Consuming Porn of Other Orientations

July 1, 2010  |  advice

From the Ask Me Anything questions from Sugarbutch’s 4th anniversary:

My question is more on the philosophical/political side of things.

Do you feel that, as I am a male, it is exploitative for me to enjoy queer porn so much?

Porn is filled with many different dynamics, and it is within it’s nature to exploit the ‘exoticism’ of anyone who appears in it. We’ve seen this a thousand times, especially with Asian-American women ( forced to play up an exaggerated stereotype in order to get work ), and I wonder if I myself am guilty of such a thing. Queer porn is this amazing, foreign thing to me. I love it dearly. And I understand that, as far as the exploitation from the production side goes, it is nearly nonexistant, but I worry.

I’m always on the road to improving myself and trying to further myself from the patriarchy, and this question has kind of been tickling my brain as of late.

And, since we’re on the subject: Favorite porn star? Like, if you’re given the chance to have one night of just no holds barred fuck, who are you choosing?—Erudite Hayseed, Confessions of a Southern-Fried Kinkster

I think only you can answer whether you’re being exploitive by enjoying queer porn. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying porn where the people in it are an orientation or sexuality or gender identity that you are not—I have watched my fair share of gay male porn, and I don’t think that makes me exploitive of them or their sexualities at all.

I think the exploitation comes in perhaps about how you interact or react or treat queers outside of consuming our porn. If you look at queer people and see nothing but our sexualities, that might be a bit of a problem. If someone was consuming queer porn in secret and feeling guilty and gay-bashing, uh yeah, that’s a problem. But paired with some understanding of queer culture or history or struggle, and as an ally of this movement, I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about watching the kind of porn they like to watch.

Being the analytical & processing person that I am, I would probably ask myself what it is about this kind of porn that is so appealing. Other folks in the kink community might disagree with me about this—some people say we just like what we like and do not need to come up with an explanation for it, and in fact should not examine it too hard, nor ask others to explain the ‘source’ of where their desires come from. Plenty of desires don’t have a ‘source,’ so perhaps that’s a worthless pursuit, regardless. But when it comes to really loaded play, or the consumption of certain types of porn, like for example, as mentioned above, exclusively watching Asian-American women in porn, I think it’s probably worth asking the question of why. Why is this something that I am consuming? What do I get out of this? What am I projecting? Someone may uncover the racial assumptions or associations they are making, which may be good to untangle.

This could also be true of consuming queer porn, or porn of other orientations. Perhaps a queer person always consumes straight porn because they have some hang-ups about their own sexuality. Perhaps a lesbian always consumes gay male porn because gay male porn tends to depict no-strings-attached fucking, and this lesbian has experienced lesbian sex as too emotional and not hot and lusty enough. These are untrue assumptions, however; they are based in stereotypes, and though they may be

I don’t know if I want to speculate on what a straight cis male consuming queer porn could mean. I do know plenty of “lesbian” porn is geared toward straight men, and often those porns are pretty gross, in my opinion, and I could take a few guesses at what the straight men who consume that type of porn are looking for. But I’m not sure what a straight, kinky, cis guy consuming the recent smart queer porn means … aside from that that is some of the very best porn available, in my opinion. Don’t discount the possibility of the answer being “nothing,” too—it might just be what you enjoy, and that’s fine.

Also, take a look, if you don’t already, at Jack Stratton’s Writing Dirty, since he’s a mostly-straight kinky cis guy who does occupy some space in the queer worlds, and does it quite well, and respectfully, in my opinion. (Besides, his writing is just good, and hot.)

And to answer your second question …

That’s a tough one. Madison Young, Dylan Ryan, Carson, and Joline Parton all come to mind. How could I choose between them? Carson is pretty damn toppy, so probably I’d rather chose someone who is a bottom. Dylan is quickly becoming a friend of mine, and after a certain point, fucking a friend is kind of weird for me. So that leaves two beautiful, curvy redheads, Madison & Joline. Madison would probably be incredibly intimidating, since she’s so experienced and so into pain, so I might go with Joline, she seems a little more shy, and I like that. It seems like she’d be great to throw around, she’s got great curves, great legs, and that cute mouth. Okay, final answer.

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6 Comments


  1. Not to jump in here with an unsolicited opinion or two, but porn is typically produced with the intent of being viewed and appreciated by others–typically in a titillating sense. It's impossible for that use to be exploiting, given that was their will!

    If, however, a video is being shown against that intent, instead to portray stereotypes in a negative light, such that the viewer is not sexually gratified but instead turned off, with the objective for them to treat the subjects of the film in a negative fashion in the future, then THAT would be exploitative imo.

    Knowing some performers (not in the adult industry), they desire an audience member to come away from a show having been impacted, not necessarily with any specific artistic intent or goal. In fact a specific show had a deep dark message hidden beneath a party/rave atmosphere, the performers were more interested that we had a blast and were entertained for all the energy they invested.

    I do have one quibble however, suggesting anything is "our porn". IMO segregating things like that only serves to create differences. I saw this a lot when I was dating a woman of color. Everyone else would include her, but she approached interactions and framed them as "us versus them", instead of "all of us together". That nuance created contention where otherwise there would have been none.

    So I'm sorry, my queerness is limited to a relatively small degree compared to others, but it's not "your porn" or "my porn" or "our porn" to me. If you enjoy it, knock your socks off! ;-)

  2. I realize I am a little odd in my porn choices in that some of it I watch for prurient reasons and some I just watch because it's damn interesting. I would say my queer porn watching may have started at the latter and shifted into the former.

    Most of Pink and White's stuff, especially the Crash Pad series is super hot. Courtney Trouble's stuff is insanely hot. I think this also has to do with the fact that queer porn tends to attract people with the attitudes and body types I am more attracted to. I've been longing to find straight porn that has such badass women.

    That being said, Abby Winters, which I think we can consider lesbian and solo porn marketed to men, is also some of my favorite stuff to watch. It's just pretty Aussie girls rolling around and moaning and that's just damn fun. Also I go for some gay porn (if it's pretty) and I am constantly searching for the unicorn that is bi-male porn.

    I don't think there is a huge jump either politically or emotionally in watching porn that is outside of your orientation. I may be bias because my orientation is a bit wider, but I know a lot of straight girls who watch lesbian porn and a lot of straight guys who like TG porn.

    I think "queer porn" is still porn and hot with or without the political motivations. Furry Girl's post on Feministing about labels that miss the point, like "feminist porn" vs "ethical porn" say a lot about how we look and name the things that turn us on. http://bit.ly/9BU2c4

    Thanks for the props, Mister S.

  3. I am a lesbian and I like gay male porn, i think because it portrays men losing power and being fucked. You rarely see that dynamic in queer female porn (by which i mean: the more masculine woman being fucked, not being in control) & that is who I am and what I want.

  4. I do want to thank you for getting to this, between your words and some self-analysis over at my blog I feel like I've come to a conclusion.

    Porn is, when properly produced and executed, hot as hell. And the fact of the matter is, Queer Porn is still a relatively new industry. It hasnt had a chance to stagnate yet, and therefore most of the content being produced is basically folks working at the top of their game, because in order to establish a foothold in such a sexist, boy's club atmosphere you kind of have to work really hard at it.

    Is me watching exploitative? No, not really. I think the exoticism of it is a definite factor, and I dont think I can really change that too much. But it's also very well-produced, the stars are smoking hot, and it's such an amazing change of pace from the normally straight-male oriented lesbian porn that is produced, which I pretty well despise in most cases.

    In fact, I may be overthinking all of it a little too much. Certain people are turned on by certain things–I figure authenticity is probably one of mine, at least when it comes to pornography. As a very wise friend once said, "You cant spend every day worrying about how every little thing you do affects your stance in the world, or else you'll just end up in your room crying." So I'll take it one step at a time. This was one of those steps, and I thank everyone for their time.

  5. :meep:!

    Can I put in a vote for not necessarily or evenly easily associating the words "male" with not queer & cisgendered? For not so easily pairing the words lesbian with queer especially in relationship to sex?

    Like…essentially a vote for making all of this thinking as hard as any kind of porn makes any of us? Cause I don't care what gets you off, but if it turns you on and provokes you be thinking harder about it, please…And then do whatever needs to be done in your own sock drawer.

    "Male" cannot be used as de facto safe word that separates us out from queer…."lesbian" does not safe word us in. I'm not trying to say who anyone in this thread "is…" I just want to hold ground for those of us trying to fight off assumptions about who we are "not." Way too fucking slippery. In a bad way.

    And then I'd like to add another vote for curvy red heads who are both shy and overly into pain. :)

    On this fourth of July can I be audacious enough to hope for fewer hanging chads in 2010?

    Yes I Can! <3

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