AT: Mini-Interview

Posted on February 28, 2011 in on butches | 2 Comments

If you're new here, you should know that this site contains BDSM, kink, gender explorations, and explicit queer sex. You may want to subscribe to my RSS feed, Twitter, Facebook, or not. This warning will self-destruct.

AT, Psychologist, Writer, Jock, Artist, Blues & Swing dancer.

1. What is your relationship with the word or identity “butch?”
Butch says it as no other label can. Butches, for the most part, present tough and perform tender. I love the word Butch as it well characterizes the stuff of Butch.

2. What kind of words and labels, if any, do you use to identify yourself?
Butch guy and Transmasculine.

3. What do you wish you could tell your younger self about sex, sexuality, or gender?
Thanks to me as frequently I give my younger self a big pat on my back for having never once wavered throughout my entire life in my presentation and performance of my identity, sexuality and gender as a Butch guy and Transmasculine. Everywhere I held fort, as a former teacher, getting my graduate degrees and later, in my years of private practice. I strutted my stuff and swaggered and loved special women all as the jock I was, athletic prowess and all taking my space the same as I did as a teenager able to kick a high and distant spiral while barefoot. The same too I did at thirty-something at Jones Beach out in the ocean far from shore, with my swimsuit tied around one ankle and swam naked in the deep ocean. It was my return to shallow waters and the shore fearing each time I would reach down to my ankle and discover my swimsuit no longer there. :-( It takes guts to live Butch!

Bonus: Anything you’d like to add?
Feminism near destroyed Butch and Femme, their attempts to bury us deep in a graveyard and to be forgotten and dismissed. Feminism failed at that, notwithstanding the years of pain and suffering on the part of so many Butches and Femmes forced underground, their presence denied during the many years of Feminism. Remember: only Butch and Femme existed pre feminism! I am deeply appreciative to the Butches today whose persistence of who they are validates our identity, gender and sexuality. It is the zing of the strings in my heart!

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Jenni Olson: Mini-Interview

Posted on February 25, 2011 in on butches | No Comments

Jenni Olson is a writer, director, curator, filmmaker, and co-founder of PlanetOut.com. She is also director of e-commerce at WolfeVideo.com and author of The Queer Movie Poster Book. www.butch.org

Photo by Cheryl Mazak

1. What is your relationship with the word or identity “butch?”

Butch is a word that helps me speak proudly about a very important aspect of myself. I love that it enables me to embrace so many of my unique and special qualities in a celebratory way and to connect with others who are interested in dialogue about gender difference in society (especially other butches, and the girls who “get” me).

Like the word “queer,” the word “butch” has an outsider quality which reflects the reclamation of an identity that our larger society has historically (and currently) held in contempt. Proudly flying this flag is the first step in my personal manifesto of gender integrity in the face of perennial societal disapproval. It is part of a journey towards wholeness, healing and self-esteem — a journey which becomes somewhat easier as I get older, stronger and smarter. Somewhat.

2. Which words and labels, if any, do you use to describe yourself and your identities?

Butch dyke, lesbian, queer. I am not a “gay woman.” I love that my kids call me Mom! I also proudly claim Q. Allan Brocka’s hilariously honest term from his Logo series, Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in All The World: “Versatile Top.” I am also a closeted bisexual.

3. What do you wish you could tell your younger self about sex, sexuality, or gender?

I would start with the currently popular phrase: “It gets better.” And then recite what I just wrote above in Question 1.

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“It’s All Butch” 2011 Calendar

Posted on February 24, 2011 in on butches | No Comments

Photographer Debbie Boud has put together a 2011 calendar featuring butch pin-up photos, It’s All Butch.

Says Debbie:

“The It’s all Butch calendar came about from a blog on myspace a friend of mine did about Butch women from the L word and how sexy they were. I thought to myself that most of the women on the L word were not lesbians so I decided to create a venue that showed that Butch Lesbian women could be just as sexy as the femme women. The idea was to create a diverse array of Butch women. In 2010 Maria is 68 yrs old and was a professional roller derby gal in the 70s. In 2011 Torie is 17 yrs old. There are thin Butches, big Daddy Butches, and FTM [folks].”

She sent on some shots to show off here.

More information is available at cabelgalshideout.com, including bios and personal profiles of the models.

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Good Girl, Bad Girl (Part Two)

Posted on February 24, 2011 in Kristen, stories to turn you on | 13 Comments

WARNING: This story contains Daddy/girl play (and dirty talk). Read Part I.

Part II.

She is a bad girl.

There is very specific protocol if she wants me to fuck her. She is supposed to ask for it, nicely. If she’s embarrassed, she is to sit on my lap and tell me she has a secret.

She wants it, all the time. She is the first girl I’ve dated seriously who has a higher sex drive than I do.

I want her to own her desires. To know there’s nothing wrong or shameful about wanting to be fucked, to be opened, to be taken. But sometimes, she can’t. She forgets she’s supposed to ask, and instead drops hints and tries to turn me on, to entice me. Sometimes, this frustrates me. Sometimes, it becomes a game, reminding her she is a bad girl for wanting it and not being able to tell me.

This is what happens.

I sit on the couch reading a book and drinking tea after the dinner she made. For me. She finishes the dishes, brings her book out too, sits next to me. She doesn’t look at me as she finds the place marked by a small piece of paper and starts reading. I’m not paying attention; she’s watching me from the corner of her eye. Her legs stir, she shifts position, pull them underneath her as she inches closer to me.

I turn a page. She turns her eyes to the pages of her book, moves them along the words, not reading. She’s tried to get my attention all through dinner. Touched her foot to my ankle under the table. Gazed at me, lusty and devourous. Touched my hand and forearm, leaned across the table to display her breasts. Kept her thighs apart. Crossed them, rubbed her legs together.

She gets frustrated that I’m not paying attention. Starts pouting a little. She sighs, audibly.

I ignore her.

We read a while. I’m deeply involved in the middle of this book, and besides, didn’t she just get fucked this morning? I am impatient with this seduction routine, it makes me feel anxious, itchy. And simultaneously, something dark in me growls from down low.

I finish my tea, put my book down, and get up to brush my teeth. When I emerge, she watches me from the couch, waiting for some cue from me, and almost rolls her eyes when I give her none. She sets her book down on the coffee table a little harder than necessary and gets up to brush her teeth, wash her face, prepare for bed.

We cross next to each other in the hallway and I slam her up against the wall, face first. She whimpers, gasps. Breathes in.

“Is this what you wanted?” I grip her arm and twist it behind her, my mouth close to her cheek. Read more

13 Comments | Category: Kristen, stories to turn you on | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Boston & Syracuse This Week!

Posted on February 21, 2011 in events | 1 Comment

I’m off tomorrow to Boston for two workshops—Cock Confidence and Afternoon Delight—until Wednesday, then Friday I’m heading upstate to Syracuse, New York, to do a Radical Masculinity workshop.

I’ve been updating the details in that “What’s Happening in February” post that’s been at the top of the Sugarbutch feed since earlier this month … Has that been useful for you folks, or do you find it annoying? It’s a new thing I’m trying.

Hope you can join me at one of these workshops! Here’s the details:

Cock Confidence: Strap-On 101 Workshop at Good Vibes in Boston

Tuesday, February 22nd, 8pm
Good Vibrations, 308A Harvard Street in Brookline, MA

Many of us have experience with strapping on, packing, and playing, but there are lots of new products out there on the market that might be exciting and that you haven’t encountered yet. Plus, she’ll delve into some cock confidence, getting into the psychology of penetration, and discussing what it’s like to shoot from the hip.

(Thanks to Syd London for the great photo!)


Cock Confidence at Butch Voices NYC (photo by Syd London)


Afternoon Delight: A workshop on sex toys and getting what you want in bed at Harvard in Boston

Wednesday, February 23nd
8-10pm
Ticknor Lounge in Boylston Hall (right by Mass Ave)
Harvard, Boston, MA

Produced by Girlspot, the queer women’s group at Harvard. We’ll explore how to turn up the heat on our sex lives, what gender expression and performance has to do with sexuality, and all the fun tools we can use in the bedroom—from vibrators to strap ons to butt toys to light bondage and sensation. Includes a sex toy giveaway! Open to the public.

Radical & Responsible Gender Masculinity, Misogyny, and Feminisms at Syracuse, NY

Saturday, February 26th, 1-4pm
Syracuse University
Hall of Languages 102
Syracuse, NY

Academics break down and deconstruct gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively?” How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? How can queer communities and spaces be improved by gender reflection? Open to the public; RSVP to Lauren Hannahs at lbhannah@syr.edu

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Claudia Rodriguez (aka C-Rod): Mini-Interview

Posted on February 21, 2011 in on butches | No Comments

Writer, activist, teacher/student, parent. agentezeroocho.blogspot.com

C-Rod is also part of the performance group Butchlalis de Panochtitlan.

1. What is your relationship with the word or identity “butch?” 

Butch is word that I’ve grown to embrace, I love being butch but sometimes I hate the baggage, mostly expectations and misconceptions others, friends and foes, impose on me because my gender presentation is butch. This is a poem which, I feel, truly encompasses my relationship with the word butch:

To my butch scholar

Butch aesthetic…
what does that mean?
Reflect what you see before you into words.
make sure you address my big boobs
and expand on how my tight ass
makes you salivate at the thought
of your fingers
sliding up and down your keyboard
as you recreate me, separate me, turn me upside down
and label me.
ME-your idea!
For you to relive every time you, she, I read.
Butch aesthetic?
that captured by your eyes
digested by your mind
and ends up on everyone’s tongue.

Reflect what you see before you into words.
Please include the smells-
is that hot wax or the smell of hot skin?
Hear that?
Your heart beating in MHz at the sound
of the whip against my back,
Um, my moans.
Butch mystique?
That surrounding my butch Papi
who stirs fag/boi/tranny fantasies
you fucking me in your mind
as you witness
gender fucker
fucking
gender fucker
performing Butch identity against what is Queer/Butch.
Gender fuckers gender fucking,
performing Butch identity against what it means to be a chicana/butch
butch violating butch…
This is butch to me…

I feel the marks of my identity
I’ve been the butch top in this femme-butch matrix
where my desire IS draped in femme fatigues
where my identity manipulates my desires
Where I’ve enjoyed being somebody’s bitch
Really, I just want to be ok
with wanting to be manipulated by you.
Feeling your cock-hard Domness
Top this sub
makes my cock hard
femme or butch both can top me the same
as long as I get spanked the way I want to be spanked.

The personal is political
but the political is not always written on the skin
I know you see me as a cabron…ladies don’t deny it
But can you tell I like to fuck boys/bois?
Yes
I am
one of those butches that flew over the coo-coo’s nest
the kind that fucks other butchas…
go ahead and say it “where are all the real butches.”
Act surprised that I’m down with getting down butch on butch?

Hola Papi,
I was thinking about you, how the other day you stretched yourself out before me, slid your hand under your boxers and touched yourself. You scooped some of your juice up! I know cause I saw as you first smelled your scent then ate it. As if nothing you slid your hand down there again. You face twisted this way and that with pleasure and lips parted with your moans. You got the legs twitching, chest heaving types of motions. I watched until your eyes rolled to the back of your head with satisfaction and closed with bliss.
Here I go again
Talking all that little boy fetish (gag motion, and bj motion)
I like short hair, ( here voice over comes on, continue bj)
peach fuzzed, tittie tottin’ cara de niño
The prettier the better
I’ll say it
Son mi cochinita pibil
Carne tierna y picosa.
Won’t I ever quit
Shed this skin
Step into the post pony-tail dyke
Post-drag king
Post-andro
Post-trans
Post post
Post Pomo
all I want is to step into my post-heroic masculinity
Stop suppressing mine to uphold others’
Does it make you feel good?
Does it heave your imaginary man pecks
to put me down? To walk around me like everything is cool
even though you didn’t play by the rules,
Then I’m down to let you
If you think you’re Top enough to top this.

Reflect what you see before you into words….

2. What kind of words and labels, if any, do you use to identify yourself?
Lesbian, jota, gender queer, gender fucker, papi, sub/slave, switch, Chicana, lesbiana, sinvergüenza

3. What do you wish you could tell your younger self about sex, sexuality, or gender? 

The void of not having female masculinity role models will haunt you like a missing limb. But don’t worry little one, one day you’ll figure out how to step into your/my post-heroic masculinity stop suppressing your’s/mine to uphold others’. You have to have lots of love and compassion for self and it will be returned ten-fold to you.

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Protected: This Is … It?

Posted on February 18, 2011 in omphaloskepsis | Enter your password to view comments.

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Happy Birthday, Shine! And Recommendations For the Best Queer Porn

Posted on February 18, 2011 in swag | 2 Comments

Purely for fun, and because a little birdie told me it’s Shine’s birthday today, here’s some of my favorite Crash Pad Series episodes.

I’ve said this before, but I can’t really stress enough that if you aren’t watching the Crash Pad Series you are missing out on the best porn out there, period. Not just in the queer porn category, but in the broader sense of the people-having-sex-on-camera world in general. In fact, I think even calling it “porn” turns some people off to what it is—I mean yes, it is sex on camera, but the word “porn” for most people who aren’t so versed in the huge variety of things that fall into that category calls to mind bleach-blonde silicone-implant girls and bow-chicka-wow-wow soundtrack and awkward movements and no actual plot.

Not that I think you necessarily need a plot, just that some sort of context or reason for these two people to be fucking on camera is kind of important, mostly because otherwise it looks so incredibly awkward to go from sitting next to each other on a couch to screaming orgasms.

And hey, what do you know, Shine took care of that with this simple premise of her series: The “crash pad” is a place where you can go and have sexy escapades with someone who’s already there or with the person you bring. Or, hell, by yourself (there are some solos available in the vast library). Just putting this one thing in place has meant that Shine (from her voyeuristic position of the secretly installed cameras in the crash pad) has completely bypassed the awkwardness of “plot” in 90% of porn.

You could even look at the Crash Pad Series as a cultural artifact: This is how queers are having sex in the 2000s and ’10s. This is authentic and real. This is what we like to do with each other, this is how we like to explore our bodies, our sensualities, our sensations, our energetic meridians, our love, our desires.

To paraphrase some conversations I’ve had with Barbara Carrellas, queers are more deeply in touch with this stuff. I’m not sure why (though I’m sure if Barbara and I sat down we would have some interesting theories to discuss), maybe it’s that we have to un-learn the biggest cultural assumption about sex (that we’ll sleep with the opposite sex) that we can more easily open up and explore other aspects of it, too.

We queers are damn good at fucking.

Maybe you’re one of those people who believes that there’s so much free porn out there, that you can’t afford to pay for it—which I understand, I have made that oath to myself in the past. But as I get older, and as the Internet gets older and as big business owns so much of the art that we all consume, I believe more and more in paying artists and supporting queer community ventures—not just by attending or promoting or sharing the cool things, but also with my dollars. Syd London and I were just talking last night about radical capitalism and how every one of our dollars is a vote, and every one of our votes adds up. It’s part of why I’m a vegetarian, it’s part of why I purchase albums from my favorite indie singer/songwriters (even though it’s inconvenient to sometimes have the iTunes restrictions on them) and go to their concerts.

If we support these artists, then they will be able to continue doing what they (we) do. Not just because we will be able to pay our bills, but also because we will feel like what we’re doing has a valuable place in the world, and specifically in these communities in which we run.

It’s like Jiz Lee has said: “The ONLY time I’ve felt exploited in porn is from people pirating my work.” Or like Tori Amos said (to me, actually, in direct answer to my question) once, “If I taste wine, and I like it, I’m not going to put the bottle in my purse, because I want them to continue making that wine.”

So I know $20 a month for a Crash Pad membership seems like a lot to pay for porn, but how much do you pay for your smart phone? Or your cable? Or the beers you have on the weekends? I’ve come to think it’s pretty important to put my money where my mouth is, as they say, and order artist’s work, to pay good money for art.

And this is really worth it. I promise. Give it a try for just one month and see what you think.

Shine has been documenting, directing, recording, and showing off the many, many ways we fuck and play and explore through the Crash Pad and other projects of hers, and I am ever glad she is part of this world and doing what she does. Happy birthday, Shine. Thank you for sharing your hard work with all of us!

On to some of my personal favorite episodes, the ones I go back to over and over.

Season 1 Episode 1, Starring Dylan Ryan & Trucker Cash: Still my very favorite. I love the fisting and Dylan’s outfit and mm everything. They were a real-life couple so the chemistry and connection is there.

Season 1 Episode 5, Starring Shawn (Syd Blakovich) & Rozen DeBowe: Because Rozen is one of my favorite porn crushes. Doesn’t seem like she’s doing much lately, but I do like going back to this one. Rozen mostly tops Syd in this one, lots of cock sucking and fucking.

Season 1 Episode 6, Starring Princess Donna & Jake: Dirty knife play in a kitchen, with ice and a blindfold. Sexy. Donna’s profile says she’s usually a top, but she does quite a nice job giving in here.

Season 3 Episode 21, Starring Princess Donna, Jake, & Lorelei Lee: Good threesome (and decidedly not awkward! I should take some tips from this one). They are all sexy and lots of hot play.

Season 4 Episode 24, Starring Ex & Muscle Beach: Long-time lovers, which is clear in their joyous smiles and giggling and sweetness toward each other. Lots of pain play, I’m inspired by Ex’s badass toppy-ness.

Season 5 Episode 33, Starring: Carson & Syd: Who are apparently lovers off-screen too. SO much chemistry. And Syd is so fucking badass. I love watching her top.

Season 5 Episode 35, Starring Mickey Mod & Syd: The Crash Pad’s first cis guy, and it is SO so queer. See Micky Mod also in Heavenly Spire.

Season 7 Episode 44, Starring Julie Warren & Kuma: Kuma is a leather daddy, Julie is femme, they’re a real couple and it’s clear. Knife play, stockings, garters, caning, flogging, cocksucking, and it’s SO sweet and tender and hot.

Season 12 Episode 83, Starring Tina Horn and Roger Wood We watched this as part of the Crash Pad Series Twitter #pornparty and it was my favorite of the night. These two are skilled at their play and it shows. Plus, three words: Tina Horn’s ass. Oh my god.

Season 13 Episode 89, Starring Hilt and Rusty Nails: Love the ripped up fishnets on Rusty, and I love the noises she makes. Hilt clearly knows what he’s doing.

Season 13 Episode 91 Starring: Arabelle Raphael and James: Arabelle speaks French and teaches James some naughty phrases. She leaves her stockings, garter, and shoes on. Pretty switchy scene, they go back and forth. Arabelle is so hot, I would watch any of her scenes.

I haven’t kept up with as many of the episodes after Season 8 or so—Clearly I need to catch up! And now that Kristen is working during the days, I’ll have a lot more time to do that. File under: things to do right before she comes home.

So I’ve told you about my favorites … What about you folks out there, do you have favorite episodes? Which have you seen? Do you have the DVDs, are there certain web episodes you go back to? Which ones am I missing? Which from Season 8 onward should I be sure to watch? Who’s your favorite Crash Pad “character”?

And hey, be sure to wish Shine a happy birthday, on Twitter or elsewhere.

2 Comments | Category: swag | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“I Want To Be Fearless”

Posted on February 18, 2011 in omphaloskepsis | 4 Comments

Ever since I got Ellis’s newest album Right On Time I’ve had it playing over and over. I like to listen to it at the gym (along with the Bryan Adams anthology) because I can crank it in the headphones and hear every word, every note. Somehow she has captured every emotional state that I’ve been going through lately on that album, and I’m continually surprised by her eloquent writing.

When I ordered Right On Time I got a note back from Ellis thanking me. I kind of assume she does this with everybody, though I can’t guarantee she’ll send you a note too, maybe she just happened to have some extra time on her hands right then. So I emailed her back and we corresponded a little, which is what led to her mini-interview on Butch Lab, which I’m so happy to have there. I’m keeping a watchful eye on her summer tour schedule—I hope she’ll be somewhere in the Northeast that I can easily attend.

I just ordered her Scrapbook 2-disc set which includes a DVD and an mp3 CD with her entire backlist (64 songs for $40!). I used to have a couple of her early albums, but I’m not sure what happened to them, they disappeared in one of my moves. I’m excited to hear the other albums, can’t wait to get to know all of those other songs of hers.

Here’s one from Right On Time that I’ve been obsessing over lately, listening to a lot and trying to keep in mind while things sometimes feel tumultuous.

(She adds another verse in this live version … “Let’s pretend we’re smaller than / the ants under the grass” but these lyrics are for the album version.)

Close to You
Ellis

let’s pretend we’re taller than
the highest part of everest
giants with a lions roar
but lighter than a bird
and we build upon our shoulders
buildings high into the sky
and we look out of our windows
wishing we could fly

I want to be close to you
to know how close we are
I want to be fearless
in the face of love
and not be afraid of falling apart

each day there’s a sunrise
beauty I can barely see
if I saw it all my heart would fill so full
I couldn’t breathe

I want to be close to you
to know how close we are
but I cover up my heart
afraid I am weakening
I have ways to escape when things get hard

here we are
this is
the way it is
the sun, the rain
how things are always
changing

let’s pretend we are at the end of our lives here
all our troubles that seemed so big
have all disappeared
when we are deep in the shadows
bringing light into the dark
I will reach for you till the end of me
when I can’t tell us apart

’cause I want to be close to you
to know how close we are
I want to be fearless
in the face of love
and not be afraid of falling
I’m falling apart

4 Comments | Category: omphaloskepsis | Tags: , , , , , ,

Raquel Gutierrez: Mini-Interview

Posted on February 18, 2011 in on butches | No Comments

Performer, writer, arts promoter in LA. myspace.com/butchlalis & raquefella.com

1. What is your relationship with the word or identity “butch?”

I love butch; it is onomatopoeic. You have to say it like you really mean it for it to register its true power. Being butch scared me, which obviously means I really wanted it. I’m in my mid-30s and these boots have finally been broken in just right. So, as I age, butch feels richer, more deserved than it did when I was a baby gay colliding blindly into language of identities and anarchy of desires. It was an arduous road getting here and it was worth it.

Is butch an insult? It has never been enough of an insult to warrant my having to comment on the banality of someone’s limited observation.

2. What kind of words and labels, if any, do you use to identify yourself?

Bilingual. Brown. Butch. Los Angeles. Napoleon Complex. Performance Writer. Pretty. Queer.

3. What do you wish you could tell your younger self about sex, sexuality, or gender?

Take it slow; subvert the scarcity model of relationalities; feel emboldened to ask partners a fuck ton of questions before having sex; lovingly challenge mentors out of their uncritical machismo even if it means risking invalidation; find, create and nurture a radical gender genealogy; believe what people tell you about themselves; take extra doses of vitamin Compassion; and to state my truth like my life depended on it.

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