I’m Sinclair Sexsmith, producer and writer of Sugarbutch Chronicles
So, hi. I suppose you’re here wanting to know more about who I am and why I’m running this site, right?
Where I come from
I was born and raised in the temperate rainforest of southeast Alaska capitol of Juneau in 1979, and I’m living in the San Francisco Bay Area as of April 2013. I’ve also lived in Fort Collins, Colorado, Seattle, and Brooklyn, New York.
I started reading books when I was 3 1/2, and shortly after began writing my own stories. I started keeping personal journals since I was about 7, and after discovering the Internet in about 1994, I started writing journals online in 1996. I used online journal writing—through Livejournal and diary scripts, then later, early blogging software like Greymatter, Blogger, and Movable Type—as a means of self-discovery, expression, and connection.
After taking nearly four years off between high school and college and working as a graphic and web designer and a bookseller, I attended Seattle Central Community College in Seattle, Washington for two years and received a full transfer scholarship to the University of Washington in Seattle. I thought I’d study computer programming and website design, but instead I fell in love with the social sciences and proceeded to get two Bachelor’s degrees, in English focused on creative writing and in Women Studies focused on social change. My thesis was on the “lesbian identity integration fictional narrative,” and focused on psychological theories of the coming out identity process in the lesbian novels of the 20th century. (You can actually read it online, if you’d like: The Book of Fusion at academia.edu.)
The summer after graduating from college, I moved to New York City with my girlfriend at the time (known on Sugarbutch as “the Ex“) so she could attend law school. After a period of unemployment and depression, I began working at an office job doing graphic design in midtown Manhattan, and found the beginnings of what became the New York City Sexbloggers. I read their sites every day for probably a month before deciding to start my own.
How this “online personal writing project” started
Sugarbutch Chronicles was born in 2006 when I was trying to get out of a lesbian bed death relationship. Early writings here are mostly fiction, or musings about things I wished I was doing in my sex life. The relationship I was in quickly dissolved (as do many obstacles, when I start writing about them truthfully) and I fell in love immediately and intensely with someone who saw me not only as a butch, but as a top. That relationship didn’t last, but it led me to a new sense of myself, and I proceeded to use this space as a tool for self-discovery while I dated, explored queer sex, BDSM, sex toys, butch/femme relationships, my own power identities (like topping and dominating), and queer community in general.
Through this project, I used writing as a way to uncover the kind of gender I wanted to present, get into the relationships I was seeking, and have the sex life I craved.
In 2009, I left my corporate office job and branched out on my own, turning Sugarbutch into my full-time work. That work includes writing here on Sugarbutch (usually Monday through Friday at least one post daily, but not always), writing columns and articles on other sites, contributing to anthologies, editing my own anthology (woohoo! Say Please! More to come, hopefully); leading workshops at colleges, sex toy stores, community events, BDSM groups, retreats, and conferences; and coaching individuals and couples through a “sacred intimacy” framework to have a deeper sense of themselves and work through their own blocks and open up more possibility.
Some of the Sugarbutch timeline & backstory
- Seventh Anniversary, 2013
- Sixth Anniversary, 2012
- Fifth Anniversary, 2011
- Fourth Anniversary, 2010
- Third Anniversary, 2009
- Second Anniversary, 2008
- Bed Death, Standard Variety: the post that started it all in 2006.
Awards & Recognition
- Named one of the Top Ten Sex Bloggers of 2013 by LittleHussy.com
- Mentioned as one of three 2010 Best Sex Bloggers in the Village Voice
- #27 on the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2010
- The Lezzys 2009 Lesbian Weblog Awards: Best Lesbian Sex/Short Story/Erotica Blog
- #10 on the 2009 Top 100 Sexy Bloggers list
- The Lezzys: 2008 Lesbian Weblog Awards: Best Lesbian Sex/Short Story/Erotica Blog, Best Gender Bending Blog
- #7 on the 2008 Best Sex Toy Reviewers list
- #1 on the 2008 Top 100 Sex Bloggers list
- Finalist for 2007 Lesbian Blog of the Year
The Password Protected Posts
I’ve been writing under a password for a while as an attempt to keep some things, well, private. I understand this is a public space, but I also struggle putting very personal things online.
Some of the nerdy stuff
Sugarbutch graphics were designed by me or rife from Rowdyferret.com.
The official (short) Mr. Sexsmith bio
Sinclair Sexsmith is an educator, coach, and writer specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They have produced the award-winning personal online project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at www.sugarbutch.net since 2006. With works published in various print anthologies and online, they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. They prefer the pronouns they/them.
My writing is in some books
- I have dirty stories in Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, 2011, 2009, 2007, 2006
- “Right Red Flagging” is about a butch picking up a fag at a gay bar in Twice the Pleasure: Women’s Bisexual Erotica
- “The Hitchhiker,” following a trans narrator picking up a femme hitchhiker on the California 101 in Take Me There: Trans & Genderqueer Erotica
- My essay on butch identity is in Persistence: All Ways Butch And Femme
- The Harder She Comes: Butch/Femme Erotica
- “The Diner on the Corner” is in Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch/Femme Erotica
- My “Love Letter to Femmes” is in Visible: A Femmethology Volume II
… and more. Here’s the complete list of books my work is in.
Aside from Sugarbutch, I write many other places online
- Radical Masculinity column on Carnal Nation
- Dear Mr. Sexsmith and Mr. Sexsmith’s Other Girlfriend (about New York City) on Eden Fantasys
- Lesbian erotica news and reviews on Lambda Literary Foundation
- Advice and answers to questions on What They Are Asking
- Butches in pop culture on AfterEllen
- Fucking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships on Fearless Press
- Smut and sex culture on Good Vibes Magazine
- The sex education profession on Be A Sex Educator
- Queer pop culture on Velvet Park
I also write & perform poetry
Mr. Sexsmith’s credentials
- Gender Studies & Creative Writing degrees from the University of Washington in Seattle
- Bent Teacher Training
- Sacred Intimacy through a Tantric Lens, Seattle, WA
- Community Word Project, New York, NY
- Body Electric School, Nationally
- Teach Now Online Training
Currently, I am thrilled to be working on Sugarbutch full-time, doing sex, gender, and intimacy coaching with clients individually, writing here and elsewhere, and traveling to facilitate conversations and workshops on all sorts of topics (aka teaching). Lots more about my work is available at mrsexsmith.com.