falling in love is still cheating

I wrote a post about Callie, and how we met, how we started dating, over at The Lesbian Lifestyle for their March discussion topic about cheating (see how I got it in under the wire? Seriously, it was practically 11pm on March 31st before I finished writing it. Ah, deadlines): falling in love is still cheating.

The beginnings of the relationship with her was quite a good story, it’s one I almost enjoy telling, except for, of course, the unfortunate way things turned out. Regardless though, it was interesting to revisit that part of our relationship and remember how excited I was to find her.

If you’re new to Sugarbutch, this short essay might be a good introduction to the 139 “A girl: Callie” tags and the six month relationship that required that I write every day in order to try to figure out what the heck was going on in that girl’s head. (Though this TLL post is definitely the short-n-sweet introductory version – the post ends with the time when we start dating, so none of the actual relationship is in there. Whew, not sure how to even start writing up a short-n-sweet version of that.)

At this point, nearly a year after we split, I just feel kinda sorry for the girls who walk around with this kind of filter on the world. Unfortunately, I can’t quite forgive her or wish her well, I’m still too bitter and feel so damn wronged, but I can firmly recognize it as a burdon she bares. I’ve seen and heard from many other women who have said “wow, I’m so like Callie” through the writings on Sugarbutch and my discussions with friends, and that makes my heart hurt a little. It’s such a long, difficult process to heal ourselves sometimes, and the particular coping mechanisms Callie has picked up along the way seem to really hurt her more than help.

(Not that I don’t have some of those myself – surely, I do. We all do. Hers just seem … more pronounced, perhaps, and more malicious.)

Here’s hoping we can all become aware of, and perhaps eventually get over, our own shit.

Donate to RAINN & let ‘em know I sent you – add  “GBBMC2008: Mr. Sinclair Sexsmith” in the information box. (Why?)

occasional excitement

Some shout-outs & announcements:

  • I’ve had a few comments & emails recently about my ads, particularly that they include some NSFW photos, and some expression that this is a bummer, as they’d like to read my site at work. Well … here’s the thing. The design of this blog is made to be read in an RSS reader. The posts in the reader won’t have breasts or photos that are NSFW (though the written content is another story). I’ve said it before, but honestly, RSS feeds & readers are the biggest thing to happen to blogs since Blogger, I swear, and if you aren’t using one you’re really missing out. Some people have said to me, “But I like visiting people’s actual sites!” Yeah, I get that, and there is something valuable to design and format – I’m a graphic designer! I definitely understand. But even still, RSS readers are invaluable, and this site is definitely aimed to be read through one.
  • Following up on femininity & heterosexism, Figleaf has a new post about attraction, invitation, and the insufficiency of consent. Also, thanks to Jess over at the F-word Blog for the mention.
  • FetLife is a social networking site for the fetish community … and it’s fun. Come be my friend.
  • My first post is up over at The Lesbian Lifestyle blog, titled Consent is Sexy:

Sexy is in the physical communication between us. The way I compensate when she pulls back, which is the reason she pulls back in the first place: she likes to see me strain. Likes to pull desire from me like a soul-sucking kiss. Likes to entice and invite until I reach that breaking point and just have to take her down. Have to hold her still, keep her from moving, break those charms from her mouth and remind her that I am a little stronger, a little bigger, remind her that there are consequences to her toying.

  • Last fall’s Sugarbutch Star contest hit a standstill for a few months there, and there was only ONE more story to finish. Well, today’s your lucky day – the very last piece (Shannon, a photography shoot) is almost complete, and will go up this weekend. In the meantime, review the other fabulous entries and decide which ones are your favorites, cause I’ll be asking you, the readers, to vote on them all, and determine whose story will be the winner. Any good suggestions for prizes? I have my own ideas, but I’m open to others.
  • I’m, yet again, compiling a list of the queer women sexblogs out there. Got any good ones to suggest that I don’t have listed in the community?