Archive for May, 2009
Sugarbutch Chronicles has two different mailing lists, and one way to get the password to the protected posts. Since I’ve had a few more password posts than usual lately, I’ve had some folks asking, so it’s about time to put up a new explanation.
1. The Newsletter
The newsletter is the once-a-month mailing list where I send out announcements about the site, special offers (sometimes I have passwords or offer codes from some Sugarbutch sponsors), and general updates. Email me – aspiringstud[at]gmail.com – to get on this mailing list, or leave a comment with your valid email address in the comments of this post.
2. Sugarbutch Daily to your email inbox
If you aren’t really a “blog person,” if you don’t read half the internet every day (like I do), if you don’t subscribe to RSS feeds and spend a lot of your time on the web, but you still love reading Sugarbutch, you might want to consider subscribing via email.
Entering your email address in below will send you ONE email per day with the text of all the posts that have been published that day. If there are no posts, you won’t get an email.
3. Password protected posts
The password protected posts tend to be more personal, often musings about my own self-awareness, emotional processes, or the details of my relationships, which often feel vulnerable in a way that writing about sex does not (I know, weird, but that’s how it is). (Sometimes they are very smutty, dirty stories, with kinks or explorations that are dark and difficult to reveal – so it’s not all omphaloskepsis, there is some sex stuff too, sometimes.) Leave a comment in this thread with a valid email address and a link to your blog, your myspace, your facebook, or some other way to verify that you are a real person. If you ask for the password, I’ll also add you to The Newsletter mailing list.
“Queer Eye Candy is the on-line family photo album for the queer community.” – Geek Porn Girl
“As a straight woman I do not expect to identify with pictures of lesbians right away, but I do, because love is love, laughter is laughter, and happiness is all the same. Thank you for helping me to see this in a new light.” – Kelly
“After being featured in Queer Eye Candy as a femme, and reading all the comments, it made me feel like it was OK to be feminine again.” – Em the Femme
Queer Eye Candy – www.queereyecandy.com – is a community website dedicated to showcasing visual representations of butches, femmes, and all sorts of other queers. We as genderqueers know what it’s like to be out in the world and treated strangely, questioned (“Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?” “What are you doing, this is the ladies room!” “Don’t you know it’s dyke night, honey?”), or constantly stared at as we navigate through our days. We know what it’s like to feel outcast because of the way we look. But what if more people were more used to seeing us, in the wide variety of representation? What if the thousands of ways that butch and femme are reclaimed and performed were collected, so we could see how much variety exists within these identities?
And so, our mission of visibility was born.
With weekly features such as Wednesday Butch Hump Day, Date Night Thursday, and Femme Friday, Queer Eye Candy showcases all sorts of representation of and from our communities.
But we can’t do it without your participation! Here’s the part where we ask you to send in fabulous photos of yourself, your lover(s), your friends, your family. You do not need to identify as butch or femme to participate, though the project does focus on butches and femmes.
Submit your high quality, work-safe photographs to [email protected] and go to http://www.queereyecandy.com/submit/ for further information about sending us your photograph. You can also submit photos through the Flickr group at http://www.flickr.com/groups/queereyecandy.
We hope to see your smilin’ face on the site.
Please reprint this call for images on your blog or message board or community or via your email list! And here are some new buttons you can use to link to Queer Eye Candy in any way you wish.
The 2009 AfterEllen Hot 100 list was announced on May 11th – it’s “the sexiest women according to women” (as opposed to other hot lists, which are picked by men). I kinda enjoy this list, I’ve followed AE’s lists in the past few years, but this year especially I looked through it thinking, where are all the butches?
Seriously, in this, 2009, The Year Of Dr. Rachel Maddow’s Serious Badassness, there are only … what, 6? (at best) genderqueer, andro, or masculine women included in the list of 100 hot women.
This year, unlike other years, AE also put out some supplemental lists of Out Women, Women of Color, and Women Over 40. Aw, isn’t that nice – they’re at least recognizing that this Hot 100 Chosen By Women List is completely lacking in women who are publically out, not white, and not young. And yet … still no acknowledgment that, according to this list, sexy women are feminine.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from running Sugarbutch for three years, it’s that there are a whole lot of y’all out there who think butches and genderqueerness and masculinity on women is hot.
So, let me introduce to you: the 2009 Sugarbutch Top Hot Butches list.
Here’s how it’s going to work:
- Leave a comment nominating a genderqueer, andro, masculine, or butch woman who did something awesome in 2009 (or late 2008). Like the other top hot lists, this list will lean more toward celebrities and folks who are somehow in the public sphere. Linking to a hot photo of her or to an article about her would be a bonus. NOTE: these women do not have to identify as butch, but should be at least somewhat masculine, androgynous, or genderqueer in appearance. It would be best if she was out, but that won’t ban her from the list.
- A panel of judges will determine the order of hotness. (I know, other hot lists are chosen by voting, but I am not able to compile and coordinate and count votes, so this is the best way to do it.) The panel will include a couple self-identified butches, some femmes who love butches, and a few genderqueer folks who love butches too. I’ll announce the judges soon. The list will be judged by sexiness primarily, but other factors include: impact on society, major accomplishments, queer community work, etc. If you’ve got other suggestions for how we should determine a) who should be on this list or b) how we should determine the order, leave that in the comments too.
- The list will be posted on Sugarbutch in June for all your swooning butch-love attention.
So, tell me – who are the hottest butches in 2009?
First, I have to confess, I have completely misplaced the Crash Pad #4 DVD that Blowfish sent me. I keep thinking it’ll show up, but I’ve cleaned my room and I am generally pretty darn organized – I just have no idea where it went.
And then I saw the the announcement that Crash Pad 4 is officially out and available on the Blowfish Blog and thought, aw shit. Better get moving on that review.
Here’s a scene-by-scene recap, with a couple thoughts:
- Brooklyn Flaco and Carson. Both are genderqueer and boyish, though when Carson’s hair comes down she starts looking more feminine and I really liked that (obviously, my bias shows through here). Lots of I-do-you-you-do-me switching (or, your-turn-my-turn sex, as another friend says), using their hands with no cocks or toys. I was getting into it when Brooklyn starts fucking Carson at the end, but then Carson doesn’t really come – or, if she did, it was kind of imperceptible. I was expecting a big finish. Their scene was too quiet – where’s the dirty talk? Where’s the noise? Where’s anything aside from heavy breathing?
- Jiz Lee and Dallas. Both genderqueer and boyish, with a big bag of toys to share. They are clearly into each other and having a great time. I think Dallas is freakin hot – especially when she’s toppy – and the whole scene is really playful. Jiz gets fisted [which I believe you can't show in a DVD, so the online episode is probably a bit more explicit than what you'd see if you purchased it] and squirts, which I always like to see.
- Toppy Sadie Lune and sub Tricksie Treat. They enter into the scene with some roleplay which felt awkward and forced, but I did like how Tricksie submitted, later. We skipped through most of this one, it was awkward and actually kind of hard to watch.
- Butch Cash and femmey Stella. Cash is in a button-down and tie (hot!), Stella’s hipster hair was distracting. Stella straps on and fucks Cash for a while, and Kristen’s favorite part was when Stella’s fingers were in Cash and Cash jacks off, and comes hard. It’s actually kind of rare to see a butch getting off in porn, and I have a feeling Kristen will go back to this scene for that part especially. I found myself getting kind of uncomfortable a few times – is that what I look like? I look like that, don’t I? – feeling exposed, but also a little fascinated with the ways that masculinity plays on a female body. The scene closes with doggy-style fucking – this time Cash is strapped on – and Stella comes hard, and hot. I’ll watch this one again.
- Top Ex and sub Muscle Beach. MB is very boyish and fucking adorable – I will definitely look her up and watch more scenes. Ex is a badass top, very impressive and clearly very skilled; she’s got this long hippie hair, round body, and nice smile, which made me think she was going to be a sweet and kind of motherly top, but she was a badass daddy type and her confidence and expeirence as a dom were mesmerizing. It
seems obvious that she and MB haven’t played together (much? at all?) before, were surprising each other a little bit, butturns out I’m WAY wrong about this – according to their bios on Crashpadseries.com, they are long-time lovers! It’s definitely clear that they had a repor, laughing, playful, having a great time together. Ex does some ropework, some humiliation (ashing her cigarette into MB’s mouth? Ew), and orders some bootlicking … she gets her cock out and Kristen exclaimed, “well, that looks familiar!” Indeed it was the same one I was wearing, occasionally groping, as we’d moved from the kitchen with our pancakes to the bed to watch the final few episodes. I’d watch more with Ex, I think she’s got a few more scenes on Crashpadseries.com if I remember correctly.
Overall: the sex is skilled, the chemistry is hot, the depictions of queerness are real and varied. I will probably watch the butch/femme scene again, but generally this isn’t one of the DVDs I’ll watch over and over. Of course, I have a particular bias toward the butch/femme dichotomy, so generally that’s a prerequisite for scenes that I watch again and again.
One of the questions Kristen and I kept kicking around was, where are all the butch/femme couples in porn? I mean, I know it’s all passe to be pro-labels and into the butch/femme dynamic, but there seem to be a real lack there. There’s a lot of genderqueer folks fucking other genderqueer folks, there’s quite few femmes … but where’s the butch/femme? If you’ve got recommendations, let me know.
While I’m talking about it, here’s a note about Crashpadseries.com: I put off getting an actual membership for a long time – long after I’d seen the DVDs, long after I’d watched the trailers and freebies on the site (over and over and over). I mean, the internet is for porn, right? I have this general philosophy that I just don’t pay for porn on the internet, that I don’t subscribe to websites.
But damn if I wasn’t missing out. Now that I have a full membership, I really wonder what took me so long – and I kick myself a little for not getting the membership sooner.
This is the best porn out there, people. If you’re willing to spend $35 on a DVD like this one - and you should! because it’s amazing – consider spending $35 on a month-long membership to Crashpadseries.com and trying it out. You won’t be disappointed, I guarantee.
I’m a week late on this news (but what can I say, this isn’t a news blog): Cynthia Nixon announced last week at the New York City Action=Marriage Equality rally that she and her girlfriend, Christine Marinoni, are engaged.
After hearing this, I did some searching for some photos of the couple, because, well, they’re butch/femme! (At least in adjective, if not in identity.) And they are so fucking cute together! I get touched in a different way when I see dykes who have gender that is similar to mine … I just recognize them and it really makes me happy.
It got me thinking a little bit about the celebrity world, and why it isn’t a bigger deal that Cynthia Nixon is gay – she’s a major star of Sex & the City! The film only came out last year, it should still be relevant. Reminds me that the 2009 After Ellen Hot 100 list just came out, and I was frustrated that there aren’t more a) butches or genderqueer folks (I count 5), and b) women who are actually out and queer, instead of women whose characters are gay on tv. I know this is kind of another topic, and I’ll follow up on this later (eventually).
Congratulations on the engagement, I wish you two the best.
The “unthought known” is a phrase that I first heard through my therapist, when we were talking about trauma and memory specifically. But immediately, I recognized it as extremely useful to identity development, especially in that many of us feel that we’ve always been this way (whatever way “this” might be – queer, kinky, gendered), but never really knew that we were.
That’s basically the definition – something you’ve always known but have never thought about, have never really known that you know.
I remember going through these realizations multiple times as I developed a feminist identity, then a queer sexuality, then a butch gender. As soon as I had those moments which really “clicked,” I was almost confused as to why I hadn’t gotten to this sooner. It was so familiar on a cellular, deep-gut level, and yet it was never how I’d been previously.
One of my former writing mentors used to say, art is a way to get to know what you don’t know that you already know, and I think that’s related – or, maybe more specifically, art is one of the techniques that we can use in order to get the unthought known to become the thought known, as sometimes the creative process can take us to new places and uncover connections to things that are already inside of us, but that are not quite conscious.
I did some research online trying to find more references to it, and there is not a whole lot. It’s a psychology term that was coined in 1987. I did find one interesting essay – Embeddedness, Reflection, Mindfulness and the Unthought Known by Michael Robbins – which is worth reading. Only 4 pages, and it discusses some very interesting concepts related to the unthought known and mindfulness.
What then is the “unthought known”? Christopher Bollas first coined this provocative phrase in 1987 (Bollas, 1987). Basically it refers to what we “know” but for a variety of reasons may not be able to think about, have “forgotten”, “act out”, or have an “intuitive sense for” but cannot yet put into words. In psychoanalytic terms, it refers to the boundary between the “unconscious” and the “conscious” mind, i.e. the “preconscious mind.” In systems-centered terms, it refers to the boundary between what we know apprehensively, without words, and what we know, or will allow ourselves to know, comprehensively with words. (In many ways, although the methods are very different, the psychoanalytic goal of “making the unconscious conscious” is equivalent to the systems-centered goal of making the boundary permeable between apprehensive and comprehensive knowledge.) [... W]e conceptualize the unthought known as what we already know but don’t yet know that we know.
I find it really useful to think about in terms of gender and sexuality, since so much of those identity concepts are deeply, deeply embedded but often completely subconscious. What do you think? Are there particular things in your life that have been “unthought knowns”? How did you get them to be thought knowns? What was your identity development process around them?
Today is Kristen’s 26th birthday! She’s planning a very elaborate 5-course meal for some of her favorite people this weekend (she is quite the top in the kitchen, remember) and I get to play bartender, so I spent some time researching the appropriate wine pairings. The signature cocktail of the evening will be a dirty slut birthday girl gimlet. (It was a dirty dirty dirty martini, but since the cocktail hour is coming after dinner and before dessert, we decided the extra-spicy olives and pickles she likes in her martinis wouldn’t go that well with the almond birthday cake with sherry-lemon buttercream icing. So, gimlet. I’ll share the recipe if it turns out perfectly.)
I’ve got some secret plans for the weekend, too, which definitely includes birthday spankings, gifts, and a few other things …
Game On by Jack Vettriano, one of my favorite artists
Happy birthday, baby. I’m so glad I get to celebrate this day with you, and so glad you’re with me. I’ve never had it so good, it just keeps building and building, getting better and better – I know how lucky I am, and I am so grateful. Hope this day is joyous in every way.
Wish her a happy birthday for me, willya? She is a huge part of why the smut writing has been so good lately, after all …