if I was being really honest
Posted on August 6, 2008 in semantics | 19 Comments
If I was being really honest with myself, I would _________________.
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19 Comments | Category: semantics | Tags: honesty, reader participation, self-awareness, why I love writing this blog, writing prompt
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I'm Sinclair Sexsmith, the kinky queer butch top behind this site. I'm a writer, storyteller, and performer who studies critical feminist & gender theory, sexual freedom, social change activism, archetypes, and the tantric and buddhist spiritual systems. I am currently based in New York City. More about me →
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Sugarbutch Chronicles is an online writing project (aka “blog”) which explores sovereignty, healing, and communication through the personal examinations of sex, gender, and relationships, while celebrating queer sexuality, gender, culture, and identity in ways that are expansive rather than restrictive, liberating rather than limiting.More of Me
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August 6th, 2008 @ 8:36 am
admit that I'm still really scared. I don't want her to know that but she pays such close attention that I know she sees it.
August 6th, 2008 @ 8:38 am
stop trying to be so stoic and admit to myself that it really does bother me to see hir with her…
August 6th, 2008 @ 9:15 am
…recognize that I'm too much of a snob to keep her in my life. I love the money and success that I've worked so hard for, but we don't speak the same language anymore. As sweet as she is, she can't hider her resentment and I can't tell her about my life.
August 6th, 2008 @ 9:21 am
Leave.
And see whether or not it really makes a difference if I stay or go.
August 6th, 2008 @ 9:51 am
http://tsugradstudent.livejournal.com/11646.html
August 6th, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
admit it really was my fault and maybe I could have done something differently.
August 6th, 2008 @ 5:10 pm
fuck all my friends.
August 7th, 2008 @ 3:33 am
i say it's ok, take your time, let's be friends, but if i'm honest, i think about the idea of us every day.
http://kimizone.com/kim/?p=326
August 7th, 2008 @ 7:09 am
take responsibility for my apathy.
August 7th, 2008 @ 7:40 am
have to tell my yoga teacher how much I want to sleep with her.
August 7th, 2008 @ 9:23 am
deal with the guilt and file for divorce.
August 7th, 2008 @ 10:10 am
panic
August 7th, 2008 @ 11:50 am
Quit my job and move to Connecticut. Close enough to NYC and close enough to R to get what I need from both right now.
August 7th, 2008 @ 11:55 am
i do love these promptings, sinclair…
http://hussyred.blogspot.com/2008/08/honestly.htm...
August 7th, 2008 @ 9:35 pm
http://missavarice.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-shoul...
at the bottom
August 7th, 2008 @ 10:36 pm
Keep doing exactly what I’m doing.
And flirt harder with the girl who let me grope her cock last week.
And jump the boy in the kilt.
And set aside three days for quiet retreat and meditation.
August 8th, 2008 @ 2:45 am
Let someone love me.
August 8th, 2008 @ 3:45 am
..relax and recognise that no matter what I do, no matter how well-behaved and blameless I was and am, it's not fucking coming back. I can't sustain it because it's a two-person deal – a relationship – and I can't provide joy for two. Stop seeing optimism in the insignificant details and start sincerely trying to get over it.
(Stop calling it optimism.)
But..
But it hasn't been very long and everything is still so fucking raw.
In other words; if I was being really honest with myself, I would. But I won't.
August 15th, 2008 @ 4:26 pm
move away and stop struggling to hold onto scrumbles