Vortex Poem, Or: What I learned these last 15 years of studying embodiment

Most of the time, my body has the answer. My own body, this vessel, this corporeal flesh with pulses and nerves and bone, these muscles that move me around and enable me to jump and reach and grasp and squat and pump. This unexplainable, inimitable machine that lets me experience the world through my senses, that gives my brain input about taste and smell and texture.

I’ve learned that there are many more senses than the five we tend to focus on: taste touch smell sight sound. There’s also thermoception, the ability to tell temperature. And magnetoception to sense the magnetic fields around us. And nociception—how our bodies sense pain.

If I can just find silence deep enough so that I can listen to what the synapses and blood cells are saying, I have found that my body has the answer. Sit still, she sometimes whispers to me. Or, Get up and move and move and move. Don’t stop. Keep going. Or, Goddamn, you need more root vegetables in your mouth. Make it happen.

The process of transformation is so minute, and so slow. I want it on a time-lapse like an bud opening into a huge white lily and then wilting to drip pollen all over the table. Maybe then we’d actually see how the light inside starts to seep through all the cracks, we’d see the ways that lightening strikes the same place over and over. Maybe it would make me laugh and laugh. Maybe I would feel that itch in my bones like when I am too tired to sleep but my body is overspun and needs dreams to recharge.

So I don’t really know how to explain to you what happened when I went into my first 3-day long weekend workshop when I was twenty, and how that paved a way to the path I’m on right now. I don’t know how to explain how hard it was to save $300 from my $60-week personal assistant job that usually covered my groceries but barely, and that I saved it anyway, and saved up every year after that, to make sure that I got to go back to that space. That space where there were women of all ages (these were all-women’s workshops, before there were queer options offered) took their clothes off and talked about their relationships to their bodies, the trauma and pleasure and amazing things that they have done, like birth and nurse babies, or how they create transcendent orgasmic experiences. I found a circle of women, and while I dabbled in studying wicca and feminism, and I knew hypothetically intellectually the power of women’s circles, I hadn’t actually experienced them until then.

And now I still go back. I crave the clarity that comes in circle, that feeling like I am sitting on top of a volcano and it is filling me from the bottom up, spilling out of the crown of my head and I am part of all that is. I crave the power that is generated by a group—so different and impossible to recreate when alone. We have so much energy in our bodies, so much power and potential that only needs the right outlet to plug into so it can be released, so it can be used to light up an entire city block.

I don’t just go back, though—now I spend a significant amount of my time studying how these circles work and how to lead and how to create the circumstance where the container of the circle is strong. I don’t just show up as a facilitator or an assistant, I create it for days before and close it for days after, spending time in meditation and in masturbation gathering and cultivating my own energy to try to form some temple out of thin air.

Maybe it’s hard to believe, from this point of view, but I have not always been able to ask for what I want. I have not always been able to take and allow and accept and give and receive in the beautiful ways that felt soul-nourishing like diving into the perfect clear mountain lake with shiny colorful soft pebbles at the bottom. At first it was just murky cloudy water, grey like the color of a sky when it can’t decide whether or not to rain. But everything got clearer as my connection to my body got stronger. I can feel more, I can tell what I want, I can tell when I’m hungry or when I’m thirsty, I can tell when I need touch and what kind of touch would be the most satisfying, I can tell when my arms get thick and my shoulders get tight that I just want to bust out my flogger and wail on someone for as long as they’ll let me. I can tell when I crave piercing skin or sliding in slow or being filled as thick and swollen as I can take.

The transformation, that’s the part that’s hard to put my finger on. I can tell you about the before and after, though. I can tell you how scary it used to be to tell a lover that I wanted something else, more, different, in bed. I remember listening to women in workshops talk about what they wanted and who they were and their growing edges, and I wanted what they had, I wanted to be that, to know what they knew. I didn’t know how to become someone who knew what I wanted, but I saw the next stone, the next step in the path, the next light down the way, and I followed and listened and followed, and when a sign post came up that said, Pssst, something useful is down that way, I took it seriously. I invested time and money and energy. I carved out the space, because I needed it, I needed a new way to be me in the world, a way that was less apologetic and desperate, that was more whole and holy and aligned and attuned.

Maybe that’s what I wanted most of all: the state of being so attuned to someone else that I’d feel psychic, or transparent, like all my thoughts were swirling around me in some sort of deconstructed vortex poem. That kind of physical attunement when our cells know each other, where our pulses swell and release at the same rhythm, where our blood pressure matches because we spent so much time with our hearts pumping next to each other. And I wanted that skill, that ability to dive so deep into someone else’s body.

I wanted to learn trust my body to tell me secrets like a conch shell. It’s not like that’s ever done, check, figured it out, it’s more like a work in progress, a pathway I strengthen every day. But at least now, I know what it is, what it possibly could be.

I’m about to go back on tour. 2013-2014 workshops! Bring me to your school!

It’s that time of year again … I am about to get back on the road and do workshops at colleges.

This year, I’ve narrowed down my workshop offering seven academic workshops:

* Starred workshops are brand new for 2013-2014, though frequently built upon other workshops I’ve offered in the past.

I also have some kink workshops, but I’m still working on gathering all of those together into a PDF.

I will continue to do talk about custom workshop requests, and I’ve got a Big List of All The Workshops I’ve Offered over on mrsexsmith.com in case there was this one workshop that caught your eye but you can’t remember what it was and it’s not on this new list.

Currently, I have these trips planned—and I have many more in the works that are just not quite finalized! If you are going to school somewhere near these places? I’m looking to add on gigs while I’m already going to be visiting. Get in touch with me or my intern Lori at [email protected].

10/6-7, Claremont Colleges, Claremont, CA. Writing ourselves into existence workshop, queer theory class, spoken word performance!
10/16 NYU, New York City, Best Sex Ever workshop
11/14 Wild at Heart, Seattle, WA – Cock Confidence
11/15 The Foundation for Sex Positive Culture (FSPC), Seattle, WA – Advanced Cock Confidence
11/16 The FSPC, Seattle, WA – Leaving Marks
11/17 Wild at Heart, Seattle, WA – Queering Power Dynamics

My appearances calendar is always updated at mrsexsmith.com/appearances.

Here’s the PDF for this year’s workshops (which you can download here if you prefer):

I’m really excited to get back out there and have more conversations with all of you. Did I mention that Pink & White gave me a box of porn for me to bring to you for giveaways?

New workshop in Albuquerque July 21: Pleasure Lab

Have you ever witnessed a green growing thing and wondered why it could grow so effortlessly? is it possible for YOU to grow that effortlessly? How do you channel the force that drives the seedling toward the sun? Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be more at home in your own skin? Have you wondered what embodiment is, or really feels like? Have you desired to have deeper experiences of pleasure, joy, and ecstasy?”

That’s the beginning of the description for my new workshop, Pleasure Lab, co-taught with Amy Butcher. It’s an “embodiment” workshop—meaning, feeling deeper into one’s own body, expanding the senses, getting in touch with desires and pleasure, and encouraging more aliveness. We will spend quite a bit of time creating a safe circle to play within, exploring our own boundaries, and really feeling into our yesses and nos before we build to offering some supportive, healing touch to each other.

That sounds less fun than it’s actually going to be, though. We’re going to offer all sorts of experiments that are juicy and thought-provoking and heart-centered and we’re going to take risks and dive deep into ourselves and learn all sorts of embodiment concepts that we can take home with us, to our partners or friends or lovers or whomever.

It’s a half-day workshop, from 12-5pm, Sunday, July 21st in Albuquerque, New Mexico. $50 donation requested, no one turned away for lack of funds.

Details below.

pleasurelab

PLEASURE LAB: An embodiment workshop with Amy Butcher & Sinclair Sexsmith
Sunday, July 21st, 2013
12-5 pm in Albuquerque, NM

Cost: $50 donation requested (no one turned away for lack of funds; please contact Kat at [email protected] to discuss) space is limited; pre-registration is encouraged.

Pre-registration available at: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/6909818453# or contact Kat.

What is the Pleasure Lab?

Have you ever witnessed a green growing thing and wondered why it could grow so effortlessly? is it possible for YOU to grow that effortlessly? How do you channel the force that drives the seedling into the sun? Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be more at home in your own skin? Have you wondered what embodiment is, or really feels like? Have you desired to have deeper experiences of pleasure, joy, and ecstasy?

Come explore with us.

Come to this master workshop and begin to harvest the erotic knowledge in your body. Through experimentation, we’ll learn tools to be deeply present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind.

This program will help you tap into the nutrient rich soil of erotic play which will help fuel your erotic self-discovery, compassion, and self-confidence. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple games and tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body, and experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. All exercises will be clothes-on, and any touch is optional and always consensual.

When completing this workshop, participants wishing for more will have a grasp on the skills used in the Celebrating the Body Erotic workshops offered by the Body Electric School (thebodyelectricschool.com).

The Pleasure Lab workshop is open to women, trans, and genderqueer identified people, regardless of ability, ethnicity, class, or experience. The Source is fully accessible. Food will not be provided but we will have breaks; bring a snack if you may need one. Please wear comfortable clothes that are easy for you to move in, and bring a water bottle and a journal.

About the Facilitators:

Amy Butcher (amybutcher.com) and Sinclair Sexsmith (mrsexsmith.com) met at a tantra retreat in 2009 and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both work with the Body Electric School, study erotic energy, and write smut.

About the coordinator:

Kat Heatherington is poet, artist, polyamorous ecofeminist pagan, with a background in literature, who lives in a sustainable intentional community south of Albuquerque, Sunflower River. She has been studying with the Body Electric School since 2010.

BUTCH Voices Call for Proposals due in two days!

extended

From the BV press release:

BUTCH Voices third national conference has extended our call for proposals to June 21st, 2013. We are currently seeking workshops submissions of all kinds, and in all formats: films, performances, skill shares, readings, meditation, and movement—anything and everything that addresses the cultural, sexual, emotional, physical, and psychological relationships that arise in the lives of butches, studs, tombois, aggressives, machas, etc. We are open to all perspectives–queer, feminist, womanist, neither or beyond! We particularly encourage proposals by and for people-over sixty, under twenty-one, by and for the working-class, people of color, and persons with disabilities.

“We have incredible submissions so far,” said Joe LeBlanc, conference founder and board chair. “We have received so many authentic, solid, and heart resonating responses that we want to leave the window open just a bit longer.”

The BUTCH Voices National Conference, happening at the Marriott Oakland City Center in Oakland, California on August 15-18, 2013, has happened twice before and boasted community conversations and regional conferences between national conferences. Each national conference has brought together hundreds of people to discuss issues related to masculine of center identities.

“There is currently a thread on our facebook page,” said Sinclair Sexsmith, media chair of the BUTCH Voices board, “discussing what kind of workshops the attendees would still love to see happen. Ideas range from latino/a butch identity to butch trans women to butch fashion to youth to allyship to hairstyles. We are expecting a wide range of offerings at the third conference. As always, the programming committee’s choices will center around our three initiatives: community building, social and economic justice, and physical and mental health. But there will be a lot of fun, playful things thrown in there, too.”

The full call for proposals is on the BUTCH Voices website at http://www.butchvoices.com/call-for-proposals .

BUTCH Voices expects more than 300 attendees for the weekend gathering in August. More information can be found at www.butchvoices.com.

###

Smith College, Oh My!, The CSPH, UTK Sex Week, IMsL, and Where Else I’ll Be In the Next Few Months

Oh hello there Internet, I know you’re still here, and I love you. I’ve been quiet, but I’ve been working behind the scenes, diligently, trying to get things back in order so I can write more smut. I miss writing smut. Do you miss reading my smut writing?

And hello out there in person too! I’ve been teaching so many things in person these days. I feel stronger about my teaching skills, but I am definitely still learning. After eight workshops in seven days in February, I feel like I’m starting to feel like I’m getting closer to my 10,000 hours of teaching. (Ten thousand hours is actually about ten years, so goes the theory, and I’ve only been teaching sexuality and gender for about five years, but I did train to be a writing teacher ten years ago, so maybe my ten thousand hours are probably close to complete.)

Here’s where I’ll be in the coming weeks, and what’s going on for me this summer.

And then, the big news is that on Monday, April 1st, I’ve got a one-way ticket to San Francisco. I’ll be there for April and May, and then I’ll be heading to Alaska to visit family for June and July. I’ll be back in the Bay Area in August, and then … honestly, I’m not sure what will happen after that. I hope between now and then I’ll find a plan. If you feel inspired to donate to me as I restart and recalibrate and transition into a new incarnation of myself, and figure out what the hell I’m going to do with Sugarbutch and my heart, that would be incredibly helpful.

Here’s the rest of my summer schedule:

… After that, I’m not sure. I’m taking a leap of faith and trusting that I’ll figure it out along the way. I’m kind of looking for a job, at least maybe a part-time something, to get my feet back under me and have more consistency.

I was walking home the other day, and my neighbor, this small bald Puerto Rican guy with a handlebar mustache who I’ve made friends with over the five years I’ve lived here, said to me, “Haven’t seen you lately! Where you been?”

“I’ve been traveling, working,” I said. “I’m moving in April, actually.”

He said, “You’re moving!? Where you going?”

“To California,” I said, not wanting to go into the longer story of I’m-not-sure-Alaska-who-knows-about-the-fall.

“California!” he exclaimed, and proceeded to rant a little about how high the rent is in New York. I agreed.

“Well, I hope you have a happier, easier life out there in the California sunshine,” he offered. I teared up. I really hope I have a happier, easier life out there, too. And thanks, universe, for sending me a little reminder of the pleasure of my new adventure.

Where I’ll Be in Spring 2013: Leaving Marks, Fucking Forever, and Other Workshops in Toronto, Seattle, New York, and More

Greetings from Texas! I’m back in Houston visiting Rife, and I’m booking working traveling emailing and trying to get my next few months of spring travel solidified.

In addition to doing workshops and classes at colleges and toy stores, I’m available for private sessions in any of the cities that I’m visiting. I finished a year-long training in 2012 to see people privately for sex and intimacy coaching, and as you can imagine my specialties within that include BDSM, topping and bottoming, power exchange, D/s, gender explorations, leather, Daddy identity, and … well, basically everything that I write about here. I’m glad to tell you more about what those sessions are like or what I’m available for, and if you’re interested in booking time with me when I’m in one of these cities, contact me and we can talk about it, mrsexsmith at gmail.com.

More information about my private coaching sessions is available over at mrsexsmith.com/coaching.

Of course, I’m available for individual and couples sessions—sex and intimacy coaching—via Skype or phone, too, but doing it in person is a lot more fun.

Here’s where I’ll be in the spring as of now:

January 9-16, TBA, Houston TX
January 11, Sex Out Loud Radio, 5 pm PST/8 pm EST on Tristan Taormino’s radio show on The VoiceAmerica Network. Call in to talk to me and Tristan LIVE: 866-472-5788.
January 17, Advanced Cock Confidence, Wild At Heart, Seattle
January 18, Talking Dirty, The FSPC, Seattle
January 20, Leaving Marks, Wild At Heart, Seattle
January 25-27, Celebrating the Body Erotic II for Women, Body Electric Retreat, Albany
January 31, Queer Porn TV #pornparty! Free! Three scenes that I’m sure will be hottt.

February 4, Leaving Marks class at Conversio Virium, Columbia University, New York
February 7-10, Feminist Politics of Topping at the IvyQ conference, Yale, New Haven CT
February 14, Guest speaker at the 50 Shades of Grey course at American University, Washington, DC
February 15-17, Protocol in D/s Relationships, Talking Dirty, Fucking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships, Write Better Smut at Dark Odyssey Winter Fire, Washington DC

March 1-3, Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic for all bodies workshop, Body Electric, Philadelphia
March 7, New College of Florida, Sarasota

April 4-6, Feminist Porn Awards, Toronto
April 7-9, Queering the D/s Dynamic, Talking Dirty, Cock Confidence at Come As You Are, Toronto
April 10-11, Sex Week at University of Tennessee Knoxville
April 18-21, International Ms Leather Contest, San Francisco

May 15-17, Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women, Body Electric workshop, New York, NY
May 23-26, Saints & Sinners Conference, New Orleans

Woah crazy right? I’ve never been to Florida so I’m especially excited about that one, I’m going to be judging the IMsL contest so I can’t wait for that adventure, and I’ve never been to the Feminist Porn Awards! So many firsts and exciting things in the works.

I’m still booking more places and filling out my schedule in the next few months. Want me to come visit? Get in touch and give me ideas about where I should pitch!

As usual, you can subscribe to my events/appearances feed through RSS or through iCal. And it’s all online at http://www.mrsexsmith.com/appearances/—that’s the first place that gets updated when I get booked, so you can always see my most up to date schedule there.

Hey Seattle: Strap On Skills, Dirty Talk, Leaving Marks Workshops in January

Just come.

Advanced Strap On Skills
Thursday, January 17, 8-10pm
Wild at Heart, Ballard
$20/Individual, $30/Pair, $40/Triad
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/events/140978136049188/
Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/events/139379

Know how to strap on? Great! Are you looking to increase sensation for yourself and your partner? How can you enhance sensation, both as the giver and the receiver? What size is your cock, and what size should it be? What positions work best for what outcome? How can you get the most out of your harness and toys?

Join us for a “harness-on” workshop where you’ll get to strap it on and try out tips, techniques, and learn new skills for strapping it on. We ask that you bring a harness and toy which you would like to work with. Don’t have one? Stop by ahead of class and we’ll help get you set up in style.

This workshop is open to all regardless of gender, orientation, or relationship status.

Registration through Brown Paper Tickets: http://straponskills.brownpapertickets.com/
Join us for the workshop and get 15% off your purchase that night!

Talking Dirty
Friday, January 18th, 7pm
The Foundation for Sex Positive Culture (FSPC) Annex
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/events/387927971299018/
Cost: $20
Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/events/144922

Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

Leaving Marks: Biting, Punching, Cutting & More
Sunday, January 20th, 7-9pm
Wild at Heart, Ballard
$20/Individual, $30/Pair, $40/Triad
Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/events/139380

Leaving marks is one of Sinclair Sexsmith’s favorite things. Marking a submissive or bottom can be a strong bonding practice that enhances your power dynamics and deepens your connection. A mark on someone’s body be it temporary or permanentcan lead to a feeling of possession and power, of vulnerability and ownership. Come to this exploratory, interactive demonstration and see some examples of leaving marks on your partner. We’ll explore leaving bruises through biting, punching, and other percussion implements; permanent marks like piercings, tattoos, cuttings, and brands; and temporary options like permanent markers and body hair.

This workshop is open to all regardless of gender, orientation, or relationship status.
Registration through Brown Paper Tickets: http://leavingmarks.brownpapertickets.com/ Join us for the workshop and get 15% off your purchase that night!

Harvest the wisdom of your body: Body Electric School Fall Offerings

The Body Electric School has had an incredible year, and our programming continues this fall with some rare and beautiful offerings for experiential learning. We’ve also postponed a few workshops. Here’s the news.

Celebrating the Body Erotic II and Outside the Boxes: Toronto

Sorry to report that these two workshops have been postponed. Right now, the aim is to have Celebrating the Body Erotic II for women at Easton Mountain in the winter, in January or February. I will let you know as soon as I have confirmed dates!

Outside the Boxes: Toronto has been postponed too, but we are working on securing a venue and coordinator in Toronto to help us make this workshop happen. The Outside the Boxes workshop rumored to be happening in Seattle this fall unfortunately won’t be happening either.

The good news is, we will be hosting an Outside the Boxes workshop in Philadelphia early in 2013! I will let you know as soon as we have dates.

Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women in Seattle

CBE in Seattle is happening! Join Lizz Randall October 26-28 for an incredible circle experience of depth and exploration. If you haven’t yet experienced a CBE for women, this is an extraordinary journey into your own erotic pleasure, desires, and the wisdom of the body. Contact Julie, [email protected], for more information or to sign up.

Tantra I for All Genders at Easton Mountain

Lizz Randall and Mark Fleming will be leading this remarkable journey covering the principles of Tantra. This is an excellent opportunity for folks to learn basic Tantric principles and practices in a community of conscious embodiment.

November 2-4 Tantra Level I for All Genders at Easton Mountain

These principles and practices are powerful tools for transformation. This type of Tantra teaches deeply about how to have a balanced, juicy inner marriage between our Feminine and Masculine energies. This work brings about the integration of sex, self and Spirit. During the workshop we teach ways to skillfully and playfully bring receptive and penetrative energies into harmonious relationship, within ourselves and in relationship to others. When we do not embrace these energies in ourselves we often project them out on to partners and lose the power and delight provided by these energies. This workshop will provide a fun, safe, facilitated space to explore and experiment with internal and external experiences of the Feminine and Masculine.

This weekend will also offer an opportunity to experience the healing power of pleasure. In Tantra pleasure is the most healing force in the Universe. This is a radical departure from how our society views pleasure, and can allow for amazing openings and insights. There will be many exercises to explore the pulsation between the delicious density of embodiment and more subtle energies. One reason to practice tantra is to be able to hold a larger energetic charge in the body so that erotically and otherwise we can continue to expand into ecstasy, while staying grounded in the body.

This workshop is open to those who are curious to learn more about themselves and others. Participants should be prepared to work with partners of any sex/gender.

It will happen November 2-4 at Easton Mountain near Albany, NY—you can contact me for more details about that.

Celebrating Sacred Eros: Men & Women Together at Easton Mountain

Sacred Eros is coming up quickly! If you are curious about doing this work in a mixed gender group, this is an excellent deep exploration of men’s and women’s temple.

with Emaya Dillon and William McMeniman

Women and men have so much to learn from and teach to each other. This retreat creates a temporary community that explores and celebrates the potential healing power of all human beings. We use conscious breath, nurturing and taoist erotic massage to help us remember the connection between sexual energy and spirit. In the supportive community of curious adults we explore feminine and masculine energies within the circle and within each one of us. We celebrate our bodies as the home of spirit and through our heart’s connection we will access collective wisdom that nourishes the soul and enlivens our bodies.

All genders and sexual orientation, the bold and the shy, all are welcome!

Prerequisite: None.
Tuition (includes room and board): $1295 double room with bath; $1245 quad room with bath; $1195 garden cabin (share bath in lodge).

SPECIAL OFFERS
$100 off if PAID IN FULL 2 WEEKS in advance
$100 YOUTH DISCOUNT for those under 30 (use code YOUTH100)
OFFERS CANNOT BE COMBINED

Full tuition is due two weeks before start of workshop.

17-Oct to 21-Oct, Contact the coordinator Nirmal at 347-855-7709

I return over and over to the work of Body Electric and the work of my own body and the teachings of these wise instructors to help me see in the dark. I am eager to harvest my own work from this past year, eager to take in and nourish as I send energies to my roots.

Sending many blessings and juicy explorations during this time of harvest and samhain and the oncoming winter. I hope to see you in circles soon.

Erotic Embodiment, Feminist Kink Workshops, Books to Read, and More New Things This Fall

Hello!

The summer has flown by and I have barely updated this place. I have been traveling tons since March, if you’ve been keeping up with me on Facebook or Twitter you probably know that I’ve been in Atlanta, Chicago, Seattle, San Diego, Boston, Portland, Albuquerque, Baltimore (twice), and Los Angeles in the last few months.

I have been having a wonderful time promoting Say Please—if you came out to a reading or event, thank you! I met so many people and taught workshops on Cock Confidence and Writing Dirty and all sorts of other fun things.

I kept thinking that I have August and September off from traveling, but in truth I’ve got a bit more to go. I’ll be near Baltimore for Summer Camp and then back in Seattle for my very last Tantra training, then I’ll be back on the road visiting colleges. Want to bring me to speak at your school? I’d love to go! I’ll be posting more details about that soon.

I’m starting to gear up for the fall in a serious way. I’m getting some new workshops together (including So You Want to Be A Daddy, Feminist Kink: You Can Have It All, D/s Protocol, The Sexual Politics of Topping, Butch & Femme for the 21st Century, and others!), and I’m getting together my tour list for the fall. I’m aiming to be in Boston, San Francisco, Hartford CT, Springfield MA, Albany NY, Austin, Chicago, Durham, Dallas, and more.

The other new exciting thing for this fall is that I’m starting to see people individually for sessions. I know “sessions” is incredibly broad, and that’s also accurate—content for these sessions can be widely varied. In general, I’m starting to work with people who want more of a one-on-one approach to learning some of the things that I have been teaching about, things like embodiment, sexuality, sensuality, pleasure, shame, writing about sex, self-actualization, touch, energy, and the many facets of queer tantric lineage I have been learning through. I’m not sure how to talk about this or advertise it yet, really,

Exciting Embodiment Workshops You Should Know About

Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women in Seattle, October 26-28

      In a safe, serious and playful space that respects boundaries, embrace pleasure and experience your body as powerful, expressive and sacred. The class expands awareness and sensation through a process of breath, movement and touch. Each woman’s choices and rhythms are honored and celebrated. This workshop is for women of all sexual orientations and ages who are ready to learn about their own power to illuminate and enjoy sexuality and sensuality within a community of women.

    More information about tuition, details about dates, how to contact the coordinator.
    Facebook event!

    Power, Surrender, and Intimacy for Queers in San Francisco, September 28-30

        This workshop explores techniques of BDSM practice, using the circle of women and men as a grounded, respectful container in which to discover and clarify edges of empowerment, liberation and embodiment.

      Learn to recognize aspects of yourself that are continually engaged in power dynamics, and hence become more choiceful about how you can share power with compassion and skill. Learn ways that power and sensation can be wielded for a healing intention, and experience the intense fire generated by a surrender to trust. Expect heightened awareness of your body’s capacity for sensation, a greater sense of personal empowerment, and appreciation for the connection between the divine energy of power and the human energy of surrender.

      The program begins on Friday evening 6:30PM-10PM and runs 9AM-6PM Saturday and Sunday.

      Prerequisite: Celebrating the Body Erotic or equivalent experience. Contact coordinator to see if this workshop is right for you.

      Tuition: $495
      Event on Fetlife

      Dirty Things For You To Read

      Girls Who Score has my first butch/butch published erotica story included in it, about an encounter in a locker room. Check out my entry from the book’s blog tour for more about my process writing it. Anything For You: Erotica for Kinky Couples features a story about a threesome with Kristen and a (now good) friend of ours. Stripped Down: Lesbian Sex Stories reprinted the very first erotica story that I ever published, which was about packing to yoga class and staying after for some, ah, “adjustments.”

        
      I’ve read a couple great books lately that you should check out.

        

      Elsewhere:

      I’m still writing elsewhere online, primarily for Fearless Press and Lambda Literary Foundation these days. Here’s a couple recent articles.

       

       

      I’ve got a long list of writing ideas, and I really want to actually write soon instead of spending all my time on marketing and promotion. I miss writing. I have so much to tell y’all about my poly experiment data collecting, sex, my dad and family, my ecology of desire, and all sorts of things.

      text your ex back freehow to text ex girlfriend back How To Get Ex Boyfriend Back how do i win my boyfriend backmake your ex girlfriend want you back

      You’re Invited to (Kinky) Summer Camp 2012

      So you’ve heard about Summer Camp, or at least, about how I met the boy there. And you heard about what happened at Fusion this year, which will give you a little more context (and a photo!) for the beautiful camp where the Dark Odyssey summer events are held.

      Have you thought about attending?

      In a purely selfish move (because I am completely invested in having very, very sexy hot queer, butch, femme, genderqueer, trans, and gender-aware folks in attendance) I want to extend you an invitation to come this year.

      (And yes, that is the kind of come I mean, pervert.)

      They’re starting to call it “Dark Odyssey’s intimate family reunion,” and aside from that, it’s the most queer of the four events that DO runs. Or at least, it seems the most queer to me—it’s the smallest, so the ratio of number of queers to general perverts is bigger.

      I have been kinky for a long time, since before I was really out and queer even, but my experiences with the leather and kink communities when I was young led me to believe that that world wasn’t really for me. Seems a lot has changed in the last ten (gulp—fifteen) years, though, and I’m really glad I took the chance and went to Summer Camp last year. It’s introduced me to the leather world in a way that I didn’t even know I was missing, but of course that’s part of me and what I do. Being immersed in it for a whole weekend has changed how I interact with kink and leather worlds, and I’ve attended a lot more events, meetings, workshops, and conferences in the past year than I have before.

      But, want to know a secret? Summer Camp is still my favorite.

      Not only because of that cute boy and that we met there (and will be celebrating one year together there this year), but also because it’s queer, casual, so gender-accepting, full of sexy people, full of amazing workshops (that I swear I will attend more of this time), full of tons of equipment to play on … and OUTSIDE! I love listening to the trees and watching folks wander around outside topless (or completely nude), love the fire pits in the evening.

      Details from Dark Odyssey:

        Beat the heat and the rate increase and bring your summer to a climax with Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp 2012! Our Early Registration rates are still available if you register this weekend!

        Summer Camp is Dark Odyssey’s intimate family reunion. A place where, surrounded by other experienced players, you can go deeper and more intense than anywhere else. All happening in an immersive play-centered atmosphere that blends our darkest desires with the fun and whimsy you’d expect from someplace called “Summer Camp.”

        We’ve got a fabulous line up of events, presenters and workshops that you won’t want to miss:

        Events Include: The Full Monte Carlo Kinky Casino & Auction ~ Cruising in the Dark ~ Whose Kink Is It Anyway – a lifestyle improv show ~ The Asylum of Love & Lust ~ Kinky Crafting Fair ~ Explore & Taste ~ Jim Deuder’s Bootblack Hour ~ Switch It Up! ~ Erotic Massage Party ~ Sex-O-Rama Night ~ Bare Stories ~ Breakup Bonfire ~ Guided Anal Self Exploration

        Presenters: Capt. Gordon ~ Del ~ Finn ~ Fire Tashlin ~ Jefferson ~ Jim Deuder ~ Lee Harrington ~ Lolita Wolf ~ Murphy Blue ~ Slutress ~ Sinclair Sexsmith ~ Sir C ~ Strap-On-Jo ~ Vesper ~ Wintersong

        Selected Workshops: Water Wrasslin’ ~ Needleplay as S/M ~ Sewing It Shut ~ Art of the Not-So-Deep Throat ~ Chewtoy – Erotic Biting ~ Going Deep ~ Shapeshifter: A Journey in Astral Gender and Desire ~ Sensory Deprivation & Control ~ Hojojutsu and Take Down for the BDSM Practitioner ~ Fucking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships ~ Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Sex Ed ~ Plays Well With Others ~ Rough Housing & Kinky Wrestling ~ Improv in the Dungeon: From Roleplay to Dirty Talk ~ Event Survival ~ Hands-On Caning ~ GenderQueer Bondage ~ Hot Stuff: Fire Play ~ Predicament Scenes ~ Cock Confidence: Strap-On 101 ~ First Impressions: How Not to be a Douchebag ~ David vs Goliath: Rough Body Play for Tops and Bottoms of Different Sizes ~ Talk Dirtier ~ Speed Bondage ~ And Plenty More …

      Did you spy my workshops up there in that list? I’ll be teaching:

      Fucking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships

      New relationship energy can propel a couple into a phenomenal experiential phase of sexual energy—bursts of passion, exploration, and intensity. Long term relationships, however, face the day-to-day life navigation of bills, scheduling, job and career difficulties or changes, disappointments, changes, and grief. How do we build a long term relationship that keeps the passion alive? How do we ensure we have enough time for our partner(s), and for ourselves? How do we both separate from our partner to have our own rich inner life and come back together to build a loving bond? And what kind of kinky play can be used to keep the fire going? We’ll explore all of these concepts and more at this interactive workshop.

      Cock Confidence: Strap-On 101

      Many of us have experience with strapping on, packing, and playing, but there are lots of new products out there on the market that might be exciting and that you haven’t encountered yet. Writer and sex educator Sinclair Sexsmith talk about what cocks are good for packing, what options are out there for pack-and-play, which harnesses are the most loved, and which to avoid. Plus, we’ll delve into some cock confidence, getting into the psychology of penetration, and discussing what it’s like to shoot from the hip. Come get the nuts and bolts of strapping it on and fucking. You’ll learn about positions and lube, how different products work, what “cock confidence” means, and the psychology behind strapping on and playing with a cock with a partner, or with oneself.

      Talk Dirtier: How to Let Your Tongue Go

      Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

      Flirting, Foreplay, & Fucking

      We all want to get laid. But making it happen in real life can be a lot harder than we want it to be. Do you wish more people would hit on you? How do you make yourself more available? We can all use some practice asking for what we want, but how do you escalate from flirting to foreplay and foreplay to fucking? Learn to perfect the art of the tease, draw out your potential lover’s interest, and make sex even hotter in the process.

        

      What do you think? Want to come? Early registration rates end on Monday. darkodyssey.com/summercamp

      Chicago! Fucking Forever, Dirty Queer Sex Reading, and Cock Confidence This Week

      I kind of suck at blogging lately. I have been doing all these offline things—events, trainings, readings, workshops, traveling. Tons of marketing and promotion, very little writing. But I want to—and plan to—get back to more of that, soon. Maybe this week, even.

      I leave for Chicago tomorrow and I’ll be doing three events Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night before returning to New York on Thursday. Hope y’all will come out and see me while I’m there! I’m trying to get the word out about this book every possible way I can, and that has included doing all sorts of workshops and performances in every place where the book has contributors—I’ve been in Atlanta and Portland already this month, and now Chicago! I am still kinda in love with this book, so I hope it’s helping to get it into your hands.

      I’m not sure if you know, but it’s kind of a misnomer that people make money from writing books. I mean sure, the bigwigs make money, when they’re at major presses and have print runs in seven digits, but Cleis Press, while very widely distributed and respected, is still pretty small. I actually owe them money right now because I bought some copies of the book (which I have to pay for—at a discount, but still, out of my pocket) to use as promotion in the Amazon reviews and blog tour. I have been paying that off slowly while still trying to buy plane tickets to places like Chicago and Portland and Atlanta—which also come out of my pocket, Cleis doesn’t pay for those things. Most of these trips I have broken even, but none of them have I made any significant money.

      So it really does make a big difference if you come out to these events. Your presence helps. I love a packed room, at workshops or at a Dirty Queer Sex Tour performance. Buying copies of the book helps—from me directly, at a reading, or online, it all helps. It’s where all my energy has been going to, so much so that I haven’t been keeping up with my writings here.

      Hope to see you in Chicago!

      MONDAY: Sparking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships

      New relationship energy can propel a couple into a phenomenal experiential phase of sexual energy—bursts of passion, exploration, and intensity. Long term relationships, however, face the day-to-day life navigation of bills, scheduling, job and career difficulties or changes, disappointments, changes, and grief. How do we build a long term relationship that keeps the passion alive? How do we ensure we have enough time for our partner(s), and for ourselves? How do we both separate from our partner to have our own rich inner life and come back together to build a loving bond? And what kind of kinky play can be used to keep the fire going? We’ll explore all of these concepts and more at this interactive workshop.

      RSVP on the Fetlife event or Facebook event
      $20 per person ($15 low income/students). All adults welcome.
      This workshop is being held at Early to Bed, at 5232 N Sheridan Road
      7:30pm
      Preregister and save your spot by visiting http://bit.ly/spark4ever or calling us at 773-271-1219

      TUESDAY: Steamy: How to Write About Sex + Dirty Queer Sex Tour: Chicago

      8-9pm: How to Write About Sex

      To write about sex well, you need both the boldness to describe the dirty and delicious acts we humans explore, and the basic technical skills of plot, setting, and character. In this pen-to-paper writing workshop, we’ll look at some examples of successful and unsuccessful erotica, discuss how to write steamy love letters for your sweetheart, and discover how to take your blogging to the next level. We’ll also explore where to submit your erotica for publication, and some quick basics for editing your work.

      9-10pm: Dirty Queer Sex Tour: Chicago

      For the release of SAY PLEASE: LESBIAN BDSM EROTICA, come join us in Chicago for dirty queer readings from contributors to the book and special guests!

      ABOUT THE READERS

      Christina is a Queer, Capital-S Submissive LeatherFemme with masochistic tendencies. She holds a Master’s Degree in English and Comparative Literature, and her writings often focus upon the complexity of the feminist Leatherwoman’s journey. Her free time is spent serving as the new International Ms Leather (IMsL) historian and archivist.

      Vie La Guerre is a femme wordsmith who lives in Chicago with her kittens, Foxy Brown and Zora.

      Lyzanne Trevino promotes sex-positive community health education and exploration of kinks and fetishes in her project SexPositiveBlog.com. She is also an LGBT youth advice columnist at AskGayWrites. She works with the Hot Queer Porn Fest committee in Chicago to ensure a place for trans* and queer porn, and although this queer femme is a newcomer to the world of writing queer erotica, she is a long-time reader and enthusiast.

      RSVP on Fetlife or on Facebook for How to Write About Sex and the Dirty Queer Sex Tour
      Preregister at The Pleasure Chest
      at The Pleasure Chest
      3436 North Lincoln Avenue

      WEDNESDAY: Cock Confidence

      Come learn the nuts and bolts of strapping it on and fucking. Writer and sex educator Sinclair Sexsmith will reveal the best cocks for packing, which options exist for pack-and-play and the ins and out of selecting a harness. You’ll learn about positions, how different products work, what “cock confidence” means, and the psychology behind strapping on and playing with a cock with a partner, or with oneself.

      RSVP on Fetlife or Facebook
      8-10pm
      at The Pleasure Chest
      3436 North Lincoln Avenue

      Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic in New York City May 18-20

      Though it seems like all I’m doing right now is touring and releasing a book, I’m actually doing a lot of other things, including coordination for the Body Electric School, an erotic energy retreat organization with which I’ve been working for about twelve years. So much of what I know about sex, consent, embodiment, being in my body, being in touch with my gender, asking for what I want, sadism, masochism, my shadow side, breathing, and millions of other things comes from my experiences with these teachers and within the container of exploration that is these workshops.

      I cannot recommend them highly enough, and I’m so thrilled that the organization is starting to open up and move beyond the ‘men’ and ‘women’ workshops into some genderqueer and trans focused territory. The new director of the school, Tom, even recognized the team of teachers and staff I’ve been involved with in creating and supporting this new Boxes workshop at the staff retreat in December.

      We’re breaking some serious new ground here, and if you have any interest in being more in touch with your body, exploring your own desires, getting what you want, and doing it in a queer environment, this is an amazing opportunity.

      I am so in love with this work, and I’m thrilled to be bringing it deeper into my community.

      Want to come? It’s time to register. I’m glad to chat with you more (gchat, email, on the phone, skype) and tell you more about my experiences with these workshops, what it’s like, what to expect, and answer any questions you might have.

      OUTSIDE THE BOXES: CELEBRATING THE QUEER BODY EROTIC
      May 18-20, 2012, in New York City

      Your gender. Your body. Your energy. Your beautiful self. How often has the world tried to force you into the gender binary, asked you to assure it that your pronouns matched what it saw rather than what you felt, required that your genitals conform to expectations, demanded that you deny the complexity of all that is you?

      What if you could come into a community in which all expressions were possible? Where gender, sexuality and expression were aligned according to your truth? Where no one assumed what parts would go where? Welcome to Out of the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic!

      Come explore your erotic potential through the mind, the body and the heart using conscious breath, movement, process work and massage. Awaken the erotic energy that lies within all of us. Through a queer tantra lens, explore archetypal masculine and feminine energies and the myriad ways they can be expressed. Break down silos of gender and sexuality.

      This workshop focuses on the entire body and is conducted in a container that is playful, safe and reverential. Using carefully designed experiential embodiment practices participants will:

      • explore the innate wisdom of your body
      • expand awareness, sensation and pleasure through conscious breath, movement, touch, and communication, where each person’s choices and rhythms are honored
      • learn how to more deeply tune in to your body, mind, heart and spirit
      • to receive more fully from yourself and others, and to give without losing yourself
      • learn to give and receive full-body massage and to focus on the healing potential of sensual/spiritual energy
      • learn from your own and others’ unfolding, and feel awed witnessing and supporting our uniqueness and commonalities

      Out of the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic is a 2 1/2 day workshop (Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday), often clothing-optional, for those who are ready to vigorously explore new levels of feeling and aliveness, both within themselves and within a community of queers.

      NOTE: Couples are welcome to attend Out of the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic and have the option of working together or with the other participants.

      Tuition: $150-495

      Full tuition is due two weeks before start of workshop.

      What’s Happening In February

      Everything.

      Everything is happening in February. I hope you are excited to come out and see me, because I am going to be everywhere doing all the readings and workshops!

      Events with Mr. Sexsmith

      Friday to Sunday, February 3-5Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women through the Body Electric School. Did you know that “cunt” means “holy well”?New York City. Contact me at [email protected] for more information.

      Wednesday, February 8, show at 7pmThe Inspired Word performance series is excited to present a new event that will become a regular part of our calendar, Queer Apple: NYC GLBT Life in Poetry & Prose, featuring some of this city’s best GLBT writers/performers – Sinclair Sexsmith, Christa Orth, Ocean Vuong, Samantha Barrow, Kestryl Cael Lowery, Kelli Dunham, Brandon Lacy Campos, and Jessica Halem . In addition, there will be a 12-slot open mic (4 minutes each slot) to bring your own GLBT experience to the party. Must be GLBT themed. A night of transcendence of words through narrative, poetry, and humor. Hosted by Aimee Herman . Doors open for sign-up @ 6:30pm Show starts @ 7pm Cover Charge: $10 Read more here!116 (formerly The Gaslight Cafe) 116 MacDougal Street (between Bleecker Street and Minetta Lane) Downstairs Lounge Manhattan, NY 10012 (212) 254-9996 (917) 703-1512 By subway, take the A, B, C, D, E, F to West 4th Street-Washington Square

      Thursday, February 9, 7:30pmFind a Valentine at the Best Erotica Reading! Celebrate sex love a few days early with readers from the books Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Best Gay Erotica 2012. Readers include: D.L. King, Ali Oh, Julia Noel Goldman, Deborah Castellano, Anne Grip, James Earl Hardy and Greg Norris! More to come (so to speak). Hosted by Kathleen Warnock & Sinclair Sexsmith. RSVP on FacebookBluestockings Bookstore, 172 Allen Street, New York, NY 10002, Lower East Side

      Monday, February 13, 7:30pmworkshop at Columbia University! I think it’s Fucking With GenderColumbia University, upstate Manhattan, NY

      Thursday, February 16, 7pmOwning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Better Sex Sugarbutch & Butcher are at it again! Join us for this introductory workshop about embodiment. Kinky, poly, leather, sex-positive, and other outlaw folks often find it easy to explore sex, but it might still be hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community.

      This workshop will be with clothing on, touch optional. $20 at the door. RSVP on Facebook. Event details.

      Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

      The Center for Sex Positive Culture Annex
      Seattle, WA

      February 23, 7pmAmerican University workshop … I think it’s Fucking With Gender againWashington, DC

      February 28 & March 1Workshop & Panel at Smith College!Northampton, MA

      Events in New York City (& Beyond) You Shouldn’t Miss

      Saturday, February 11th, 7-11pmBOXERS OFF! An Evening of Butch Burlesque–February Love Edition. Boxers Off! An Evening of Butch Burlesque invites you to join us as we explore representations of butch identity in a bold, new, sexy way. Lea Robinson emcees this evening of HOT burlesque from some of New York City’s finest performers! Who wouldn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day weekend with L Boogie and a few hot butches? Performers include the sexiness of Goldie Peacock, Drae Campbell/Miss Lez 2010, Elizabeth Whitney as Tricia Clayton Biltmore, Victoria Libertore as Liza, Ariel Speedwagon, Luscious Von Dykester, and Daddy T.Y.E.! Anna Charlotte will be here all the way from New Orleans to burn your britches! Stage Kittens for the evening will be Best Bites and Tom Cruiser. Join us for raffle fun, signature drinks, red light/green light, love advice, and of course your host L Boogie! A portion of the night’s proceeds will go to FIERCE, an organization building the leadership and power of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) youth of color in New York City!Stonewall Inn, New York City. Admission $10

      Friday, February 17, 8pmLesbian Sex Mafia: The Fine Art of Dirty Talk with Amy Jo Goddard Feeling shy about talking dirty? Have a lover who wishes you would, but you sometimes clam up or struggle with obstacles to saying those sweet nasty things? Wish you could open the door to dirty words without shame? This workshop will be a fun exploration of dirty talk, why we like it, what we want from it and how to incorporate it with partners and make our scenes hotter. There is no one size fits all, so you’ll explore and practice what feels good for you, how to find common ground with your partners, and walk away with a bigger dirty vocabulary. Attendees can decide how much to participate but it will be guaranteed fun! C’mon’ say it like you mean it!LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

      Saturday, February 25th, 10pmSubmit Party, submitparty.com, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks only. $15 before midnight, $20 afterBrooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

      Thursday, March 1, 8pmRed Umbrella Diaries, www.redumbrelladiaries.comHappy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

      Saturday, March 3, 7pmQueer Memoir: Leather. New York’s only queer storytelling event is back with a special guest curator, Sassafras Lowrey, editor of the Kicked Out anthology and nationally known storyteller. This Leather themed storytelling evening is a benefit for Boston’s Write Here Write Now founded by Toni Amato. Announcing the amazing line-up of storytellers: Sinclair Sexsmith, Emily Millay-Haddad, Kelli Dunham, Ignacio Rivera, Sara Vibes, on Facebook.Queers For Economic Justice, 147 W. 24th St., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10011

      I’m booking gigs for the spring (February through May), and I’m aiming for Boston, Chicago, Atlanta, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Durham, DC, and more. Want to bring me to your college or university or local bookstore or sex toy shop? I’d love to visit! Things that are important to know!

      Any events I missed? Add ’em in the comments.

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      (New posts via email once a day)

      LSM = Awesome BDSM Education for Women & Trans Folks in NYC

      I’m on the board of the Lesbian Sex Mafia these days as programming co-chair. It’s been really fun to bring in presenters from the queer sex (internet) world, and since it’s more of a leather/old guard kind of group, many of the younger kinky queer educators haven’t taught there before. It’s pretty amazing that it’s been going on since the 1980s and that it’s still running today, and the meetings are a combination of socializing, cruising (let’s be honest), skill building, and community, which I really like. I’ve met some great folks there from attending sporadically over the years, and I’ve learned a ton. They are also incredibly inclusive, and workshops are open to women and trans folks who identify with the lesbian community.

      LSM is also seeking new presenters for the 2012 season. More information here or at the bottom of this post.

      If I’m in town when the monthly 3rd Friday workshop happens, I always attend. It’s a great thing to do for folks who are coming in from out of town and want to check out the scene in this big city, too. The next one is tomorrow!

      January 20th: Negotiation for the Hopelessly Shy and Terribly Awkward with Mollena Williams

      Negotiation of scenes can be tough on people who are adept at bargaining, expressing their needs, wants, and desires. so how is this gauntlet to be run by those of us perverts who are super shy or kind of awkward when it comes to saying “I need…” or “I won’t…” or giving the dreaded “No”?? Join Mollena Williams, Closeted Shy Freak ™  as she shares some techniques that can help even the most awkward kinkster battle their own personal hurdles and insure that your needs are met, your expectations expressed more clearly, and that your scenes are satisfying for all parties! Bring your questions (jot ‘em down if you are to shy to ask!) and we’ll brainstorm ways to help you on your own journey to openness, clear communication and awesomeness!

      Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave)
      When: Friday, January 20, 2012; 8:00-10:00PM
      Cost: LSM Members: $5/Non Members: $10

      About Mollena Williams

      This “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator and Executive Pervert.  She is extremely honored, humbled and proud to have served as International Ms Leather 2010. She is also thrilled to have been named Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 after that contest’s decade long slumber. She’s won Woman of the Year AND Northern California Regional Awards!

      With over 12 years of experience in the BDSM and Alternative community she frequently travels nationally, teaching Leather Lifestyle Classes. Her work has been published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter, The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. She was interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, and the award winning documentary Vice & Consent. She also get all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage.“ Her essay entitled “BDSM and Race Play” was published in Best Sex Writing 2010.

      Her background includes a lifetime of training and involvement in the performing arts, which include spoken word, classical theater, dance, performance art, and all manner of stagecraft.

      A founding member of Crowded Fire Theater Company, Mo blogs on http://mollena.com and is the  author of the “Toybag Gude: Taboo Play.” Her essays appear in 2 anthologies curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel:  ”BDSM and Race Play” appears in “Best Sex Writing 2010,” and “Kiss my Boots” is featured in  ”The Lust Chronicles.”  Her challenging essay on “race play” is featured in“Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink” edited by Lee Harrington. Not one but two essays  commissioned by Tristan Taormino will be appearing in the upcoming book, “The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex.”  Mollena is pleased and delighted to be a featured educator with The Kink Academy, where you can see clips of her speaking on various and sundry topics!

      February 17: The Fine Art of Dirty Talk with Amy Jo Goddard

      Feeling shy about talking dirty? Have a lover who wishes you would, but you sometimes clam up or struggle with obstacles to saying those sweet nasty things? Wish you could open the door to dirty words without shame? This workshop will be a fun exploration of dirty talk, why we like it, what we want from it and how to incorporate it with partners and make our scenes hotter. There is no one size fits all, so you’ll explore and practice what feels good for you, how to find common ground with your partners, and walk away with a bigger dirty vocabulary. Attendees can decide how much to participate but it will be guaranteed fun! C’mon’ say it like you mean it!

      Where: The LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), NYC
      When: Friday, January 17, 2012; 8:00-10:00PM
      Cost: LSM Members: $5/Non Members: $10

      About Amy Jo Goddard

      Amy Jo Goddard dedicates her life’s endeavors to helping people explore and improve their sexual lives. She has written and produced her plays about the vulva and dominatrixes, she has hosted web programs on women’s sexuality, she has taught first graders to college students about sexuality, and has been featured in Betty Dodson videos. A professional trainer of sexuality professionals, medical students, college students and youth for fifteen years, she has taught courses relating to sexuality at the City University of New York and the University of California at Santa Barbara and has presented internationally at conferences and kink community events like Dark Odyssey. She launched her intensive program for women in 2010, the Women’s Sexually Empowered Life program. She is co-author of Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men and her article about queer performance artists and activism was published in 2007 in the Social Justice Journal. She is director/producer of the forthcoming documentary, At Your Cervix. Amy Jo maintains a private sex & relationship coaching practice and travels to colleges and universities speaking about sexuality. She was chosen by GO! Magazine as one of “100 Women We Love” in 2010. She can be found online at www.amyjogoddard.com.

      Call for Presenters

      Please circulate widely!
      Do you have a kinky skill you’d like to share, a BDSM concept you’d like to teach, or a great idea for a leather panel you’d like to organize and speak on? The Lesbian Sex Mafia in New York City, the oldest continuously running women’s BDSM support and education groups in the country, is actively seeking women & trans folks who are identified with the lesbian community to present for our 2012 workshop calendar. Past topics have included piercing and stapling, M/s and D/s relationships, fisting, sensation play, takedowns, single tails, and more.

      We meet monthly on the 3rd Friday at the LGBT Community Center in NYC and would gladly include out of town presenters who will be in town on that date.

      If you’d like to present for LSM, simply download the Presenter Guidelines which includes information about the program evening schedule and our modest compensation, and fill out the online Presentation Proposal form.

      About the Lesbian Sex Mafia

      LSM is a support and information group for all women 18 years of age or older, including transexual and intersexed women who live their daily lives as women and all female born transgender people who feel they have a connection with and respect for the women’s community, and who are interested in fantasy and role playing, bondage, discipline, S/M, fetishes, costumes, alternate gender identities and uninhibited sexual expression in a safe, sane, consensual and confidential way. We are not a social service agency; however, we are interested in providing information, encouragement and general support. Our principles are few but basic: confidentiality, consensuality, safety and the right of women to explore their sexuality as they choose. lesbiansexmafia.org for more information.

      Talk Dirtier, Own Your Birthday Suit, & More Workshops With Me

      I’ve been working my ass off getting gigs and performances this fall—posting my potential schedule for the next six months or so has helped. I’m still booking things in the spring and right now hope to get to Mills College in Oakland, American University in DC, International Ms. Leather in San Francisco, Smith College in Northampton, Atlanta, Chicago, Durham, New Orleans, and a few other places. It’s going to be a big year.

      But, more immediately, here’s what’s coming up in the Northeast in the next few weeks.

      Talk Dirtier: How To Let Your Tongue Go Tonight!
      Monday, November 21, 2011, 9pm
      Conversio Virium, Columbia’s BDSM Student Group, in 316 Hamilton, New York, NY
      Free, open to the public

      Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

      Radical & Responsible Gender Workshop
      Tuesday, November 29, 2011, 6:30pm
      Bryn Mawr College, Bryn Mawr, PA

      Academics breaks down and deconstructs gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively”? How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? In this interactive, engaging workshop, we will cover some basics about what gender is, what gender roles and stereotypes are, and how they work, then cover basic gender theory, breaking things down into small parts, in order to build them back up again “responsibly,” by which I mean thoughtfully and intentionally, with feminist principles and anti-sexist perspectives strongly in place. Participants will go away from the workshop with a better sense of how to use labels as liberation instead of limiting, as celebrations rather than restrictions, and be able to more fully embody whichever gender roles they choose.

      Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Queers, Genderqueers, & Other Outlaws
      Monday, December 5, 2011, 8-10pm
      $20 suggested donation, sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds
      LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (between 7th & 8th Ave), New York, NY.
      RSVP on Facebook

      If you’ve been curious about all this erotic energy stuff that I do with the Body Electric School, or the tantra concepts I sometimes talk about, this workshop is a great one to attend to start getting some introductions to the concepts and foundational principles we use in that erotic energy work. It’s also about getting more connected with your breath, body, senses, and connection with yourself and others. I’m thrilled to do it with one of my favorite people, Amy Butcher.

      Queer, genderqueer, trans, and outlaw folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

      Speaking of Body Electric: The schedule for 2012 has been announced. We are offering more workshops for women and queers than we ever have in a single year since I started doing Body Electric in 2000. Mark down the dates, and I’ll tell you all sorts of more information soon.

      BODY ELECTRIC IN 2012:

      Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women – 3-5 February, New York City
      Celebrating the Body Erotic for Women – 27-29 April, Seattle
      Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic – 18-20 May, New York City
      Pulse: Advanced Women’s Retreat – 1-5 August, Albuquerque, NM
      Power, Surrender, & Intimacy for All Genders – 14-16 September, San Francisco
      Tantra for All Genders – 2-4 November, Albany, NY
      Celebrating the Body Erotic 2 for Women – 16-18 November, Albany, NY
      Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic – 30 November – 2 December, Toronto, ON

      I know the “for women” part can be a little off-putting—I’ll write more about that soon, too, and the trans/genderqueer policies we’re working on. Bottom line is, though, don’t let that be a deterrent, and I mean that. Glad to chat with you about it in more detail, just email me.

      Sex, Gender, & Relationship Workshops at Your College

      Hey! Students at colleges, universities, and beyond! I’m still working on booking workshops, readings, and gigs this fall and spring.

      I’m available for the Trans Day of Remembrance in November, for example. Want to book me?

      HERE’S WHERE I’LL BE

      I am already planning some visits to certain places! If you can help me book something there while I’m visiting, I would be very grateful. Are you in any of these cities? Do you know who I should talk to? Would you help me get people out to an event? Thanks!

      These are the dates I *am available* to book something in these cities:

      November 7-8, 2011: Seattle, WA
      November 9-10, 2011: San Francisco, CA
      November 28-30, 2011: Atlanta, GA
      February 16 or 21, 2012: Seattle, WA
      February 23-27, 2012: San Francisco, CA
      April 14-19, 2012: San Francisco, CA
      April 10-15, 2012: Durham, NC
      April 10-15, 2012: Boston, MA
      April 15-30 or May 15-30, 2012: Chicago and/or Milwaukee
      May 2-3 or 7-8, 2012: Portland, OR
      May 3 or 7, 2012: Seattle, WA
      July 9-10 or 16-17, 2012: Seattle, WA
      July 17 or 23, 2012: Albuquerque, NM
      Fall 2012 (TBD): Toronto, ON
      September 20 or 24, 2012: Seattle, WA

      The rest of the time, I’m based in New York City and I can travel all over the Northeast seaboard, from Boston, Providence, and Burlington, down to Philadelphia, DC, and Durham. And if you want to bring me somewhere that isn’t on this list, I’m game for that too! I’m just hoping this will help me get in touch with you folks who are already in these cities.

      HERE’S WHAT I DO

      My workshop list is online at mrsexsmith.com/workshops, and I’ve got an online press kit at mrsexsmith.com/about/press-kit with photos, one-pagers, etc. My booking company usually charges a certain amount for a workshop plus travel + lodging, but I can be flexible about that and work with the budget you’ve got. I do have a minimum that I need to cover, but I am willing to negotiate.

      Right now my most popular workshops are Radical & Responsible Gender, which is more academic and made for folks who are used to breaking down gender to start think about how to build it up in ways that are empowering and liberating, and Cock Confidence, which is a strap-on 101 type of workshop that focuses more on the psychology of strapping on and insecurity than on the how-to, though there is also a part for strap-on technology, meaning the toys that are available and what to buy. That one I rarely do at colleges, though I bet it’d be a blast.

      I have also been working on doing a two-event set, being an afternoon workshop on exploring sex, gender, and relationships through writing as a way to develop self-reflection, introspection, and identity, and then having a showcase in the evening with the folks from the writing workshop reading and me doing a :30-:45 spoken word set.

      If you’ve got any ideas, requests, or contacts, I’d love to chat with you. Please do get in touch with me via email, mrsexsmith (at) gmail dot com, and see what we can do.

      SINCLAIR SEXSMITH: NOW BOOKING 2011-2012

      For booking contact: [email protected]
      Phone: (917) 475-6316
      or:
      PhinLi Bookings, LLC at [email protected]
      Phone: (347) 829-7446

      Press kit and materials available upon request

      Please forward to colleges, universities, students, and organizations.

      Represented by PhinLi Bookings, LLC, in New York City, SINCLAIR SEXSMITH is a writer, performer, student, and teacher of sex, gender, and relationships. Visit Sinclair online at sugarbutch.net, mrsexsmith.com, or on Twitter @mrsexsmith.

      “Sinclair Sexsmith writes with such rare clarity and passion that she is one of the best reminders we have that sex and gender are not abstractions of theory, but essential to our everyday humanity.”
      —Chris Hall, editor of CarnalNation.com

      Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic

      I’m thrilled to invite you—yes, you—to this new workshop that the Body Electric School is developing. We will be doing it first in San Francisco in November as an experiment, and if it goes well, I hope to bring it out east, too, to Toronto or New York or both.

      I’ve been involved in the Body Electric School for more than ten years, and started assisting with them around 2003, participating in erotic energy workshops by helping to hold the structure and move energy. It’s been a tremendous experience for me, and I credit my amazing teachers in this lineage with the basics of much of my own sexual ideologies, my spiritual/sexuality connections, and even with my own self-value and self-worth. These teachings have been invaluable, I can’t recommend them highly enough.

      Even if it’s not something that you end up dedicating your life to studying (like I basically have), I think everyone should attend one of these workshops at least once, for the potential to crack open and discover entirely new pathways of connection within yourself and with others is huge. And this one is particularly near and dear to me, since it’s for the outlaws and queers and non-binary folks that wouldn’t usually feel comfortable with Body Electric’s usual “men over here and women over there” type of delineations. I think it’s going to be ground-breaking, and I really hope we can continue to offer this kind of work to the in-betweeners, because gaga knows, we need it as much as or more than anybody.

      I hope it will be a wild success! I am really looking forward to it and I hope you’ll consider it, if you feel called. You can email me if you want to with questions, and I’ll be glad to address what I can, but if you want to register, the west coast coordinator is who to talk to (her email is down near the bottom of the text).

      Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic

      November 11-13, 2011 – San Francisco

      Your gender. Your body. Your energy. Your beautiful self. How often has the world tried to force you into the gender binary, asked you to assure it that your pronouns matched what it saw rather than what you felt, required that your genitals conform to expectations, demanded that you deny the complexity of all that is you?

      What if you could come into a community in which all expressions were possible? Where gender, sexuality and expression were aligned according to your truth? Where no one assumed what parts would go where? Welcome to Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic!

      Come explore your erotic potential through the mind, the body and the heart using conscious breath, movement, process work and massage. Awaken the erotic energy that lies within all of us. Through a queer tantra lens, explore archetypal masculine and feminine energies and the myriad ways they can be expressed. Break down silos of gender and sexuality.

      This workshop focuses on the entire body and is conducted in a container that is playful, safe and reverential. Using carefully designed experiential embodiment practices participants will:

      • explore the innate wisdom of your body
      • expand awareness, sensation and pleasure through conscious breath, movement, touch, and communication, where each person’s choices and rhythms are honored
      • learn how to more deeply tune in to your body, mind, heart and spirit
      • to receive more fully from yourself and others, and to give without losing yourself
      • learn to give and receive full-body massage and to focus on the healing potential of sensual/spiritual energy
      • learn from your own and others’ unfolding, and feel awed witnessing and supporting our uniqueness and commonalities

      Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic is a 2 1/2 day workshop (Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday), often clothing-optional, for those who are ready to vigorously explore new levels of feeling and aliveness, both within themselves and within a community of queers.

      NOTE: Couples are welcome to attend Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic and have the option of working together or with the other participants.

      Cost: $395-$150, sliding scale. We are committed to finding creative financial solutions so don’t let money be the barrier that keeps your soul’s desire at bay.

      SPECIAL OFFERS for Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic

      $50 off if PAY IN FULL 7 WEEKS in advance = $345

      $30 off if PAY IN FULL 5 WEEKS in advance = $365

      OFFERS CANNOT BE COMBINED

      CONTACT • Amy Butcher • (415) 377-4107 • Send Email • November 11-13

      –REGISTER ONLINE–

      Lizz Randall is a gender-queer Body Electric teacher, Sacred Intimate and long-term student of tantra. Her work as an integrative body worker and educator offers a holistic and open-hearted approach to wellness, passion and aliveness in body. She is fiercely dedicated to creating spaces where all bodies can come together and explore their erotic potency. Lizz has been teaching experiential workshops and working in the fields of sexuality, spirituality and health for over 15 years. She also spends her time as a farmer and parent, resides on Vashon Island and has a private practice in Seattle.

      Cock Confidence, Owning Your Birthday Suit, & More Workshops in the Bay Area Next Week

      I’m just starting to feel like I’ve returned from the Pulse retreat, finally, in body, mind, emotional landscape, and spirit, when now I am leaving again on Tuesday for the Butch Voices conference in Oakland, and for some surrounding events, like a spoken word set in Oakland on Sunday, August 21st. I mentioned that it’s going to be a busy August here at the Sugarbutch Empire!

      I’m also doing some new workshops in September at Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, which I’m really excited about.

      Cock Confidence

      At Camouflage, Santa Cruz, CA, August 16, 8pm
      At Good Vibrations, San Francisco, CA, August 17, 6:30pm
      At Butch Voices Conference, Oakland, CA, Date TBA (August 18-21)
      At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

      Many of us have experience with strapping on, packing, and playing, but there are lots of new products out there on the market that might be exciting and that you haven’t encountered yet. Writer and sex educator Sinclair Sexsmith talk about what cocks are good for packing, what options are out there for pack-and-play, which harnesses are the most loved, and which to avoid. Plus, she’ll delve into some cock confidence, getting into the psychology of penetration, and discussing what it’s like to shoot from the hip. Come get the nuts and bolts of strapping it on and fucking. You’ll learn about positions and lube, how different products work, what “cock confidence” means, and the psychology behind strapping on and playing with a cock with a partner, or with oneself.

      Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Masculine of Center Folks

      Taught with Amy Butcher
      At Butch Voices Conference, Oakland, CA, Date TBA (August 18-21)

      Masculine of center folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community.

      Queering Power Dynamics: D/s, Age Play, and More

      At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

      Top, bottom, switch, and everything in between: many of us like to explore what it’s like to give up or take power in our sex play. Some of us even like to play with psychological domination and submission. Add a gendered or age component, and the power distance index (PDI) increases. So what happens if we severely increase the power distance, through 24/7 role play or domination and submission? What happens when we incorporate identities like “Daddy” from the leather community? What could other age play roles of bigs and littles, Daddies and Mommies, boys and bois and girls and grrrls, have to offer us as we seek deeper and more fulfilling sex explorations? This advanced kink workshop explores power, gender, and age play in a queer context, where we’ll discuss bringing a power exchange relationship of any sort from the bedroom into a 24/7 lifestyle, what the benefits are for both, and how to go about navigating long term fulfillment for all parties within the relationship.

      Steamy: How To Write About Sex

      At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

      To write about sex well you need the boldness to command and describe the dirty and oh so delicious acts we humans explore, and the basic writing skills of plot, setting, and character. In this pen-to-paper writing workshop we’ll look at some examples of extremely successful and unsuccessful erotica, steamy love letters for your sweetheart, how to step up your blog to the next level, where to submit your work for publication in the erotica world, and some quick basics for editing your work. Bring a paper and writing utensil, we will be doing writing exercises.

      Talk Dirtier: How to Let Your Tongue Go

      At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, Date TBA (Sept 14-19)

      Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

      In Addition …

      I’m booking fall travel to colleges, community centers, and nearby sex toy stores now!

      I have travel plans to Seattle in November, and I’m hoping to get to Chicago, Milwaukee, DC, Philadelphia, Boston, Atlanta, and Raleigh/Durham. If you’re in one of those places, I’d love to chat with you about helping to make a workshop happen.

      My full list of offered workshops is online, and you can also download a PDF of extended descriptions or a press kit on mrsexsmith.com.

      Get in touch with me, mrsexsmith (at) gmail.com, if you’d like to book a workshop or want more information about my rates and fees, or about helping me get to your town. You can also contact my booking company, PhinLi, at [email protected]

      I’ll Be At Dark Odyssey Summer Camp in September

      Have I mentioned that I’ll be at Summer Camp this year?

      I’m really excited to go, I’ve heard about it for years and haven’t been able to attend until now. I’ll be doing four workshops, Cock Confidence, D/s Age Play, Gender Theory, and a Porn Writing Intensive, so I’ve been practicing those this summer. Those camp attendees are no spring chickens!

      I’ve finally registered and I’m trying to figure out how this whole cabin choosing thing works … have you been? How do I figure out where to bunk? Are you going this year, do you have a cabin you would like to invite me to be in? It feels a bit daunting.

      Here’s the details about the event, in case you are interested in attending. I think it’s going to be a blast.

      Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp
      Northern Maryland
      September 14-19, 2011

      Imagine a vacation that brings together sexuality, spirituality, education, and play in a fun, diverse environment where fantasy becomes reality.

      Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp 2011, a journey of sexual exploration for the spiritual and creative sex-positive communities returns for its eigth year. It will be held at a secluded, two hundred acre retreat in Northern Maryland. Our mission is to cross-pollinate ideas and concepts between groups of individuals who desire to explore different areas of alternative sexuality.

      The event, from September 14-19, 2011 will feature dynamic workshops taught by top-notch sex educators, relationship experts, SM masters, and spiritual teachers from around the world, including:

      Arli * Annie Earl * Artemis Hunter * Bear * Dylan Ryan * Ignacio Rivera * Lee Harrington * Lolita Wolf * The Marine * MojoDaddy * Mollena Williams * Princess Kali * Sam Martin * Sinclair Sexsmith * Sir C * TTT * Wintersong Tashlin

      In addition to workshops, Dark Odyssey features creative social activities, nightly special events, erotic rituals, lakeside bonfires, the Sex-O-Rama playspace, and a 10,000 square foot fully equipped dungeon open for play around the clock.

      All this happens in a fun camp environment at a retreat with great accommodations: forty cabins with real beds, full bathrooms, hot water showers, electricity and great centrally located swimming pool; plus, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack included.

      Unlike a typical conference event, where you have to pay for registration fees, hotel room costs, plus meals, Dark Odyssey is an all-inclusive event. Weekend rates range from $350 to $425 depending on when you register, and if you are a member of a participating group. Early registration rates are good through August 1st. Remember that Summer Camp SOLD OUT last year in record time, so sign up today!

      Dozens of community organizations have signed on as participating groups in Dark Odyssey, and we add new groups every day. Check the website to see if your group is one of them, and you’ll be entitled to a registration discount. If your group would like to be added to this list, please contact [email protected]

      Visit our website, http://www.darkodyssey.com for more details. We hope you will join us for this exciting event!

      Returning from the Power, Surrender, and Intimacy Retreat

      I’ve returned from retreat, a three-day workshop at Easton Mountain called Power, Surrender, and Intimacy (PSI) through the erotic energy school that I have studied with for more than ten years. I’m producing these workshops these days, as well as assisting, and while our numbers were a little bit low, the workshop was beautifully smooth and overall very successful. There are some shifts happening at the school, so I’m not sure how many more of these I will produce, but I’m really glad to have done this one.

      Easton Mountain retreat center, aka gay sex camp, where the workshop was held

      I’ve done PSI twice before, once as a participant in about 2002 and once as an assistant here in New York in about 2007. The first one I remember vividly—many of the different pieces of it—and I easily can point to that workshop weekend to say that that is when I discovered I was a top. The entire workshop centers around exploring dominance and submission, power and surrender. I found the surrender parts fairly easy but not particularly heated, and I was shocked to discover not only how I liked to be in charge, channeling power, but also that I had an inner sadist ready to be cultivated.

      I couldn’t remember the second workshop very well. In the week up to this one I was trying to think of what I had taken away from it, what it had shifted for me, and as this weekend went on I realized that PSI was a huge tipping point in my study as an assistant, as a leader of this work and as someone who is able to hold, ground, and move erotic energy.

      The difference between what I am capable of doing now and what I could do then is significant—I felt so connected, and so able to move the overwhelming emotion that came up for the entire group at various times. There were certainly moments where I nearly panicked with the expectation (that I set on myself, mostly) that I would be able to hold or move something, but generally when faced with that responsibility I could meet it gladly and capably.

      The most significant moment of this was during two rituals on Sunday, when we started out with a wand of light tantric meditation (which I can’t seem to find any description of online) in order to raise some of our energies so we could go into the next ritual, which was transformative and about shadow, and very intense. The wand of light meditation starts at the root chakra and builds all the way up to the third eye, one chakra at a time, and I could feel it so intensely, especially toward the end, that I was kind of certain my head was going to come off as energy shot skyward and began exploding things.

      I, as an assistant (and having had experienced this ritual before, which the other two assistants had not), was expected to go first in the second ritual. The facilitator described that we shouldn’t calculate what we were going to do, but that we would know it was time to come up when we felt a quickening. Oh, I felt it alright. I knew I had to go up there, and do something with this energy which was pulsing through my spine, but I wasn’t really sure what to do or how to do it.

      Gravity by Nikki McClure. This image came to mind when I was trying to ground
      I tried to describe it to another one of the assistants later. During the meditation part, I felt the energy rush up into me so intensely and come pouring out of the crown of my head that I layed down to get some better grounding, trying to remember that I was held by gravity, but even that didn’t work: instead of going up through my entire body, it started going from my root chakra through my pelvis and up into my cock, which became so incredibly erect and upright and felt like it was going to shoot off of me.

      I sat back up, and tried to ground in other ways.

      It dawned on me that this wand of light, this energetic connection to the earth, was there all the time, not just now—it’s something that I’ve dropped into numerous times at tantra workshops in recent years, and it always surprises me that it’s still there, and in fact it’s easier to access the next time around.

      Realizing and deeply feeling this connection made me think of something another assistant had said on our ride up: that we are not living on the earth, but living in the earth, since the atmosphere is not actually part of space but part of our unique planet. We swim around in it. We would not survive outside of it. We are held upright to the earth by this magical gravity, but we are not separate. In fact, I felt like a puppet, like this wand of light was actually the earth creating me, coming up into me and animating me.

      That is what I would have liked to express when I got up in front of the whole group to open the second ritual. But I couldn’t form words. As a writer and poet I find that extremely frustrating. The facilitator even asked: Are there words to go with this? I was shaking with every breath. Filling up with light and energy and then feeling it pour down my spine again as I breathed out, or pour up through the crown of my head. My hands jerked and felt electric.

      “I feel like a column,” I managed to say. Really this energy felt penetrative. It felt like I was being fucked by spirit. It felt like it—and I—was rising out of the earth. It felt like the earth was using me to fuck the sky. I had no idea how to form words, it was all I could do to sit still and not explode.

      “I don’t know if I can say more.”

      And that was just about it. Three minutes were up, quickly, and I sat back down, unsure if my head was still attached. And then I started to panic. Oh fuck. What if I stay like this? What do I do with all of this energy? What is it going to do to me? It doesn’t seem to be working to just let it flow through me—and by “working” I mean it doesn’t seem to be calming me, but rather ramping me up. How do I calm this quickening? I have to work now, I have to assist and support others in their reveal, how am I going to do that?

      Words from another facilitator came to mind: When you feel you can’t handle something, give it to the earth. She can handle anything. I would have tried anything right then. So I redirected all that energy that was coming up through me and thought of it pouring down into the ground, and immediately my head cleared. Immediately I felt so solid and stable and grounded. Immediately I no longer felt crazy but powerful, and powerfully alive.

      The ritual poured through me, one person after another, and mostly I was so intensely connected and moved by it that tears just streamed down my cheeks for person after person, and I gave it all back to the earth. Help me hold this, thank you, thank you.

      I feel like my reveal was sloppy, and that I was in a little bit of a state of panic when I went up there, but it’s clear that the energy was present and that I was a conduit for it. And the ritual happened, successfully, with the transformative energies we were seeking, so clearly something went right. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d been able to see outside of myself a little better, and it’s clear to me that what I did was the only thing I could have done at that moment. Perhaps it’s the performer in me who would have liked to have a better translation of my experience into my expression. But I can—or will try—to let that tiny sliver of regret go, and to not let it drive me.

      What I learned about grounding was powerful, and I think that will stick with me.

      There were a couple other fascinating things I’d like to report to you about, though they were not workshop content so much as things around the workshop that came up, like the debate over where female ejaculate comes from (the urethra) and where it is stored (the paraurethral sponge, I discovered). And the conversations around female/feminine sources of power and how easily that power can be mistaken or misused as manipulation instead of power, and how that flavor of power is even encouraged to be manipulation in this culture. And the conversations about butch identity with the facilitator and the other assistant—how there is a constant butch scale in our heads which compares and contrasts us to each other, and fears that we are the least butch of the group. There are many more things I could write about.

      But it’s day three of being back, and I have so many things I need to accomplish, my email inboxes are too full, and I’ve been avoiding some regular tasks the last two days as I have been trying to take good care of myself for this re-entry. Perhaps I’ll write more about those things later, I promise I’ll try.

      Meanwhile, I’ll get back to the Ask Me Anything questions, and start working on the next retreat, which is my favorite one (a five-day advanced retreat in New Mexico in late July).

      I’m curious if you all might have questions for me about this retreat … do you want to know more about it? Which parts?

      UW Madison tonight!

      Hey folks! I’m here in beautiful (rainy, snowy) Milwaukee, had a great time at The Tool Shed last night. And did I mention the cheese plate I had for dinner? These folks know how to do cheese.

      Oh hi, Lake Michigan. I almost didn't see you there

      I’ll be at UW Madison tonight in Madison, Wisconsin, and since I didn’t ever post the info, here is it:

      Fucking With Gender writing workshop (bring a pen & paper!)
      with Sex Out Loud
      8pm
      University of Wisconsin Madison
      Humanities building, located on Park Street

      I don’t know which room exactly but I assume there will be signs. I’m looking forward to it! This is one of my favorite workshops to do.

      Big day ahead of me, better get going—see you tonight!

      What’s Happening In April

      I started this over the last week of March, but this week has been so nuts that I couldn’t get it done.

      In sum: April is busy! Lots of events! The most exciting of which is a week-long trip to Minneapolis, Madison, and Milwaukee toward the end of the month, as well as a return visit to Drew University, and the one year anniversary of Sideshow!

      Events with Mr. Sexsmith

      Thursday, April 7th, 8pmThe Gay Ol’ Opry: Queer Country Music Festival! I’ll be in the DapperQ Fashion ShowPublic Assembly, Williamsburg Brooklyn, NY

      Tuesday, April 11th, 8pmSideshow: The Queer Literary Carnival: Siblings with Anne-E. Wood, Katie Liederman, and Kay Ulanday Barrettat The Phoenix, 447 East 13th Street at Avenue A in New York City

      Tuesday, April 19th, 8pmCock Confidence at The Tool Shed2427 N. Murray Ave, Milwaukee, WI

      Wed, April 20th, 7pmWorkshop at UW Madison (TBA)Madison, WI

      Thursday, April 21st, 4pmRadical & Responsible Gender workshopHamline University, Minneapolis MN

      Thursday, April 21st, 8pmSpoken word performance featuring some of my most requested pieces, including “Butch Poem,” “How to Survive Your First Year in New York City,” “Me in a Nutshell,” “For the Record,” and othersHamline University, Minneapolis MN

      Friday, April 22nd, 8pmCock Confidence at Smitten Kitten3010 Lyndale Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN

      Wed, April 27th, 8pmAdvanced Gender & Kink Through Feminism (a new workshop!)Drew University, Madison, NJ

      I’ll update this if any other events get added.

      I’m still booking some spring events! I am mostly planning to be writing in May and June, but I do have some travel days possible if you would like to bring me to your college or organization. And I’m already beginning to book some of my fall travel—I’ll be working at home and writing through May and June, and then doing more travel in July, August, and September, including some travels to Seattle in early July, the Butch Voices national conference in Oakland in August, and Dark Odyssey Summer Camp in September. My schedule is kept up on mrsexsmith.com/appearances if you want to see if I’m coming your way.

      I’d love to post other community events happening this month, but I don’t even know what’s going on aside from my own events, since the month is so busy. I’m sure Queer Memoir and Red Umbrella Diaries are happening, and Ruckus is a new queer reading series and looks amazing too.

      I do have tickets to go see Girlyman at City Winery along with Coyote Grace, I’m thrilled about that. It’ll be a great peaceful date event in the midst of a lot of travel and chaos. I’ve never seen Girlyman live but I adore their live CD and I’ve heard they are an amazing show. And have you seen their music video for Young James Dean, directed by Margaret Cho? The song is described as “a meditation on butch identity” and the video is full of queers, some you’ll probably even recognize like Amos Mac, Rocco Kayiatos, Ian Harvie, Madison Young, and Tomcat. I really love Doris’s voice though, here’s one of her songs:

      Doris was recently diagnosed with leukemia, the same month that Cheryl was actually, and she’s been writing about it in a separate blog from the Girlyman site. Sending love her way, and I’m thrilled to be able to see them all in concert.

      Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)phinli.com.

      Erotic Energy Workshops for Women in May

      If you read between the lines around here, you probably know I’m involved with an erotic energy school. I’ve been studying there for about ten years now. I’ve been assisting for about five, and started coordinating workshops last year.

      There are two advanced retreats that I am coordinating coming up in May near Albany, NY and in July near Albuquerque, NM, and if you are experienced with erotic energy work you are invited to come join me there.

      I kept writing “workshop” here, because that’s what we call them, but really they are retreats, either 3- or 5-days long.

      A good friend of mine (and fellow butch!) is also coordinating the level one class in Oakland in May. Perhaps you’re a beginner, and interested in what all this subtle energy, erotic energy, tantra stuff is about? This one is perfect for you. It explores subtle and not so subtle energy in the body, as well as mapping desires, reclaiming pleasure, and healing old wounds. I’ve taken it probably ten times and it is always full of learning, fascinating, challenging, and beautiful.

      I call it “level one” or sometimes even “beginner level,” but it is totally applicable to folks who have experience with this too. Kind of like how in yoga, an advanced student can come into a beginner class and still get tons and tons out of it. There is a lot of room for everyone’s experience, level of comfort, and personal life history in each of these courses and I highly encourage taking them. They have significantly changed my life in the last ten years and I have taken many, many of the foundations of my sexual self away from the teachings of these workshops, with these particular teachers.

      I’m not posting all the details here, but I would be glad to send them to you if you want to know more. Email me at mrsexsmith (at) gmail.com and I will send you more information. I’m glad to answer questions you have, too.

      What Workshops Would You Like To See Me Teach?

      My spring schedule is coming together, I’ve been talking to maybe a dozen different places and continuing to keep up my contacts as I plan to visit various cities this spring. I’m hoping that even if some of them don’t work out right away, perhaps they’ll work out in the future and I can come visit in the fall or next year.

      I’ve got a pretty long workshop list right now, and while my most popular workshops continue to be Fucking With Gender, Radical & Responsible Gender, and Cock Confidence: Strap-On 101, I’m interested in continuing to develop other workshops that will be appealing. Someone just mentioned she’d like to go to a Daddy/girl workshop about the continuum of the dynamic from the bedroom to living that lifestyle 24/7. That’d be fascinating (I’d attend that workshop certainly). And another friend of mine just asked if I do anything for teens, which prompted me to start thinking about a How To Survive High School workshop for Queers, Freaks, and Gender Outlaws. Working on that one, too.

      Point is, sometimes other people see workshops that I don’t necessarily see. So while I’m updating my workshop list for 2011 and thinking about other things I could start thinking about and developing, do you have any ideas for me of what workshops I could add to my repertoire? What would you love to see me teach? What do you wish I would come to your town and lead at your local college, community center, or sex toy shop?

      I don’t have my spring schedule finalized yet, but I’m keeping it updated at mrsexsmith.com/appearances and in the What’s Happening in February post at the top of Sugarbutch.net (until March 1st, anyway, where I’ll replace it with a What’s Happening in March post instead).

      If you’d like to bring me to your town for a workshop, I would love to go! Or perhaps I’m already coming to your town, and can do an add-on workshop with your group? You can email me directly, mrsexsmith(at)gmail.com, or you can contact my booking company PhinLi.

      But, in the meantime, I would love to hear any ideas you have about what you’d like to see me teach. And thank you, it is helpful!

      The Butch Voices NYC Conference Starts Today!

      The Butch Voices NYC Regional Conference is almost here!

      The conference itself is tomorrow, Saturday the 25th, with registration opening up at 9am and workshops beginning at 10am. I’m doing a Cock Confidence workshop at 1:30pm tomorrow, and I have two Aslan Leather harnesses, three Vixen Creations cocks, and another Tantus cock to give away. I’ll also be showing off the brand new hot-off-the-presses VIP Super Soft pack-and-play cock that is barely even released.

      I’m also modering a panel called “In the Public Eye: Visibility in Media” with some fabulous folks: Denise Madison from GirlzParty, Grace Moon from Velvet Park Media, Gina Mamone from Riot Grrrl Ink, and Dasha Snyder of The D Word fame who writes at Digital Goddess.

      But aside from my own involvement in the panel, there are many more things going on! Tonight is a social event to meet & greet conference attendees at Speed Friending/Dating at Dixon Place, tomorrow is a special Queer Memoir/Sideshow Reading Series Mash-Up at Bluestockings Bookstore, and there’s a special Butch Voices Submit play party in Brooklyn late tomorrow night.

      I don’t know if I’ll make it out to play, but I’m really looking forward to meeting people, hanging out, and talking about butch things all weekend. Kristen is baking her “face off,” as she is prone to saying, making her famous rosemary sea salt chocolate chip cookies, savory corn and cheddar muffins, and a special treat for someone’s birthday tomorrow.

      If you miss these events, there’s another Butch Brunch on Saturday, October 16th which will be a nice follow up to the conference for those who miss the company of other butches.

      To tie up this nice countdown, I’m featuring a recent novel from 2004 called Crybaby Butch by Judith Frank, published by Firebrand Books. It won the Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Debut Fiction in 2005. My (lesbian) book group read it about a year and a half ago, and we all liked it quite a bit—which is hard, usually novels especially are hotly contested. I remember there being some disapproval of how the femme partners were depicted (as controlling, fairly stereotypical “women”, perhaps with not enough depth) but we liked the butches.

      Here’s the premise, from the publisher’s website:

      Drawing on her experience as an adult literacy tutor, Judith Frank’s first novel traces the difficult and sometimes hilarious connection between two butches of different generations – a middle-class, thirty-something adult literacy teacher and her older, working-class student. With a disparate group of adult learners as the backdrop, Frank examines, with warmth and wit, the relationship between education and gender, class, and racial identity. Judith Frank is a winner of the Astraea Foundation’s Emerging Lesbian Writer’s Fund prize in fiction. A professor of English at Amherst College, she lives and writes in western Massachusetts.

      There are not very many books out there with “butch” in the title, and even fewer of them published in the last ten years. It’s a good read that is complex and interesting, engaging and emotionally enthralling. A few folks mentioned Crybaby Butch in the comments when I featured Stone Butch Blues two weeks ago, all of them with praise for the book.

      Buy it directly from Firebrand Books, from your local independent bookstore, or, if you must, from Amazon.

      So now that I’ve gone through some of the major butch books, tell me, which ones did I leave out? Are there others I should have featured?

      Oh Hello, City of Roses

      It’s a perfect temperature here in Portland, which means, yay, that button-down and tie I brought for my workshops tonight and tomorrow are going to work out just fine.

      If you’re in the area, come by one of the workshops!

      Gender & Rol

      e Play
      Wednesday, July 21st, 2010, 7:30pm
      at She Bop, 909 N. Beech St, Portland, OR
      SheBoptheShop.com

      Strap-On 101
      Thursday, July 22nd, 2010, 7pm
      at Fascinations, 9515 SE 82nd Ave, Portland, OR
      Free! And, pick up $10 gift card for all those who come! Now that just-right cock or harness will be even cheaper.

      And of course tomorrow I’ll be visiting Powell’s. And seeking out amazing vegetarian restaurants or cafes … got any recommendations?

      Hey Seattle: See You Soon! Sex 2.0 Next Weekend

      I’m heading back to Seattle next weekend, May 22-23, for the Sex 2.0 Conference!

      I’ll be presenting a workshop on Yes, No, and Consent, based on the article I wrote a while back and some subsequent conversations and feedback. Here’s the description:

      Yes, No, and Consent:
      It tends to be a basic assumption in kinky and sex-positive communities that sexy explorations must be done consensually, that both parties must express a YES (verbally or non-verbally), especially when getting into the dirty stuff. And many of us know that in order to say YES, we have to be able to say NO, to have full agency and full options available to us. But what about when you want something, your partner says they are into it, but you feel guilty? How do we take the YES more seriously? How can you use social media & the internet as explorations of communication, increasing the desire and friction in your sex life?

      There are many other amazing presenters at the conference, including Essin’ Em and Maymay, who I’m really looking forward to seeing and hanging out with. Check out the full session list!

      I don’t know which day or time I’ll be presenting, but I’ll let you know when I do know. If you’re in Seattle, please do consider coming! It’s a relatively inexpensive conference, and I always hear amazing things about it. I wanted to go when it was in DC last year, but couldn’t make it.

      I went to college in Seattle (at the University of Washington, majoring in Gender Studies and Creative Writing, graduated in 2004), and lived there for almost seven years. I can’t wait to go walk around Greenlake, eat at Rom Mai Thai on Broadway, get a beer at the Elysian, and have a happy hour $4 double whiskey at the Rosebud. I only wish Pete’s Pizza hadn’t closed, I’ve never had calzones that good anywhere else. I haven’t been back in a while, I’m really looking forward to it.

      Fucking With Gender 2.0 at Brown on Wednesday 4/21

      New workshop!

      This is just a quick little announcement, because I COMPLETELY forgot to post that I was going to be at Drew University in New Jersey when I was there earlier this month (hi Drew! I had so much fun with you all, Ryan and Kestin and Arielle and Paula and that talented Classics major who made amazing green tea cupcakes with coconut icing whose name I didn’t catch, thanks for inviting me!).

      I’ll be at Brown University next week, April 21st, at 6pm. Kristen is coming with me and we hope to stop by and see the lovely Megan Andelloux and her Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health while we’re visiting.

      Brown University
      Providence, RI
      April 21st, 6pm
      on the Brown campus (exact location TBA)

      And here’s the (new!) workshop description that I’ll be leading:

      Fucking With Gender 2.0: Gendering Power

      Fucking With Gender is an interactive workshop which begins with Sinclair Sexsmith’s basic gender tenets and follows up with a discussion of how to have the kind of sex you want to have. Gendering Power takes these gender tenets and puts them into action: playing with gender in the bedroom through role play and power play, with a discussion of how gender identity can grow and change through intentional intimate sex play. Bring a pen & paper, or something to write with and on, as there will be writing prompts.

      I’m checking to see if this workshop will be open to the public, or if it is restricted to Brown students only. Will get back to you on that (check the comments).

      Looking forward to being back up there—Kristen and I were in Providence for the Kink For All Providence Unconference in March, and the area was quite lovely. I’d never been up there before.

      Any recommendations for anything specific we should do on our day trip?

      Lesbian Sex Mafia Workshop! Gendering Power 2/19

      Come join me at the Lesbian Sex Mafia‘s February workshop!

      LSM Presents: Gendering Power: How to Spice Up Your Role Play
      with Sinclair Sexsmith

      Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th Street (bet 7th and 8th Ave.)
      When: Friday, February 19, 2010 at 8:00-10:00PM
      Cost: $5/LSM members, $10/Non members

      An interactive workshop on how the addition of gender to power dynamics in sexual role play scenarios can increase desire, vulnerability, and intimacy, as well as explore deep inner personal gender identities.

      Want to write some smut with me?

      This just in! Stop the presses! Last minute announcement of how to stalk me this week …

      As if I haven’t had enough events this week and last: I was in Northwest Illinois visiting the fine folks at the Students For Sex Against Sexism in Society club at Knox College doing my Fucking with Gender workshop this past weekend, last night I was at Columbia’s Conversio Virium talking to a whole bunch of kinksters about Gendering Power: How to Spice Up Your Role Play, and on Friday I’ll be at Swarthmore College outside of Philadelphia for the Trans Day of Remembrance.

      And now, I’ll be at The Eulenspiegel Society‘s Queer SIG (special interest group) in New York City this Thursday.

      Here’s the details:

      Thursday, November 19, TES Queer SIG Presents: PIY: Porn It Yourself
      Nayland Blake on photography, Blaise on filmed pornography, Sinclair Sexsmith on written smut

      Mainstream porn often just doesn’t cut it when you’re kinky and queer, and that’s why there’s been a long history of people making their own. Join the queer SIG for three half-hour workshops on the pleasures and pitfalls of different kinds of porn production and publishing: filmic, written and photographic and pick up tips on how to represent the sex that’s hot for you.

      Members $4; Non-Members $8 Joria Studios, 260 W 36th, 3rd Floor Doors open at 7:30 pm. Meeting starts at 8 pm.

      It’ll be three different half-hour segments, one on film, one on photography, and one on written smut, with lots of tips about doing it yourself. I’m excited to see both the photography and the film segments, since I do have that nice little Flip video camera that is just begging to be used, and since Kristen is getting a bit more comfortable in front of a camera … in fact, I just ordered a pinup book to play with, and we were just looking at the Pinup Finishing School‘s pin up and hair workshops.

      Want to book me for an event? Check out my profile at Phin Li Bookings, or contact me directly:

      F*cking with Gender: a workshop in Chicago

      I’ll be in Chicago next week on Tuesday night for a workshop with Northwestern University. If you’d like to join this lively discussion, the Rainbow Alliance is kindly opening this up to the public. Come say hi!

      F*cking with Gender: Gender expression, identities, labels, transcending the mutually exclusive binaries, queer culture, and hot sweaty sex.

      Join Sinclair Sexsmith in this interactive workshop about gender, sexuality, and sex. We’ll play with concepts of how gender identity and sexual identity intersect, butch/femme roles as a language of desire, how labels can be restrictive or liberating, whether gender is a fetish or a kink, and how to have more dirty queer sex. Mr. Sexsmith writes the 2008 #1 sexblog Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top, at www.sugarbutch.net.

      May 19th, Tuesday, 7:30PM

      Space is limited, please RSVP through Jessie, Princess of Vibe for the Rainbow Alliance at Northwestern University in Chicago (jessicapkaiser[AT]gmail.com)

      sinclair1