what is it you … want?

I am currently working on a guide to holiday gifts for the butch or femme in your life. I’ve got plenty of my own ideas, but I want to open it up to comments: what would you love to receive?Specifically, here, I’m thinking of things that are kinda gendered – cuff links, ties, perfume, silver-handled dresser set. But I’m open to all suggestions!

Hmm, and while we’re on the subject, What about sex toys? What toy have you always wanted? What are the best basic toys to have in every collection?

If you’re feeling shy, email aspiringstud (at) gmail (dot) com. I’ll compile the answers, combine ’em with my own, & repost them.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

12 thoughts on “what is it you … want?”

  1. sexcakes says:

    njoy. always, njoy.
    i gt an njoy pure wand for my birthday last year, and it’s my absolute favourite. and it comes in a classy-looking wooden box and looks suspicously like art…

    definitely something for the lovely lady in your life.

  2. High Maintenance Femme says:

    Essential toys I think are the multi speed vibrating bullet and a G-spot vibrator, something like the G-twist from Fun Factory. Other gifts I would appreciate as a femme would be a day or weekend at a beauty spa, or a token to have a custom made corset made for me, something which I would love but is definitely too much of a luxury to buy for myself given the cost.

  3. Essin' Em says:

    Sex toys:
    *Pure wand by Njoy (agreed!)
    *Hitachi Magic Wand
    *A good (not too big) silicone dildo with a decent sized base for strapping on
    *Dual strap harness
    *For Your Nymphomation Case

    Femme gifts:
    I agree with the HMF about the custom made corset or a nice day at the spa (a back massage would be lovely!). A trip lingerie shopping would always be appreciated. MAC cosmetics. Silk sheets. I PERSONALLY would love anything for my kitchen, but I don’t want to say that any femme loves to cook. Stuff that makes me feel pretty, without making me feel like I’m not already. I personally would hate to have heels bought for me, because I’m soooo picky about the shoes I wear, but I’d love for my partner to do go with me to find a good pair of fuck me boots…and then take me out to a club to show them off ;)

  4. lady brett says:

    jewelery. for some reason i have this thing about jewelery needing to have a…story, or meaning, or something. not that it has to be super deep, but seldom buy jewelery for myself because i want to be able to think or say “oh, that’s the necklace so’n’so got when we were at…”

    i think that’s just me, though =)

  5. Ms. Avarice says:

    I'm with Lady Brett, I don't buy jewelry for myself because I want it to be special. Pearls would be my obvious favorite, but anything that comes with a story will be adored. How about any old reason to get really formally dressed up like you're going to the Prom (or the opera, or a benefit ball, or the oscars)? A set of really nice pens. But that's not a femme's gift, that's for writers I guess…

  6. Katerina says:

    I don't know if this is a femme thing, it may just be a me thing, but I really want a china tea set. (I also want a ball pit in my living room, which I'm almost positive is a *me* thing.)

  7. lady brett says:

    who wouldn't want a ball pit in their living room? or at least a friend with one? might not be a butch or femme thing…i think that is simply above silly things like gender =P

  8. Jennifer says:

    A ball pit? Do i need one of these? I don't know what it is? Do tell ladies! My essential sex toys are a double headed dildo (very flexible! for solo play also), a vibrating egg or bullet, and both water based and silicone lube. The toys I currently crave are a medium sized glass dildo, a very large vixen dildo, an njoy wand, an njoy plug and an electric vibrator for that lovely low buzzzz. Femmey gifts that I enjoy are clothing accessories like jewelry, scarves, stockings, lingerie, etc. I also like to receive art, art lessons, and art supplies. My ultimate femmey gift though is a special night out. I would like a butch lover to request the honor of taking me out for a pre-planned event. We would both be dressed to the nines in our own unique ways and we would be so incredibly proud of each other and ourselves. We would compliment each other so beautifully.

  9. sinclair says:

    I've been assuming it was this kind of ball pit to which Katerina was referring, though it did take me a minute. At first I thought it was something about a ball gag, and wondered how that would work … all kinds of kinks out there, ya know!Thanks, everybody, for the suggestions! I'm working on the gift guide still, I've had some great emails & comments.

  10. Jennifer says:

    K, then, I'm in.

  11. Katerina says:

    I don't even think my roommates would bat an eye if they came home to find me in the living room with a ball gag.

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