Call for Contributions: Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom & Autonomy

Posted on January 12, 2009 in theory | 16 Comments

The Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy, edition #14 is up at Silent Porn Star, and Sugarbutch is hosting the next Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy, edition #15, here.

That means, I am on the lookout for links about sexual freedom and autonomy. Email them to me to submit your site to the upcoming Carnival, which will be posted – here! – on Monday, January 26th.

That gives you almost TWO WEEKS! to write something. Get crackin’.

UPDATE: Deadline for submissions for the January 26th Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy #15 is this Friday, January 23rd. This’ll give me the weekend to read and compile the posts. Thanks!!

So, I am thinking about sexual freedom and autonomy. What does that really mean? How does that apply to feminist butches and femmes, to queers in this particular time (and place), to this community that I’m involved in of lesbian feminists exploring gender within the sexblog community?

I’m into words, so I have to start with what these terms mean.

Sexual Autonomy

Google helps me out with the definition of “autonomy”: personal independence; the capacity to make an informed, un-coerced decision; a person’s ability to make independent choices.

I’ve thought a lot about autonomy and choice, especially in terms of gender roles, of butch/femme, and the ways that exploring these gender dynamics often appear to be reproducing a compulsory gender hierarchy. One particular thing about choice that I want to reiterate is that I believe that all options have to be empowered and equally valued in order for it to be a real choice. The consequences to both choices have to be comparable.

If someone says, “Either you can eat this pile of dog poo, or you can eat this pile of carrots,” uh, that’s not really a choice.

So, sexual autonomy has to do with the ability to make choices based on all options being empowered, instead of having sexuality dictated upon you by cultural or gender stereotypes. Sexism is rampant, and androgyny is somewhat required in queer communities, so butch/femme roles are misunderstood, mistrusted, belittled, seen as archaic, and dismissed.

But autonomy in choosing to explore gender can come through 1) deconstructing the cultural expectations, identity alignment assumptions, and compulsory roles, especially regarding the ways that those things are destructive, hierarchical, and marginalizing; and 2) reconstructing selective parts in ways that have inner resonance, that “just make sense,” and are empowering.

I’m talking about gender autonomy here, I guess, not so much sexual autonomy – sexual autonomy would more be along the lines of … what? Choosing your sexual partners? Coming out? Claiming a kinky sexuality? The concept of autonomy automatically calls to my mind questions and issues about gender development and identity, perhaps because I feel that is more fragile than sexual autonomy – I think there is more discourse on sexual autonomy, claiming your own sexuality, learning yourself and your own sexual needs, etc.

Sexual Freedom

What does this really mean? What does it mean to be “sexually free”? The stereotype that would perhaps come to mind is someone promiscuous, sexually “liberated,” who has a lot of sex. And hey, that person might be sexually free, sure, but that’s not necessarily true, and definitely not the only way to look at it. What other ways are we able to exercise our “sexual freedom?”

So, considering these two concepts – sexual autonomy and sexual freedom – I have some questions for you:

What does “sexual autonomy” mean to you? What does “sexual freedom” mean to you?

Are there any particular stories you want to tell about gaining (or losing) your own sexual freedom or autonomy?

How does your knowledge of feminism play into the concepts of sexual freedom and autonomy?

How does your sexual autonomy or freedom conflict, interact, or engage with your feminist beliefs?

Any other questions or ideas you might have about these concepts?

I’m open to all sorts of posts – your submission to the Feminist Carnival does not have to specifically answer these questions. In my ideal dream world, here’s a list of folks who I would hand-pick to contribute to this conversation. Please consider writing something on these questions – or, at least, submitting something that you’ve worked on during the month of January.

Leo McCool
Freedomgirl
Butchtastic
Green Eyed Girl
Natt Nightly
Packing Vocals
Femme is my Gender
Queer Fat Femme
Fatgirl Femme
Just Like Jesse James
Ladies in Waiting
Miss Avarice
Femmeinist Fucktoy
Lesbian Dad
Jess I Am
Tina-cious
Don’t Let’s Talk
Essin’ Em
When or If
The Femme Show

(These are some of my favorite blogs, if you didn’t get that, so if you aren’t reading them already I highly recommend them. These folks keep me thinking, engaged, and conversing about sex and gender in ways that make my head twist in knots and light up and feel alive. Send my love to ‘em all.)

Let’s queer (and butch/femme) up this Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy.

16 Comments | Category: theory | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Sugasm #155: Top Three!

Posted on December 26, 2008 in miscellany | 1 Comment

This Week’s Picks

More Sugasm | Join the Sugasm | See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

My other favorite pick of the week:

1 Comment | Category: miscellany | Tags: , , ,

Sugasm #152 – editor’s pick!

Posted on November 23, 2008 in miscellany | 1 Comment

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.

This Week’s Picks

More Sugasm | Join the Sugasm | See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

1 Comment | Category: miscellany | Tags: , , ,

still on the tip of my tongue (sugasm #136)

Posted on June 17, 2008 in miscellany | No Comments

My piece about going down on Penny was featured on Sugasm today. Thanks!!

The best of this week’s sexblogs by the bloggers who blog them.

This Week’s Picks

More Sugasm | Join the Sugasm | Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

More of my personal favorites:

No Comments | Category: miscellany | Tags: , , , , , ,

ask me anything

Posted on April 29, 2008 in miscellany | 12 Comments

… go on, you know you want to.

In celebration of Sugarbutch Chronicle’s second anniversary, I’m going to follow one of my favorite blogger’s Ask Me Anything thread over at Zen Habits and open up the floor to any questions you might have for me. I can’t promise to answer 100 (as Zen Habits’s author Leo did) but I will answer as many as I can.

You already know how old I am (29), my favorite cock (Silky), and a whoooole lot about my relationship history in the past few years (see: every “girl” category over there in the sidebar). But what else do you want to know?

To echo Leo once again: You can ask me anything you want, from the personal to the professional to the philosophical and anything else you can think of. I can’t claim to have expert answers on anything, but I’ll do my best, and will profess ignorance when applicable.

12 Comments | Category: miscellany | Tags: , , ,

128: such sexy shit

Posted on April 23, 2008 in miscellany | 2 Comments

I’m sorry, but how fucking hot is this week’s sugasm photo of the girl with the stilettos? Damn damn damn.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them …

This Week’s Picks:

  • Fellatrices: C-u-n-n-i-l-i-n-g-u-s “Yep, sounds like the boyfriend needs a lesson,” she affirmed. “You just need to show him where to lick.”
  • In Plain Sight “She was laughing flirtatiously and he had a look of a cat that’s about to get the cream.”
  • Succor. The act of suspension removed me from my ego and placed me at the still point.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself (one from the vaults) Ten Things to Thank Porn For

Editor’s Choice: Half-Nekkid Thursday: My Hustler Debut

More Sugasm |  Join the Sugasm | See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

My favorites:

2 Comments | Category: miscellany | Tags: ,

what I’m obsessing over

Posted on March 24, 2008 in swag | 2 Comments

A small installment of what kept me busy surfing the net this weekend …

Yael Naim: New Soul (video) – “I’m a new soul / I came to this strange world / … Finding myself making every possible mistake.” It strikes me as quite appropriate for this gender exploration, and the social policing that means that our delicate gender identities take a while to fully form and solidify. See also: Yael’s cover of Britney Spears’s song Toxic – fantastic. I can’t say I know much about Britney in general, but like anyone who lives in the US, her songs are pretty much impossible to avoid, so I do know a little about her. Yael’s cover also reminds me of this cover of Britney’s new-ish single Gimme More, where suddenly I hear the lyrics in an entirely new way.

Can’t we call it cock? (article) by Diana Cage over on the OurChart blog about sex. Okay, so maybe I have a crush. I was on Diana’s radio show this week and she’s just so articulate and funny and fucken brilliant. (Of course, she’s taken, so I’ll be my chivalrous self and admire her from afar with boundaries.) After this article, you won’t be able to call it a “dildo” again without a firm Hobbit reference in your head.

Dungeon Beds (website & product for sale) – ohh my my. Secretly, I’ve always wanted a fancy four-poster bed, but I never quite envisioned one that wasn’t all girly and canopy-like. I can’t believe these. It never even occurred to me that something like this exists, but now that I know, I feel like it must be my goal in life to not only have one, but to have an adequate bedroom in which to house one. Wow.

I was reminded of the lovely cluster of sites I Feel Myself, I Touch Myself, I Shoot Myself, and Beautiful Agony. They aren’t exactly porn, even though they do feature people (mostly girls) getting off. They’re tasteful, erotic, real, sometimes so beautiful and raw that I get breathless. Watching one of the free previews on I Feel Myself: this girl is on the edge of a train car, gripping the metal of the door behind her, wearing thigh highs, cowboy boots, a thin slip of a dress, and a hat, with the trainyard in the background. It is gorgeous. It’s rare that I come across art that is made or written so well that I wish I’d done it, I get jealous of the artist’s very ability to create something so stunning. 

Dyke Tees (sponsor & product for sale) is Sugarbutch’s first official sponsor – that means advertisement, yes. You’ve probably noticed that I’ve added some advertisements and affiliates over in the left sidebar. I’m doing this because I am spending a lot of time on SBC, and if I could somehow make some compensation, between that and freelance writing, perhaps I could eventually make even more time to work on it. I have more ideas for posts than I have time to write them out, many products to review, lots of smut stories I wish I’ve written up for you. So: Dyke Tees! Thanks for your sponsorship. They’ve got some good tee shirts over there, I’m particularly fond of the Good Girl design with the image of a girl bound by rope … the caption says, “it’s only kinky the first time.” Hah! I also like the winged heart design on the tee shirt Love Without Labels, but we all know I like labels, and think they can be incredibly celebratory, so I probably wouldn’t actually wear it.

2 Comments | Category: swag | Tags:

on a lighter note

Posted on March 12, 2008 in miscellany | 1 Comment

Dylan Vade, who is behind one of my new favorite terms, “gender galaxy,” emailed me the other day to let me know about this resource section of articles on the gender galaxy and the Trannymals website. Trannymals, to quote Dylan, are “googley eyed genital creatures that celebrate bodies, challenge bad laws, and in general, spread gender galaxial ways.” Bad ass, and fun, and funky. Check it out.

Jennie at butchculture.com also contacted me recently. I appreciate what she’s doing over there.

Bad Man in a Bad Place recommended Stuff Lesbians Like.

In other news, I want this bit gag. Thanks for reviewing it, Shasta.

Have I mentioned recently how hot Madeline is?


pix from the February wax demo with Lolita and Madeline at LSM
Photos by Simone P. aka Sweet P, member of Tribe of NJ
(borrowed from Lolita’s blog)

1 Comment | Category: miscellany | Tags: , ,

occasional excitement

Posted on March 7, 2008 in miscellany | 5 Comments

Some shout-outs & announcements:

  • I’ve had a few comments & emails recently about my ads, particularly that they include some NSFW photos, and some expression that this is a bummer, as they’d like to read my site at work. Well … here’s the thing. The design of this blog is made to be read in an RSS reader. The posts in the reader won’t have breasts or photos that are NSFW (though the written content is another story). I’ve said it before, but honestly, RSS feeds & readers are the biggest thing to happen to blogs since Blogger, I swear, and if you aren’t using one you’re really missing out. Some people have said to me, “But I like visiting people’s actual sites!” Yeah, I get that, and there is something valuable to design and format – I’m a graphic designer! I definitely understand. But even still, RSS readers are invaluable, and this site is definitely aimed to be read through one.
  • Following up on femininity & heterosexism, Figleaf has a new post about attraction, invitation, and the insufficiency of consent. Also, thanks to Jess over at the F-word Blog for the mention.
  • FetLife is a social networking site for the fetish community … and it’s fun. Come be my friend.
  • My first post is up over at The Lesbian Lifestyle blog, titled Consent is Sexy:

Sexy is in the physical communication between us. The way I compensate when she pulls back, which is the reason she pulls back in the first place: she likes to see me strain. Likes to pull desire from me like a soul-sucking kiss. Likes to entice and invite until I reach that breaking point and just have to take her down. Have to hold her still, keep her from moving, break those charms from her mouth and remind her that I am a little stronger, a little bigger, remind her that there are consequences to her toying.

  • Last fall’s Sugarbutch Star contest hit a standstill for a few months there, and there was only ONE more story to finish. Well, today’s your lucky day – the very last piece (Shannon, a photography shoot) is almost complete, and will go up this weekend. In the meantime, review the other fabulous entries and decide which ones are your favorites, cause I’ll be asking you, the readers, to vote on them all, and determine whose story will be the winner. Any good suggestions for prizes? I have my own ideas, but I’m open to others.
  • I’m, yet again, compiling a list of the queer women sexblogs out there. Got any good ones to suggest that I don’t have listed in the community?

5 Comments | Category: miscellany | Tags: ,

“Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity”

Posted on February 7, 2008 in miscellany | 6 Comments

I have much to write about, I’m working on a couple pieces for you, more rantings on re-valuing masculinity, something about butch stubble, and of course there’s the aforementioned “Therapy session” where Miss DD & I got kicked out of a bathroom at a gayboy club.

Also, I’ve slightly changed the settings on my WordPress template so that it no longer produces /#/ in the URLs. If you’ve linked here, and you have that in the code, you might discover that your link no longer works. Just sayin’.

Also, for that matter, some of you are still linking to my old blogspot address – please check your linkrolls and update to www.sugarbutch.net.

Meanwhile, I’ve been a bit caught up in all the politics of the presidential race. I, like so many, am going back & forth between Hillary and Obama (interesting that we call her by her first name, isn’t it? I know she’s perpetuated that in her campaign, but still). My inner brain argues, She’s so experienced! She could really fix some of the bad stuff that’s happened! But – he’s such an orator! An inspiring leader! I get so inspired by his politics, in a way that I never get riled up when I hear politicians speak!

(Apparently my inner brain speaks primarily in exclamation points.)

I’d be pretty happy with either one, honestly. There are benefits and drawbacks to each. It hit me this week that we will, most likely, I really believe, either have a woman or a black man as president next year. That’s phenomenal. I remember hearing the rumors a few years back that Obama and Hillary would likely be running and I thought, really? Are we ready for that? This country seems so bass-ackwards and I can hardly believe we would elect a minority, of any kind, after we elected W twice. TWICE! Sometimes I think this country deserves what it gets.

I’m sure you’ve seen it by now, it is certainly making the rounds, but just in case you haven’t: the “Yes We Can” speech Obama made was set to music by will.i.am of the Black-Eyed Peas and overlayed with some celebrity singers, and it’s brilliant. The speech by itself is even brilliant, but lord, I love this so very much.

And hey, help me out here: who is the white chick with the fabulous mouth and the plunging v-neck showing off her cleavage who is singing in the “Yes We Can” video? Someone told me this was one of the Pussycat Dolls, but I think that’s the other girl, not the one I mean. There’s a list of all the celebrities on yeswecansong.com but I don’t recognize enough of the names to figure it out.

Sometimes lately I’ve been thinking that we need a great leader even more than we need someone who will be able to navigate the system, because hell, I and so many people I talk to are so disillusioned with politics right now. How many times did I hear “I’m moving to Canada” or “I haven’t been able to watch any political speech or debate or a word that W says since 2002″ or “why even bother? this country is run by the elite” or et cetera in the last eight years? We – the liberals, the radicals, the social change fighters – need some hope and inspiration.

A few other links, before I stop ranting politically:

And: if you’d like to follow some of the articles and blog posts that I’ve been reading lately, you can either subscribe to my Google Reader RSS feed, or add me as a friend on your own Google Reader (I’m under aspiringstud (at) gmail (dot) com), or look over in the sidebar, now, where I added a clip of my shared items.


While I’m doing some housecleaning, let me also let you know that I’ve been invited to join the Lesbian Bloggers Blogads Hive (thanks Kelly!), which means that you may be seeing some ads appear on this site in the near future. I have such grand plans for Sugarbutch, and I love the ways that people are responding and contributing and communicating with me – and with each other – about so many of the things that I’ve brought up here, and I want to be able to do more, but I currently can’t devote as much time to it as I’d like. I’m hoping that, if it begins to make me some money, I’ll be able to clear more time in my schedule for it, write more, make some changes, keep it up better. I hesitate, though, because I really do think that ads compromise a blog’s integrity, but I’m trying to remember that these labors of love are expensive and time consuming, and I – we all – deserve to be compensated for our time and hard work.

I’ll keep you updated as the quest for compensation progresses. Ideas are always welcome.

That concludes your random political/community post for today … we will return you to your regularly scheduled smut on Sugarbutch Chronicles soon.

6 Comments | Category: miscellany | Tags: , , ,

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