Posts Tagged ‘travel’

Trans Women Belong at Smith, BUTCH: Not Like the Other Girls, and Lots of Other Things To Tell You About

April 5, 2013  |  journal entries, miscellany  |  3 Comments

I have so much to tell you about. My arrival in California, sunshine, really good kale and well all of the vegetables here really, my feelings and grief, surviving heartbreak, what it’s like to have skipped the very end of winter and the very beginning of spring and moved on to full-on blooming, how the fog rolls down the San Francisco hills, that I’m staying at a place without indoor plumbing and electricity and cell service and wifi, how I really like staying at a place that relies on candles and one small solar outlet to charge my cell phone, how I am grateful to be staying at a place with chickens and mud and daffodils and raccoons that stole my cereal last night but how much I marvel and am grateful for the two warm showers I’ve taken this week, how forget-me-not flowers grow everywhere here, how easy it is to keep falling in love, how I’ve been getting re-focused on work, how I recorded the first audio file that may become a podcast that might be called Butt Buddies with my good friend Amy yesterday, how many events I have coming up in the near future including University of Tennessee Sex Week (can’t believe I haven’t written a press release about that yet) and UW Madison and judging at IMsL and another tantra training and a Lambda Literary Award reading of Cheryl’s book since it’s a finalist and the IMsL Bawdy Storytelling and maybe that’s about it.

But I don’t have time to write a big feelings post about everything, so meanwhile I have a few small things to share.

I was at Smith College in Northampton recently and they—students, faculty, alumni, and community supporters—are fighting for trans inclusion. The group Queers & Allies (Q&A) has started a petition, and I encourage you to read about what’s going on and sign it.

Also, if you are in or near Vancouver, BC, there is an amazing exhibit coming up. SD Holman has been collecting a series of butch portraits—she took my photo at the BUTCH Voices Portland regional conference in 2010—and now, her photos are displayed on Vancouver bus stops everywhere with the caption, BUTCH: Not like the other girls. She’s also got an exhibit of these portraits April 9 to 25. Here’s an article and more information about that.

Wish I could be there, but April is pretty damn busy in my world. I’ll be all over the country and working a lot. I’m really excited to keep refocusing on work and writing, and I have so many ideas and things in store for Sugarbutch.

Smith College, Oh My!, The CSPH, UTK Sex Week, IMsL, and Where Else I’ll Be In the Next Few Months

March 25, 2013  |  miscellany  |  7 Comments

Oh hello there Internet, I know you’re still here, and I love you. I’ve been quiet, but I’ve been working behind the scenes, diligently, trying to get things back in order so I can write more smut. I miss writing smut. Do you miss reading my smut writing?

And hello out there in person too! I’ve been teaching so many things in person these days. I feel stronger about my teaching skills, but I am definitely still learning. After eight workshops in seven days in February, I feel like I’m starting to feel like I’m getting closer to my 10,000 hours of teaching. (Ten thousand hours is actually about ten years, so goes the theory, and I’ve only been teaching sexuality and gender for about five years, but I did train to be a writing teacher ten years ago, so maybe my ten thousand hours are probably close to complete.)

Here’s where I’ll be in the coming weeks, and what’s going on for me this summer.

And then, the big news is that on Monday, April 1st, I’ve got a one-way ticket to San Francisco. I’ll be there for April and May, and then I’ll be heading to Alaska to visit family for June and July. I’ll be back in the Bay Area in August, and then … honestly, I’m not sure what will happen after that. I hope between now and then I’ll find a plan. If you feel inspired to donate to me as I restart and recalibrate and transition into a new incarnation of myself, and figure out what the hell I’m going to do with Sugarbutch and my heart, that would be incredibly helpful.

Here’s the rest of my summer schedule:

… After that, I’m not sure. I’m taking a leap of faith and trusting that I’ll figure it out along the way. I’m kind of looking for a job, at least maybe a part-time something, to get my feet back under me and have more consistency.

I was walking home the other day, and my neighbor, this small bald Puerto Rican guy with a handlebar mustache who I’ve made friends with over the five years I’ve lived here, said to me, “Haven’t seen you lately! Where you been?”

“I’ve been traveling, working,” I said. “I’m moving in April, actually.”

He said, “You’re moving!? Where you going?”

“To California,” I said, not wanting to go into the longer story of I’m-not-sure-Alaska-who-knows-about-the-fall.

“California!” he exclaimed, and proceeded to rant a little about how high the rent is in New York. I agreed.

“Well, I hope you have a happier, easier life out there in the California sunshine,” he offered. I teared up. I really hope I have a happier, easier life out there, too. And thanks, universe, for sending me a little reminder of the pleasure of my new adventure.

So I’m still doing that crazy traveling thing …

February 13, 2013  |  miscellany  |  1 Comment

… and I have just arrived for a week in Washington, DC, with a little side trip to Virginia.

I’m especially looking forward to being at Dark Odyssey Winter Fire! While I’m teaching four classes in two days (gulp), it’s also incredibly fun, with lots of folks I’m looking forward to seeing, and lots of fascinating workshops for kinky skills that I don’t yet have.

Here’s where I’ll be stopping:

In March, I’ll be visiting New College in Sarasota, UW Madison in Wisconsin, Oh My! toy shop in Northampton, and the CSPC in Pawtucket, RI. I’m still interested in doing workshops around those venues and dates—if you live somewhere near those places and want to bring me to do something, let me know!

My complete schedule is always updated on mrsexsmith.com/appearances.

Queer Stories, Fucking Forever, Dirty Queer Sex, Get the Sex Life You Want: So Many Events in November

November 10, 2012  |  miscellany  |  No Comments

Hey y’all:

So I’m interrupting your regularly scheduled relationship processing to tell you what I’m doing in November. I’ve got a whole lot of gigs planned, and it means a lot to me when you readers come out and show up and support when I’m on the road. (I could especially use that right now!)

When was the last time I did one of these calendars? Man it’s been a while. It’s been a rough summer, and fall. I’m glad to be doing more gigs. I’m still booking things in the spring and I’d love to come visit your town!

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Wednesday, 14 November Radical & Responsible Gender workshop. Academics break down gender- how does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively”? Come to this interactive workshop to gain a better sense of how to push the limitations of gender restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing, and how to create and support positive embodiments of gender roles. Dinner will be provided!

LGBT-CRC at 6-8pm, Stanford University, Stanford, CA

Thursday, 15 November Queer Stories: Writing Ourselves into Existence. Traditional publishing through books, magazines, and literary journals have typically excluded gay stories, characters, revelations, and identity development. Navigating the world of literature can be extremely othering as a queer person attempting to write about queer lives, constantly being questioned for our cultural representations in writing. But Judy Shepard continues to say that coming out is the most important thing we can do, that indeed it is a political act, which encourages and advocates for visibility. Telling our stories is one way to make ourselves visible. Come to this interactive writing workshop and learn about the history of queer stories, what the queer story looks like, alternate forms of publishing such as chapbooks and blogs, and begin to form your own queer story. Bring paper and a writing utensil, please! Time & place TBA. Stanford University, Stanford, CA

Friday, 16 November Lesbian Sex Mafia workshop:

Fucking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships. New relationship energy can propel a couple into a phenomenal experiential phase of sexual energy—bursts of passion, exploration, and intensity. Long term relationships, however, face the day-to-day life navigation of bills, scheduling, job and career difficulties or changes, disappointments, changes, and grief. How do we build a long term relationship that keeps the passion alive? How do we ensure we have enough time for our partner(s), and for ourselves? How do we both separate from our partner to have our own rich inner life and come back together to build a loving bond? And what kind of kinky play can be used to keep the fire going? We’ll explore all of these concepts and more at this interactive workshop.

$20 non members, $15 members.

8pm, LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St., New York, NY

Tuesday, 20 November Dirty Queer Sex Tour: Dallas! Readers TBA, but include Sinclair Sexsmith & Lillith Grey. RSVP on Facebook VerLes, Dallas, TX

Thursday, 29 November 101 Introduction to the the Study of Women, Gender and Sexuality class 9:25am, Rice University, Houston, TX

Date TBA Getting the Sex Life You Want workshop The Montrose Center, Houston, TX

I’m booking gigs for the spring (February through May)! And I have all sorts of exciting new workshops I’m offering. Want to bring me to your college or university or local bookstore or sex toy shop? I’d love to visit! Things that are important to know!

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I’ve Returned From the Rainy Pacific Northwest!

June 27, 2010  |  journal entries  |  4 Comments

I’m back in Brooklyn after a ten-day adventure in the Pacific Northwest. It might be the longest trip I’ve ever taken, aside from that semester abroad in London when I was an undergrad. Did you even know I was gone? I mentioned it a little bit on Twitter, but I didn’t make a big post about it before I left, partly because I was so busy preparing to get outta town. I grew up in Southeast Alaska, and took Kristen there for five days to see the little hippie town, and we also spent four days in Seattle, where I went to college, visiting friends and a few of my tantra teacher mentors, and we drove over to the Olympic Peninsula for a day to visit some fantastic friends and some of my relatives. The whole trip was pretty fantastic, though so full of events and people and exciting adventures and mini-events that I’m surprised we did so much.

Now that I’m back, I just want to curl up. I don’t really want to face all the stuff that is here on my desk waiting for me, the hoops I need to jump through, the things I need to tick off of my to do list. Though some of the things waiting for me on my desk do include new harnesses from Aslan Leather, a new glass toy from Don Wands, and a blindfold from Babeland—and those are really exciting, a little less of a bourdon and more of an adventure. I’ve also got a lot of books to read! I hope I can spend some nice down time on the couch with the air conditioner cranked up high (it’s in the 90s in New York, which is an instant reminder about why I want to move back to the west) with a cocktail.

And of course, the minute I get back online to work on Sugarbutch, one of the first things I did was break my theme by doing an automatic upgrade. Stupid, I know, that I didn’t back it up first. And now I’ve spent the last two hours fixing it, and it doesn’t look like it used to, I know. But it gave me a chance to implement a few things that I meant to do long ago, and it looks okay, I think.

Aside from this extra work I made for myself, I’ve got a lot of other stuff to do. I am itching to write, I’ve got some columns I’m working on, some anthology submissions, and have a long list of inspired posts, and I really want to write some erotica. I haven’t done much of that lately, have I? I’ve been spending most of my time trying to figure out how to get my life going, since I don’t sit at a desk employed by someone else all day anymore. And since I don’t spend as much time daydreaming, since I can just go grab my sweet girl if I want a sex break. I know, I’m way spoiled. It’s great. I highly recommend it.

Meanwhile, here’s a photo I snapped from my mom’s house, looking out over my little hometown. I do love that place, there are so many things that feel so right and calming, but it’s good to be back to my life.

Countdown to SXSW: Tomorrow!

March 12, 2010  |  miscellany  |  4 Comments

I’ve been so damn busy this week, I haven’t even had time to post about this weekend’s exciting festivities!

Kristen and I are heading down to SXSW for a few days of the Interactive schedule. I’m on a panel on Saturday, Engaging the Queer Community, along with Trish Bendix of AfterEllen.com, Bil Browning of Bilerico, and Fausto Fernos of Feast of Fun.

Engaging The Queer Community
Saturday, March 13
at 03:30 PM
A discussion on maintaining successful and active blogs and social networking sites that are geared toward the LGBT community and its niches.

Presenters:
Trish Bendix - MTV/AfterEllen.com
Bil Browning - Bilerico Project
Fausto Fernos - Feast of Fun (moderator)
Sinclair Sexsmith - Sugarbutch Chronicles

There’s also a SXSW Homo site which apparently is keeping track of the queer events during the festival.

Kristen & I are crashing with an online friend (whose Twitter handle I can’t currently find) and we’ve been gathering Austin restaurants and mini-adventures to explore while we’re there.

And don’t forget!

SXSW Queer Blogger Tweetup
Sunday, March 14 at 9pm
OilCan Harry’s
211 West 4th Street (walking distance from the conference)
Austin, Texas

  • Live tweetup using hashtag #sxswgay
  • Free wifi available
  • Your favorite viral videos from 2009 playing on the bar’s TVs
  • T-shirt and merchandise giveaways
  • Free* drinks to all SXSW attendees and people who follow Oil Can Harry’s on twitter @oilcanharrys or show their SXSW pass.

* The rumor is that because of Texas liquor laws, you can’t ask for “free” drinks, you’ve got to ask for “the hookup” and provide proof that you are following @oilcanharrys on Twitter, if you don’t have a SXSW badge, by either showing your smartphone or by a printout.

So! Who’s coming? Who will I see tomorrow or Sunday? Seems like it’s going to be a bit of a boy’s club, please assure me that the femmes and genderqueers and butches and trans folks and radicals will be joining me too!

SXSW and Austin-bound in March

January 27, 2010  |  miscellany  |  10 Comments

I’m going to be on a panel at this year’s SXSW festival in Austin, Texas in March, thanks to Trish Bendix of AfterEllen.com. Bil Browning from the Bilerco Project will join Trish and I on the panel, and Fausto from Feast Of Fun will moderate the discussion.

The panel is Engaging the Queer Community, and the description is “A discussion on maintaining successful and active blogs and social networking sites that are geared toward the LGBT community and its niches.” It’s set for 3:30pm on Saturday, March 13th, though the location is still TBA. Some of the questions the panel will attempt to discuss are:

How do you reach new readers?
How do you utlize social networking to reach the LGBT audience?
What can web series and video blogs do for your site?
What’s the best way to balance entertainment-focused content with relevant LGBT news stories and political issues?
How do you avoid getting your site blocked because of its gay/lesbian content?
How can you manage to address several generations that are all part of the same community?
How do you build an online community without becoming a social network rather than a journalism-based site?
What is the responsibility of LGBT blogs/websites/online communities?
How should the online world of the LGBT community deal with issues on “outing”?
How can LGBT sites with specific niches manage to not offend the other parts of the community (i.e. lesbian sites covering transgender issues, etc.)

Simple! No, just kidding. This is complex stuff, but very interesting. I’ve never been to Austin or to SXSW, I’m looking forward to it, though I’m already a bit overwhelmed by the number of panels that same day and the density of the event. I’ll be traveling with Kristen, which will automatically make it better.

I know it’s really expensive to come to SXSW, so if you’re in the Austin area and would like to come say hello, I’ll be doing a Sugarbutch meetup on Saturday, March 13th, probably at a dyke bar in the evening, 8pm.

I don’t have any other events planned while I’m visiting—though if you live there and want to book me to speak at your college, queer independent feminist bookstore, or sex shop, contact me mmkay? (I know that is extremely unlikely given that SXSW is going on, but hey, who knows.)

I won’t have as much time as I’d like to explore a new city that I’ve never visited, I think it takes more than a couple days to really get a feel for the place. I will be researching dyke bars, indie bookstores, sex shops, and public parks especially—those are my favorite places to visit when I see a new place. Any recommendations for me? Where should I go while I’m there? Also, food. What are the restaurants we should not miss? Are there any good vegetarian places?

So what do you say? Will you come share some Jameson with me in Texas?

F*cking with Gender: a workshop in Chicago

May 13, 2009  |  miscellany  |  4 Comments

I’ll be in Chicago next week on Tuesday night for a workshop with Northwestern University. If you’d like to join this lively discussion, the Rainbow Alliance is kindly opening this up to the public. Come say hi!

F*cking with Gender: Gender expression, identities, labels, transcending the mutually exclusive binaries, queer culture, and hot sweaty sex.

Join Sinclair Sexsmith in this interactive workshop about gender, sexuality, and sex. We’ll play with concepts of how gender identity and sexual identity intersect, butch/femme roles as a language of desire, how labels can be restrictive or liberating, whether gender is a fetish or a kink, and how to have more dirty queer sex. Mr. Sexsmith writes the 2008 #1 sexblog Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top, at www.sugarbutch.net.

May 19th, Tuesday, 7:30PM

Space is limited, please RSVP through Jessie, Princess of Vibe for the Rainbow Alliance at Northwestern University in Chicago (jessicapkaiser[AT]gmail.com)

sinclair1

under my radar

January 2, 2008  |  journal entries  |  8 Comments

My bottom lip is still tender from where she bit just a little too hard.

My inner left thigh has three perfect bruises in rings of teeth marks, two new, one darker and faded; she bit me hard enough for me to gasp, wince, jerk my thigh away from her mouth but I could not slide out of her grip, probably wouldn’t really have wanted to if I could.

The handprint on my right thigh has pretty much faded completely.

She poured me a glass of port, brought chocolate truffles after we peeled ourselves out of bed.

Looking in the mirror, putting in her contacts, she said, “I came so hard, I broke capillaries in my face, look.”

In The Leather Daddy and the Femme, one of the characters said, “they’re the kind of couple you’d pay a million bucks to watch fuck,” and that’s what we are when we’re together. Chemistry palpable. Bodies synched.

We made lists of things we would do if we had time. Proper dates. Dancing. Watching The Secretary (“And then we’d reinact it. And you’d be the secretary, of course.” “Oh, of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Unless, of course, she was the secretary.). Take a tour of her personal history of Seattle.

I loved the way she said yes and don’t stop and baby. Loved her impulse to confess when my hand was inside her deep. Loved the look of nervousness in her eyes when I easily attached the leather cuffs – that were the week before around my wrists – to the restraints she keeps on her bed. Loved the way she slid her leg over mine sitting next to me at breakfast, the morning after. Loved her growl, her lunge, her strength, her tenderness.

Twenty-two hours. That’s what we had together on my way back to New York. I spent the night in her bed, shared her tub, her shower, coffee in the morning, met her cats, watched her problem-solve, undress, dress, sleep.

I held back. Bit her shoulders to keep from giving in, letting go. Left marks, teeth, fingertips, where I gripped her tight, held her close, for leverage and levity and lust.

I know the precise amount of water that her body displaces in a tub. How her fist feels inside me to the wrist. The torture of her pure white lingerie peeking out from the low plunge of her dress.

We had a proper date. I opened her door, took her coat, held it for her to put on, ordered for her. Kept my hand on her thigh so I could feel the lace of her garter the whole way through dinner. I didn’t realize I was doing so until she said, “You like that, huh?”

My mouth watered. I wanted to see it, to peel that dress over her head.

Later, I did. Slid her boots off of her lovely calves and ankles and she said she felt particularly naked. I liked her exposed. I had longed to feel her body under mine like that.

She’s used to dating butches, trans guys, the female-bodied masculine quadrant in the gender galaxy. She notices all those little identity things that build me up, that have often been mysterious to the femmes I’ve dated. She notices and comments and has a context for them, a compairison. My clothes, body hair, gestures, chivalry. Makes me feel young, inexperienced in this gender, but I also feel recognized, visible, seen.

Probably, probably, I’m only this into her precisely because she’s so far away. But somehow she slipped under my radar, slid inside, sat down and made herself comfortable, poured herself a glass of wine, and had one waiting for me, too.

“I’m fifty-fifty, top and bottom,” she said. “What would happen if you were with someone who liked to top as much as bottom? Maybe you wouldn’t get bored?”

She has a point. As much as I love topping, bottoming opens up a different space in me, makes me more vulnerable, more exposed, more defenseless.

Yes, I had some sweet revenge, but those twenty-two hours were not a scene, like the hotel room was, not something with a beginning-middle-end concocted specifically with purpose and time management. These hours were fluid, thick and heavy with desire and lovemaking (there is, indeed, a reason that’s what it’s called). I loved the way she received me, opened for me, pushed herself. Wanted her to push me harder, and then she did, again and again. Curled around her like a vine. We both came & cried. Intense, intense.

Again, she took care of me brilliantly, I felt cherished. And then she left me at the airport. I haven’t cried on an airplane in a long time; it felt ridiculous, accidental, and I couldn’t stop feeling.

There is something here, between us. What a loss, what a great injustice, that we are so far apart that we cannot play it out the best way – in close physical proximity.

We are talking nearly every day. Have some ideas about seeing each other again, soon, and I don’t want to wait to have her back in my arms. Does this mean I’m thawing? Feeling through to my heart again? Still distancing myself from possibility? Someone told me yesterday that I have to prepare to get ready to be ready before I can actually be ready.

“How significant is she,” one of us was asked.

“Well … she’s not insignificant.” we answered.

Yeah. Ain’t that the truth.

There’s something here.

we dance

December 29, 2007  |  journal entries  |  3 Comments

I slept on the plane and dreamed of us spinning, dancing on a slick floor. Heels and wing tips and she wore a light thirties dress with fringe, I was in slacks. I led her by her wrists, shoulders, neck; she twirled and brushed against my arms and body like somewinged creature barely touching down, gliding, humming next to me.

I was a better lead in the dream than I really am; in the dream it was effortless. I wore a fedora, suspenders. It must’ve ben salsa we were dancing.

Her body is smaller than mine, petite. I understand what it tells me. I read her hips like braille, bones and muscles and oh she’s strong.

She does the swing-out and a small hand flourish, crisp head snap and she gives me those eyes as I pull her back in, so I pause, she runs her hand up the buttons of my shirt, tilts her head so our mouths are close. I tip my hat onto her head and she laughs.

I twirl her fast, once-twice-threetimes and then catch her neck, turn her body, dip her one-handed, my other arm out, and my hat falls from her head to the floor as we kiss.

*

Also on this plane flight was, in my same row, but on the other side of the isle, the boy I first messed around with in high school, also going back for the holidays. He was traveling with his girlfriend.

He was The Casanova in high school. All the girls swooned over him, and he and his long, greasy hair, black trenchcoat, and flirting meant that he gave long back rubs to all of them in the drama studio.

As far as I knew, though, the only one he was messing around with was me. Our relationship was not public – we would not flirt or barely even acknowledge each other at school. But after school, in the park, in the cemetery, we’d be kissing, touching for hours.

I wanted to be him sometimes, wanted that kind of seductive power and desire over those girls.

And now look. Here I was, so freshly fucked I could still taste her, still feel her cock inside me, and here he was, with a sweet girlfriend, no doubt, but still doing the same things he used to, the same silly flirts and methods, I saw him do it, he was barely a grown-up version of his high school self, really he was the same, just with a better haircut.

He told me later – we went out for drinks – that he didn’t lose his virginity until college. That he had a lot of trouble with girls, with relationships.

Not that I haven’t, certainly. But I’ve had big loves, I’ve had big romance, big heartbreak, beautiful women who have shared my bed, shared my life. I’m so grateful for the influence of the women in my life, of sexuality, of exploration, of eagerness to play and learn and just be.

I wanted to tell him about my adventures, wanted to tell him how much I appreciated messing around with him and how fun and safe that was for me, how grateful I was that he showed me his soft underbelly when the other girls thought he was this tough guy, how great it was to look up to him, to wish I was him and now, to realize the ways I’ve surpassed him, the ways I am on the way to becoming my own Casanova.

I didn’t say any of that. Funny, sometimes, what you know will be too much to reveal. Thank the blog gods for, finally, a space to (over)share.