What Happened in May

May was an incredibly busy month for me – not only did I take two trips out of New York City, I also had visitors, performances, writing deadlines, and started seeing Penny a bit more seriously. I took a break mid-month and didn’t do any writing here for more than a week, so it was a fairly light month in the number of posts.

The new masthead quote comes from a conversation with Ally, long ago. The photo is a snippet of my tie collection. Kind of a departure from the usual black-and-white I’ve been going for, but hey, it’s summer now, seems fitting.

Here’s what happened in May:



  • On misperceiving someone as femme or butch, and then a follow up further clarifying was the hinge of this past month. In fact, I got so frustrated by the conversations around these posts that I stopped writing for a while and took a break. It’s hard to do this kind of gender writing and work sometimes, I guess I just needed to step back and think about it, and attempt to get to a place where I was not taking it so seriously.
  • Eventually, I posted gender frustrations and clarifications about my response to those two posts, and some round-up thoughts on onward & upward, gender explorers. I’m not going to stop writing entirely, but I do need slightly more structure and, occasionally, self-protection around this work, because sometimes, clearly, it gets to me.



Leave a comment if you’d like to be added to the list to receive the password for protected posts.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is a genderqueer kinky butch writer who teaches and performs, specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They've written at sugarbutch.net since 2006, recognized numerous places as one of the Top Sex Blogs. Sinclair's gender theory and queer erotica is widely published in anthologies like Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, and online at Feministing, Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more; they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut, Sinclair's first book of short erotic stories, was published in 2014. They use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself, and live in Oakland, CA with their boy.

9 thoughts on “What Happened in May”

  1. lady brett says:

    what a wonderful collection!

    referring to the ties, but now that i mention it, the collection of stuff that happened in may is pretty great too =)

  2. muse says:

    your tie rack is the sexiest tie rack I've ever met, or imagined.

    good work on gender in May, Sin. thank you.

  3. Jan says:

    June's banner says it all….This woman wants to be in your head and your bed. Unfortunately you are too young for me/I am too old for you.

  4. Essin' Em says:

    I agree with all of the above. Except that unlike Jan, I also wanted to be in your stories, but luckily, that happened :)

    Moreover, I'm more likely to be too young for you, not the other way around :)

  5. Samantha says:

    Well, I guess I should say that I am just perfect for you ;)

    Your site is a delight.

  6. Ally says:

    Those are definitely some lucky ladies in your head and in your bed…

  7. jaleelah says:

    hi sinclair, i've been reading your blog for a couple of months now, and i love it! i would love the password, since you're still offering to give it out. and unfortunately i was too busy to comment then, but i appreciated your posts and conversations on misperceiving someone as femme or butch. tough stuff that needs to be talked about!

    — xo from a loving femme fan in mpls

  8. greta says:

    i'd appreciate the add!

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