Posts Tagged ‘submissive playground’
I’ve been spending most of my time lately working on Submissive Playground. It’s kind of shocking to me how much time it’s taking to set up—I didn’t have a very realistic sense of the time involved on the back end. The past two days, I’ve spent close to 10 hours writing the main course landing page, and today, rife has already spent at least three hours designing it.
And that’s not even the curriculum! That’s just the copy describing the curriculum.
The course is getting close (pre-course materials launch in ten days!) and so I’m spending a lot of time thinking about submission, writing about assumptions, getting clear on what I want to know from the Players, and strategizing learning styles and games and tasks and fun things for people to do in the course.
I talked to an old friend from New York City, Axe, about the Playground and also my breakup, and D/s and M/s, and what it’s like to have left New York, on his Masocast recently. You can download it or stream it here:
The Masocast is community-run, so go donate to keep it going strong. I think Axe is an excellent interviewer, and a deep thinker about lots of kink things. This is my fourth time being a guest on his podcast, all the old ones are still available to download & stream too.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my motivations for putting something like this together, too. It was basically rife’s idea, and we brainstormed about it and bantered about it for a few hours before massaging it into the concept as it currently stands.
I think a big part of wanting to explore submission with people deeper is from the ways that the D/s in my relationship with Kristen went badly. The last two years, both as she and I were struggling to improve things and in the year since we split up, I have helped many people sort through their own struggles with D/s, and I know my perspective on these topics have really helped them come to a better place. In some ways, I don’t have a lot of range, having had only two major D/s partnerships, but I have a significant amount of depth in my studies of D/s.
And, when I floated around an idea of a Dominant course, the interest of learning to dominate from a dominant wasn’t as great as practicing how to submit with a dominant. I’ve been moving away from the me-as-know-it-all-teacher style of teaching anyway, so this experiential workshop is a good start to that.
Amazingly, the Star Player packages are sold out!, and I’m considering adding a few more slots to let the folks on the wait list in. (Want in? Email me, [email protected]) I allotted time in my calendar for three Fancy Players, who would meet with me every week, but those aren’t currently full …
Which brings me to …
There are still slots available for people who want to be “Fancy Players,” aka The Super Star Package. This package has some special things in it! The major thing, and the reason why it’s more expensive, is because it has FOUR one-on-one sessions with me included in the package, one during each week of the course.
Here’s what you get:
- Four 1-on-1 sessions with Sinclair (via Skype or phone)* — $500 value!
- Customized Submissive Playground dog tags*
- A letter to your current or future dominant, outlining your strengths and suggestions for further training*
- A paper certificate of participation, mailed to you
- Submissive meditation worksheets
- Weekly tasks/assignments
- Erotica to read!
- Porn to watch!
- Tasks for and feedback on your personal submissive journal
- Weekly all-player sessions to discuss your experiences with the current topic of study
* Exclusive to the Fancy Package
Go ahead & sign up!
If you’ve already signed up, you can upgrade! (Or, perhaps your partner or Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama or Sugar Butch (haay! See what I did there?) or Sugar Femme or WHOMEVER would want to upgrade you as part of your dark-time-of-the-year holiday gift? Have them contact me!)
Alright … I’m off to pack (no, the other kind, you pervert), and fuck my boy and probably go to the grocery store to bake cookies so we can be all ready to catch a plane tomorrow morning. We’ll be spending the next two weeks with family, and off on a retreat by ourselves.
All you Submissive Playground Players: I’ll be in touch!
Everybody else … thank you, for all of your wonderful support and comments and shares and clicks and for reading this year.
So, the quiz! “What kind of s-type are you?” quiz, that rife + I co-created, was launched November 30th as a fun game, and an interesting tool, and the beginnings of a conversation about how many different ways that submissive folks explore their own submission.
And what the heck do we mean by “submission,” anyway? Do I mean “the person receiving the sensation or sexual touch in a BDSM scene”? Or do I mean “the person who takes the orders in a relationship”? Well … both, or either. And that is precisely the point: To begin asking what it is we mean when we say these things, to think deeper about them, and, ultimately, to make better informed choices about the parts in these power games that we want to play.
Here’s the quiz, in case you missed it:
THANK YOU for all of your thoughts and feedback. It’s been so fun to read and engage with you about this. There are more than 50 comments on the thread where I posted the quiz the first time, and each one I read and thought about … I replied to some, but I get overwhelmed by that level of correspondence sometimes, so I didn’t reply to everyone. I did have quite a few people who identified as kitties or puppies tell me that they weren’t represented, and it’s true that I didn’t include very many “vanilla” or non-s-type options. There was a bit of an agenda with the quiz, which was to determine which of the six s-types we separated out best matched the answers you’d give when you took the quiz. We added the “Not an s-type” option, just to make it a bit more inclusive.
And of course, it’s impossible to actually determine how it is that YOU identify just based on ten questions with seven options each! There is much more nuance to each person than that.
But, overwhelmingly, the response has been that the quiz is fairly accurate! And I love that! I hope it begins some conversations about what the different types of s-types are, and where you fit and what that means to you.
If I did a quiz again, I’d look for a different quiz host that gave the answers in percents, rather than just showed you ONE answer. (70% submissive, 30% servicey, for example.) But for this time, we didn’t do that.
The quiz has been taken more than 2,000 times (wow!). Here’s the statistics about what results were given:
I find it pretty fascinating. I never would have guessed that Slave would be so common of a result, or that Bottom and Service were the most uncommon.
For the sakes of THIS quiz, the “Slave” answer was determined by a lot of questions that were about ownership and possession, “Bottom” was determined by receiving sensation and play (kind of from a service top), and “Service” was … well, about service. I think many, many s-types incorporate service into other s-type identities, and the service part isn’t necessarily the strongest reaction for them—but that’s just a theory.
Here’s the descriptions of ALL of the s-types that we broke the quiz down into.
Hey wait, you’re not an s-type!
You’re not submissive, a slave, a bottom, service-oriented, a slut, or a naughty minx—you much prefer to be in charge or in an egalitarian relationship. Or perhaps you’re a mix of all kinds of things, a switch, or something else, but for whatever reason, right now you are testing as not an s-type at all. But hey, you took this quiz, so probably you have a little bit of curiosity around receiving, bottoming, submitting, and service. Why don’t you sign up for the Submissive Playground in January and let your inner submissive come out to play?
Slut by day, slut by night.
You’re a slut. You like sex—and when I say you like sex, I mean you REALLY like sex. Giving, receiving, topping, bottoming, serving, whatever—you are happy as long as you’re getting your rocks off. Service, humiliation, pain—you may be into those things, but those aren’t the main course for you. The sexual play, attention, and pleasure is what matters most for you. If you want to develop more of your service skills, kink knowledge, and expand your palette of sexual adventures, come sign up for the Submissive Playground in January and take your sluttery to new places.
Naughty, naughty, naughty
You love to entice. Teasing, testing limits, pushing boundaries, cajoling, begging, breaking rules—you love to see exactly how far you can go, and you love to be punished. But it’s not really punishment—“funishment” is the name of the game to get you to take a lot of physical sensation play. Sometimes, people call you a “brat,” but that’s because your naughty tendencies are misunderstood as disrespectful, when in fact they are part of how you like to keep things interesting. You love to push your top’s buttons, and they love you all the more for it. Naughty minxes like you are a challenge for Dominants and Tops sometimes—come sign up for the Submissive Playground course in January 2014, hone your naughty skills, and find the d-types that are the best match for you.
You are clearly a bottom. Though submissive s-types like psychological play, and slave s-types seek to be owned and controlled in addition to psychologically submit to another’s will, bottoms like you are driven by the love to receive sensation. You might love pain, you might love service, you might love sex—but primarily you like to receive. Bold, stingy, thuddy, feathery, light, soft, big, biting—you might have preferences, but it’s clear that you like it all more than most. Are you ready to expand deeper into the realms of psychological submission, and play deeper with giving up power? Sign up for the Submissive Playground in January 2014 and you’ll have lots of opportunities to expand your palette.
Alfred from Batman. Mr. Carson from Downton Abbey. Lurch from the Addam’s Family. Riff-Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. These (and other) butlers are like to be your service icons. You are a service-oriented submissive, through and through. You like show your love and affection by keeping up with the chores, making sure your Dominant’s favorite hot morning beverages are always perfectly made, and anticipating their next desire—sometimes even before they do. You have likely been working on this skill of giving service with all kinds of people in your life for many years, not just in your intimate, romantic, or sexual relationships. The Submissive Playground course in January 2014 has an entire unit on practicing service, and while you’re clearly already a pro at it, the Playground will give you a place to hone your skills, and to branch out into other realms of submission, and make sure your extraordinary service skills are being placed in the right hands.
It’s not just a BDSM cliche—some of us, like you, are actual consensual slaves. You want to give over access to your entire self: body, time, will, and more. Though you may love to receive sensation, give good service, and submit psychologically, you also get off the very most by being owned, controlled, and possessed. Your deepest pleasure derives from someone else taking their deepest pleasure from encounters with you, and everything else is just icing on the cake. You love to be asked to do things that are not for your pleasure, just so you can have a chance to exercise your own devotion to your path as a slave. Come join the Submissive Playground course in January 2014—you can play with many aspects of a slave’s path and fine-tune your submissive toolkit while you’re practicing all of your skills.
You clock in as a classic submissive. You like giving over to your Dominant’s will, not just submitting to a Top’s sensation. You have a few boundaries and limits to what you will or won’t do, but you are eager to do what it takes to please and pleasure the one to whom you submit. You may love pain, or love to give service, or adore sex, but your desire for giving over is what drives you the strongest. For a deeper dive into all of your submissive tendencies, join the Submissive Playground course in January 2014 for four weeks of creative, sexy explorations.
Whatcha think? Do you still think the quiz results you got were the most accurate description of you? Do you agree with my write-ups of what each one means?
It’s been a fascinating experiment! Thanks for playing!
I’ve been hinting and then shouting about this for a while, on Facebook and Twitter, and building some pre-course games like the “Which s-type are you?” quiz, and if you are on my mailing list you already got the pre-registration link. But now it’s officially here: announcing my new project, Submissive Playground!
It was rife’s idea, really. I’ve been wanting to run some ecourses for a while (I’ve spent a lot of 2013 taking ecourses and looking them up to see what kind of things are offered and how they are structured), and I’ve been stepping up my coaching practice, seeing people for “gender puzzles and sexual experiments” (and other things) over Skype and in person, and Submissive Playground grew out of the intersection of these things. I wrote the course, with a lot of help from rife, and wrote the copy for the website, and he built the beautiful design. (I think it looks amazing!)
I realized as I was putting up that What’s in our sex den? post earlier today that you might not know what the video of me was referring to! So I figured it’s about time to announce it here officially. Plus, registration is officially open!
So: the course. It’s a four week exploration, all online and via weekly sessions on the phone with everyone and one-on-one sessions on Skype with me. The using the BDSM acronym to break down the weeks: Week 1, Bondage, where we’ll discuss kinky sex and explore our own limits and desires; Week 2, Discipline, where we’ll focus on obedience, protocol, and punishment; Week 3, Service, where we’ll delve deep into what it’s like to be of service, what the realms of service are, and how to get better at service; and Week 4, Masochism, where we’ll also discuss submissive myths and motivation as we close the course.
I’ve got half a dozen guest speakers who are making videos EXCLUSIVELY for this course, including:
- Tina Horn, a macho slut ladyfaggot, a switch, and an expert at spanking. She produces and hosts the (brand new!) sexy podcast “Why Are People Into That?!” and co-created QueerPorn.Tv.
- Felice Shays, an expert on rough sex and has been teaching about the many shades of Brutal Affection for more than a decade. She plays hard, loves big, and teaches dynamically.
- kd diamond, International Ms Bootblack 2011 and creator of Salacious magazine. When she isn’t switching in bed or nerding out about cephalopods, she draws dirty queer comics.
- Liza & her slave, Jody, International Master and slave 2011, and have been in a committed M/s relationship for more than a decade. They teach about empowerment in power dynamics.
- Andrea Zanin, sex geek, and the Master and head of household to a leather family in Toronto. She is one of the best known queer theorists of power dynamics and polyamorous relationships.
- rife, who is an owned and collared genderqueer leatherboy from Texas. He is an artist, the illustrator of the GENDER book, and a really good kisser.
- Raven Kaldera, author, shaman, educator, activist, priest, and many other things. He has published multiple books on structured relationships through Alfred Press.
There are three different packages, the Broke Ass Package, Star Package, and Fancy Package. As you can imagine, the Fancy Package has more perks and the Broke Ass Package has less. The Fancy Package is the only one that includes custom made dog tags with your name on them, a certificate of completion, and a letter to your future dominant about your skills and talents of submission.
We’ve decided to add a perk to those of you who refer the course to your friends: We’ll make you custom Submissive Playground dog tags. Refer someone who signs up (and pays!), and at the end of the course, we’ll send you your very own set of tags, regardless of whether you did the course or not. Just have the person who you tell about it email me and tell me that you were referred by a friend.
Got any other questions about the course? Leave ‘em in the comments and I’ll be sure to answer them, or email me if it’s more personal.
I have so many amazing readings and videos and tasks and homeworks and things for you to try out. So excited to do this. I can’t WAIT to play with all of you.
All this and more over at submissiveplayground.com!
“I wonder if anyone will notice that our videos have the same background?”
“Well, I mean, we do live together.”
“Right, it’s not like it’s scandalous. You’d just have to be really paying attention to the details.”
“I love that we keep all the books in the bedroom. It’s such a sex den.”
“Haha yes! The reading nook, the alter, the huge bookshelf, the meditation setup, the sacred objects storage shelves, and then the sex toy shelves and the bed. Sex plus den.”
Welcome to the Submissive Playground! from Sinclair Sexsmith
In preparation for a big project that Rife & I are creating, we looked around to find a really good online quiz that talked about the different kinds of submissive identity and what they meant, but the only ones we found were … well, not so great. So we decided to make our own!
Oh, and for those of you who don’t know, the phrase “s-type” refers to the submissive, bottom, slave, or other type of person who gives up or gives over authority to another in D/s and other power dynamic structures. It’s the umbrella term, to attempt to talk about that side of the power dynamic scale as a whole and lump y’all together. I know you’re actually quite different in what you do and what you like, but for the sake of this quiz, you are all together for now.
And ta-da, here it is!
It is—disclaimer disclaimer—just for fun, and of course however YOU self-identify is precisely what your identity is. This is just for fun, and perhaps for the beginnings of more conversations or some explorations of what different kinds of s-type energies and pursuits you might have.
(One of the answers is “not an s-type,” so those of you who aren’t s-types, you are invited to take this too, if you want.)
And of course, for the record, it’s hard to pick just ONE answer. Multiple answers in here probably fit for you, or you might say, “Well, I wouldn’t do that unless it was protocol/unless my Dominant asked me to,” but for the sake of the quiz, let’s just suspend disbelief and pick the one you’d most like to do, assuming there is protocol or permission.
Etc etc identity is complicated, and no quiz can actually capture all the nuances that are the unique YOU. So it’s just for fun.
If you feel so inspired, I would love to hear what you thought about it in the comments! Did you get the answer you thought you would? Does it match how you think of yourself? Is the description (somewhat) accurate to the category?
This is kind of the “soft launch,” if you will, so I’d love to hear what you think.
The Secret New Project is so fucking close to ready, I am ITCHING to tell you all about it. I have a few more things to finish up (but I think I can finish those up today!), and then I’ll be sending out some preliminary invitations to the new exciting ecourse that I’ll be doing in January.
If you want to be among the first told about this new ecourse, join the mailing list. I’m going to send out the details there before I announce it here. (You can unsubscribe at any time, I don’t sell your contact info duh, and I usually send out less than one email a month with some updates about what’s going on in the Sugarbutch world.)