identity politics

Resources For Sex & Chronic Pain

A friend of mine recently asked me if I had any resources for chronic pain and sexuality. I knew of a few off the top of my head, but I started looking around, and querying in a few of the sex educator groups I’m in, and on Twitter, and compiled this list.

Thanks to everyone who weighed in and made suggestions!

What else do you all recommend? Please leave them in the comments.

Spoon Theory

Y’all probably know about the spoon theory — it is very widely popular in many circles, not only when talking about ability, written by Christine Miserandino. If you don’t, highly recommend you familiarize yourself with it — here’s the sweet article that started it all, over on


Chronic Sex – & their Podcast – Shanna Katz & Wintersong Tashlin have series on sex & disability – Rafe Biggs
Disability After Dark – Andrew Gurza
SexAbled – Robin Wilson-Beattie


SexAbled – Robin Wilson-Beattie

Corey Alexander



Partners in Passion – short section starts p374, but there are resources throughout the book
The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, & the Conversations We Aren’t Having – JoEllen Notte’s new book, forthcoming March 2020
Am I Ugly? – from the author: “First third talks about chronic illness, and the last third talks about sex in relation to surgery scars.”

D/s Books

Kneeling in Spirit: Disabled Submissives


Sex & Disability conference – happened in 2017 but there are listings for presenters and resources here

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

4 thoughts on “Resources For Sex & Chronic Pain”

  1. Ashers says:

    Thank you for this article. I’m looking forward to diving into these further.

    This article meant a lot to me and several friends:
    “Know Me Where It Hurts: Sex, Kink, and Cerebral Palsy” by Carrie.

    This article is mostly disability focused but sharing it because of bodies being exquisite and it is one of my all time favorite articles related to disabilities. Plus it has Eli Clare (amazing author, writes about trans and disability issues). “Where All Bodies Are Exquisite” By Riva Lehrer: (trigger warnings for medical and surgical talk; along with disturbing medical practices and specimens).

  2. Aixa Seales says:

    Thank you for this, I really needed a resource page for myself. I shared it on my place of work’s FB page. Feelmore Adult. We get a lot of clients that will be happy to utilize this. I made sure to give you credit and linked it to your page.

  3. Aloysius Bonexzy says:

    Hello Sinclair,

    This is a great compilation, thanks for sharing. I really appreciate you for your steadfastness in improving on your defined awesome niche. Sex is a vitality of intimacy for the couples. Sometimes some conditions may alter this intimacy for example chronic dyspareunia cause make sex frustrating. I hope this materials be of great help to those in need.

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