Review: the Outlaw

March 27, 2009  |  reviews
outlaw_lg

not actual size. oh no. it's WAY bigger than this.

Following the Johnny review breakdown precedence, here’s how the Outlaw cock by Vixen Creations from one of my very favorite sex toy stores stacks up.

(Then I’ll tell you a little embarrassing story concerning the Outlaw and a hotel room with Kristen.)

Girth: Hot damn, it’s a big one. 2″ around. Some would say, and have said, that that is the perfect girth. Enough to feel it, not enough to hurt (at least, not much).

Length: Um. Holy shit. This guy is 8 1/2″. It is huge. It does have balls, which you would think might slightly impact the insertable length, but they sit behind the O-ring of a harness and are quite flat, so they don’t actually take away from the otherwise massive length. I expected I’d have trouble driving this thing – but to the contrary, it was easy to fuck with strapped on, maybe partly because I didn’t have to be concerned about it slipping out.

Shape: Balls. A little vein-y but not too much. Realistic. Because it’s Vixskin it is a little more pliable than average, so it doesn’t have any particular permanent curve.

Materials: This is why you’d by this cock over any other 8.5″x2″ monster: made of Vixskin, a special silicone that feels more like cyberskin (realistic, pliable, feels more like flesh) but it is sterilizable. This is great. I nearly only fuck with cocks made from this material, it is hands-down the best.

And now for your bedtime story.

Kristen & I stayed at a lovely hotel overlooking downtown Boston when I was up there to do a performance a few weekends ago. We spent the evening – what else? – fucking, lounging around in the king-sized bed. I’d brought the Outlaw and also Rodeo Rick (as Babeland calls it – aka Maverick), my desert island dick (the one I’d bring with me above all others). We hadn’t used the Outlaw yet, but got it out and were discussing it at various points in the evening, playing with it and marveling at its size, mostly, and in one hilarious moment Kristen picked it up and set it on its base next to the TV, right in the open.

Later, much later, we ordered room service.

(You can already tell where this story is going, huh.)

I remembered to put boxers on, and an a-shirt, after we ordered but before the room service showed up, and Kristen was in bed, though nude, covers pulled up, on her laptop. Harness and cock we were just using were on the bedside table, next to a huge bottle of lube we’d had to buy earlier that day because I’d forgotten mine. Clothes were strewn around the desk where we’d been playing that afternoon. Bondage belt on the bedspread.

The room was a sex den, is what I’m saying.

The room service delivery guy knocked and before I knew it, he was bringing the tray into the room. “Uh – you decent?” I tried to warn Kristen. (I should’ve just taken the tray. Why didn’t I just take the tray?! Butch fail.)

He set it down on the dresser, right next to the TV.

Right next to the most giant fucking Outlaw cock.

I saw a tiny flicker of a smile on his mouth, but all in all he remained very straight-faced and professional. I was impressed. And so embarrassed! (I know, it’s not that big of a deal, but I couldn’t shake the facepalm feeling.)

“We haven’t even used it yet!” I exclaimed, getting back into bed with Kristen and the coffee profiteroles.

“Well,” she looked at me with that twinkle in her eye. “I guess we should.”

Sorry, delivery guy. But at least you’ve got a good story to tell at dinner parties! “Once, I delivered dessert at midnight to these two … lesbians …”

 

12 Comments


  1. aahaahaa oh boy!

    hope you enjoyed that cock after all that!!

  2. Ok. first of all, I'm REALLY really jelis of that hotel stay – I've never really stayed in a nice one and never had room service so I tend to look at fancy ones like that very longingly. The "Living room"?? WOW.

    Lucky room service boy. Honestly I bet that kind of shit just makes his job. I would be embarrassed too though but that's me.

    Third, your birthday is the day after my late father's, and the day before my SO's. It's a good week for birthdays!

    Fourth….I love your tags.

  3. LOL!!! I love this story! So cute.

  4. Crap. I love that. He probably wanted to jump in the bed with the two of you. Hell, I would've. :)

  5. awesome story, and great review. one thing tho- i try not to impute pleasurable feelings to working class ppl who are just doing their jobs. this, it seems to me, is a petty bourgeois fantasy which imagines that the customers behavior titillates the worker. honestly, they probably just want to end the shift.

  6. Too funny! I love cute, embarrassing stories.

  7. hah! my girlfriend and I have a few similar silly and embarrassing stories concerning the outlaw as well. I think it's a requirement. somewhere in the warranty.

  8. ha! I bet that was some great convo when he got back to the kitchen!

  9. thanks for reviewing this it cracked me up and I had been curious abt outlaw. :)

  10. My wife and I got Outlaw for Christmas. Deliciously huge. We love it!

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