Oh hey there.
I’m Sinclair—a writer, teacher, and coach of sexualities, genders, and relationships.


That’s a fancy way of saying that I write and study ways of becoming more myself.

Through fields like feminism, queerness, trans & genderqueer, BDSM & kink, the transformative power of creative expression, and a variety of spiritual practices, I study myself and the places where I interact with the world. I write as a way to process information, and teach as a way to integrate what I know more deeply.

My not-so-secret agenda is …

I really want everybody to—and believe everybody canhave more satisfying sexy explorations, be more comfortable in their own skin, and have deeper intimate connections with others. I have been studying erotic embodiment for almost fifteen years, and I have a variety of tools in my toolbox to assist in increasing one’s capacity for pleasure and unravelling shame.

The official (short) Mr. Sexsmith bio

Sinclair Sexsmith is a teacher, coach, and writer specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They’ve written at sugarbutch.net since 2006, recognized as one of the Top Sex Blogs. Sinclair’s gender theory and queer erotica is widely published in anthologies and online, and they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. In 2014, Sinclair’s own Maverick Press published Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut. They use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself.

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10 random things about me:
  • I was born and raised in the rainforest of Southeast Alaska
  • I really love sandwiches
  • I spent ten years working as a professional graphic and web designer
  • I worked as a bookseller for more than a decade at independent bookstores
  • Since 1995, I've been a devout Ears with Feet
  • I was briefly pre-med in college after I took a psychobiology class and decided to become a gynecologist
  • I collect rocks, particularly smooth palm-sized stones and egg-shaped rocks (one of my teachers calls them "cunt rocks")
  • I took five years off between high school and college to "figure out how to be a grown up"
  • I came out as bisexual in middle school
  • I started publishing my writing online in 1996, before blogs were a thing, and have written confessional journal-style online ever since

As a kinky queer butch top, who is primarily oriented toward kinky queer femme bottoms, I've struggled to reconcile my own feminist values and principles with sadism, domination, and kinky sex, and I've struggled with "lesbian bed death" sexless relationships. I spend a lot of time thinking about my own masculine privilege and my relationship to misogyny, and my own white privilege and my relationship to racism.

I started Sugarbutch Chronicles as a graduate-level study in my own sexuality, gender, and relationships, and it has immensely helped me write myself to a better way of living in the world.

I'm called to support other people with their becoming, too.

After leading workshops and lecturing on writing, sexualities, genders, and relationships at colleges and universities, community centers, sex toy stores, and bookstores all over North America since 2002, I started working with people one on one to assist with their own sexuality experiments and identity puzzles.

Still want more? You're insatiable!

After 9 years in New York City, I moved to Oakland in 2013. I live with my boy rife, my black & white tuxedo cat, and our wonder dog. I'm an aries with a cancer moon and taurus rising, an INFJ, a Highly Sensitive Person. (I have yet to figure out my Enneagram type because that system kind of confuzzles me, but I'm curious about it.)

I have degrees in both creative writing and gender studies focused on social change from the University of Washington in Seattle (2004), and I studied at the Bent Writing Institute for queers in Seattle for five years. I also completed a teaching artist training in New York City in 2006 and a Sacred Intimacy through a Tantric lens training in Seattle in 2012. I studied with the Body Electric School from 1999-2013, where I assisted and produced workshops and became the national women's coordinator for five years. I left to co-found the organization Body Trust to do more radically inclusive erotic embodiment; we call ourselves a sacred somatic collaborative.

Wanna have a chat?

You guys, I get so much email. So. Much. And I spend a lot of time answering it, but it still piles up. In an attempt to make my email inbox more manageable, here's a contact form you can fill out.

You can also reach me on Twitter, I'm @MrSexsmith.

My email address is mrsexsmith@gmail.com, but I'd much prefer you use the contact form. Thank you!