4 Comments


  1. Those explorations are my personal explorations, my personal edges, my personal work. I know many readers aren’t following me into these worlds, not only because they are edgier, but also because those aren’t as reflective of what you’re going through personally, and it’s harder to follow and relate to. I know many of you don’t agree with or understand what I’m doing (and you’ve said so in comments and emails frequently), and I’m going to continue to do my best to explain what I do and how it comes from a feminist, open, consensual perspective, but I know sometimes those things are just beyond grasp.

    You know, I experienced the same thing: as someone who grew up in an atmosphere of grand sexual repression, writing about revealing my kinks to my husband within a monogamous relationship and having it go better than I ever dreamed of made my story read like the happily-ever-after many people (specifically many women) wanted.

    Then I had to go and ruin it all by opening our relationship and being all queer ;-) Like having a girlfriend who I top and who calls me “Daddy.”

    I think my blog got a lot less “relatable” really fast as my sexual world started to reflect the true variety of my sexual appetites.

    I felt the loss of connection to people, and it was sad and a little frustrating.

    I realized the one way I could still connect with people was this: I’m a good friend. In particular, I’m okay with people expressing strong emotions around me (a lot of people really experience discomfort when someone else is sad or frustrated — they don’t want to listen, they want to “fix” it).

    So I started writing once a week from that perspective, a note that I’d write to a friend, just addressed from me to all kink-kind. I write it every Monday, and it’s one of my favorite things to write now. It elicits a very different style from me: silly, funny, poking fun at myself (sometimes BDSM seems so SERIOUS, yanno?).

    One of the things I enjoy about your blog is this: while I don’t know you, I do experience your blog as “friendly.” While you and I are lucky enough to have friends in real life who are like us, I remember when I didn’t know a single other person like me (and you probably do too). I suspect there are still a lotta people out there who just don’t know anybody like them, or do but they’re far away, and reading blogs like this helps. You’re the friend they don’t have yet.

  2. Long time reader, first time poster. I just wanted to say a sincere thank you for all that you post and write on here. I genuinely feel that I learn something every time I visit your blog and it has opened up and expanded my own horizons in many different ways by challenging the way I think/be/act/reflect. And…you write some good smut ;)

    When are you going to bring yr book tour or courses to the UK?

  3. I so enjoy the comradeship of having Sugarbutch in my inbox over the years. Thank you for your expansive and introspective courage, and for speaking plain and true.
    Blessings of continued wonder, strength in vulnerability, and vibrant joy.

  4. Wow – 6 years! You came along at a time when I was dealing with my invisibility and felt completely alone. I thank you for being there when I needed the encouragement and for the many beautiful years that followed. I’ll always be grateful for your words. xoxo

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