journal entries

Piercing, Waxing, & Other Body Modifications as Sex Toys

EDIT: I scheduled this piece to publish today last week, when I was going through my drafts folder and discovered I’d never published it here (it originally appeared on Good Vibes Magazine). It seems a bit trite, after this weekend. More information about Cheryl is coming in the next few days, as we start planning what’s next.

Kristen and I drove to Philadelphia in February to see the piercing master Elayne Angel, to get Kristen’s nipples pierced and to have her pierce one of my cocks.

In all of the talk of piercing in the last few months since we both decided these piercings might be something we wanted to pursue, I started thinking about my tongue piercing again and that I would like to have it again. I had it pierced first in 2001 (ten years ago … is that right?! I think so) and then took it out in early 2006, only to have a piercer re-open the hole (which was only a tiny bit closed, so much easier the second time) in late 2007, and then took it out again in early 2009, which was before Kristen and I got together. So she never got the chance to kiss me with it. She said she’d kissed other people who have had one, but nothing more than that. And I had developed a few tricks with it, believe you me.

Of all the piercings I’ve had—and I’ve had 11 different ones, three below the neck, some of which I have had pierced more than once—my tongue is the one I like the most. But I have, as I tend to say, “a teeth thing,” which has in the past been a pretty serious dental phobia and now it just a former phobia (I think) and a general fear of breaking teeth or damaging teeth. So that doesn’t go very well with a metal bar through my tongue.

I took it out last time on a whim and then regretted it, wishing that I’d instead bought a spacer bar to keep it open instead of removing it entirely, or a bar with flat ends instead of the silver balls so it stays closer to my tongue and doesn’t click on my teeth when I talk or eat.

With all this talk of piercings, I started wishing I still had the bar in my tongue, and I decided about a week ago to see if I could get it through—and I could! It was quite easy, and while it was tender for a day or two it wasn’t more than adjusting, no actual damage. I found that I had actually bought a bar with flat ends (why didn’t I use that before? Not sure) and now that it feels back to normal, not swelling or sore, I slipped that in with the ball on top and the flat disc on the bottom just this morning.

It feels good. I like it.

I’ve noticed, in the week since I’ve had it in my mouth, that I am much more inclined to kiss Kristen with tongue, to touch it to her tongue, to get it into her mouth in some way than I was before. I wouldn’t say I dislike tongue kissing (at all!) but I do think generally people use their tongues too much when they kiss and that the lips are the good, best parts. But Kristen really likes tongue kisses generally … so this is a little bit different.

I’m also noticing that since Kristen got both nipples pierced that I want to touch them more. I can’t, really, yet, as they heal, for at least a week or so, but I find myself wanting to ask her to take her shirt off so I can see them, and wanting to touch or kiss or play with them already. She loves attention toward her tits, and probably generally I could do more of that, so this is a happy side effect of the piercing for her.

This morning, over breakfast, as we were discussing what we had to get done (on Kristen’s first real day off since her job started in early February), she mentioned she was going to get her pussy waxed. Which I love. Not because it’s something I expect her to do or require her to do or think is more feminine or part of any sort of beauty standard—I believe everyone has the right to sculpt or play with or explore their own body hair in whichever ways they want to, and that they can change that at any time—but because I love touching, kissing, playing with her pussy after she gets it done.

A friend of ours had hers waxed for the first time recently, and when I asked how it went she said, “My girlfriend could not keep her face out of my pussy for four days.”

Yeah. It’s like that. I see it all bare and I want to suck her lips into my mouth. Same with her nipples—I see them all pink and pert and I want to pinch them, lick them.

To Kristen this morning I said, “Between the waxing and the piercing, I’m going to have a hard time keeping my hands off you.”

Which, I expect, is at least part of the point! And which feels like a really good place to be in, given some of our recent complications.

It’s not that I expect any of these things—pierced tongue, pierced nipples, waxed pussy—to be something that anyone does, and if Kristen had showed no interest in nipple piercing or pussy waxing I never would push her to do either. But she was enthusiastic, interested in exploring what it would be like to modify her body in those ways, and personally, I think those are some significant ways to play with this amazing sexy tool of a body that we all have.

I don’t believe it should be a double standard, either—I too am responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of my own body hair, and in doing things that make her want to touch me or pleasure me. I’ve started to think of my gym routine as directly related to our sex life, because while it not only helps me build strength and stamina physically, it makes me feel stronger and more alive, with more confidence, something that can only help in the bedroom.

And I’m interested in enhancing my own body for sexual pleasure. I’m not sure if I’ll get another piercing. If I do, it’d be a clit piercing of some sort, probably a triangle, though I’m not sure about that. I’m especially not sure what it would be like to strap on and have a clit piercing, though I would hope it would make things better, which would be part of the point.

I often think of piercing as a way to enhance both sensation and attention toward a particular body part. Similarly to getting a tattoo—You may not notice someone’s forearms, but if they have a ring around it or a visual symbol of some sort, it draws much more attention to it. Plus piercings certainly give exhibitionists an excuse to take their shirts off (or lower their pants), since people are generally interested in how these things look and eager to say yes to an offer of, “Would you like to see?”

She’s definitely more willing to let out her exhibitionist these days. And given that she quite enjoyed the needle going through her nipples, I think she’s coming along quite nicely as a masochist, too. I referred to her as such at the dinner table last night, after the experience, and she protested. “Okay, a masochist-in-training, then,” I responded. That might be more accurate.

Rachel Kramer Bussel has a great recent piece about her experiences with waxing. I like looking at things like waxing that our culture files under “obligatory beauty regimens” as things that we actively choose, knowing full well what we are choosing (like the amount of time it takes to maintain hair removal is quite a lot), and that we choose because we like the way it looks or feels or the way it enhances our sex life. That is a perfectly valid reason to choose something.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

7 thoughts on “Piercing, Waxing, & Other Body Modifications as Sex Toys”

  1. First of all, heartfelt condolences on the loss of your friend.

    Second, regarding this post: I’m not sure if this was the response you expected, but as I was reading I kept thinking “oh how sweet!” There was just such a sweet and open-hearted and fun energy to this post. Thanks for going ahead and sharing.

  2. Jamie says:

    The best present I have ever given myself in life is my tongue pierce. I’ve had precious little chance to kiss or play with it, given my wife and I are not sexual, and I am borderline-to-extremely sex phobic at this point, but I love always having something to play with and it replaced a LOT of random snacking.

    It actually was also the most terrifying part of my SRS when I had it. No metal in the body, so I had to take it out during the surgery, so it was out a good 8 hours. I know that is more than long enough for even a well established hole to close up for some people, and I have somewhat of a mutant healing factor in how fast I heal from things (This actually negatively impacted my recovery and results, since I healed too fast so some things don’t look quite right)

    I have more piercings on my to-do list, probably my nipples next. I have an amazing piercer locally (Anders the Piercing Guy) who did my tongue. It requires only money, a hard thing in a family with one working parent, one semi-disabled parent, and two heavily Aspie kids that we are having to homeschool. ><

    The second best thing I've gotten was actually a present from an ex-girlfriend and still best friend, which was my bracelet tattoo of colorful bubbles. It's silly and simple and very me, and I love it.

  3. Kali says:

    I would be wary of any clit-area piercings, since you strap on. I’ve got a VCH, and it’s very prone to pinching bits of skin if things move in a certain way, or even my pants or the seam on my underwear shift. While the ends of a triangle would be in a very different place than that of a VCH, I would still be concerned about pinching, depending on how your cock fits in relation to your clit. I’d advise asking a piercer if possible.

    1. I just learned this through experience. Does the pinching decrease after its been healed a while? I’m definitely guilty of being prematurely enthusiastic last night and now my hood is really unhappy. I’m really hoping this isn’t something that will continue. It’s been about 5 weeks since I got my vch.

  4. Megan says:

    I have been hesitant to post a reply, because I know that this is probably not something you are too concerned about as of late…

    I have had a triangle piercing for 15 months and regularly strap on with my partner. Most of the time the piercing enhances the pleasure of strapping on. I have noticed that if I have just orgasmed, I usually have to reposition the harness a little higher than usual to avoid uncomfortable stimulation. As Kali mentioned, pinching sometimes happens in random situations, but it’s usually not too uncomfortable as long as you reposition whatever is causing the discomfort.

    On the other hand, I couldn’t imagine ever strapping on during the first month after getting pierced. My clitoris was SO sensitive (and not pleasantly) for the entire first month after getting it pierced. It took almost three months to heal completely. It was definitely the most difficult to heal of my ten piercings (although, it is also the most pleasurable). Overall, I think having my triangle is a definite positive in my sex-life. At this point, I can’t imagine not having it.

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