Archive for February, 2011
Butch says it as no other label can. Butches, for the most part, present tough and perform tender. I love the word Butch as it well characterizes the stuff of Butch.Read More
"Butch is a word that helps me speak proudly about a very important aspect of myself. I love that it enables me to embrace so many of my unique and special qualities in a celebratory way and to connect with others who are interested in dialogue about gender difference in society (especially other butches, and the girls who "get" me). "Read More
“The It’s all Butch calendar came about from a blog on myspace a friend of mine did about Butch women from the L word and how sexy they were. I thought to myself that most of the women on the L word were not lesbians so I decided to create a venue that showed that Butch Lesbian women could be just as sexy as the femme women. The idea was to create a diverse array of Butch women. In 2010 Maria is 68 yrs old and was a professional roller derby gal in the 70s. In 2011 Torie is 17 yrs old. There are thin Butches, big Daddy Butches, and FTM [folks].”
She sent on some shots to show off here.
More information is available at cabelgalshideout.com, including bios and personal profiles of the models.
WARNING: This story contains Daddy/girl play (and dirty talk). Read Part I.
She is a bad girl.
There is very specific protocol if she wants me to fuck her. She is supposed to ask for it, nicely. If she’s embarrassed, she is to sit on my lap and tell me she has a secret.
She wants it, all the time. She is the first girl I’ve dated seriously who has a higher sex drive than I do.
I want her to own her desires. To know there’s nothing wrong or shameful about wanting to be fucked, to be opened, to be taken. But sometimes, she can’t. She forgets she’s supposed to ask, and instead drops hints and tries to turn me on, to entice me. Sometimes, this frustrates me. Sometimes, it becomes a game, reminding her she is a bad girl for wanting it and not being able to tell me.
This is what happens.
I sit on the couch reading a book and drinking tea after the dinner she made. For me. She finishes the dishes, brings her book out too, sits next to me. She doesn’t look at me as she finds the place marked by a small piece of paper and starts reading. I’m not paying attention; she’s watching me from the corner of her eye. Her legs stir, she shifts position, pull them underneath her as she inches closer to me.
I turn a page. She turns her eyes to the pages of her book, moves them along the words, not reading. She’s tried to get my attention all through dinner. Touched her foot to my ankle under the table. Gazed at me, lusty and devourous. Touched my hand and forearm, leaned across the table to display her breasts. Kept her thighs apart. Crossed them, rubbed her legs together.
She gets frustrated that I’m not paying attention. Starts pouting a little. She sighs, audibly.
I ignore her.
We read a while. I’m deeply involved in the middle of this book, and besides, didn’t she just get fucked this morning? I am impatient with this seduction routine, it makes me feel anxious, itchy. And simultaneously, something dark in me growls from down low.
I finish my tea, put my book down, and get up to brush my teeth. When I emerge, she watches me from the couch, waiting for some cue from me, and almost rolls her eyes when I give her none. She sets her book down on the coffee table a little harder than necessary and gets up to brush her teeth, wash her face, prepare for bed.
We cross next to each other in the hallway and I slam her up against the wall, face first. She whimpers, gasps. Breathes in.
“Is this what you wanted?” I grip her arm and twist it behind her, my mouth close to her cheek. Read More
I’m off tomorrow to Boston for two workshops—Cock Confidence and Afternoon Delight—until Wednesday, then Friday I’m heading upstate to Syracuse, New York, to do a Radical Masculinity workshop.
I’ve been updating the details in that “What’s Happening in February” post that’s been at the top of the Sugarbutch feed since earlier this month … Has that been useful for you folks, or do you find it annoying? It’s a new thing I’m trying.
Hope you can join me at one of these workshops! Here’s the details:
Cock Confidence: Strap-On 101 Workshop at Good Vibes in Boston
Tuesday, February 22nd, 8pm
Good Vibrations, 308A Harvard Street in Brookline, MA
Many of us have experience with strapping on, packing, and playing, but there are lots of new products out there on the market that might be exciting and that you haven’t encountered yet. Plus, she’ll delve into some cock confidence, getting into the psychology of penetration, and discussing what it’s like to shoot from the hip.
(Thanks to Syd London for the great photo!)
Afternoon Delight: A workshop on sex toys and getting what you want in bed at Harvard in Boston
Wednesday, February 23nd
Ticknor Lounge in Boylston Hall (right by Mass Ave)
Harvard, Boston, MA
Produced by Girlspot, the queer women’s group at Harvard. We’ll explore how to turn up the heat on our sex lives, what gender expression and performance has to do with sexuality, and all the fun tools we can use in the bedroom—from vibrators to strap ons to butt toys to light bondage and sensation. Includes a sex toy giveaway! Open to the public.
Radical & Responsible Gender Masculinity, Misogyny, and Feminisms at Syracuse, NY
Academics break down and deconstruct gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively?” How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? How can queer communities and spaces be improved by gender reflection? Open to the public; RSVP to Lauren Hannahs at email@example.com
"Butch is word that I’ve grown to embrace, I love being butch but sometimes I hate the baggage, mostly expectations and misconceptions others, friends and foes, impose on me because my gender presentation is butch."Read More
Purely for fun, and because a little birdie told me it’s Shine’s birthday today, here’s some of my favorite Crash Pad Series episodes.
I’ve said this before, but I can’t really stress enough that if you aren’t watching the Crash Pad Series you are missing out on the best porn out there, period. Not just in the queer porn category, but in the broader sense of the people-having-sex-on-camera world in general. In fact, I think even calling it “porn” turns some people off to what it is—I mean yes, it is sex on camera, but the word “porn” for most people who aren’t so versed in the huge variety of things that fall into that category calls to mind bleach-blonde silicone-implant girls and bow-chicka-wow-wow soundtrack and awkward movements and no actual plot.
Not that I think you necessarily need a plot, just that some sort of context or reason for these two people to be fucking on camera is kind of important, mostly because otherwise it looks so incredibly awkward to go from sitting next to each other on a couch to screaming orgasms.
And hey, what do you know, Shine took care of that with this simple premise of her series: The “crash pad” is a place where you can go and have sexy escapades with someone who’s already there or with the person you bring. Or, hell, by yourself (there are some solos available in the vast library). Just putting this one thing in place has meant that Shine (from her voyeuristic position of the secretly installed cameras in the crash pad) has completely bypassed the awkwardness of “plot” in 90% of porn.
You could even look at the Crash Pad Series as a cultural artifact: This is how queers are having sex in the 2000s and ’10s. This is authentic and real. This is what we like to do with each other, this is how we like to explore our bodies, our sensualities, our sensations, our energetic meridians, our love, our desires.
To paraphrase some conversations I’ve had with Barbara Carrellas, queers are more deeply in touch with this stuff. I’m not sure why (though I’m sure if Barbara and I sat down we would have some interesting theories to discuss), maybe it’s that we have to un-learn the biggest cultural assumption about sex (that we’ll sleep with the opposite sex) that we can more easily open up and explore other aspects of it, too.
We queers are damn good at fucking.
Maybe you’re one of those people who believes that there’s so much free porn out there, that you can’t afford to pay for it—which I understand, I have made that oath to myself in the past. But as I get older, and as the Internet gets older and as big business owns so much of the art that we all consume, I believe more and more in paying artists and supporting queer community ventures—not just by attending or promoting or sharing the cool things, but also with my dollars. Syd London and I were just talking last night about radical capitalism and how every one of our dollars is a vote, and every one of our votes adds up. It’s part of why I’m a vegetarian, it’s part of why I purchase albums from my favorite indie singer/songwriters (even though it’s inconvenient to sometimes have the iTunes restrictions on them) and go to their concerts.
If we support these artists, then they will be able to continue doing what they (we) do. Not just because we will be able to pay our bills, but also because we will feel like what we’re doing has a valuable place in the world, and specifically in these communities in which we run.
It’s like Jiz Lee has said: “The ONLY time I’ve felt exploited in porn is from people pirating my work.” Or like Tori Amos said (to me, actually, in direct answer to my question) once, “If I taste wine, and I like it, I’m not going to put the bottle in my purse, because I want them to continue making that wine.”
So I know $20 a month for a Crash Pad membership seems like a lot to pay for porn, but how much do you pay for your smart phone? Or your cable? Or the beers you have on the weekends? I’ve come to think it’s pretty important to put my money where my mouth is, as they say, and order artist’s work, to pay good money for art.
And this is really worth it. I promise. Give it a try for just one month and see what you think.
Shine has been documenting, directing, recording, and showing off the many, many ways we fuck and play and explore through the Crash Pad and other projects of hers, and I am ever glad she is part of this world and doing what she does. Happy birthday, Shine. Thank you for sharing your hard work with all of us!
On to some of my personal favorite episodes, the ones I go back to over and over.
Season 1 Episode 1, Starring Dylan Ryan & Trucker Cash: Still my very favorite. I love the fisting and Dylan’s outfit and mm everything. They were a real-life couple so the chemistry and connection is there.
Season 1 Episode 5, Starring Shawn (Syd Blakovich) & Rozen DeBowe: Because Rozen is one of my favorite porn crushes. Doesn’t seem like she’s doing much lately, but I do like going back to this one. Rozen mostly tops Syd in this one, lots of cock sucking and fucking.
Season 1 Episode 6, Starring Princess Donna & Jake: Dirty knife play in a kitchen, with ice and a blindfold. Sexy. Donna’s profile says she’s usually a top, but she does quite a nice job giving in here.
Season 3 Episode 21, Starring Princess Donna, Jake, & Lorelei Lee: Good threesome (and decidedly not awkward! I should take some tips from this one). They are all sexy and lots of hot play.
Season 4 Episode 24, Starring Ex & Muscle Beach: Long-time lovers, which is clear in their joyous smiles and giggling and sweetness toward each other. Lots of pain play, I’m inspired by Ex’s badass toppy-ness.
Season 5 Episode 33, Starring: Carson & Syd: Who are apparently lovers off-screen too. SO much chemistry. And Syd is so fucking badass. I love watching her top.
Season 5 Episode 35, Starring Mickey Mod & Syd: The Crash Pad’s first cis guy, and it is SO so queer. See Micky Mod also in Heavenly Spire.
Season 7 Episode 44, Starring Julie Warren & Kuma: Kuma is a leather daddy, Julie is femme, they’re a real couple and it’s clear. Knife play, stockings, garters, caning, flogging, cocksucking, and it’s SO sweet and tender and hot.
Season 12 Episode 83, Starring Tina Horn and Roger Wood We watched this as part of the Crash Pad Series Twitter #pornparty and it was my favorite of the night. These two are skilled at their play and it shows. Plus, three words: Tina Horn’s ass. Oh my god.
Season 13 Episode 89, Starring Hilt and Rusty Nails: Love the ripped up fishnets on Rusty, and I love the noises she makes. Hilt clearly knows what he’s doing.
Season 13 Episode 91 Starring: Arabelle Raphael and James: Arabelle speaks French and teaches James some naughty phrases. She leaves her stockings, garter, and shoes on. Pretty switchy scene, they go back and forth. Arabelle is so hot, I would watch any of her scenes.
I haven’t kept up with as many of the episodes after Season 8 or so—Clearly I need to catch up! And now that Kristen is working during the days, I’ll have a lot more time to do that. File under: things to do right before she comes home.
So I’ve told you about my favorites … What about you folks out there, do you have favorite episodes? Which have you seen? Do you have the DVDs, are there certain web episodes you go back to? Which ones am I missing? Which from Season 8 onward should I be sure to watch? Who’s your favorite Crash Pad “character”?
And hey, be sure to wish Shine a happy birthday, on Twitter or elsewhere.
Ever since I got Ellis’s newest album Right On Time I’ve had it playing over and over. I like to listen to it at the gym (along with the Bryan Adams anthology) because I can crank it in the headphones and hear every word, every note. Somehow she has captured every emotional state that I’ve been going through lately on that album, and I’m continually surprised by her eloquent writing.
When I ordered Right On Time I got a note back from Ellis thanking me. I kind of assume she does this with everybody, though I can’t guarantee she’ll send you a note too, maybe she just happened to have some extra time on her hands right then. So I emailed her back and we corresponded a little, which is what led to her mini-interview on Butch Lab, which I’m so happy to have there. I’m keeping a watchful eye on her summer tour schedule—I hope she’ll be somewhere in the Northeast that I can easily attend.
I just ordered her Scrapbook 2-disc set which includes a DVD and an mp3 CD with her entire backlist (64 songs for $40!). I used to have a couple of her early albums, but I’m not sure what happened to them, they disappeared in one of my moves. I’m excited to hear the other albums, can’t wait to get to know all of those other songs of hers.
Here’s one from Right On Time that I’ve been obsessing over lately, listening to a lot and trying to keep in mind while things sometimes feel tumultuous.
(She adds another verse in this live version … “Let’s pretend we’re smaller than / the ants under the grass” but these lyrics are for the album version.)
Close to You
let’s pretend we’re taller than
the highest part of everest
giants with a lions roar
but lighter than a bird
and we build upon our shoulders
buildings high into the sky
and we look out of our windows
wishing we could fly
I want to be close to you
to know how close we are
I want to be fearless
in the face of love
and not be afraid of falling apart
each day there’s a sunrise
beauty I can barely see
if I saw it all my heart would fill so full
I couldn’t breathe
I want to be close to you
to know how close we are
but I cover up my heart
afraid I am weakening
I have ways to escape when things get hard
here we are
the way it is
the sun, the rain
how things are always
let’s pretend we are at the end of our lives here
all our troubles that seemed so big
have all disappeared
when we are deep in the shadows
bringing light into the dark
I will reach for you till the end of me
when I can’t tell us apart
’cause I want to be close to you
to know how close we are
I want to be fearless
in the face of love
and not be afraid of falling
I’m falling apart
1. What is your relationship with the word or identity “butch?”
I love butch; it is onomatopoeic. You have to say it like you really mean it for it to register its true power. Being butch scared me, which obviously means I really wanted it. I’m in my mid-30s and these boots have finally been broken in just right. So, as I age, butch feels richer, more deserved than it did when I was a baby gay colliding blindly into language of identities and anarchy of desires. It was an arduous road getting here and it was worth it.
Is butch an insult? It has never been enough of an insult to warrant my having to comment on the banality of someone’s limited observation.
2. What kind of words and labels, if any, do you use to identify yourself?
Bilingual. Brown. Butch. Los Angeles. Napoleon Complex. Performance Writer. Pretty. Queer.
3. What do you wish you could tell your younger self about sex, sexuality, or gender?
Take it slow; subvert the scarcity model of relationalities; feel emboldened to ask partners a fuck ton of questions before having sex; lovingly challenge mentors out of their uncritical machismo even if it means risking invalidation; find, create and nurture a radical gender genealogy; believe what people tell you about themselves; take extra doses of vitamin Compassion; and to state my truth like my life depended on it.