onward & upward, gender explorers!

Lots of great comments on Tuesday’s post about my own frustrations with the discussions on this site – I’m replying to the comments in the thread, too, with more information, so read the comments if you’d like to know more about my thoughts around this issue. You can also subscribe to the Sugarbutch Chronicles RSS comments feed (but that’s really just for the hardcore fans).

I’d like to say two quick things about it, then I’ll move on to more random miscellany:

1. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That post was not meant as a request for praise, of course, it was just an update on where I’m at and what I’ve been going through – but I appreciate the praise, and I appreciate the clarifications about what this site and these discussions have meant for you.

2. I’ve mentioned that I’m implimenting some changes in how this site works, but don’t worry, I’m not planning on changing it drastically. If you have particular suggestions about what you’d love to see more of, what your favorite parts have been, what you hate, I’d love to hear that as I go forward. Really, though, the biggest change will probably not be on the published-side of things at all – it’ll just be in my own psychic process toward the site, and hopefully, in my own boundaries about frustration and internalizing criticism.

2a. I’d particularly like to grow the SSU category here on Sugarbutch – “Sinclair Sexsmith University,” the custom sex, gender, and relationships “program” with 101-level articles and information. I’m not sure exactly how to begin building that, but I’m working on it.

A little bit more housekeeping, random things to mention & file under colophon:


Help! Michelle – you emailed me that great article & I have a long response to send you, but your email keeps getting bounced back. Email me again from a different address, so I can send some thoughts back to you?


I just found out that sugarbutch has a livejournal syndication. If you use LJ, you can add Sugarbutch as a friend & keep up with me that way.


bzzzgrrrrl emailed me to let me know she’d nominated Sugarbutch for a BlogHer Hero award. She says, “You won’t get it, I’m afraid. The official rules prohibit material that is “inappropriate, indecent, obscene,” etc., and who knows what that means, but I bet Sugarbutch Chronicles qualifies.” Ah, she’s probably right – but I’m still really flattered, thank you for the nomination.

She sent me a very flattering, humbling blurb that she included with her nomination, and I’m reprinting it here with my thanks & gratitude:

Sugarbutch Chronicles changes lives — mine, at least. Sinclair writes frankly, openly, and playfully about gender. My generation of feminists just Didn’t Talk Like That: Transfolk made us uncomfortable. People who deliberately declared themselves “butch” or “femme” but weren’t trans made us more uncomfortable. Sinclair is as sexy as she is smart, and she opens dialogue for and between her readers that inspire us all. Since reading her, I’ve had better sex, better conversations, better jumping-off points for challenging my own ideas. SBC isn’t the only blog about queer theory or gender theory, but it’s the best I’ve found.

I’m attempting not to blush, and instead practicing my “thank you”s with all this praise recently – instead of deflecting I’m just trying to accept. I’m really glad that some – any – of my own thought processes, approaches, and philosophies are useful to others, and I’m extremely grateful to all the comments, emails, questions, and folks out there with blogs & books & further writings who are exploring these topics.

It’s a nice community we’ve got goin’ on here. My gender conversations are a lot less lonely than it used to be, thank you for that.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

5 thoughts on “onward & upward, gender explorers!”

  1. Hey, you're welcome.

    Two things on that nomination:

    -I apologize (Sinclair and anyone else who may have been bothered) for my potentially offensive use of pronouns. I felt like,with only 100 words to work with, I wanted to pick my challenges to people's assumptions carefully.

    -There is still plenty of time (and by "plenty of time," I mean "two days") for others who also want to nominate anyone who's changing the world and creating community.

    Because, yes. It sure is a nice community.

    [I didn't even notice the pronoun until you mentioned it – thanks for being thoughtful about it, though. Makes sense to use her/she since it's a BlogHER nomination, after all. And yeah, as Muse said, I'm ambidextrous with the pronouns. No need to apologize! – ss]

  2. muse says:

    you're ambidextrous with the pronouns, aintcha Sin?

    I love the community you've brought together. and I'm grateful for the safe, supportive space to be a submissive femme bottom.

    because those aren't bad words. for a long time, to me, it seemed like they were. no more, in large part thanks to your work here. xo

  3. Lina says:

    I must say I was so caught up in reading the latest post about gender that I printed it off the net and took it with me on the tram.

    Really inspiring to me,Sinclair.


    SSU is a fantastic idea… I'd love to hear more about how it works exactly.


    [Lina – Thanks! Glad you think it's a good idea; it'd be an attempt to organize my basic ideas & thoughts about gender, how it works, how it plays out, plus some tools to overcome the societal biases which are so damn prevalent. How to Fight Back Against Gender Police! How to be more fully yourself! Hopefully it'll be fun and accessible, we'll see how it progresses. – ss]

  4. Glad to hear a peep out of you! Shall we find time to catch up on the 23rd?

  5. Jacket's girl says:

    Ahh Muse – you said exactly what I have been feeling. Nowhere (outside my home and relationship) do I feel more safe, appreciated and honored as a submissive femme bottom than right here. This community has been a much needed outlet and haven. Thanks SS for offering such a space.

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