively stable mental and physical health. If you have a mental health crash, a psychiatric episode, or if your physical wellness tanks, you will not be actually capable of showing up at your desk and doing your work. Maybe it’s possible 5 days our of 10, or even for months at a time, but there can and will be interruptions with our health and wellness that will change influence our routines. And for people with chronic physical or mental illnesses, or who live with people with chronic illnesses to whom we are a significant caregiver, a daily writing routine just isn’t realistic.

Parenting also influences the daily writing routine. The poet Lucille Clifton wrote dozens of books and produced some of my favorite poetry that I’ve ever read. She has an entire book of haiku, and I was taught (though I can’t find the source now) that she wrote haiku because she was parenting small children for a while, and just did not have more than a few minutes at a time for her writing. So, her writing got shorter.

My friend Minna Dubin created her public art project Mom Lists similarly, as she was writing herself into her new writing voice and explorations after having kids.

So maybe you write every day, maybe you don’t. Maybe your “routine” isn’t a consistent schedule, but carving out a few hours here or there when you can. That’s okay. Do what you can. Lean in to the habits and parts that work for you. Keep moving.

Time Goals vs Word Count Goals

Often, when you read about the routines of the great thinkers and writers and philosophers, they talk about using the container of time to get their work done. “I’m at my desk from 11am until 4pm,” or “I always write pre-sunrise from 4-8am.”

I find pomodoro-style “sprints” are also really useful. I set a timer for twenty minutes, focus on ONE THING and one thing only in that twenty minutes, and go for as long as I can. When the timer goes off, I take a short break, goof off, and do another 20 minute sprint. There are great apps and timers for things like this, like this Pomodoro timer. A timer can help me focus quite a lot.

Because look, let’s be honest. Twitter is right there. Email is right there. Netflix and Youtube and texting the love of my life are all on my computer, right next to my writing app.

Sometimes I have the will power and motivation to just not look at it, but sometimes I don’t.

I’ve had to be realistic about that as I get more serious about writing productively and paying attention to my routines and habits. So I often use focus apps, like Freedom, which I can set up for a certain amount of time and it will block everything except what I give it access to, or it will block specific things. Maybe it’d be better if I could just have the willpower myself, but sometimes that’s just not realistic. It has helped.

There’s a lot of new science available about how people just aren’t built to do more than 4 hours of deep work every day. As you’re setting up time goals for yourself, take a look at those studies and articles — and then, decide for yourself what works best for you, regardless of the studies.

So, making a writing goal of a specific time is one way to do it. But you can also set yourself word count goals.

There are some great sites and apps you can use to track your word count, like 750 Words, which takes Julia Cameron’s core concept of “morning pages” from The Artist’s Way and app-ifies it, aiming for three pages (250 words per page) each day.

Nanowrimo, the site that hosts National Novel Writing Month each November, has some great tools, and they’re actually available year round, so you can set up your own version of Nanowrimo and word count goals.

Don’t Forget About Your Body

It’s easy to get caught up in intellectual, emotional, brainy work of creating, thinking, and philosophizing — but don’t forget to tend to your body, in whatever ways work for you.

Keeping your body limber and strong will help you write longer, sit at your desk more comfortably, and to keep moving your own experience through your physical body.

But it’s not just tending to your body so you will have as much health as you can — it’s also the honoring of your body as a source of creativity, as fuel, and as an essential part of the creative process.

The science of creativity has been paying more attention to the role the body plays recently. In an article from Psychology Today, Jeffery Davis writes: “We know now, I hope, that being creative consistently—from ideation to block-busting to execution to launch & ship—involves much more than sitting and thinking. The body is not merely a shell. … “The artist takes the body with her,” Maurice Merleau-Ponty noted a few decades ago. The rest of the body—movement, gesture, musculature, autonomic functions—shapes how thought happens.”

If you want even more on this, the book Writing From the Body has great inspiration and activities to try to get further in touch with the wisdom of the body.

Look to Other Author’s Routines

It can help to read about other’s routines. Of course, the routines that are widely available are usually from the very famous, classic, white cis hetero writers of the 19th and 20th centuries, and these folks also usually had plenty of money and time to write.

Some had wives (or servants!) available to them — you’ve probably heard that thing about how Henry David Thoreau, famous for taking up a small home at Walden Pond and lamenting on nature, was regularly visited by his mother who did his laundry and brought him food. This is debatable, but continues to make the point: writers often had help to run the admin of their lives, and their daily writing routines may or may not be accessible to those of us who are now, in 2022, in late-stage capitalism, with inflation on the rise and wages remaining the same.

Nonetheless, I continue to be inspired by writer’s routines and reflections on how they create. Here’s some good ones.

Most Importantly: Find What Works For You

That means experimenting with routines, goals, habits, techniques, tools, and everything you can think of — and then reflecting on what is working and what isn’t. Do more of what’s working; do less of what isn’t.


From Decenter the Teacher on Instagram

Eventually, you might write your own Commandments on how it works best for you.

Books & Resources

A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf gives us this essential concept: “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.”

The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp — great summary here.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron — if you’ve never worked through this 13-week program, it is absolutely worth doing at least once. There are virtual groups and (at least, in pre-pandemic times) in person groups forming frequently. The book has everything you need to create a group yourself — maybe a few friends would like to join you.

Daily Rituals: How Artists Work, by Mason Currey

Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg

Daily Routines archive on Marginalian (formerly Brain Pickings)

And even more book recommendations from Amazon, from my personal list of suggestions.

Please note: I’m linking extensively to Amazon here, primarily because they have an amazing database of book information. Amazon is a dangerous, has too much control over the publishing industry, and enables police surveillance, among many other things. I know Amazon makes things accessible to many people who might not have resources locally, who are disabled, or who are just unable to find alternatives. Totally get that, and no judgement — order from Amazon if you need to. (Read a How to Stop Shopping at Amazon article here.) If you can take the extra time to get these books from your local independent bookstores, or from places like bookshop.org, please do.

erotica writing

Some Core Writing Spicy Philosophies

As I’ve been inviting folks to attend the online erotica writing group, I’m hearing a lot of this:

“Ack, I can’t go to an erotica class, what if someone found out?”

“I’m not ready! I’m so behind on my reading, and I haven’t written erotica in years!”

“What if someone tells me my writing is not good?”

“What if someone tells me that the kink thing I write about is bad & wrong for reasons I’d never thought about?”

Let me tell you a little bit more about the philosophies behind the Writing Spicy groups.

1. Absolutely NO Kink or Sex Shaming

In Writing Spicy, you can write about any kink or sex that you want to write about. (We do have a list of guidelines for topics that we give content warnings for; more on that in a bit.)

This thought, though, has comforted me immensely throughout my erotica writing attempts: No matter how kinky, dirty, nasty, or “immoral” you might think your fantasies (or your character’s fantasies) are, there is always someone who wants something “more perverted” than you do. (This is very easy to prove with just a few clicks of the internet.)

People who have joined these writing groups so far have been so generous and supportive when it comes to sex, kink, and expressions of desire and erotics that are unconventional.

2. Separate the Writer from the Narrator

Because many erotica stories are written in first person, it’s easy to talk about a piece of erotic writing by somebody as something the author themself wants to experience or that they desire. But in Writing Spicy, we separate our writer selves from the writing just a little bit, and discuss the narrator as a character (even if the narrator is the author).

For example:
Instead of saying, “I liked how you were talking dirty throughout all of the sex.”
I say, “I liked how the narrator was talking dirty throughout all of the sex.”

This helps to depersonalize the feedback and separate the content from the writer themself. It also helps to get a little distance, so that if there is confusion, or strong emotional reactions, they don’t get pushed onto the writer, but rather stay with the narrator.

3. Feedback Focuses on What’s Working Well

Based in Pat Schneider’s Amherst Writing Workshop method, and Tara Hardy’s method at the Bent Queer Writing Institute, we focus on the following things in our feedback as a default:

  • What is working in the piece
  • What stays with you
  • Any questions you might have

I find that when we focus on what we’re doing well, we often crowd out parts that aren’t working quite as well. It also helps us build up our identities as writers and have more confidence in our abilities.

If writers in the course want feedback beyond those three main points, they are welcome to ask for the kind of feedback they want. But generally, we’ll stick to these as a guideline for our feedback.

4. We Cultivate Care

There’s a particular list of content that is required to have a warning at the beginning of it, and that includes: non-consent, force, rape, or other assaults; consensual non-consent; Master/slave language; Daddy/Mommy, other familial language, incest; self harm; drugs & alcohol; eating disorders; blood; knives; breath play; pedophelia; beastiality; throwing up; and face slapping. (This is also subject to change for each individual cohort, if anyone in the group needs to be warned before certain kinds of content.)

Ever read stories on AO3? They use tags extensively. Content warnings can kind of work like tags, where the major actions and occurrences in the story are tagged and shown in the heading of the story. I see more and more writers who are heavily influenced by the work on AO3 — and why not? There is some amazing work on there — and I think content warnings and tags are becoming much more normalized than they have been in the past.

By including content warnings, we are letting everyone in the class choose whether to read something that could throw off their mental state for a long time. Sometimes, we just have to choose to not take in information about a particular thing, because we know it will do some damage. I’m encouraging us all to be discerning and go easy on ourselves.

The past few years have been really hard, y’all. There’s so much suffering out there. So I just want to do my part to make things more easeful, where I can.

(Don’t worry — plenty of the writers like the dirty, dark, edgy stuff, including myself and Ash, who will be assisting with feedback.)

5. Come See Me In Office Hours

In addition to the workshop each week, I’ll also be hosting office hours on Zoom, and anybody who wants to can join me. I’ll answer questions, look at writing, talk craft theory, or do some writing sprints — whatever the folks who show up want. So if you need a little extra support, pep-talk, or if something specific comes up for you during the class, you can reach me to talk about it even further.

I haven’t done office hours during this writing group before, but I’m excited to try it and see how it goes!

Oh, and Don’t Forget: There’s Also Affirmation Daddies

Some of y’all might know Ash Orlando from their @say_please_baby Instagram account or their sexy stories — they will be joining me to help give feedback during the writing group. We won’t be daddy-ing the entire group, don’t worry! But we have been joking about both of our styles being very affirming, and we are eager and excited to love up on your writing and share all the amazing ways that it’s sexy and brilliant.

Got any more questions? Go ahead and email me, [email protected], to ask.

I hope you’ll join me, Ash, and everybody else for another round of this supportive writing group.

erotica writing

Write the Erotica You Want to See In the World

Reading and writing erotica can be an act of rebellion.

Even though erotica is pretty mainstream, in a lot of ways, it still has a reputation as a bit “naughty,” and there are plenty of people who wouldn’t share the kind of spicy books that they frequently consume with their coworkers or their family.

There’s a reason sales of erotica grew significantly when ebook readers became more accessible! People could much more easily hide the book they were reading and still read it in public — on the bus, on the subway, on the airplane, on their commute. The privacy helped introduce the genre to many people who had never read it before.

Why are erotica books seen as naughty? Well, at its basic breakdown, it’s because of erotic shame. Most of us were raised in a culture with fairly extreme erotic shame.

We were not taught about sex as a pleasurable act.

We were not taught about being in our bodies as something exciting, personal, pleasurable, fun.

We were not taught about masturbation, kink, queer sex, or any of the thousands of ways that bodies go together and explore.

When we read (and write!) erotica, we take a little bit of that shame away. We claim our birthright of pleasure, as a being in this corporeal body. We stake our right to desire freely, to fantasize, to ponder what would feel amazing to us (or to our characters).

Yes, sure, look — it can be just pure escapist drivel, too. All good art is allowed to have its escapist, check-out, dissociative, frivolous forms. It can reinforce gender norms and compulsive heterosexuality, it can reproduce all kinds of societal hierarchies and eroticize things like money (ever heard of “bil-dom” erotica? Thing 50 Shades, and you’ll understand that it’s a sub-genre within the erotica/romance world). There are plenty of critiques of the genre, and of any given book. So of course, it’s not perfect. Don’t get me wrong.

But it can also be radical.

The erotica I love is gender affirming. It includes trans characters, nonbinary characters. And it doesn’t just include the skinny white masc versions of those identities, either — it includes complex, multifaceted characters who are celebrating their own sexual desires, wants, surrenders, and powers. Sometimes it includes struggles, like body dysmorphia and body dysphoria. Sometimes it includes kink and sex acts that really show how that character is seen, really seen, by other characters.

Sometimes, it can even show a reader what it’s like to be inside of a gender identity that is comfortable, that fits, that makes them shine. Maybe a story opens up a possibility that the reader hadn’t considered before. The reader is invited to have that kind of relationship with their gender, too.

The erotica I love shows Black and brown people with cultural context and authentic desires. The erotica I love shows disabled people, neurodiverse people, and all the ways that sex and eroticism lives and plays and appears in our lives. The erotica I love is experimental language, poetic, sometimes not making any literal sense except in the emotional realm. The erotica I love is women-focused, pleasure-focused, but not orgasm-focused (well, unless maybe it’s a forced orgasm scene, or an orgasm denial scene …). The erotica I love shows the inner workings of sadists and the mean, nasty desires that pass through our minds.

The erotica I love normalizes the mess that is human bodies, that is genitals, that is our fragile, resilient hearts.

Writing down our (and our characters’) erotic desires and sharing it with others to witness in a small group has been one of the most powerful things I’ve done to heal my own erotic shame. To hear people respond to my erotic scenes with affirming, positive feedback changed my life.

(Yes, you all who are reading this, you had a part in that, just by reading this site and my work here over the years. Thank you.)

Writing about sex, bodies, gender, desires, kinks is absolutely not the only way to heal shame — there are so many. But for me, it’s been an incredibly powerful tool. As someone who is historically marginalized in multiple ways, there is still not enough representation of my own particular proclivities — not in the same way that cis (affluent, white) lesbians, or hetero relationships, or vanilla folks are represented.

Our communities — BIPOC, trans, nonbinary, queer, neurodiverse, disabled, asexual, anorgasmic — are still underrepresented in pretty much everything, let alone erotica. We just need more voices, more expressions, more examples of what it’s like to be living erotic, fulfilling sexual lives in all of these kinds of bodies and life experiences.

When we go into community and do some of the shame work around sexuality, gender, and bodies, we have the possibility of transforming that work not only for ourselves, but for our communities, too.

That’s why I keep saying, “Write the erotica you want to read in the world.” It can be transformative — not just for you, but for your relationships, for your communities, for the world.

guest posts

The Golden Hour, by Anna Sansom

Content: daddy/girl, age play, spanking, fingering, good girl. All characters are consenting adults.

We work different shifts: I’m on the early train and at my desk before her alarm has even gone off; she gets home a few hours after me, eyes gritty and tired from a day spent driving her limo, and eager to relax. It’s not what either of us would have chosen (if jobs were easier to come by) but we’ve made it work for us. There’s only a small window when we’re both awake and feeling sociable, so that has become our special hour. It’s an unconventional partnership in many ways, but it works for us.

When I come home from work, the first thing I do is get changed out of my corporate attire. Taking off my bra feels like freedom. I wipe off my make-up. I put away my jacket and shoes and open up my other closet. From there, I get to choose something soft and comfortable. I pick out my favourite outfit, select some fresh underwear and a pair of socks, and then I take a shower.

A rub down with a fluffy towel and then a sprinkle of powder soothes me from any remaining frazzles of the day. Once dressed, I feel buoyant and re-energised and ready to play. I have the house to myself to do whatever I want, but I have to wait until she gets home for the real fun to begin.

When my Daddy comes home from work, the first thing she does is loosen off her tie. Then she hangs her jacket over the back of the dining room chair and empties out her trouser pockets into the little dish on the sideboard. Coins jangle and chink as she gathers them into her palm and pours them into the wooden bowl shaped like a leaf. Sometimes I like to play with the coins, sorting and stacking them into matching towers, or making flower shapes from the different size circles. Sometimes there are other things that get emptied into the bowl too: crumpled strips of paper or plastic cards with raised letters that tickle my fingertips if I stroke them. Daddy says not to play with those in case I break them. I’m allowed to play with the money, though, as long as I put it all back in the dish again.

She goes upstairs to the bathroom to refresh herself, returning shiny faced, hair still wet and slicked back, and wearing clean shirt and trousers. Then she goes to get a glass of water from the kitchen and stands in the doorway drinking it. She watches me from that position, also drinking in the mess of my toys scattered about the living room. If I’m in the middle of a game, she usually lets me carry on. But sometimes she wants me to tidy everything away so she can sit on the sofa without stepping over crayons and Legos and Barbie dolls.

Once I’ve put everything away into the big coloured crates, and pushed them underneath the window where they live, Daddy pats the seat of the sofa next to her and smiles. “Come and sit with me, little one.”

I hop onto the seat and lean into her; her arm goes around my shoulders and she pulls me in tight. I feel her mouth press a kiss into the top of my head and I close my eyes. I breathe her scent deep into my lungs and let her infiltrate me from the inside out. We stay like this for a while, reabsorbing each other and reacquainting ourselves with our shapes and edges – our real shapes, not the ones we’ve been moulded into by the outside world. My edges soften when I’m with her. At work, and on my commute, I am like hardened plastic: non-porous, rigid, brittle. But at home, with her, I become soft and fluid, and osmosis draws me to her.

Sometimes Daddy asks me what games I’ve got up to that day, whether I went to the park, whether I had my afternoon nap. And sometimes we just sit quietly for a while and I hear her big beaty heart going boom-a-boom as my ear presses up against her chest.

Sometimes Daddy has another question for me. “Have you been good today?” she asks. I’m not allowed to lie. I have to tell her the truth even though doing so makes me squirm and pull away from her. I’m not always a good girl. Sometimes I get crayon on the carpet and, even though I try to rub it away, the waxy streaks are clearly visible. Sometimes I don’t go for my nap: I carry on playing even though I know I’ll be a tired little girl later. And sometimes I forget to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ and that’s not good manners and little girls should always have good manners.

Today was a crayon day. I was kneeling on the floor with my colouring-in book but it’s hard to stay on the paper and while I was colouring in some sky, my arm took my hand too far and now there’s a big blue line right by my Daddy’s feet. She must have seen it when she sat down. I can’t pretend it’s not there and I’m not allowed to tell fibs to my Daddy.

“I’m sorry Daddy,” I start, “it was an accident.”

“I understand it was an accident,” she says, her eyes dancing with mock seriousness, “but you know you’re meant to be careful when you’re colouring in. What do you think will make you remember to be more careful next time?”

“I…” I bite my lip and look down at the pattern on my ankle socks, scuffing one foot over the other, my toes curling as I hesitantly finish my sentence. “I think I need to have my bottom spanked.”

She exhales, audibly grateful that we both want to play this game. “I think so too. How many spanks do you think I should give you?”

It’s a question that’s not really a question; I already know what the answer is meant to be. I feel my pulse quicken in anticipation and take a deep breath, “T-ten?”

“Ten? Do you think that will be enough?”

We both know that’s only the starting point. “Yes, Daddy.”

“Well, let’s see how sorry you are first.” Daddy gestures to me to lie across her knees. Her hands shift my skirt up around my waist and she places her warm palm on top of my bum. This bit feels nice. Comfortable even. I’m draped over her wide lap and her fingers gently knead my cotton-clad cheeks.

“Let’s see how your counting is coming along,” Daddy says. Her hand leaves me for a moment and I hold my breath. This is the bit that hurts.

“One!” I squeak. “Thank you, Daddy.”

She smooths her palm over my cheek in a gentle circle and then raises it again to deliver number two. She quickens the tempo and incrementally increases the force of her spanks as I continue to count, and we quickly get to ten. We are both huffing and puffing with the focused effort of it.

“Good girl,” she tells me. “So good, I think you can have some more. Proper ones this time.” Her thumbs hook around the waistband of my knickers and she tugs them sharply down. I lift my hips at the same time and the knickers slide down to my ankles. I kick them off. I know this is how Daddy likes it best. “Now,” her hand feels hot and slightly rough against my naked and sensitised cheeks, “ten proper spanks: five for being naughty and five for being good.”

I hold my breath again in preparation – these ones always sting. But behind the sting there is a sweetness. It begins to feel good and my thank you, Daddy’s become more and more heartfelt. By the time we get to ten again, I’m openly asking for more.

“More? More spanks? Or something else?”

Daddy knows me well. She gives me some more spanks and I forget to count. I think she’s stopped counting too – she will keep going until her palm begins to smart or the throb in her trousers becomes too uncomfortable. I can feel her underneath me: hard.

My face and bottom are both flushed by the time Daddy stops. She lifts me off long enough to adjust the strap-on she selected earlier when she was getting changed, and then manoeuvres me back onto her lap again. This time I am sitting astride her. Her hands are around my waist and her cock sticks up between us. We both look at it. We are each choosing what we want to believe in this moment. Is it her strap-on or is it her cock? Is it made of silicone or formed from flesh and blood? I can smell our joint arousal and combined desire and I want to climb straight on. But my Daddy has a different idea.

“Kneel on the sofa,” she says, standing up as I scramble to do so.

Now Daddy is behind me, pushing my body forward to better angle me to her liking. I brace myself with my arms on the back of the sofa, spreading my knees wider.

“Good girl,” she mutters as her finger slides between my folds, assessing my slickness. There’s a place that feels really good when her finger brushes over it. She touches it again and I whisper, “Please, Daddy.”

She tests me with her thumb: pushing it deep inside me, slowly twisting her hand in a semi-circle so I feel her against my walls. There’s room for more and Daddy is keen to fill me up. She pauses to take a small tube out of her pocket, squeezes the wet and sticky contents into her palm, and works it over her hand. “Wetter is better,” she reminds me. Then she replaces her thumb with two fingers, longer and wider and deeper than before. They slowly beckon inside of me and my knees begin to tremble a little. Her considerate gentleness will only last so long.

A third finger is added and now I am feeling strained and stretched. I want to lie down on my back so I can spread myself wider and take her inside me more comfortably, but my Daddy hasn’t said I can move yet.

Her fingers pick up speed and I squeal loudly as my body is pushed and pulled on the sofa. It hurts. But it’s a good hurt. It makes me cry out: a long, juddering “ahhhh” in time with the thrusts. Daddy chuckles. “Good girl,” she reassures me, “you’re such a good girl.”

I want her to go back to the place that feels nice on the outside, but she’s hooked her fingers inside me like she’s playing the ‘hook a fish’ game at the funfair and doesn’t want to let me drop.

“Please, Daddy,” I beg.

Her hand slows and then she pulls her fingers out of me. She wipes the juices between my cheeks and squeezes some more of the sticky stuff over me. Then she presses a fingertip against my bottom hole. “Just one,” she promises. Daddy’s finger is big and I am so small, but she pushes determinedly and I know how to let go and let it happen. My reward is a finger from her other hand on the nice place again. She moves both fingers: in and out; up and down.

“Daddy!” I gasp.

She keeps going until my whole body starts to shake. Then she places her lips close to my ear and whispers, “Come for Daddy.”

It’s my favourite game. Better than make-believe tea parties, and better than a new doll’s house.

When I’ve finished shaking, Daddy lies me down on the sofa and climbs on top of me. She hovers over me for a moment, her strong arms making her body into a tent that I can disappear into. Then she sinks her hips down and slides into me, making me gasp again as her cock fills me up.

She rocks her body and I am moved inch by inch further along the sofa cushions with each thrust. I hold onto her arms to try and stay with her, my legs wrapping around the backs of her thighs.

Daddy loves me and shows her love with each touch, with every “good girl”, and with the concentration on her face as she begins to grunt and groan. I join in the sounds: mewling that turns to howling as I feel her stiffen and give one last, impossibly deep, thrust.

When she’s finished, she gathers me into her arms and strokes my hair. “Daddy’s got you,” she tells me, and I let out a long, happy sigh. I want to stay in her arms for the rest of the night but she’s strict about my bedtime. She comes upstairs to tuck me under the covers and kiss me goodnight before going back down to continue the rest of her evening. When she goes to the refrigerator, she’ll find the meal I cooked for her that she can quickly reheat in the microwave. Beside it, I left a note written in blue crayon: I love you Daddy.

erotica writing

Three Ways to Improve Your Erotic Stories

1: Add More Sensory Detail

Adding sensory detail — more sight, sound, taste, smell, and feel — heightens the impact of the descriptions, especially in sex scenes. Search for places where you could describe in detail what a material feels like, what an action sounds like, or what the environment tastes like.

And don’t forget, there are way more than the ‘big five’ senses — humans have more than 20. There is also balance, temperature, proprioception (body awareness), and pain, to name just a few other examples. The more body awareness you can add in to an erotic scene, the better — it connects me, as the reader, and my body, to the bodies of the people in the story and starts activating my own sensory system as I’m reading about it activating the characters’.

Notice how much is happening with the senses in this scene:

“Sit,” I said, because what else was I supposed to do? But it’s late now and she’s sitting at my kitchen table, smelling of gardenia, and I’m regretting it.

It’s hot. The air is thick as pudding. Shine’s black pumps look foolish at the ends of her legs. Her legs really do go on forever. She dallies a fingertip in the bowl of blueberries. “So I hear you’re grey-ace now.”

My ears buzz and buzz, and the skin of my mouth goes tight. I drop the knife onto the cutting board and turn to her.

— “The Estranged,” G.B. Lindsey, from Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 5

Scent, feel, sight, sound — and even a little bit of taste, if you imagine the taste of blueberries when someone mentions blueberries. What a luscious couple of lines!

2: Add More Emotional Landscape

It can be easy to get caught up in what’s happening during an erotica story, but connecting with the character’s inner world can help escalate the erotic charge in the reader, and create greater identification with your characters.

Really getting inside of someone’s mind, depicting how they see, feel, and experience this erotic encounter, is one of the benefits of writing as an artform — it is much harder to show the interior world of someone in video or audio, for example. So why not lean in to the intimacy that this feature of this particular creative expression?

Show me what’s behind the shiny exterior of a sultry character by sharing their doubts, fears, desires, nervousness that they are noticing internally. Show me the lust, the dirty things that are running through their mind, the concerns, the feelings of care and protection and vulnerability and love that are happening between them. Show me the poetic, experimental language, the prose-poems that almost don’t make sense except they make you feel something, that is trying to be a more authentic expression of how we experience our minds.

Consider this excerpt:

Your hands are sure. You know what you want and forget to ask sometimes.

You slipped your hand beneath my dress and roughly held my breast, pinching my nipple until you felt the shape and volume you wanted. It happened so fast I could not protest.

And I did not want to. I felt abandon, your lust mixed in with mine. There is no taking because it is already given.

You said you felt appreciated by my effort. My Sunday best hat and my dress. They express my invitation to come closer, my transparency in letting you know and letting you in.

Everything has been happening so quickly. I regret not remembering all the moments, the light caresses, meaningful looks, and alluring words spoken in between kisses. At home, feeling flustered and full, I jot down my little stories of the night. Perhaps I add some embellishments but I am certain I am also missing essential parts I wish I had retained.

— “Documenting Desire,” by Luisa Margo Park, published in Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6

I love the moments of showing us how the narrator is feeling, and how they are reacting to the situation.

3: Find Places to Upgrade your Language

Make a note of any places in your story where you use a common description, metaphor, or image — any phrase that you’ve heard before. Brainstorm, pull out the thesaurus, and play around to find a new, unique way to write that description.

You could go through it one line at a time, perhaps read it out loud slowly, and just make a note on the page wherever you run into a phrase that sounds like an idiom, an aphorism, a very common description, places where you have written “really,” places where you’ve used too-common descriptor words that are bland.

Consider these examples:

“When she got to Changes, her favorite queer bar, she bee-lined for her favorite table near the back and was ready to wet her whistle.”

(CW: mention of a knife and cutting in an erotic context)

“I press just a little harder on her thigh before I get to her knee. This knife really isn’t very sharp. It probably wouldn’t slice through her skin without some serious effort, and while I desperately want to find out precisely how much effort it would take, I am not ready for that. Not yet.”

What happens when we change the common phrases in the first example? Something like: “When she got to Changes, her favorite queer bar, she sauntered to her favorite table near the back so everyone at the bar could see her.”

Much more evocative!

Consider the knife example, in particular, the line “This knife really isn’t very sharp.” The “really” and the “very” there aren’t doing any service to the sentence. If I want to convey that it’s relatively dull, I can choose all kinds of other words to describe it without using a word that has so little flavor. What about, “The knife is not sharp.” Or, “The knife has not been sharpened in at least two years.” Or, “I am used to using this knife, and it can barely cut through stockings.” There are many ways to use more evocative words that paint more of the feeling-tone of the scene that I want.

Hope that is helpful!

Not everyone is a fan of the editing process, but just by asking a few more questions like these, an erotica piece can go from being pretty good to being great.

If you liked this, you might like Writing Spicier, the online erotica writing group starting in February.

erotica writing

Poll: Which one of these erotica stories would you most want to read?

Just purely based on their first sentences, which is the most appealing to you?

Poll Maker

For the record, these are all examples of first lines that shine — none of them are examples of what not to do.

Why was that one your favorite? Ask yourself some of these questions:

  • What do you already know about the characters?
  • What would you guess about where the story is going, based on what you know of the characters?
  • What do you already know about the setting?
  • Which lines gave you a physical reaction? What kind of reactions did you feel in your body?
  • What was intriguing, and made you want to read more?
  • What was sexy, and made you want to read more?

There’s no right or wrong answer — part of it is just about what you personally like and resonate with. Maybe there’s a character, or a certain dynamic, that reminds you of yourself and your partner (or a crush), and you feel some sweetness. Fantastic. Totally legit reason to like a story and want to read more.

All of these beginnings above establish different things: setting, character, action, at what point in the erotic encounter are the characters, a summary or fable, kink, voice, and more.

In the opening sentences of an erotica story, often one or more of these things are set up: who (one or more of) the characters are, where the characters are, the dynamic between the characters, the environment in which the characters are navigating. It often draws the reader in to start with a ka-pow — some sort of scene, dialogue, or description that reminds the reader immediately that this is a sexy story (if it is! Though not all erotica aims to titillate) and starts to situate the reader inside of that erotic, sultry, sensuous world.

In the next Writing Spicier online erotica writing group, we’re going to explore the opening, middle, and end of an erotic short story and take an in depth look at the craft of short story writing.

This is for folks who want to step up their erotica writing, make friends, fall in love with editing, and think deeply about what makes a story hot.

Registration is open until February 6th! Check out more info and sign up here.

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Glad Day Bookshop + Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6 Reading

Come join us tomorrow to hear some delicious queer smut read out loud, and celebrate the release of Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year volume 6!

Online reading with Glad Day Bookshop
Thursday, February 3rd, 2022
7pm ET / 4pm PT
Featuring Titus Androgynous, Kel Hardy, Meka James, and Quenby
with Sinclair Sexsmith
RSVP on Facebook

About the Readers

TITUS ANDROGYNOUS is a writer, multi-disciplinary performer and drag king from Toronto, Canada. Their writing has appeared on stage, in Xtra and Queeries magazines, and online at DapperQ.com.

KEL HARDY is a white, gender-indifferent lesbian from Toronto. She co-produces Smut Peddlers, a recurring erotica reading with Glad Day Bookshop, the world’s oldest LGBTQ+ bookstore. She writes erotica in hopes that sex can be reinstated as an essential part of story-telling, as well as to turn people on.

MEKA JAMES is a writer of adult contemporary and erotic romance. A born and raised Georgia Peach, she still resides in the southern state with her hubby of 16 years and counting. Mom to four kids of the two legged variety, she also has four fur-babies of the canine variety. Leo the turtle and Spade the snake rounds out her wacky household. When not writing or reading, Meka can be found playing The Sims 3, sometimes Sims 4, and making up fun stories to go with the pixelated people whose world she controls.

QUENBY is a queer performer, activist, and writer based in Leeds. Their eclectic work uses a range of different artforms to explore themes of gender identity, kink, and queer history. You can find them everywhere at quenbycreatives.

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Announcing: Writing Spicier: Online Erotica Writing Group

Write the erotica you want to read in the world.

Part two of the erotica class that began as Pen Play!

Writing Spicier builds on what we did in Writing Spicy (and Pen Play) — but this time, instead of focusing on the publishing process, we will be focusing more exclusively on the craft of how to write an erotic story. We’ll start with the opening paragraphs, fast forward to the first consent moment, move on to the climax (orgasmic or not), and end with the ending.

We’ll be reading plenty of examples to emulate and learn from along the way, and we’ll be bravely sharing our work to encourage constructive feedback, support, and encouragement.

Come join me and dive into writing erotica. Bring your desires, your kinks, your pleasures to the page and play around.

About Writing Spicy:

This is a four week class on constructing erotic stories. Part classroom, part writing group, we will explore the craft of short erotic stories, focusing on the craft of storytelling and how erotica is different than stories without erotic content. You will have something short to read and a writing assignment each week to turn in. Participants will have the opportunity to share their work with each other and give constructive feedback on it. We will meet weekly on Zoom to discuss the readings, workshop selected participant pieces, and answer your questions.

In the class, we will cover in depth craft for the different components of an erotic story. At the end of the class, you will have a revised story from writing prompts and homework ready to polish and submit.

This class is made for folks who are beginners to intermediate writers and who want to hone their craft and publish more work. You do not have to have published anything. All genders, all sexual orientations, all experience levels welcome — no specifics required. Queer characters and kinky acts not required, but this will be a queer-focused and kink-positive space. It will also be kink-positive and trauma informed.

Sliding scale available, click here for more details and to sign up.

Webinars will be recorded and available to download; you do not have to attend live.


Who is behind this?

This series will be led by me, Sinclair, with assistance (and feedback for you!) from erotica writer Ash Orlando, whose work you may already be familiar with at @say_please_baby.

About Ash:

ASH ORLANDO is a playwright, poet and short story writer from Sydney, Australia. They have performed in The Butch Monologues, the Butch/Stud annual performance night and various spoken word events. Ash is also a co-director of Gender Creatives, a collaborative group showcasing work by non-binary artists and writers. They don’t know much, but they know they love you, and that may be all you need to know.

About Sinclair:

SINCLAIR SEXSMITH (they/them) is an award-winning queer trans masc writer focusing on queer culture, trauma, dominance, submission, spiritual kink, and transgender and nonbinary issues. Sinclair’s creative nonfiction and queer erotica writings are widely published online and in more than thirty anthologies, including eight volumes of Best Lesbian Erotica series. They are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, Erotix: Literary Journal of Somatics, and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica. Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2015 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award. Sinclair writes at sugarbutch.net since 2006, recognized numerous places as one of the top sex blogs. They have been teaching about erotic writing, the power of queer narratives, somatic arts, and many sex and kink techniques since 2002. Sinclair is an international leather titleholder, a pretty good cook, and an avid creative journaler. Follow all their work at patreon.com/mrsexsmith.


Dates:

Sundays
February 13 – March 13, 2022
4-6pm PT / 7-9pm ET
$250

How to sign up:

Last day to register is February 6, 2022.

1. Click here and sign up via the Sugarbutch shop!

2. Once you sign up and pay, I will send you an email with next steps, which include signing up for the Google Classroom and an intake survey in your email. Please fill it out to give us a better sense of who will be attending.

3. Your first assignments will drop on Sunday, February

I believe stories matter. Telling our stories matter. Sharing how we as queer, kinky, gender radical people live, love, lust, and desire, helps to support others like us, to feel less alone. We still don’t have enough depictions of our truths out there in the world! And I believe we all have stories to tell. Writing isn’t the only way to share them, but it is the craft I know best, and I am excited to share what I know with you all.

Questions?

Do I have to write erotica?
Nope. You can be working on any kind of writing — poetry, plays, short stories, a novel. It could include erotic content, but it doesn’t have to. We will be talking about the things that are different about writing things with explicit sex in them, but what you turn in as your writing assignments is up to you.

Will the webinars be recorded?
Yes! Webinars will be recorded and available to you to download after they are live.

Will you have an ASL interpreter for the webinars?
Yes; please get in touch at [email protected] I will do my best to accommodate different access needs.

Do I have to publish my work?
No. There’s no requirement to publish, but this class is intended for folks who are pursuing writing with some seriousness and are interested in sharing their work more broadly. We will spend some time going over tips and procedures for publishing.

What kind of feedback will I get?
We focus on giving feedback in the Amherst Writer’s Method, which enhances what is working in the piece and gives the author feedback to encourage them to play to their strengths. The feedback will focus on what’s working, what we love about it, and what stays with us.

Do I have to share my work with the class?
No, it’s optional to share your work. Participants will be encouraged to share their reactions to each other’s work in a particular framework, using primarily positive feedback, and all participants will be able to ask for the kind of feedback that they would like to receive, which could be things like some critique, positive feedback, or just to witness with no feedback at all.

Will there be content warnings? Is this trauma-informed?
Yes, we will use content warnings in this workshop, to let everyone decide what they are equipped to read and make decisions with agency. More details about how to use content warnings will be in the class guidelines. I have studied trauma, restorative justice, and community safety in various form, and I will do my best to keep the needs of survivors forefront in the structure of the workshop.

I can’t afford $250. Is there a sliding scale?
Yep, click here for more details and to sign up.

More questions?
Email me, [email protected]

miscellany, starred

Best of 2021 on Sugarbutch

Unsurprisingly, the dirty Daddy kinky queer smut continues to be the posts with the highest traffic this year — including a variety of guest posts. Thank you to all the authors who let me publish their work! There are a few password protected posts on here, too, which is kind of surprising. Special thanks to everyone who supports me on Patreon (where you get access to the password protected posts, webinars, and more).

This year, Sugarbutch was also named the #1 LGBTQ sex blog! That is so thrilling, and I really appreciate all of you who read and engage with this work.

So here we go!

Here are the top 12 posts from 2021 here on Sugarbutch.

Let’s Watch a Porno, Guest Post by Louise Kane

Content: D/s dynamics, control, orders between Sir/girl dynamic; voyeurism, strap-on sex, objectification, alcohol.

I stood in the doorway, entranced by the glow of the television highlighting C’s seated form—and the hand wrapped around their cock. The ache in my cunt grew as I watched them watching the screen, the drink in my hand forgotten as quickly as they’d forgotten me. I was surprised at how much I liked seeing them so lost in finding their pleasure through someone else.

“I’m pretty sure I told you to get me a drink, not stand in the doorway,” murmured C, eyes not leaving the screen as they languidly stroked themself.

Read it here →

Could I Get A Ride, Guest Post by Betty Shade

Content: this story contains Daddy/girl dynamics and talk, jealousy, break-up sex, emotional sex and BDSM, and name calling.

I lean toward you like I did to that customer, oozing impersonal, subservient charm. “Why? Don’t you want to take me home?” I lean in closer, and you tilt your face toward mine. To kiss me now, after I cheated you and left you and teased you, would be the ultimate submission.

You cup the back of my head softly, so softly that I sigh without a sound, before grabbing a fistful of my hair at the root.

I gasp. Then I giggle. “Ooh, Daddy, that hurt. Do you feel better now, Daddy?”

You yank my head back, making me whimper mid-speech. “I’m not your Daddy anymore,” you hiss.

Read it here →

Milk, Part One (Password protected)


Content warning: this story contains mama/boy dynamic, breast milk, and nursing.

It’s creamier than I thought it would be, and tangier. It fills the back of my mouth and I let it pool and gather before I swallow, thick, running down my throat, heating me from inside. I feel it. I take it in. I take her in, part of her into me, part of her down deep.

Milk.

Her milk. Mama’s milk. I get shivers when I think those two words together in this context, with this meaning. I feel the back of my tongue drop and my throat open. I suck her nipple deeper, pull the entirety of her big areola into my mouth, and part of her breast, scrape it with my teeth because I need it, need it, and she lets me be hungry, the hungry boy I am.

Get the password by joining the Patreon at any level, then read it here →

Climax, Guest Post by rife

She moaned a deep breath and let it out sharply between her teeth.

She could feel every muscle tense, trusty tawny fibers flexing under her soft belly’s padding. Her fingers gripped the shaft resting in her palm almost delicately, then smashed in for another impact. She could feel the shockwaves from every thrust jolt up her body. She was strong, she could take it. It was thrilling.

She could feel her peak coming close, but she wanted to make it last. She paused for a moment, taking stock of her body. Her heart was pounding in her chest and sweat dripped down in rivers from her tits and thickly thatched armpits. It felt good. Alive. She waited just long enough for her ragged breath to steady before pressing on, eager for that sensation she could feel looming just out of reach.

Read it here →

Cinnamon Breakfast, Guest Post by Callie Gibson

Content: Daddy/girl language, Dominance/submission, teasing, verbal humiliation, possession, genital stimulation with a child’s toy

“C’mon, I don’t have all day, Girl. Crawl if you have too.”

I’m on all fours. She straddles me. Feeling the strap on me, I quiver. Eventually, I get to the bed.

“Put your arse up. Take a deep breath in. Good Girl. Now, I’m going to slide this in your cunt. It will go deep. I’ll reward you for making Daddy happy. With each inch of my cock I will feed you one strawberry. I want you to eat all 4. Once that’s done, you pat your cunt like a little kitten and come like a fucking train. Is that understood?”

Read it here →

Listen To Your Skin: Erotica Reading [Recording]

In March 2021, I read some erotica for the reading series Listen To Your Skin, which has some featured readers and then an open mic where anyone can read. This is a video recording of my part.

I read some from Best Lesbian Erotica Volume 5, including my piece “Whatever I Want, Whatever I Say”. One of my favorite things to do when reading from a book is to have the audience call out page numbers, and I read that page — my goal for Sweet & Rough was for there to be something dirty on every page. It doesn’t always work, but it’s exciting to just drop in for a few paragraphs and see what it’s like.

After that, I read from Penetalia: Collegiate Erotica, which was published by a group of students at my university in 2004, and was one of my first erotica publications.

Watch it here →

Ten Erotic Films Better Than 50 Shades of Grey

This is not at all intended to be a comprehensive list — there are hundreds of erotic films and novels out there, many of which are really good. These are, in my opinion, some of the best that I’ve ever seen. And because I’m queer as a three dollar bill, my suggestions tend to be pretty queer, too. If there’s a hetero-oriented book or film on here, it’s because it’s particularly good.

Read it here →

Titrate My Urges


Chapter 1 from an untitled, unpublished novel.

Content warning: sex scene, spanking, brat, dirty talk.

Her bottom is blushing pink under my palms, despite her dark skin; she is warming up quite nicely. She’s starting to move her hips in that undulating, pulsing desirous way that makes me ache to rip open the buttons of my fly and shove hard into her, bury myself up to the hilt. She’s still a little delicate for that. She wants romance, coaxing.

I’m getting a little tired of having to titrate my urges.

Read it here →

Cock Confidence: The RodeoH Slyder (Review)


I’m obsessed. Look, the dildo market for the past twenty years has been a wild ride.

You probably know RodeoH — they make the strap-on harness briefs that made a huge splash ~15 years ago. Well, they’re making dildos now, and some of them are not only hyper-realistic, but have some incredible features I rarely see anywhere else.

Like for example: movable foreskin, and floating balls. Y’all. The skin slides! The balls feel so right and realistic. It quickly rose to my top favorite dicks ever. I haven’t even had it for very long — usually I like to test things out in a variety of conditions before I review them, but I just can’t wait to tell you about this one.

Read it here →

This Isn’t New (Password protected)


Content warning: Daddy/boy dirty talk, D/s, discussions of dysphoria (particularly bottom dysphoria), lots of musings about strap-ons and butch trans dick, sex. Overall, this is very personal.

It started with some dysphoria. That feeling I often have early in the day when I’m still coming back to my body, still welcoming myself whole again, and noticing the lack. Craving some weight between my legs, craving the tug and pull, craving his mouth around me. So I pumped it, and we kept talking. It makes sense, when I think about it — how many years have I been writing about how cock-centric I am? How many years have I talked about wanting strap-on sex vs non-strap-on sex at a ratio of 10:1? This isn’t new.

Get the password by joining the Patreon at any level, then read it here →

Kink 101: Books, Websites, and Other Resources for Someone New to Kink


“Do you have specific resources that you would recommend for me to share with someone who is new to the kink scene? Books, and also digital resources. Mainly tips and introduction writing that you trust.”
Sure do!

There are a lot of sub-categories within kink, BDSM, and fetish. Are you looking for books about bondage? There are dozens! Or books about the intersection of sex and spirituality? Quite a few there too. How about books on power dynamic relationships? That’s a whole other list! Generally, people tend to include all kinds of how-to sex books in beginning guides, too — particular topics like anal sex, threesomes, and strap-ons that are sometimes considered kinky, but sometimes not, depending. Then, all of that opens the doors for topics like open relationships, healing sexual trauma or trauma in general, porn, the ethics of desire and fantasy, embodiment, sexual orientation, gender identity, and more.

So I’m narrowing it down and focusing on more general kink community, culture, concepts, and getting started with kink play.

Read it here →

The Aftermath (Password protected)


We’re all bracing for the unknown aftermath.

We’re in the disaster; we’ve been it for thirteen months. But we’re starting to feel it stir. The newspapers say we can meet inside without masks; Facebook is full of informatics in carries shades of green, yellow, red, for what is safer and what is not. More and more of us are vaccinated. Things are opening up again.

And it’s spring. There is a burst of energy, a collective emergence, when the light starts coming back at the cross-quarter, and then a quickening at the spring equinox. The spring is a transition, like the fall, now happening in the Southern Hemisphere — unlike summer and winter, which are stabilizers. Waystations. Blossoms are here, planting, fistfuls of damp dark earth, the leaves uncurling from that baby-green color of chartreuse to the slightly more certain moss.

Get the password by joining the Patreon at any level, then read it here →

Thank you to everyone who has been reading — this year, and since 2006. It is my privilege & honor to share my thoughts, dirty queer smut, and carefully curated guest posts with you.

journal entries

Come Celebrate Best Lesbian Erotica! Online Erotica Readings in January

January 6, Wednesday, 5-6pm PT / 8-9pm ET at The Ripped Bodice (online)

Featuring Sonni de Soto, Ash Orlando, Tobi Hill-Meyer, & Meg Elison

Tune in to our Best Lesbian Erotica Live Stream Virtual Event with authors Sonni de Soto, Ash Orlando, Tobi Hill-Meyer, and Meg Elison. Moderated by editor Sinclair Sexsmith, they will celebrate the release of the Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year, Volume 6 anthology from Cleis Press.

To watch, go to our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/therippedbodiceLA on Thursday, January 6th from 5:00-6:00 PM PT (you do not need a Facebook account in order to watch).

During the event, you will receive a 24 hour 15% off code to use on any purchase from our website!

We encourage you to ask questions for the authors in the comments section.

SONNI de SOTO is an Asian kinkster of color who knows that, while kink isn’t therapy, play can often be therapeutic. It can often be the place where we explore our deepest fears within a safe context. de Soto has had the privilege of publishing romantic erotica novels and stories with The Sexy Librarian, Cleis Press, Sexy Little Pages, and many others. Find more from her at patreon.com/sonnidesoto and follow her at facebook.com/sonnidesotostories.

ASH ORLANDO is a playwright, poet and short story writer from Sydney, Australia. They have performed in The Butch Monologues, the Butch/Stud annual performance night and various spoken word events. Ash is also a co-director of Gender Creatives, a collaborative group showcasing work by non-binary artists and writers. They don’t know much, but they know they love you, and that may be all you need to know.

TOBI HILL-MEYER is an indigenous chicana trans woman with 15 years experience working in the LGBTQ movement. She is editor of the Lambda Literary Finalist anthology Nerve Endings: The New Trans Erotic, author of children’s books A Princess of Great Daring and Super Power Baby Shower, and director of the award winning erotic documentary series Doing it Online. Currently, she serves as Co-Executive Director for Gender Justice League.

MEG ELISON is a science fiction author and feminist essayist. Her series, The Road to Nowhere, won the 2014 Philip K. Dick award. She was a James A. Tiptree Award Honoree in 2018. In 2020, she published her first collection, called Big Girl with PM Press and her first young adult novel, Find Layla with Skyscape. Meg has been published in McSweeney’s, Fantasy & Science Fiction, Fangoria, Uncanny, Lightspeed, Nightmare, and many other places. Elison is a high school dropout and a graduate of UC Berkeley. Find her online, where she writes like she’s running out of time, at megelison.com & @megelison.

SINCLAIR SEXSMITH (they/them) is “the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers” (AfterEllen), who “is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places” (Autostraddle). Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. Find more of their work at sugarbutch.net.

January 20, 4pm PT / 7pm ET, at Glad Day Books (Online)

Kel Hardy, Titus Androgynous, Meka James, & Quenby

Details TBA!

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Best Lesbian Erotica at Drunken! Careening! Writers!

Kathleen Warnock was the editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series for quite a few years, and is an amazing playwright and erotica writer, too. She runs the Drunken! Careening! Writers! reading series in New York City, and annually in December she hosted a Best Lesbian Erotica release party! The first one I went to was in 2008 (maybe??), and it was where I met authors like DL King, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Tristan Taormino, and queers like Lea Delaria (who was the guest editor one year).

It’s become a bit of a tradition! And then we get to say things like, “it’s the perfect holiday gift! Get one for all the stockings you need to stuff! Pick one up for Grandma!” etc :)

This year, we’re online! Come join us!

Drunken! Careening! Writers! presents “Happy BLE!”

Featuring
Sarah Burghauser
BD Swain
Jacqueline St-Urbain
with your special guest host, Sinclair Sexsmith
and hostess, Kathleen Warnock

Thursday, December 16, 7pm ET
In a special ONLINE event!
RSVP here: https://www.crowdcast.io/e/ble-dcw
facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/492250745443585/

About the Authors

SARAH B. BURGHAUSER is a New Mexico-based writer and teacher. She holds an MFA from Calarts, where she has also taught. Sarah has been awarded fellowships with the MacDowell Colony, Lambda Literary Foundation, and Vermont Studio Center. Her first book, Infringe, is a lyric coming-of-age tale about being a queer Jew, and the places where sex and spiritual well being meet.

BD SWAIN (bdswain.com) is a butch dyke who writes queer smut. You’ll find BD’s stories on her site and in anthologies like Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year, Volume 4, Best Lesbian Erotica 2015, Best Lesbian Erotica 2013, and Unspeakably Erotic: Lesbian Kink. BD lives in Oakland and is currently working on a long form narrative and a collection of her dirty stories.

JACQUELINE ST-URBAIN has been a shit-disturber on the Canadian leather scene for almost two decades. The founder of the Unholy Army of the Night and co-founder of Unholy Harvest, Canada’s long-running weekend for leatherdykes and other queerdos, Jacqueline writes for a living, but loves writing smut so much more than her day job.

miscellany

Elust #144 includes “Titrate My Urges (Chapter One, Part Two)”

Welcome to Elust 144.

Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #145? Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

Erotic Fiction

Piss Perfume

Dominant Dermatologist

Titrate My Urges, Chapter 1 (continued)

Droit de Seigneur 21

Erotic Non Fiction

Double Vaginal Penetration

TIE me UP! TIE me DOWN! NEVER LET me GO!

Making Fantasies A Reality

Pecan Orchards and Alligators: Part I

A night on the town with Charlotte (Part 1)

The Job Interview

Encouraged Bi With a View of Winter Wonderland

2 Nights of Bliss and Debauchery

Books and Movies

Fifty Shades of Black (2016): The Celluloid Dungeon

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 8 Brilliant Books

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Announcing: The Dom Sessions

I’m doing a new thing!

I’ve been talking about this for years and I’m excited to be actually making it happen. In 2022, through the Patreon, I will be running live conversations with other dominants and folks into D/s specifically about dominance, sadism, leadership, consent, choice, and all those things — hard and wonderful — that come with being on the D-side of the slash.

The conversations will be once a month, on the second Wednesdays at 6pm PT/9pm ET for an hour. They will be recorded and folks who are signed up through the Patreon will get the recordings.

I’ll be asking questions like:

  • How do you relate to and find home (or not) in kink communities?
  • Do you think there’s a shortage of doms & tops?
  • How did you come to understanding your dominance or dominant identity?
  • What’s it like to be a dominant with your particular intersectional identities?
  • Do you have a sense of spirituality in your dominance?
  • Who are your D/s mentors? Who did you learn from when you were coming into dominance, and who are your favorite people to learn from now?
  • What are your favorite D/s resources (books, websites, etc)?

… and many more, too — these are just a few to start. Maybe you’ve got some good questions to ask of some very smart D-type folks? Please share them and leave them in the comments!

I’m still lining up the whole year, but I have many amazing educators already planned, and I can’t wait to share them with you! If you don’t already know their work, you definitely should check out what they’re doing with their podcasts, education, videos, community organizing, and more.

Sign up over on Patreon.com for the $5/webinar level or above and you’ll have access to these every month in 2022.


Here’s a little bit more about why I’m making this series …

I don’t know about you, but in the 20+ months of the COVID pandemic so far, in 2020 and 2021, I have had a very hard time staying in touch with my dominance. I used to lean on my community — events, play parties, conferences, retreats, double dates, cotopping dates — to keep me inspired, to keep me in my dominance headspace, to keep my relationship structure in a community context, and to keep me grounded.

I miss all of those ways we used to connect in person intensely.

I hope the Dom Sessions series can do some of those things: provide inspiration, encourage my D/s headspace, supporting the authority exchange in my relationship. And hopefully, they can do some of that for you, too.


Psst: submissives & switches & other folks who do not identify as dominants are welcome! Though the conversations will be dominant-focused, anyone can attend.

So who will be part of this?

So far, some amazing folks! I will announce the others and update them here as I have them confirmed.

Miss Lola Sunshine

Wednesday, January 12, 6pm PT

Miss Lola Sunshine is a kinky queer high femme who believes in glitter, excellent manners, and cooking with real butter. She loves Disney, Barbie, and Hello Kitty. When she is not at Disneyland, or traveling to Disney parks all over the world, she is a sex and kink educator who has helped host and facilitate play parties and gatherings for adult littles, queer and trans people, and people of color in the Bay Area, which is where she lives, works, and plays with her dog Cupcake, over two dozen mouse ears, and over 50 pairs of shoes.

Marcia B

Wednesday, February 9, 6pm PT

Marcia Baczynski is an internationally recognized expert on sexuality, communication and personal empowerment who works to provide people with practical tools to create extraordinary relationships. Her primary mission is to help people overcome shame and get in touch with what they truly want — romantically, sexually and relationally — even if it’s off the beaten path.

As co-founder of Cuddle Party, Marcia has helped tens of thousands of people to speak up for the kind of touch they want, say No unapologetically, and foster more honest, connected relationships. She is a sought-after coach and presenter who has made hundreds of media appearances across the globe, including Rolling Stone, GQ, People, and Newsweek.

Marcia brings wisdom, humor, and creativity to all aspects of her work, and offers a fresh perspective on love, sex and relationships. When she’s not writing, teaching or traveling, you can find her hiking or camping in the woods, spending time with her family, or on a boat.

Midori

Wednesday, March 9, 6pm PT

Trailblazing educator, sexologist, artist, and irritant to banality, Midori founded Rope Dojo and ForteFemme: Women’s Dominance Intensive. She penned the first English instruction book on Shibari titled, “Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” in 2001, paving the way to the popularity of rope. Dan Savage calls her the “Super Nova of Kink,” while others affectionately call her Auntie Midori for her cool, tell-it-like-it-is, funny, reality-based teaching. 

She is also the author of “Wild Side Sex,” “Master Han’s Daughter,” and “Silk Threads.”
During this pandemic, learn, laugh and enjoy her special online classes, events and art at www.patreon.com/PlanetMidori. Creative Living Coaching and Private Sexological Consultations: [email protected] Links: Instagram: PlanetMidori | Facebook: MidoriReallyMidori | FetLife: Midori | Twitter: @PlanetMidori

Daemonum X

Wednesday, April 13, 6pm PT

Daemonum X is a femme leatherdyke and lifestyle Dominant. She is a polyamory and BDSM coach offering strategies for successful relationships. She is the founder and Editrix of FIST, an anthology zine for leatherdykes, as well as Linked, A Polyamory Zine. More of her words on BDSM and power exchange can be found in Them, Autostraddle, and Wussy Mag. Daemonum X lives in Brooklyn with her two dogs.

You can follow her on social media @daemonumX, subscribe to her newsletter, and buy zines at fistzine.com.

Teagan The Bootblack

Wednesday, May 11, 6pm PT

Teagan fell in love with bootblacking at a young age, doing her shoes before church. Although these days her skills are being put to more salacious uses, she still identifies as a spiritual bootblack. For her, bootblacking harkens back to the foot-washing ritual. Teagan is International Ms Bootblack 2018, and the 20th person to hold that title. She is based in Oakland, CA. During her title year she invited our community to “Take Refuge” in the capable hands of our bootblacks. She’s the executive producer of the San Francisco Bootblack Contest.

Sir Damien

Wednesday, June 8, 6pm PT

Sir Damien is a queer, trans, Dominant, who has been a part of the leather community since 2012. He is the co-Head of House of Maison de Meson with Mademoiselle Ceci. He is passionate about bringing leather and kink education to the BIPOC community as well as creating intentional space for BIPOC in the leather community. To this end, Sir Damien has hosted hospitality suites, sat on panels and taught classes around the country. Since 2019, he has taken pride in making it his part-time job to aid and support IMsLBB as the Technical Producer.

Sir Damien is the Sergeant at Arms for ONYX NW, sits on the Board of Directors for the NCSF and for POCKLE, and is the co-founder of the Seattle Annex of the Carter Johnson Leather Library. He finds the time to further serve the leather and kink community as a mentor, educator and advocate for BIPOC and transgender kinksters. In addition to his leather journey, Sir Damien has a Masters degree in Computer Science, is an avid reader and has earned multiple patents for his engineering work in aviation.

TBD

Wednesday, July 10, 6pm PT

Anton Fulmen

Wednesday, August 10, 6pm PT

Anton is the author of The Heart of Dominance and The Dominance Playbook, a kink and sexuality educator, and has had a lifelong passion for intimate authority and control. Find all his kink education work at www.ConsensualDominance.com.

TBA

Wednesday, September 14, 6pm PT

TBA

Wednesday, October 12, 6pm PT

The Black Queer Dominant

Wednesday, November 9, 6pm PT

A #sensualdominant exploring the edges of desire, intimacy & freedom for Black Queer Folx. instagram.com/blackqueerdom

Mademoiselle Ceci

Wednesday, December 14, 6pm PT

The rest of 2022 will be announced soon!

Can’t wait to share these conversations with you, and hear all your amazing questions about dominance and D/s, too. Hope you’ll join me.

Sign up over on Patreon.com for the $5/webinar level or above and you’ll have access to these every month in 2022.

fiction

Titrate My Urges, Chapter 1 (continued)

This is a continuation of chapter 1 of the unpublished, unedited, untitled novel. Read the first part of chapter 1 here.

Content warning: breakup, sex scene, spanking, brat, dirty talk.

Chapter 1 (continued)

I try to focus. I will my hands to be present, will my mind to stay and be with Tally, with this body, with her skin and her naked vulnerability. She is vulnerable here, she is still naked here, despite my desire for more, this is as much as she can give me in this moment and I want to take it willingly, gratefully. I want to earn it, deserve it. My negative thoughts are certainly not helping my own focus or presence. I breathe, run my hands gently over her ass and thighs, soft, soft touches where she’s pink and swollen and a few little finger imprints are starting to darken.

Electricity runs through me as soon as I focus, as soon as I gather my energy back to me and direct it to her. Her body softens and I can feel her focus, too. In response to me, or just out of coincidence, I don’t know, but I like it. I feel attuned. I feel more connected. Maybe it’s me, maybe I’m the disconnect. Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations. Who really wants to give over like that? Honestly, wouldn’t they all rather be submissives when it suited their own needs? Who wants a strict Dominant, barking orders, demanding perfection? Perhaps someone. But what if I never find her? There must be someone. It is my belief that our desires are not that unique, that we all fall within the range of human desire and expectation and experience, so thus there must be our equal and opposite out there somewhere. “Just make sure your scars line up, equal and opposite,” that’s what X says.

The Magic Wand buzzes in my hand, I can feel it vibrating my shoulder and the bones of my arm, even the right side of my chest and neck and face. There’s less buzz in the handle than there is in the head, that soft plastic bulb the size of a tennis ball. I suppose it’s good for working kinks out of the body, too—the big muscles, the thighs, the back, the bottoms of the feet. X even told me that he got a little addicted to pressing it against the side of his temple or on his ear, and it felt just so so good, but it started to feel like he was rattling his brain. He probably was.

I press it against the backs of Tally’s knees, first. Just barely touching, a whisper. Just a little zzzt and then gone, just to surprise her, just to get her ready and remind her of the feeling. She yelps, jumping and jerking her body, her thighs jiggling. Oh I want to grab them, grip them hard, claw into their softness. I press it again into the backs of her thighs, harder this time, for longer, but then taking it away, moving up the back of her legs, alternating between the left and the right. She wants it on that sweet spot between her legs, she’s rubbing them together and I can see how it’s rubbing her pussy lips, too. She’s so wet.

“Good girl,” I whisper, more to myself than to her. I’m not sure she can hear me. Her head is down, hair falling over her shoulders and past her ears. It’s so thick I think it probably blocks the noise fairly effectively. She’s breathing heavy. Her skin is flushing, her cinnamon color is a little pink.

“Please, Harrison, please give it to me, I’ve been good, I promise I’ve been good, I need it, please … please, sir!” She remembers the “sir” at the last moment. I do like it when she begs. She hasn’t been good, but hearing her promise like that makes me want to coo to her how good she’s been, even if it isn’t true. The game of it, the play, is sometimes more powerful than the truth.

I position the toy right over her cunt, bouncing it gently off of her ass cheeks and that sensitive spot where her thigh meets her ass, just so she can feel how close it is. She gasps, begging some more.
“This what you want?” I growl in her ear, leaning over her body. I get a whiff of her shampoo, something floral and clean that reminds me of the girls in the early-morning classes I used to take in college. Intoxicating, for some reason. What is it about that girl shampoo that is always distinctive, always inciting desire?

“You have been very good, Tally. I’m proud of you, baby girl.” I don’t call her that often, or lightly. She mewls a little and softens, relaxing into the leather horse and rubbing her skin of her arms against mine where they overlap. “I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You know I do, right?” I touch the toy softly, as softly as I can manage, to her vulva directly, letting its bounce and vibration shift the sensation. I try to hold it still as she writhes and tries to get it in the right spot. She tries to nod and say yes but it comes out hmmmm, but I get the message. “You’re gorgeous, girl. Glorious. Your body is so fucking sexy.” I’m growling in her ear, starting to undulate my body on top of hers, she’s getting a rhythm down against the leather and against the vibrator, I can feel her thighs against my jeans, we’re getting a rhythm together and it’s working, it’s working. “I like the noises you make. You’re so incredibly hot. You know it’s hard for me to keep these jeans zipped, don’t you?” She nods, says mmmm in agreement. (This is what she wants to hear.) “You want my dick, girl? I know you do. You’ve asked for it before. You’re not going to get it tonight, but I know you want it. This is what you get, Tally, this right here, this vibrator and this orgasm, this is what you get. Go ahead and come girl, I know you want to. Can you do it yet? Can you do it for me?” She moans and thrusts harder, she’s getting the right spot finally and I can tell she’s so close by the way her whole body tightens and clenches. I don’t know if what I’m saying is going to help, but it probably won’t hurt. Probably. Though who knows what will set her off, sometimes it is the smallest thing I say.

We’re not a good match.

I try not to dwell on it while she’s coming. It might be the last time I get to watch her go through this tightening and releasing, this quake, le petite morte. That thought makes me immensely sad. She’s so lovely to watch. She should really do porn, I would watch her come all day. Maybe I should’ve had some orgasm endurance scenes with her before … before it became so obvious that we weren’t going to work. The way she cries out with her throat, pursing her lips and growling through her teeth, jaw clenched, hands gripping and tearing, she’s so gorgeous, collapsing everything down onto the horse when she comes.

I hold her and stroke her skin, getting lost in the magic of connection as my fingertips marvel against the curves of her and my head swims with the endorphins of endurance, of coaching someone through an ordeal scene that might be pushing just a little harder than they would like me to, but ultimately they are grateful for the encouragement. I can’t help it. I want to push, want her to take it for me, want her to want to please me with her body and her service and to take it just because I want her to. I suppose it’s lucky that our desires line up—that I want to spank her, and she wants to be spanked. That works, even if the games we’re playing underneath it or on top of those interactions don’t quite line up accurately. It feels dishonest. I can’t keep doing this. But her body … her beautiful lips, her smile, the way she kisses, the way she nestles into me and hums, content … I can’t get enough of it. I crave her when she isn’t around.

I crave something. I’m not certain it’s her.

Tally smiles up at me and peels herself off of the leather. “I’m ravenous!” she exclaims. “What have you got in your fridge?”

*

She putters around my kitchen wearing my button-down shirt. I didn’t know girls actually did that. When she raises her arms above her head, the shirt comes up just enough to show off her round, plump ass, and I find myself rubbing my lips with my thumb and watching intently. She has the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and only the bottom buttons buttoned. The crisp white of it contrasts against her skin.

After a few minutes she has a grilled cheese sandwich on the stove, smelling heavenly. She finds mustard and roasted red peppers, and adds those to the sandwich, pouring us both water and giving me quick kisses as she flutters around. I sit at the breakfast bar, my eyes following her every move. Am I staring? Is that rude? No, I’m paying attention, listening to her stories, connecting. This kitchen isn’t exactly the best place for that, but I’ll take it. The cabinets are cheap veneer, a light wood color that I’m certain isn’t real, and while I do feel lucky to enjoy many luxuries in this apartment, the kitchen isn’t really one of them. It’s cramped and not well laid out, with the stove against the refrigerator on one side and the sink on the other, with barely any counter space aside from this breakfast bar, which serves as my only table. But I love that I get to have my own dungeon, and I can’t afford most two-bedroom apartments. I’ve been here long enough to have rent control, so I won’t be leaving anytime soon.

“What was your favorite part?” Tally asks, pausing and resting her elbows on the counter across from me, swaying her ass side to side just a little.

“Of tonight?”

She nods.

“You know I like how you come. The way you thrash and cry out.”

She smiles shyly, reaching for my hand across the table and tracing one finger down one of mine. “I liked when you called me good.”

“When I said ‘good girl’?” I say softly, feeling that growl in my throat rising.

She nods again, steals a glance up at me from under her long lashes. “You don’t call me that very often.”

I nod a little in acknowledgment. “It seems like you want a daddy,” I say slowly. I don’t really want to open this up again, but it always seems to come up.

“I know. And you aren’t that.”

“More like, I don’t want to be. I can be, I have been. I want … more than that, now.” I want a 24/7 submissive, I want to tell her—but I swallow the words back down into my chest and hope they get planted there to grow something stronger tomorrow. I don’t know how to tell her what I want, and that she isn’t that. It doesn’t seem fair. She is so lovely, sexy, willing. I want that to be enough. But it isn’t.

She looks away and goes back to the stove, flipping the grilled cheese and moving it with the spatula, staring at it intently as if it’s going to do something brilliant any moment. “Why isn’t that me?” She asks in a small voice, still staring at the stove.

“I … really like you, Tally. You’re amazing. Plus, you make a mean grilled cheese,” I grin, trying to lighten things, but I can see it’s not going to blow over so quickly. Tally’s face doesn’t change, she has a whisper of devastation and a stripe of deep pain and rejection that I can’t overlook. I move over toward her and wrap my arms around her from behind, kissing her head. She’s almost as tall as me—probably at least 5’6” to my 5’8”—but I have a lot more bulk, and when I fold around her she seems so small. She leans her head back against my shoulder and nuzzles a little, but I can feel her upset.

She sighs and pulls away from me. “Yeah, well.” She flips the two grilled cheeses onto plates and sets them down on the breakfast bar, leaving me standing there, arms empty.

I guess there’s nothing else to say.

Tally takes a long drink from the water glass and picks up her grilled cheese, contemplating it as she takes a bite. The toasty bread crunches between her teeth and her eyes close a little, mouth turning up at the corners in a happy grin. I take a seat on the swivel bar stool next to her and try to focus on my sandwich.

We had fun. We’re not a match.

What else is there to say, really.

Tally and I finish our sandwiches mostly in silence, with the occasional polite post-sex conversation of lovers that are probably not going to see each other again. I second guess myself, and then make up my mind again. My dick is still hard and it doesn’t seem to be lessening anytime soon—I’m eager to take care of it. Maybe I’ll get some decent sleep tonight.

I wash the few dishes we’d used as she goes back into the dungeon to get dressed and get her things. Two small round blue plexiglass plates, the flat griddle from the stove, a quick rinse of the water glasses. I’m getting a little chilly, as midnight sets in and I’m still shirtless in jeans, but the warm water feels nice on my hands.

Walking back down the hall toward the dungeon, I snag my robe off of the back of the bathroom door where it’s hanging and slide my arms into it, wrapping it around me. It’s short, coming down just past my butt, and a dark blue terrycloth that feels like a big bath towel or a hug. It’s comforting. I don’t often wear it around other people, but then again, Tally isn’t just “people.” She’s always felt special.

See, there I go again. Ambivalent, wavering, weak. I need to make a choice and stick with it. There is part of me that is afraid of losing her, that I won’t find anyone better. I could enjoy her, I do enjoy her—I just have this craving for more. Is that unreasonable? Maybe I’m way out of my league here, maybe I shouldn’t be expecting so much. I don’t want to demand more than I deserve. And yet, in another way I kind of do. I want to be able to be so demanding and have someone else take it, figure it out, despite it being unreasonable or too much. Aren’t we all afraid of being “too much?” And aren’t we all, at some point, actually too much for someone else to handle? Maybe it’s wrong to turn that into a fetish, but I also can’t help what I like. X would say, “You are what you are. The trick is to figure it out, and be it, one hundred percent.”

I guess I’m just still figuring myself out, so no wonder it’s so hard to be it.

Tally is standing in the doorway at the dungeon, taking a long, forlorn look at the room like she knows she isn’t coming back here. She’s fine, I tell myself. I don’t have to protect her. I don’t have to make this anything other than what it is. She has her short red pencil skirt back on, her low T-strap heels, her white blouse and her black bomber jacket. She looks like a thousand bucks. Her purse is a patchwork of different colored leathers, sewn haphazardly together with a short strap. She gathers and flips her hair.

“Okay,” she says. “Time to go.”

I walk her to the front door. She turns in the doorway and looks at me, a crooked smile playing on her mouth, as if she isn’t sure what to say. I catch myself fidgeting with my robe and try to be a little more solid, a little more stoic. Come on, Harrison, you can do this. I step toward her and slide my hands around her waist, up under her shoulder blades, holding her close for a moment before pulling away to kiss her, tenderly, my lips on hers.

“Well, Tally …” I start.

“Yeah. It’s been real, Harrison. I’ll see you.” Her eyes are a little shadowy as she pulls away and slips out the door. I hear her shoes on the stairs down to the first floor and watch her cross the apartment building’s small lot to her car, a little two-door white 1980s BMW. The city has calmed down since the busy din of the day, but I can still hear the rush of cars from the nearby freeway, the hum of the streetlights, some people yelling drunkenly down the block. Tally gets into her car and pulls out of the lot, and I turn back into my apartment, locking the door behind me, and head into my bedroom to jerk off.

journal entries

Writing Erotica Is Activism: An Interview With Me on Erotica Writing

Rachel Kramer Bussel is writing a book on how to write erotica, titled How to Write Erotica, and it should be published either in late 2022 or early 2023 from Cleis Press. She interviewed me recently for the book and is going to use excerpts from it within the book — so here it is, in full. Can’t wait for the book!

What drew you to erotica as a reader? 

I’ve always been fascinated by everything erotic, since I was a pre-teen. I started reading it because I would pursue the bookshelves of the houses where I babysat, after the kids would go to bed, and try to find anything salacious. At one house I found Nancy Friday’s book My Secret Garden — I devoured it, and I was hooked. I went on to buy all her other books that I could find, and then some of the books that were shelved next to hers in the library and bookstore too. It was really good to read that when I was young, I was probably 14; it’s a compilation of “women’s sexual fantasies,” some were written and some were audio interviews by Friday. It covered every fantasy I could think of and dozens more that I never would have thought of, and there was a whole section with women describing ways they masturbated (bathtubs, candles, screwdrivers, pillows), so I promptly tried all of them. 

When I came out as queer later, when I was about 19, I devoured all the lesbian erotica I could find, trying to ask and answer the question of what women do together and what queer sex was like. I found the Best Lesbian Erotica series in 1999 and was again hooked, and have followed the series and read every one ever since.

When and why did you get started writing erotica? Where were you first published? 

I started writing erotica during college, when I lived in Seattle and was studying at the Bent writing institute for queers as well as going to University of Washington. I would read explicitly erotic things at queer open mics, and share them with my writing groups, and it was key to my coming out process to explore these kinds of queer erotic desires not just by myself, but within community. While I had poems published other places, the first erotica I published in my university’s short-lived erotic literary journal called Penetalia: Collegate Erotica. A few years later, I had a short story accepted to Best Lesbian Erotica 2006, which was absolutely thrilling and the first book my work was ever published in.

Why have you continued to write erotica on an ongoing basis? Has writing erotica affected your personal/non-writing life in any way?

Writing erotica is many things for me: it’s activism, as making queer, trans, nonbinary, and kink identities visible is a big deal and continually important to share what queer people do as ideas, roadmaps, options for folks who are coming in to these identities. It’s also a personal inquiry for me, very full of introspection and omphaloskepsis, and it is a way that I both process the world around me and push myself forward into my own evolutions. I use erotic writing as a tool to become more myself, explore myself, and write myself toward what I want and who I want to be.

How did you decide on your pseudonym?

When I started Sugarbutch in 2006 anonymous blogs were much more common and popular than they are now, so it made a lot of sense to use some anonymity and a pseudonym. Claire is one of my favorite names, so I started there, and adding “Sin” as an erotic pseudonym made a lot of sense — I was looking for a way to make it more masculine. The “Sexsmith” part came later, it was just Sinclair for a long time, until I started being asked to do things and it became more apparent that I needed a last name. I was asked to be part of a documentary about sex blogs in New York City and started hunting for a last name, and I saw an interview with Ron Sexsmith in a magazine and it clicked. 

How do you define erotica?

Just about any writing that is sensual, arousing, kinky, or sexual — sometimes all of those, sometimes one and not others. I believe many, many things can be erotic and sensual, not just sex and kink. 

What do you think sets your erotica apart/makes it unique?

My work is explicitly queer and kinky, and usually contains butch/femme dynamics, butch/boy dynamics, nonbinary and trans characters, dominance and submission, consent, aftercare, and a rich internal emotional world. I see my work in a lineage of writers like Patrick Califia, Xan West, Carol Queen, and many other leather and kinky writers who have come before me.

How do you get ideas for your erotica?

Mostly from my own life — either from scenes I have actually had, from fantasizing, or from community and friends’ inspirations and ideas. Sometimes I’m challenged to write something a certain way, sometimes I challenge myself and sometimes that comes from writing friends or mentors.

Which pieces of your erotica have been most popular and what kinds of erotica have been most popular on your site Sugarbutch (however you want to quantify that), and why do you think that is?

The most popular stories have been butch/femme kinky erotica stories, and stories with daddy dynamics (both daddy/girl and daddy/boy). These stories have pretty high search rankings, and get quite a lot of traffic from organic search — because the internet is for porn, after all, and erotica with daddy dynamics in it is in high demand. I think people continue to be curious about the erotic and power dynamics within family configurations. 

Which methods have you found to be the best ways to promote your work as an erotica author and/or editor, and why have they been successful for you?

Patreon, my own personal mailing list, and Twitter are my major focuses to promote my work. Twitter seems to be the best of all of the social medias for allowing explicitly sexual content. It has been an ongoing challenge to share sexually explicit content on social media, and because my website is sexually explicit I am not allowed to promote it on channels like Facebook and Twitter, so I don’t even have the option to pay for ads. I focus much more on my own channels that I can control, like my mailing list and Patreon, and on Twitter, which helps me build relationships and listen to people who are reading.

As an erotica anthology editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year series and other titles, what do you look for from story submissions? 

I look for strong interior landscapes, emotionality, fleshed-out characters, unique and realistic situations, and stories rooted in queer experiences and community. Ideally, I want a wide range of gender expression, sexual expression, kink expression, race, neurodiversity, and ability, so I’m always looking for those too. I don’t always get those, but they stand out when I do.

What advice would you give aspiring authors? 

Find and create a writing group — that is the best way I’ve found to keep challenging myself, get feedback, and learn to love the editing process. Also, the age-old advice of collecting 100 rejections is also a very worthy pursuit, as it really helps build up that muscle for submitting pieces and not being as disappointed by rejections.

Is there anything that you see in submissions that puts a story in the immediate no category?

Nonconsent and cheating would immediately be nos, unless I can see a way to edit it out simply. Because this particular series (Best Lesbian Erotica) is intended for a very general audience, 

Who are 1-2 of your favorite erotica authors and why are you fans of their work?

Patrick Califia and Xan West are two of my favorites of all time. They inspire me personally, with their depictions of kink, responsibility, ethics, and trans content, and they inspire me professionally to write the dark, dirty stuff, to go for the jugular, and to include the messy, human aspects of sex, kink, and relationships. 

Have you ever faced any negative repercussions from writing erotica and if so, did that change how you approach the genre?

Not really. The only negative repercussions I can think of are from writing memoir explicitly about people that I slept with or dated, without their permission — and that is more about me not getting consent than it is about writing erotica in general. That was years ago, and I don’t do that anymore; if I write about people explicitly (which is rare) I always get permission from them and let them see the work first before I publish it.

media, starred

Announcing: The Table of Contents for Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6

Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6 is due out in January 2022, and includes 23 incredible stories, including some of my favorite erotica writers, like BD Swain, Ash Orlando, Katrina Jackson, Tobi Hill-Meyer, and so many more.

Without further ado, here is the table of contents:

1. Something Had Shifted — BD Swain
2. Home — Ash Orlando
3. Documenting Desire — Luisa Margo Park
4. Code — Meg Elison
5. Private Dancer — Meka James
6. Operation O — Therin Salem Christy
7. Being Present — Tobi Hill-Meyer
8. New Normal — Sonni de Soto
9. A Good Day — Lianyu Tan
10. Something Slutty — Mx. Nillin Lore
11. The Office Halloween Party — Bear Nicks
12. Conductor — Megan Stories
13. Bridesmaids — Katrina Jackson
14. A Year of Love, An Evening of Lust — Quenby
15. Rematch — Tiara-Jordanae
16. Be Rough — Kel Hardy
17. Take Me To Church — Titus Androgynous
18. Relentless — Sinclair Sexsmith
19. I Just Really Love Cats — Cassandra Cavenaugh
20. Like a Fucking Mother — Sarah B. Burghauser
21. The Moon and Your Eyes — August In Flux
22. Magic Is Coming — Stephani Maari Booker
23. Homecoming — Jacqueline St-Urbain

 

If you contributed to this book, here’s an image you can share!

journal entries

Elust #143 includes my story “Titrate My Urges”

Welcome to Elust 143.

Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #144? Start with the rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

Erotic Fiction

Oh God, I’m Cumming

Cuck Envy

Daddy Comfort

Punishment

The Cycle

The Dinner Date

Witchy Pegging Session- A Domination Duo

Locktober – Trick or Treat

Titrate My Urges: Chapter 1 (Untitled, Unpublished Novel Excerpt)

Erotic Non Fiction

Creating The Best Day

The Queen Will Mindfuck You Now…

Hard to get out of bed, sometimes

Anal Action Duo with Vanessa and Mr & Mrs S Couple

The Doctor Will See You Now

Kinky Devils. Torturegarden Halloween Party

State of the World

Sex Work Is Work – But So Many Forces Are Working Against It

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

8 Small Penis Humiliation Ideas To Make Subs Cry

Honey Birdette Spreader Bar

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

4 Toys That Stimulate the Internal Clitoris

Ghosting, Breadcrumbs, and Gaslighting

fiction

Titrate My Urges: Chapter 1 (Untitled, Unpublished Novel Excerpt)

This is chapter 1 of the unpublished, unedited, untitled novel that I wrote for Nanowrimo a few years ago. I’m starting up Nanowrimo for the 5th time tomorrow — wish me luck! — so I thought I’d share a little bit from a different project. This piece is also an excerpt from this novel, though much later in the book.

Content warning: sex scene, spanking, brat, dirty talk.

Chapter One

Her bottom is blushing pink under my palms, despite her dark skin; she is warming up quite nicely. She’s starting to move her hips in that undulating, pulsing desirous way that makes me ache to rip open the buttons of my fly and shove hard into her, bury myself up to the hilt. She’s still a little delicate for that. She wants romance, coaxing.

I’m getting a little tired of having to titrate my urges.

Her thighs are thick and her calves are strong, she’s up on her tiptoes bent over the small leather-covered horse in my dungeon, the spare room I’ve been working on building up into an SM space for the past year or so. She’s the one who asked for a spanking tonight, after pouting through dinner and not quite pouring my wine right, even though I’ve trained her to do it before. Maybe it’ll remind her for next time. If there is a next time.

“Harrison,” she whimpers, pushing her heavy dark hair out of her eyes and looking back at me. Her eyes are watery and big, wide-open and that deep brown sparkly gold color that has me enamored of her beauty. The way she would blink those long lashes and look up at me from under her bangs and toss it, just a little, out of her face—oh that gets me. That gets me good.

“That’s ‘Sir’ to you, young lady,” I growl in reply, smacking her ass again with my open palm. My hand is getting tired, palm is getting more sensitive, but she’s not quite that shade of red that I want her to be, so I have to keep going. No way to back off now. She’s pushing her ass back into my hands and breathing heavy, writhing on the horse and raising up onto her toes and back to her feet as she tries to get me to touch her between the legs, her arousal already visible.

But this isn’t for her, this is for me.

Except, it kind of is for her. She’s the one who wanted this. She’s the one who thought a spanking after screwing up the wine would absolve her of her missteps. Me, I don’t really believe in punishment—it’s proven not to work, after all, as a long-term strategy of training. Plus, these things that we play with should be fun, pleasurable, reward—not given as a negative. But, I do think it can absolve some guilt, if one is actually feeling guilt. Perhaps I can smack some guilt into her. Perhaps if I hit her hard enough, she’ll remember that she’s in trouble. No, no, bad idea—I don’t want to play from some place of anger or frustration. I want the intention of love and care behind every swat. I want this to be the time we connect most deeply—to ourselves, and to each other.

But Tally is off in her own world, writhing and biting the leather horse, swaying her hips back and forth and grinding into the leather like it might jump up and caress her if she does it well enough. This isn’t about pleasure, except that it is.

If she wasn’t just so damn sexy, I would have a lot more will power. I would resist the ways she’s trying to get me to do particular things and instead impose what I want, deny her, attempt to make her earn what it is she wants only to take it away at the last minute. But she pouts and whines, and she gets that look in her eye like I’m being so completely unreasonable, and it isn’t just play.

She tosses her hair again. It falls down her upper arm on the left side in a cascade that looks like a blanket, it’s so dense I can’t see her skin through it. I shift my body over hers so I can grip it and take as much as I can into my small hand and fist it, pulling her head up by it, just a little bit of pressure, pulling her neck long, as I rub her ass with my right hand. I hit her ass again, this time with the heel of my hand, almost a punch. Cupping my hand and more smacks. She lifts herself a little onto her hands to support her weight and gasps, eyes closed, mouth open. Her teeth are crooked in the front and it makes her smile look just a little bit lopsided, just a little stronger on the left than on the right, like a little kid who lost a tooth. Her lips are full and red from all the kissing, from the arousal, from the leather she’s been rubbing them against. Her cheeks are flushed. Her ears are pinned to her head by her long hair which I still have in my fist, pulling just a little too hard, she’s not sure she likes it but she does, so she doesn’t protest. Her neck stretched like this makes her back arch and her ass flip into the air, those girl-curves so exaggerated. Her body is already full of curves, her ass and thighs and breasts and stomach, plump and pudgy, something to grab on to, something to cuddle against.

“You look so pretty like this,” I say into her ear, soft and low, letting that growl come out of my throat. I kiss her neck and jaw and she swoons, opens her throat wider for me to reach her. She tastes like honey and sweat and I want to devour her. Want to rip at her throat.

I can’t. I can’t. Don’t get carried away.

“Mmmm I like that … that feels good,” she coos, reaching for my jeans and trying to get closer to my body. It’s hot in here, I’ve taken my shirt off, the light brown fur on my chest only slightly damp from sweat and work, my nipples hard. My light brown hair is just tickling the tops of my ears—it’s time to get a haircut. I keep it shaved short on the sides, just long enough on top to push it back and style it in some modern masculine style that makes me look older than I really am. It makes me feel strong, official. Still have my shoes on, the soft brown leather loafers that I’ve broken in so well over the years. I like to have the click of a sole against the hardwood floor while I play. I like the effect, the intimidation.

“Tally, wait,” I order, impatient already. “Not yet.”

“But I want to!” she immediately replies, her lower lip coming out just a little in that pout that I can’t resist. I want to smack her face. I almost bring my hand up to do it, but I know she’d get mad about it. Feel punished, but in the bad way. I can feel how she wants to. I know what she wants — my dick — though I have continuously refused to give it to her. First, I tried to ensure her that she had to earn it; then I tried to explain that I wasn’t ready; then I just flat-out denied her. She doesn’t seem to get it. It’s not all about that, for me. She’d asked me if I was one of those “tantra guys who never come.” No, I replied. I just don’t do that with everyone. We’ll see how far we get, you and me. Maybe it’ll happen eventually. But don’t count on it. “Do you still want to fuck me, though?” She’d asked with that wide-eyed stare up at me. Of course.

Fuck, of course I do. The way she writhes and coos and comes while biting her lip and thrashes and her hair goes everywhere. The way she breathes out and reaches for me. The way she softens. I crave it, I crave girls in that state, I wake up thinking about her face and my fingers inside her and when it’s going to be my hand and when it’s going to be my dick. I’m just not ready.

Women aren’t really used to men who don’t use their dicks. Or men with these kinds of boundaries, for that matter.

“Just a little longer, girl,” I reply, pushing her head back down to the leather horse and focusing again on her ass, smacking her with my fingers, small upward swats that make her gasp and sting my fingertips. I keep her hair in my hand and push her into place, lean against the horse gently in the curve at her side between her hips and shoulders. She leans into me, just enough to shift her position on the horse.

“Harrison, that’s not fair!” she protests again, but gives in, sighing down onto the leather. She tucks her arms under her and it feels like a protesting pout again, an annoyance.

I’m just about done with this back-and-forth game. I don’t know how to get what I want when she is only interested in getting what she wants. It’s just not the game I want to play. I consider telling her to get up and get her clothes and get out, but I’m not that mean. Plus, I really like her, and the way her ass is reddened and her sex is all swollen is making me salivate. Maybe I can at least help her get off, before she goes.

“You’ve done a good job, Tally,” I compliment, trying to boost her up a little more so she can take it. Come on, just a little more, girl. You can do it. I want more, dammit, why can’t I have more.

“You mean it?”

“I do. I appreciate you taking this for me, though I do want you to be able to take more, and with less protest. Maybe that will come with time. You’ll get there.”

She relaxes a little more, reaches out to touch my jeans again, but just for contact, not a request.

“I’m going to go get a vibrator for you. Stay here, don’t move. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes? Yes what?”

She sighs and rolls her eyes. Actually rolls them! At me! For enforcing a protocol we have set up, for expecting her to do the things we’ve agreed upon. This girl, this girl.

“Yes, sir,” she offers reluctantly.

I get up to retrieve the Magic Wand from my toy box against the wall and plug it in. That eye roll is just about the last straw. What am I going to do with her? I can’t just do whatever I want, she needs too much hand-holding. I want to explore the side of me that needs, that wants, that could lose myself in another’s body, in a woman’s body, in a submissive’s obedience. I want to be able to follow my impulses. I want to be met and held there. There’s something down underneath that, but I’m not sure what it is. I want to find out.

Sliding up against her body, I turn on the Magic Wand so she can hear it. She gasps. She knows that sound. Not everyone loves the Magic Wand, the mother of all vibrators, but once you get used to it, it becomes an essential piece of the toy box. Don’t think it’s just for the girls, either—it feels amazing on my balls. I keep one handy for those who can handle the lawn mower intensity of vibration. When Tally came to me, she rarely came any other way—which was fine, it meant that I could really control when and how she came. She protested that kind of play, however, despite that she had dropped to her knees and declared her determination to “become your favorite submissive” on our second date. But three months in? I, well, I have doubts.

This Magic Wand has to stay plugged into the wall, but the leather horse is strategically placed such that it reaches just fine. She’s moaning and writhing, she knows what’s coming; I’m glad she can’t really see me, or perhaps she’d be clued in to how bored I am. Would she care? Who knows. I can’t help that we aren’t the right match, I just can’t.

Tally is arching her back, showing off her fabulous ass, stretching up on her toes trying to reach her hips back into me, into the Wand, into anything that remotely resembles sensation so she can get off, and get off now. I want to scold her for it, point out her desire and embarrass her with it, but I’m not sure how she’ll respond to that. Considering how she thinks of herself as such a super-sub, she really hasn’t laid out what it is that she likes and dislikes, so I’ve had to come across it during our scenes, which is a lot less fun for me. I wish she could be clearer about it. Wish she could just tell me outright. We’ve played enough, it should be easier now to be clear with me, but she’s still evasive, acts shy and giggly when we start talking about sex, as if she is so innocent and can’t possibly know what it is that she likes. It is such an act, and I hate it.

Maybe it’s rude of me to keep playing with her when it’s so clear that I’m not into her. I don’t mean it as a pity-fuck, I really don’t. I want it to work. She’s so fucking sexy. Her body … her body. And I haven’t been with a woman in a long time, a very long time really. I’ve been meeting with my mentor X for the past six years and before that, well, let’s just say I didn’t have any luck. It’s just that, now, after all the work with X over the years, I know what I’m looking for. Call it a character flaw, if you wish, but I generally think that I deserve to get what it is that I want, and I’m not really afraid to make some waves while I’m trying to get it.

Still, I mean Tally no disrespect. I do genuinely have fun playing with her—or, I usually have, up until tonight. For some reason, I just don’t have the patience tonight. I just don’t find her quirks as charming as I did before. Maybe some of the novelty of a willing, gorgeous woman has worn off, and I’m remembering all of those things that make my dick hard and my mouth water, all of those traits of obedience and discipline, assistance and service. I crave someone with devotion, with willingness, who will strive along side me as I figure out what’s next. And not just someone—a woman, an incredible woman, someone open and good and giving and game and I just don’t know where to find her.

media

Cover Reveal: Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6

I am SO THRILLED to share with you the cover for Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6!

You might have seen some of the images I teased on Twitter …

Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6 is the fourth book in the Best Lesbian Erotica series that I’ve edited, and the sixth anthology I’ve edited. Honestly, the practice is helping, and I think I’m getting better at these collections each time. I’m particularly proud of this one, I think each and every story is amazing — and I can’t wait for you to read them and let me know what you think!

Finally! Here is the cover!

About the book

Reaching far beyond the confines of traditional erotica, prepare to explore the intersections of ace and kink, of pan and submissive, of exquisite torment and explicit consent.

In the sixth stunning and representative volume, Sinclair Sexsmith once again offers a dazzling array of voices, perspectives, and persuasions navigating boundaries and identities in truly inventive narratives. These twenty-three steamy stories are meant not just to titillate, but to validate—spanning past the pulsing power of desire to make pleasure and trembling release both a healing and radical act.

Find and then lose yourself as you traverse the complexities of full-spectrum sexuality, one delectable story at a time.

You can preorder Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 6 right now

From your favorite local bookstore, or from Amazon (if you must!). I will have signed copies up in my little store as soon as I have my own copies.

Stay tuned for the Table of Contents reveal!

PS: Don’t forget, submissions for Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 7 are due October 31st. If you need an extension (a week or two), email me, and I’ll hook it up for you.

essays

The Relationship Smorgasbord

I mentioned the “relationship smorgasbord” to some friends recently, and they hadn’t heard of it. I thought it was more common than that! So I’m sharing it with you all here to encourage us to use this model more.

Here, let me show you what it is, then give a little more context and thoughts:

Cool, right? For folks who are designing our own relationships outside of societal expectations, I bet you’ll look at this and get it right away.

I like this quote from The Center For Growth (that I found via the Multiamory podcast):

“The relationship smorgasbord is meant for all types of relationships – platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, etc. – and is indeed meant to challenge and make clear exactly what we mean when we are using these descriptors.”

The relationship smorgasbord is technically titled the relationship anarchy smorgasbord. If you haven’t poked around in the relationship anarchy structures, it’s worth doing — again, even if you are monogamous and don’t have multiple partners! You still have multiple relationships with family, friends, work, community, and more. Amelia Lichtenberg has a good, basic write-up on relationship anarchy, and there are many, many more writings and thinkings online.

Don’t be scared by the word “anarchy” though — it’s a very thoughtful structure that, at it’s core, is about honoring each relationship in one’s life.

If you want to dive in a little deeper to the relationship smorgasbord, check out a recent episode of the Multiamory podcast. I really like their discussions and the depth they get into with these relationship theories.

Do you have any other recommendations for me about relationship anarchy or the relationship smorgasbord model?

While I’m not brand new to these theories, I am still learning, and I’d be happy to hear any recommendations you have for books, podcasts, articles, or other things that dive in to these topics.

journal entries

Monogamous People Should Read This, Too: Polysecure by Jessica Fern (Review)

If you are anywhere near polyamorous community, relationship psychology, or even just new and interesting books, you have probably heard about the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern.

It was published about a year ago, in October 2020. I zipped through it over the winter and honestly, I was probably too depressed for any of it to really sink in. I read it and thought, meh. Whatever. Between the election, the ongoing pandemic, and the winter darkness and SAD in Alaska, my own depression was pretty debilitating. I suppose it wasn’t very realistic to read relationship theory and think that I would learn something, but wow — I really didn’t.

When I re-read it in July this year, it was like I had never read it before. And, to be honest, it blew open my mind. It was exactly what I needed to read at the time, and it really helped me wrap my mind around some of the issues I’d had in polyamory in the past, and what I wanted for myself in the future.

Here’s the description of the book

Just in case you haven’t read much about it.

Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you’re striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecure is both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide.

The book is broken into three parts: part one is the basics of attachment theory, why it’s important, and how the different kinds of attachment manifest in relationships. Part two is the basics of polyamory, with charts and graphs, definitions, and concepts. Part three is the combination of the two, and Jessica Fern’s theory she calls HEARTS, which answers the central question: how can I be more secure in my polyamorous relationships?

I could detail the HEARTS theory, and go over some of the charts — but honestly, you should just read the book and draw your own conclusions.

One of my biggest a-ha moments when reading the book was the section in part two about identifying the “why” for yourself in polyamory — looking at the motivations and reasons behind why you are (or want to be) nonmonogamous. She also calls them the needs that are being fulfilled by polyamory. She listed three common reasons from a study that came out, and then added three more reasons of her own from her experiences working with polyamorous clients in therapy and from her own life. These might not be your particular reasons, but I thought they covered pretty good ground.

The reasons were:

  • Greater need fulfillment
  • Greater self expression
  • Personal growth
  • Sexual diversity
  • Philosophical views
  • Authentic expression

… And these really hit home for me. I ended up ranking them in order for myself, writing about what I thought they meant and how they particularly applied to my life. I wrote about what I needed and what ways dating, having sex with other people, and having other relationships were fulfilling to those needs.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but this last year and a half has been huge for my own self-reflection, and I had to face up to where some of my needs weren’t getting met, not just in my relationship but in my life in general. I’ve been trying to figure those out.

The HEARTS Theory

Go listen to an interview with Jessica Fern if you want to know about the HEARTS theory and don’t want to read the book — I found it profoundly useful. It’s an acronym that stands for things needed to have secure attachment in a relationship. They are:

H: Here (being here and present)
E: Expressed Delight
A: Attunement
R: Rituals & Routines
T: Turning Towards after Conflict
S: Secure Attachment With Self

More importantly than the ideas and definitions of HEARTS, perhaps, are the questions she offers for reflection and the exercises she suggests when you notice that you and your partner are lacking in one of these areas. I want to go through each one and go through the questions and exercises with rife. We’ve started doing some of that, though we’re going slowly and it will take some time.

I’m really excited to have this as a tool to use and dive into to support my relationships.

So who should read this book?

Pretty much everyone.

If you are someone who puts thought and effort into your relationships, this will be useful. If you are curious about attachment, this book has some of the best descriptions of attachment that I’ve read. If you are monogamous or monogamish, I still highly recommend reading it, as it helps to break open some of the conventions about attachment and monogamy, too.

Also, if you have read other books or listened to podcasts about attachment in the past and still feel like you don’t really get it — which is how I was feeling, going in to reading this book — I think the author does a fantastic job of breaking down attachment styles. You could even skip the section on polyamory, if that doesn’t so much apply to you, and just read the attachment part and the part three about applying secure attachment. Applying it to one partner instead of multiple partners will still be very useful.

If you aren’t much of a book reader, the audio book of Polysecure is fantastic, and read by the author. Also, Jessica Fern has made many appearances on podcasts, including places like Multiamory, and explains her theories really well in some of these interviews. Highly recommend if you’re curious about the concepts but don’t want or don’t have time to read a book.

What do you think, y’all? Have you read this book?

Or are you going to? Looking forward to hearing more about what you think of it in the comments.

Buy it on Bookshop and independent bookstores will get a kickback from your purchase, or buy it on Amazon. These are affiliate links and I will also get a small percentage of the sale if you use my links. Thanks for supporting me!

cock confidence

Try This Sex Toy Combo: Clit Pump + Transthetics Joystick

Once upon a time (you might remember this), I wrote up the Crash Pad Series episode #319 with ACAB and Unkle Daddy, who used a clit pump and a sleeve over it during their play. Go check out the scene on Crash Pad if you haven’t seen it yet — or bookmark it for later — it’s pretty fantastic.

I’ve had a clit pump for years, but ever since that scene I’ve been searching for the right sleeve that would work to go over it. I bought a few things, mostly Doc Johnson products, because those are readily available and affordable, though they tend to be pretty awful quality silicone (are they even silicone? Maybe more like sil-i-gel, or one of those other plastic variants).

First: Joystick, the Sleeve

But finally, I came across the Joystick, which is made by Transthetics, a company primarily making prosthetics geared toward trans men. (They have some other interesting products too, though because they’re a small company I have been purchasing their toys myself and I just can’t afford to try them all. I have the Hot Rod in addition to the Joystick, as I’ve been working on a post about strokers and extenders.)

The Joystick also has some other very cool features that I won’t really go into here, but you can read about on their website, including a reservoir in the tip that can be used to hold fluid and ejaculate, and a vibrator that you can control with a ring. They call it “strapless,” and say that it can be worn without a harness, and suggest to buy it with their brand of undies that are suggested to hold the Joystick in place. I didn’t buy those — if you did, how are they? Worth it? — and if you don’t want to either, you might want some men’s underwear with a “separate pouch” or o-rings built in. They’re often called “enhancement underwear” or some such. (I’ve been looking around for a guide to them — I might have to make one myself.) These are the ones I like, but there are many. They also hold a packer in place really well.

Clit Pumps

I have three different clit pumps: the Deluxe Pump from LA Gear, the Trans Masc Pump from New York Toy Collective, and the deluxe Trans Masc Pump also from NYTC.

The LA Gear pump is much higher quality and has lasted me more than 15 years now, but it is much more expensive ($100+ for all the accessories and the pump). I’ve written about clit pumping a few times in the past, but I haven’t detailed the LA Gear pump specifically — though of all the pumps I’ve written about and tried, it’s the only one that I still have and still use.

The NYTC pump is new to the market and I’m thrilled that they’re offering a pump at a much more affordable price ($40!). The deluxe NYTC pump has a release valve, which I highly recommend if you’re game to spend a few more dollars, and it comes with three different sizes of cylinders, which may not be useful right at the beginning (you might want to stick with the 1″ for a while) but you might indeed want to someday graduate to 2″ or beyond.

Unfortunately, the NYTC pump won’t work with the Joystick sleeve, because you can’t disconnect the pump cylinder from the hose without losing the seal. But, it’s still an excellent option if you’re reading this and want to try pumping, but don’t want to invest in the LA Gear pump yet. And there are other great things you do with it — like pump, and then wear a sleeve like the Hot Rod or the Phallos Stroker (which is currently sold out, but I will be writing about this more soon!).

(Side note: Did you know you could buy dildos on Etsy?! There are quite a few indie silicone makers over there doing interesting designs!)

So how do I do this?

It’s a pretty simple premise: use the pump, disconnect the hose from the cylinder, and then put the Joystick sleeve OVER the pump itself.

You might have to fold the Joystick back a bit in order to get the cylinder deep enough into it. The hole in the Joystick is tight enough that you can’t just push the cylinder into it — or, at least, I can’t. If you have any suggestions for how to best insert cylinder, please let me know! Email me or leave them in the comments.

It is generally safe to leave the cylinder on for half an hour or more, but it might take some trial and error to practice with how intense (how much PSI, I suppose) you want to pump before adding the sleeve, since it’s much harder to adjust the intensity after the sleeve is on and the pump hose is disconnected. Try it less intense at first, and work up to more intense.

It might take some practice and careful play to figure out how much sensation is too much and what feels good — but hey, that’s where the fun stuff is, right?

I’m sure you can figure out that part.

Have fun! If you try it and have any tips, I’d love to hear them in the comments.

journal entries

Elust #142 features Non-binary Honorific Terms for A Dominant

Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #143? Start with the rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

Poetry

The Man with the Golden Tongue

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Is it Normal for Couples to Enjoy Cuckolding

Exercise and Sexual Health

Erotic Non-Fiction

Bukkake Party Babes

King Cocktopus. Duo with a Sexy Couple and Alissa Thorne

Uberkinky Violator. DP Fun with Toys

Sex Sling

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Let’s talk Prostate: A guide for those new to Prostate Play

Non-binary Honorific Terms for A Dominant

The Mystery That is Madam Maeve

Erotic Fiction

When Friends Share

Rich Old Bitch

Wicked Wednesday: Droit de Seigneur 11

Couple of Boys

OTK

Blogging

Alliance of Independent Sex Toy Testers

calls for submission

Queer, Trans, & Nonbinary Erotic Calls for Submission Due Soon

Just in case you haven’t seen it — and I bet you have — the call for submissions to Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year volume 7, due out in December 2022, is due at the end of October. Don’t let the word “lesbian” fool you — this is focused on women in the broadest sense of the world, obviously including trans women but also including nonbinary folks of all kinds who are rooted in lesbian experiences. Just, no men.

But in case you do write about men, there are two other calls for submission you might want to check out that are due very soon.

New Volumes of Nerve Endings edited by Tobi Hill-Meyer

Can’t wait for this second volume — the first one was fantastic. Details:

    Originally due July 5th, due to all the stresses people have been under this year, I’m extending the deadline for both Anthologies by three months (Smut: Oct 4th 2020, Romance: Oct 4th 2021). If you would like to submit something but have concerns over the deadline or anything else, please reach out to [email protected]

Smut Deadline: Oct 4th, 2020 [NEW DEADLINE] Romance Deadline: Oct 4th, 2021 [NEW DEADLINE] Payment: $100 and a copy of the book
3,000-7,000 words for Smut or 4,000-9,000 for Romance, although shorter or longer stories will also be considered

See all the information over on Tobi’s website.

Heckin’ Lewd: Trans and Nonbinary Erotica Anthology edited by Mx. Nillin Lore

Mx. Nillin is a prolific writer, and has pieces in multiple Best Lesbian Erotica anthologies — by which I mean, they write a lot, and I really like their work. I’m looking forward to seeing what they put together in this anthology.

2,500 to 4,000 words
Due November 1, 2021
Pays $50 and one copy of the book

Here are all the details on Nillin’s site.

Other Places to Find Calls For Submission

Check out these other resources, if you haven’t already, for other places to submit your erotic works.

You can also follow the hashtag #CallForSubmissions or #CallsForSubmission (people use both) on various social media platforms, and some random calls will come across your feed.

Do you have any recommendations of places to look for calls for submission? I’d love to hear them.

kink, nonbinary diaries

Nonbinary Honorific Terms for a Dominant

In the nonbinary D/s groups I was holding last year, this question came up so frequently: What titles and honorifics do we want to use for a nonbinary dominant?

The usual are all so gendered: Sir, Ma’am, Mistress, and (that term with much controversy, that I’m not personally using any longer) Master. There have been plenty of arguments that even the gendered dominant terms are still, in fact, gender neutral, and can and should be divorced from gender and taken up by anyone who resonates with them. I generally agree with that — I think if we find a word that resonates and feels like it conveys the kind of dominance that we like, that is probably a good one to use.

The most common “gender neutral” or nonbinary honorifics I hear suggested are Mx, Mixter, and Mixtress, but they still are a little bit gendered in their form, and the x is often pretty awkward for people to pronounce. Perhaps we’ll get more used to it in years to come, and we’ll see a rise of its use. We’ll see.

But there are many others! Such as:

  • Captain
  • Your Highness
  • My Liege
  • Your Magesty
  • Your Worship
  • Magister / Magistrate
  • Doctor
  • Professor
  • Boss

A quick Google search brings up a few more resources, and here are a few good quotes from them:

“You could go the medieval route, ala “Your Grace” or “Your Majesty”. You could do a military route, like “Commander” or “Captain”. You could go a 90s anime gangster route, like “Boss”. Or you could be more sappy and be addressed as “Beloved” or “My love”.” — From the Genderqueer Reddit

From Queer Kink Tumblr:

    Captain: from Latin caput meaning “head”.
    Professor: from Latin professor meaning “one who professes to be an expert in some art or science, teacher of the highest rank”. Generally better for teacher/student play.
    Your Highness: figure it out yourself
    My Liege: liege is a form of address used by surfs to denote the land owner.
    Doctor: from Latin Doctor meaning “teacher”
    -san: General Japanese honorific. Gender neutral. Somewhat like Mr. or Ms.
    -sama: Japanese honorific, very honorable, archaic, equivalent of Mistress or Master.
    Your Majesty: figure it out yourself
    Your Worship: figure it out yourself
    Magister: Latin, one who has authority or control
    Colonel: from Latin columna meaning “pillar”

This image has also been making the rounds on social media (original source unknown). I do want to remind folks that “Yas Queen” is AAVE, as it is cultural appropriation for white folks to be using those phrases. One of the many reasons it’s important to know where your phrases come from, what the linguistic cultural history of them is, so you can be certain to stay respectful.

Still, it can help us get thinking about things to call dominants or tops who are in between genders, or for whom the gender doesn’t quite fit right.

What do you think? Which words do you like to call your dominant, or do you like to be called? What have you heard others use?

essays

Lex Isn’t Just For Dating, It’s Also For Tenderqueers (and Me, and Maybe You)

Yes, yes, I know, I’m very behind with Lex — but just in case you, too, have been in a place where you haven’t been dating, or if you haven’t known which apps to try, this is a recommendation to check out Lex — even if you aren’t looking to date anyone.

The interesting thing about having met my current partner in 2011 is that I have almost completely missed the rise in dating apps. Yes, OK Cupid was around then, but it wasn’t an app, it was a website. And yes, rife and I have been actively nonmonogamous on and off in our partnership, but the folks that I was dating or hooking up with I kind of just stumbled across, I wasn’t actively looking for dates.

But now — wow. Tinder, Her, Bumble, Lex, Grindr.

Because rife and I recently moved (and because of some other changes), we’ve been on some apps lately, looking for friends, community, connection (etc). Personally, of all of them, I am finding Lex to be such fun to read and through with to connect with people.

I really wish I’d known about it sooner — and I wish someone had told me that it isn’t just for hookups and dates, it’s also friends and community events.

The idea is that it mimics old school 80s and 90s personal ads in the back of queer newspapers. Do y’all remember those? Did you ever see them? I first knew about them in 1999/2000 in Seattle, through the Stranger newspaper (now online, famously run by Dan Savage, and often highly critiqued). I put up a couple of those ads, myself … I have no idea what they said now, but they were extremely short, and you had to get a code to call in to a voice mailbox and listen if you had any messages. I don’t think if I ever did, nor did I reply to anyone else’s. Though I read them, diligently, often.

In addition to hookup ads, there were housing ads, general queer community questions, and even posts that read more like journal entries. This, as you might imagine, also has quite a bit of backlash and critique, of folks saying that they should take it to Livejournal. I have mixed feelings about it — but generally, it feels like a new form of social media to me even, and I am still observing the culture and ways to engage.

Lex is specifically geared toward nonbinary folks, trans and cis women, and other identities that are not cis men. I learned this through posts on Lex about it — people who were discussing generally the policy in their posts. I have seen some gender theory, some posts to dog sit or house sit, ads for housing, looking for hangouts and watching shows and playing D&D together. Plus — tops, take note — lots of bottoms looking for tops, which has brought me into the ponderings of “what is a top, anyway?” and “are there really more bottoms than there are tops, is the so-called ‘top shortage’ real? Or is something else going on?”.

Look, it’s not perfect. There are plenty of mis-steps and people posting dumb things. But there’s also a lot of really interesting stuff, to me, if you sort through the noise. I realize that I, in some ways, am Lex’s ideal user — I love communicating by text asynchronously, and I really enjoy learning about someone by asking questions back and forth interspersed with some in-person time. I have been enjoying the connections that I’ve made from there, and wishing I’d known that it wasn’t only for dating, it was also for community and connection and friends.

What’s your experience with Lex? Have you had fun with it? Do you hate it?

guest posts

Cinnamon Breakfast, Guest Post by Callie Gibson

Content warning: Daddy/girl language, Dominance/submission, teasing, verbal humiliation, possession, genital stimulation with a child’s toy

Soft pink and indigo strips tangle in the sunrise. Slowly moving from the liminal space between rest and alertness, my limbs are still heavy from dreaming.

My Icon of Mother Mary, bought in Mexico sometime in the late 90’s, needs dusting. Any sort of movement now would dissolve my mind’s haze, seal up the flowing cream from my night’s cunt. Desperate for a pot of tea but can’t move.

I hear the door unlock. My heart skips a beat. Jay places her keys on the mantelpiece, takes off her shoes and pads towards the bedroom. At five-foot seven, she easily commands a room. Some people just have those qualities of warmth and strength which intoxicate, make you smile to be in their company.

Returning from a night shift, I imagine her in the control room taking charge, directing truck drivers, co-ordinating complex logistics all the meanwhile dealing with meth users who take it to save lives on the endless road. It’s a hard job. She was fucking good at it. Surprisingly, also easily able to sleep like a baby during the waking hours. This makes me love her more. At times I would want to wake her for play or fucking or to feel her hands stroking my hair. She assured me she would never leave. I trust her.

“Good morning.” Always exercising that playful restraint. How can she tease me like this?

“Morning, sweetheart.” Movement came rapidly. My back arched up to meet her lips. The taste of tangelos was sweet as ever. That’s all she ate while working nights. Smug to say but Jay is the perfect, majestic, butch woman. Mid-50’s, muscular but chunky with a baritone that makes your legs collapse. The first time we met was at the bus stop. The first thing I said to her was “What’s your name?” She told me. “Is it short for something?” I replied.

“I would tell you except you wouldn’t be able to pronounce it.”

Being of Māori descent, Jay held true that names of ancestors need to be properly enunciated lest they cause upset. Being Greek, growing up in New Zealand, I had some understanding of this weariness caused by constantly
dealing with difference. Still unsure why, to this day, Te Reo is not taught in schools. It’s a cost issue they say. Where’s the profit?

“Try me.”

Jay told me.

I said it. Perfectly. Fortunately, it’s strong on consonants which Greek is.

“I’m impressed.”

“It just sounds better when you say it how you should.”

“What bus are you taking?” Jay smiled.

“I’m not. Just saw you and wanted to say hello. Here. Take this.”

Scribbling my name and number on my shopping list, I passed it to her. Phones seemed somewhat clumsy at that moment.

“Thank-you. I’ll call you next Wednesday once my car’s out the shop.” My tummy weakened. I leaned against the shelter and breathed deeply. She came closer. “It’s okay, girl. I’m not going anywhere.”

The first night fucking I could have eaten her. I wanted all her muscles in my tummy. Nothing’s changed.

“How was work?” I ask lazily.

“All good. How was the gym?”

“Awesome. I was able to lift twenty kilograms on the squats and fourteen on the the bench.”

“That makes me happy, girl.”

My heart’s beating a little faster. Jay likes to take things slowly. Only because she knows how maddening it is for me.

“Dave was being a dick with the fans as usual,” I said. “He’s a boxer. You’d think he’d want to work up a sweat but he has them all fucking blasting after ten minutes.”

“Maybe he thinks you need to work harder,” Jay smiles.

“Maybe next time I’ll sit on his face and crush him with my velvet arse. He’ll know all about ventilation then.”

Jay’s eyes narrow and darken. She leans over me like a tomcat in heat.

“Daddy,” I plead.

“What is it baby?”

“My tits need massaging.”

“Of course Beautiful, of course,” Jay replies, as she breathes with a deep, low growl, rubbing and stroking my chest.

I’ve been a B-cup since Grade 3. Two of my lithe, slenderman classmates would hold me against the wall of the toilet cubicle each one taking turns punching my breasts. The pain was unbearable. It wasn’t jealousy as much as revulsion. This was the steely 80s. They wanted to remove contours that weren’t neat and linear. When, after a couple of years, they wore their training bras, they cried. Sheen muscle would transform into doughy thighs. Pert buds into painful, expanding glands of colostrum.

I lick Jay’s cheek, nibble her jawline.

“Do you think my pretty, pink cunt needs worshipping?”

My default setting is to be a petulant brat. I never do that with strong women who present as Jay does. Wouldn’t dare. Jay asked me to so that’s why I do with her. My tits, waist and arse fit the type I suppose. Warms my cunt to see her aroused. She’s always in control though. We both know that.

A year ago, we were at a friend’s place. Jay was playing poker with a very pretty baby bull-dyke. We both agreed to no jealousy unless it’s transitory insecurity. My rage burned so I climbed onto Jay and pissed in her lap. I could have smothered her with full weight. She ordered the baby to hold me face down and sit on my back. With her weight on my shoulder-blades, my face was against her Doc Martens. She was gently grinding her denimed butt against the base of my neck. Preferred it to be harder but she understood the hierarchy.

Jay lifted my skirt and placed a piece of ginger in my arse. Squeezing my cheeks, she allowed the warm sensation to flow through me. The spanking started. Her hand struck just under my butt allowing the flesh to vibrate on her hand, the sensation flooding my cunt while the baby sat on a stool with her legs apart, my head between her boots.

In the car on the way home, Jay intermittently held the piss-soaked trousers to her face inhaling my scent. I knew this would be the beginning of her cruel tease and denial forbidding me to cum or touch her for a week. I sobbed all the way home.

Jay’s mouth is so gorgeously articulate in sucking my clit. The precision of her tongue exquisite in understanding my pulsating crevices. My body rushes forward.

“Do you think Barbie wants to play?” Jay asks.

My colleague gave me Yoga Barbie for my birthday. A testament to how much I like the practice and a fun comment on the juxtaposition.

Jay hands me the silly Mattel toy. I smile, play with a strand of her hair, kiss her and hand her back to Jay. A drawer opens and cling-film is taken out. Jay wraps the doll tightly with it leaving her legs exposed. A bottle of lube opens. Jay rubs it over the plastic covering. I giggle.

The toy is caressing my mons. Gently with deft fingers, Jay moves through the silky strands of fluid. My cunt is soaked.

“Can I slide it in Girl?” Jay asks, as if offering me a buttery biscuit.

I’m incoherent and my eyes can’t focus. The toy slowly slides into my cunt. Feeling her tiny tits against my g-spot, her arse pounding at the opening of my rectum, I start convulsing. Jay’s still sucking my clit with alternate, gentle kisses. With her other hand she gently moves Barbie’s legs feigning her futile escape. Imagining this insipid doll fainting with my continued contractions, I start to scream.

“Don’t Girl. Hold it,” Jay commands.

“Please Daddy please, I need to, please.”

“Do you want me to put you on a lead? Must I put you on a fucking lead?”

Her voice is too much. I cry. I get slapped.

“Not now,” Jay growls. “I’ll fix you some pudding.”

I made a rice pudding earlier. It was moulded in a ceramic bowl in the fridge. A recipe from my Grandmother, I used to eat this as a ritual after school. My friend, with deep, golden braids, would enjoy this mini-feast with me of cinnamon and sugared milk. We would compare our braids. Mine was the thicker with auburn streaks. I longed to kiss the dimple on her right cheek. One day I did. She responded by saying she wanted to marry me in the courtyard of her neighbour’s garden where they kept chickens. She relocated to Nelson shortly after that. Courtney Love was apparently living there at that time. I wonder if they ever compared braids.

Jay passes me the dessert. The spicy warmth contrasts with the coldness of the spoon. Sliding Barbie from my cunt, Jay examines her.

“Ah, poor baby,” Jay says. “Want to come close, hmm, really close?” She places her mouth over the plastic dome and draws the wet cylinder in. Barbies legs scissor slowly beneath with the suctioning motion.

She slices Barbie’s wrapping off with my nail scissors. It doesn’t take much effort to slip off. Jay washes her gently in the basin which I could view from the bedroom. The yoga pants are soaked from my cum. Jay pats them dry. She perches the doll next to my fern. All bright-eyed and glowing, it makes a sweet picture. There should be a post-orgasm Barbie with a look of complete and utter exhaustion, eyes heavy and mouth slightly open. Would be such a delight to see how hard she worked.

“Go to the loo now if you need to,” Jay directed. I did as she asked.

Returning, I see her in a strap. She holds my gaze in the doorway. I collapse. I can’t see. Jay walks over to me kicking my hamstring.

“Get up. Move.”

I inch forward.

“C’mon, I don’t have all day, Girl. Crawl if you have too.”

I’m on all fours. She straddles me. Feeling the strap on me, I quiver. Eventually, I get to the bed.

“Put your arse up. Take a deep breath in. Good Girl. Now, I’m going to slide this in your cunt. It will go deep. I’ll reward you for making Daddy happy. With each inch of my cock I will feed you one strawberry. I want you to eat all 4. Once that’s done, you pat your cunt like a little kitten and come like a fucking train. Is that understood?”

“Answer me.”

“Yes Daddy.”

She keeps her promise. The explosion begins.

“I hate you talking to other girls, I want to piss on their faces, your cock is mine, nobody else’s, mine, this is all I want, this is everything, I’m gonna tear your flesh and eat it up, I need you in me always.”

I turn my head. She smirks and strokes my hair, her strong body towering against the sunlight.

Planets collide in my mind and I tumble. I don’t want her cock gone. Slowly, it leaves my cunt. God, if only I could give her the moon. My orgasm lasts a few minutes as it usually does. Writhing, holding the pillow, Jay encases me in her arms. Delirious, flooded with oxycontin, I roll onto her pressing my mouth on her mons. I suck and suck and suck. My tongue licks the right side of her clit which shoots the sensation to her brain making her anus pulsate. I love that word. So noble for an orifice so sweetly perverse.

I slide my fingers in. She opens up for me. Slowly, my fist moves in and out. My mouth works furiously tasting salt and tangelos. I take my left hand and rub the north of her clit. It’s nerve-endings release the magic.

Plucking a red grape from the fruit-bowl, I slip it into her. Drawing it back with my mouth from her cunt, it becomes a game of cat and mouse. Just as it wishes to escape, I quickly draw it back in. Eventually, I crush it. I l watch her shake as she orgasms. I still keep sucking.

“Jeez Girl, how do you do this to me?” We lie close for a while.

I leave and return with a warm, olive-coloured flannel. Jay’s resting. I open her legs and wipe her cunt, up, down, around. I long to taste the tangelo syrup once more but she needs to sleep. I take a pro-biotic capsule from my bedside drawer and insert it inside her. It deftly swims upstream. All I want is to look after her, make her happy.

Closing my eyes, I give thanks. For the calmness. For such a stroke of the warm divine. The sunbeams strike and I draw the curtains closer. Did the neighbour have to cut the branches off? I sit, appreciating the sanctuary that is our room. I pick up the Mother Mary Icon and wipe it down with the flannel. That’s better. A reminder to set up some semblance of order to the day. I make my way to the kitchen and start breakfast.

journal entries

Writing Spicy: Online Erotica Writing Workshop Series

Quarantine and sheltering in place has been intense. I don’t know about you, but for me, I have struggled with both my writing practice and with my erotic life through the pandemic. At times, I haven’t had any energy for either. But as I have started actively feeding them both again, and tending to them anew, I am finding my interest in them stronger and more dedicated than ever.

Come join me and dive into writing erotica. Bring your desires, your kinks, your pleasures to the page and play around.

About Writing Spicy:

(Yes, it used to be called Pen Play — but I’m renaming it!)

This is a four week class on constructing erotic stories. Part classroom, part writing group, we will explore the craft of short erotic stories, focusing on the craft of storytelling and how erotica is different than stories without erotic content. You will have something short to read and a writing assignment each week to turn in. Participants will have the opportunity to share their work with each other and give constructive feedback on it. We will meet weekly on Zoom to discuss the readings, workshop selected participant pieces, and answer your questions.

In the class, we will cover some of the fundamentals of a writing life, such as: giving and receiving feedback, techniques to strengthen your writing practice, how to get published, tools for editing your own work, and more. At the end of the class, you will have rough drafts from writing prompts and homework ready to polish and submit.

This class is made for folks who are beginners to intermediate writers and who want to hone their craft and publish more work. You do not have to have published anything. All genders, all sexual orientations, all experience levels welcome — no specifics required. Queer characters and kinky acts not required, but this will be a queer-focused and kink-positive space. It will also be kink-positive and trauma informed (to the best of my ability).

Webinars will be recorded and available to download; you do not have to attend live.

Sliding scale available, email [email protected]

Dates:

Sundays, September 19, September 26, October 3, October 10
4-6pm PT / 7-9pm ET

How to sign up:

1. Venmo $200 to $Zed-Sinclair with your email in the text (the email part is important!). (If it asks to put in the last four digits of my phone number, just click at the bottom where it says “skip this step”.)

2. If you can’t pay via Venmo, email me [email protected] and I’ll send you a different way to pay.

3. Once payment is received, I will send you an email with next steps, which include signing up for the Google Classroom and filling out an intake form.

Last day to register is September 17.

I believe stories matter. Telling our stories matter. Sharing how we as queer, kinky, gender radical people live, love, lust, and desire, helps to support others like us, to feel less alone. We still don’t have enough depictions of our truths out there in the world! And I believe we all have stories to tell. Writing isn’t the only way to share them, but it is the craft I know best, and I am excited to share what I know with you all.

Questions?

Do I have to write erotica?
Nope. You can be working on any kind of writing — poetry, plays, short stories, a novel. It could include erotic content, but it doesn’t have to. We will be talking about the things that are different about writing things with explicit sex in them, but what you turn in as your writing assignments is up to you.

Will the webinars be recorded?
Yes! Webinars will be recorded and available to you to download after they are live.

Will you have an ASL interpreter for the webinars?
Yes; please get in touch at [email protected] I will do my best to accommodate different access needs.

Do I have to publish my work?
No. There’s no requirement to publish, but this class is intended for folks who are pursuing writing with some seriousness and are interested in sharing their work more broadly. We will spend some time going over tips and procedures for publishing.

What kind of feedback will I get?
We focus on giving feedback in the Amherst Writer’s Method, which enhances what is working in the piece and gives the author feedback to encourage them to play to their strengths. The feedback will focus on what’s working, what we love about it, and what stays with us.

Do I have to share my work with the class?
No, it’s optional to share your work. Participants will be encouraged to share their reactions to each other’s work in a particular framework, using primarily positive feedback, and all participants will be able to ask for the kind of feedback that they would like to receive, which could be things like some critique, positive feedback, or just to witness with no feedback at all.

Will there be content warnings? Is this trauma-informed?
Yes, we will use content warnings in this workshop, to let everyone decide what they are equipped to read and make decisions with agency. More details about how to use content warnings will be in the class guidelines. I have studied trauma, restorative justice, and community safety in various form, and I will do my best to keep the needs of survivors forefront in the structure of the workshop.

I can’t afford $200. Is there a sliding scale?
Yep, contact me to work out the details and we’ll make it happen. [email protected]

More questions?
Email me, [email protected]

erotica writing

Five Steps To Getting Your Erotica Published

Getting your erotica published isn’t as hard as you might think it is. Here’s a few places to submit your work and some suggestions for how to do it.

1. Write some erotica!

This is actually one of the hardest steps. If you’re already writing all kinds of dialogue through text message (or in your head, before it comes out of your mouth), you’re a step ahead right there. If your sexting becomes elaborate settings and plots and characters and costumes, you are well on the way. If you lie awake at night thinking about the next scenes in your story, and what kind of sex toys the characters will use, and how they’ll transition from one to another … no? Just me? Okay.

Seriously though, the writing of it is a really hard part of it! Most people never do this part. If you have, congrats. Share

2. Proofread & Edit

You absolutely have to proofread and edit your work before you submit it.

3. Research where to submit it

At any given time, there are usually at least a few erotica anthologies out there with a CFS — call for submissions — open and actively looking. My personal favorite places to keep an eye on are the Erotica Readers & Writers Association and Lambda Literary Foundation, but that’s because I write queer erotica, and mostly short stories. If you want to get a full length novel published, you’ll want to look at publishers accepting submissions. One way to figure that out is to research which publishers have put out some of the favorite erotica that you’ve read. Perhaps you’ll find that two or three or seventeen titles that you adore were all put out by the same press — check out their website for their submission guidelines and keep an eye on when they accept new submissions.

The same thing goes for erotica anthology editors that you like to read — if Rachel Kramer Bussel’s books inspire you, keep an eye out for her calls for submission. (You can get on her mailing list and she’ll send updates. And the ERWA has a mailing list, too.)

PS, I am looking for lesbian (in the broadest possible sense of the word) erotica, and Mx Nillin Lore is looking for trans & nonbinary erotica right now, due in late October and early November respectively.

4. Read the CFS very carefully and follow instructions

Calls for submission are usually very carefully crafted by the press, publisher, or editor. Read it carefully — print it out, highlight the important stuff, and take notes. Make sure your project fits the guidelines. If it doesn’t, or you aren’t sure — just ask! Send a query to the editor or publisher with a short (SHORT) summary of what you’re working on, and see if it’s something they’d like to see. They might just send back something like, “I dunno, send it and we’ll see,” which is fine. Just send it, and see.

After you’re pretty sure you have all the guidelines covered, make sure you follow the instructions carefully when you send it in. Guidelines are there for a reason! And you will stand out as unprofessional and unexperienced if you don’t follow them. Look, mistakes happen — you don’t have to beat yourself up about it if you don’t follow exactly. But, do your best.

5. Send it off! And collect those rejections.

There it goes!

Say a prayer, light a candle, do a chicken dance — whatever makes you feel good. My writing group has a text thread and we text each other when we submit something, and when we get a rejection, and we all send funny gifs of support and celebration.

Early on in my writing career, I was given the advice to collect 100 rejections. Rejections mean you are trying, you are putting yourself out there, and it is brave and bold to do so. It is not your job to force the acceptance, but rather to keep offering your work to the world.

Of course, if you’re really not finding much traction with publishing, you can consider self-publishing. Even medium.com is a fine place to start building an archive of work — and maybe even fans. Places like AO3 have launched writers. Self publishing is an option; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

So, are you going to submit something?

Hope you do. We desperately need more depictions of queer desire, queer sex, queer kink, and queer lives in the world. There are still not enough examples of our sacred lives. And if you’re called to contribute to that deep sharing of body and desire truths, please do.

I can’t wait to read it.

kink

Five Great Kink Podcasts You Should Be Listening To Already

Podcasts aren’t everyone’s thing — sometimes people just don’t process information though audio, and sometimes we just don’t have the kind of lifestyle where we are doing things with our bodies but our minds can engage with something else.

But if it is your thing, there are some fantastic kink, leather, and BDSM podcasts out there. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

Feminist Erotica Podcast

Jera Brown, Karen Hawkins and Princess McDowell triple host this fantastic collection of erotica readings and talking to authors about writing and sharing erotic work. I’m biased here, as erotica is just one of my favorite things ever to talk about and dig into, but the hosts do an incredible job of asking tough questions and getting very deep answers.

Start with: Interview with Rachel Kramer Bussel, who has had a huge effect on the current erotica landscape, particularly with anthologies.

The Dildorks

Kate Sloan & Bex Caputo host this epic ongoing conversation about all things sex, kink, sex toys, sex culture, D/s, nonmonogamy, and more. The two friends go over so many topics with wit, thoughtfulness, and thorough thought experiments, and they bring on guests often. (Fun fact, I’m in episode 93 and 215, talking about protocol and erotica writing, respectively.)

Start with: Episode 238, Out in the Open, about public sex.

Why Are People Into That?!

Tina Horn delivers incredible conversation and interviews with dozens of kinky folks, both professional and lifestyle, talking about fetishes and why people are into (sometimes very) specific things. Fun fact, I was actually her first guest, talking about strap-on sex!

Start with: Empress Wu on Cannibalism.

Mean Mommy Kink Podcast

This is brand new! Jaki Griot and Miss Lola Sunshine are promising real conversations from two Black Queer Femme Tops, and I am so excited about listening in. Episode one was a blast and I can’t wait for more.

Start with: episode 1! Because why not? And get ready to be excited about when new ones come out.

Bawdy Storytelling

Bawdy Storytelling is kind of a given for this list — if you don’t know about the phenomenon that is Dixie De La Tour and her incredible live shows, now recorded and put out as a podcast, I’m sure you will soon find references to it everywhere. Dixie is an incredible host and audience fluffer, and she coaches all of her storytellers to tell even better stories — off the cuff — of kinky, sexy delight.

Start with: Marcia B’s story about cock cages and quarantine, or honestly, just about anything, this show is fantastic.

Hope you find some great kink to listen to!

Got favorites I didn’t mention? I do too, to be honest. But please, leave them in the comments and I’ll make sure to check them out, if I haven’t already!

kink

D/s Protocol Ideas For You To Try

When I started in D/s relationships (12+ years ago, now!), I was so thrilled to have someone who would say that they would do what I told them to do, or who was interested in having more protocol, feeling like their behavior was being dictated and controlled, and having tasks to do for me. I felt like a kid in a candy store!

But the problem, immediately, was: what protocol do I do?

It has taken me a long time to figure out my own sense of protocol, what works for me, what doesn’t, what works for my particular submissive, what doesn’t, and what is just too much work. I wouldn’t say I’m lazy (not sure I believe laziness exists, really), but I definitely want a high return on my investment, and if it isn’t worth it, I lose interest quickly.

When I started thinking about protocol, I just wanted to peruse a big list of brainstormed protocol to get my mind going, but I didn’t find anything like that. It really helped to figure out the areas of control that held the most interest, which became the key to brainstorming protocol within the different areas — but I still could have used support to specifically come up with protocol.

rife made a “protocol mad libs” worksheet a few years ago, which can be helpful to think about the structure of protocol, and might help with brainstorming some specifics.

Protocol Mad Libs includes these fill-in-the-blank sentences:

  • Every time you _____, do ______.
  • Daily 5 minute meditation on ______.
  • Wear ______ every day.
  • Set an alarm to remind you of ______.
  • Each day, ______ before bed.
  • No ______ without permission.
  • When you wake up, ______.
  • Make sure to ______ whenever you ______.
  • ______ [Journal / make art / voice memo ] daily.
  • No ______ in the house.
  • Text [person] ______ daily.

Hope those are helpful structures to create some protocol for yourself or your partner!

But now, for the big announcement …

Recently, rife and I made two decks of protocol cards. The idea is to use them with the Protocol Game structure, but honestly, you can use them however you want.

I love how they turned out! (rife is an amazing designer.) There are two different decks, one purple and one orange. The purple deck is the basic, with 52 different protocols on different cards, and some blanks. The orange deck has blanks like the protocol mad libs, above, which have duplicates, and you can build your own set of cards by filling in exactly what you want.

This is the list of what’s in the basic purple pack:

  • masturbate daily
  • take a sexy selfie daily
  • record a sexy fantasy in a voice memo
  • set an alarm to go off twice daily with an affirmation
  • edge every day, but do not orgasm
  • give or receive a massage
  • take extra time to pamper your body daily
  • find an erotic story that turns you on
  • find porn that turns you on
  • wear sexy underwear daily
  • make your own kink toy from household items
  • write a kinky or sexy affirmation and put it up somewhere you will see daily
  • draw or journal about a scene you have had
  • draw or journal about a scene you want to have
  • try a new toy or position during sex or self-pleasure
  • find & complete a Yes No Maybe checklist
  • research local or online kink groups you could join
  • spend one hour researching or practicing a new kink skill
  • make a conversation date with a kinky friend
  • watch an online class about kink [QR leather couch
  • find a place in the kink community to volunteer
  • research the hanky code and note your top 3
  • visit the Leather Archives & Museum, POCKLE, Carter-Johnson Library, NCSF, or other kink community resource websites
  • go to KinkAcademy.com and watch 3 free videos
  • make an erotic bucket list
  • read a chapter of a kink book every day
  • make a wishlist of your ideal sex and kink toys
  • watch a kinky movie
  • journal about an important moment in your kink journey
  • update or create your Fetlife profile
  • explore your asshole in the shower
  • wear only sexy underwear or an apron while you do housework
  • wear something that reminds you of your kink every day
  • give someone a compliment daily
  • think about kinky things as you brush your teeth
  • listen to a kink podcast every day
  • make a playlist of your favorite sexy songs
  • clean and organize your sex or kink toys
  • flag with the hanky code every day
  • try bootblacking your boots, shoes, or leather
  • write something kinky on your body in a secret place
  • groom your pubic hair in a new way
  • repeat an affirmation each morning when you wake up
  • create a coming home from work ritual and do it every day
  • research submissive positions and note which you like

Want to buy copies of the Protocol Game Card Decks? Get ’em in the Sugarbutch shop


 

You can buy them individually (basic set | fill-in-the-blank set) or you can buy them both and save $5.