If I Was Being Really Honest

If I was being really honest with myself, I would _________________.


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Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

19 thoughts on “If I Was Being Really Honest”

  1. greg says:

    admit that I'm still really scared. I don't want her to know that but she pays such close attention that I know she sees it.

  2. stop trying to be so stoic and admit to myself that it really does bother me to see hir with her…

  3. arse says:

    …recognize that I'm too much of a snob to keep her in my life. I love the money and success that I've worked so hard for, but we don't speak the same language anymore. As sweet as she is, she can't hider her resentment and I can't tell her about my life.

  4. Miss Quickley says:


    And see whether or not it really makes a difference if I stay or go.

  5. Kitcat says:

    admit it really was my fault and maybe I could have done something differently.

  6. anonymous says:

    fuck all my friends.

  7. take responsibility for my apathy.

  8. have to tell my yoga teacher how much I want to sleep with her.

  9. deal with the guilt and file for divorce.

  10. Lilly says:

    Quit my job and move to Connecticut. Close enough to NYC and close enough to R to get what I need from both right now.

  11. Joy says:

    Keep doing exactly what I’m doing.
    And flirt harder with the girl who let me grope her cock last week.
    And jump the boy in the kilt.
    And set aside three days for quiet retreat and meditation.

  12. Angel says:

    Let someone love me.

  13. monstar says:

    ..relax and recognise that no matter what I do, no matter how well-behaved and blameless I was and am, it's not fucking coming back. I can't sustain it because it's a two-person deal – a relationship – and I can't provide joy for two. Stop seeing optimism in the insignificant details and start sincerely trying to get over it.

    (Stop calling it optimism.)


    But it hasn't been very long and everything is still so fucking raw.

    In other words; if I was being really honest with myself, I would. But I won't.

  14. Diviva says:

    move away and stop struggling to hold onto scrumbles

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