dirty stories, real life

Desperation & Dominance

“Want to know what I was thinking about when I got off yesterday?” she asks. We’re lying in bed, tangled limbs and sheets, a little sweaty, breathing heavily still, hearts calming. She’s nude now. I’m still in boxers and an undershirt. I’ve taken advantage of the ongoing permission I have to fuck her, take her, if I wake in the middle of the night or before her in the morning, as I often do, like this morning, hands on her, fingers in her, forearm holding her down by her collarbone until she thrashed and came and muffled a scream into my shoulder.

“Yes,” I answer, arm under her neck, the other hand on her hip and curved under her thigh and ass as she drapes herself over me partly.

“I was thinking about … you using me,” she starts in a small voice, quiet, by my ear. I can feel her breath. “Filling me up. Fucking me and fucking me without caring how it was for me. I was thinking about tears streaming down my cheeks, and you not stopping, just … taking me, until you get what you want, and you come.”

I bow my head a little to find her mouth by feel in the dark bedroom. “I like to use you like that,” I say. She nods. “Let’s play later.” She nods again, pulls closer to me.

This story contains Daddy/girl roles in sex play, some domination and submission, and lots of tender loving care. Continue reading with that knowledge, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Later, after she makes lunch because I order her to, because I still have a hard time letting anyone do anything for me, so it feels possibly okay to let her when I order her to do so, when I can put the parameters on what she does, after she does her work, after I set my three MITs and accomplish them all, we head back into the bedroom to play.

I sit on the bed, she comes close to me and we kiss, the kind of tender kiss for reunited lovers after a week of travel. Sweet and slow. I am going to be sweet, tender, loving (I tell myself): the domination will come from verbal command and compliance.

She lifts her thin tee shirt (an old one of mine, actually, Ladyfest East in New York City from 2001) and my mouth is at nipple-height so of course I suck. She cradles my head a little, cooing, and sometimes she makes me feel young doing this, sometimes it is all about nurturing me, but this time I won’t linger here long.

I want her on her knees in front of me. It’s been quite a while since she sucked me off properly.

I kiss her again, gripping her upper arms and she tightens, gasps. She likes to be restrained. “I want you to take your pants off,” I say, knowing full well she’s wearing nothing underneath, “and get on your knees while I get my cock on.”

She is quiet and small and knows she can’t go until I release her. “Yes, Daddy,” she says.

I grin, kiss her again. “Good girl. Use that blanket to kneel on.”

She does, and is in place before I have even undone my zipper. I need something in the other room so I come up behind her and cup her chin, her ass in the other. “I have to go get”—something—the other lamp, since my bedside table lamp died, and the overhead is too bright? I think that was it—”I want you to wait here for me. Keep your hands behind your back. Can you do that?”


“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

I come back a minute later and she’s still in place, one hand holding the opposite wrist. I mess with the room ambiance, put on my cock, perch on the bed in front of her.

Bringing her mouth next to mine with a grip on the back of her head, I say, “Thank you, baby. You can use your hands on my cock now. I just didn’t want you to touch yourself while I was gone.” I reach down and slide a finger between her lips; she’s wet, swollen already. I like for her to wait for me, like to play these games.

She moans a little, breathy. As I kiss her again, fingers on her clit now. “I didn’t, Daddy, I didn’t touch myself. But my pussy got all wet anyway.” This she says a little apologetically.

“It’s okay, baby, that feels good. You gonna suck it now?” It was supposed to be a command but came out more as a question, hopefully it didn’t sound quite as desperate as I felt. It’s so easy to betray the dominant persona I am still trying out, putting on, getting right. I am learning to wrangle the desperation and shove it into dominance’s shoes and outfits and speech patterns. Sometimes a channel opens up between the two and it’s a vigorous dance, and that passageway is getting increasingly easy to open.

She ducks down, opens her mouth, tongue flat and wide against the underside of my cock head, looks up at me with her eyes and says, “uh huh,” before closing her lips around it.

She licks, presses it to her tongue, sucks so her cheeks hollow, grips it in her fist and jerks it hard while tonguing the indents at the tip. Swallows it. I leave my hand in her hair, fisting it without pressure to keep my cock in her mouth. That, she did on her own.

Sliding backward on the floor, she arches her back deeper and thrusts her ass into the air. She faces away from the full-length closet door mirrors, but I had a perfect view, and as she sucks me deeper her thighs part and I can see her pussy, slick and wet, and asshole, tight and pink, in the mirror, sometimes with a slight bounce in her hips when she really gets into going up and down on my cock.

She swallows it deep and I moan, feeling it swell and thicken in her mouth. She holds it there, deep, and I feel like she is sucking the breath from me, until she gags and sputters a little, pulls fast back off of it, gulping air and spit, that viscous slick kind from the back of her throat sticky on my cock-head and still a string of it connected to her lips.

Grinning and humming and swallowing, her hand still on my cock, jerking me. I pull her up to me, smear her wet lips across her mouth, kiss her hard. “Careful,” I say.

“I like it,” she grins wickedly. “I like when it goes too deep. I like it, Daddy.”

“I know baby. Go easy.” We kiss again, her mouth swollen and wet, my cock throbbing. I would have to fuck her soon. “Do it again, you little cocksucker, do it more, don’t stop.”

She does: dives back down, back arching, head low, and I watch her ass in the mirror while I start rocking my hips to get my cock on that sweet spot on her tongue, down her throat. She gulps and comes up for air once, twice, forgetting to breathe, sometimes holding her breath, smiling at me, mouth open, lips still touching my cock. She sucks it down again, fingers wrapped around the shaft. I moan, breath heavy, hands and fingers pulling strong like I am ready to grab her by the hair and slam her backward to face fuck her until I come. This is where she takes me, this is where she likes me, in this state of desperation funneling and transforming into dominance.

I pull her up quick, grabbing her upper arms hard. “Get up on the bed,” I say, fast, low. “Now.”

She stumbles to her feet, I push her back as soon as she’s standing. “Spread your legs.” She’s got her arms up protectively against her chest, instinctively, hands to her mouth, quiet, eyes wide, waiting for me, a little nervous, moving deliberately and slow. I know sometimes I scare her when I take too much. I breathe, try to slow down, place myself gently on top of her as I slip one arm under her neck and hold my cock, guide it toward her cunt with the other hand, bring my mouth down gently to kiss her, hold her tight in my arms.

“Did I make you feel good?”

“Yes, baby.”

“Did I … make your cock all big and hard?”

“Yes.” I find her slit with my cock and press in just an inch, two, then shift my arm to hold her leg up with my inner elbow against her shin, rocking her back a little, opening her thighs, my cock sliding in deeper as I press myself close to her.

“Are you going to put it in my little pussy now?”

“You want me to?”

“Yes, yes, put it in.”

“Put it where?”

“In my pussy. Put it in my pussy.”

“Put what in your pussy?”

“Your cock. Please, Daddy.”

“Say it again.”

“Put your cock in my pussy … ”


“Please! Put your big cock in my little pussy, please, Daddy, please.” By now I’m already thrusting in and out of her, slow and slick with her spit all over my cock and her wet cunt. Still, I sit back and reach for lube, without pulling my cock out, smear it all over the shaft and on as much of the head as I can. I want to be sure I can fuck her hard. I slide my knees up under her thighs, cock hard in my hand, and slide it in deep and full.

I don’t slow down, now. Shove it in again harder and my clit thrusts against the strap of the harness. “Is this what you wanted? To be my little hole to fuck?” I growl in her ear as I fuck harder. She starts thrashing and squirming and I hold her down by her arms, fingers digging in to the soft parts, hoping they will bruise. Sometimes they do.

She winces a little. “It’s big, Daddy.”

“That’s what you told me you wanted, isn’t it. My big cock, fucking you hard.” I whisper low in her ear, thrusting in and out of her hard.

“It’s big,” she whispers again.

“Yeah, and your pussy feels so good, mm.”

“That feels good, Daddy? Your cock feels good in my little girl pussy?”

Harder, getting closer. “Yes.” Grunting.

“I like it when you put it in me hard like that.”


“Put it in me hard, Daddy, fuck my little pussy. Use it up, take me, just do what you want with me …” She lets her mouth go in words and I love what comes out.

“That’s my girl, yeah, baby that feels good.”

“I’m your girl, daddy, use me up, use me up.” She starts repeating things, whimpering, tensing underneath me, even crying a little, face pinching, and I don’t let up, she winces a little but grips onto my back to keep her leverage against me, moans as I get harder and pound deep, she can’t really keep talking, getting fucked like this, but she tries, whispering, “do it, do it,” and “more Daddy more” as I come in three, four deep thick thrusts, feeling myself empty into her, gasping, grunting, mouth open, then spent.

I collapse on her a little, breathing hard. I don’t usually come so fast. I hold her close, kiss her face, as the tension drains from me and my heart slows, stops desperately pumping blood to keep up and calms, smiling.

We take a few minutes to hold each other tight and breathe, kiss, relax, then I lift my head, say, “You okay?” She is. I already know. I want to hear it from her, though.

“Yes, oh yes,” she answers immediately. “You know how sometimes I cry and it’s hard and not okay, but sometimes I cry and it’s just release and intense? That’s how it was the whole time. I was fine.”

“Good.” I settle back in next to her.

“I like it when you … treat me like that.”

“Me too.” I know, oh do I know, how lucky I am.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

30 thoughts on “Desperation & Dominance”

  1. Rachel says:

    Wow. That may be one of the best pieces you have put on here! The way you describe what you are feeling and thinking is great. How you show (not tell) the reader what you are feeling (sexually and emotionally) and why, it adds to it all. You let us feel like we are in your head with you. Thanks for sharing this!

  2. heather says:

    Wow indeed. The warning/disclaimer was actually the moment I got aroused. Something about a caring threat and momentary acknowledgement elicited a charge like being topped ("if you have to stop, tell me now, because after this moment I will not be swayed.") It seems consent is something you've been exploring even as it pertains to your your viewers, and this is a perfect example of how putting consent play into your writing can actually enhance the mood.

  3. Wow.

    I'd respond, but my no blood in brain.

  4. stephanie says:


    Thank you, Sir. I love how you can reach into my brain and pull out some of my hottest fantasies. Kristen is such a lucky, lucky, lucky little girl! :)

    Seven more days!

  5. I. says:

    yay ! smut is back !

  6. alysia says:

    this is so lush, unhurried and languid like a sleepy cat eye and yet it made my pulse staccato, my lips press together and a few other sleek little descriptors.

    yes, definitely a solid piece, written from a pretty new place with a fresh quiver filled with careful arrows.

    "This is where she takes me, this is where she likes me, in this state of desperation funneling and transforming into dominance." (yes!)

  7. Benjamin says:



    *spasms for a moment*

    hot. just….hot.

    if you'll excuse me….

    *passes out*

  8. kitten4dom says:

    I was just browsing around and stumbled upon your blog. Such an excellent post! I found myself squirming and aching while reading.

    Thanks for sharing :)


  9. Laura says:

    Oh my. :Fanning myself: I think that's the loveliest D/g story I have read in quite some time. Thank you!

  10. wrencher says:

    eh hem…

    holy hell.

    I really miss having a little girl.

  11. PossibleSappho says:

    Wow. I think I'll add those feelings to my "yeah, I'm a lesbo" list…


    This sounds stupid, but is there a strap on that will actually become more hard with sucking?

    Thanks, SugarButch. Your eloquent writing took me on a trip!

  12. Sinclair says:

    Oh no, there's no (silicone) cock that gets harder when you suck it or play with it. That's a mental thing, for sure.

    The closest thing might be the Mr. Man by Jollies, which has a hole through the center and creates a bit of suction when sucked on, but I believe it is no longer being produced.

  13. sugardyke says:

    Oh but what a wonderful "mental thing" it is… :)

  14. siluvayne says:

    here by way of feministing, and very impressed! (not just with the hot sex either, but damn!)

    thank you, adding your blog to my favorites :)

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