essays, Interviews

Open Relationship Mini Interview with Tuesday: So Much Love


1. What insight about open relationships do you wish you had when you started?

I am one of those people who was born poly, monogamy is such a foreign concept to me. I don’t even understand it at all. What I wish that I had known was that the person I ended up marrying would suddenly expect monogamy with marriage and that we would spend the next 9 years rehashing our boundaries and trying to change fundamental beliefs in each other, it wasn’t pretty.

2. What has been the hardest thing about opening your relationship, and how have you overcome that?

The hardest thing was convincing my husband that it is possible to love more than one person, it took years of talk and and fights, and constant disclosure and 100% honesty about feelings and standing up for myself and what I need. But it’s been over 6 years now of happy poly, he is dating one of my very best friends now and I am with a woman who makes me the envy of everyone we meet because of the amount of love we share.

3. What has been the best thing about your open relationship?

The best thing is that my kids have a huge support system, there is always an adult available to them, and I am able to get my needs met in the best ways and no matter how bad life gets I always know I have so much love. Love may not be all you need but it sure helps you get through the tough times.

4. Anything else you’d like to add?

There is nothing worse than fighting with more than one lover at a time, but besides those rare times, there is nothing more amazing than love multiplied. I often explain it to new friends that just because you have a second or third child it doesn’t mean you love that first baby any less, and it can be the same way with amorous love, you might even love your first even more for accepting you and wanting you to be happy no matter what, which is really what love should be all about.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

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