Posts Tagged ‘written by kristen’
Written by Kristen. Follow her on Twitter @kitchentop.
I love getting marked up. I love the little dark fingerprints that fade to yellow on my upper arms, the purple signs of a shoulder bite, the teeth marks on my inner thighs. I don’t crave pain the way some masochists do. I like rough sex and I like when Sinclair brings it all to me, when they hold down my chest with all their weight while their cock’s inside, when they pin my arm behind me without worrying about whether they’re yanking too hard. I like deep, hard punching, especially across my wings, my shoulder blades and upper back, and I like a spanking, and I like when the feeling of floating, when I know I can handle more.
But what I really like are the bruises, bigger and more colorful in the light of day. I like the memory of what we did last night blooming on my skin as I strip for the morning’s shower. I like a big bouquet of them, spread across my shoulders and neck and thighs, proof that someone wanted me so badly they had to grab and bite and sometimes break skin. I like to show them off; when we lived apart, I would text Sinclair pictures of my bruises and we’d both shiver a little at the memory, and sometimes they post them here for the rest of the world to see.
There’s a funny competitive thing among kinky people – “Look how badass I am! I can take more pain than you – just look at the bruises!” – that I sometimes fall prey to. But it does feel like a badge of honor, a symbol of how far I went, how difficult it can be to let your mind go so that pain and pleasure meld and you can’t tell the difference anymore.
And for me it’s something more: yes, I chose this. My feminist boyfriend gave me bruises because I explicitly consented to them, because they made us both feel good, and I am allowed to choose that if I want to. In fact, with informed, aware consent, I can choose whatever I want. It might not be something you would choose for yourself, but that’s real choice, isn’t it? If I can choose to satisfy my desires with freaky shit you’d never want to do, or get a full-sleeve tattoo or plugs in my earlobes, I’m actually thinking through what I want – and getting it – instead of going along with what the world says I should want.
Bruises take work, to give and get. That giant purple mass on my upper arm required consent, negotiation, and enough endorphins (probably generated by some orgasms) that my body was primed to receive pain, courage, and hard biting. That splay of dark angel wings on my back probably took an hour, strong arms, a carefully timed warmup, and significant exertion. They are not evidence of anger or victimhood; they are evidence of skill.
My partner and I are new to strap-on sex. We both love the idea of blowjobs, but I have no idea how to go about it without feeling supremely stupid. Help please! Could Kristen maybe give her perspective on learning to do it well?
Here’s Kristen’s answer:
How to suck butch cock: some advice.
Here’s the thing about sucking silicone cock: you have to pretend it’s real and remember that it’s not, both at the same time.
1. Pretending it’s real. This is most important: you have someone’s cock in your mouth, and you need to take care of it. Treat it like the beautiful and powerful instrument that it is, regardless of whether it came from a factory. Start slow. Put your lips on the tip. Lick around the head. Lick all the way down one side. Put it in your mouth for a minute, then take it out and lick it again. Eventually, once your mouth produces more saliva, you can suck it in deeper. Look up at your partner so they can see that you like it, so they can see the pleasure you’re giving them, even if they can’t exactly feel it. Act like you know what you’re doing, whether you actually do (hello, grateful college boys you might have practiced on) or you’re making it up as you go along. Vary your speed: don’t just repeat the same movement over and over, unless your partner gets into it and wants that. (Face-fucking is great, once you’ve gotten the hang of a basic blowjob.) Watch porn: even the free crappy stuff on Youporn is helpful here, because you can see facial expressions and technique and just mimic that.
2. Remembering it’s not. You’re not going to get physical indicators that tell you you’re doing a good job. You won’t be able to feel it getting harder (or limper) in your mouth, you’re not going to be able to feel when your partner is close to coming, you’re not going to know if you’re using your teeth too much. You have to do that work yourself: listen to your partner’s breathing, pay attention to their muscle contractions/their hands on your head/gasps of pleasure. You have to do the work of making it the most amazing blowjob they’ve ever gotten, even if they can’t feel every movement of your tongue. But that’s the fun part: you can do pretty much whatever you want to make that happen.
What do you think? Got any other advice for how to give blow jobs that don’t make you feel supremely stupid?
Review written by Kristen.
I’ve been putting off this review for awhile. Sin asked me for a draft and I said, “Five words: nothing compares to Mr. Sexsmith.” Which is true, but there are occasions where I need to get myself off. So as a substitute, I’d say the Hitachi Magic Wand is adequate but not life-changing.
At first I wanted to use it three or four days in a row, to test the theory that it would numb your clit with repeated use. But that test didn’t happen. The electricity in my subleased bedroom didn’t work for a week – seemingly irrelevant to this review, but it reinforces a basic problem with the Hitachi: it’s not as reliable as my hands, which are available and functioning 24 hours a day.
I’d used a Hitachi before, somewhat warily. As you might, um, already know, I come easily – “You just need a stiff breeze,” a friend joked recently. I like that about myself and I don’t want it to change. I don’t want to be so accustomed to high-power humming on my clit that I can’t get off any other way. That said, the two or three times I’d borrowed Sinclair’s – we’re fluid-bonded, people, it’s ok – I kind of liked it. And by that I mean I came in seconds and wanted to keep going.
But actually owning a Hitachi is different, and I worried it would become the guaranteed-get-me-off machine. I want to be able to get off when it really counts, i.e. when Sinclair’s fucking me. So I used it once, when Sin was out of town, and it, um, worked. I used my fingers first, had a quick orgasm, got myself wet so I’d feel the vibration a little better, and went to town. I found that the first couple of orgasms came easily from the low setting, but I thought I’d try the higher setting to see if I could handle it. Some people find the high setting is too intense, but after the first few times I came from the low setting, I wanted more – and I could handle it just fine.
And then I brought it with me on a trip out of town – and didn’t use it. I think I wanted a more prolonged, less intense orgasm than I felt it could give me – I wanted a long, slow build instead of a burst of pleasure. That’s not to say I couldn’t have a massive orgasm from a Hitachi, given the right conditions (long, hot fantasy on an afternoon by myself; Sin using it on me while I’m tied up and can’t protest). But nothing beats my hands for a solid 45-minute jerkoff session.