On Love, Post-Election

How can I write about anything except politics right now? Obama, Obama, Obama. Fivethirtyeight had the projections almost completely accurate. I didn’t see too many major voting mishaps – aside from the long lines at polling places which, as we all know by now, are the new “poll tax.” Which is reassuring! In the last few days I kept hearing, “things are looking good for us, but remember: they cheat.”

So, thank the gods. I’m glad we all got to vote. I’m glad each of our votes counted. I’m so glad to see Obama victorious.

But … then there’s the gay stuff. Prop 8 in California, Prop 102 in Arizona, Prop 2 in Florida. Initiative 1 in Arkansas. Connecticut and Colorado were victories, but with the other four I’m feeling pretty defeated this morning.

I’m angry about this election. I am so grateful for Obama’s landslide win, don’t get me wrong. He ran a fantastic campaign and he did some incredibly gracious, beautiful things with the entire United States, in every place he visited – he wasn’t purely focused on the battleground states, he wasn’t ignoring the South just because it was a given that it’d go red.

But I’m angry about all the other propositions that passed. The literally millions of people who think that me, my relationship, my love, my orientation, my body’s wiring, my queerness is somehow a threat to them, somehow damaging to their way of life, somehow harmful, somehow detrimental to society, somehow bad and wrong and evil.

I take personal offense to these results.

It’s so hard not to. I try pretty hard to ignore the gay marriage activism that are going on in this country – ever since DOMA I’ve been only increasingly discouraged. I’ve written about this recently – my hesitation to think that the gay marriage fight is the end-all be-all of gay activism, that gay marriage is going to get us accepted into the “normal” club. Well, maybe I don’t want to be in the “normal” club.

But this time, I got involved. I got all crazy with 8 Against 8, I read every post Lesbian Dad kept eloquently writing, I researched the state of gay marriage in the US for weeks. I got invested. I named the puppy. I – in my liberal progressive hippie love-will-prevail idealist brain – was not prepared for such a defeat.

Gay marriage is going to revert to being illegal in California. Californians just voted to legally and specifically discriminate against a group of marginalized people. To explicitly and intentionally make us second-class citizens. Less than.

What about Phyllis Lyon, Del Martin’s widow, who just months ago made their more than fifty-year relationship completely equal, valued, valid, legitimate, in the eyes of California law? God I hope they had a good lawyer who put all sorts of forms and documents in place. How stupid and fucked up and time consuming and wasteful that Phyllis and Del even had to go through that, to do the research to figure out what rights and privileges, precisely, they were being denied because they couldn’t get married, and pay a lawyer to draw up the corresponding papers, and enter into a legal agreement with each other.

[It reminds me of If These Walls Could Talk 2, the first segment, with Vanessa Redgrave. Watch it, if you haven’t seen it. I guarantee it will break your heart, but kind of in a good way.]

I want to go back and study the history of interracial marriage – also called miscegenation, which is a great word I don’t know if I knew until today – and see how it was finally overturned. Was it state-by-state? So-called “activist judges?” Did this country watch as, one at a time, states added their own constitutional amendments banning interracial marriage? Were there Mayors who were radical enough to marry interracial couples anyway? How did it finally get overturned? I’ve never been much of a historian, really, I’m much more interested in what’s happening right now, in front of me, how this current system works – and of course it’s important to know where we came from to know how the current system works, but still, I didn’t understand history until I started studying the history of my people, the queers and gender-variants and radicals and revolutionaries.

But still, I don’t have a firm grasp on this particular American activist history, and I want to know how it worked before, because I want it to work again. Because maybe after I know one storyline’s success, I’ll be comforted. Because I’ll remember that it took hundreds of years to gain that particular right to marry, and then I’ll remember that this fight is young, that, despite our headway, there is much farther to go.

I know there is much to celebrate. Perhaps I am taking Obama’s win too much for granted. I know I have a particularly “biased” perspective because I grew up with activist parents in liberal communities; I spend my times in progressive activist circles and queer communities in big cities. There is a piece of me that is saying, “of course Obama was elected, how could it possibly be any other way?” But I said that about Gore and Kerry too, despite that Gore did win the popular vote (don’t get me started) and I’ve seen cardboard cutouts of people that have more personality than Kerry.

Clearly I don’t have a very good grasp on the reality of this country. On how conservative Republicans are capable of organizing people to vote against their own best interest in the name of “values.”

I’ve seen some posts around today already that say having Obama in office we are poised for a Federal lift on the ban on gay marriage, but honestly I don’t know if I believe that. Of course I’d like to think so, sure, but then there’s DOMA, and “37 states have their own Defense of Marriage Acts [and] … 27 states have constitutional amendments.” (source.)

Make that 30, as of November 2008: Arizona, Florida, California.

Times like these I wish I knew more about politics, and history. How can we lift these constitutional amendments out of the states? Do the voters have to vote again? Who can overturn DOMA at the Federal level? Do we need it to go through the courts, or through voting? Do we need certain Supreme Court members in order to have these things overturned? How do we get a Federal constitutional amendment that protects the rights of minorities?

We couldn’t even get something written into the Federal constitution that says that women are equal to men. Remember the ERA? Failed. Failed, failed, failed. It has been introduced in front of every Congress since 1982, and yet we still do not have anything official that says women are equal to men. Is that really so radical, so influential, that there is such opposition to it?

And correct me if I’m wrong here, I am not a constitutional scholar, but: I thought constitutions were for guaranteeing rights, not for taking them away.

Despite that I do understand what people say about the threat of gay marriage, I don’t really understand. I just don’t. Why? Why why why are we so threatening? On bad days – like this one, when literally millions of people voted against my very personal right, my very personal decision to get married – my heart fills up with emotion and I feel like a little kid after another kid yells, “I HATE YOU!” My eyes well up. I didn’t do anything to you. Just – why?

Here’s what gay marriage is: it’s commitment. Building a family, possibly taking care of children, or dogs or cats or hamsters or fish. Finding someone to share your life with. Taking care of each other. Being better together than you are alone.

And here’s what gay marriage is: love.

The simple act of loving another person. Maybe I forget how difficult love is for so many of us. Maybe I’m forgetting that love is often beaten out of us before we are even able to critically think about the world around us, just by nature of growing up in this culture. It really is revolutionary, isn’t it? Just the act of who I love could change the world, and is changing politics.

Despite my frustration at the horrible steps back that we are taking, there is hope. There is change happening.

Obama’s acceptance speech was especially moving. He slipped “gay” right in there with that long list of American identity descriptors – “young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled” – as if it belonged. As if it was no better or worse than any of those other things.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

(Full text of Obama’s presidential acceptance speech here, though I do suggest watching the video – he is such an impressive orator.)

I just have to keep remembering: let the soft animal of my body love what it loves. I can do that. I have to do that. I will do that, despite that my government says it’s not good enough. I know, I really do know, underneath it all, under the pink of my skin, in the nest of my heart, that it is enough – that I am enough – that we, my beautiful community, are enough.

UPDATE, 7pm EST: I know, I know, it’s not completely 100% official yet: the No on Prop 8 folks haven’t given up, and a recount has been demanded. But last count, Yes on 8 was ahead 400,000 votes. Not an easy thing to make up.

Legal Groups File Lawsuit Challenging Proposition 8, Should It Pass: “The American Civil Liberties Union, Lambda Legal and the National Center for Lesbian Rights filed a writ petition before the California Supreme Court today urging the court to invalidate Proposition 8 if it passes. The petition charges that Proposition 8 is invalid because the initiative process was improperly used in an attempt to undo the constitution’s core commitment to equality for everyone by eliminating a fundamental right from just one group — lesbian and gay Californians.”

Also: There’s a protest rally tonight in West Hollywood: We Shall Not Be Overlooked. Wednesday, November 5, 2008, 7:00pm – 10:00pm, San Vicente Blvd between West Hollywood Park and the Pacific Design Center (647 N San Vincente Boulevard, West Hollywood, CA).

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

36 thoughts on “On Love, Post-Election”

  1. Sigh. I'm sorry, Sin.

    It is better to care than not to care, though caring hurts, sometimes.

    There are lots of smart, passionate, hard-working queer people out there, making things happen. You're one of them. And more things will happen.

    I once said your activism is in your pants. It still is, but damn if it's not in that big hot smart butch heartbrain of yours as well.



  2. I'm so sorry – I cried and prayed that those numbers would change this morning, and it breaks my damned heart they didn't.

    I pray that, just as we made history last night, my children will one day be able to live in a nation that recognizes people as people, with no one poised to lead by any other recognizance but their own hard work, and no one set to command period.

    I'm straight, monogamous, and happy – but if I were surrounded the rest of my life by the blessed, loving, child-bearing/adopting/no kids at all couples out there that fought the good fight last night? I would be overjoyed that there is so much love in the world that is allowed the same rights and privileges I have been given.

    Equal rights should NEVER be conditional, and god willing, people will start seeing that.

  3. Bettina says:

    thank you for posting this. thank you for writing our reality in your blog. forward, backward. i just don't know anymore. i got sucked in, too– i named the puppy, all that jazz. hearing obama mention the biggest ways in which i am Other– latina and queer– made me feel adequately represented for that one moment. how quickly that feeling got taken away, though. and i don't think i could articulate how i'm feeling as well as you just did, so thanks.

    (an aside: i am not 100% sure, but i think it's vanessa redgrave in ITWCT 2. and you're right; the first segment is heart-wrenching.)

    [Thank you – and you're right, it's Vanessa, not Jessica – I'm not so good with celebrity names sometimes. Will fix that now, thanks. – ss]

  4. kim says:

    so well written, you made me cry all over again over prop8 and more. As a gay mother of two boys, and a canadian, i can only hope one day the US will come to terms with the notion of equal rights, and what that's all about.

  5. I think about that scene when she's on the bed crying while the little girl is watching her – I think about it all the time.

    Today took the wind right out of me. How did this happen in 2008? Gay people can't adopt in Arkansas?? What? How can that be right? It is unimaginable to me. I have a constant lump in my throat.

  6. This hurts. I looked at the list of things gay people can't do in this state or that state in your country and felt sick. This is so wrong, and blatantly an attack on a normal group of people who's sexuality is the only thing that sets them aside from their conventional fellow citizens. How could millions of people vote for such a stupid thing knowing they could be denying a co-worker or friend (maybe even their own children one day) fundamental rights?

    I know people say it'll happen eventually, and it probably will, but it's important it happens right now. Not just for the gay people who want rights but so homosexuality is an normalised as possible for the next generation, and homophobia minimised as much as possible.


  7. Thank you for writing this, thank you for motivating the folks you motivated, thank you for your activism wherever it comes from or goes to.

    That said, I am with Freedomgirl today:

    I am really, really excited about Obama.



    But what about me?

  8. muse says:

    to all those who voted on Prop 8, and all the amendments: fuck you very very much.

    thanks, Sin. I'm having a rough time with this one, too. your perspective always helps. xo

  9. I need to add you to my blogroll. Immediately. Brilliantly written. I'm thrilled with Obama's victory but saddened by how far we still have to go in this country for everyone– everyone– to have equality.

  10. 1L says:

    Miscegenation laws were overturned by the US Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia. It really is a beautiful decision, it's the exact same argument that we're making for gay marriage equality. When I read it I couldn't understand how it does not apply to people of the same gender. If it ever finally comes it will have to come down from the SC because apparently the bigots have a majority.

  11. nan says:

    Beautifully written. I feel this down to the bottom of my soul. Ow. But then I think about Obama & what it could mean for us & feel like we could finally be all one people now, no matter race skin kin or sin. And then again I wonder how it will change the country, proof absolute that a person of color can be president when they grow up. But when will little girls know it could happen to them, too.

  12. Kitcat says:

    I live in MI and I was refreshing, refreshing, refreshing all night/morning long about all the gay marriage proposals. I felt so defeated when prop 8 passed in California. What a bunch of bull!! People need to open their eyes.

  13. blueinthefaceangel says:

    don't be sad yet seems like the state did a big no-no and we may get to marry after all. IF not I'll figure out a way.I wan't to be able to marry my dream bucth/andro girl when I get out of college.No one is taking that away from me.

  14. LaurynX says:

    I am an African-American queer and I am overjoyed by Obama's winning and having mixed feelings about the Propositions in Cali being passed. I don't feel that gay marriage is the "ultimate" in rights for queer folks, but it is an important recognition of rights. I feel that with a Democratic administration and congress that the climate will have shifted in 4-8 years to really make this happen.

  15. Aerope says:

    These are battles lost, hard battles lost, but not the war. I am a firm believer that changes happens in often unexpected ways…Obama is an example – an African American man with the middle name Hussein, with little national presence 5 years ago, and now our future President…

    The right to marriage equity will be won. And strategically and tactically that battle should probably be fought in New England, and not in the West, South, or MidWest. Why? Because our states are smaller and because those states abut Massachusetts, the national real life pilot on marriage equity. And our legislators are wilier. Marriage equity is the law of the land in Mass, because Mass legislators figured out how to delay any public referendum on civil rights until time + reality turned the fervor of anti-gay marriage into a non-issue. Turns out married queers are just as boring as married straights. And by the time a vote within the General Court came up (our legislature) to move to a Constitutional Convention, it was easily defeated, because we stopped being scary, and guess what? No one cared.

    Anti-miscegenation laws were on the books for many decades before the Perez decision or the Loving decision. Romney, in fact, used a 1906 anti-miscegenation statute to prevent non-resident LGBT couples from marrying in Mass, and that law was recently overturned. All non-residents can marry in Mass. And I invite all of you who wish to do so, to come and marry in Massachusetts.

    I actually believe an Obama presidency will have an impact on marriage equity. One, is the full repeal of DOMA, and because he does not take positions lightly, this is a well considered position. I don't expect it in his first term, but I do believe it will happen 2013. People have continued to underestimate his rhetorical power, his ability to shift the mood of our fellow citizens, his ability to turn from rancor and hatred to hope and grace. I don't think it was a simple accident that Obama has always supported full repeal of DOMA, because he also understands the significant ramifications of a full repeal. Something Clinton did not. Here is Obama's thoughts on DOMA in 2004

    For the record, I opposed [the Defense of Marriage Act] in 1996. It should be repealed and I will vote for its repeal on the Senate floor. I will also oppose any proposal to amend the U.S. Constitution to ban gays and lesbians from marrying. This is an effort to demonize people for political advantage, and should be resisted. …

    When Members of Congress passed DOMA, they were not interested in strengthening family values or protecting civil liberties. They were only interested in perpetuating division and affirming a wedge issue. … Despite my own feelings about an abhorrent law, the realities of modern politics persist. While the repeal of DOMA is essential, the unfortunate truth is that it is unlikely with Mr. Bush in the White House and Republicans in control of both chambers of Congress.

    I know he has publicly opposed gay "marriage" but I believe this opposition is not firm. And if we can have his rhetorical power on our behalf, as President of not just a straight America, but as well as of a gay America, we would be well placed to bring about another great shift in our American life.

    Don't accept the hatred of others. I don't apologize for who I am or whom I love. I won't be broken by setback, because I can declare myself because of all those LGBTs who have gone before us, and the debt I owe them must be paid in resilience and persistence, for those who will follow. Don't eat the losses. We don't have time for that. We cannot wallow in our losses, we do not have the luxury. What is important is to keep on keepin' on. So, Sin, lift your chin, and keep on keepin' on. Our best fights are yet ahead. Yes. We. Can. It's the American way, it's our way. It's our future. It's America's future.

  16. *Feeling Sad* says:

    I am an English woman, married to an English man, we have kids, we live in the arse-end of nowhere in the North of England. A shitty little podunk that only got its first McDonalds a year ago. We have no cinema, no theatre, no hospital, nothing civilised but also nothing overtly consumerist and mainstream.

    I read your blog regularly BTW. I happened across it whilst reading sex blogs, Haha! Found it intelligent, human, interesting, moving, sexy, humorous, hot, thought-provoking, clever and…well…mostly hot*grin*

    I have followed the Obama/McCain debates for months, I have read American Newspapers for the first time (thanks to the internet) I have found links via sexblogs to serious social commentary, to political blogs, to touching and eloquent family-life blogs (thanks for pointing me in the direction of Lesbian Dad!)

    Whilst it has all been fascinating, informative, laugh-out-loud funny, sweet, infuriating. Whilst it has taught me tonnes about American life and culture, sometimes made me cry and sometimes made me proud to be human…one thing it HAS NOT done is made me change my mind about same-sex marriage.


    Because in my heart, I already knew that love is love, family is family, commitment is commitment and choice is choice.

    I can't understand a government wanting to dictate these things? I'm not glamourising the UK-We have a load of shit we need to work out ourselves. All is not well here. But Gay marriages are legal…and I can't see any backtracking. I have the utmost respect for anyone with faith (whatever their faith may be) but it has NO place in politics.

    I was so proud of my "cousins across the pond" for voting for Obama, I cried tears of joy, I sat up till 5.30 am (uk time) I cried again then youtubed Sam Cooke songs 'till my booze and elation fog made my eyes close and I had to hit the sack.

    I scoured the internet today to find out about Proposition 8…It has not been covered here…unlike the election.

    And now I'm sad, I wish I could help, I wish I could have voted…I wish I could have given ADULTS the choice to make their own decisions.

    I'm so sorry the bigots have won on same-sex marriage, but I'm so happy America has spoken about Bush.

    Ok, Sorry about the very very long comment., booze has been imbibed, it's 2.03 am and I probably wouldn't have dared to comment sober…Hehehehe!…I'm just a silly woman from England surrounded by sheep and the North Sea…But I just wanted you to have some kind of perspective from the outside world looking in.

    I don't know how you guys can rectify this horrid situation…but I hope that you can.

    Best wishes to you Sinclair, I may not comment again, I have nothing of use to add here usually, I am so outside your demographic…but I want you to know that I love your writing, I love the NY sexblog community and I love people being true to themselves and living happy lives-however they choose to do that.

    Take care, keep writing and keep fighting…

    With love, from A xxx

  17. Jen says:

    Sinclair. I love you, and if I wasn't already taken I might wisk your hot butch ass off to one of the sensible states and make you marry me. Alas, my girlfriend wouldn't like that one little bit, so I'll have to admire your words and wisdom from afar….

    And Aerope…brilliantly said…you have a blog anywhere?

  18. N says:

    I've never posted a comment on your blog but i just wanted to say that I was so upset when I found out about Prop 8 passing…I had to write my own blog about it too and I never write about current affairs. I don't understand why we as lesbians have to fight so hard for our civil rights. It's really upsetting….truly.

  19. Onion says:

    yeah… this one hurts…

  20. !spark! says:

    Your pain and hurt is completely justified. I, in no way, mean to invalidate your feelings, because, yeah, it SUCKED BIG TIME, but I want to share with you what I experienced last night.

    My dtr is 18. We voted together. Then she and 5 of her friends (4 other first time voters) came to our house, wearing their home-made Obama t-shirts and waving signs. They were riveted to the tv all evening. I, the old fart, cynical, not able to allow myself hope, went downstairs to read and fell asleep. They woke me up when McCain conceded and I cried.

    They then went into the street hooting and hollering and were told they were making too much noise (we live in a red state). And so they went to a bar closer to downtown, known for its Democratic support. And they celebrated til dawn. They texted me 4 times during the night asking me to check online about how Prop 8 was fairing…. :(

    I know the lost battles are disappointing but from where I sit right now, all I can see is energetic idealistic young people. They are enthused, "ready willing and able" to continue the fight. Have no doubt, the sun is coming up on a new day. I believe, I believe, I believe.

  21. SuperTex says:

    i think everyone in cali is experiencing the same roller coaster of emotions.

    i was overjoyed last night when obama won. a actually cried when i thought of greater context in which it happened. i'm glad my grand & great-grandparents were alive to see this day.

    and then, like most gay people of CA, my focus immediately went to the Prop 8 numbers. while i drifted asleep on my couch to disappointing numbers, i was hopeful they were from conservative areas and that things would turn around. upon waking up this morning, i learned that was not the case.

    it was as though the wind had been knocked out of me. while i tried to take comfort in the fact that i had a gay friendly president (i too smiled at the shout out in his acceptance speech) i couldn't help the somber feelings that came over me as i went through the motions of getting ready for work. i looked anxiously through the streets of west hollywood on my way to the office. my eyes desperately searching for any support indicating that the fight was not over.

    and it's not

  22. claude cahun says:

    Why would Obama shift his position on the question of gay marriage when gay people are currently engaging in what Judith Butler has called “uncritical exuberance” for him? It seems to me that if we want marriage, then we need to look beyond last minute media campaigns, and begin to do serious cross organizing, where we can meet ordinary people and stand in solidarity with them. I mean, if you don’t stand in active, visible solidarity with working class people, why should they do that for you?

  23. femmeismygender says:

    *Feeling sad* may I correct you? Gay marriage is NOT legal here. Civil partnership is NOT the same thing! There is NO SUCH THING as gay marriage in the UK………..yet

  24. QueerRose says:

    It will be very interesting to see what Obama's administration does to support minority / marriage rights. As I've repeatedly said across blogworld in the last few days, perhaps this is a golden opportunity for the gay community to unite and apply some strong, unified pressure for change at a national level.

    I'd also like to clarify that here in the UK we are 2nd class citizens too, we have Civil Partnerships – we do not have the right to marry as *Feeling Sad* has said.


  25. I haven't anything more to add, or anything articulate or eloquent to say. . . But, damn, I agree. I so agree.

  26. Chelsea says:

    I was so upset when I found out all those amendments passed, I had to cry.

    And DOMA is blatantly unconstitutional. Marriage is a contract, and there is a clause in the body of the Constitution that mandates that each state must recognize contracts made by every other state.

    Anyway, I agree with you so so much.

  27. linaria says:

    What hurts me the most is not the realization that the majority of Americans are so conservative—that's only difficult to understand when everyone you know is liberal. What hurts me the most is the indifference from other liberals.

    Yesterday, every Democrat I knew was happy, people were walking around saying "Yes We Can!" to each other and smiling. And when I explained to a friend why I wasn't quite so happy, she said something along the lines of: "Well, what does it matter? You live in Massachusetts!" This is a good Democrat, who canvassed for Obama…

    And I'm starting to think that's the problem. There are the people who actively oppose gay marriage, and there are the people who believe it's a "special interest issue," and those two categories encompass everyone who is not gay in this country…and there are so few of us comparatively.

  28. Zoe says:

    As another californian, I felt Tuesday night like I had won a car and then someone ran over my cat. Rationally, I know Obama's win is very important, but I have a visceral reaction to the 8 win.

    I rarely feel separate because of my sexuality. But all day at work yesterday I felt alienated – like I could not share wholeheartedly in the glee the other liberals were expressing. I also don't expect straight people to feel this way, or even completely understand how devastating it is to have this right that I'm not sure I even want right now, taken away. My supervisor gave lip service to being disappointed in the propositions and while I appreciated the gesture, I would rather she just celebrate, as I cannot fully, the Obama win.

  29. Jessica says:

    I found you by way of Alisha, and it's comforting to know that there are people out there who share my frustration with some of the things put in place by this election. Most of my liberal, straight friends are rejoicing so much over Obama's victory that Prop. 8 is merely a blip on the radar. And don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that Obama won (and I also loved his speech) but the fact that there are so many people out there fighting tooth and nail to deny us our rights is just… heartbreaking. I did hear that Obama is planning on reversing DOMA, so I will keep my fingers crossed for that.

    I will have to read more of your blog when I have the time. You write very eloquently.

  30. deightful wigglepuss says:

    Thank you so much for this thoughtful post.

    The mixture of sorrow and elation the morning after was so intense. I live in a district represented by the first out lesbian in congress (go Tammy Baldwin!) *and* an anti-gay-marriage state (WI fought and lost this battle last election). This sense of being in the middle of sustaining a win and battle still to be won makes for quite a schism. But that line may always exist.

    So these questions remain in my mind. How do we strip those churches of their tax exempt status? When do we take to the streets (again)? Or maybe in this case, take to the offices where licenses are issued? What will queer liberation look like beyond marriage rights? When they yank rights away, how do we yank back…successfully?

    On this front, I'm still in the emotion of wanting to fight back dirty. But overall, my feelings are tempered by Studs Terkel's words: Hope dies last.

  31. Polly says:

    Per usual, Sinclair, well said. And the nod to my recent binge of words on the topic is much appreciated.

    I love Zoe's "I felt Tuesday night like I had won a car and then someone ran over my cat. " Sad thing is, it feels like part of that very car is what ran over the cat, advertently or inadvertently, whether or not it was the cat's damn fault to be sitting like an ass in the middle of the road, totally ignoring the car for blocks, or whatever.

    Don't get me near a metaphor these days, I am sure to make hash of it.

    The second worst thing about this whole Prop 8 loss is that it has so decisively knocked the wind out of what would have been unchecked joy over the Obama win.

    The most worst thing: my cynicism and bitterness are winning the day. The contingent, bizarre sense of belonging I was so uncomfortable with feeling, since mid May? Gone.

  32. *Feeling Sad* says:

    Ok Guys, thank you for the correction. I kinda knew that in the back of my mind but as my friend always refers to his partner as "my husband" I got carried away in the romance (yeah I'm a big softy)

    Yes, you're right, it is being treated as second class and it SUCKS.

    I'm also sorry for the big long waffly post…I'd had a few vodkas and was swept up in losing my blog comment virginity.

    It feels a bit other worldly to be posting on NY sex blogs when you live in the UK by the North Sea. hahaha!

    But anyway, the gist of it stands. Governments have no right to tell adults how to love and live.

  33. Tara says:

    I was so sad to see those amendments pass. I live in Florida and I was so hopeful amendment 2 wouldn't pass. And I own If These Walls Could Talk 2, I cry every single time I watch it. I hope things really do change in this country, and soon.

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