Holiday Ideas for Butches

I know it’s a bit late for this, but here’s five (fairly traditional) ideas for the masculine-leaning butches and bois and boys and transfolks in your life:

1. Belt Buckles

A good solid belt buckle is an essential butch accessory, in my opinion. I’ve always liked belts, but it took me way to long to graduate from regular buckled belts to belts with detachable and interchangeable buckles – they’re heavier, for one, and they look amazing, plus there are so many styles.

Etsy is amazing for buckles – do a search and include a keyword of one of your butch’s hobbies (like bikes or birds or beer) and it’ll turn up some amazing vintage or handmade results, many for less than $20.

(Belt buckle shown from Lucybluestudio’s Etsy store)

2. Cufflinks

I kind of hate to give it away, but Cuff Daddy is my current favorite place for cufflinks. They have everything! I haven’t even searched through all of their little figures and all the fun categories. They have cufflinks that are watches! Levels! Compasses! I’m currently coveting the Superman emblem cufflinks, myself.

Don’t forget Etsy for cufflinks, too. Ditto to the belt buckles, put in a couple key words – pinup, Obama – and you’ll get all sorts of great results.

If she’s already got some cufflinks, and probably doesn’t need more? Consider this cufflinks box in black leather.

(Betty Page cufflinks from Bellamodaartist’s Etsy store)

3. Ties

Uh, okay, Etsy for-the-win of #1 and #2, I should probably say something else for #3, right? Well, you already know that you can search Etsy for vintage and handmade ties – add a keyword and you’ll come up with awesome skull ties, striped ties, butterfly ties, whatever your butch happens to like.

If that’s not quite fancy enough for ya, perhaps consider a Tie of the Month Club. J Crew is doing one now (it’s a 888 number to sign up, I can’t seem to link to it on their website directly). They’ve got some great ties.

4. Pocket knife

Consider a Vintage pocket knife, and perhaps a pocket knife sharpener too.

Or if a knife isn’t really her thing, what about a pocket watch?

5. Shaving Kit

Even if it’s occasional, or for gender play, how hot would this fabulous shaving kit look on her dresser or in her bathroom?

Maybe you can recreate the famous k.d. lang and Cindy Crawford 1993 Vanity Fair photo shoot.

If that’s not enough good ideas for ya, take a flashback to the 2007 Butch/Femme Holiday Gift Guide that I wrote last year, maybe some of those will pique your interest.

Femmes … what would you absolutely love to receive from your friends & lovers this year? C’mon, help us out with some ideas.

A few friends and fans and readers have emailed me about sending me something, and in the spirit of the holidays, here’s a few things you can do for me, if you feel so inspired …


Shop with my affiliates. Practically everyone does at least one Amazon order during the holidays – if you shop through my links here on this site, I get a teeny tiny kickback. But hey, it adds up. Same with a lot of other great stores, like Babeland and Good Vibes … and hey, don’t you want some LGBT films for someone on your list? Shop through Wolfe Video. How about locking sex toy storage cases (in all kinds of sizes!) from For Your Nymphomation? Bondage gear from JT’s Stockroom? Just the extra click from my affiliate page makes a big difference in the support of this site!


Donate to my “Send Sinclair to Dark Odyssey” Fund. I run this site because I love to write and discuss sex and gender and relationship theories and experiences, not because I expect to get paid. But if you appreciate what I do here, please consider tossing a little bit of cash my way, and funding some adventures which will make for fantastic stories you can read about later. And wouldn’t it give you just a little bit of satisfaction to know that I’m fisting someone in a cabin in the woods at Dark Odyssey partially because *you* helped me get there?

Yeah, I thought so. Ya perv.


Buy a Sugarbutch Star Chapbook!

You remember 2007’s Sugarbutch Star contest contest right? The one where I wrote up a baker’s dozen stories, including the famous winning story The Diner on the Corner, based on scenarios that readers submitted. This chapbook compiles all 13 stories in one place, and is much easier to shove under your mattress than your laptop or printed out pages from this website. Plus, the pages are specially water- and stain-resistant, so you can come all over them and it won’t get damaged (uh, just kidding).

Tell me what you want

Couple different options for the chapbook – $10 will get you a book by itself, $20 and I’ll customize it for you. $50 is the Fancy Chapbook Package, which includes a nice gift of a book or a sex toy, and $100 is the I <3 Sinclair Package, where my package might just love you back. That’s the one where I show up with a boom box over my head and profess my love outside your window. No, not really. That would be creepy and stalkerish. BUT I will include a signed chapbook, a book or a sex toy, and something custom and fabulous yet to be determined.

Buy a New York City Sexbloggers Calendar

Support the community. Plus, oogle over my design handiwork and over the 12 pinups, including yours truly, Mr. August.


If that’s not enough, and you’re more of a traditional gifter, I’ll share with you three items I’m coveting:

a) Njoy Pure Wand – yeah, I know, I don’t have one. I’m almost ashamed. It’s such a staple of toyboxes and the sexbloggers are all crazy about it. I want one. Cannot wait to add this to the arsenal.

b) Fleshlight – It seems a little silly and almost embarrassing for me to reveal that I want to try out a Fleshlight, but hey, what can I say: I want to try out a Fleshlight. It’s also because I still have the (in)famous Mr. Man dildo – aka “the blow job cock” – to try out and review, but I haven’t actually received a blow job since … July. (Damn, that’s embarrassing too.) And I am really quite curious to see how the Mr. Man meets the Fleshlight. Yeah, it’s kind of weird. But the idea is kind of hot.

c) Liberator Throe – I first ran into this at the Sexblogger Calendar party, and though it just seems like a regular ol’ blanket, it’s actually more than that – one side is an extraordinarily soft surface, the other is silky satin, and inside between the surfaces there is an “inner moisture barrier” that keeps sheets, sofas, duvets from getting splashes of come and ejaculate. Uh, WAY sexier than a puppy pad. And really good for safer sex practices, too, so there’s not fluids hanging out on your bedspread after.

Don’t you want to read a story about me with one of these toys, knowing that you sent it to me? Mhm, I thought so.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

15 thoughts on “Holiday Ideas for Butches”

  1. pazenlavida says:

    a nice gift certificate to mac or sephora would be fantastic!

    but since times are tough, thanks to oprah, a letter from you to me would be fantastic.

  2. Amelia says:

    I thought a lot about what the ideal gift from my baby would be, and realized that I want the 1950s housewife gift. I want a stand mixer and some new aprons, possibly a set of pearls or pearl earrings. Or a great pair of spectator pumps! I want her top pick out a dress that she'd love to see me in, or that she would love to see on the floor.

  3. maggie says:

    not a holiday gift, but I need to brag that right before thanksgiving mr. girlfriend surprised me with black, lacy-patterned teardrop shaped earrings to replace ones I'd lost. no wrapping paper or anything – she had them in her hands and in the other hand was a note that said "nice try. now you have to kiss me." I had to pick a hand. cute.

    I think the best presents show that the giver is paying attention. If you don't know what to get for a femme, look at what ze already has. If ze has multiples of something, like a certain accessory or item of clothing, ze would probably be happy to have something in the same genre.

  4. Janet says:


    great belts, wrist cuffs — uberFUN t-shirts.

    I will happily accept any and all gifts anyone would like to send me.

  5. *sigh* I love cuff links. Its one of the things I loved about the funeral business – not only did the men dress well, they dressed *slightly* behind the times. While the families who came in never had men wearing cufflinks, my boys did, along with tie pins, tie tacks, and my hands down favourite – – the tie chain. I LOVE tie chains. Love them.

    Also, suspenders. They look hot on anyone in a suit. With a tie chain, and a pocket watch.

    Ok. Will try to stop drooling over fashion now.

  6. Avah says:

    OMG people- PLEASE send Sinclair to Dark Odyssey!!! You must!!

    And I don't say that just because I'd like to be the girl being fisted in the cabin ;-)

  7. I'm a high femme who' s lusting after that shaving kit for *MYSELF*!

    I shave my face and neck, but keep my chin hairs. My facial hair is something that a lot of other people interpret as masculine, but that I think of as femme. Because it's on me, and pretty much everything about me is femme.

    That silver design is just so, so much more elegant than the pink plastic Gillette Mach Whatever I've currently got at my vanity. And it's androgynous enough that to work for a butch or a femme, I think. And it goes with the 1940s pin-up aesthetic I sometimes like to rock. (I'm picturing a really fun photo shoot now, actually…)

    Thanks for the Stuff Porn, Sinclair!

  8. Lena says:

    Those cufflinks are sooo sweet!

    I let http://www.sockdreams.com write most of my Christmas list for me.

  9. In terms of gifts for femmes, I don't know why it seems only the British seem to appreciate the value of a woman in a black silk chemise (must be all that repressed sexuality), but here are two websites




    for those who can covert pounds to dollars…

    and for butches, I second the soul above who suggested men's handkerchiefs. I am always touched by the men who offer me their soft cotton handkerchiefs in place of a disposable kleenex. There is something particularly old-fashioned and enormously gentlemanly about it. And it is mine to keep as a reminder of their kindness. I would love to see more butches emulate this old habit. It's probably not a bad way to make a good first impression and a reason for your lady in question to see you again if only to return your kindness, washed, pressed and folded.

  10. Amber says:

    Mmm. Well, for Christmas I want to be able to afford a kickass new wardrobe. Do you know I have no heels? I am a femme who HAS NO HEELS. This feels wrong to me. I have one pair of wedges, but my oh-so-awesome black heels with red trim and white polka dots have mysteriously shrunk, and are no longer wearable. Damnable luck.

    Perfume. I am a total perfume junkie. I can never have enough, from the Bath & Body spritzers to Clinique. I am not a girl with a signature scent – my scent changes with my mood. Currently I'm coveting Daisy by Marc Jacobs and (almost embarrassingly, but it smells SO good) Sensational by Celine Dion.

    Anything to make my domestic life easier. For instance, I am in desperate need of a new vacuum (have my eye on the Bissel Pet Hair Eraser, because things get a little out of control with five animals in one house), and I'm coveting those matching, coordinated Tupperware sets that come complete with a little holding rack. Also, an ornate, wall-mounted spice rack would absolutely overwhelm me with glee.

    But hey, thanks for the great ideas! I already have Christmas covered for my boi, but her birthday's not too far away and these ideas are perfect.

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