Oh hey there. I’m Sinclair—a writer, teacher, and coach of sexualities, genders, and relationships.


That’s a fancy way of saying that I write and study ways of becoming more myself.

Through fields like feminism, queerness, trans & genderqueer, BDSM & kink, the transformative power of creative expression, and a variety of spiritual practices, I study myself and the places where I interact with the world. I write as a way to process information, and teach as a way to integrate what I know more deeply.

My not-so-secret agenda is …

I really want everybody to—and believe everybody canhave more satisfying sexy explorations, be more comfortable in their own skin, and have deeper intimate connections with others. I have been studying erotic embodiment for almost fifteen years, and I have a variety of tools in my toolbox to assist in increasing one’s capacity for pleasure and unravelling shame.

As a kinky queer butch top, who is primarily oriented toward kinky queer femme bottoms, I’ve struggled to reconcile my own feminist values and principles with sadism, domination, and kinky sex, and I’ve struggled with “lesbian bed death” sexless relationships. I spend a lot of time thinking about my own masculine privilege and my relationship to misogyny, and my own white privilege and my relationship to racism.

I started Sugarbutch Chronicles as a graduate-level study in my own sexuality, gender, and relationships, and it has immensely helped me write myself to a better way of living in the world.

I’m called to support other people with their becoming, too.

After leading workshops and lecturing on writing, sexualities, genders, and relationships at colleges and universities, community centers, sex toy stores, and bookstores all over North America since 2002, I started working with people one on one to assist with their own sexuality experiments and identity puzzles.

Still want more? You’re insatiable!

After 9 years in New York City, I moved to Oakland in 2013. I live with my boy rife, my black & white tuxedo cat, and our wonder dog. I’m an aries with a cancer moon and taurus rising, an INFJ, a Highly Sensitive Person.

I have degrees in both creative writing and gender studies focused on social change from the University of Washington in Seattle (2004), and I studied at the Bent Writing Institute for queers in Seattle for five years. I also completed a teaching artist training in New York City in 2006 and a Sacred Intimacy through a Tantric lens training in Seattle in 2012.

I worked as a bookseller for more than a decade at independent bookstores. I love spoken word and the “self help” genre, and am a devout Ears with Feet.

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The official (short) Mr. Sexsmith bio

Sinclair Sexsmith is an educator, coach, and writer specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They have produced the award-winning personal online project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at www.sugarbutch.net since 2006. With works published in various print anthologies and online, they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. They prefer the pronouns they/them.

Wanna have a chat?