sugarbutch’s second anniversary

2nd birthdayToday celebrates the second anniversary of the beginning of Sugarbutch Chronicles. Two years ago, I was stuck in a Lesbian Bed Death relationship and felt like I was withering away – we were together four years, and we’d had sex five times during the last two.

That relationship is why I started writing smut. I had to do something with all the sexual energy built up, so I decided I’d either a) write it down or b) go to the gym, and while I did develop a nice workout habit, the smut started growing more and more.

This is how Sugarbutch Chronicles began -discussing  Bed Death, Standard Variety:

What I’m trying to say is this: I’m not getting the sex that I want. No, scratch that: I’m not getting the sex that I need. My basic human needs, basic woman needs, basic self needs, include sex. If asked, I would say at least three times a week, though I can be a little flexible about that. I understand, having had some experience as a couple, that that can’t always happen. But I also know that it can, and does, when both people make the effort.

I’m not exactly sure how I let it get as far as it did – I can’t ever imagine letting it get to that place again.

It wasn’t until Callie came along that I was shocked out of my complacent unfeeling depressed stupor and back into a sensual, feeling reality. I’ll always be grateful to her for that. For the six months Callie & I were together, this writing project turned into two main things: writing about the sex Callie and I were having, and then processing through the difficult emotional “conflicts” that kept coming up. I didn’t have community in New York when we were together, so I had very few friends to go to and talk to about her. Sugarbutch became a major outlet for my psychological explorations of our relationship.

But after that ended, it became something else: exploration of my single sex life, mostly. And as that has developed into something more intentional and less, uh, free-for-all, I’ve been writing less about my own personal dating and sex than I am about gender and sexuality in general.

Going into Sugarbutch’s third year, that’s the general direction I’m going to continue to aim. I’ll still going to write about my own personal processes and developments, but I’d like to focus on more personal essay styles with distinctive reoccuring features (like eye candy) and, of course, smut.

Is there is anything specific you’d like to see more or less of? What’s most useful to you here? What’s least useful? What do you love, what do you skip over without reading? If you have ideas, if you have general praise or critique, I’d love to know.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

18 thoughts on “sugarbutch’s second anniversary”

  1. Jan says:

    Happy Anniversary, Sinclair!

    I love you, your blog, your posts, the eye candy, et al.

    Someday I hope to find a delicious butch like you for my "very own". 'Til then I'm reading and enjoying everything you write! The only dyke relationship I've had since I came out six years ago was rather bland, so your posts keep me going! (she brought me out, "converted" me as I like to say)

    The only post I don't pay attention to is the Sugasm "list". (I'm trying to, but it doesn't seem to draw me much.)

    Thank you for your wonderful blog, SS. I plan to continue to read it for many years.


  2. saintchick says:

    Congrats !

    Thanks for all the insight and personal stories that you have given us. It takes alot to put yourself & your life out there for all of us.

    I have learned a great deal.. O' thank you soooooooo much ;)


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  4. muse says:

    you’ve come a long way, baby. all I can say is, I’m so grateful to have been along for the ride.

    cheers and big love to Sugarbutch, the most precocious two-year old ever!

  5. Congratulations! You deserve more pictures of your kind of eye candy. It is your anniversary after all.

  6. Zoe says:

    Congratulations on the anniversary! I love the range of things you cover, and am always interested in your discussions of gender and community, and in the real life sex stories. The fictional smut is fun too, but I think you’re at your best when writing as you. I’ve learned so much about gender and kink from you.

    The only stuff I skip (besides, as above, rarely doing more than skimming the sugasm) is the password protected stuff since I don’t have the magic key.

  7. Congratulations, looking forward to the coming year of posts. I personally love the range of things you write about. My only complaint would be when you got involved with Date Dyke, you didn’t write enough! of course your loyal readers cut you some slack there.

  8. congrats & welcome to year three in the blogosphere! i, for one of many, am mighty, mighty glad to have your voice out there.


  9. dylan says:

    Two years?! Has it been that long already, wow. I feel like I've been reading since the early days and certainly didn't think two years had passed since I stumbled in. Time flies. Congratulations… keep writing, I've really enjoyed reading.

  10. Congrats! I realized mine was saturday – weird! Questions: Have we yet figured out the subtle differences between straight girls and femmes at first glance? Does it really come down to a hunch in the end? Also, has writing SB changed you? (I want to know how, because my writing has certainly changed me, too)

  11. Molly Ren says:

    New reader here, but I have highly enjoyed your website and hope you're around for many years more! I'd have to say the things that mean the most to me on your site are the things about butch identity, which is an entirely new thing for me. (I'm bi, but I grew up in a small town and have just started my gender/queer education.) "Packing cocks?" I remember reading, "what on earth are those?" Thanks for expanding my universe (and giving me new and exciting things to dream about!)

    Also your writing about discovering, refining, and growing into your gender has been inspirational to me–I'm one of those girls that have always found many aspects of being female awkward, but don't identify as "masculine" either. It helps to read about your problems and your words about gender theory have made me feel more comfortable when I don't fit into the mold of "girl"–and made me realize how narrow that idea is for many people I know!

  12. Jess says:

    Congratulations and happy anniversary :) Here's to more of the same! X

  13. Hey. Happy anniversary!

    I wrote a whooooooooooooooooole lot about lesbian bed death myself…. being as I am a survivor.

    We should make our own ribbon for that shit.

    ….back to lurking…

    Hasta la bye bye. :D

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