sunday scribblings: fantasy

She is the fantasy, and I am the dreamer. Or perhaps it is she who is the dreamer: she is the one who is always creating meaning from metaphors and analyzing the superstitions that are coming between us: bread and butter. Knocking the tree spirits awake and away we beg for forgiveness for being so presumptuous that we would know what is to come ahead of us. What nausea will pass and what we will be doing to ring in the next new year. How much of this will we weather? I already know how and where our great downfalls will come: flattery. Consumption. The great flaw of sunshine on a winter’s day.She is the fantasy, and I am the dreamer. She is the dreamer, and I am the magician with the magic hat who watches from the edge of the room after she cries herself back to sleep, never knowing which magic spell will bring her back into herself.

I have created a swirling romance around her. Sweltering inside a coil of smoke, a glass wall such that I cannot reach her. But that I did not place around her. Did not choose to erect such a barrier between us. She did, when she chose to dream me. I did, when I discovered the fantasy of her was more real than the real skin touch of her hand, her thigh, her kiss.

Is it only the dreamer who comes up with such fantasies? Perhaps I would rather be a writer than a dreamer, so I can write myself into something as solid as stones.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

11 thoughts on “sunday scribblings: fantasy”

  1. Rethabile says:

    Interesting. I don't know if it's only the dreamer who can fantasise, but I suppose so.

  2. Dylan says:

    this made me think of you and your entry about work a little while back. i imagine it being attached to what you wrote. Found Magazine

  3. Tiara says:

    Well said, and very much understood.

  4. Inconsequential says:

    I Like that last line… :)

  5. Liza's Eyeview says:

    I nejoy reading your take on fantasy. Thanks.

  6. Liza's Eyeview says:

    I enjoy reading your take on fantasy. Thanks.

  7. Janie Hickok Siess, says:

    Well, that was interesting and led me over to another website mentioned to watch Nathan Fillion's interview. I've been a fan of his since quite a few years ago when he was Joey Buchanan on "One Life to Live," playing my good friend, Clint Ritchie's, son.

  8. DJPare says:

    It made me wonder which of the two it would be better/worse to be…

  9. twilightspider says:

    Elegant and beautiful. Your way with words is arresting.

  10. gautami tripathy says:

    It's different for what I read so far!

  11. Crafty Green Poet says:

    Beuatifully written!

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