e[lust] #30 Contains “The Boy At Summer Camp” in the Top 3

It’s been a while since I’ve participated regularly in these roundups, mostly because I’m not writing a lot of smut or stories to turn you on lately. I still read the top posts frequently and find excellent new sexblogs to read that way.

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #31? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

This Week’s Top Three Posts

Crotch Topiary & Other Delights – I admit I started simple, I realised my teenage dream of having a Winona-inspired heart emblazoned on my mound. It was perfect. I used Contact paper to design my heart and just went to town pulling out every hair that was not covered.

In Defense of Exclusion – Sometimes it’s nice to be with people who are like you. It’s nice to be around people who get your kink, your fetish – to be somewhere that you don’t have to explain it to.

The Boy At Summer Camp – It started with an email with the subject line “butch at your service,” and an offer for a blow job. And I thought, hm. Well, you know, I do like those. But I’m not usually attracted to boys.

e[lust] Editress

Ask Lilly: “My sex toy stinks – what should I do?” – Would you put it in your mouth with that smell? Would you gag from the smell and taste? If yes, then why the hell put it in your vagina or ass??

Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick)

A Day At The Circus

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Butch Lab Symposium #2, Feb/March 2011

WHAT IS THE BUTCH LAB SYMPOSIUM?

The Symposium is a cross between a blog carnival and a round-up, where participants write about a monthly topic and submit links to Butch Lab which are then recounted. Participants are requested to a) link to the

Butch Lab Symposium in their post, b) reprint the roundup on their own blogs within five days, and c) commenting on the other participants’ entries would be an added bonus (let’s support each other eh?).

You do not need to be butch to participate, anyone is welcome to discuss their opinion.

The topic for the second Butch Lab Symposium is Butch Stereotypes, Cliches, and Misconceptions.

Here’s the writing prompt:

What do people think “butch” means? What are the stereotypes around being butch? What do people assume is true about you [or about your masculine of center friends], but actually isn’t? What image or concept do you constantly have to correct or fight against? How do you feel about these misconceptions? How do you deal with them? Do you respond to these stereotypes or cliches? How?

To participate, write about this topic in some form on your own website and email the link to butchlabproject (at) gmail.com before March 1, 2011. The full roundup will be released mid-March.

Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2010

Another year is coming to a close, and aside from reflecting on my life personally, I’m reflecting on the accomplishments. I did a Year In Review On Sugarbutch for 2009 and I like it, it feels like a nice wrap-up of some of the accomplishments of that year, so I’m going to try to do this again.

To get started, here are the most popular posts on Sugarbutch during 2010:

  1. Desperation & Dominance
  2. Lipstick Blow Job
  3. Waking Up
  4. Nominations Needed for Top Hot Butches
  5. Sweat & Summer
  6. Gabrielle, Guest Star
  7. Best Anal Scenes in Queer Porn
  8. On Making Sex Last: Cheerleading & Open Relationships
  9. Occasional Effects of D/s
  10. The Relaunch of Top Hot Butches

Clearly most of these are smut stories, ya pervs. Two of the posts are about the relaunch of the Top Hot Butches project, which is now Butch Lab. And then there are a few random others, the anal sex scenes post is a nice representation of that anal week (that turned into anal month) exploration I did in early 2010.

Remember when I used to do monthly roundups? I still kind of miss that, but I can’t seem to make time for it. It was a really nice look back at the last month and what has happened here, which also told me what else I should focus on in the coming month. It made it easier to do these year-end roundups, too. So I’ve been going back through and making some notes about the year.

So, what happened.

I dated Kristen the whole year. She moved in with me in September, and we celebrated our second anniversary in December. We did manage to have a couple threesomes this year, one of which I wrote about in Gabrielle, Guest Star.

At the end of 2009, Kristen and I started exploring heavier D/s, and we still are, though I haven’t been writing about it as much. My public appearances have picked up tremendously (more about that later) and it’s been harder to put all of this in public. So I wrote a lot more password protected posts this year, and 2010 kicked off with three big ones in January: Occasional Effects of D/s, then a piece about D/s “homework” and why I was taking a break with it, and a piece about articulating what I need when I need it, which, though it sounds simple, is probably one of those life skills we all have to learn and re-learn and re-learn, something that hopefully gets easier but is never easy.

The good news is, late in 2010 I finally got the password/mailing list working, so I don’t have to do that manually anymore. If you want the password, I’ll trade you for adding your email address to my mailing list, where I (try to) send out updates on my work once a month.

Events:

February kicked off my year of travel, and boy, did I travel. After I got a booking company, PhinLi, last year, I have been doing more and more public events. I went to KinkForAll Providence in Rhode Island, Brown University in Providence, SXSW in Austin, Texas, Drew University in New Jersey, Tuscon Arizona for a strap-on workshop, Portland Oregon for a Strap-On workshop and a second time for the Butch Voices regional conference, Seattle for the Sex 2.0 Conference, Seattle and Southeast Alaska for Kristen to visit where I grew up, Albuquerque for an erotic energy retreat, The 2nd Annual CSPH Conference in Pawtucket, RI, and Northampton MA to visit Smith University. Am I missing any? I think that was it. Aside from that, I also did quite a few workshops in New York City, including at the Lesbian Sex Mafia, cunnilingus class at Purple Passion, Conversio Virium, Columbia University’s BDSM student group, and NYU for Trans Week.

The national Femme Conference was held in 2010, as well as regional Butch Voices Conferences in Portland, LA, and New York City. I was on the committee for the Butch Voices NYC Regional Conference which happened in September, which was a huge success. Some of the pieces I wrote up were: What’s going on at the BV NYC Conference?, the conference starts today!, BV NYC is over … … but BV Portland is this weekend. Syd London took photos. I did a countdown to the national Femme Conference that happened this year in August in Oakland, too, by mentioning and reviewing some of my favorite books about femme identity.

I started hosting regular porn parties on Twitter, starting with Fluid. We also watched Tight Places: A Drop Of Color (which was so good) and four episodes of the Crash Pad Series. I also hosted Butch Brunch a few different times, mostly in leading up to the Butch Voices Conference in New York City, but I’m interested to do a bit more of that. It’s fun to get together and talk about gender (go figure).

I launched Sideshow: The Queer Literary Carnival in April, a reading series I am co-producing and co-hosting with my good friend Cheryl B. Syd London took some amazing promotional shots of me & Cheryl for Sideshow’s materials, and we launched queerliterarycarnival.com after running it for a few months. We even have an intern, as of December! (More on him soon.)

Cheryl launched her own new project in 2010, WTF Cancer Diaries, after being diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma. And perhaps as a nice counter, if you need a pick-me-up, my girlfriend Kristen started a Butches With Cute Animals tumblr. Submit your photo!

Perhaps the biggest project of my year was the relaunch of the Top Hot Butches project, which is now Butch Lab. I also put a call out for nominations and the “list” is now more of an unordered, unnumbered database, and the site is more community-based and includes a blog and a monthly writing prompt carnival called Symposium. I wrote a piece about being butch enough.

Publications:

Early in February 2010 I started a weekly column with SexIs Magazine called Mr. Sexsmith’s Other Girlfriend. I kept writing columns for CarnalNation.com until they closed in the fall. I’d love to find another place to house my Radical Masculinity column, but haven’t yet. I’ve written there basically weekly since then, with a few weeks off. I’ve also written pieces for AfterEllen and the Lambda Literary Foundation this year, and I am writing a quarterly roundup of lesbian erotica on LambdaLiterary.org, two of which were published in 2010, in the fall and in the winter.

If you’d like to follow the pieces I write elsewhere, you can follow to the blog over on mrsexsmith.com online or by RSS.

In books, I have pieces in Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch/Femme Erotica and Best Lesbian Erotica 2011. Stories of mine were accepted to Gotta Have It: 60 Stories of Sudden Sex and Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme, but I haven’t seen copies of either of those yet. Persistence is due out in the spring or summer of 2011, I’m not sure exactly when.

The big news for publications, though, is the BDSM lesbian erotica anthology I am editing for Cleis Press! Deadline for submissions is January 1st 2011, and it is due out in the fall. I’ve had some amazing submissions so far, but there are still a few more days and I haven’t read everything. I’m really excited to be editing an anthology, and I’ve had some fantastic submissions so far.

Reviews & Affiliates:

I wrote a ton of reviews in 2010. In fact, in looking back over the archives, sometimes the reviews were completely dominating any other types of posts. I’m sure you can understand it is really fun to get sex toys in the mail. And it’s hard to turn them down when they are so generously offered. But … I have an overflowing toy box. I have most of the toys I’ve wanted, and I’m being a lot more discerning about what I review and what I take into my (not so spacious) apartment. I haven’t completely stopped doing reviews, though I hope you’ve noticed that there are significantly fewer posts about products than there used to be.

I’m trying to review more books than I used to, so I introduced Friday Reads. I’m trying to feature a queer or gender or sexy book on Fridays, though it doesn’t seem to be every Friday so far. So it goes! But one of my own personal goals is to read more books, so this is a good way to do that.

I added quite a few affiliates in 2010, including my own store at the Stockroom, Early 2 Bed in Chicago, and Cocksexual (because everyone can have fun with cocks), as well as affiliations with the new sites Heavenly Spire and QueerPorn.TV.

Awards:

You all voted Sugarbutch as the Best Sex/Short Story/Erotica site for the Lezzy Awards for the second year in a row! And I was included on the Best Sex Bloggers list at #27.

Last but not least, after that roundup, here’s some of my favorite pieces from the year that weren’t top viewers but are worth reading, and told the story of what was going on for me.

There is still two more days to December, so perhaps I’ll get something else written and up. But if I don’t, then I hope this will keep you occupied while I take my break and write like mad in January.

Happy New Year, all.

elust #21 includes my “Gabrielle, Guest Star”

I submitted my recent story Gabrielle, Guest Star to the elust sex blog roundup, since I write smut so infrequently these days I thought it’d be good to give that one an extra boost, have it make the rounds. Unfortunately, Lilly didn’t quite have enough judges this week, so there are just a few featured posts, not the usual top three. But hey, you can still go read my story!

And if you want another place to write or submit for, check out my recent call for submissions for my upcoming butch Symposium project. Submissions are due by November 10th.

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #22? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

Important e[lust] update: e[lust] will be going on hiatus for the holidays. The editions for November and December would both occur around the holidays and I know I’ll be short on both submissions and judges as well as personal time. e[lust] #22 will return in January, with ample advance warning, so please make sure you’re subscribed for updates!

  • Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick): D/s Without the D/s?This is one of those situations in a real time D/s relationship where much of the “fun” aspects of the D/s needs to be stuffed in the closet for a bit. And for us, it’s not a great time to be either a masochist or a sadist. We can deal with that.
  • e[lust] Editress: Yes, Jelly Sex Toys Can be DangerousEven if a jelly rubber toy says “phthalate-free”, it still can contain toxic chemicals that can cause skin reactions in some people. These toys are still non-porous and can harbor dirt and bacteria because they cannot be sanitized.
  • This Week’s Top Three Posts: Unfortunately, this edition has no Top Three picks as I didn’t have enough volunteer judges. If you’d like to volunteer to help, visit this page to find out more info and ensure that the Top Three picks continue.
  • See also: Pleasurists #101 and #100 for all your sex toy review needs.

Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2009

Remember when I used to do monthly roundup posts? I only did the first three months of 2009, which I actually kind of miss. Perhaps it’s something I’ll bring back.

So: what happened in 2009 here on Sugarbutch?

I’ve been dating Kristen, and in fact we were together all of 2009. Some of the dirtiest Kristen stories are here grouped together, though most of those occur in the first half of 2009, before my particularly difficult late summer and started playing with Daddy/girl play. I guess I wrote a little too vividly about Kristen, at times, because I got enough snarky comments and emails that I finally wrote some clarifying statements about what she represents in on getting girls off.

At the end of the year, I started giving Kristen homework, which prompted some questions about our d/s dynamic. I’m still working out the details on

(I did actually sleep with a few other girls aside from Kristen in 2009. Early on in the year, when we were starting out, our relationship was open. And, in the spring, Kristen and I had a threesome, which I did not write about here. I had hoped it would be our first of a few … but perhaps 2010 is the year for that.)

Aside from Kristen …

I won some awards in 2009! I got TWO Lezzy awards, for Best Gender Bender Blog and Best Sex/Short Story/Erotica Blog. I was also named to the Top Sex Bloggers list of 2009 for the second year in a row!

I launched Top Hot Butches in June, and that exploded in both good and painful ways. I initially included about a dozen trans men on this list, and that was a fairly poor choice, so I took them down, and wrote why I did so in on removing trans men from the Top Hot Butches list. I also contacted or was contacted by many of the trans men on the list, and in the end about half of them remained on the list (the other half I have not been in contact with; I did not hear from any trans men who were included on the original list saying that they wanted to be excluded).

After I went on a particularly transformative tantra retreat, I lost my job in July, though it didn’t officially end until September, when I was on administrative leave for the last few months of 2009. That meant that July and August were particularly I’m using the few months of cushion to launch my freelance work, which will be graphic design (like flyers, postcards, business cards) and web design (banners, ads, blog headers, blog templates) and writing.

I wrote a series called My Evolving Masculinity out of some of the difficulties and growing of the summer. Part One: Introduction, Part two: Yin & Yang, Part Three: “Daddy”, and Part Four: Personal.

I wrote a particularly vulnerable piece about what it’s like to come inside your lover as someone strapped on, and a piece asking, “is it a trans characteristic to wear a cock?” about cock-centricity and gender identity.

Apparently I didn’t write all that much on femme identity in 2009, but I did write a rather long, thorough piece On Femme Invisibility that I like quite a bit. I was also published in the Femmethology! Dacia recorded an mp3 version of my Love Letter to Femmes, and I kicked off the Femmethology blog tour.

I kept writing the Sugarbutch Star stories, but only wrote four out of five. In theory, there is one more coming, which I have started by not finished.

I tried to step up my posts on sexuality, bdsm theory, and domination and submission, and wrote some things I quite like, such as Sadism & the Study of PainHow do you get a dominant to dominate?, and Yes, No, and Consent.

Some more miscellany, from Sugarbutch and me around the web …

  • I curated the 15th Carnival of Sexual Freedom & Autonomy, which was my first major curation for a carnival, and I quite enjoyed it. I asked some specific questions about sexual freedom and sexual autonomy, and many different folks responded with beautiful essays on their own blogs. This was a lot of work, but I loved curating and recruiting and pulling various essays all together.
  • I launched MrSexsmith.com! This will be a place to keep track of my upcoming events and projects, outside of Sugarbutch. A portfolio of sorts.

  • I started a few different tumblr logs, but am focusing on one now: mrsexsmith.tumblr.com. The working description is something like “the personal media collection – images, video, songs, quotes – of Mr. Sinclair Sexsmith. Often featured are ribbons, pigtails, fishnets, lingerie, butches, and radical masculinity.” Generally, it’s all sorts of media and images that I like. The latest photo is currently featured over there in the sidebar.

  • I got a booking company! Phin Li Bookings is now representing me, and I am so thrilled to be doing more workshops and speaking engagements through them. What’s that? You’d like to bring me to your college or community center or local queer group? Well gosh, I’d love to! Let’s be in touch. You can find out about some of my workshops over on PhinLi.com and contact Seraphin of PhinLi Bookings, LLC at (646) 418-5152 or bookings (at) phinli (dot) com.

Other big news! Oh yeah, I write a column now!

I started writing for Carnal Nation in October, a column called Radical Masculinity. This is a major accomplishment, and a goal that I’ve wanted for a long time. I LOVE Carnal Nation and I love my editor, Chris, over there, and the pieces we’ve published so far are some of my favorite things I’ve written. I’ll always

I wrote a couple other things for Carnal Nation first, including being on their Perv Panel, which is on a hiatus. I wrote various pieces of advice, but I’m coming stronger to not really thinking I will pursue being an advice columnist. I like it, but I really don’t have time to get everything done that I’d like to as it is.

Oh yeah – I wrote product reviews, especially for sex toys. I think that might be a separate post, though – a roundup of all the products I reviewed, or a list of my favorites, might take a little time.

Whew! That’s a lot! Did I miss something? Also, what would you LOVE to see here in 2010?

What happened in March 2009

Sex! Oh boy oh boy oh girl oh god ohhhh …

Gender

Personal

Reviews

Some more miscellany …

What happened in February

February 2009! It was a quick month, but there was still some great stuff going on. And I won this little award you might have heard of

Sex:

  • Sugarbutch Star: Matt (part one) – This was a story submission that challenged me to include specific images for all five senses, and I’ve been struggling with it for a while. I love the challenge, but woah it’s hard. Part two is still forthcoming.

Gender:

Miscellany:

  • The Lezzys are here! Nominations for the Lezzy Awards, the Lezzy Award Finalists, and then … ta da! Two Lezzys? Really?! Thanks, everybody who voted. Check out the other winners & nominees, too, there are some really excellent blogs in those lists.
  • The Best Sex Toy Reviewers of 2008 list via the Pleasurists came out in February, and I ranted a little bit about how sex toy reviews are permiating sex blogs these days. Just to be clear, this was not intended to be a cricism of the list itself – I think it’s quite useful! And I found some great new sites to read by going through it. It was only a reflection on the increased amount of toys that have been going around our sites, and what I’ve been thinking about that. I don’t think we should stop reviewing and I don’t dislike reviewing (I love it!), I just know for myself I want to be more discerning about the companies I work with and the toys (and other books, DVDs, etc) that I accept to review.
  • Semantics: The Do-Be-Do-Be-Do Complex, brought to you by my friend Mr. K. Great comments about this concept, worth reading.
  • Important Calls for Support: Home Alive & Scarleteen If you’ve got an activist bone in ya, these two organizations are looking for support. They’re very important and I highly recommend getting involved, if you feel inspired.

Reviews:

  • Bow Restraints
  • Jaguar Harness has some great comments from people whose opinions of this harness are different than mine, really useful I think if you’re in the market for a harness.
  • Johnny … mmm, a big cock.

What happened in January

I’m so behind on the roundups. I’ve been less focused on Sugarbutch in January and February because I’ve had some personal things going on, not the least of which is the new relationship with Kristen. Here’s what I wrote about on Sugarbutch in January 2009.

Sex:

Gender:

More stuff:

Reviews:

What happened in December

I’m way behind on the end-of-the-year stuff. I want to do a 2009 roundup, too – that is, hopefully, coming.

Meanwhile, here’s what happened in December:

Sex & Relationships:

Gender

Community

Personal

  • Letter to a friend was about my own personal power, and is password protected.
  • Probably my favorite piece of writing from December was My Father’s Son, a prose-poem about my relationship with my dad and my gender.

Semantics

Colophon

Reviews

And that, as they say, was that.

What happened in November

Ah, November 2008: forever famous for THE ELECTION OF BARAK OBAMA as the President of the United States. Oh, rejoice, liberals of the US and the world. Except … then there was that pesky little thing about gay marriage amendments in three states, and the amendment that makes it illegal for unmarried folks to adopt in Arkansas.

But that wasn’t all. There was also the New York City Sexbloggers Calendar offical release party.

So even though I was attempting to take time off in November (betcha didn’t know that, huh), there were still many posts.

RELATIONSHIPS

ACTIVISM:

  • Post Election: On Love – and about my disappointment in the 2008 election, despite the fantastic nomination of Obama.
  • Letter to myself: Enough Moping – we took the temperature of the country by seeing how these anti-gay amendments passed so easily. Stop dwelling on the giant blow of the election and channel the hurt energy into activism. Buck the fuck up.

COMMUNITY:

REVIEWS:

In November, I also relaunched Sugarbutch into this new layout – if you’re reading via RSS, come on by and check it out. I’m still working on a “how to read this new layout” type of post, I know it’s rather difficult to tell which posts are new, but I’ve got some plans to fix that and I’ll iron that out in the near future.

What happened in October

October was the busiest month I’ve ever written on Sugarbutch, with 48 posts. Much of that came because I was part of 8 Against 8, where 8 lesbian bloggers wrote for 8 days against Proposition 8 in California, raising as much money as we could.

8 AGAINST 8

October’s masthead was a good one: Come for the smut, stay for the theory, featuring a photo of me, a red tie, and whiskey. Yum. One of my favorites.

SEX:

GENDER:

RELATIONSHIPS:

MISCELLANY:

What Happened in September

September has come & gone and I’m slow on the roundup. I already kind of miss the September masthead, I loved the serenity of the water and it was a fun reminder to have the “gender buddha” quote up at the top.

Here’s what happened on Sugarbutch.net in September:

SEX

  • The Sugarbutch Star Contest is officially underway!  The first entry came from Eileen and follows the narrator meeting a cute femme on a New York subway and picking her up. I wanted to get more of the entries written up, but September, like all months, was incredibly busy and full.
  • Tess has been busy busy busy producing the New York City Sexblogger 2009 Calendar, and I wrote up some of my experiences at the calendar photo shoot. I can’t wait to show off the final calendar, it looks fantastic!
  • I entered a contest on Best Sex Bloggers with my short story called The Creation Myth, and I won! The prize was a fabulous For Your Nymphomation sex toy case, which is featured in the story (along with a professional bottom), and my review of that is still to come.
  • I was named on the list of top 100 sex bloggers of 2008! I’m still surprised and honored, thanks to all who voted.

GENDER & THEORY

  • I attended the Femme Conference in Chicago in August, and when I had the chance to synthesize some of the topics we were discussing there I wrote the monthly In Praise of Femmes column on the architecture of identity. I also did a femme conference roundup & links list, pointing to other bloggers who attended and other reactions to the conference.
  • I travelled to my parent’s hometown – where I spent a lot of time growing up – and visited much of my large extended family in September in order to attend a wedding. Weddings and family are two incredibly gendered situations, and so wrote a very journally entry upon returning, a small complaint with some reflections.
  • I’ve had various people ask whether I go by “he” or “she,” so I figured I’d talk about pronouns: mine 
  • Couple definitions in September – define: need a word for “one who receives chivalry” and define: cisgender. There’s some controversy over the term I wrote about in August, “transmasculine,” and I’d like to write up a counter-post to that sometime in October.

RELATIONSHIPS

MISCELLANY

  • Obama 08. Oh, (American) politics. I’m disillusioned & a bit depressed about it all. That’s basically what this post says, except it goes deep into my own personal political history. Please register to vote, please vote, please vote intelligently.
  • Good Eye Candy this month: Brooklyn singer & rocker LP, a video featured on Ellen’s show of Ellen & Portia’s wedding, and some hot shots of a butch at the gay prom.
  • Only one toy review – the pack & play cock goodfella.

What happened in August

If you’ve just tuned in, you are joining our hero, Sinclair Sexsmith, on his ongoing quest for sex, gender exploration, and relationships. This is what happened in August; let’s watch.

SEX:

  • Uh, there wasn’t really any smut posted this month. I was single and haven’t been seeing anyone steadily, so there were no real-life adventures, and I’m preparing for the Sugarbutch Star 2008 contest where I write up various fiction stories, so I haven’t been writing much smut lately.
  • I did write the suspension of heterosexual belief about reading smut or watching porn with participants who aren’t particularly within your erotic orientation, and being able to suspend your orientation enough to appreciate the technique and skill of the sex in the scene
  • I also write on choice feminism and compulsory gender roles, which is something I’ve already referred to often, especially in regards to making all potential options valid in order to make a legitimate choice.
  • There’s a sexy seduction story, summer game plan, I posted over at Sappho’s Girls. What, you didn’t know I was writing there?
  • Sugarbutch Star Contest!– the official launch! and the announcement of the 2007 sugarbutch star chapbook which you’ll be able to buy from this site soon.

GENDER:

  • In praise of femmes: hair & shaving. I start out by talking about the difference between my personal preferences and what I think the options are (or should be) for women in general. I wish more women didn’t shave, honestly. Shaving probably wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me one way or the other, but I do particularly like freshly shaved skin. I see it as being yet another way to increase physical sensation, and as such, it’s a sex toy.
  • On butches: hair: “Sometimes I even like my five o’clock shadow. I’ve developed the habit of scratching my chin like the boys do. Feeling when I need a shave. Letting it grow on weekends, on weeks when I don’t have work. When I was in Mexico I didn’t touch it once. Ten days without shaving, I am sure a personal record. I didn’t even know my hair would grow that long, that dark, that thick. … Sometimes, I even like it. “
  • Both of these pieces were extensively commented on, by butches and femmes and various folks within the gender galaxy around the blogosphere. The comments & posts are particularly worth reading and I would even say are more interesting than my original posts – it’s fascinating to hear the details about how people keep their bodies, and the reasons for it, and the ways that shaving or body hair is subversive and resistance. Add your own comment to the mix about what you do, or post it on your own blog and leave a link.
  • I theorize about romance vs chivalry: What’s the difference between romance & chivalry? The two can look nearly identical, we thought – bringing flowers, pulling out a chair, taking a jacket – but something separates them. …Sometimes chivalry is purely kind and thoughtful, with no romance whatsoever. When I hold the door open for a stranger, or for my mom or sister or a straight girl friend, I do it with no romantic intent. Ah – so perhaps that’s what differentiates the two: intention.”

RELATIONSHIPS:

MISCELLANY:

What happened in July

July was a big month! I’m refining the topics & categories that I’m beginning to consistently write here, and I like the columns I’ve started – on butches, and in praise of femmes.

One of the first things I did this month was ask for money. I’ve been realizing more and more how much time I put into this website – it has become my part-time job. Many people have said that it is significant to them, it’s more than just my personal adventures, it’s also a community filled with ideas and concepts about gender, butch/femme dynamics, lesbian sexualities, etc. I wrote a follow up to why I asked for money after I got a little challenged, but ultimately I was incredibly touched and honored at all the donations I received. Thank you.

I also launched some merch! I don’t make much money at all from this, pennies really, but it’s kind of fun.

On with the rest:

SEX

GENDER

RELATIONSHIPS

MISCELLANY

what happened in June

June was supposed to be a relaxing month after the chaos of May, but it was quite busy, with Pride celebrations and the PSI workshop.

Sex:

Gender:

Relationships:
Still a few Penny stories …

Miscellany:

What Happened in May

May was an incredibly busy month for me – not only did I take two trips out of New York City, I also had visitors, performances, writing deadlines, and started seeing Penny a bit more seriously. I took a break mid-month and didn’t do any writing here for more than a week, so it was a fairly light month in the number of posts.

The new masthead quote comes from a conversation with Ally, long ago. The photo is a snippet of my tie collection. Kind of a departure from the usual black-and-white I’ve been going for, but hey, it’s summer now, seems fitting.

Here’s what happened in May:

Sex:

Gender:

  • On misperceiving someone as femme or butch, and then a follow up further clarifying was the hinge of this past month. In fact, I got so frustrated by the conversations around these posts that I stopped writing for a while and took a break. It’s hard to do this kind of gender writing and work sometimes, I guess I just needed to step back and think about it, and attempt to get to a place where I was not taking it so seriously.
  • Eventually, I posted gender frustrations and clarifications about my response to those two posts, and some round-up thoughts on onward & upward, gender explorers. I’m not going to stop writing entirely, but I do need slightly more structure and, occasionally, self-protection around this work, because sometimes, clearly, it gets to me.

Relationships:

Miscellany:

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what happened in April

April was incredibly busy! This past month held my 29th birthday, and the second anniversary 0f beginning to write here at Sugarbutch Chronicles. I was blogging for RAINN, I finished up the Sugarbutch Star Contest, and I started dating somebody new. I also introduced a new category, SSU, which stands for Sinclair Sexsmith University and includes slightly more formalized articles about sex, gender, & relationships.

May’s masthead is up! The quote comes from various conversations, primarily with Colleen and muse, about my gender standards. Photo taken by my younger sister in her backyard in Salt Lake City; if you look closely you can see the orbital in my ear. (The “about” page has the list of past mastheads.)

Sex:

Gender: 

Relationships:

Eye Candy:

Miscellany:

what happened in March

March was jam-packed here at Sugarbutch Chronicles; it was the second highest month of posts (37) and included various topics and discussions. Thank you all for your contributions, your comments and emails, for reading, for disagreeing with me at times, for challenging me.

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The new April masthead:

  • The quote – “What’s that I hear? The sound of a thousand girls sighing in cyberspace?” – comes from a comment Janie made on in praise of stretchmarks (thanks Janie! It made me laugh out loud). That stretchmarks post is also the most commented on piece this month … I’m surprised at how much notice that one got, actually. It’s funny how sometimes it’s the little notes scribbled on napkins that end up resonating the deepest.

Sex:

Gender:

  • Femininity & heterosexism discusses gender, specifically the unwanted male attention of femininity, and passing as a femme
  • A rather hateful post went up on the New York Craigslist women-for-women personals in March, with some very strong words about butches and our inadequacy in the lesbian communities. (“Inadequacy” doesn’t describe it – the poster basically blamed butches for all lesbian oppression.) I started writing this up at “lesbian does not =”, and Jesse James responded with a guest post responding, a la Lorde (Jesse started her own blog, too). I finally weighed in with careful, your prejudice is showing.
  • I introduced the new masthead feature with bringing butch back and a rather quick note about how chivalry is deeply feminist

Relationships:

Eye Candy:

Miscellany:

Elsewhere:

what happened in February

Sex

  • The Therapy Session: she took my fingers deep into her mouth like she does, letting me feel her throat and the back of her tongue and her soft palette with my fingertips. Two, three fingers. Her tongue, her teeth grazing my knuckles. […] And then on her knees. Her beautiful eyes looking up at me, cock deep in her throat, her hands on my thighs, on my ass, pulling me deeper into her. I’m moaning and gasping aw fuck and she takes my hand and puts it in her hair, I grip a fistful and hold her there, steady, as I pump my hips and fuck her face.
  • Upon Leaving Mexico: I rip open the fly of my jeans and shove my hand under my briefs. My clit (that she calls my dick and oh I love how she engenders me) is half-hard and has been all week that I’ve been next to her. I roll it in my fingers, remove my hand and spit onto my fingertips, then replace it and start jacking off.

Gender

  • Passing, privilege, & butch/femme: Yes, passing is sometimes a privilege, but not always. Just like my visibility is sometimes a privilege, but not always. Tell me about times it was a privilege for you, and times it wasn’t, and then ask me about my stories, too. Tell me what it’s like to walk in your shoes. Let me learn from your experience. It’s hard sometimes to be a queer in this heterodominant society, and it’s hard to be a butch or femme in a lesbian community rooted in androgyny and which associates gender oppression with gender expression. […] Can’t we share this burdon? Can’t we pass this weight around, let it be a little lighter between us? I mean, I know I’m a hippie-feminist-do-gooder-pacifist and all, but I believe in the power of community, deeply.
  • Further thoughts on privilege & gender: Thank you for swooning over my neckties and collared shirts, my perfectly messy short hair, my heavy belt buckles and swagger and the way I order wine for you. Thank you for having my favorite whiskey at your house for me, just for me, thank you for dressing up and looking your best, celebrating the costume of femininity, for putting time into your hair and makeup and outfit and shaved legs and stockings and lingerie straps that bite into flesh and shin splints from high heels and freezing legs from short skirts and the eyelash batting and the way I feel like a million bucks when I’ve got you on my arm. […] I appreciate your gender expression, deeply, because I make more sense when I’m next to you. To quote Cody: “Let’s be honest: we need femmes.” I didn’t get who I was until I started dating femmes. This identity does not exist in a vacuum, and, for me, requires the duo dynamic inherently.
  • Nostalgia for the butch/femme dynamic: Can you really miss something you didn’t actually live through? Seems like there’s a better word for it than “miss” or “nostalgia,” because it’s actually longing for another time. But it’s deeper than that – it’s a historical connection to that time, an inhereted lineage that I really do miss and sometimes long for. […] Though the gender revolution/s that are currently happening – especially around butch/femme – are a resurrection of something of the past, maybe it’s actually more more accurate to call it something new – a similar idea resurfacing in a new way.
  • Definitions on sex & gender: including the terms “butch flight,” gender galaxy, dress-up test, and GGG
  • Guest post from the muse: An argument for butch/femme, which tells the story of how she came to a femme identity: After seeing the toppy look on her face that gets me instantly wet, makes me tilt my chin down and look at her wide and expectant through my eyelashes, my mouth dropping open a little, just before she leaned over and kissed me hard, interrupting whatever I was saying. After making out wildly in an overpillowed winebar, her hands running up my skirt and finding the baby pink band of my thigh-highs, looking at me surprised and saying, “oh, that’s nice.” After a shameless PDA marathon along 14th street, grinding up against brick walls and in the middle of the sidewalk and in dark corners and on subway platforms. [ … ] After all that, I was convinced of the utility of skirts. And heels, two and a half inches or more, that put her cock just below my clit when I’m up against a wall. Fuck yeah. A (high-minus? medium-plus?) femme was born.

Relationships

A couple of password protected posts discussing my latest lover, and the end of that relationship:

Reviews

What happened in January (2008)

Posted January 21, 2009, but back-dated. I’m late on this roundup – a year late, actually. I started writing up roundups in February of 2008, so never wrote up January. But as I’m doing a year-end roundup, I’ve been trying to get this all in order.

Interesting to reflect on what I was doing a year ago. This site was really quite differently structured, and I spent most of the month writing personal reflections about the girl that I was (really, really) into.

Relationships/Sex:

In other news: