accessing the protected posts

So the former password protection post is spilling over with requests. With the intention of me not missing requests for access to the password protected posts, this is the new post where you leave a comment.

It would be best if you left your website, too, even if it’s your myspace or facebook address, as I’d like to know you’re a real person. You can email that to me if you’d rather it not be published publically. It’s not a requirement, if you don’t have one, but I’d appreciate it, as these are very personal writings.

About the password protected posts:

They are primarily my personal journal entries: reflections on my relationships, and my real life sex stories. Sugarbutch started so that I could have a place to reflect on my relationship difficulties, which included the problems with my relationship with my ex where I wanted to be more butch (and wanted her to be more femme) but felt unsupported to explore that, and the problems we were having with sex, which was that we were having none. It evolved into a place where I processed my relationship with another girl that I immediately got involved with, and when that relationship ended spectacularly awfully, it has been chronicling my evolution back to myself, my committment to myself, my “aspiring stud”-ness in trying to get laid, and trying to get my shit together such that I can enter into a healthy, stable, positive, committed relationship again.

Meanwhile, though, it has been lots of gender theory. Lots. And some smut stories. Which are also fun.

And as I’ve gained a larger and larger readership, the personal stuff is entirely too exposed, so they have gone under password protection. I still want a place to write about my relationship evolutions, and I still love having writing and blogging as a medium to explore my own sense of self, so I tend to write a few of these a month.

So, if you’d like to read the personal posts, leave a comment at the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.


Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

270 thoughts on “accessing the protected posts”

  1. Dana says:

    Hi, I love your writing and have been using it as a reference point for my own self exploration.

    if you would send me the password that would be the best.

  2. Ani says:


    I am a queer, smarty pants, femme who drinks too much diet coke. My night stand is burdened under the weight of my books. I have been reading your site for a while now and would very much appreciate having access to your protected posts. I am at a cross roads in my own life and your words are helpful.



  3. Alicia says:

    I love love love this site may I please have a password

  4. Spencer says:


    My name is Spencer. I am a butch who has been with my femme partner for over five years… I have been reading what you have posted on your site for quite a while and would quite like to read your protected posts. Your words have been helpful for me in my life.



  5. L says:

    i love reading your writing–smut's delicious–but as someone who's written and thought and dreamed and tortured herself way too much over that first love, (or at least that ex who pops up…still) i'd love to read that stuff.

    thank you.

    you are so great.

  6. Mirea says:


    I am a femme married to a butch. Your blog is enlightening,

    to say the very least. Would you mind sharing your password

    with someone who is taking notes for her own anticipated




  7. Shauntee says:

    Hi, I have been reading your site for a while. I am considered a "stud" and I am often mistaken for a boy. Reading your words helps me to make sense of my sometimes 'unreal reality'. If you would be so kind, would you please let me have the password? Thanks

  8. Dawn says:

    I love reading your blog. Can you please forward me the password to the protected spaces.


  9. Erin says:

    Found you through queer eye candy a couple of months ago and have thoroughly enjoyed everything.. from the gender talk to the incredibly hot smut. Please send me the password for your protected entries.

    Thanks so much :)


  10. joe says:


    I am Joe. I have been a silent read of your site for a couple of months now and i have it was an eye opener. I hope that now I understand some gender issues better than I did before. I think your wirting is helpful and entertaining at the same time. Thank you for sharing with us your experiences and thoughts.

    I would love to be able to read your 'protected' journal enties as well!

    Thank you and take care!

  11. LexiKay says:

    Hey there,

    I love your site and what you write about! Would love a password to read your work. I am a queer writer and a playwright.

    thankyou for considering me!

  12. gill says:

    new to the internet world, I love your site. I love the gender focus and the truly great sex talk. would like to read more!


  13. Setya says:

    I find your posts endlessly interesting and beautiful.

    I'd love to be able to read more. Many thanks.

  14. Jackson says:

    As a young butch trying to figure out what goes where in the world, I find your writings be very empowering. I would love to be able to explore further your prose and commentary. It can be quite difficult to find media that really celebrates the butch/femme dynamic and I applaud you for doing so. While I would enjoy being able to read more of your posts, I would wholeheartedly understand if you would prefer to keep the password to yourself. Happy writing!

  15. jumping over the moo says:

    may i please have your password?

  16. Leah says:

    As a freshly minted dyke struggling with her gender identity, I came here in search of a positive butch influence and was not disappointed. I would love to get on that password list, if you would have me.

  17. H says:

    I love the application of gender studies to life, where theory is practice and influences theory, again. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I was here for the kinky smut, too.

    Thanks. I think you're just great.

  18. Shawn says:

    I've been loving reading your posts, particularly as someone with a pretty tenuous grasp of my own gender. Your writing is beautiful and I'd really like to read more. (sorry but I don't have any internet presence to link to – I promise I'm a real person, though!)

  19. pepper says:

    i´m femme and i love your writing….

    it would be great pleasure for me to read more.

  20. Kissiah says:

    Hi, I'd love to read the protected posts please. I promise I'm a real live femme!



  21. Rose says:

    Please may i have your password i love your writings

  22. molly says:

    Can I please have the password to the protected posts? Your blog is one of my favorites to read and reflect on.

    I don't have a website, but I'm definitely a real live person.

    Thanks for writing!!

  23. Shannon says:

    I am leaving you my cooking website/blog because… well… I like it, and you might too, but mostly because my new website reflecting on MY lesbian life/my felings/and erotica is not up and functioning yet. I have the URL and it’s hosted, I just need to get some content written.. but of course I work a full time sales job…

    One day you too will be able to go to my lesbian centric site as well!

    I appreciate being given any glimpse into another lesbian relationship and sex life as I have just been forced to end a 9 year relationship due to unforseen circumstances which will come to light on my new blog…

    Thank you!


  24. Becky says:

    Your writing really touches me, I would love the password to your blog as I can’t actually wait to read some more!!

    I don’t have a website either, (working on that one at the moment!) but I promise that I’m an English femme who is on tenterhooks…

  25. FemmeBLT says:

    I've been following your site and was a featured femme friday pic a few weeks back (with FemmeFairyGodmother). I would DEFINITELY like to get a password so that I can read the really good stuff. :) Thanks!


  26. Raine says:

    I have been reading and enjoying your posts immensely and wld like to be able to read the password protected posts. I don't have my own website, but I too am a real life person.

  27. Rockets says:

    Love your website, love your stories! May I please have password for protected posts?

    Please and thank you.

    Rockets – aka – Christine The Rocket

  28. lavie says:

    I just want to see the heart of you Sin.would that be enough to grant me a password?

  29. Would be great to get the password, I'm a recent convert to your site. Thanks.

  30. Izzy says:

    I love your posts….Can I please have a password?

  31. Luiza says:

    Hey! I have been reading your site for a while now, and it's been an amazing experience. May I have a password?

  32. Lin says:

    Your writing has been a catalyst for many of my thoughts and writing. I'd appreciate a password so that I can continue to be inspired and challenged by your words. Thanks so much for all the work that goes into making your site. Lin

  33. Kate says:

    Hey – love your website. As a fellow genderqueer butch top, it's great to read about your experience. I'd like the password, please. Thanks!

  34. Tábata says:

    Well, i'm a 21 years old self-identified lesbian who found out to be a gender-queer without knowing exactly what the hell it means. And now i'm doing some research about gender and stuff, and your blog appeared in this path…i guess. So…could i have a password? please?

    Sorry about the terrible english. Im brazilian by the way!

  35. Beatrice S. says:

    I found your site and don't remember how I ended up here. I'm so glad I did because what you write really turns me on. It makes me cry and laugh but once, already all three things happened by the time I reached the end of the page. You are an amazing writer. Yesterday I couldn't tear myself away from reading so much, that I was late for class (Yeah. Thanks ;) So please can I have the password, pretty please? Won't let it interfere school any more either because I vow to read only at night, right before bed now; I promise.

    * Beatrice.

  36. Kristy says:

    I love your website! I am a 21 year old genderqueer top and I would like to read more of your writings. could I have the password? thanks, Kristy

  37. Victoria says:

    I've been dipping my toes in the very lovely waters of this site for a while now, and would very much like to read behind that password curtain!

    My butch wyfe and I would very much appreciate a day to ourselves tomorrow, reading and having fun!


  38. Kimberly says:

    I've gotten really into your writings. I experienced an awful breakup a few months ago, and it's been totally cathartic for me to read about others' experiences. Plus, you're an awesome writer, and I'd like to know more about you (in a good way, not a creepy, stalker-ish way).

    Let's see…what else would you like to know? I'd be considered a "femme" in the lesbian community, although I'm not all that feminine most of the time. I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl. I've dated an FTM transexual and my fair share of guys, so I wouldn't consider myself a lesbian. I'm not very into labels. I'm just me. Kimberly. I turned 25 in March, and I am really trying to get back to normal since this breakup. My ex took a piece of me with her, and I desperately want it back. She's now fucking someone else, so it's unlikely I'll actually get anything of value back from her now. I still live with an ex of mine, too. So that's an interesting dynamic. We are still very close, and we love each other a lot, but the timing just isn't right for me. I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship right now. Plus I'm a law school, which is a huge commitment, and I cannot afford to derail my career plans with another disastrous relationship.

    Getting the password to your protected writings would be an honor and a privilege for me. I know how personal blogs can become. I actually got rid of an account on Downelink.com for that reason.

    Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this and (hopefully) handing over the password. I will definitely treasure it.


    XOXO Kim

  39. Blair says:

    I love your writings. I've been a silent follower for the last six months, and I've given your site as a great resource and blog at LGBTQ conferences I've been to as an interesting read on gender and queer theory.

    I would love the password to the protected posts because, well, the erotica's damn good. More please? Will beg.

  40. Chubs says:

    Hey, I've been reading your blog for a while and I would like to read the protected posts. Would you send me the password?

    I'm just a butch sista chill'n in Boston, doing my thing.

    Here's a link to my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=667468489&….

    Hopefully that link works…


  41. Karen says:

    May I have a password?

  42. Alexandra says:

    I adore your writings, and would be honored to have the password. :)

  43. Candace says:

    I love your writings and would love a password. I can email you my twitter/facebook/etc links.

  44. Kat says:

    I really, really adore the way you write and would love to see more of it.

    I'm a 20-year-old vaguely genderqueer, androgynous, dyke switch with piercings and half of an art degree. :)

  45. Hey Sinclair,

    I LOVE your writing! I'm a passionate radical lesbian feminist and your posts on gender-bending are very thoughtful. I suppose I'm "femme" but I've done my share of experimenting with sex roles, which is why I don't consider myself cis-gendered. My first serious relationship with a woman (at the time) was someone who went FtM and I've always had difficulty understanding why (besides passing, of course, which "she" was usually doing anyways). Thank you for being transmasculine. I'd love to read more about your experience and philosophies on gender. Thank you for writing and sharing with us on the inter-webs.

    Undercover Punk

  46. lauren says:

    i'd love a password. i already follow you on twitter – laurenyay

  47. L says:

    Hey Sinclair, been reading your writing regularly for the past year or so, and am happy to notice that your writing and your life have had a deep effect on my gender and my sex life. You've opened up so much for me, especially after my own transformative crushing break-up three years ago and the emergence of so many new ways of being in the aftermath. I'd be honored to read more. Thanks so much for all that you do and all that you write.

  48. Dana says:

    Hey! I love your writing and would love to have the password so I can read more :) Thanks!

  49. sara says:

    hello. i am new to following your blog and your twitter and am very interested in all you have to say and share and would be honored if you would grace me with a password. thanks so much and have a super awesome day!

  50. Noell says:

    Reading what you've to say is simply the best way to get my mind off anything horrible that happens during the day. Could I get the password, pretty please!

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