what i mean is

when i say i feel the
of you
what i mean is
i feel you
in my skin
in my mouth
for hours


when i say you are my
what i mean is
i have never felt this
strings of energy
between us


when i say i’m
what i mean is
i don’t want anyone else
i don’t want you
to want anyone else
i want to leave
my mark on you
suck on your skin
a little too long
bite your

a little too hard

when i say i
what i mean is
my heart is the bird’s nest
in which i live
and i am ready
to take flight
i am ready
to give my heart away
i believe deeply
in the tools
of relationships
and i want to use
everything i have
to figure out
everything you have
to watch your heart soar
to hold you up sometimes
to let you in

what i mean is
i want to help you
be the very best you
you can be
because i feel
more like myself
my best, highest self
around you
because i make
so much more sense
when i am with you

everything i am
has built to this moment
to this connection
everything i’ve learned
is so i can survive
in this
with you
for as long
as we possibly can


Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

3 thoughts on “what i mean is”

  1. srchngformystry says:

    god, you say it so well what is also in my heart.this is how i felt this weekend with him, and i feel the need to really explain myself.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Oh I like this. Very beautiful.

  3. Shannon says:

    I love the space, you leave between words.

Leave a Reply