journal entries

the stakes have been raised

If she wins (i.e., gets to top me) by more than thirty votes, I have agreed that she gets to fuck my ass, too.

That’s the new deal.

Uh, so, you’re gonna help me win, right?

It has also been pointed out to me that I didn’t sell my topping her all that well in that last post. That is probably because I still have this vision of her ordering an entire roomful of people around while I was in Seattle, and, for whatever reason, I wanted to be kneeling in front of her with my hands on her leather boots, saying, “yes, ma’am.”

Now, though, I am telling her I want her in lingerie, garters and a bra and a thong, tall tall boots, blindfolded. Waiting for me on that hotel bed.

At that, she laughed. “I don’t think that’s what your readers want.”

Have I mentioned that she’s a grassroots organizer? She’s threatened to organize a voting block.

And yeah, I am hard and wanting with the ideas of submitting to her. A new place to be in, I don’t ever remember getting this worked up at the idea of bottoming to a femme. Yowza.

But, underneath it, all this talk just makes me want to take her down all the more.

I want to twist her arm around her back and shove her against a wall, kick her legs apart, fuck her until she comes, dripping down her legs and leaving a mess on the concrete at our feet. (I hear she’s a gusher.)

I want to feel my cock at the back of her throat as she swallows it in the car in the parking lot at the sketchy by-the-hour hotel.

I want to finger her while she blows me.

I want a fistful of her hair.

I want to split her open with that huge new cock of mine.

Like a watermelon, she wrote.

I want that look in her eyes, on her face, when she wallows in it, gives her body over to me, drops, opens. I want that stroking of her skin, after, when she’s shaken.

I don’t want her to be disappointed.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

4 thoughts on “the stakes have been raised”

  1. Rona says:


    I'm beginning to really vote for "wrestle for dominance, and loser gets to rule the day on your return flight." Was that an option? Can I change my vote? This whole series of posts gives new meaning to the phrase "layover."

  2. It sounds like a nice idea, but I've always been too afraid to leave the airport on any layover because I'm always afraid I'll get stuck in a long line at security on the way back in and miss my flight! So my vote includes a wish for short lines at security and no traffic jams between the hotel and the airport.

  3. personally, i get off on the uncertainty. which way will it go? imagine spending the flight out fantasizing both ends and everything in the middle? tie yourself up in slippery, sensitive knots over it, squirm in that confining airplane seat, shift your packing cock around.

    and later, maybe the whole flight to AK is a glorious blur as you try and sort it all out … just who was driving?

    btw, thanks for your kind words over at my little pile of words!

  4. Colleen says:

    No dice. I still wanna "see" that ass of yours in the air. The potential of you getting fucked in the ass just makes the prospect better.

    Nice try, though, with the new descriptions of what you'd do to her.

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