22 responses

  1. Syd Blakovich
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    It feels amazing and I highly recommend it! Giving or receiving that is along with rim jobs…

    Example A:
    http://www.enterbelladonna.com/images/samples/SD1

    xo

    Syd aka Shawn

  2. Rodger
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    I just wanted to let you know that one of the most deliciously agonizing things I experience as a bottom getting fucked is when somebody has the patience to feed my ass their cock a centimeter at a time. Especially at the beginning, the slow but persistent push helps me relax. Also, I don't know if Kristen meditates at all but I would say that some practice with controlling her breath to keep it smooth and deep while you're teasing the shit out of her ass (no pun intended) will help. I'd say that one thing a lot of people expect when they're used to playing with pussies is that they can start going at it rough and hard right from the get go and it just isn't so. Firstly the ass does not self-lubricate (much to my dismay) and secondly the muscles there are much more accustomed to pushing things out rather than letting them in. You can still use and degrade while going slowly, you can definitely eroticize that interaction in a way that serves your power dynamic.

    Why do I love getting fucked? Well, one of them is the above mentioned release. Once your muscles have truly let go and aren't providing any resistance I get a feeling of deep satisfaction and accomplishment and relaxation. Some of my friend have called me a tight ass, but when I get fucked I can let that go a bit and really get into something that's outside of my normal life. I find that I'm frequently more playful, sexually, when I am or have been fucked recently. I am more giving. I feel more confident and sexier.

    I've learned a lot through trial and error and one thing is that there's no such thing as too much communication. If you even think of screaming "ouch" or "ow" you need to say something before your partner does something that does make you scream "ouch" or "ow" or even "Oh god I think I'm dying" – and not in a died and gone to heaven kind of way. Maybe you'll need to think about how you would communicate that in the moment, in the middle of the power flow that happens between you and your partner. I tend to have pretty vanilla sex so I usually just say something like "Slow down" or "Stop" or something, but if that doesn't feel comfortable because of the situation then you should give some thought to how you would express that. Pain doesn't mean you need to stop – unless you're blacking out or just plain not enjoying it AT ALL – it just means you need to adjust.

    If you're really worried about shit, I'd say get yourself a small anal douche bulb and use it about an hour or so beforehand to give yourself lots of time to get all the water out of your butt. Barring that, I highly suggest that you go to the bathroom beforehand. Even if everything else is awesome, I hate the overstuffed feeling that can result from being full before I even start.

  3. the femme top
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    Perhaps there are activities that could help to awaken a desire to be fucked up the ass.

    (What I'm saying here, Kristin, is that you should make Sinclair give you a long anal massage: http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id… – great DVD, and I was able to rent it at Good Vibes for $3)

  4. the femme top
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    opps, I meant to point you to Vol. 2, Anal Massage for Lovers. http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Massage-Lovers-Vol-2/d

    But both are great!

  5. Mab
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    Oh Kristen. I've had good, and I've had not so good anal sex, but I've never had bad. Even the first time, two scared people trying something new on a single bed, not even thinking of lube, there was something that felt good to more than the masochist in me.

    It makes me feel dirty. It makes me feel strange. It makes me feel vulnerable beyond measure. It makes me feel giving. It makes me feel powerful, because only my ability to relax will let anything in.

    I don't come so easily. But with anal, I pretty much always come. It's a lot of things; the pressure; the hand I have on my clitoris, sometimes; the way, as I'm touching myself, he asks if I'd like a cock in my bottom now; the urgency I feel from him; the passion; sensing how much he gets from it.

    It's something you work for; therefore worth more. It's something rare, special, you are subject to the whims of your body: slower, gentler, stop. Now. Ready. All of you. I feel laid bare, exposed and truly loved in all my dirtyness and loneliness and realness and femaleness.

  6. alphafemme
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    Just wanted to chime in… I find myself in an interestingly parallel place: I both desperately want to BE fucked in the ass, and I'm also kind of scared of it.

    Sometimes when I'm masturbating, I'll use a vibrator on my asshole (not up it, but just on it, right outside), while my fingers are going at my clit. AMAZING feeling. Just amazing. The stimulation I get from the vibrator *always* makes me feel like I want to be FUCKED and NOW. The vibrating stimulation relaxes me, too, and makes my ass much more open.

    So, I've done a bit of solo ass play, but I'm kind of antsy now to make it a duo. Still, though, kind of nervous.

  7. sara
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    let me start off with saying i had some of the best anal sex the other day with my lady. i love anal sex, we dont do it often, so when we do its a special treat.

    concerning the 'ick' factor. i always use the bathroom and take a shower before hand. but if you want that deeper cleaner feeling go for an enema.

    we never just jump into anal. always lots of foreplay. my lady also gets me off a couple times before she goes for my ass. i cant say i've ever been scared or nervous about anal, actually i think my girl is more nervous about hurting me then i am of being hurt on accident. but starting off slow and steady and working up to a good fuck is essential.

    i love the full feeling of being well and truly fucked up my ass. i like fingering my pussy while my girl is fucking my ass and feeling her cock sliding in and out. its just so different from being fucked in the pussy. its intense and i've had some of my best and most intense orgasms from anal.

    good luck! and have fun!

  8. tongue-tied
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    my first anal experience was with a guy deciding he was going to fuck me in the ass w/o consultation, lubrication or acknowledgment of my protests. to say it was uncomfortable on many levels would be an understatement.

    over the years, anal sex would bob up in my consciousness, darkly, with something of a sickening thrill – i mean, after that experience, how in the world could i even think there might be pleasure there?! looking back, i think part of that was me needing to reclaim the power i felt i'd lost in my initial experience. take it back for me and make it what i wanted it to be.

    anal sex is certainly ripe with possible protestation points, but desire can easily make each of those manageable, if not minor.

    i may be imagining that i wrote a blog post about curling up behind my gf, working her clit, and then also one slick finger into her ass as i whispering a very detailed scenario into her ear about how i was going to fuck her in the ass before i ever did. i'm too short on time to dig it up, if it actually exists. in lieu, here is my post about our first time: http://tonguetiedblue.blogspot.com/2008/09/hearin

    it's hot because its sensations are so different – hot because it's so vulnerable – hot because it's taboo. orgasms during anal penetration are something both familiar and entirely different.

    best advice: plenty of slow, plenty of listening and plenty of lube!

  9. Kim
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    Just a few comments:

    Anal is my favourite type of sex. I am very particular about the dildos we use for anal though. I like a tapered end – so not one with a large head, as many of the realistic ones have. I would recommend something like this one to start with: http://www.edenfantasys.com/dildos/strap-on-dildo… (We don't use the vibe though, I just bought it for the shape and size).

    I've never really had a bad anal experience. The only time the 'shit' factor has ever been an issue was when I was coming down with a bad virus which affected my tummy and didn't know it. Otherwise, provided you've been to the toilet beforehand, you should be fine. Soaping just slightly inside the anus (making sure you rinse properly afterwards) might make you feel more comfortable if the cleanliness factor is an issue. The Taormino book might be good if you're nervous. I have it – my partner and I read it after we had had anal a few times, and while we didn't learn much from it that we hadn't figured out for ourselves already, if you're unsure it might be good.

    I actually have anal orgasms – so I cum when my partner is fucking my ass, without any other stimulation. They are the most mind-blowing orgasms – better then clit or vaginal ones, in my opinion.

    Another fave activity is having her fuck my cunt while I have a butt plug in – very, very intense and amazing. I kind of lose the plot a bit with it – it blows my mind.

    I think, apart from the astonishing orgasms, the thing I like most is the sense of complete surrender to my partner. I am handing a very sensitive and potentially embarrassing part of my body over to her entirely, and that surrender of control is what really does it for me, I think.

    Kris, if you want to ask anything about this privately, I'm happy to answer you – femme-bottom to femme-bottom (excuse the pun). I guess Sin can see my email address, even though it's not published here.

    Enjoy!

  10. lady brett
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    "It makes me feel dirty. It makes me feel strange. It makes me feel vulnerable beyond measure."

    that about sums it up. but since you asked so nicely (and it's something i've actually given a lot of thought to) i'll elaborate.

    my ex was all about the ass. she loved asses, ass play, etc. so i tried it, very, very skeptically. and i didn't like it. but i do tend to adhere to "i'll try anything twice," at which point i really didn't like it, but with a burst of absolutely insane ecstasy at the end. the kind of scary, i actually don't know what just happened (what did i do? or scream?) kind. that, you know…made me a little more curious about it.

    as of the last time i was fucked in the ass (hmm, i do say "in") i still didn't *like* it, exactly. there is something about it that is so profoundly taboo to me – beyond the general ick factor, it makes me very uncomfortable, mentally – and it kind of hurts, in my experience. but i love it. confusing, yeah?

    i think it is a power thing. it's like the ultimate winner submissive thing for me. because it's something i really, genuinely don't want to do (as compared to pretending i don't want, or being afraid of, but wanting). but it is not something i don't enjoy. i don't, at first, but farther along…i don't think there is anything i've ever done that makes me quite that hot. it's the perfect example of "you'll do it, and you'll like it!" =)

    at least, that's how i though of it, but it's been a while. i'm afraid my girlfriend might not be pushy enough for this experiment.

  11. aJenniferOriginal
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    I love me some buttsex. Also, Always Aroused Girl writes about it so magnificently, I can't recommend her enough on this subject and others too, like fisting :D

  12. Kim
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    Oh, something else I should have said about dildo choice – the smooth operator one I suggested above also has a fair bit of 'give' in it, which is good because the anus isn't straight, but curves about a bit, so very firm dildos can hurt a little.

  13. Screaming Lemur
    Wednesday, September 23, 2009

    I'll echo a few other people and say that, yes, when it's done right (slow at first, lots of listening to your body, and lube is love)- it's one of the most fascinating ways to have sex. The power dynamic, taboo and nerve stimulation combine to short my brain right out.

    THE most fascinating I've ever encountered is DP. A vibrating plug in my ass and her cock in me from behind had me screaming for quite awhile. The good kind of screaming.

    (Actually, I was a bit embarrassed later because we were in a hotel, but otherwise, a-MA-zing.)

    The embarrassment about 'OMG it's the ass' is easily remedied, and for me at least mostly subsided after the first time.

    I hope you give it a try and enjoy it, Kristen; I know that Sinclair will take good care of you.

  14. Faith
    Thursday, September 24, 2009

    Yeah, what IS the thing with guys and ass fucking?? Your other posts got me all horned on…. but this subject always dries up the cream…

  15. TangoAstor
    Thursday, September 24, 2009

    Kristen – you've rec'd plenty of good info already.

    Mr. S – this is for you:

    Go slow. Be patient. Use a *lot* of lube. With regard to the "ick factor" – I never penetrate my girl's ass w/out gloves or condoms. Enema play can be a great addition to the experience, especially considering the kink, D/S perspective. Use a lot of lube. I know I already said it – but it bears repeating. Tristan's book is a great jumping-off place. There's a reason why she's the authority on the subject. She knows of what she speaks.

    And I can also tell you – fucking Kristen's ass will not be like fucking a guy's ass. I know this from my own experiences. The prostate means a man has a different physical response.

    And like all women – getting fucked in the ass means different things for each. I can only speak to my own experience, of course. But you've shared enough about yourself and your particular sexual dynamics w/Kristen that we can offer some sage advice.

    Start by introducing anal play in your regular sex. A well-lubed, gloved finger. Then two. Graduate to beads. Then a butt plug. Use condoms. When you're ready to use your cock, use a smaller one than normal with a smooth head. (I have a special cock just for ass-fucking).

    As a fellow "service top" (I thought I was the only butch who used that phrase!) I can tell you that the power surge that comes from knowing I give my girl more pleasure than anyone ever has before or ever will is unlike any other feeling in the world. The teasing, toying and eventual orgasm I give her is absolutely debilitating. She's like a zombie for hours.

    Okay, so maybe I do have some words for Kristen.

    My girl cums hardest when she has strong, forceful G-spot stimulation, indirect clitoral stimulation and a full ass. She says there's no other feeling in the world like it. That sensation of being "full". Knowing she's powerless to stop it. Feeling utterly submissive. Penetrated in every sense of the word. Knowing from Mr. S's blog – you are one of those very fortunate women who cums easily. Adding anal play to your sex life will only increase your pleasure.

  16. Faith
    Thursday, September 24, 2009

    hmm all these ppl seem to know what they're talking about… please excuse my prude comment!

  17. b
    Thursday, September 24, 2009

    i was introduced to anal several years ago by a partner and while i was super nervous at first, i grew to really love it.

    i spent a lot of time exploring it on my own, so K, maybe some alone exploration time where you don't have to worry about anyone watching or being excited to participate?

    i

  18. Frances
    Thursday, September 24, 2009

    Ummm….some people love ass sex. Some people do not. Some people like to be tied to fences during Folsom with a funnel taped to their mouth – I guess what I am saying is ymmv.

    Whatever you decide you should make the best decision *for you* and your relationship based solely on your desire and interest. Seriously – this peer pressure approach to trying something new sexually rarely works. Like, all these people tell you it's cool and so you figure if you don't do it that makes you un-cool and really that's just a set up for you.

    There are things you can push yourself toward that can lead toward greater intimacy and fun in your relationship – but my opinion on the subject -frankly anyone's experience on the subject shouldn't matter to you.

    It can be really awesome and amazing….but it has to be your decision. And if you decide that you aren't feeling it right now that is ok too…. It certainly doesn't make you one ounce less sexy or adventurous or beautiful or daring or fun. Try to drown out the background noise and focus on what you really want. xoxoxoxoxoxox

    (not what you were hoping for SB – but that's my best honest answer.)

  19. J
    Friday, September 25, 2009

    I happen to enjoy anal sex. But this post annoys me. If your girlfriend isn't totally into it, she's not totally into it. Getting readers to encourage her? Really? If she doesn't already want it, don't do it.

    Maybe you should focus less on your cock, and more on her pleasure.

    "If only one partner has any interest in doing an activity, and the other either has none, or is opposed to it, it's generally best to just decline."

    – Heather Corrinna, Scarleteen

  20. tongue-tied
    Friday, September 25, 2009

    while i can appreciate the perspective voiced in the last post that encouraging someone to do something they don't want to can be annoying, i would offer that my understanding of the spirit of the post was not one of coercion. and also that from everything i know from reading here about Sinclair, she is a careful, attentive and considerate lover. furthermore, i would expect any woman that Sinclair would be attracted to would be able to make up her own mind, regardless of the opinions of others. ultimately, i expect that what happens between Sin & her girl happens between them because they choose that for themselves, and not because of any of us out here.

  21. queermo
    Friday, September 25, 2009

    I really like anal sex, but since it requires so much foreplay it's not my go-to sex act.

    If you're both nervous about it, a little tip I recommend is Kristen to be on her back, rather than stomach for the first few (or several, or every) times. You'll be able to make eye contact, able to see each other and each other's bodies' responses.

    Approach it with no expectations – have the first time only being about rimming, or just a vibrator on the outside of the ass, or only penetration with one finger.

    I know Kristen ejaculates too, so hopefully as a fellow ejaculator she appreciates this encouragement. The first time my anal play included penetration (just one finger!) I ejaculated so hard and far it hit and went over my partner's face and shoulder! So hottt. Again – why being on your back is a an asset for the first few times. ;)

    Hope this helps!

  22. G
    Thursday, October 1, 2009

    I can't really offer tips or advice, since I'm kind of in the same boat as you, Sinclair – I've wanted to, I've talked about it, and I've done some play – but haven't actually done it. I'm not sure why, except there has been the specific thought that I may hurt her during the act. I'm big, I'm strong, and I get physical – so of course that makes me a bit nervous.

    I will say that some of the best information I got about it was a conversation I had with two of my straight female friends, one who likes anal and one who doesn't. They discussed the pros and cons and talked about how to make it better (my friend who LOVES it said she likes it better while on top, because then she can control it). The frank discussion from them opened my eyes about what it's like to receive, both in a positive and negative way. So when it does happen, I'm hoping this feedback from women who receive will help me make it a good experience for my partner.

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