dirty stories, real life

let go, just let go

I adore the sounds a girl makes when she’s being fisted. Gutteral, that’s why that word was invented, to describe the sounds from her mouth, her throat, her chest, her belly, her cunt. Such deep noises coming from the center of her.

It didn’t start as fisting. It started as me, strapped on, fucking her, her on her back, me above her, her knees bent, pulled back, held to her chest, calf on my shoulder. But there was some place in her I wasn’t reaching, she kept pressing against me to make my cock hit just the spot, my cock which was really her cock, her strap-on, because I did not come prepared. Her cock wasn’t very large. Slim and decent, sure, but nothing I would call thick.

I turned her onto her stomach. Hips bent over the edge of the bed, toes on the floor. Spread her open with one hand pressed her hips up into that perfect little spiral curve and slipped a finger inside. Two fingers. Just to find the angle, the placement, the mark where my cock would be going. Instead I found her open, so open, opening wider as my fingers moved deeper, three fingers, four, slid in so easily and still hadn’t filled her. I didn’t ask for her permission, didn’t tell her what I was doing, I assumed she could feel it and I tucked my thumb under, pushed inside. Easily. Slid in to my wrist.

And she was filled. With me, my fingers, my palm, my thumb, my wrist.

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt a girl’s cunt open like that before. Lock-and-key open. Dark clouds parting to reveal blue sky open. There is a certain point in the … orgasm arc that they do tend to open deeper, pull my hand cock tongue in even further, but oh so rarely do I feel a girl making a space for my fist inside her.

What a feeling: my whole hand inside her body. This hand, the one I’m using to type. Such connection happens when I can feel every ripple of her body from inside. How her hips gyrate and buck. How her stomach contracts. The noises from her mouth that begin where my knuckles touch muscle and press.

I took her clit in my left hand and attempted, tried, cajoled, but I don’t think she came. She certainly had a release, of some sort, but I think she may have been generally too overstimulated. That’s just a theory. An observation.

Slid out of her slow. I didn’t want to let go of her for a long time after.

That was definitely my favorite part of Saturday night, though the caning, the candle wax, the rope binding, the orgasm that nearly made me cry, and the pigeon family nested on the balcony were also very notable.

I can still hear her whisper, in my ear next to my cheek, her skin so fucking smooth, “let go. just let go.”

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

16 thoughts on “let go, just let go”

  1. Jefferson says:

    You know, you can write circles around anything. But when you turn on the sex–holy smokes, man!Tissues, anyone?

  2. Madeline Glass says:

    oh, my goodness. what a lucky girl.

  3. Dylan says:

    god, i need to stop reading you until i have a sex life again.

  4. Viviane says:

    Well! I can see us perverts were a good influence on you. ;-D

  5. srchngformystry says:

    damn.makes me want to get fisted.i need a cold shower…or a deliciously warm and wet cunt in front of me now.

  6. Tess says:

    Echoing all three of the prior comments. You said you wanted to write about sex here and boy, baby, when you do it is astounding and sizzlingly hot.

  7. Flint says:


  8. sinclair says:

    wow, thanks all! perhaps all I needed was some adequate inspiration. hopefully this will be only the beginning of stories to come. (ha, pun intended.)

  9. marcus says:

    that's the kind of woman i like to fist.i am sure of it.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Sinclair-You rock…x

  11. Hipster Pit says:

    wow. . . that made me. . . woozy.

  12. Layla says:

    I just found this in the archives. Thank you for this very feminist fisting-positive post! Your observations here jive with everything I know and love about being fisted. Mmnm! Awesome.

  13. Zoe Sorenson says:

    This is so beautiful. I’ve always known that I’m attracted to women and that I want to explore my body more, but I usually imagine my sexual exploration being with men. As this is only the second post I’ve read from the archives, I would like to congratulate you on how almost instantaneously you’ve made me more gay. I’ll send you another message the first time I fist/get fisted by a woman and let you know that you facilitated my fisting dream coming true 😅

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