Free download: Submissive Starter Kit

Since I know some of you aren’t the type to make the first move, I’m going to be bold.

Here’s a taste, a little tease, just for you.

What’s in the Submissive Starter Kit?

Okay, so maybe you’ve completed these first five steps and you’re still pretty damn sure that you’re submissive or want to play that way sometimes, and you are still looking for more.

But now, you’re asking yourself:

  • How do I get more kinky play?
  • What kind of skills do I need to have or bring as a bottom?
  • How do I flirt with tops?
  • What are my next steps as a submissive?
  • … and more.

So I’ve put together a video (from the Submissive Playground Bondage unit) and submissive journal prompts to support it.

Hey wait! What’s a submissive journal?

It’s the place where you keep all your reflections on being submissive, on service, on scenes, on aftercare, on what things worked and didn’t work, on what to try next time. If you’re in service to a specific person or people, you could keep lists of their preferences in it. I suggest you also bring it to classes or conferences and take notes in it, to keep them all in one place.

You might also keep a list of resources in the back, like books or websites to check out, or people to contact on Fetlife. You can easily tuck some of your cards (if you have them) into it to carry around at events, or tear out a little corner of a piece of paper to write your name and Fetlife profile or contact info on if you meet someone interesting.

Or, in this day & age, you might just designate a page in it to be your “digital business card” with your contact info and name, and invite people to take a photo of it with their phone (assuming they have one that takes photos).

Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, your current or future dominant may give you writing assignments or art tasks, and your journal will come in handy for those things, too.

Oh yeah—I highly, highly recommend dominant/top/D-types have journals, too, where they record pretty much the same things. This isn’t something unique to submissives. I just happen to be focused on submissives at the moment and in this kit.

Start here: Watch the video

Time to get out submissive journal and take some notes of the things in rife’s talk that speak to you.

Here’s your Submissive Journal Prompts for this video:

This is box title

PROMPT #1:
Rife detailed these four tips for getting more kinky play. Write your notes on each- Have you tried this already? How can you use this in the future more? Which is your favorite and least favorite?

  1. Go to classes and workshops
  2. Buy your own toys
  3. Approach tops you’re interested in
  4. Consider switching

PROMPT #2:
Write your own 4 best flirting tips in your submissive journal, and share your favorites in the comments.

This is only one example piece of the homework for the Bondage unit. In the course, there are a variety of questions about the erotica assigned, the other guest videos for the module, and the experiment that players are conducting.

Here’s a little ZIP package of two PDFs & an image:

  • The transcript of rife’s video
  • Select submissive journal prompts for the Bondage unit, including some of your history with bondage and rife’s video above (three pages of prompts!)
  • The full image of rife’s illustrated “Prioritize Your Kink” identity development roadmap
DOWNLOAD NOW

You’re welcome! Hope you enjoy.

There are FOUR days left to register for Submissive Playground’s summer session, and there are limited spaces left! Sign up today and reserve your spot: submissiveplayground.com

Submissive Playground Winner!

Announcing: The winner of the Submissive Playground giveaway for the summer session is: Yasha!

winner1

random1

Thanks to all of you who wrote notes and about your submission and why you’re interested in the course … you may’ve thought you were just writing “blah blah blah” but actually I read every. Single. Thing and I am really curious about your stories. Every time somebody commented, I would say, “Oh! I wish they could come play too!” Seriously I want you all to join me/us in this course, it would be way better if you were here.

Here’s a few of the things you wrote:

This is box title

Hmm…dreadfully curious about this class. I was the first time around as well.

I have been looking for ways to expand my skills!

I am a poor college student that would love to learn about the nature of submission and how to become a better submissive. This is something I have been interested in for a very long time and I would love the opportunity to explore it in a safe and instructive environment.

I would love to hone in on my skills as a submissive within a queer context! I want to connect my queer identity with my kinky identity!

I’ve been dying to take this course and was so thrilled to see you’re offering it again!

The biggest thing I’d like to learn is how to express that I’m nearing my pain threshold without being bratty.

LOVE this website! I’d love a spot in the Subplay Course, if only to find a more local (not just virtual) sub network.

I’m a long-time bottom who’s had mostly non-bottoming experience. I am now in a relationship with a dom who wants to push me to be the submissive I envision myself being. I would like to get deeper into understanding how I can be a better service bottom and daddy’s boy, as well as how to make my dom feel well-taken care of. I’ve always wanted to go deeper into understanding the nuances and the give and take. I think this course would bring me much deeper into the world of submission, as well as help me examine why and how I want to be an effective submissive.

As a queer, submissive girl I would relish in the opportunity to expand my submission and my understanding of what makes me tick, so to speak. I would like to delve more into my service oriented nature.

In my everyday, vanilla life I am a dominating force to be reckoned with. I love submitting to my partner because I am able to get out of my head, forget about life responsibilities and just revel in offering myself to another. I would love a spot in your ecourse because I think learning about the intellectual/theoretical side of submission sounds fascinating and I would like to see how to apply that to my own submission.

See what I mean?!

I want you ALL to come. Hrm. Now I just have to figure out how to invite you.

Congrats on the win Yasha, I’m looking forward to working with you!

There’s still room in the Submissive Playground course, but spots are being filled up quickly. Sign up today to join us!

Want to promote your cool thing at the BUTCH Voices conference?

The third biennial national BUTCH Voices conference happens August 15-18 in Oakland, CA, and we are looking for awesome things that our conference attendees would want to know about.

Who are our conference attendees? Butches, AGs, studs, tombois, and all sorts of masculine of center identities, and a huge range of folks who want to spend some days talking about those kinds of identities. Largely queer, but not entirely.

Do you have:
– Flyers for your newest project?
– A little gifty item that could go in our conference swag bag?
– An exciting win for the BV raffle?
– Some amazing products to vend at the conference?

We want ’em!

Or maybe you want to take out an ad in the program? Heck yeah!

Deadlines are fast approaching, so let’s get going with this if you want to be involved. Contact [email protected] to sign up and arrange the details.

Press passes and press kits are available if you’d like to cover the conference for your media outlet.

Gaga Feminism Giveaway Winner

Thanks for all the great book recommendations and thoughts in the Gaga Feminism interview blog tour thread, folks.

Someone commented, “I’m just kind of surprised with all the thinking you do on gender studies and feminism you are uncritically endorsing gaga feminism.” I’m not sure I’d say I am “uncritically endorsing” gaga feminism—but I did like reading the book, I think there was a lot of interesting content, and a lot of things to think about and chew on. I’m not sure I agree with everything in the book—but hell, I don’t agree with everything I wrote on this website. I don’t think that I have to agree with everything. I still think it was worth reading and interesting, especially the parts about how gender studies and feminist thought are evolving to include a less binaristic view of gender, the indicators of that in popular culture, and how we as queers and genderqueers and other outlaws can continue to encourage that binaristic breakdown.

I’m not a theorist, so I’m not going to go through the whole book and write up the parts I think need broken down further or that I disagree with. It’s kind of an interesting intellectual exercise to do so, but frankly, I don’t have time. I’d rather be having kinky scenes that I can write about later, or writing love letters, or planning for my next classes.

So! Hey, there is a winner of the giveaway …

Congrats Emily! Thanks, Beacon Press, for providing the books.

Giveaway: The RodeoH Harness Winner Is …

#11, sterhymeswithtree:

If you’ve got some time, read through the comment thread on the RodeoH harness giveaway. Everybody left really fun and amazing stories about first time strap on experiences, packing experiences, harnesses that are awesome, all that. It strikes me that these stories are incredibly fun to tell, but that it’s pretty infrequent that we sit around telling our friends about the first time we strapped on, or when our harness malfunctioned, or how we’ve never tried it but want to. (Or, I don’t know, probably some of you do. I do, but only sometimes.) It’s fun to have a place to express that small story, and have others read it.

Thanks so much, RodeoH, for doing a harness giveaway for us. I am excited to see the larger sizes, the boxer-brief style, and whatever they might come up with in the future. If you didn’t win, sorry. You can still go right now to the RodeoH online store and enter code “SexSmith” to get $10 off your purchase—usually $45, they’d be $35 for Sugarbutch readers. I’d be curious, if you get one, how you like it—if you want to let me know, I’d love to read your own review or reactions.

Winner! Double Panel Compression Shirt

Thanks to Random.org, the random winner of the double panel compression shirt is … Barrett!

Ice cream sounds like a great idea for this heat wave.

I had a couple of questions about the compression shirt in the comments & via Twitter, so I’ll try to answer ’em here. Seems like that review was kind of vague (sorry about that)—to be honest, I’m not an expert in compression shirts, so I might not be the best person to answer these. This is my first experience with one and I haven’t been wearing it much this summer, so that’s about all I know. But I’ll do my best to answer these with what I know!

This looks like something my butch partner would really like in her size. What I can’t figure out is, if you purchase this in your size and you are someone with large breasts — does this cover the breasts completely or does the shirt still show the top of your breasts? Either way, I’m sure it’s fine under a button down—but I’ve been searching for something that covers the butch rack completely (cause cleavage isn’t what she’s going for).

Basically, it covers your breasts completely. If you have larger breasts (like I do) it does give you a little bit of cleavage at the top, because in order to flatten it has to spread ’em out as much as possible. It is definitely fine under a button down. I’m not sure I would wear it by itself, but it is very easy to wear under a tank top or tee shirt and won’t give you cleavage.

I got a question about the compression shirt. Should I buy one in my size or a size smaller??—@C_Rod224 on Twitter

I bought a size M because that’s the size of men’s tee shirt I wear, but it did NOT fit. The XL is still quite small and for a minute, I thought maybe it wasn’t going to be big enough to fit, but it does—it’s just a challenge to get on and off. So I would try one size larger.

I’m not an expert at this, though—other folks who have binders: do you generally buy your same tee shirt size, a size larger, a size smaller? What’s the rule for this?

One more question … I wanted to buy her the frog bra you had mentioned before and apparently it’s been discontinued… Do you or any of your readers know of a place that still sells them or of something with a different name that achieves the same effect? thank you thank you!

Yeah, it’s discontinued. From my understanding, it’s pretty good if you’re a C-D cup, but it’s not great if you’re bigger than that. I’ve tried a LOT of athletic bras, aka binders, and the best thing that I’ve found that works for me is my favorite, the Enell bra. I’ve got about four of these now, and while the elastic does wear down, when they are fresh, for me, they are nearly as effective as the compression shirt.

Anybody else out there have opinions about bras/binders that work well for larger-breasted folks?

The double panel compression shirt was sent to me from Babeland for review. Pick up other sex toys from Babeland, still my favorite feminist, queer, friendly, educational neighborhood sex shop.

Review & Giveaway: Double Panel Compression Shirt

I’ve been putting off this review because just about as soon as I received this double panel compression shirt, New York City started that little heat wave called SUMMER, and I have barely worn it since. In fact, while I’ve been working at home the last few days I’ve been topless, and when the time comes to go out in an actual shirt I can barely stand the fabric of a tank top on my skin, so there’s NO WAY I would wear this right now.

But I would gladly wear it, in general. I didn’t connect that it’d be 60-80 degrees while I was just visiting the Pacific Northwest, or I would’ve definitely brought it on that trip. There were a few times I wished I had.

I bought a compression shirt a few years back, the same brand—which seems from my knowledge to be the most famous and common brand—and while I thought I was getting the right size, I could not get it on. It did not fit.

So it is still basically brand new, in a box, where it’s been since I got it.

Would you like to have it? It’s size M, black. Leave a comment about one fun thing you’ve done this summer (or something else, just leave a comment) and I’ll pick one comment at random and mail it to you—if you’re in the US I’ll pay postage, if you’re outside of the US you pay postage. I’ll pick a winner on Tuesday, August 9.

This new one, though, I ordered a bit too large, in size XL, and it fits.

It helps tremendously with button down shirts and vests and flattening out my torso in general. I find it hard to breathe in, just a little, which is also why it’s been hard to wear in the last few months, because I’ve been thinking about and witnessing lots of things related to breathing and breath. I have to be a bit strategic about wearing it; I wouldn’t want to put it on for a hike or even a day when I was doing a whole lot of walking around New York City. I can definitely tell when I eat a large meal while wearing it, too.

I am pretty large chested—usually I wear a 34DD, though lately it’s been a 36DD—so I didn’t know if I could wear one of these at all. Glad to discover that it turns out, I can.

And you can bet I’ll be wearing it frequently once it cools down a bit more.

The double panel compression shirt was sent to me from Babeland for review. Pick up other sex toys from Babeland, still my favorite feminist, queer, friendly, educational neighborhood sex shop.

QueerPorn.TV Porn Party Giveaway

UPDATE! Secret special QueerPorn.TV membership for $5 off, special for Porn Party-goers!

Well hello there! I’m still writing away (or trying to) on my small hiatus, but I’m poking my head up out of Scrivener long enough to co-host a Twitter Porn Party Wednesday night, tomorrow, where we’ll be watching four episodes of QueerPorn.TV.

Want to join us? There’s still time to pick up a membership, and from what little I’ve seen of the site already, it is absolutely worth it if you’re into, well, queer porn. You can rent the videos individually or get a VIP membership for $29.95 a month (and you can cancel at any time), which I’d recommend if you’re going to join us since we’ll be watching four of ’em.

But, if you don’t have that kind of extra cash to spend on queer porn, who can blame you, I mean it’s a recession (aren’t we still in a recession? Or is that over now?) and we’re all underemployed.

So if you promise to come to the porn party, just leave a comment on this post to win a 1-month membership with which episode on QueerPorn.TV you’re most excited to see, or which looks the most hot from the descriptions and photos. Or the porn star you wish would be on QueerPorn.TV. Or something else entirely.

This is a quick giveaway—winner will be announced tomorrow morning so you’ll have time to get the membership all set up for the Porn Party, which is tomorrow, January 19th (6pm PST / 9pm EST), #pornparty on Twitter.

Oh, a quick aside—someone asked me yesterday if they could host their own Porn Party. Of course! We don’t have any claim on it. It’s been a blast so far, the others Garnet and I have hosted have been fun.