Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic in New York City May 18-20

Though it seems like all I’m doing right now is touring and releasing a book, I’m actually doing a lot of other things, including coordination for the Body Electric School, an erotic energy retreat organization with which I’ve been working for about twelve years. So much of what I know about sex, consent, embodiment, being in my body, being in touch with my gender, asking for what I want, sadism, masochism, my shadow side, breathing, and millions of other things comes from my experiences with these teachers and within the container of exploration that is these workshops.

I cannot recommend them highly enough, and I’m so thrilled that the organization is starting to open up and move beyond the ‘men’ and ‘women’ workshops into some genderqueer and trans focused territory. The new director of the school, Tom, even recognized the team of teachers and staff I’ve been involved with in creating and supporting this new Boxes workshop at the staff retreat in December.

We’re breaking some serious new ground here, and if you have any interest in being more in touch with your body, exploring your own desires, getting what you want, and doing it in a queer environment, this is an amazing opportunity.

I am so in love with this work, and I’m thrilled to be bringing it deeper into my community.

Want to come? It’s time to register. I’m glad to chat with you more (gchat, email, on the phone, skype) and tell you more about my experiences with these workshops, what it’s like, what to expect, and answer any questions you might have.

OUTSIDE THE BOXES: CELEBRATING THE QUEER BODY EROTIC
May 18-20, 2012, in New York City

Your gender. Your body. Your energy. Your beautiful self. How often has the world tried to force you into the gender binary, asked you to assure it that your pronouns matched what it saw rather than what you felt, required that your genitals conform to expectations, demanded that you deny the complexity of all that is you?

What if you could come into a community in which all expressions were possible? Where gender, sexuality and expression were aligned according to your truth? Where no one assumed what parts would go where? Welcome to Out of the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic!

Come explore your erotic potential through the mind, the body and the heart using conscious breath, movement, process work and massage. Awaken the erotic energy that lies within all of us. Through a queer tantra lens, explore archetypal masculine and feminine energies and the myriad ways they can be expressed. Break down silos of gender and sexuality.

This workshop focuses on the entire body and is conducted in a container that is playful, safe and reverential. Using carefully designed experiential embodiment practices participants will:

  • explore the innate wisdom of your body
  • expand awareness, sensation and pleasure through conscious breath, movement, touch, and communication, where each person’s choices and rhythms are honored
  • learn how to more deeply tune in to your body, mind, heart and spirit
  • to receive more fully from yourself and others, and to give without losing yourself
  • learn to give and receive full-body massage and to focus on the healing potential of sensual/spiritual energy
  • learn from your own and others’ unfolding, and feel awed witnessing and supporting our uniqueness and commonalities

Out of the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic is a 2 1/2 day workshop (Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday), often clothing-optional, for those who are ready to vigorously explore new levels of feeling and aliveness, both within themselves and within a community of queers.

NOTE: Couples are welcome to attend Out of the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic and have the option of working together or with the other participants.

Tuition: $150-495

Full tuition is due two weeks before start of workshop.

Order a Signed Copy of Say Please

Now that Say Please is officially out in the world, and you know that you can get your copy from many different places, you might be asking, how do I get a signed copy?

You’ll have to get that directly from me, I think, considering I haven’t exactly signed a backstock of them for Barnes & Noble (yet).

So here’s the info. The books are $15 and flat rate US shipping is $4, so $19 will get you a signed book anywhere in the US. If you’d like two books to the same address, save the shipping and I’ll send ’em for $30. Outside the US, shipping is a bit more, so that total is $23.

When you pull down the option you want it’ll give you an option to “add a message to the seller”—that’s where you put the inscription you’d like, if you want me to make it out to someone in particular, or say something special (like “thanks for last night” … ).

If you’ve already purchased a copy of the book, I can send you a Say Please postcard that I’ve signed if you’d like to use it as a bookmark, or a bookplate that you can paste into your copy. Email me, mrsexsmith (at) gmail.com.

Of course, you can always attend one of the in person release party events and get your copy signed there!


Shipping




Say Please Release Party in NYC This Friday

There’s a release party for Say Please this Friday … this week is super busy, I know, but I’m really thrilled to be showing off this collection and I’m excited to read with all these fabulous folks. Vie La Guerre is coming all the way from Chicago and I haven’t ever met Elizabeth! I don’t think Miss Kitchentop will have any time to bake anything delicious, but I will probably pick up something awesome for us to nosh on while we are squirming in our seats.

Thank you Cleis, thank you Bluestockings, thank you contributors for helping to make this happen. Now all we need is the audience!

Dirty Queer Sex Tour: New York City
at Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street, Lower East Side
New York City
7pm on Friday, April 13th
RSVP on Fetlife
RSVP on Facebook

Sinclair Sexsmith presents a cornucopia of queer kink—tantalizing tales rich in variety and saucy details of girls put in their place—and held there firmly. Whether readers dream of surrendering to a lover or of taking control, Say Please offers plenty of erotic inspiration and gives readers exactly what they want! Come hear authors from the book read their stories and celebrate the release of this kinky queer collection.

Featuring Dusty Horn, DL King, Vie La Guerre, Sassafras Lowrey, Miriam Zoila Pérez, Elizabeth Thorne, and Xan West, hosted by Sinclair Sexsmith, writer of the Sugarbutch Chronicles and editor of Say Please & Best Lesbian Erotica 2012.

Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies and websites, including Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, she is the guest editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and her first full-length erotica anthology, Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, will be published by Cleis Press in April 2012. Mr. Sexsmith writes, teaches, and performs focusing on the subjects of sex, gender, and relationships. More information on her at mrsexsmith.com.

ABOUT THE READERS:

Dusty Horn’s erotica has been published by Cleis in Orgasmic and Best Bondage 2011, her sex culture reportage on CarnalNation.com, and her critical theory of sex work in AORTA magazine. A BDSM professional, queer pornographer, kink educator, social worker, and rocknroll exhibitionist slut, Dusty is (in)famous for her spanking booths.

Editor of Carnal Machines, Spank, The Sweetest Kiss, and Where the Girls Are, D.L. King has contributed short stories to Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, Girl Crazy, and Broadly Bound, among others. She’s published two novels and edits the erotica review site Erotica Revealed. Find her at www.dlkingerotica.com.

Vie La Guerre is a femme wordsmith who lives in Chicago with her kittens, Foxy Brown and Zora.

Sassafras Lowrey (www.PoMoFreakshow.com) is an international award–winning storyteller, author, artist, and educator. Sassafras is the editor of the Kicked Out anthology, which brought together the voices of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth. Her prose has been included in numerous anthologies and she regularly teaches LGBTQ storytelling workshops at colleges and conferences across the country. Sassafras lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her family.

Miriam Zoila Pérez (www.miriamzperez.com) is a Cuban-American writer, blogger, and reproductive justice activist. She is the founder of RadicalDoula.com and an editor at Feministing.com. Her essays have been included in various anthologies, including Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. Pérez lives in Brooklyn.

Elizabeth Thorne began writing erotic stories when she was working in a place known as The Sex Lab. It was an act of desperation since, ironically enough, studying sex kept her too busy to meet anyone larger than a mouse… and unlike Cinderella she doesn’t actually swing that way. These days, Elizabeth spends her time sitting around in her PJs writing popular science during the day and erotic romance at night. She has contributed to more than a dozen anthologies of erotica and erotic romance and is proud to be the author of “The Gingerbread Dungeon,” a collection of pansexual BDSM fairy tales. You can find her online at withbatedbeth.com.

Xan West is the pseudonym of an NYC BDSM/sex educator. Xan’s “First Time Since” won honorable mention for the 2008 NLA John Preston Short Fiction Award. Xan has appeared in many anthologies, including Best SM Erotica 2 & 3, Best Women’s Erotica 2008 & 2009, and Best Lesbian Erotica 2011.

Say Please is Officially Released!

Today is the official release date for Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica! Between a few Amazon reviews and various folks on the virtual tour, there are a lot of comments about the book coming my way, and it’s been so fun to hear what y’all think about it.

Say the magic word and fulfill your deepest desires for discipline and surrender, domination and submission, and the heightened sensations of BDSM play. One request opens up a fantasy world of classic dungeon scenes, bondage and restraint, floggers and spankings, sadism and masochism, very hot sex and so much more. True to form, Sexsmith queers classic gender dynamics, with a femme daddy in Alysia Angel’s “Feathers Have Weight,” and genderqueer bois who earn their right to flag black in Sassafras Lowrey’s “Black Hanky.” In “The Cruelest Kind,” Kiki DeLovely’s naughty narrator gets her just desserts from her butch in a back alley. D.L. King’s top makes her submissive strip before an unseen audience in “A Public Spectacle.” Face slapping can be a hard limit or the most delicious craving, as Rachel Kramer Bussel’s protagonist finds out in “A Slap in the Face.” Whether you dream of surrendering to a lover or of weilding your power, Say Please to the erotic inspiration within.

Some current praise from the book tour:

“Each story has a different kink and a different bit of style. Every time the page turned, I got more wet.” —AlphaHarlot

“”Unworthy as I am” [the last story in the book] is a gentle wrap up of the book. Well, not gentle in the play, as you follow caning, piercing, and various delicious forms of torture. But the end of the story, with the collaring scene, can almost bring tears to your eyes, as you feel that this collar is for each submissive in the book, a honor of completion.” —Nina

“The stories were detailed enough to get you into it (soo into it!) but also left somethings up to your own imagination. The stories are hot, and makes you want to try more and more kinky things.” —skysbirdsnplanes

“I was delighted by the wide swathe of kink that this literary erotica cut through my imagination. I’m always interested in the myriad ways that gender expresses itself and Say Please is full of variety. The BDSM quotient zoomed through all of my favorites (except CBT, for obvious reasons) and right into areas that pushed my comfort levels. In other words, it was so hot to read that I had to get myself off.” —Evoë

“Despite the impressive amount of silicone being used to tease, tantalize, and teach lessons in this collection, it remains exceptionally diverse. Though the authors had to conform to the theme of “lesbian BDSM”, both of those labels were interpreted in a variety of ways, loosely and enthusiastically. In “Say Please,” there are no baselines, no stereotypes, and certainly no “scissoring.” As the coquettish narrator of August InFlux’s “Counting Love” assures us when telling us to leave the candy hearts at home, the best acts of love are not universal. To me, “Say Please” is a beautifully structured vessel carrying creative, courageous, highly individualized demonstrations of respect and admiration.” —Roma Mafia

“Let me tell you, I said please more than once to this lovely little book…. These contributing writers had me on edge – on the edge of mental orgasms too which are just lovely!- so many times that I felt myself slowly submitting to the conditions and quality that came along with this well endowed book.” —DeDe Delynn

Have you picked up your copy yet? What do you think? I’m dying to know. What’s your favorite story? Which line just really got to you? Which author do you adore and are you going to look up all their other stuff?

Buy it on Amazon
Buy it on Kindle
Buy it at B&N
Buy it on Nook
Buy the ebook through iTunes
Buy it through IndieBound.org

One Key Photograph From IMsL, Featuring Sara Vibes and KD Diamond

So I have really a lot to say about my experience at the International Ms. Leather contest in San Francisco last weekend—about how it was pretty phenomenal to be in a hotel space filled with leather women (and those who love them), about the BDSM & anal workshop that Tristan Taormino led, about the 10 rules for happy non-monogamy workshop that Andrea Zanin led, and the single tail workshop that had me inspired, and the “parade of colors” and the leather sashes that made me, from the audience, go, “oh my gosh this is such a thing,” the royalty that leather title holders have, the awesomeness that are our new titleholders: the butch from Texas is our new IMsL and the femme bootblack is the new IMsBB! I’m thrilled that they’re representing this community and I wish them so many amazing adventures and fun travels.

And I kind of don’t know where to start, with what to tell you. I am extremely crunched for time these days (turns out, the week that your book comes out is kind of busy, who knew) and I don’t want to just give you a play-by-play (though you might be interested in that, I know, ya pervs).

So instead, I just want to send lots of love to IMsL and IMsBB 2012, KD Diamond and Sara Vibes, with this shot of them I snapped while Sara was feeding KD peeps off of her knife.

And yeah, this is just the kind of thing that happened, right in front of me, when I didn’t even expect it, all weekend long. If you’re kinky and queer and into women, this is one of those gatherings you don’t want to miss. You bet your ass I’ll be there next year.

Dirty Queer Sex Book Tour for Say Please Kicked Off April 1

Yesterday marked the first event in the DIRTY QUEER SEX BOOK TOUR for Say Please at Good Vibrations in San Francisco, and I had a great time. My buddy Butcher and I both took quite a few photos, and as soon as I get those off the camera I’ll post ’em.

I’ve returned from IMsL (whew! What a whirlwind! More about that soon) and the next Say Please event is in New York City on April 13th. But meanwhile, the Virtual Tour for the book kicked off yesterday too, and you can follow along as writers from all over are sharing their thoughts on my new book.

I am so excited to introduce to you the 27 writers and blogs that will be hosting the Say Please Dirty Queer Sex virtual book tour this April. I hope you have a chance to check out their posts about Say Please as well as their other work. The first post is up already (thanks Viviane!) and there are many more to come. Thanks to all who have agreed to host and participate in this tour with me!

April 1      Say Please release party in SF
April 1 Viviane http://www.thesexcarnival.com
April 3 Rachel Kramer Bussel http://lustylady.blogspot.com
April 4 Giselle Renard http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
April 5 Evoe Throw http://www.wholesexlife.com
April 6 Liz http://AlphaHarlot.com
April 9 Roma Mafia http://www.romamafia.com
April 9 Daniela http://www.thecsph.org
April 10 Official release date! Sinclair http://www.sugarbutch.net
April 11 Dede / deviantdyke http://deviantdyke.blogspot.com/
April 12 Helena Swann http://www.cuntext.com
April 13 Kim Herbel http://www.butchlesque.com
April 13   Say Please release party in NYC
April 14 Lily Lloyd http://theblackleatherbelt.com
April 15 Kelli Dunham http://www.kellidunham.com
April 16 Lyzanne http://sexpositive.tumblr.com/
April 17 Lula Lisbon http://www.lulalisbon.com
April 18 Ali Oh http://www.madeofwords.com
April 19 Jameson http://www.ftmbutchdude.com
April 20 Rhys http://girlfriendjunction.org
April 21 Charlie Ninja http://charlieninja.tumblr.com/
April 22    Say Please release party in Boston
April 22 Meredith Guy http://meridithguy.tumblr.com
April 23 Wendi Kali http://astrangerinthisplace.blogspot.com
April 24 Lolita Wolf http://leatheryenta.com
April 25 Audrey at Babeland http://babeland.com/blog
April 26 Seth B http://smokebellyscorner.wordpress.com
April 27 Danika http://www.lesbrary.com
April 28 DL King http://dlkingerotica.blogspot.com
April 29 Kiki http://kikidelovely.wordpress.com
April 29 Kyle http://www.butchtastic.com
April 30 Dilo Keith http://dilokeith.wordpress.com/blog-2/
April 30 Xan West http://tgstonebutch.livejournal.com/
May 2 Say Please release party in Seattle

I’m at IMsL! (So Of Course I Got a Haircut)

Thanks, Tomcats, as usual, for the ability to not really think that hard about my hair and still have it look good.

So I’m in San Francisco this week! I was at Mills College doing a Radical & Responsible Gender workshop last night (hi Colleen! Hi Jack! That was fun!), and this weekend I’ll be at the International Ms Leather contest and conference, and I’m really stoked to be here. I’ve never been before but it’s been on my radar for many years. I’m really looking forward to many of the workshops (and who knows, maybe I’ll discover some new presenters who might want to come do some things for the Lesbian Sex Mafia in New York City?) and to the social time too, hanging out with the incredible folks who are going to be here.

I’ve got some copies of Say Please hot off the presses! And I’m doing a reading at Good Vibes (Polk Street) on Sunday at 5pm if you’d like to come to that—in addition to me, it’ll be readers from Say Please, Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and Salacious Magazine’s Leather issue. It’ll be debaucherous and fun. I’m now calling the whole Say Please tour the DIRTY QUEER SEX TOUR, and still working on dates (Chicago! Portland! Hi I want to come visit!) and hope I can get out to many more places this summer and fall.

The virtual Say Please DIRTY QUEER SEX book tour kicks off on April 1—more info on that shortly.

If you’re at IMsL and see me, say hi!

Say Please! April Blog Tour & Reviewers Needed

A big ol’ box of Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica edited by ME and published by Cleis Press has arrived on my doorstep! I am so thrilled to hold this book in my hands and pet it and flip through it, after more than a year of working on it behind the scenes, on my computer, alone, jerking off in bed with the manuscript I mean uh, editing and copy editing and re-editing.

And now … comes the exciting part! The birthing it into the world part! The part where I figure out how to get it into your hands and on your nightstands and between your boxspring and mattress and on your kinky bookshelves. So I’ve got a few things up my sleeve, including six inches a virtual blog book tour and some extra copies for reviewers.

The official promo blurb:

Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica is a fiction anthology edited by Sinclair Sexsmith, to be published by Cleis Press in April 2012. It is available for pre-order at Amazon and will be available for the Kindle and Nook. Email lesbianbdsmerotica at gmail.com if you have any questions; to request a review copy, email Brenda Knight at bknight at cleispress.com. For more information about Say Pleaes series, visit saypleasebook.wordpress.com.

Item the first! Reviewers needed for Amazon

Apparently, book sales on Amazon set the standard for many other buyers these days, and reviews on Amazon (even clicking “like” on Amazon) make a big difference in possible sales. So I’ve got 20 copies of the book to give to folks who are willing to write a review on Amazon. To do this, you must: have an Amazon.com account you’ve made a purchase from, have a US mailing address, promise to review it by April 31st and actually follow through. Will send one to the first 20 people to request it. Email lesbianbdsmerotica at gmail.com with “Amazon” in the subject line, your mailing address. I’ve got more than enough Amazon volunteers! Thank you!

Item the Second! Blog Tour

In April, surrounding the book’s official April 10th release date, I’ll be conducting a virtual blog tour for the book! That means: If you are a blogger, and you’d like a copy of the book to review on your blog on a particular day of the tour, I’ll send you one in exchange for your participation. To participate, you agree to post on your corresponding day; posts can be your thoughts about the book, an excerpt, or an interview with me or another contributor. Email lesbianbdsmerotica at gmail.com with “Blog tour” in the subject line, and include a link to your blog and any pertinent information about the site you run. Deadline is March 31st, but I will fill it as I go, so please email me asap.

Item the Third! Preorder the Book!

If you do plan to buy it, as with all books, pre-ordering them has a dual impact on the book’s sales, meaning your sale counts not just for one book, but means that the bookseller your purchasing from will stock extra copies. All sales are great, but pre-orders are extra special, a heads up as a way to support your favorite authors.

Item the Fourth! In Person Tour in Boston, Seattle, San Francisco, NYC, and More to Come (So To Speak)

I am trying to get all over the place to read from this book … I still hope to visit Durham, Chicago, and Portland, and possibly Philadelphia and DC. If you’re a coordinator or event producer in any of those places, or in a different place!, and you’d like to help me with a reading, I’d love that. Get in touch.

Here are the current planned dates:

April 1 5pm, San Francisco at GV (with Salacious)
April 13 7pm, NYC at Bluestockings
April 22, Boston at a bar (with The Femme Show)
May 2, Seattle at Babeland
November 29, Toronto TBA (Facebook invite to come)

Item the Last! Get the Word Out, Buy a Copy, Let me Know What You Think!

I am beside myself with curiosity about how this book will be received. What do you think of it? What is your favorite story? Which lines stand out? Which authors were particularly impressive, whether you’ve read them before or will seek them out to read again? What themes did you love (or hate)? What did you wish there was more of? I would love feedback about this. After all, it’s the first anthology that is wholly mine, cover to cover, and I would love to do more of these in the future (hope hope).

I hope you’ll find a way to get in touch and tell me your thoughts, I am so very curious.

What’s Happening in March

March was supposed to be a low-key at-home month, where I could focus on a couple of new projects that I’ve been hoping to finish and birth into the world, but the quick travel home and now this readjustment are a bit in the way of that. I’m still trying to have a really low-key month in my routines, grounded and home. But I do have some exciting things coming up toward the end of the month, and then the Say Please Dirty Queer Sex Tour kicks off on April 1st in San Francisco and continues in New York, Boston, Seattle, and Atlanta (so far).

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Thursday, March 22, 7pmQueers Heart Abortion: Fundraiser for Chicago Abortion Fund. Have you ever wished you could do more to help people access safe abortions? How about actually *paying* for their abortions? Well, now is your chance! Readers include: Heather Acs, Drae Campbell, Kelli Dunham, Melissa Gira Grant, Jessica Halem, Aimee Herman, Buster Katz, LeRoi Prince, Sinclair Sexsmith, Jami Smith, & Ariel Speedwagon. RSVP at the Facebook event. Did you know I had an abortion in 1999? I even have a piece about it, from about 10 years ago, but I’ll be reading a new piece about it being ten years ago.

Doors at 6:30 pm, Show begins at 7 pm, Show ends at 9 pm. $5-$10 sliding scale (no one turned away)

UC Lounge, 87 Ludlow St, NYC 10002

Saturday, March 24, 11am-5:30pmRainbow Book Fair! The longest running LGBT book fair in the US, which includes exhibitions from publishers, poetry readings, performances, workshops, panels, and more. I’ll be there as part of Cleis Press’s booth—come get a copy of Say Please hot off the presses. rainbowbookfair.orgThe LGBT Center, 208 West 13th Street, New York, NY

Sunday, March 25Rutgers Sex, Love, & Dating: Your Guide to Everything Intimate Conference. I’ll be doing three workshops, Fucking With Gender, Combating Bed Death in Long Term Relationships, and Making Queer & Kinky Relationships Work.Rutgers University Busch Campus, Piscataway, NJ

Wednesday, March 28, 7pmRadical & Responsible GenderMills College, Oakland, CA

Sunday, April 1, 5pmDirty Queer Sex Reading: Say Please release party! Featuring August InFlux, Amy Butcher, Andrea Zanin, Ashley Young, T.R. Moss, and rife, from Salacious Magazine: Leather issue; Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica; and Best Lesbian Erotica. Join us for an evening of debaucherous, dirty smut written by and for queers. Take a sexy break from a whirlwind of delicious leather, kink, and sex to additionally stimulate your … brains.

Hosted by KD Diamond, editor of Salacious Magazine and International Ms Bootblack 2011, & Sinclair Sexsmith, writer of the Sugarbutch Chronicles and editor of Say Please & Best Lesbian Erotica 2012

Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco, CA

Events in New York City (& Beyond) You Shouldn’t Miss

Friday, March 16, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: Giving Good Chair You’ve attended a “Bootblacking 101” class, or two. You’ve sat down with your Daddy and learned the basics of a spit shine. You’ve interrogated your bootblack friends about what Huberd’s really is. Or maybe you haven’t done any of these things. Regardless of what you know about the process of bootblacking itself–the technicalities, if you will–this workshop won’t cover any of those things. This workshop will cover the nature of “giving good chair” in three parts: 1. The Basics, 2. Upping the Ante, 3. Fucking Without Sex. Start off by learning how to be attentive and a great conversationalist; move on to engage in sensual physical contact; and leave them wanting more with boot worship.

LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

Saturday, March 24th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks only. $15 before midnight, $20 afterBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

Thursday, March 29, 7-10pmGirl Talk: A Trans & Cis Dialogue. curated by Gina de Vries, Elena Rose, and Julia Serano. Queer cisgender women and queer transgender women are allies, friends, support systems, lovers, and partners to each other. Trans and cis women are allies to each other every day — from activism that includes everything from Take Back the Night to Camp Trans; to supporting each other in having “othered” bodies in a world that is obsessed with idealized body types; to loving, having sex, and building family with each other in a world that wants us to disappear.

Girl Talk is an annual spoken word show fostering and promoting dialogue about these relationships. Trans and cis women will read about their relationships of all kinds – sexual and romantic, chosen and blood family, friendships, support networks, activist alliances. Join us for a night of stories about sex, bodies, feminism, activism, challenging exclusion in masculine-centric dyke spaces, dating and breaking up, finding each other, and finding love and family.

San Francisco LGBT Community Center – Rainbow Room
1800 Market Street between Octavia & Laguna, San Francisco, CA
Tickets: $12-$20 (no one turned away) WEB / TIX (We strongly recommend that you get tix in advance – we sold out very fast last year.):

Thursday, March 29 to Sunday, April 1International Ms. Leather! That’s right, I’ll be in attendance this year, and I’m really thrilled. I don’t know all the details, but I’ll be around in general and I’m looking forward to seeing everyone. Say hi, if you see me.San Francisco, CA

Thursday, April 5, 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrelladiaries.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

I’m still booking a few more gigs for the spring, though my travel schedule is really full! I’d still like to get to Chicago, Portland, and Durham, so if any of you are in those cities and would like to help me get a gig, I would be oh so grateful.

Any events I missed? Add ’em in the comments.

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Say Please: Dirty Queer Sex Tour Kicks Off April 1 in San Francisco


IMsBB 2011 & Sugarbutch Present:
Dirty Queer Sex Reading
at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco
5pm on April 1, 2012

Featuring August InFlux, Amy Butcher, Andrea Zanin, Ashley Young, T.R. Moss, and rife, from Salacious Magazine: Leather issue; Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica; and Best Lesbian Erotica. Join us for an evening of debaucherous, dirty smut written by and for queers. Take a sexy break from a whirlwind of delicious leather, kink, and sex to additionally stimulate your … brains.

Hosted by KD Diamond, editor of Salacious Magazine and International Ms Bootblack 2011, & Sinclair Sexsmith, writer of the Sugarbutch Chronicles and editor of Say Please & Best Lesbian Erotica 2012

RSVP on Facebook!

The fabulous readers:

Amy Butcher is exactly that and when she isn’t wrestling with the responsibilities of that twist of nomenclatural destiny she writes, facilitates workshops and does massage in San Francisco. Her murder mystery Paws for Consideration was published in 2011. Find her at amybutcher.com

Andrea Zanin, a.k.a. Sex Geek, wears glasses when she fucks. For over a decade, she has been teaching about queer sexuality, polyamory and BDSM/leather for universities, colleges, sex shops, community groups and conferences in Canada, the States and internationally, and she takes an anti-oppression approach to all her work. Andrea is pursuing a PhD in women’s studies at York University with a focus on Canadian leatherdyke history. She writes about alternative sexuality for numerous newspapers and magazines, blogs at http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/, and pens erotic fiction (recently appearing in Tristan Taormino’s “Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica”). Andrea co-organizes the annual Canadian leatherdyke weekend An Unholy Harvest, runs a pervy book club called The Leather Bindings Society and judges the occasional leather contest (including IMsL 2009). She lives in Toronto and enjoys doing yoga, cultivating M/s relationships with exceptionally high-quality individuals, eating fine dark chocolate and wearing really nice shoes.

August InFlux (augustinflux.wordpress.com) is brand-new to the wonderful world of writing. By day, she wanders around San Jose State University (California) campus as Big Queer Activist. By night she hides in her Bat Cave and homeworks it up until the wee hours of the morning. On weekends, she dons the guise of a housewife and bakes up a storm in her apron and high heels. She loves being femme, as a boy or a girl, and thinks monogamy as it relates to her is silly.

Ashley Young aka Indigo is a sex blogger, educator and smut writer. She is the creator of Indigo’s Theory, a blog about her experiences as a poly queer black women navigating the BSDM/Kink Community in New York City and beyond. Indigo also writes a column called “Indigo’s Poly Beginnings” for Fearless Press, an online magazine about the intersection of life and sex. Her column focuses on the development of her polyamorous relationship with a partner Sara Vibes – International Ms Leather 2011, as well as her experience in the leather women’s community. Alongside her partner, she has taught workshops on sexuality and BDSM practices at Dark Odyssey: Fusion, International Mr. Leather 2011 and the LGBT Center in New York City and is a faculty member for Kink Academy, an online education resource for the BDSM community. Indigo’s erotic writing has been featured in Salacious Magazine Issue #2 and she is a contributor to “The Perverts of Color Anthology” to be published in 2012.

T.R. Moss’s erotica has appeared in various publications including Best Lesbian Erotica anthologies and most recently, Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica.

[rife] is a genderqueer leatherboy from Texas. They work as the lead artist for the GENDER book project, which is a visual primer on all things gender. When he isn’t doing that, he can be found doodling, pulling prints, welding, walking in the woods, or getting flogged by some butch hottie. Mel has a BA in studio arts from Rice University and even though he’s a recent transplant to Oakland, he will always be a cowboi at heart. Follow his work at www.thegenderbook.com or see more of rife’s art at www.rowdyferret.com.

And your hosts:

kd, International Ms Bootblack 2011, is equal parts bootblack to artist. The very nature of leathercare, leather worship, and leather community are all similar and connected to the core of being an artist. kd uses her art as a platform for conversation and education, and similarly uses her bootblacking as a means to support her community, open up dialogues about leather, and get her hands good and dirty. kd is also the creator of SALACIOUS, a queer feminist anti-racist sex magazine, looks to meld high art, stunning visuals, and written erotica. www.salaciousmagazine.com.

Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies and websites, including Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, she is the guest editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and her first full-length erotica anthology, Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, will be published by Cleis Press in April 2012. Mr. Sexsmith writes, teaches, and performs focusing on the subjects of sex, gender, and relationships. More information on her at mrsexsmith.com.

Me + Jiz Lee + Nenna Joiner at Smith College

Jiz Lee, Nenna Joiner, & me at Smith College last week

Thanks Adrienne for the photo (which I found on Tumblr)

So … Smith College was kind of an epic visit. It was snowing when I got there, which I just love, aside from that I’d brought my best leather city loafters and leather jacket and did not dress for it at all. Note to self: check the weather before traveling. Bird reminded me that the last time I was there, it was so hot that I couldn’t wear the sweater/button down/tie combo that I brought, so I ended up teaching in my tee shirt.

I was there for almost three days, and made some great friends in the Peer Sex Educator group who brought me. They swiped me into the dining halls for meals, brought me to a few of their classes (Women’s Sexuality and Black Queer Theory … both amazing!), invited me to a guitar sing-along circle (seriously y’all have got to learn Closer to Fine), took me out for drinks after, and generally showed me a good time. It was really fun to be able to have some actual time to hang with the students this time, since quite often I just show up at a college, do my workshop, and leave. It was really fun to pick their brains with questions like, what’s your relationship to your gender? How’s your sex life? What keeps you up at night? How has your gender evolved? I find it fascinating to hear those stories, and sometimes I offered my own perspectives, but most of the time I just try to listen.

I’m so grateful to be home for most of March. I’ll be at Rutgers for a sex & relationship conference, and at the Rainbow Book Fair here in NYC, then at International Ms. Leather in San Francisco at the end of the month, but for the most part I am looking forward to the next few weeks actually at home and inside a routine. My dad is even going to be in town! I’m looking forward to that, he’s a bit of a jokester and lots of fun. After that … well, April and May are probably going to be nuts. The book is due April 10th (omg the book! The book!!) and I’m headed to Boston, Seattle, Portland, and probably a few other places in those months. This is the busiest spring travel schedule I’ve ever had, so I’m not really sure how I’m going to deal with it and keep up with my own self-care, but I’m going to try.

I’m going to try to keep up with my writing, too, but as you can see, it’s a challenge. I used to think I could get writing done while I travel, but I think I am kind of giving up on that dream. I am so grateful for this patchwork freelance life I am putting together, but like any other life, it has it’s challenges.

I’m still booking for April and May, I still have some free time! I’d love to come visit your city, your college, your local community center, your sex toy store, if you feel inspired to bring me. I hope I can still get to Chicago and Durham, particularly. Get in touch with me if you want to start chatting about that!

‘Owning Your Birthday Suit’ Workshop in Seattle This Thursday

Butcher & I are teaching an embodiment workshop in Seattle this week particularly geared toward kinksters. It’s a great introduction to some of the embodied sexuality and sacred sexuality work that I’ve done with the Body Electric School for many years, and plus it’s just a fascinating experiment. Perhaps I’ll see you there?


Photo by Shilo McCabe (but we’re not actually as serious or mean as we look)

Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Kinksters, Freaks, and Other Sexual Mathletes
with Sugarbutch & Butcher
The Center for Sex Positive Culture Annex
1602 15th Ave W., Seattle, WA
7:00pm, $20.
RSVP on Facebook

Kinky, poly, leather, sex-positive, and other outlaw folks often find it easy to explore sex, but it might still be hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. These exercises are clothes-on and touch optional. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica is Coming To Your Town … Spring Tour 2012

It’s happening! Say Please readings and bookings have begun. So far, I have two dates:

April 12 – New York City at Bluestockings
April 22 – Boston, venue TBA

And a few more in progress, to be scheduled ASAP:
March 27 or April 1 – San Francisco
May 1/2 – Portland
May 3/7 – Seattle

I still don’t have dates for these, but I want to make it here in April/May:
Chicago
Durham, NC
Atlanta

If you’re interested in reading or helping me to create a reading in your city, please let me know ASAP! The easiest way for me to ensure that I can make it (especially to those three cities I have yet to book) is to get a gig at a college which can actually pay me. If you’ve got any contacts in these cities, please let me know.

What’s Happening In February

Everything.

Everything is happening in February. I hope you are excited to come out and see me, because I am going to be everywhere doing all the readings and workshops!

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Friday to Sunday, February 3-5Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women through the Body Electric School. Did you know that “cunt” means “holy well”?New York City. Contact me at [email protected] for more information.

Wednesday, February 8, show at 7pmThe Inspired Word performance series is excited to present a new event that will become a regular part of our calendar, Queer Apple: NYC GLBT Life in Poetry & Prose, featuring some of this city’s best GLBT writers/performers – Sinclair Sexsmith, Christa Orth, Ocean Vuong, Samantha Barrow, Kestryl Cael Lowery, Kelli Dunham, Brandon Lacy Campos, and Jessica Halem . In addition, there will be a 12-slot open mic (4 minutes each slot) to bring your own GLBT experience to the party. Must be GLBT themed. A night of transcendence of words through narrative, poetry, and humor. Hosted by Aimee Herman . Doors open for sign-up @ 6:30pm Show starts @ 7pm Cover Charge: $10 Read more here!116 (formerly The Gaslight Cafe) 116 MacDougal Street (between Bleecker Street and Minetta Lane) Downstairs Lounge Manhattan, NY 10012 (212) 254-9996 (917) 703-1512 By subway, take the A, B, C, D, E, F to West 4th Street-Washington Square

Thursday, February 9, 7:30pmFind a Valentine at the Best Erotica Reading! Celebrate sex love a few days early with readers from the books Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Best Gay Erotica 2012. Readers include: D.L. King, Ali Oh, Julia Noel Goldman, Deborah Castellano, Anne Grip, James Earl Hardy and Greg Norris! More to come (so to speak). Hosted by Kathleen Warnock & Sinclair Sexsmith. RSVP on FacebookBluestockings Bookstore, 172 Allen Street, New York, NY 10002, Lower East Side

Monday, February 13, 7:30pmworkshop at Columbia University! I think it’s Fucking With GenderColumbia University, upstate Manhattan, NY

Thursday, February 16, 7pmOwning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Better Sex Sugarbutch & Butcher are at it again! Join us for this introductory workshop about embodiment. Kinky, poly, leather, sex-positive, and other outlaw folks often find it easy to explore sex, but it might still be hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community.

This workshop will be with clothing on, touch optional. $20 at the door. RSVP on Facebook. Event details.

Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

The Center for Sex Positive Culture Annex
Seattle, WA

February 23, 7pmAmerican University workshop … I think it’s Fucking With Gender againWashington, DC

February 28 & March 1Workshop & Panel at Smith College!Northampton, MA

Events in New York City (& Beyond) You Shouldn’t Miss

Saturday, February 11th, 7-11pmBOXERS OFF! An Evening of Butch Burlesque–February Love Edition. Boxers Off! An Evening of Butch Burlesque invites you to join us as we explore representations of butch identity in a bold, new, sexy way. Lea Robinson emcees this evening of HOT burlesque from some of New York City’s finest performers! Who wouldn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day weekend with L Boogie and a few hot butches? Performers include the sexiness of Goldie Peacock, Drae Campbell/Miss Lez 2010, Elizabeth Whitney as Tricia Clayton Biltmore, Victoria Libertore as Liza, Ariel Speedwagon, Luscious Von Dykester, and Daddy T.Y.E.! Anna Charlotte will be here all the way from New Orleans to burn your britches! Stage Kittens for the evening will be Best Bites and Tom Cruiser. Join us for raffle fun, signature drinks, red light/green light, love advice, and of course your host L Boogie! A portion of the night’s proceeds will go to FIERCE, an organization building the leadership and power of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) youth of color in New York City!Stonewall Inn, New York City. Admission $10

Friday, February 17, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: The Fine Art of Dirty Talk with Amy Jo Goddard Feeling shy about talking dirty? Have a lover who wishes you would, but you sometimes clam up or struggle with obstacles to saying those sweet nasty things? Wish you could open the door to dirty words without shame? This workshop will be a fun exploration of dirty talk, why we like it, what we want from it and how to incorporate it with partners and make our scenes hotter. There is no one size fits all, so you’ll explore and practice what feels good for you, how to find common ground with your partners, and walk away with a bigger dirty vocabulary. Attendees can decide how much to participate but it will be guaranteed fun! C’mon’ say it like you mean it!LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

Saturday, February 25th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks only. $15 before midnight, $20 afterBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

Thursday, March 1, 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrelladiaries.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Saturday, March 3, 7pmQueer Memoir: Leather. New York’s only queer storytelling event is back with a special guest curator, Sassafras Lowrey, editor of the Kicked Out anthology and nationally known storyteller. This Leather themed storytelling evening is a benefit for Boston’s Write Here Write Now founded by Toni Amato. Announcing the amazing line-up of storytellers: Sinclair Sexsmith, Emily Millay-Haddad, Kelli Dunham, Ignacio Rivera, Sara Vibes, on Facebook.Queers For Economic Justice, 147 W. 24th St., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10011

I’m booking gigs for the spring (February through May), and I’m aiming for Boston, Chicago, Atlanta, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Durham, DC, and more. Want to bring me to your college or university or local bookstore or sex toy shop? I’d love to visit! Things that are important to know!

Any events I missed? Add ’em in the comments.

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Oh Hi! I’m Reading in NYC This Week

Hello Internet! I’m still here. I posted very little in January because I spent most of that month working on the Celebrating the Body Erotic for women workshop which happened this last week in New York City. It was beautiful and moving and intense and heart-wrenching and I might’ve seen a vision while we were doing one of the breathing exercises and it went incredibly well and I’m glad it’s over. It was very time consuming.

And now I’m gearing up for basically a full month of travel. It’ll probably mean I’m posting less this month, too. In fact, I’ve been so busy that I can’t even seem to finish the February calendar to post here! I have a lot of gigs this month—Columbia University in NYC, American in DC, Smith College in Northampton, the Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle—and I’m looking forward to them. I’ve been home since early December and I’m starting to get stir-crazy. I like that this little life I’ve been working on takes me other places. I love New York City (is that the first time I’ve said that? Possibly) but I can’t be here all the time. I start to feel so disconnected from the planet.

But I’m still kind of recovering from the workshop. All that energy work takes it out of me. Today, all I’d like to do is eat some dahl with spicy pickled mangoes and watch documentaries on the couch. I’ve given myself the last two days off, basically, to recover, and today it’s Back To Work time.

This week, before I go off to my travels, I’m doing two big readings in New York City. I haven’t really read poetry since Sideshow ended, and while I don’t have a ton of new poems to share, I am digging through my pieces and excited to get up and practice opening my heart on stage for a while. I love the Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 book so I’m looking forward to hearing more of those pieces out loud, and listening to some of the boys from Best Gay Erotica 2012 too. Plus, there will be a singles mixer! Come find a Valentine’s date.

I can’t seem to decide what to read tonight at the Queer Apple/Inspired Word event … I still have a few hours, so I’m gathering up the options. Looking over the poetry I’ve published here, there is certainly not too much that is recent. But I don’t mind dusting off some old pieces. Probably I’ll read the Butch Poem. Probably I’ll read The Right One. I’m not sure what else. Any requests?

Queer Apple: NYC GLBT Life in Poetry & Prose + Open Mic

The Inspired Word performance series is excited to present a new event that will become a regular part of our calendar, Queer Apple: NYC GLBT Life in Poetry & Prose, featuring some of this city’s best GLBT writers/performers – Sinclair Sexsmith, Christa Orth, Ocean Vuong, Samantha Barrow, Kestryl Cael Lowery, Kelli Dunham, Brandon Lacy Campos, and Jessica Halem. In addition, there will be a 12-slot open mic (4 minutes each slot) to bring your own GLBT experience to the party. Must be GLBT themed. A night of transcendence of words through narrative, poetry, and humor, hosted by Aimee Herman.

When: Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2012
Where: 116 (formerly The Gaslight Cafe)
116 MacDougal Street
(between Bleecker Street and Minetta Lane)
Downstairs Lounge
Manhattan, NY 10012
(212) 254-9996
(917) 703-1512
By subway, take the A, B, C, D, E, F to West 4th Street-Washington Square.

Doors open for sign-up @ 6:30pm
Show starts @ 7pm
Cover Charge: $10
RSVP on Facebook

Find a Valentine at the Best Erotica Reading

Need a valentine? Wear a heart if you’re single! Come hear some hot smut! Readers include: D.L. King, Ali Oh, Julia Noel Goldman, Anne Grip, James Earl Hardy and Greg Norris! More to come (so to speak).

7pm at Bluestockings Bookstore, Café, & Activist Center
172 Allen Street, New York, NY 10002
Lower East Side
RSVP on Facebook

In Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, women are looking for a little bit of everything: love, lust, and that special someone who brings both to bed. Lammy-nominated editor Kathleen Warnock and this year’s guest judge, acclaimed sex blogger Sinclair Sexsmith, have curated a collection that is waiting to lay bare your deepest desires. Best Gay Erotica 2012 captures the tension and raw energy of man-on-man desire in this collection of the hottest, freshest and most literary erotic fiction of the year. Editor Richard Labonté (and guest judge Larry Duplechan) share their tricks of the trade in this outstanding volume of craftsmanship and cockmanship.

Based in New York City, KATHLEEN WARNOCK is a playwright and editor whose work has appeared in several editions of Best Lesbian Erotica.

SINCLAIR SEXSMITH (mrsexsmith.com) runs the award-winning project Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net. Her work appears in Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme and Take Me There: Transgender and Genderqueer Erotica, among others. She is the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica.

What They Are Asking: A New Site for Sex Education

Megan Andelloux, who runs the Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health in Pawtucket, RI, and is one of my favorite sex educators, just launched a new project called What They Are Asking which features questions from students to sex educators, and some answers, too.

My “ask me anything” questions on Sugarbutch and advice column on SexIs Magazine has received quite a bit of feedback, so I know that y’all out there are looking for good, solid sex advice.

This project is a bit more 101 level than the things I usually focus on—butch and femme identity, radical masculinity, feminism and kink, topping and bottoming—but regardless, I’m looking forward to being part of this great selection of educators, which includes Buck Angel and Charlie Glickman, among others.

The press release:

Megan Andelloux, also known as “Oh Megan”, is proud to participate in a new project and website aimed at increasing awareness of the state of sexuality education in the United States, titled “What They Are Asking”. Born out of the experiences of adult sexuality educators, WTAA serves as a collective, community-driven response to the question, “Why do adults need sex education?” WTAA seeks to respond to important questions concerning the necessity of comprehensive sex education and highlights the ways that the United States’ lack of comprehensive sex education in youth leads to sexually misinformed adults.

First and foremost, the “What They Are Asking” web project involves the daily posting of three question cards, each featuring a question submitted anonymously during various adult sex education lectures and workshops throughout the country. These cards represent the vast multitude of concerns, issues, and questions adults have about sex and sexuality. According to Megan Andelloux, founder and director of The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health and co-founder of WTAA, “Sharing [these questions] with a wider audience will let these authentic voices demonstrate the importance of our work as sexuality educators and the true need for quality, comprehensive sex education.”

The second component of WTAA is a fun, interactive educational component: viewers of WTAA will be able to vote on the question they would most like answered that week. Once the votes are tallied, a sexuality educator with relevant expertise will write or upload a video in response to the question with the most votes. The WTAA project will feature educators from many different components in the field of human sexuality, with specialties as gender, sexual medicine, relationships, self-esteem, and more.

Sexuality educators involved in “What They Are Asking” hope that this project will eventually go on to be used by policy makers to advocate for comprehensive sex education within both primary and secondary school systems.

Check it out: What They Are Asking.com

B is for Beautiful Photos by Syd London

I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts folder for a week or so now, and I can’t figure out what to write to go along with Syd’s slideshow.

Syd’s collection of photos of Cheryl on Flickr

These are the photos from Cheryl’s memorial, B is for Beautiful, taken by Syd London, who is a dear friend of mine and who photographed me and Cheryl for Sideshow promotion, the first Sideshow, and the last Sideshow, as well as a few other significant shoots of Cheryl’s—like her lesbian headshaving ritual. So many, in fact, that Syd created an entire collection of Cheryl B. photo shoots on Flickr.

Emceeing the memorial was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I am so glad to have had some tantra and “holding space” training, because I totally cast a circle and grounded energy and did all of that. I wanted a container that could hold our grief, if even just for the afternoon. It was funny and fun and tragic and intense, just like Cheryl, and I think it was a really beautiful celebration of her life. Here’s what I read at the memorial.

Kelli submitted one of Syd’s shots to the New York Times “The Lives They Loved” series that is online and selectively printed in the NYT Magazine on Christmas annually, and submitted this shot of Cheryl, Kelli, Diana Cage, and me.

Kelli wrote:

When my partner Cheryl B was diagnosed with hodgkin’s disease last fall and was preparing for chemo that would cause her to lose her beautiful black hair, a friend suggested a “good ol’ fashioned lesbian headshaving ceremony.” We had friends over, made food, and shaved Cheryl’s head. There are many photos of Cheryl performing, engaged in political actions, organizing events. All these are important but I also want to remember her like this: loved, loving, happy, embracing the radical love of her chosen family and the queer (in a myriad of ways) community she had gathered around her.

If that’s not some radical infiltrating, I don’t know what is. And also, who else had photos of fishnets and cleavage? Amazing. Kelli tells the story about how she made the fact checker say “good ol’ fashioned lesbian headshaving ceremony” no less than four times:

Young fact checker dude: So, it says “when Cheryl became ill with hodgkins, her friends suggested a good old fashioned lesbian headshaving ceremony?”

Me: Oh I am sorry, my dog was barking, could you repeat that last part? (no dog had barked)

YFCD: Good old fashioned lesbian head shaving?

Me: Oh shit, you know how iPhones are, you cut out, could you repeat that again?

YFCD: Good old fashioned (sigh) lesbian head shaving.

Me: Oh I’m sorry, I still didn’t catch it.

YFCD: Good. Old. Fashioned. Lesbian. Head. Shaving.

Me: Oh yeah, of course. Yes.

I can see Cheryl rolling her eyes, too, so easily, at that she had to die in order to get into the New York Times—but I think she would’ve been very pleased about this little write-up. And I think she would like Syd’s collection of the beautiful photos of her, with her big love Kelli and with friends and fans and community, and I think she would have loved the memorial.

Miss you, Cheryl. Every day.

Back at Tomcats, Gotta Get a Haircut

Finding a new barber is always one of those daunting new city tasks, but I’m so glad I’m not going through that anymore, because Tomcats is my steady go-to. Retro cuts! And really great product. And hey look, they even do girl cuts—this is me & Kristen while she’s getting a trim and I’m already done. Next time you’re coming to New York City, instead of getting a cut right before you leave, maybe you would want to make an appointment to go see them the day you arrive. Seriously, they do the best hair I’ve ever had. Look ’em up, Tomcats Barber Shop in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

Sugarbutch Star Winner: blacknblu, The Pink Dress

Alright it’s official, we have a winner:

Congratulations, blckndblue! Thank you for the premise behind the story The Pink Dress. Over 100 people voted, and your story was their favorite, by a narrow margin.

“Was there something that you wanted? Sir?” She adds the last word in a low, sweet voice and my cock pulses. I drop my hand holding the glass to my side. Extending her arms around my neck, she draws closer to me. I can smell the sticky sweet of her lipstick. I lick my lips. Swallow again. My mouth is dry. I lift my arm, take a swig of the whiskey, and it goes down like a knife. She offers me her lips when I drop the glass again, whispering right up next to mine but not touching. She waits. I kiss her and her mouth is like candy, like being enveloped in silk. My knees go weak again and I lean against the wall to hold myself up. Her lipstick is a smear on my mouth and I don’t care. She leaves a trail of lip prints along my jaw and to the curve of my neck and I don’t care. She is devouring me one kiss at a time and I don’t care. My whole body shudders between her and the wall, held up by both.

She pulls on my earlobe between her lips before she whispers in my ear, “I would like to suck your cock now.” It’s almost a question, almost asking for permission, she knows that’s usually how it works, but this time it is more of a statement of intent. I notice she doesn’t say “sir” but I don’t care. She’s calling the shots now. She drags her body down mine and her skirt fans out around her legs as she kneels in front of me. She looks up, hands on her thighs, and waits, lips parted a little, lipstick smeared and thick which makes her mouth look even more swollen. I breathe deep, trying to focus. I’m supposed to do something. I manage to set the glass of whiskey down on the side table nearby and unbuckle my belt, unzip my pants, pull out my cock. She sits up on her knees to get it lined up with her mouth. … Read more

And now, to announce your prize …

  • “Sugarbutch Star” pin
  • Copy of the Sugarbutch Star collection ebook (due out Summer 2012!)
  • A story of your choice recorded by me for your listening pleasure
  • … And since I’m aiming to be in your city this spring, I hope we can make a date to have a drink

Thanks to everyone who voted and read the stories.

Femme Conference Call for Workshops + Bay Area Event Tonight

Now’s the time to start saving to attend the Femme Conference in Baltimore in August, to start thinking about what event or film or performance or whatever that you might want to bring, and to make it happen. I know traveling is really hard for folks who are far, but (how many times do I have to say this) IT IS WORTH IT.

Make it happen. Invest in yourself.

Attending these identity conferences that have been showing up lately have significantly changed the way I feel about butch and femme identity, have deepened my own relationship to myself and to others, and have deepened my understanding about how these genders work and the work we need to do to elevate our conversations and make gender hurt less in all the ways. If you’re wondering if it’s worth it, I’ll say it again: it’s worth it. It’s worth it, and more. It’s worth being there even though five of your exes will be there. It’s worth going even if you aren’t sure if you identify as femme. It’s worth going if you just love femmes and you aren’t femme yourself but you want to support and learn. It’s worth going if you have to put $50 a month away for the next seven months. It’s worth it.

Also, please submit awesome workshops and performances, because I want to participate in mind-blowing smart queer badass fierce subtle amazing groundbreaking new stuff while I’m there. Please and thank you.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

National Call for Submissions & SF Event!
Call for Workshops, Papers, Panels, Films, Performance, and Visual Art
Femme2012: Pulling the Pieces Together
Baltimore, MD
August 17-19, 2012
www.femmecollective.com

Femme2012: Pulling the Pieces Together is a multi-threaded conference and forum for those who think about, talk about, and create Femme as a queer gender and identity.

Following our Femme2006, 2008, and 2010 conferences in San Francisco, Chicago, and Oakland, where hundreds of femmes and allies gathered for workshops, panels, films, visual art galleries, and performances, we again invite femmes of all kinds and their allies to continue the conversation by participating in Femme 2012 as presenters and participants.We are invested in having Femme2012 continue to reflect the diversity and complexity of femme gender, identity, and contributions. We hope for this conference to be a community-building event, as well as an exploration and celebration of what it means to build and live queer femme identities.

Submissions of all kinds are welcome, particularly submissions by Femmes. We are committed to having our presenters reflect as many different voices from within our Femme community(ies) as possible. We aim to prioritize and centralize the experiences of historically marginalized groups, including but not limited to people of color, working-class people, fat folks, trans and gender-non-conforming people, elders, youth, previously incarcerated individuals, people without documentation, and people with dis/abilities. Femme2012 will continue the community dialogues from Femme2006, Femme2008, and Femme2010. In particular, we hope that the intersections of femme with race, region, class, access, dis/ability, privilege, oppression, and marginalization will be talked about, given space, meditated upon, constructed, and deconstructed.

In addition, we encourage submissions based on this year’s theme: Pulling the Pieces Together.

We began this conference in 2006 out of a desire to see femme explored and discussed from a variety of perspectives. We wanted a conference that held the complexities of Queer Femme as its central focus, while building community. Building on the dialogue and momentum of past conferences, in 2012 we hope to explore how femmes pull the pieces together. Through discussion and performance, we hope to explore both our individual and shared journeys to femme and how we honor femme in ourselves and others. How do we arrive at our femme/inine identities? How do we celebrate the joys and challenges along those journeys? Please join us in 2012 as we share our stories of pulling the pieces together.

We hope to draw participants from across disciplinary, medium, and social boundaries. We encourage submissions from anyone interested, regardless of gender or sexual identity. We are interested in solo submissions, as well as groups, panels, and collaborations. We are looking for well-thought-out, well-planned submissions that recognize and respect the array of Queer Femme experience, and we are interested in work that challenges systems of oppression.

We are soliciting contributions from anyone interested, including (but not limited to):
> workshops
> panel presentations
> performances
> research presentations
> skill shares
> activist & organizational topics
> visual art
> video or film (please see below for the film call for submissions)

The submission deadline is April 15, 2012. For information about specific submissions requirements and to submit your proposal, please visit www.femme2012.com.

To learn more about us, to read our mission, and to contact us with any questions, comments or concerns, please find us at www.femme2012.com or on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/groups/femmeconference/.

2012 FEMME FILM FESTIVAL at FEMME2012
In addition, this year the Femme Collective encourages all femmes (regardless of experience) to consider making and submitting a short film to the 2012 Femme Film Festival that will be taking place at Femme2012. We want to challenge you tell your story from *your* eyes. All you need is a camera (even an iPhone is good enough!) and we’ll even help mentor you along the way! It could be narrative-based, documentary, animated or some kind of in-between. How you choose to make it is yours – but the film must be made by a femme (or group of femmes) and about being femme. In order to help you get started, please include one or more of the following prompts in planning your femme-tastic short film:
– What does Femme mean to you?
– How did you come to / learn you were Femme?
– Misconceptions of Femme and how to change them
– Femme Invisibility
– Being Femme because *we* are Femme (and not because our body looks a certain way)

Submissions for the Femme Film Festival must be under 12 minutes in length. The shorter, the better — so we can fit more films into our final program! All film submissions are due July 15, 2012, to give you ample time to finish your film. Do not let your lack of experience stop you from making a film! We will not be judging films based on fancy equipment – we’re looking for honest, brave and real stories about *your* experience of being femme. So break out that iPhone or Flip Camera and start shooting! If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail Ellie (our film chair) at [email protected]

Attn: Bay Area Femmes & Allies! Special Femme Con Happy Hour at El Rio THIS FRIDAY!
Join us at El Rio this Friday, Jan. 20th, from 4-6pm for a very special Femme 2012 Conference Happy Hour! For every drink ordered at the bar during these two hours, 100% of the proceeds will go directly to funding the conference! Come drink & be merry with friends and loved ones all while supporting the all-volunteer run Femme Collective and the wider Femme community!

Need more incentive? How about free oysters, amazing drink specials, and FREE ADMISSIONS to the Red Hots Burlesque show starting at 7:30pm? Order up your Pink Lady or your Shirley Temple, then watch Dottie Lux, Isis Starr, Ava Lavendar and more shimmy-shake for the Femme Con crowd!

Come on down and support the Femme Conference! It will be the easiest fundraiser you attend all year!

El Rio is located at 3158 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA. – www.elriosf.com

LSM = Awesome BDSM Education for Women & Trans Folks in NYC

I’m on the board of the Lesbian Sex Mafia these days as programming co-chair. It’s been really fun to bring in presenters from the queer sex (internet) world, and since it’s more of a leather/old guard kind of group, many of the younger kinky queer educators haven’t taught there before. It’s pretty amazing that it’s been going on since the 1980s and that it’s still running today, and the meetings are a combination of socializing, cruising (let’s be honest), skill building, and community, which I really like. I’ve met some great folks there from attending sporadically over the years, and I’ve learned a ton. They are also incredibly inclusive, and workshops are open to women and trans folks who identify with the lesbian community.

LSM is also seeking new presenters for the 2012 season. More information here or at the bottom of this post.

If I’m in town when the monthly 3rd Friday workshop happens, I always attend. It’s a great thing to do for folks who are coming in from out of town and want to check out the scene in this big city, too. The next one is tomorrow!

January 20th: Negotiation for the Hopelessly Shy and Terribly Awkward with Mollena Williams

Negotiation of scenes can be tough on people who are adept at bargaining, expressing their needs, wants, and desires. so how is this gauntlet to be run by those of us perverts who are super shy or kind of awkward when it comes to saying “I need…” or “I won’t…” or giving the dreaded “No”?? Join Mollena Williams, Closeted Shy Freak ™  as she shares some techniques that can help even the most awkward kinkster battle their own personal hurdles and insure that your needs are met, your expectations expressed more clearly, and that your scenes are satisfying for all parties! Bring your questions (jot ‘em down if you are to shy to ask!) and we’ll brainstorm ways to help you on your own journey to openness, clear communication and awesomeness!

Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave)
When: Friday, January 20, 2012; 8:00-10:00PM
Cost: LSM Members: $5/Non Members: $10

About Mollena Williams

This “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator and Executive Pervert.  She is extremely honored, humbled and proud to have served as International Ms Leather 2010. She is also thrilled to have been named Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 after that contest’s decade long slumber. She’s won Woman of the Year AND Northern California Regional Awards!

With over 12 years of experience in the BDSM and Alternative community she frequently travels nationally, teaching Leather Lifestyle Classes. Her work has been published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter, The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. She was interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, and the award winning documentary Vice & Consent. She also get all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage.“ Her essay entitled “BDSM and Race Play” was published in Best Sex Writing 2010.

Her background includes a lifetime of training and involvement in the performing arts, which include spoken word, classical theater, dance, performance art, and all manner of stagecraft.

A founding member of Crowded Fire Theater Company, Mo blogs on http://mollena.com and is the  author of the “Toybag Gude: Taboo Play.” Her essays appear in 2 anthologies curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel:  ”BDSM and Race Play” appears in “Best Sex Writing 2010,” and “Kiss my Boots” is featured in  ”The Lust Chronicles.”  Her challenging essay on “race play” is featured in“Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink” edited by Lee Harrington. Not one but two essays  commissioned by Tristan Taormino will be appearing in the upcoming book, “The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex.”  Mollena is pleased and delighted to be a featured educator with The Kink Academy, where you can see clips of her speaking on various and sundry topics!

February 17: The Fine Art of Dirty Talk with Amy Jo Goddard

Feeling shy about talking dirty? Have a lover who wishes you would, but you sometimes clam up or struggle with obstacles to saying those sweet nasty things? Wish you could open the door to dirty words without shame? This workshop will be a fun exploration of dirty talk, why we like it, what we want from it and how to incorporate it with partners and make our scenes hotter. There is no one size fits all, so you’ll explore and practice what feels good for you, how to find common ground with your partners, and walk away with a bigger dirty vocabulary. Attendees can decide how much to participate but it will be guaranteed fun! C’mon’ say it like you mean it!

Where: The LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), NYC
When: Friday, January 17, 2012; 8:00-10:00PM
Cost: LSM Members: $5/Non Members: $10

About Amy Jo Goddard

Amy Jo Goddard dedicates her life’s endeavors to helping people explore and improve their sexual lives. She has written and produced her plays about the vulva and dominatrixes, she has hosted web programs on women’s sexuality, she has taught first graders to college students about sexuality, and has been featured in Betty Dodson videos. A professional trainer of sexuality professionals, medical students, college students and youth for fifteen years, she has taught courses relating to sexuality at the City University of New York and the University of California at Santa Barbara and has presented internationally at conferences and kink community events like Dark Odyssey. She launched her intensive program for women in 2010, the Women’s Sexually Empowered Life program. She is co-author of Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men and her article about queer performance artists and activism was published in 2007 in the Social Justice Journal. She is director/producer of the forthcoming documentary, At Your Cervix. Amy Jo maintains a private sex & relationship coaching practice and travels to colleges and universities speaking about sexuality. She was chosen by GO! Magazine as one of “100 Women We Love” in 2010. She can be found online at www.amyjogoddard.com.

Call for Presenters

Please circulate widely!
Do you have a kinky skill you’d like to share, a BDSM concept you’d like to teach, or a great idea for a leather panel you’d like to organize and speak on? The Lesbian Sex Mafia in New York City, the oldest continuously running women’s BDSM support and education groups in the country, is actively seeking women & trans folks who are identified with the lesbian community to present for our 2012 workshop calendar. Past topics have included piercing and stapling, M/s and D/s relationships, fisting, sensation play, takedowns, single tails, and more.

We meet monthly on the 3rd Friday at the LGBT Community Center in NYC and would gladly include out of town presenters who will be in town on that date.

If you’d like to present for LSM, simply download the Presenter Guidelines which includes information about the program evening schedule and our modest compensation, and fill out the online Presentation Proposal form.

About the Lesbian Sex Mafia

LSM is a support and information group for all women 18 years of age or older, including transexual and intersexed women who live their daily lives as women and all female born transgender people who feel they have a connection with and respect for the women’s community, and who are interested in fantasy and role playing, bondage, discipline, S/M, fetishes, costumes, alternate gender identities and uninhibited sexual expression in a safe, sane, consensual and confidential way. We are not a social service agency; however, we are interested in providing information, encouragement and general support. Our principles are few but basic: confidentiality, consensuality, safety and the right of women to explore their sexuality as they choose. lesbiansexmafia.org for more information.

Free Alpha Femmes #pornparty Tomorrow! And You’re Invited

Y’all didn’t forget about the #pornparty tomorrow, did you?

All of you folks who are going, “I WISH!” right now, well—you CAN. This isn’t an in-person event in New York City, this event is virtual, happening online. All you need is a net connection and some time to yourself (or, some friends or roommates who are into watching queer porn.)

It’s a worldwide gathering on Twitter of folks who like queer porn. I pick a porn for us to all watch together, then we all log on at 6pm PST / 9pm EST, press play at precisely that time, and follow the hashtag #pornparty while we watch the film for commentary and discussion. If you want to join in, make sure you have your own Twitter account, too, and tag your posts with the hashtag so we’ll all see them.

NOTE! If your Twitter account is private, we won’t be able to see your #pornparty tweets show up under the hashtag. If you want to join in on the conversation (hope you do!), you may have to unprotect your Twitter account.

Tomorrow night, we’ll be watching Alpha Femmes through Hot Movies For Her, and viewing this film is completely free. You don’t have to buy it or download it or purchase VOD minutes to watch it with us. You will need a HotMoviesForHer.com account (which requires a credit card for verification purposes), and simply use the code “AlphaFemmes” (which IS case sensitive) when you sign up and you’ll receive 90 minutes free to watch with us! Those 90 minutes will expire Tuesday morning, so watch ’em quick!

So all you have to do is:
1. Make a HotMoviesForHer.com account, if you don’t have one
2. Use the code “AlphaFemmes” to get 90 free minutes
3. Tune in tomorrow night! January 16th at 6pm PST, 9pm EST
4. Enjoy the film with us
5. Follow & contribute to the Twitter discussion with the hashtag #pornparty

You can also follow me (@mrsexsmith) as well as some of the porn stars in the film, like @fatty_d, @sydblakovich, @jizlee, @playwithpuck, @girlvert, @sarahleesinful, @akiraraine, @cadencestjohn, Alpha Femme’s director & producer @annadevia, and of course our fabulous #pornparty host, @hotmovies4her on Twitter.

Anna Devia is giving away 5 signed copies of the Alpha Femmes DVD at 6pm—right when we start the #pornparty—on Twitter, so go on over to her Twitter account and follow her or RT her to enter to win one of them.

So, are you game? Who’s in?

I’m planning to do more of these this year, so: are there any other queer porn films you’re dying to see? I will take requests.

eLust #32 includes my story “The Pink Dress”

Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as libido, fake orgasms, teenage lust, voyeurism, BDSM consent and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #33? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

The Top Three Posts

Assent Matters by SherynBFind your emotional power to recognize and say “no” to what you don’t want BEFORE you get naked and tied up and give up your actual physical power to walk away to anybody.

Forever The Night‘Why the hell shouldn’t I listen? This is my home, my bedroom after all’. So I do listen and I do feel myself twitch at every minute sound on the other side of that fucking wall.

Hands. Fingers. Pleasure.This was the first time a boy’s fingers had such unfettered access to my pussy. Prior gropings under and through clothes had never been like this.

e[lust] Editress

The Fake Orgasm: You think you know, but you have no ideaI am 34 and I have faked orgasms. There ya have it. But I have never and will never qualify doing so as “I did it for him”.

Featured Post (Picked by Lilly)

Sadie Says… AwakeIn the haze of my missing libido I also lost myself. I began to wonder if I remembered who the hell I was?

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

It’s 2012, Let’s Have a Porn Party

Remember how I used to throw a #pornparty on Twitter every once in a while? Let’s do that again, that was fun.

What is a #pornparty, you ask? Well, it’s a worldwide gathering on Twitter of folks who like queer porn. Simply tune in, press play, and then follow the hashtag #pornparty while you watch for commentary and discussion. If you want to join in, make sure you have your own Twitter account, too (and make sure it’s unlocked for the evening if you want others to see your tweets!) and tag your posts with the hashtag so we’ll all see them.

We’ll be watching something through Hot Movies For Her, and viewing this film will be completely free. You don’t have to buy it or download it or purchase VOD minutes to watch it with us. You will need a HotMoviesForHer.com account (which requires a credit card for verification purposes), and simply use the access code (to be announced). When you sign up and you’ll receive 90 minutes free to watch! Those 90 minutes will expire the next day.

So don’t you want to know what we’ll be watching?

Um HELLO … that is going to be fucken hot.

Alpha Femmes, a film by Anna Devia. alphafemmes.com.

Anna Devia brings her latex-clad fetish femmes to life in her stunning, directorial debut, entitled “Alpha Femmes”. Starring April Flores, Ashley Blue, Akira Raine, & Sarah Lee Sinful as the beautifully brutal Alphafemmes, along with Jiz Lee, Syd Blakovich, Puck Goodfellow, and Cadence St. John as their submissive counterparts. Featuring 4 kinky & queer vignettes, including: Relentless Mistress Akira with Puck Goodfellow as her boot-worshipping, foot fetish subboi; Smoldering hot Sarah Lee’s smoking & shaving fetish scene with Cadence St. John; LA’s anal superstar Ashley Blue & SF’s badass Syd Blakovich in a steamy dildo-gagged anal facefuck; and BBW goddess April Flores, with Jiz Lee as her exotic pet in this exquisitely erotic saki-fueled scene, set against the backdrop of a rainy Japanese garden.

Come join us—by which I mean me and Kristen, I guess, since that’s really all I can guarantee will show up to this #pornparty—while we watch this queer porn flick (for free!) (and in the privacy of our own homes) and chat about it.

Alpha Femmes Twitter #pornparty
Brought to you by HotMoviesForHer.com (& me!)
Monday, January 16th
6pm PST/9pm EST
Access code TBA

What other queer porn should the #pornparty watch in 2012? Personally, I want to watch Twisted Getaway, Brunch Bunch, and Doing It Ourselves.

… So? Are you in?

Your Favorite Sugarbutch Star Smut Story—Vote!

Once upon a time, I ran a little contest, and the “winner” got a little prize. The real point was to get me inspired to write some smut, but asking readers to pick their favorite was fun, so let’s do that again, now that the Sugarbutch Star Contest #2 is done.

Which story is your favorite?


Eileen: HER BEST LINE

Her place is nearby. It’s why she chose that bar – to interview me before taking me home. She planned the whole thing. Those were here best lines back there. She wants me, and she’s willing to work for it. I like that.

She locks the door behind us, positioning herself next to me, taking a few steps like it’s a dance and she’s leading so I follow, and then my back is against the door and she’s sighing and flipping her hair and waiting for me to kiss her.

So I do.

She tastes like cream. Smooth, just a tiny bit of thickness, mostly ease and softness. She waits for me to guide her. To show her how I like to be kissed. She doesn’t rush in and thrust her tongue, just makes herself warm, wet, open, available.

I let desire increase slowly. Start soft as I get a grip on her hips, her lower back cradled in my forearm, fingers eagerly pulling at the thin fabric of her dress. She lets it get stronger in me, slides her ankle against my calf as she wraps one leg around mine low. I start growling a little, that ravaging tone that is not quite a moan, but a hunger, building.

She arches her back, gasps, cries out, leans into me like she’s nuzzling, and starts laughing, delighted. “Fuck,” she says and looks at me, catches my gaze, then gets shy and looks down. She fingers my buckle.

“Unbuckle your belt?” she says. And I take it back – that’s her best line. … Read more

Matt: ALL FIVE SENSES

She glances to where I just was and sees my small stack of books, but she lost track of me. Her eyebrows curl for just a moment, and she glances around the other direction but there’s no one there either. We’re alone – she thinks she’s alone. I hold my breath and try not to move. I know it’s voyeuristic of me, but she is in public. She must know someone could possibly see her. That must be part of the thrill.

She shifts, knees together, pulls her feet closer to her body, and I catch the sight of her simple white cotton panties between her legs, thin, so thin I can nearly see through them. She pushes her skirt up her thighs just a bit farther and slides her hand into them. The fabric strains.

Her fingers move slowly and she keeps her eyes on the pages of the book. Clearly a good one, I wonder what she’s reading, if its contents are queer or kinky, if she’s thinking about the taste of sweat and salty skin, the sounds of moans that emerge out of places where bodies collide, the sight of a fist disappearing at the wrist, the sting of an open-palm smack on the ass or cheek or cunt, the scent of desire, like musk, like the ocean, like a fertile ground.

Her fingers move faster. Hair falls into her eyes and her jaw drops open just a little. (Really, this is really happening?) Her lips pinken, eyelids flutter as her eyes dart across the page. Her strong thighs are quivering a little and I can see if I fucked her she’d want them pressed together, bent deep at the hips. It’s the way her knees want to close but her hand is in the way.

My hand goes to my zipper. (Should I?) … Read more

Greg: THE STUDY DATE

I push her back against the door of the classroom the second she closes it, catching her jaw by surprise, my hand over her mouth. “Is this what you wanted? You want me up against you like this?”

Corinne’s knees go weak and her eyes widen, looking up at me softly under her short red hair which curled around her chin in a blunt bob, the bangs across her forehead making her look like a model from the thirties. Her ivory blouse is loose and silky against her skin, a bit fallen to one side, showing the edges of a lace camisole.

I bet she’s already wet.

“You’ve been trying to get me alone all semester. Did you think I didn’t know what you wanted, when you asked me to study with you after class?” I speak softly against her neck, let her feel my breath, hot, against her skin. … Read more

Maze: THE GIRL IN THE RED DRESS

I catch a whiff of her perfume as she walks by. Dizzying, intoxicating. The swish of her skirt. I watch her little toe-heel trot down the aisle. My body acts without my mind and I reach for her. My hand on her hip. Lightly at first, but then she doesn’t pull away and I grab her harder. Both hands and I stand, pull her toward me, her back to me, and she is still. I can’t see her face but I can feel her breath through my hands, she’s holding it. Surprised. Waiting.

I lift her skirt in the back to reveal her perfect ass. A work of art. A combination of genetics and squats and hundreds of hours at the gym. She knows it. She’s bare under her red dress, no panties, no stockings. Perhaps that’s what she forgot. I can’t resist, I palm the apple of her ass, caress the flesh, spreading her cheeks and opening her slit.

She lets out her breath, finally, and it comes with a breathy moan, just a little.

And I’m gone. The slightest noise from her lips and all I can feel is what it’ll be like to be inside her, to feel her body curl around my arm and buck and thrash and grasp as she comes. I’ve got to feel it. Got to make her. … Read more

blckndblue: THE PINK DRESS

“Was there something that you wanted? Sir?” She adds the last word in a low, sweet voice and my cock pulses. I drop my hand holding the glass to my side. Extending her arms around my neck, she draws closer to me. I can smell the sticky sweet of her lipstick. I lick my lips. Swallow again. My mouth is dry. I lift my arm, take a swig of the whiskey, and it goes down like a knife. She offers me her lips when I drop the glass again, whispering right up next to mine but not touching. She waits. I kiss her and her mouth is like candy, like being enveloped in silk. My knees go weak again and I lean against the wall to hold myself up. Her lipstick is a smear on my mouth and I don’t care. She leaves a trail of lip prints along my jaw and to the curve of my neck and I don’t care. She is devouring me one kiss at a time and I don’t care. My whole body shudders between her and the wall, held up by both.

She pulls on my earlobe between her lips before she whispers in my ear, “I would like to suck your cock now.” It’s almost a question, almost asking for permission, she knows that’s usually how it works, but this time it is more of a statement of intent. I notice she doesn’t say “sir” but I don’t care. She’s calling the shots now. She drags her body down mine and her skirt fans out around her legs as she kneels in front of me. She looks up, hands on her thighs, and waits, lips parted a little, lipstick smeared and thick which makes her mouth look even more swollen. I breathe deep, trying to focus. I’m supposed to do something. I manage to set the glass of whiskey down on the side table nearby and unbuckle my belt, unzip my pants, pull out my cock. She sits up on her knees to get it lined up with her mouth. … Read more

What’s Happening in December

November was huge.

I mean like gigantic. I don’t think I even understand everything that happened in November. December means things are slowing down a bit, thank goodness, because I need time to integrate. There’s so much coming up in the spring for me, but for now, just a few exciting things.

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Monday, December 5, 2011Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Queers, Genderqueers, & Other Outlaws: Queer, genderqueer, trans, and outlaw folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY. gaycenter.org

Thursday, December 15, 7pmBest Lesbian Erotica 2012 release party at Drunken! Careening! Writers! Featuring: Amy Butcher, Deborah Castellano, Julia Noel Goldman, Anne Grip, D.L. King, Ali Oh, Xan West, Introduced by Sinclair Sexsmith, With your hostess (and series editor) Kathleen Warnock. Join us for our annual holiday tradition at Drunken! Careening! Writers! Each December, we celebrate the publication of Best Lesbian Erotica, because we’re religious that way. Copies of the book will be on sale. Buy one for grandma! Contributors from near and far are congregating on our little corner of the East Village to read from their work, including this year’s Guest Editor, the lovely & talented Sinclair Sexmith. Drunken! Careening! Writers! is a reading series based on the proposition that all readings should be by: 1) Good Writers; 2) Who read their work well; 3) Something in it makes people laugh (nervous laughter counts). And 15 minutes tops. For more information, please email [email protected], visit www.kathleenwarnock.com, or follow me on Twitter @kwarnockny.KGB Bar, 85 E 4th St, New York, NY 10003, East Village. Free!

Events in New York City You Shouldn’t Miss

Thursday, December 1, 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrellaproject.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Friday, December 2, 7pmRuckus reading series: Ruckus is a reading series showcasing the work of Queer and Transgender writers, artists, and performers of color. Curated by kay ulanday barrett and Victor Tobar, Ruckus features some of the most dynamic QTPOC artists, we strive to create a space of safety, integrity, and artistry. This month’s Ruckus features Ashley Phillips, Kirya Traber, and Tara Shuai.Bluestockings Bookstore, 172 Allen Street, New York, NY 10002

Saturday, December 10, 10pm“Why is the Fat one Always Angry?” Kelli Dunham’s CD Recording party in SF! Kelli Dunham is a genderqueer Brooklyn based ex-nun nerdcomic; a Wisconsin farmboi transplant who juxtaposes midwestern friendliness with New York attitude in a way that has been described as both “horrifying” and “hilarious.” In “Why Is The Fat One Always Angry” (her sixth one person show and her third comedy CD) she continues on her quest to make comedy where slam poetry dares not tread. The show will address the important questions of our time, such as: Why were there so many failed tubal ligations the year Kelli was born? Is it okay to call your mom for the sole purpose of obtaining comedy material? How is the Bible like the DSM? What does being over 40 have to do with dead rabbits and the butch ego? How many library books can one person take on vacation anyway?IN SAN FRANCISCO, The Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission Street (btwn 18th & 19th Sts), San Francisco, CA 94110

Friday, December 16, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: Leather Storytelling with Sassafras Lowrey. Leather Storytelling is about taking ownership of why we find solace, and pleasure in the things that we do, and coming out of the shadows to make our voices heard. This workshop is designed for all variety of folks who find leather to be a driving force in their lives regardless of context or dynamic(s). The workshop is not specifically about writing porn/erotica though of course sexually explicit themes are welcome, but rather this is focused on telling the stories of our dynamics, of our communities, and of ourselves. Leather Storytelling is focused on exploring what it means to tell our stories when as leather folk we are often silenced, and pushed out of even the most progressive spaces who deem us as inappropriate or obscene. Through guided writing exercises, workshop participants will discover the transformative power of storytelling and how it can be used to break down divides, foster and preserve community, and build coalitions within leather community and beyond.LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

Saturday, December 17th,L Boogie Productions presents, Boxers Off: An Evening of Butch Burlesque, with your emcee—L Boogie. Join us as we explore representations of butch identity in a bold, new, sexy way. Lea Robinson, as L Boogie, emcees this evening of HOT burlesque from some of New York City’s finest performers. Join us for raffle fun, go-go dancers, sexy sound cues, and of course your host L Boogie! A portion of the evening’s proceeds will go to a local LGBTQA youth organization!Dixon Place, 161A Chrystie Street, between Rivington and Delancey, NYC. Tickets: $10 (advance), $15 (door)

Saturday, December 24th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks only. I suspect Submit is NOT happening in December, will update this when I get that confirmation. No Submit party in December! It’ll return in January.Brooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

Saturday, December 31, 9pm-1amNew Year’s Eve, Party, Lounge, Performance, NEW YEAR’S EVE: USHERING IN A GREAT COSMIC SHIFT. A great cosmic shift is coming in 2012 and we want you to ring it in with hot queers, old friends and new lovers. Join us for a great show of comedy, music and burlesque plus a hot, sexy DJ all night long. Drink specials all night long so come on in and have drinks, hang with your friends, meet a new lover or two, and let your ball drop. Or both!

Show starts at 10 pm. DJ starts at 11 pm. Join Bevin Branlandingham, your Femmecee, with: Diana Cage – Queer (Femme)inist, Author, Kelli Dunham – ex nun, nerdelicious author & comic, Bambi Galore – the chameleon of tease, Jessica Halem – bad feminist, Ben Lerman – Sick and brilliant ukulele comedy.

Dixon Place, 161A Chrystie Street, between Rivington and Delancey, NYC. Tickets: $10 cash only at the door

My schedule is kept up on mrsexsmith.com/appearances if you want to see if I’m coming your way. You can even subscribe to the RSS feed (if you read things that way—I’m mourning what Google Reader just did and probably in search of a new aggregate reader) and it’ll tell you when I update anything new.

If you’re interested in bringing me to your town or college, check out what S. Bear Bergman wrote: Bear’s Guide to Getting the Artists You Want. It’s got some great tips for how to fundraise and make an offer to bring the people you admire to come do some custom work just for you & your friends. (Hint, hint.)

Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)phinli.com.

Get on the Monthly Sugarbutch Mailing List









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(New posts via email once a day)

Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 Has Shipped!

Kristen & I received notice that Best Lesbian Erotica 2012—for which I am the guest editor!—has shipped! If you pre-ordered a copy, you should get it any moment. If you haven’t yet, well, as the series editor Kathleen Warnock says, this is a perfect holiday gift. Add it to your wish list. Buy it for Grandma.

(More holiday gift suggestions are coming, I’m working on a list.)

I can’t wait to hear what y’all think of this compilation. I think it’s very, very dirty.

Pick it up from your local independent bookseller, Amazon, or directly from Cleis Press.

Talk Dirtier, Own Your Birthday Suit, & More Workshops With Me

I’ve been working my ass off getting gigs and performances this fall—posting my potential schedule for the next six months or so has helped. I’m still booking things in the spring and right now hope to get to Mills College in Oakland, American University in DC, International Ms. Leather in San Francisco, Smith College in Northampton, Atlanta, Chicago, Durham, New Orleans, and a few other places. It’s going to be a big year.

But, more immediately, here’s what’s coming up in the Northeast in the next few weeks.

Talk Dirtier: How To Let Your Tongue Go Tonight!
Monday, November 21, 2011, 9pm
Conversio Virium, Columbia’s BDSM Student Group, in 316 Hamilton, New York, NY
Free, open to the public

Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

Radical & Responsible Gender Workshop
Tuesday, November 29, 2011, 6:30pm
Bryn Mawr College, Bryn Mawr, PA

Academics breaks down and deconstructs gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively”? How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? In this interactive, engaging workshop, we will cover some basics about what gender is, what gender roles and stereotypes are, and how they work, then cover basic gender theory, breaking things down into small parts, in order to build them back up again “responsibly,” by which I mean thoughtfully and intentionally, with feminist principles and anti-sexist perspectives strongly in place. Participants will go away from the workshop with a better sense of how to use labels as liberation instead of limiting, as celebrations rather than restrictions, and be able to more fully embody whichever gender roles they choose.

Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Queers, Genderqueers, & Other Outlaws
Monday, December 5, 2011, 8-10pm
$20 suggested donation, sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds
LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (between 7th & 8th Ave), New York, NY.
RSVP on Facebook

If you’ve been curious about all this erotic energy stuff that I do with the Body Electric School, or the tantra concepts I sometimes talk about, this workshop is a great one to attend to start getting some introductions to the concepts and foundational principles we use in that erotic energy work. It’s also about getting more connected with your breath, body, senses, and connection with yourself and others. I’m thrilled to do it with one of my favorite people, Amy Butcher.

Queer, genderqueer, trans, and outlaw folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

Speaking of Body Electric: The schedule for 2012 has been announced. We are offering more workshops for women and queers than we ever have in a single year since I started doing Body Electric in 2000. Mark down the dates, and I’ll tell you all sorts of more information soon.

BODY ELECTRIC IN 2012:

Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women – 3-5 February, New York City
Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women – 27-29 April, Seattle
Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic – 18-20 May, New York City
Pulse: Advanced Women’s Retreat – 1-5 August, Albuquerque, NM
Power, Surrender, & Intimacy for All Genders – 14-16 September, San Francisco
Tantra for All Genders – 2-4 November, Albany, NY
Celebrating the Body Erotic 2 for Women – 16-18 November, Albany, NY
Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic – 30 November – 2 December, Toronto, ON

I know the “for women” part can be a little off-putting—I’ll write more about that soon, too, and the trans/genderqueer policies we’re working on. Bottom line is, though, don’t let that be a deterrent, and I mean that. Glad to chat with you about it in more detail, just email me.

Photos from the Last Sideshow

After Cheryl died, the reading series she and I co-created took a hiatus. July 2011 was the last performance, and Syd London took amazing photographs.

Readers were Ellis Avery, Samantha Barrow, E Charles Crandall, Kestryl Cael Lowrey, Morgan W., Renair Amin, & Ashley Young.

I think it really captures the vibe of the series … diverse and wide-ranging, joyous and emotional, community building and hook-up space (did you see all those super hot people?!).

I miss doing that every month. I’m hoping to revive it in 2012, but I don’t have all the details worked out yet. Will of course let you all know and shout it from the rooftops when I do.

The Cheryl B. Writer’s Fund

I’m still on the west coast, in San Francisco today at a pretty amazing gay boy hotel with one of my best buddies, exploring the city and getting ready for the workshop this weekend. But this just came into my inbox and I realized I hadn’t mentioned it on the November calendar. If you’re in New York City, I hope you might be able to attend. Wish I could be there.

The Astraea Foundation is putting together a Cheryl B. writers fund and at their 20 year celebration party there will be a small special tribute to her and her work.

Details:

Poetry is not only dream and vision; it is the skeleton architecture of our lives. It lays the foundations for a future of change, a bridge across our fears of what has never been before.

– Audre Lorde, 1991 Lesbian Writers Fund Judge in Poetry

Celebrate the Astraea Lesbian Writers Fund’s 20 year legacy.
Hear the new voices of literary history.

Writeous! Celebrating the 20th Anniversary of the Astraea Lesbian Writers Fund

Featuring performances by:
R. Erica Doyle
Karma Mayet Johnson
Ana-Maurine Lara
Chinelo Okparanta
Kirya Traber
Lenelle Moïse
& a special presentation honoring the life & work of poet/writer/activist, Cheryl B
Musical Performance by Cocomama
Twirl by DJ RiMarkable

November 11th • 7PM Doors, 8PM Show
Brecht Forum • 451 West Street, New York, NY

BUY TICKETS: $15 Suggested Donation | $25 Guaranteed Seat
Scorpios enter FREE (with appropriate ID). No one turned away for lack of funds. Food and drink available for purchase.

Visit our facebook event to get the latest news about Writeous!

The Brecht Forum is fully accessible through a wheelchair ramp in the rear courtyard. Artist accommodations generously provided by the Brooklyn Apartment

What’s Happening in November

I love fall! It is kind of threatening to be winter here already, what with that snow fall last weekend, but it’s supposed to warm up a bit and the leaves still haven’t changed all the way. I love this time of year.

I was supposed to go visit Bryn Mawr in early November, but we’ve postponed that. I’ll add it to this list as soon as I have a new date (I hope it’ll be in late November). My schedule is always as up to date as possible on mrsexsmith.com/appearances.

I’m busy this month! West coasters, see you in Seattle and in San Francisco in just a few weeks—I’m leaving on Thursday for a private training in Seattle and then I’ll be heading to SF for the Outside the Boxes workshop that I am really thrilled about. It is almost full! We do still have a couple slots left, so if you have been thinking about it, and feel called to participate, now may be the time to sign up. (I’m glad to tell you more about it if you want to know specifics.)

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Monday, November 7, 2011Talk Dirtier: How To Let Your Tongue Go Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.The Wet Spot, Seattle, WA

November 11-13, 2011Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic through the Body Electric School. Your gender. Your body. Your energy. Your beautiful self. How often has the world tried to force you into the gender binary, asked you to assure it that your pronouns matched what it saw rather than what you felt, required that your genitals conform to expectations, demanded that you deny the complexity of all that is you?San Francisco, CA

Monday, November 14, 2011Radical & Responsible Gender Workshop: Academics breaks down and deconstructs gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively”? How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? In this interactive, engaging workshop, we will cover some basics about what gender is, what gender roles and stereotypes are, and how they work, then cover basic gender theory, breaking things down into small parts, in order to build them back up again “responsibly,” by which I mean thoughtfully and intentionally, with feminist principles and anti-sexist perspectives strongly in place. Participants will go away from the workshop with a better sense of how to use labels as liberation instead of limiting, as celebrations rather than restrictions, and be able to more fully embody whichever gender roles they choose.Mills College, Oakland, CA CANCELLED

Monday, November 21, 2011Some really amazing workshop about BDSM that is TBD but will no doubt be fun and awesome and enlightening. No doubt. Possibly the Talk Dirtier workshop. We’ll see what the smarties decide.Conversio Virium, Columbia’s BDSM Student Group, New York, NY (details TBA)

Monday, December 5, 2011Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Queers, Genderqueers, & Other Outlaws: Queer, genderqueer, trans, and outlaw folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY. gaycenter.org

Events in New York City You Shouldn’t Miss

Thursday, November 3, 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrellaproject.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Satuday, November 5, 8pmQueer Memoir: Speaking Truth to Power featuring Ryann Holmes, Amber Dawn, Nick Krieger, Dan Horrigan, Lea Robinson, & host Kelli Dunham. Facebook event with details.QEJ

Monday, November 14, 7pmThe Hilarious Adventures of Two Femmes On Tour: Jessica Halem, queer comic, and Sassafras Lowrey, queer author, come together for a hilarious comedy/storytelling pairing chronicling the best (mis)adventures of their lives on the road as touring artists. These two femmes reveal it ALL about the (often not so) glamorous life including: being chased out of hotels; getting lost; dishing about butches (even some famous ones); hooking up with college students; and so much more. Bring your sense of humor, love of femmes, and love of the road. Check out the Facebook event.Bluestockings Bookstore, 172 Allen Street, Lower East Side, New York City, 212.777.6028

Friday, November 18, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: Deep Connection: Punching, Kicking, Trampling, and Stomping with Jim Deuder. A hands on class covering the fundamentals of heavy impact play including anatomy, safety, technique and the art of making a deep connection with your partner. Techniques for punching, kicking, stomping and trampling will be covered as well as the use of SAP gloves, truncheons, and other heavy implements. Participation is encouraged, but not mandatory, so bring a partner to practice with, pair up with a classmate, or take advantage of Jim’s willingness to be punched in the name of education! Our annual open to all genders workshop! Everyone is welcome!LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

Saturday, November 26th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks onlyBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

I am still trying to get a few more places this fall! My schedule is kept up on mrsexsmith.com/appearances if you want to see if I’m coming your way.

If you’re interested in bringing me to your town or college, check out what S. Bear Bergman wrote: Bear’s Guide to Getting the Artists You Want. It’s got some great tips for how to fundraise and make an offer to bring the people you admire to come do some custom work just for you & your friends. (Hint, hint.)

Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)phinli.com.

Get on the Monthly Sugarbutch Mailing List









Name:

E-mail:


Get Sugarbutch via Email

There is a second mailing list, which is slightly different, and automatically emails you posts on Sugarbutch once a day. This is great for folks who really like to read Sugarbutch (or other blogs), but forget to check them. If you check your email, well, here ya go—Sugarbutch right to your inbox.

(New posts via email once a day)

Lesbian Sex Mafia Presents Spanking with Tina Horn

I’m really thrilled that Tina Horn is now in New York City. We ran into each other at the Take Me There erotica release party last week and I was thrilled to finally meet her in person. Friday, October 21st, Tina will be teaching her infamous Spanking workshop at the Lesbian Sex Mafia‘s monthly meeting.

Did you know the Lesbian Sex Mafia is the oldest continually running BDSM education and support group in the country? Founded by Dorothy Allison thirty years ago? It’s true. I’m thrilled to be working with them to get some excellent speakers from all over the country to come present for us. (If you’re a presenter and you want to do a workshop with them when you visit New York City, go ahead & contact me.)

I’m sure you’re already following Tina Horn’s ass on Twitter. Because, duh.

So, will I see you there, or what?

Spanking with Tina Horn

Spanking fantasies are as varied as the people who enjoy them, but often stigmas keep us from safely exploring this fun, cost-free erotic activity. Some of us daydream of strict discipline, while others just enjoy any way we can get our hands on a nice ass. Join professional dominant/submissive and kinky porn star Tina Horn as she leads an upbeat seminar that will empower you to live out and take pride in your fantasies. Tops will empower themselves with the skills necessary to administer the most delicious spanks, and bottoms will learn how they can help facilitate the treatment they’ve always deserved. This class will also touch on other types of impact play such as flogging and caning, as well as basic role play and Dominant/Submissive techniques. Novices, old hands, tops, bottoms, all are welcome and encouraged to attend. The class will include a hot live demo!

Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), New York City
When: Friday, October 21, 2011; 8:00-10:00PM
Cost: $5/LSM members, $10/Non members

ABOUT TINA HORN

Tina Horn is the Smartest Ass in Show Business Today! For the past five years she has worked in the Bay Area as a professional BDSM switch. She is a performer, producer, director, and writer of queer and kinky porn. In 2010 she co-created, with Courtney Trouble, QueerPorn.Tv, which explores queer community voices and sexual expression through hardcore porn, free educational segments, and intimate identity discussions; within its first six months it won the Feminist Porn Award for Best Website. Tina has spoken and led workshops in impact play and sexual communication at Good Vibrations as well as various universities, community centers, and art galleries. Her writing has been published in numerous magazines and books, including AORTA magazine, Whore! magazine, and several Cleis Press anthologies. She is currently pursuing her MFA in Writing in NYC and cannot even begin to tell you how badly she could use a spanking right now.

Giveaway: RodeoH Harness!

Hot on the heels of my RodeoH harness review, I was chatting with one of the two girls from the good ol’ Mission District of San Francisco behind RodeoH, and talked ’em in to making a RodeoH harness available to Sugarbutch readers via a giveaway.

Your choice of size and color: Black/red, black/dark gray, or black/gray, in waist sizes 23-24″, 25-26″, 27-29″, 30-32″, 33-35″, 36-38″, 39-41″.

Want it?

Leave a comment in this thread with something about your first strap-on harness, the most exciting place you ever had strap-on sex, if you’ve ever packed out in public, the name of your favorite harness, or why you want to win this … or something else entirely. You must enter a valid email address to win (otherwise, how can I tell you that you won?).

One commenter will be chosen at random on Monday, 24 October.

If you can’t wait, you can go right now to the RodeoH online store and enter code “SexSmith” to get $10 off your purchase. They’re only $45, so that’s a pretty good deal.

Thanks, RodeoH!

Sex, Gender, & Relationship Workshops at Your College

Hey! Students at colleges, universities, and beyond! I’m still working on booking workshops, readings, and gigs this fall and spring.

I’m available for the Trans Day of Remembrance in November, for example. Want to book me?

HERE’S WHERE I’LL BE

I am already planning some visits to certain places! If you can help me book something there while I’m visiting, I would be very grateful. Are you in any of these cities? Do you know who I should talk to? Would you help me get people out to an event? Thanks!

These are the dates I *am available* to book something in these cities:

November 7-8, 2011: Seattle, WA
November 9-10, 2011: San Francisco, CA
November 28-30, 2011: Atlanta, GA
February 16 or 21, 2012: Seattle, WA
February 23-27, 2012: San Francisco, CA
April 14-19, 2012: San Francisco, CA
April 10-15, 2012: Durham, NC
April 10-15, 2012: Boston, MA
April 15-30 or May 15-30, 2012: Chicago and/or Milwaukee
May 2-3 or 7-8, 2012: Portland, OR
May 3 or 7, 2012: Seattle, WA
July 9-10 or 16-17, 2012: Seattle, WA
July 17 or 23, 2012: Albuquerque, NM
Fall 2012 (TBD): Toronto, ON
September 20 or 24, 2012: Seattle, WA

The rest of the time, I’m based in New York City and I can travel all over the Northeast seaboard, from Boston, Providence, and Burlington, down to Philadelphia, DC, and Durham. And if you want to bring me somewhere that isn’t on this list, I’m game for that too! I’m just hoping this will help me get in touch with you folks who are already in these cities.

HERE’S WHAT I DO

My workshop list is online at mrsexsmith.com/workshops, and I’ve got an online press kit at mrsexsmith.com/about/press-kit with photos, one-pagers, etc. My booking company usually charges a certain amount for a workshop plus travel + lodging, but I can be flexible about that and work with the budget you’ve got. I do have a minimum that I need to cover, but I am willing to negotiate.

Right now my most popular workshops are Radical & Responsible Gender, which is more academic and made for folks who are used to breaking down gender to start think about how to build it up in ways that are empowering and liberating, and Cock Confidence, which is a strap-on 101 type of workshop that focuses more on the psychology of strapping on and insecurity than on the how-to, though there is also a part for strap-on technology, meaning the toys that are available and what to buy. That one I rarely do at colleges, though I bet it’d be a blast.

I have also been working on doing a two-event set, being an afternoon workshop on exploring sex, gender, and relationships through writing as a way to develop self-reflection, introspection, and identity, and then having a showcase in the evening with the folks from the writing workshop reading and me doing a :30-:45 spoken word set.

If you’ve got any ideas, requests, or contacts, I’d love to chat with you. Please do get in touch with me via email, mrsexsmith (at) gmail dot com, and see what we can do.

SINCLAIR SEXSMITH: NOW BOOKING 2011-2012

For booking contact: [email protected]
Phone: (917) 475-6316
or:
PhinLi Bookings, LLC at [email protected]
Phone: (347) 829-7446

Press kit and materials available upon request

Please forward to colleges, universities, students, and organizations.

Represented by PhinLi Bookings, LLC, in New York City, SINCLAIR SEXSMITH is a writer, performer, student, and teacher of sex, gender, and relationships. Visit Sinclair online at sugarbutch.net, mrsexsmith.com, or on Twitter @mrsexsmith.

“Sinclair Sexsmith writes with such rare clarity and passion that she is one of the best reminders we have that sex and gender are not abstractions of theory, but essential to our everyday humanity.”
—Chris Hall, editor of CarnalNation.com

“Sinclair Sexsmith presents a cornucopia of lesbian kink …” Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica Book Cover, Due Date, & Table of Contents

I’m thrilled to announce the table of contents and cover for my upcoming (and very first!) anthology, Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, coming in April 2012 from Cleis Press.

The description, via Amazon:

Sinclair Sexsmith presents a cornucopia of lesbian kink — tantalizing tales rich in variety and saucy details of girls put in their place — and held there firmly. A girly-girl reaps a sweet punishment for refusing to mess up her oh-so-pink lipstick and a well-equipped top takes charge. Whether readers dream of surrendering to a lover or of taking control, Say Please offers plenty of erotic inspiration and gives readers exactly what they want!

In “The Cruelest Kind,” Kiki Delovely’s naughty narrator gets her just desserts from her butch girlfriend with some fierce back alley bondage while D.L. King’s domme makes her submissive strip before un unseen audience, binds her to a bench, and gives her a good strapping in “A Public Spectacle.” Anna Watson’ bored housewife gets more than she bargains for in “The Keys” when she follows a lesbian animal trainer out to a queer bar and anything goes in Xan West’s sexy “Strong” when a transgender butch and genderqueer sub engage in some very tough love.

And here are the contents. I am SO thrilled to have so many pieces by amazing writers. Seriously, these are some of the best of the best, I can’t wait to see the whole thing all together.

Introduction by Sinclair Sexsmith

Baseball Cap by Miriam Perez
First Ride by Wendi Kali
A Slap in the Face by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Housewife by Gigi Frost
Call Me Sir by BB Rydell
All of Me by Amelia Thornton
Taking Direction by Vie La Guerre
Black Hanky by Sassafras Lowrey
Spanking Booth by Dusty Horn
The Cruelest Kind by Kiki Delovely
Going the Distance by Elaine Miller
She Spoiled Me by Shawna Elizabeth
Gentleman Caller by Sossity Chiricuzio
Three Weeks and Two Days by Meridith Guy
Counting Love by August InFlux
Purge by Marie See
A Public Spectacle by DL King
The Keys by Anna Watson
Coming of Age by Dilo Keith
Not Without Permission by Sinclair Sexsmith
Feathers Have Weight by Alysia Angel
Strong by Xan West
Unworthy As I Am by Elizabeth Thorne

I’ve created a Twitter account for Say Please, a Facebook page, and a Twitter list to follow the authors, so you can keep up with all of us if you’d like. There is nothing at all at the book’s wordpress site yet, but there will be.

Keep an eye out for a blog tour, book release party in New York, review copies, and readings around the country, including (but hopefully not limited to) New York City, Seattle, Portland, Durham, and Boston.

I am so excited about this!

e[lust] #30 Contains “The Boy At Summer Camp” in the Top 3

It’s been a while since I’ve participated regularly in these roundups, mostly because I’m not writing a lot of smut or stories to turn you on lately. I still read the top posts frequently and find excellent new sexblogs to read that way.

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #31? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

This Week’s Top Three Posts

Crotch Topiary & Other Delights – I admit I started simple, I realised my teenage dream of having a Winona-inspired heart emblazoned on my mound. It was perfect. I used Contact paper to design my heart and just went to town pulling out every hair that was not covered.

In Defense of Exclusion – Sometimes it’s nice to be with people who are like you. It’s nice to be around people who get your kink, your fetish – to be somewhere that you don’t have to explain it to.

The Boy At Summer Camp – It started with an email with the subject line “butch at your service,” and an offer for a blow job. And I thought, hm. Well, you know, I do like those. But I’m not usually attracted to boys.

e[lust] Editress

Ask Lilly: “My sex toy stinks – what should I do?” – Would you put it in your mouth with that smell? Would you gag from the smell and taste? If yes, then why the hell put it in your vagina or ass??

Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick)

A Day At The Circus

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

What’s Happening In October

Fall is picking up! I’m still trying to visit a few more colleges. Got an idea for where I should visit? Email me & let’s chat, mrsexsmith (at) gmail.com.

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

October 12, 7:00 pmTake Me There Reading @ Bluestockings
Join editor Tristan Taormino and local contributors as they read their work from Take Me There, a groundbreaking new collection of transgender and genderqueer erotica. Readers include legendary author of the Marketplace series Laura Antoniou, queen of erotica Rachel Kramer BusselSinclair Sexsmith of The Sugarbutch Chronicles, and poet/performer/activist Rachel K. Zall.
Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street (bet. Stanton and Rivington), NYC (Twitter: @Bluestockings) Admission: Free and open to all. We will pass around the hat to help support Bluestockings, so please give what you can.

Saturday & Sunday, October 28-29thBromance bro-gig with Kelli Dunham, Lea Robinson, & Sinclair Sexsmith at Highlands Inn. Details TBA, but will include a set from each of us.Highlands Inn, Bethlehem, NH

Events in New York City You Shouldn’t Miss

Thursday, October 6 , 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrellaproject.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Saturday, October 8 · 9:30am – 11:00pm; Registration at 9:30amNot in NYC, but too awesome not to mention: The Queer It Yourself Conference is a day-long conference for queer artists in the NW. Join us to celebrate this amazing conference at our queer artist showcase, two shows @ 7pm and 9pm at Wyckoff Auditorium (in the Bannan engineering bldg on the SU campus.) The “Queer It Yourself: Be It, Do It, Make It” conference will provide a space for LGBTQ artists to talk, collaborate, skill share and intellectualize about art, creativity and social justice. More info on FacebookSeattle University, Pigott Building (Rooms 202, 203 & 204) & Wycoff Auditorium, Seattle, WA. Conference cost: $10 but no one turned away. SU students, staff and faculty get in free. Tickets for conference also available in advance at www.brownpapertickets.com.

Friday, October 21, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: Spanking with Tina Horn. Spanking fantasies are as varied as the people who enjoy them, but often stigmas keep us from safely exploring this fun, cost-free erotic activity.Some of us daydream of strict discipline, while others just enjoy any way we can get our hands on a nice ass. Join profession dominant/submissive and kinky porn star Tina Horn as she leads an upbeat seminar that will empower you to live out and take pride in your fantasies.Tops will empower themselves with the skills necessary to administer the most delicious spanks, and bottoms will learn how they can help facilitate the treatment they’ve always deserved. This class will also touch on other types of impact play such as flogging and caning, as well as basic role play and Dominant/Submissive techniques. Novices, old hands, tops, bottoms, couples, women, and queers of all identities and orientations are welcome and encouraged to attend. The class will include a hot live demo!LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

Friday, October 28thRuckus, a Queer and Trans people of color writing and performance showcase, invites you to celebrate the launch of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha’s second book of poetry, Love Cake! In Love Cake, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha explores how queer people of colour resist and transform violence through love and desire. The event features readings by the author as well Ruckus co-curators Kay Ulanday Barrett and V.s. Tobar and guest performer Cristy C. Road, at Bluestockings Bookstore, Café, & Activist Center. Official invite out this evening.Bluestockings, 172 Allen Street (bet. Stanton and Rivington), NYC (Twitter: @Bluestockings)

Saturday, October 29th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks onlyBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

I am still trying to get a few more places this fall! My schedule is kept up on mrsexsmith.com/appearances if you want to see if I’m coming your way.

If you’re interested in bringing me to your town or college, check out what S. Bear Bergman wrote: Bear’s Guide to Getting the Artists You Want. It’s got some great tips for how to fundraise and make an offer to bring the people you admire to come do some custom work just for you & your friends. (Hint, hint.)

Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)phinli.com.

Ask Me Anything! No Really

I’m starting to write a new column on SexIs Magazine, this time it’s an advice column called Mr. Sexsmith Says. The first one came out today, about stone identity and butches, and they’ll be published every other week.

I have a pretty decent stack of index cards from my workshops, as well as some unanswered questions from emails and from the Ask Me Anything Sugarbutch anniversary thread, so I already do have a lot of fodder for this new column.

However! I still get questions pretty frequently, and now that I have a place to put them, I invite you to ask me about things you’d like to know. No seriously, ask away. I can’t promise to answer all of them—I have no idea if I’ll get two or two hundred, so you know, I’ll have to do some experimenting here—but I will do my best.

So now there’s a sugarbutch.net/ask-me-anything URL, and a place specifically to submit questions. Please feel free to ask away.

Sex Positive Photography Photoshoot, aka I’m On A (House)Boat

When I visited the Bay Area in the end of August I met up with Shilo McCabe, the photographer who is behind The Sex Positive Photo Project, and we wandered around my friend’s houseboat where I was staying.

I had a great time and she made me feel very comfortable in front of the lens. These are my favorites of the photos she’s sent me so far.

This one is my favorite.

Thank you, Shilo.

Thanks, Tomcats. I needed that haircut

Gotta look snappy for Dark Odyssey! I thought I was going to head down to Baltimore tonight for that workshop at Sugar and head right to camp, but instead I’m going to stay in New York for two more nights and head in early on Thursday morning. I definitely want to be there for the first workshop (uh and I think I am teaching a workshop that hour, so I better be), and preferably for orientation at noon, so I’m going to aim for early. Earlier than I like to get up. As much as I would have liked to be at Sugar tonight, I’m glad to have two more nights here at home to prepare and get some more details for my workshops worked out.

Tomcats is still my favorite barber shop in New York. Joey is my favorite, but Olivia did a really amazing job with Kristen’s hair on Sunday—I’ll see if I can snap a good shot of her new haircut and show it off for y’all, it looks fierce and fun and serious. Plus, her hanky flower came last weekend, so I want to show y’all a photo of that anyway.

I see from my Facebook feed that a few friends of mine have started going to Tomcats regularly … I hope they’re treating you as well as they have me.

Hey You! Want To Bring Me To Your Town?

Dear friends & fans & folks who just happened across this website and have no idea who I am:

As I gaze longingly at my ever-filling fall and spring schedule, I can’t help but wonder: Is there somewhere I’m missing? Is there somewhere I should be aiming to go that I don’t even know about yet?

That’s where you come in. Where would you like me to travel this year? Do you have any contacts for colleges, arts venues, spoken word nights, queer/feminist toy shops, or queer/feminist bookstores in your area that you’d just love to help me book?

I’ve got quite a few workshops aimed at college students and ready for community centers and toy shops, like “Radical & Responsible Gender” and the acclaimed “Fucking with Gender,” and I’d love to get out there and meet more of you, chat, learn about what’s going on, and talk to you about my ideas for all of this stuff.

If you have any thoughts about where you’d like to see me perform, or what kind of workshops you’d like me to do, I would love your input.

Your buddy,

Sinclair

SINCLAIR SEXSMITH: NOW BOOKING 2011-2012

For booking contact: [email protected]
Phone: (917) 475-6316
or:
PhinLi Bookings, LLC at [email protected]
Phone: (347) 829-7446

Press kit and materials available upon request

Please forward to colleges, universities, students, and organizations.

Represented by PhinLi Bookings, LLC, in New York City, SINCLAIR SEXSMITH is a writer, performer, student, and teacher of sex, gender, and relationships. Visit Sinclair online at sugarbutch.net, mrsexsmith.com, or on Twitter @mrsexsmith.

“Sinclair Sexsmith writes with such rare clarity and passion that she is one of the best reminders we have that sex and gender are not abstractions of theory, but essential to our everyday humanity.”
—Chris Hall, editor of CarnalNation.com

Speaks, performs, and facilitates on the issues of:

Creative writing, social justice, LGBTQ activism, intentional gender, feminism, healing, sexual liberation and enlightenment, communication skills, accessible feminist theory, queer liberation, archetypes, social change activism, sexual freedom, and writing as a tool for self-awareness.

Past performances and workshops of note:

Butch Voices National Conference, Oakland, CA
The Center for Sex and Culture, Seattle, WA
Rainbow Book Fair at the LGBT Center, New York, NY
Lesbian Sex Mafia, New York, NY
SXSW Interactive, Austin, TX
Chapbook Festival, New York, NY
Sex 2.0, Seattle, WA
Butch Voices NYC, New York, NY
The Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health, Pawtucket, RI
Columbia University, New York, NY
Smith College, Northampton, MA
NYU, New York, NY
Hamline University, Minneaplis, MN
UW Madison, Madison, WI
Syracuse University, Syracuse, NY
Harvard University, Boston, MA
Drew University, Madison, NJ
Brown University, Providence, RI

“Steamy: How To Write About Sex” Workshop at Sugar in Baltimore Tomorrow

UPDATE: As of Tuesday 13 September, 3pm, I’m sorry to report, the class at Sugar is canceled. Catch you next time, Baltimore!

Photo by Syd London

That’s one of my favorite shots of me teaching a workshop, this is from Cock Confidence at Butch Voices NYC in August 2010, taken by Syd London.

Tomorrow! I’ll be teaching a writing workshop in Baltimore about sex.

Steamy: How to Write About Sex
To write about sex well you need the boldness to command and describe the dirty and oh so delicious acts we humans explore, and the basic writing skills of plot, setting, and character. In this pen-to-paper writing workshop we’ll look at some examples of extremely successful and unsuccessful erotica, steamy love letters for your sweetheart, how to step up your blog to the next level, where to submit your work for publication in the erotica world, and some quick basics for editing your work. Bring a paper and writing utensil, we will be doing writing exercises.

Tuesday, September 13th, 6:30pm
Buy tickets in advance on BrownPaperTickets
Sugar is at 927 West 36th Street on the Avenue in Hampden Baltimore, MD

Any recommendations for a good vegetarian cafe to eat dinner at beforehand? Any other must-see places in Baltimore I should check out? I’ll only be there for the day, but I’m excited.

Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic

I’m thrilled to invite you—yes, you—to this new workshop that the Body Electric School is developing. We will be doing it first in San Francisco in November as an experiment, and if it goes well, I hope to bring it out east, too, to Toronto or New York or both.

I’ve been involved in the Body Electric School for more than ten years, and started assisting with them around 2003, participating in erotic energy workshops by helping to hold the structure and move energy. It’s been a tremendous experience for me, and I credit my amazing teachers in this lineage with the basics of much of my own sexual ideologies, my spiritual/sexuality connections, and even with my own self-value and self-worth. These teachings have been invaluable, I can’t recommend them highly enough.

Even if it’s not something that you end up dedicating your life to studying (like I basically have), I think everyone should attend one of these workshops at least once, for the potential to crack open and discover entirely new pathways of connection within yourself and with others is huge. And this one is particularly near and dear to me, since it’s for the outlaws and queers and non-binary folks that wouldn’t usually feel comfortable with Body Electric’s usual “men over here and women over there” type of delineations. I think it’s going to be ground-breaking, and I really hope we can continue to offer this kind of work to the in-betweeners, because gaga knows, we need it as much as or more than anybody.

I hope it will be a wild success! I am really looking forward to it and I hope you’ll consider it, if you feel called. You can email me if you want to with questions, and I’ll be glad to address what I can, but if you want to register, the west coast coordinator is who to talk to (her email is down near the bottom of the text).

Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic

November 11-13, 2011 – San Francisco

Your gender. Your body. Your energy. Your beautiful self. How often has the world tried to force you into the gender binary, asked you to assure it that your pronouns matched what it saw rather than what you felt, required that your genitals conform to expectations, demanded that you deny the complexity of all that is you?

What if you could come into a community in which all expressions were possible? Where gender, sexuality and expression were aligned according to your truth? Where no one assumed what parts would go where? Welcome to Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic!

Come explore your erotic potential through the mind, the body and the heart using conscious breath, movement, process work and massage. Awaken the erotic energy that lies within all of us. Through a queer tantra lens, explore archetypal masculine and feminine energies and the myriad ways they can be expressed. Break down silos of gender and sexuality.

This workshop focuses on the entire body and is conducted in a container that is playful, safe and reverential. Using carefully designed experiential embodiment practices participants will:

  • explore the innate wisdom of your body
  • expand awareness, sensation and pleasure through conscious breath, movement, touch, and communication, where each person’s choices and rhythms are honored
  • learn how to more deeply tune in to your body, mind, heart and spirit
  • to receive more fully from yourself and others, and to give without losing yourself
  • learn to give and receive full-body massage and to focus on the healing potential of sensual/spiritual energy
  • learn from your own and others’ unfolding, and feel awed witnessing and supporting our uniqueness and commonalities

Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic is a 2 1/2 day workshop (Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday), often clothing-optional, for those who are ready to vigorously explore new levels of feeling and aliveness, both within themselves and within a community of queers.

NOTE: Couples are welcome to attend Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic and have the option of working together or with the other participants.

Cost: $395-$150, sliding scale. We are committed to finding creative financial solutions so don’t let money be the barrier that keeps your soul’s desire at bay.

SPECIAL OFFERS for Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic

$50 off if PAY IN FULL 7 WEEKS in advance = $345

$30 off if PAY IN FULL 5 WEEKS in advance = $365

OFFERS CANNOT BE COMBINED

CONTACT • Amy Butcher • (415) 377-4107 • Send Email • November 11-13

–REGISTER ONLINE–

Lizz Randall is a gender-queer Body Electric teacher, Sacred Intimate and long-term student of tantra. Her work as an integrative body worker and educator offers a holistic and open-hearted approach to wellness, passion and aliveness in body. She is fiercely dedicated to creating spaces where all bodies can come together and explore their erotic potency. Lizz has been teaching experiential workshops and working in the fields of sexuality, spirituality and health for over 15 years. She also spends her time as a farmer and parent, resides on Vashon Island and has a private practice in Seattle.

What’s Happening in September

I miss Sideshow.

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Tuesday, September 13th, 6:30pmSteamy: How to Write About Sex workshop. To write about sex well you need the boldness to command and describe the dirty and oh so delicious acts we humans explore, and the basic writing skills of plot, setting, and character. In this pen-to-paper writing workshop we’ll look at some examples of extremely successful and unsuccessful erotica, steamy love letters for your sweetheart, how to step up your blog to the next level, where to submit your work for publication in the erotica world, and some quick basics for editing your work. Bring a paper and writing utensil, we will be doing writing exercises. Buy tickets in advance on BrownPaperTickets.Sugar 927 West 36th Street on the Avenue in Hampden Baltimore, MD

September 14-19, Wednesday through SundayDark Odyssey! I’m teaching four classes, including Advanced Cock Confidence, Steamy: How to Write About Sex, Queering Power Dynamics, and Talk Dirtier: How to Let Your Tongue Go, and I’ll be hosting a social event, Ties Required. I’m really excited to practice my BDSM skills and hang out with the many amazing folks who are in this year’s line-up.Near Washington, DC

Events in New York City You Shouldn’t Miss

Thursday, September 1 , 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrellaproject.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Saturday, September 10, 8pmQueer Memoir: Letters. Even as LGBT characters and “out” celebrities become more common in pop culture and mainstream media, the richness and complexity of real queer lives is still undervalued and often invisible. Queer Memoir attempts to provide an avenue to share queer lives and celebrate the ritual and community-building value of storytelling. Queer Memoir is so thrilled to be again partnering with one of our favorite organizations, Queers for Economic Justice. We ask for 5-10 bucks donation to cover costs, but no one turned away for lack of funds.QEJ, 147 W. 24th St, Manhattan, NY

Friday, September 16, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: Play Piercing with Mistress TrishLGBT Center, Manhattan, NY

Thursday, September 22, 7:30pmBad Feminist with Jessica Halem: Jessica Halem will bring her hot new comedic rant “Bad Feminist” to Dixon Place every month starting September 22nd. Join the discussion of sexual politics, queer identities and current events on September 22 in The Lounge at Dixon Place (161A Chrystie Street, New York, NY 10002) at 7:30 pm. The price is $5 cash only at the door.Dixon Place, 161A Crystie St, Manhattan, NY

Saturday, September 24th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks onlyBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

Saturday, October 1, 7pmWhy Is the Fat One Always Angry? Kelli Dunham’s Fuck You I’m 43 Birthday Comedy Show: Kelli Dunham is a genderqueer Brooklyn based ex-nun nerdcomic; a Wisconsin farmboi transplant who juxtaposes midwestern friendliness with New York attitude in a way that has been described as both “horrifying” and “hilarious.” In “Why Is The Fat One Always Angry” (her sixth one person show and her soon to be released third comedy CD) she continues on her quest to make comedy where slam poetry dares not tread. The show will address the important questions of our time, such as: Why were there so many failed tubal ligations the year Kelli was born? Is it okay to call your mom for the sole purpose of obtaining comedy material? How is the Bible like the DSM? What does being over 40 have to do with dead rabbits and the butch ego? How many library books can one person take on vacation anyway? Get advance tickets!Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher St, NYC

I am now booking fall events for colleges and traveling nationally. My schedule is kept up on mrsexsmith.com/appearances if you want to see if I’m coming your way.

If you’re interested in bringing me to your town or college, check out what S. Bear Bergman wrote: Bear’s Guide to Getting the Artists You Want. It’s got some great tips for how to fundraise and make an offer to bring the people you admire to come do some custom work just for you & your friends. (Hint, hint.)

Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)phinli.com.

Cock Confidence, Owning Your Birthday Suit, & More Workshops in the Bay Area Next Week

I’m just starting to feel like I’ve returned from the Pulse retreat, finally, in body, mind, emotional landscape, and spirit, when now I am leaving again on Tuesday for the Butch Voices conference in Oakland, and for some surrounding events, like a spoken word set in Oakland on Sunday, August 21st. I mentioned that it’s going to be a busy August here at the Sugarbutch Empire!

I’m also doing some new workshops in September at Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, which I’m really excited about.

Cock Confidence

At Camouflage, Santa Cruz, CA, August 16, 8pm
At Good Vibrations, San Francisco, CA, August 17, 6:30pm
At Butch Voices Conference, Oakland, CA, Date TBA (August 18-21)
At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

Many of us have experience with strapping on, packing, and playing, but there are lots of new products out there on the market that might be exciting and that you haven’t encountered yet. Writer and sex educator Sinclair Sexsmith talk about what cocks are good for packing, what options are out there for pack-and-play, which harnesses are the most loved, and which to avoid. Plus, she’ll delve into some cock confidence, getting into the psychology of penetration, and discussing what it’s like to shoot from the hip. Come get the nuts and bolts of strapping it on and fucking. You’ll learn about positions and lube, how different products work, what “cock confidence” means, and the psychology behind strapping on and playing with a cock with a partner, or with oneself.

Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Masculine of Center Folks

Taught with Amy Butcher
At Butch Voices Conference, Oakland, CA, Date TBA (August 18-21)

Masculine of center folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community.

Queering Power Dynamics: D/s, Age Play, and More

At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

Top, bottom, switch, and everything in between: many of us like to explore what it’s like to give up or take power in our sex play. Some of us even like to play with psychological domination and submission. Add a gendered or age component, and the power distance index (PDI) increases. So what happens if we severely increase the power distance, through 24/7 role play or domination and submission? What happens when we incorporate identities like “Daddy” from the leather community? What could other age play roles of bigs and littles, Daddies and Mommies, boys and bois and girls and grrrls, have to offer us as we seek deeper and more fulfilling sex explorations? This advanced kink workshop explores power, gender, and age play in a queer context, where we’ll discuss bringing a power exchange relationship of any sort from the bedroom into a 24/7 lifestyle, what the benefits are for both, and how to go about navigating long term fulfillment for all parties within the relationship.

Steamy: How To Write About Sex

At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

To write about sex well you need the boldness to command and describe the dirty and oh so delicious acts we humans explore, and the basic writing skills of plot, setting, and character. In this pen-to-paper writing workshop we’ll look at some examples of extremely successful and unsuccessful erotica, steamy love letters for your sweetheart, how to step up your blog to the next level, where to submit your work for publication in the erotica world, and some quick basics for editing your work. Bring a paper and writing utensil, we will be doing writing exercises.

Talk Dirtier: How to Let Your Tongue Go

At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

In Addition …

I’m booking fall travel to colleges, community centers, and nearby sex toy stores now!

I have travel plans to Seattle in November, and I’m hoping to get to Chicago, Milwaukee, DC, Philadelphia, Boston, Atlanta, and Raleigh/Durham. If you’re in one of those places, I’d love to chat with you about helping to make a workshop happen.

My full list of offered workshops is online, and you can also download a PDF of extended descriptions or a press kit on mrsexsmith.com.

Get in touch with me, mrsexsmith (at) gmail.com, if you’d like to book a workshop or want more information about my rates and fees, or about helping me get to your town. You can also contact my booking company, PhinLi, at [email protected]

I’ll Be At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp in September

Have I mentioned that I’ll be at Summer Camp this year?

I’m really excited to go, I’ve heard about it for years and haven’t been able to attend until now. I’ll be doing four workshops, Cock Confidence, D/s Age Play, Gender Theory, and a Porn Writing Intensive, so I’ve been practicing those this summer. Those camp attendees are no spring chickens!

I’ve finally registered and I’m trying to figure out how this whole cabin choosing thing works … have you been? How do I figure out where to bunk? Are you going this year, do you have a cabin you would like to invite me to be in? It feels a bit daunting.

Here’s the details about the event, in case you are interested in attending. I think it’s going to be a blast.

Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp
Northern Maryland
September 14-19, 2011

Imagine a vacation that brings together sexuality, spirituality, education, and play in a fun, diverse environment where fantasy becomes reality.

Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp 2011, a journey of sexual exploration for the spiritual and creative sex-positive communities returns for its eigth year. It will be held at a secluded, two hundred acre retreat in Northern Maryland. Our mission is to cross-pollinate ideas and concepts between groups of individuals who desire to explore different areas of alternative sexuality.

The event, from September 14-19, 2011 will feature dynamic workshops taught by top-notch sex educators, relationship experts, SM masters, and spiritual teachers from around the world, including:

Arli * Annie Earl * Artemis Hunter * Bear * Dylan Ryan * Ignacio Rivera * Lee Harrington * Lolita Wolf * The Marine * MojoDaddy * Mollena Williams * Princess Kali * Sam Martin * Sinclair Sexsmith * Sir C * TTT * Wintersong Tashlin

In addition to workshops, Dark Odyssey features creative social activities, nightly special events, erotic rituals, lakeside bonfires, the Sex-O-Rama playspace, and a 10,000 square foot fully equipped dungeon open for play around the clock.

All this happens in a fun camp environment at a retreat with great accommodations: forty cabins with real beds, full bathrooms, hot water showers, electricity and great centrally located swimming pool; plus, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack included.

Unlike a typical conference event, where you have to pay for registration fees, hotel room costs, plus meals, Dark Odyssey is an all-inclusive event. Weekend rates range from $350 to $425 depending on when you register, and if you are a member of a participating group. Early registration rates are good through August 1st. Remember that Summer Camp SOLD OUT last year in record time, so sign up today!

Dozens of community organizations have signed on as participating groups in Dark Odyssey, and we add new groups every day. Check the website to see if your group is one of them, and you’ll be entitled to a registration discount. If your group would like to be added to this list, please contact [email protected]

Visit our website, http://www.darkodyssey.com for more details. We hope you will join us for this exciting event!

What’s Happening in August

Holy crap, there’s a lot going on this month.

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Tuesday, August 16th, 8-10pmCock Confidence workshopCamouflage sex toy shop in Santa Cruz, CA

Wednesday, August 17th, 8-10pmCock Confidence workshopGood Vibrations, San Francisco, CA

Date TBACock Confidence workshop at the Butch Voices conferenceOakland, CA

Date TBAOwning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Masculine of Center Folks, co-presented with Amy Butcher, at the Butch Voices conferenceOakland, CA

Sunday, August 21Spoken word performance at the Butch Voices conference. More information TBAOakland, CA

Events in New York City You Shouldn’t Miss

Thursday, August 4 , 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrellaproject.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Friday, August 5, 9:30pmBUTCH BURLESQUE: AN EVENING OF SWAGGER. Co-curated and hosted by Victoria Libertore and Lea Robinson. Lineup: Moe Angelos (Five Lesbian Brothers), Crystal Balls, Drae Campbell (Miss LEZ 2011), Molly Equalty Dykeman, Luscious von Dykester with music by Tina Richerson, Jessica Lurie Alto AND Butch Burlesque students making their debut: Kestryl Cael, Prince Kim & Slapshot N. Tickle.

Come see these butches and friends strut their stuff with the bravado and swagger only Dixon Place is hot enough to handle. Hot, queer women flirtin’, titilatin’ and takin’ it off with the originality and swagga only a butch can pull off. As Jace Everett says, “We wanna do bad things with you.”

HOT! Festival at Dixon Place, 161A Chrystie Street, between Rivington and Delancey. Tickets: $15 in advance/ $18 at the door. Student/Senior $12 in advance/$15 at the door.

Sunday, August 14th, 10pmThe Femme Show comes to NYC! Guest Artists: The Crimson Kitty and others TBA.

The Femme Show is queer art for queer people, with a variety of diverse perspectives on queer femininity that can be thoughtful, sad, funny, sexy, and fun. On their August East Coast tour, a stellar cast will bring The Femme Show’s unique perspective on femininity, gender, queerness and sexuality to cities throughout the Northeast. Now in it’s fifth year, The Femme Show uses dance, burlesque, drag, spoken word, puppets, and more to give audiences new ways and new reasons to think about gender, femininity, and desire.

Wow Cafe Theater, 59-61 East 4th Street, the Fourth Floor, $12 at the door

Saturday, August 27th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks onlyBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or
email [email protected]

I am now booking fall events for colleges and traveling nationally. I’m heading to Dark Odyssey Summer Camp in September, and looking to visit Chicago, Milwaukee, Seattle, and others in the near future. My schedule is kept up on mrsexsmith.com/appearances if you want to see if I’m coming your way.

If you’re interested in bringing me to your town or college, check out what S. Bear Bergman wrote: Bear’s Guide to Getting the Artists You Want. It’s got some great tips for how to fundraise and make an offer to bring the people you admire to come do some custom work just for you & your friends. (Hint, hint.)

Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)phinli.com.

bklyn boihood & Butch Voices Party in NYC

I won’t be in town, but if you are, don’t miss this.

By the end of July we will be wrapping up the production of our 2012 calendar!

Join bklyn boihood, Butch Voices and other sponsors and allies in a celebration to wrap up this amazing experience for our models, photographers and contributors.

Kweer folks, a sexy venue, and fresh music on deck as folks mingle with the models, bloggers, photographers, partners and friends that make the bklyn boihood experience possible.

We’ ll have a raffle, giveaways, and a very special opportunity to experience the behind-the-scenes chemistry that makes this iconic calendar such an amazing experience. Hang out with the bois, see slide shows of calendar footage, meet models, hear/give feedback, PRE-ORDER the calendar and/or support any way you can!!

Date: Saturday, July 30th, Doors: @ 7
Vibe: Chill, Lounge, Grown & Sexy, Bar
Venue: The Gallery Bar, 120 Orchard Street (LES)
Cost: $10 Suggested