journal entries

gratitude from a new place

I’m in the eye of a storm at the moment, meaning I’m going to have to move through it again before it passes entirely. But hopefully, this time next week, it will be smooth sailing again …A very brief update: this past weekend I did something very Noo Yawk, and moved from a third-floor walkup to a third-floor walkup without movers. Well, without formal movers that I paid, anyway – some fantastic friends (and surprising acquaintances!) came out to help my sister & I transfer the mountains of crap from one apartment to the next, and here we are, snug in the new place.

It’s really great. Loads better than the old place. Big huge thanks go out to C + J + J + J + T, and of course my sister Bee. We are all sore as hell, bruised, and battered today, but hell if they don’t have some serious moving karma coming back to ’em! It was a big deal to have so much support, so I have to thank these folks in any big way I can. I was thinking about it, and last year when I moved, when The Ex and I split up and moved out of our joint apartment into two separate places, some excellent, important friends helped us both move as well, but it was one of the most hurried, unorganized, difficult moves I’ve ever done.

This move, it was so smooth. Possibly the easiest move I’ve ever made.

Don’t forget, it’s not easy to move a writer. Two-thirds of my posessions are either books or boxes of paper – archives of writing, articles, clippings, journals. Many boxes of books. The friends didn’t know what they were getting themselves into.

I think we – my sister & I – are in a much better place now. I’m really excited to be here.

So, that was Saturday. Yes, just Saturday. Sunday, my writing group had a big publishing panel where we contacted all these editors, authors, agents, writers, we knew and got four people to come and give us a bunch of advice on our careers, MFA programs, how to get published, what to do.

I went away from that panel with the distinct advice that I need an agent. So, I’m gonna be working on that.

The panel, though, and the whole writing group, really, often gets me in this state of awe about New York City. The opportunities here are just boundless, and I am so grateful to be making connections.

Tomorrow, I head to Seattle for about a week. I’ve got a performance on Thursday night while I’m there – contact me if you’re in the Pacific Northwest and would like to attend – I won’t be reading much smut, probably, but will be doing my performance poetry. I’ll also be visiting with college friends, primarily.

I love Seattle. I miss it, it’s hard to be in New York sometimes, to be so far away from my adult home, from the family of friends who went through my early 20s with me. But at the same time, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t here, in this particular location, in New York.

And I’m oh so grateful that I’m here, now.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

2 thoughts on “gratitude from a new place”

  1. Ms. Avarice says:

    The lovely way you speak of it makes me lust after the big, glittering city even more. But New York City is not for me now, it is for some later chapter. I still have to accomplish my purposes here, but someday I just might know exactly what you mean.
    Also: Glad the move went well and you had adequate help! I can relate to the seemingly endless boxes of books and papers.
    Best wishes for the traveling.

  2. figleaf says:

    Hi Sinclair,Where are you going to be in Seattle? Viviane said you'd be appearing here but didn't say where. If you're appearing in public, anyway, please drop me a line?Also I really appreciated your "Matter of Intent" post. I've been wrestling a lot with the other side — with men's assumptions about gender, consent, availablity, and… a bit… about how women who kiss other women appeal to our indoctrination to believe women *never* want us sexually — so it's good to hear your reflections.Take care,figleaf

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