On the Importance of Queer, Women Centered, & Feminist Sex Toy Shops (Map)

When I was traveling around to toy stores and bookstores across North America for the release of Say Please, I started keeping a list of the best of the best.

And eventually, I made a map of as many as I could find.

This is a totally US-centric map! Mostly because that’s where I live & work. I’d love to add more—what shops did I miss? Which should I add? Tell me in the comments + I’ll include it!

Link to the Google map of queer, women-centered, & feminist sex toy shops (just in case it doesn’t load up there)

I came out in Seattle in 1999, and I was lucky enough to be in close proximity to the first Babeland brick and morter store, where I started attending their workshops and smut readings, and I would go in with my scrimped ten bucks and get the best vibrator I could find. It took a long time for me to fully invest in quality silicone, or a real leather harness, but eventually, Babeland (which also has two stores in Manhattan & Brooklyn), and other stores, like Feelmore 510 in Oakland, became places that I frequented and invaluable resources.

The staff at women-centric, queer-friendly sex toy stores are often not just paid sales staff, but educators. The folks who work there know about safer sex practices, what lubes are good if you’re prone to yeast infections, and what kind of toys go with what kinds of lube or condoms. They can recommend different toys based on your body and your needs. I often find that they have a lot of knowledge about people of size, differing ability, body support, and other kinds of access needs. They often have tried out the newest toys and are up on all the latest goodies, so they can recommend all kinds of stuff.

These kinds of stores are well-lit, honest, out in the open, and sex-positive. There’s no flickering florescent blubs and weird backlit rooms for previewing porn videos (I don’t know about you, but that kind of thing was the sex toy store of my youth—and the only kind of sex toy store I knew about, until I found Babeland).

These kinds of stores often have all sorts of knowledge about women’s pleasure, about owning your own desires, about sustaining longer orgasms, about whatever kind of little pickle (ha ha) you might be dealing with in your own sex life. If you bring them your sex puzzles, they will help, is what I’m saying.

Good Vibrations has a Customer Service 800 number—(800) 289-8423 M-F 8am-5pm PST—which has made it into some famous erotica stories (see: this Herotica volume 3 collection from 1994 that I may or may not have read over and over and over and over. MAY OR MAY NOT), and which is staffed by sex educators who will eagerly help you figure out what toy to buy or how to get what it is you’re looking for.

This stuff goes way beyond “retail store” and far into the purpose of “community center” and “resource center.”

Plus, there are often classes and workshops, or erotica readings, at stores like these. If one of them is in your area, I highly suggest you get on their mailing list and keep up with their goings on.

I’m hoping that creating a map like this will be an easy resource for folks who are looking for the great sex-positive sex toy stores near them, and that also it will inspire us to keep patronizing these stores. They are so important + valuable to the sex worlds, and I really want to see them thrive.

If you’re not anywhere near one of these, you could check out some of these amazing shops online, too: Good Vibrations which has many different shops around the San Francisco Bay Area, JT’s Stockroom in LA, Early 2 Bed in Chicago, She Bop the Shop in Portland, Oregon, or Babeland.

Here’s the link to the Google map of queer, women-centered, & feminist sex toy shops that I have so far. Did I miss any? Please leave info on them in the comments & I’ll check them out! Make sure that they are:

  • Welcoming to all genders
  • Discerning about what kind of toys that they carry (e.g., they don’t carry toys made of plastics that are bad for the body)
  • Inclusive of and centered around women’s sexuality
  • Bonus points if they are queer- or woman-owned!

Review: Aneros Evi G-Spot Massager

Maybe it’s silly, and it’s probably 99% an issue of marketing and what the majority of the population knows, but every time I see a product that advertises that it’s “for the g-spot,” I think, “Really? Do we really have to have this magic “spot” on bodies that is named after a male doctor who “discovered” it?”

I resent that women’s bodies have been claimed.

The “g-spot” is a word and concept that symbolizes the “discovery” of and ownership over parts of women’s bodies, and it is a big ol’ pet peeve of mine.

Of course, there’s constant debate in the scientific health communities about whether the “g-spot” really exists at all—just like how there’s sometimes “official” debate about whether or not someone with a g-spot can ejaculate. Um hello? That just seems … ignorant. Based solely on my completely unofficial poll of my however-many lovers in the last fifteen years, ejaculation can happen and clearly there is some sort of area in the g-spot region that, for some people, when stimulated, is quite pleasurable and can result in either ejaculation or orgasm or both. Of course, for others, there is no pleasure (or sometimes discomfort or pain).

What does that tell me? Well, that our bodies are different.

The New View of a Woman’s Body calls that area the “urethral sponge” and I like that better, though it’s way less of a sexy phrase. Dentifrice vs toothpaste. It’s argued that the g-spot exists somewhere within the urethral sponge, so I suppose they are somewhat different things.

Anatomy is not my specialty, though I am fascinated by our genital parts and what they do. Even more than that, perhaps, I am fascinated by the social and political decisions made surrounding bodies, particularly marginalized bodies (people of color, trans and intersex and “other” genders, women).

So now that you’re Public Service Announcement about my annoyance about the concept of the g-spot is out of the way, let’s move on: This is a review of the Aneros Evi, a somewhat new (as it came out in 2013) g-spot massager toy.

evi2The Aneros company is best known for its neat-shaped prostate toys, which I, not having a prostate, have often admired, though not had much excitement when trying. It seems not all that different than a butt plug, to my non-prostate-having butt. Still, the products are well designed, and that is always a turn-on for me.

So when the Evi was released, which is specifically for g-spot stimulation, I was eager to try it. I like toys that stimulate the g-spot, generally, and lately more and more I have wanted something inside, in that spot, while I’m getting off.

And as a bonus, Evi’s little foot (or, the engine of the starship Enterprise, if you are thinking what I’m thinking) is supposed to give the wearer some added clitoral stimulation too.

evi

The stimulation is supposed to happen purely when squeezing. The kegel exercises (hey look! Here’s another man, Arthur Kegel, who has named a (genital) place on my body after himself) combined with this toy is supposed to simply be enough for this toy to massage my g-spot.

And, does it?

Well … it doesn’t suck. I wouldn’t don’t kick Evi out of bed. But it’s not any sort of mind-blowing stimulation. I think for my particular body, the Evi isn’t quite the right shape. It’s too small, the foot is not long enough to reach my clit, it doesn’t stimulate my g-spot/urethral sponge enough, or the way I’d like it to.

Still, it’s a great toy to have at arm’s reach in my arsenal. I bet it’s going to be great for a little extra added front hole stimulation while doing some ass fucking. I hear it’s a pretty decent butt plug, and I suspect it’d also be comfortable to wear out in public. So I still have some ideas about and things to experiment with my new Evi friend.

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Aneros Evi was sent to me by Good Vibrations to review, but this review consists completely of my own opinions and ideas and is not influenced by anyone else (except maybe rife). Pick up your own Evi at goodvibes.com, & see more of my very favorite recommended sex toys at Good Vibrations here.

It’s Valentine’s Day, so here’s some Desert Island Toys

It’s Valentine’s Day this week! You didn’t forget it, did you? Well, you’re lucky—if you place an order before noon on Wednesday, they’ll upgrade your shipping to next day air, with some other goodies thrown in too.

Whether you’re single, or have one or two or more hotties you want to share some sexytimes with this V-day, I’m sure you can find a way to … work this to your advantage.

Here’s some of my very favorite desert island toys. Maybe it’s time to add them to your toy box!

Vixskin Maverick shilo tristan

jaguarg SpareParts Joque Harness tomboi

1-1-AB-BE01-2 Liberator Throe Njoy Pure Wand

underbed Crash Pad Series queerpornrevolution

What’s that? You still want more?

Well, okay then. Here’s even more of my favorite products of all time over at Good Vibrations. ‘Cause you’re gonna need some condoms, gloves, and lube to go with those toys, aren’tcha?

Order by noon today (Wednesday) & get free next day shipping, free vibrator, free gift card, & other goodies!

The hottest parts of the hottest parts of the stories: The Big Book of Orgasms

If you’re a fan of reading erotica—and chances are high that you are, if you’re following Sugarbutch—you probably know Rachel Kramer Bussel‘s work. She’s one of the most prolific erotica editors and writers currently curating and creating dirty books and stories for us to read and explore, and I’m a huge fan of her work.

She’s included stories of mine in a variety of her anthologies, and I’m in a brand new book of hers called The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories which also features many of my favorite queer erotica writers, including BD Swain and Xan West.

The Big Book of Orgasms joins a few other “big book” anthologies of short-short dirty stories, including Girl Fever and Gotta Have It and Frenzy (the latter two I have stories in), and they continue to be some of my most favorite anthologies. They’re so easy to read. It’s like the “good parts” version of other erotica anthologies, where in this one, the writers only have a couple of pages to give you the point of the story, which is usually the hottest part of the story.

The hottest part of the story isn’t always the orgasm part (very often the tease is what does it for me, for example), but it’s definitely one of the hottest parts. So basically what I’m saying is, this book is the hottest parts of the hottest parts of stories. Amazing.

So next week, on Wednesday November 6th, I’ll be reading at the Polk Street Good Vibrations toy store in San Francisco, along with a handful of other contributors to the book, to celebrate the release of The Big Book of Orgasms!

Details:

bigbookThe Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories (Cleis Press) is editor Rachel Kramer Bussel’s latest and greatest erotica anthology. This climactic collection of pansexual short shorts are perfect for bedtime reading to a lover or on your own. Whether getting off from exhibitionism, voyeurism, hot wax, dirty talk or a very special pair of blue jeans, the characters in The Big Book of Orgasms go all out for the Big O. From vanilla to kinky, and everything in between, there’s something for all erotic readers here. At this special reading, Bussel will be joined by contributors Lily K. Cho, Malin James, Crystal Jordan, Donna George Storey, B.D. Swain, Virgie Tovar, Sinclair Sexsmith, Jade A. Waters and Xan West for an evening of steamy stories that’s sure to leave you hot and bothered.

FREE!
Time: 6:30 – 7:30pm
Where: Good Vibrations Polk Street Good Vibrations Polk St. store 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento Street), San Francisco, CA 94109
http://events.goodvibes.com
https://fetlife.com/events/201391
https://www.facebook.com/events/186231794893318/

… The only problem is, I’m not entirely sure what to read. This book includes a story about Kristen, and traditionally, at book release parties, it’s customary to read the story that is included in the book. But I don’t think I can read a story about how good she is at sex and how much I loved fucking her, in public, right now. Maybe someday I can, maybe it’ll feel like fiction again, or like my own writing, but right now it just feels like ouch.

So what do I read?

Options are … well … I could read a different piece, something about rife or something more fictional. I could read someone else’s story from the book. I could write to Rachel and ask her what she recommends. I’m not sure what the best option is, for this one.

Suggestions?

And while you’re at it, if you’re in or nearby to San Francisco, why don’t you come see me read, and get a copy of the book signed by some of the amazing contributors? It’s been a while since I’ve had an erotica reading, I’m looking forward to it.

I’m at IMsL! (So Of Course I Got a Haircut)

Thanks, Tomcats, as usual, for the ability to not really think that hard about my hair and still have it look good.

So I’m in San Francisco this week! I was at Mills College doing a Radical & Responsible Gender workshop last night (hi Colleen! Hi Jack! That was fun!), and this weekend I’ll be at the International Ms Leather contest and conference, and I’m really stoked to be here. I’ve never been before but it’s been on my radar for many years. I’m really looking forward to many of the workshops (and who knows, maybe I’ll discover some new presenters who might want to come do some things for the Lesbian Sex Mafia in New York City?) and to the social time too, hanging out with the incredible folks who are going to be here.

I’ve got some copies of Say Please hot off the presses! And I’m doing a reading at Good Vibes (Polk Street) on Sunday at 5pm if you’d like to come to that—in addition to me, it’ll be readers from Say Please, Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and Salacious Magazine’s Leather issue. It’ll be debaucherous and fun. I’m now calling the whole Say Please tour the DIRTY QUEER SEX TOUR, and still working on dates (Chicago! Portland! Hi I want to come visit!) and hope I can get out to many more places this summer and fall.

The virtual Say Please DIRTY QUEER SEX book tour kicks off on April 1—more info on that shortly.

If you’re at IMsL and see me, say hi!

Must See Porn: Roulette Toronto & Crash Pad #6

I’ve had these two DVDs sitting around for months now and finally had a chance to watch ’em.

The first is Crash Pad Series #6, the continuation of the DVD releases of the Crash Pad’s online queer porn empire, crashpadseries.com. This one features Carson, Casey Grey, Cyd Loverboy, Dylan Ryan, James Darling, Jiz Lee, Princess Donna, Ray, Tina Horn, Syd Blakovich.

I particularly love Tina Horn’s scene in this one, she’s hot and funny and having a great time while not taking herself too seriously. And there is a reason she is famous for her ass—it is gorgeous, oh my Gaga.

Good Releasing has taken over (limited?) release of the Pink & White films, which I’m happy to see. Crash Pad, and Pink & White in general, are hugely cutting edge in the world of porn, but it can’t hurt to get a signal boost from the Good Releasing folks.

I’m really behind on the Crash Pad series! Clearly I should make more time to keep up with the amazing short films (but there are so many). Crash Pad #6 was nominated for the 2011 Feminist Porn Awards—as was Roulette Toronto, the next flick I’m going to mention.

Roulette Toronto features April Flores, Jiz Lee, Dia Zerva, Dylan Ryan, Courtney Trouble, Tina Horn, Drew DeVeaux, Judy Minx, Scout, Lascivia Liberty, River Turner, and Wordman—and many of these stars are my absolute favorite.

The scene with Trouble and Judy Minx is sultry and edgy and hot, with saturated color and sexy sensation play. The trio of Drew DeVeaux, Jiz Lee, and River Turner is in a dance studio where they all get to show off their moves, before moving on to every possible combination. April Flores and Dylan Ryan get it on femme-style, complete with high heels and April’s amazing bright red hair.

And the music! Queer and dirty radical goodness. It is an impressive collection of scenes from director Courtney Trouble (as if we’d expect anything less of her).

And if that description isn’t enough, here’s the trailer. Do I have to warn you that it’s NSFW?

We haven’t had a #pornparty in a while … do y’all miss it? If I did another one, would you come? What if it was free to tune in and watch that film at that particular time? Would you join us? Are you interested in that continuing?

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Crash Pad Series #6 and Roulette Toronto queer porn DVDs were sent to me from Good Vibrations for review. Check out more sex toys, vibrators, and other lovely items at your local feminist queer sex-positive sex toy shop, or online at goodvibes.com.

Extra Sexy Valentine’s Day

So Babeland did this sweet Valentine’s Day gift guide, and it got me thinking about what sexy toys and gifts I would highly, highly recommend, above all others, for you to pick up for your sweetheart (and, uh, yourself) for this Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been reviewing products for more than two years, and these are some of my personal favorites. The queer porn is especially good as a Valentine’s Day gift I think … plus, if you get a year-long membership, or even a month-long, that will be an ongoing present, one you can enjoy together and that might help take your sex life to a new level. It’s much easier to point to some sex act or product on screen and say, “So what do you think of that?” in order to open up conversation than it is to say, “Hey, I want to try …”

Hope you find something you like, and that the day is fun, regardless of how you celebrate.

You can also check out more of my favorite toys over at Good Vibrations, where they have various celebrity picks.

So let’s hear it: what are you getting your sweetheart, or yourself, this year? How, if at all, are you celebrating? What are your very favorite toys that I might have left off this list?

Twitter Porn Party Tonight & Giveaway Winner

Thanks to the Random Integer Generator for picking commenter #2 as the winner of the $30 Good Vibrations Gift Card:

Congrats, I’ll be in touch!

Don’t forget! Garnet Joyce & I are hosting another Porn Party over on Twitter tonight at 6pm PST / 9pm EST. Join us as we watch Tight Places: A Drop of Color and comment on it with the hashtag #pornparty.

If you tune in, Garnet is going to give away another $30 gift card during the porn party itself, so keep an eye on Twitter and the #pornparty hashtag tonight.

On Making Sex Last: Cheerleading & Open Relationships

I’ve asked a couple people recently what their secrets were for their successful long-term relationship, how they keep the passion alive, how they keep walking that delicate line of having enough space and still being connected to each other. Coming together, going apart, coming back together, over and over through the years.

One friend answered, “Do you really want to know? We sleep around. We’re both big sluts. The commitment, to me, means that we are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. We don’t believe in possessing each other. I am always on the sidelines yelling, ‘Go you!’”

I find possession kind of hot, personally. In a playful way. But I love this cheerleader idea, the ways that a relationship can be built to support each other through our individual personal trials. And as long as the possession stuff can be fun and consensual, and not interfering with each other’s sovereignty, I think the two—cheerleading and possession—aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. It reminds me of the quote in that relationship article I ran across long ago:

“Create for yourself a new indomitable perception of faithfulness. What is usually called faithfulness passes so quickly. Let this be your faithfulness: You will experience moments, fleeting moments, with the other person. The human being will appear to you then as if filled, irradiated with the archetype of his/her spirit. And then there may be, indeed will be, other moments, long periods of time when human beings are darkened. At such times, you will learn to say to yourself. ‘The spirit makes me strong. I remember the archetype, I saw it once. No illusion, no deception shall rob me of it.’ Always struggle for the image that you saw. This struggle is faithfulness. Striving thus for faithfulness you shall be close to one another as if endowed with the protective powers of angels.” -Rudolf Steiner

I think that perspective of cheerleading can also be seen as rooting for the other’s highest self, for what they’re capable of, at their best. So that part, yeah, I totally support.

The other part, though …

I have read all good the books about polyamory, I’ve been a proponent of The Ethical Slut and Opening Up by Taormino, I’m a big fan of Dan Savage who is constantly talking about how frequently monogamy fails, and I remain firm in the opinion that my significant, intimate partnering relationship should be open, but the degree of that openness, I’m still not really sure. In part, that’s where the other person comes in, but another part of me thinks that I am actually interested in a semi-monogamous relationship. Monogam-ish, as someone put it to me once.

I do believe in open relationships because, frankly, I’m a little bit of a slut. I have enough experience sexually to know that sex doesn’t actually have to mean anything, that it doesn’t have to necessitate a precursor to a relationship, that if I want to have sex with someone more than once, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to love them forever and shack up with them and share our lives intimately. And I don’t think that we, realistically, just stop feeling attracted to anyone else, ever, just because we’ve made a life-long commitment to another person. And that physical desire for someone else—or even intellectual or emotional desire—is not necessarily an indication of some deep-seated problem in the relationship.

I know it’s possible to be attracted to or interested in more than one person at the same time, and that one does not necessarily take away from the other. Most importantly, though, I recognize that just if or when I or my partner feels an attraction, I want us to be able to talk about that, to puzzle through it, to figure out if it’s important to go sleep with that person or if flirty coffee dates or making out is enough, or if it’s a temporary infatuation, or if it should become a bigger friendship.

Why do people cheat when they’re in a relationship? They cheat because they, ultimately, are feeling unfulfilled, sexually, emotionally, or otherwise. Because their relationship was sexually (or otherwise) incompatible from the beginning, but they made the decision to commit anyway, or because their relationship used to be sexually fulfilling, but isn’t anymore, because something changed (be it someone’s body, ability, health, sex drive, etc). This often leaves one person extremely unhappy and unfulfilled, while the other is guilty, apologetic, or withholding (or all of the above). But under the strict rules of monogamy, one can’t possibly go seek sex or comfort outside of the committed relationship without doing this awful, home-wrecking thing: cheating. Which is, according to most people, unforgivable.

But what about being so withholding as to not allow your partner their sexual fulfillment? How is that not the thing of which we are unforgiving?

And under the strict rules of relationships in this day and age, it isn’t just the monogamy that’s a problem: it’s the culture that de-emphasizes sex as not important, while simultaneously using it as the be-all end-all status symbol. Think about it: how many times have you heard someone complain that “the rest of the relationship is just fine!” And there’s “only” a problem with the sex part.

As if that was just this little, teeny piece.

Well, if you’re talking about a monogamous relationship, sex is pretty much the definition of what you are going to be doing with this person that you are going to avoid doing with every other person on the planet. And if you accept the premise that you are a sexual being and deserve to have your sexual needs fulfilled (though, I know, that’s a stretch for most folks), then by definition the key component of this monogamous relationship is to be sexually compatible.

But most of this stuff, for me personally, is theoretical-in-the-future. Because right now, my girlfriend and I are sexually compatible, are highly communicative about our needs (and continuing to practice and hone our communications skills), and very committed to both our sex life together and to our individual erotic fulfillment.

So we’re open.

But not because we want to sleep with other people. Well, threesomes, sure—we are both slutty enough and interested enough in interesting new sexcapades that doing sexual things together with other people is totally an option. And, sometimes, we have cashed in on that option, making dates with hot queers who, to our thrills, have agreed to come home with us.  We might be willing to play with other people at a party, and I have dreams of orchestrating a butch gang bang for her, where I just get to sit back and watch. Or maybe be the first and the last in a string of butches who get to take advantage of her.

But what about sex outside of this relationship, sex with another person on our own, without the other person there?

We’ve been talking about this, lately. From the beginning, we’ve claimed that we were open, and for a while that meant we could do whatever we wanted when we weren’t with each other, and we didn’t need to know about it. Then, as things got more serious between us, we decided we wanted to know, which (chicken or egg?) meant that neither of us were sleeping with anybody else.

But what does it mean now, a year and a half into our relationship? I guess we’re still working that out. By “regular” standards, we are open because most folks would consider things like threesomes or making out with another person potentially crossing the lines of monogamy. Oh yeah, and we have both attended erotic energy retreats, which others could (and have, for me) consider “cheating,” but which we are both fine with. And we are open because we are acknowledge that sexual desire for someone else can happen, and we should be able to talk about that, that desire for someone else doesn’t have to have repercussions within our own relationship,  and that sex can be fun and playful and, ultimately, meaningless.

As our lives become more entwined, though, and as we continue to be cheerleaders for more and more things in each other’s paths and trials and triumphs, from our sexual fulfillment to our careers to our emotional hurdles, we are less interested in other people. And playing with other people sexually, alone, without each other, just … doesn’t sound like much fun. We’ve both articulated that, recently. My sex life, at this point, has to do with her, and hers with me, and for a while anyway I want to be sure that she is a part of it.

For me personally, when I sleep with someone, I want to learn something. About myself, about the other person, about sex, about erotic energy exchange. For a long time, I was sleeping with people while looking for a person against which to form myself, I was looking for the particular magical orientation combination of femme-bottom-submissive to match up with my butch-top-dominant, while being in a person with whom I was also emotionally and politically compatible. Someone who would challenge me, someone who brought a lot to their side of the table, someone who took responsibility for their own shit. Someone that I could work on my own shit with, someone I could grow with, someone who will listen if I say, “I’m unhappy, and here’s why, and here’s what I think we should do about it.” Someone fierce, strong, capable.

If it sounds like a tall order, well … it is.

So for a while, I was just trying to find her. Searching and playing and refining what it was that I wanted by learning about what I didn’t want. And now that I’ve found someone like that, all I really want to do is play with her, in that delicious dynamic that I’ve been craving all this time. In our year and a half together we have already come to some fascinating new places in our sex life, and every time I find myself even remotely thinking that I’m bored or unfulfilled, I just quickly ask myself: well, what do you want? I bet whatever you ask for, she would be interested in doing it. And I quickly realize whatever momentary restlessness I felt was not about actually unfulfillment, but usually something else entirely. Usually something old of mine, rearing its ugly head.

And now that I have all of that, now that I have this relationship that continues to blossom and show me new things about myself, her, and the world, why would I go back to one night stands? I look back on my one-night stands, and even two- or three-night stands, and though they were fun, often a delight, they were also occasionally a disappointment. What would I learn, now, by sleeping with someone outside of my relationship?

I suppose it’s true that I am no longer looking for the be-all end-all package of my compatible girlfriend, so perhaps my standards for playful, casual are different, or should be. I think this is the question I should be asking myself: now that I have what I’ve wanted, and it basically works for me, what’s next? How do I continue to deepen my sense of self, my connection to erotic energy, and my connection to my girlfriend? What else can I—or do I want to—learn about sex?

Well, that’s a million dollar question. I will keep investigating.

Tight Places: A Drop of Color Twitter Porn Party & Giveaway

Garnet Joyce & I are hosting another Porn Party over on Twitter next week, September 8th, Wednesday, at 6pm PST / 9pm EST. Join us as we watch Tight Places: A Drop of Color and comment on it with the hashtag #pornparty.

If you’ll be watching along with us, let me (@mrsexsmith) or @garnetjoyce know, or use the hashtag, and we’ll be sure to mention you!

Here’s the description for the film, Tight Places: A Drop of Color, directed by Nenna:

Incite your senses with this hot and diverse new offering from Reel Queer Productions! Featuring the creative styling of new director Nenna and a luscious all people of color cast. Tight Places showcases true chemistry, solos to foursomes, unconventional sex, authentic female orgasms, female ejaculation, and even a few outdoor scenes! Lots of great extras, including commentary and interviews. 2010, 90 minutes.

What’s that? You don’t have a copy of this flick yet? Well you’re in luck: Good Vibrations is giving away two $30 gift cards that you can use to buy the DVD, video on demand minutes, or anything else you’d like from their store.

If you want to enter, leave a comment with a valid email address mentioning how you might use that thirty bucks, or some other comment entirely, and I’ll pick one winner at random on Wednesday morning, September 8th.

And stay tuned for more goodies the day of the party!

If you don’t win this one, don’t worry—Garnet is going to give away another $30 gift card during the porn party itself, so keep an eye on Twitter and the #pornparty hashtag next Wednesday night.

Review: Love Bumper Iceberg

The Love Bumper Iceberg was not as exciting as I expected. I don’t have any sex furniture, but it’s making a big splash out there in the sex toy marketplace these days, and so I figured eventually I’d get around to trying one of the ramps or wedges or whatever else they’re called.

Good Vibrations sent me this one to review. It showed up and sat on my bed for a while, its microfiber faux-suade cover attracting cat hair and dust like a magnet. And it was really hard to clean, since the material is kind of textured, so it catches things. Eventually I cleaned it thoroughly and put a pillowcase on it, which helped, but it looked less sexy and more like an odd-shaped hard throw pillow.

Still, we didn’t much use it. I left it out to be inspired to do so, but just wasn’t. It seemed awkward to try to grab and move her into a different position in order to try it out. I couldn’t really work it into the flow of things.

We did try it, once, eventually. And I found, sadly, that the dimensions are kind of off. I was hoping it’d lift her just a little when she’s on her stomach, but the height is just a little short for the length of my thighs, I think. So someone shorter than me might find it’s the perfect size for them. I’m not that tall, though, and considering it’s mostly marketed toward guys, and most guys are taller than me, I think that’s a bit of a design flaw. It measures 13 3/4″ x 13″ x 7 1/2″, but unless you can really pull it down and try out a few positions with yourself and your sweetie to see if it will be the right size for you, I kind of doubt you’ll be able to tell from the dimensions if it will work or not.

Then again, maybe this is just the small model, and it’s made to make you want to go out there and try the bigger sizes!

But did it inspire me to do that? No, not really. I’m not impressed enough with the option of “sex furniture” that I’m interested in comparing or investigating other products. Worth a try, I suppose, because perhaps I would have always wondered, but to be honest, I wasn’t all that curious in the first place. I do pretty well with positions and support, and when I find myself wanting, I can usually just grab a regular pillow, and we’re good to go.

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The Love Bumper Iceberg was sent to me from Good Vibrations for review. Check out more sex toys, vibrators, and other lovely items at your local feminist queer sex-positive sex toy shop, or online at goodvibes.com.

The Ongoing Quest to be Sexually Fulfilled

That’s where that whole online writing project (aka blog) of mine started, really: in an attempt to write myself into a better sex life, and into personal relationships about my own sexuality, gender identity and expression, and sustaining relationships. For the first three years, I was attempting to write myself into a long term, stable, sane relationship, in part because I wanted to have a better sex life and in part for all the rest of the good stuff that comes with intimacy, cohabitation, and love.

And now, I’ve found the girl I’ve been with for a year and a half, Kristen. And the longer we’re together, the longer it seems we’ll last.

So, now what? Is my quest for a fulfilled sex life over?

To some degree, yes—many of the problems and questions that plagued me as a single butch top, such as, “When am I going to get laid next?” and “Who’s it going to be with?” and “How do I know if she’ll be into what I’m into?” are no longer a factor. I love that I am with someone as open and eager to explore sex as I am, if not more so. I love that our sex drives are pretty well matched. I love that I am with someone whom I can try out new toys with (it was much harder to be a toy reviewer when I was solo, that’s for sure).

But that is not necessarily a recipe for perfect sexual compatibility, or ongoing sexual fulfillment. Note the key word there: ongoing. A sex life is just that—a LIFE—which means it happens every day. And like any other aspect of life, it is interwoven tightly with all sorts of other aspects, and can be different, feel different, or present unique new obstacles at any time.

How does one navigate fulfillment with all sorts of other things—bills, work, health, family, projects, friends—are also vying for attention? How do you keep the spark going?

Perhaps this relates to my theories around general relationship intelligence and the lack of depiction of many stable, sane, healthy relationships in the various storytelling arts. Most romantic comedies or dramas, for example, focus on the part of a relationship story where the couple is overcoming obstacles in order to begin their life together. At the beginning of the film, the couple is not together; the dramatic action focuses around their miscommunications, struggles, possibly sex, expectations, who called (or didn’t call) who, and who can get over their issues in order to fully embark on a committed monogamous relationship; then the end of the movie shows the couple, triumphant, and we are happy, having been rooting for them all along.

But we see very little of what happens next in the relationship. How the couple communicates, negotiates, reaches consensus, struggles, forgives, fights, and maintains a balance between their individual separate selves and their collective togetherness. So rare is a film where the couple is together at the beginning and the end, where the dramatic action centers around the relationship trials or the couple coming together to solve outside problems.

Without such good models of problem solving in long term relationships, and with such high divorce rates, meaning that for folks my age it is rather rare for our parents to still be together, or even to have an older couple in our lives as mentors, how can we be expected to have the relationship skills to sustain our own long term relationships?

And isn’t it similar with sex: when we are single, we expect getting into a relationship will fulfill our sexual needs. The smarter folks among us know that getting into a relationship isn’t quite enough, but that we need to get into a relationship with a person with whom we are sexually compatible. A subtle but key difference!

Yet still—life happens. Even if you find that special someone, there is still ongoing navigation to keeping it up and getting off. And sharing a life with someone means distractions, miscommunications, unforeseen occasional tragedies, and our ever-changing bodies and lives.

This is what I have been puzzling through in my own relationship, as we are increasingly sharing space and continually sharing our lives.

My relationship with Kristen started as almost purely sexual. She lived a few hours away from me, and worked in another state, and would come visit on weekends. She’d lived in New York City before and planned to move back, which is how we met in the first place. We spent whole weekends in bed, rarely leaving my apartment, rarely leaving my room except to eat and shower and rest our bodies. After she left, I would spend the whole week playing over and over the last weekend, often writing about what we’d done, how we’d played, and planning some new ways to play when she came back.

I would pounce on her as soon as she walked in the door. Already hard packing and waiting anxiously to feel her again. Not even letting her put her things away before shoving her up against something, so eager and grateful to have someone who let me play with dominance, someone who was open to play.

It was erotic, connected, passionate, heated sex, full of longing and relief and release. Plus, we continued falling in love, discovering all the ways we enjoyed each other’s company outside of the bedroom.

It’s easy to look back and see the bliss, but equally present was the ache of longing, the fear of the fragility of a new relationship, those days when we would have given anything to come home to each other, all the fetishizing and idealizing of a shared domesticity. I brush over those feelings now because that wish was granted, I no longer have to long to share other parts of my life with her, as our lives are increasingly entwined.

Now we have the new obstacles of sustainment: Am I getting what I want in bed, in this relationship? Are we having sex often enough for me? Are we having the kind of sex I want, or am I longing for something else, something new? How do I ask for more, or different, sex? How do we keep the spark of eroticism, passion, longing, and eagerness when we are available to each other, in so many ways, constantly? How do we keep it fresh and new when we’re willing to do, and have done, so much experimenting already?

Maybe this sounds like a trite problem, especially to those who don’t have partners, don’t get laid, or don’t prioritize sex as a serious hobby the way Kristen and I do, but I suspect many people in reasonably satisfied relationships ask these questions at some point or another.

I’m sure all of our relationships have a unique set of circumstances behind these questions. For me, it seems to be that my girlfriend would like to have sex more often than we do, and in part because of our dynamic and the sexual roles we like to play with of Daddy/girl and domination/submission, she has a hard time asking for more. She feels greedy and unwarranted. I know I also have a hard time allowing myself to be seduced, so even when she does feel bold enough to make her desires clear, I don’t always respond with what she wants. I adore our dynamics and they are a key important part of this relationship, roles I have been eager to explore for years and I am grateful to do so. But precisely those dynamics erase my own desire for the chase, since she is constantly available to me, sometimes my desire runs a little low. I crave some denial, something to conquer, something to come up against in order to create friction.

We have discussed this; and of course I don’t want her denying me just for the sake of denying me, of turning me down when what she’s really interested in is playing, but we are still working out the details of dynamics we have chosen.

I’m pretty confident that we’ll figure this out, but I’m not exactly sure how. For now, we’re talking about it (though hopefully not too much), being open with each other, being honest about where we’re both at and what we want, and of course, working on our own shit in therapy. Every relationship is complicated. Every relationship has triumphs, low points, complications. I don’t know how things will get resolved, but things are improving, we are talking well to each other, still having great sex, and enjoying each other.

Really, does it get any better than that?

This post first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Review: The G-Ki G-Spot Vibrator

I don’t usually go for vibrators. I have my magical masturbation toy combination all figured out, and most other vibes pale compared to the Hitachi. I’ve tried lots of the fancy-schmancy ones that are all the rage these days, and I just don’t like them very much. I don’t really want to read a manual to figure out how to use it. I just want an “on” button.

Despite all my reservations, I wanted to give the G-Ki G-Spot Vibrator a try. Mostly because I thought, hey, that might be my two favorite products combined into one!

Turns out that was wishful thinking. It’s very pretty, and sleek, and I can see liking it if I liked vibrators. I like that it has some movement in the neck that can be angled any which way. It’s not one of those vibes like the Sasi which you have to understand complicated astrophysics in order to operate, the controls are pretty simple, but still strong.

Still, my reaction is like my reaction to most vibrators: “eh.” Nothing particularly impressive. Interesting design, perhaps, yes, and enough so that I picked it up to try, but not enough so to pick up again. Unless you’re someone who likes subtler vibration, I’d say save your money for a Hitachi or a Pure Wand.

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The G-Ki G-Spot Vibrator was sent to me from Good Vibrations for review. Check out more sex toys, vibrators, and other lovely items at your local feminist queer sex-positive sex toy shop, or online at goodvibes.com.

My Ultimate Masturbation Toys

Since it is National Masturbation Month and all, and while I’m not participating in the Masturbate-a-Thon or creating my own ritual like Curvaceous Dee‘s Wankfest, I figured I’d still up the masturbation talk a bit.

Maybe it’s the (perceived or real) body and gender dysphoria, but most of the butches I know—even those who write sex blogs—don’t write about masturbation often, if ever. Including me.

After years and years of getting myself off, I’ve tried many dozens of toys. My favorite early on was the basic little silver bullet (I used to go through one or two of those a year), but they are only about $15, so they are worth an annual investment.

It took a while for me to upgrade to a Hitachi. It’s pretty intimidating, regardless of how sensitive you are, and very intense. The thing plugs into the wall, for goodness sake. I (and many others) often joke that you have to rev it up like a chainsaw. Yeah, the thing is intense, but that’s because it doesn’t fuck around. It is serious vibration, serious power.

And I love it.

I do get off without it, sometimes, but I prefer to use it. I come harder and quicker with it, and it gives a bigger release. I know some folks claim that it dulls one’s sensitivity over time, and I’m not sure what I think about that argument. I know I’ve been using it for years and it hasn’t dulled my sensations, as far as I can tell. Nothing permanent or irreparable, certainly. It does seem like when I’m using it frequently (I have had some patches in my life where masturbation has been more frequent than others), it’s harder to get off other ways. But that seems to quickly change if or when I take a break.

The thing about the Hitachi, though, is that it comes with this plain white “head,” this porous, non-sterilizable material that just begs to be replaced. If you love your vibration to also be insertable, you want to go with something like the Gee Whiz attachment, but me, I just want it to be silicone, and a little added texture is a nice bonus. For that, you need the Off With Your Head attachment.

At this point, that attachment is practically a requirement. If I ever got someone a Hitachi as a gift, I’d include one of those—it just seems not quite done or dressed or ready without it. One side has a little pinched vertical ridge, the other side has multiple horizontal ridges, and one of those is bound to be just the extra bit of stimulation that will go perfectly with your vroom vroom motorcycle vibration.

If you, like me, like something inside sometimes, there is nothing like The Pure Wand. Pure polished stainless steel, 1.51 pounds (POUNDS), eight inches long by 1.5″ at the thicker end and 1″ at the thinner end, and with a perfect g-spot curve. It tends to be pretty cool to the touch, adopting the room’s temperature, unless you warm it up first, which is another delicious side effect, that your body temperature warms it up and it feels different on the way out.

You might think the Pure Wand just isn’t quite big enough, you size queens you, but in my experience folks who like to feel full or filled up often are trying to get their g-spot hit, and this does a beautiful job of that. Perhaps you might need to upgrade to the Eleven, if you can afford it (I’m still trying to get my hands on one of those. Anybody? I should offer something special in exchange for the opportunity to have my own to review …), though I have heard from folks who have both that they prefer the Pure Wand. I’ll have to report back to you on that one in the future.

So there you’ve got it: my three favorite masturbation toys. The Hitachi + Off With Your Head Attachment + The Pure Wand. If there’s a better combination for a lovely afternoon, lounging around on my bed and lovin’ on myself for a while, I don’t know what it is.

Buy the Hitachi: at Babeland, at Good Vibrations, or at the Stockroom
Buy the Off With Your Head Attachment: at Babeland, at Good Vibrations, or at the Stockroom
Buy the Pure Wand: at Babeland, at Good Vibrations, or at the Stockroom

May is National Masturbation Month

I don’t even know what to add to this … I’ve never participated, as someone who took pledges, though that sure would be fun. Anybody out there going to take part?

From the Good Vibrations press release:

buy kamagraes.com/?kbid=34272&m=24&i=107″>Good Vibrations, for 33 years America’s trusted purveyor of sexual knowledge and quality products for women (and everyone else), says, “It’s National Masturbation Month! Give yourself a hand! Or a vibrator, or something else stimulating, and don’t forget the lube!”

Good Vibes founded National Masturbation Month in 1995 in the wake of the controversy surrounding the firing of former Clinton administration Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who evoked conservative wrath when she opined that discussion of masturbation might have a place in sex education curricula. Realizing that one simple, sensible mention of solo pleasuring was enough to lose this prominent woman, the country’s first African-American surgeon general, her job convinced Good Vibrations staff that this most basic and accessible form of sex needed a serious image boost.

Some things have changed since 1995, but National Masturbation Month is still a necessary reminder that self-satisfaction is a healthy, accessible form of pleasure engaged in by almost everyone, of every gender and relationship status, at some time of (or throughout) their lives: It’s relaxing, allows people to learn more about their own sexual response, is a basic recommendation of sex therapists that can help people with many different sexual concerns, relieves menstrual cramps, and helps keep the genitals fully functional. On top of that, it’s the safest form of sex a person can have.

“Too many people still feel uncomfortable about masturbation and guilty about doing it,” says Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D., one of the originators of the National Masturbation Month concept. “If only so much of US culture were not so burdened with ideas that masturbation is shameful, a sin or a poor second choice to partner sex.

GV also created and promoted the Masturbate-a-Thon, a charity event that encourages people to get pledges from their friends and raise funds via masturbation. (This event was celebrated privately by individuals; it has since morphed into a public event, not conducted by Good Vibes, that raises funds for the Center for Sex & Culture, and Masturbate-a-Thons are also held in other parts of the country and world – the other largest one is an annual event in Copenhagen. For more, see www.masturbate-a-thon.com.)

Most importantly, however, Good Vibrations continues to celebrate masturbation as we have always done: as each individual’s birthright, and as a basic pleasure that is the foundation for our other sexual experience. Visit Good Vibrations for information (in books, videos, and from our trained Sex Educator Sales Associate staff members), pleasure products of all kinds (vibrators, dildos, and of course lubricants), and inspiration (erotic books and movies). Whether shared with a partner or kept as a solo secret, self-love is accessible to, and good for, everyone.

Review: Moon Glass Plug, and How We Played With It

This, my friends and readers, is the Moon Glass Plug from Good Vibrations, and it is beautiful.

Can’t you tell already, just by looking at it? That blown glass with the gentle blue coming through it? (Maybe that’s just me. I do have a thing for blue glass. If I had it my way, all of my dishes would be blue glass.)

The other night, when Kristen and I were playing, I had her on her stomach in front of me, her chest down on the bed but her knees under her, ass up. We’d already been fucking for a while, she’d come three or four or eight times, who can keep track, and I slid my cock in from behind her while lubing up my fingers. For a while I just touched her asshole gently on the outside, I could feel her relaxing and starting to enjoy the feeling, opening up a little, pushing back against my finger and cock. I had the Moon Glass Plug out, ready to use, and touched it too against her asshole, but she wasn’t really ready for it, so I started with my fingers instead.

“Put your fingers on your clit,” I said.

She did, brought her hand down between her legs. I started sliding my finger into her asshole, just a little, really only knuckle-deep, just so she could feel it for a while. But it didn’t take long before she was getting all hot and squirming against me, bucking her hips harder, and I worked my finger a little faster in her ass, not deeper, just faster, which she liked, oh I could tell she liked it right away. I’m not sure what she did exactly, moaned maybe, or just responded physically in a way that was clear that was it, right there, perfect.

I noticed I’d kind of stopped moving my cock, so tried to get my hips going while she continued to work herself up. Now, this is a girl who can come by her own fingers in mere moments, so that it was taking much time at all was telling in that she must’ve been very worked up. I could feel her clenching hard on my cock, so hard in fact that she started to push me out, clenching her ass too, hand moving faster, gasping, as she came, hard.

So hard, in fact, that she ejaculated, gushed all over my cock and thighs. I silently thanked my Liberator Throe, and out loud, groaned. “That was so damn hot.”

I moved forward up to the pillow to hold her closer and kiss her for a while. She asked if I’d used the glass. “No,” I said, “that was my finger, just a little of it. Do you want to try it yourself?”

She took it from me and slowly worked it into her ass. For a while she said, “it’s too big, it’s too big!” but didn’t want to give up, and was certain she could do it if she moved slowly. I stayed next to her as she took the whole thing, finally, then brought her hands down to her cunt again to get off a few more times.

I told her I wanted to watch for a while, asked if she wanted my help.

“No,” she said. But then, later: “Lay on top of me?”

She likes the weight, holding her down. I spread my forearm across her breastbone and kissed her, my body slightly lifted from hers as she continued to work her hands between her legs. I like to watch the way her body gets all tense, then releasing as she comes.

I like to watch in general.

She came again, once nice and hard, then another for good measure, collapsing onto the bed. It took a little more work to get the plug out of her ass, since it’s pretty thick and spherical in the middle and has that skinny little neck before it flares to a plug. It’s only 3 1/4” long x 1 3/8” wide, but the shape makes a difference, and even makes it feel more thick than it actually is (though it is pretty thick).

And it’s gorgeous. Did I mention that it’s gorgeous? The most beautiful butt plug I own, though I don’t know if I usually describe them as “beautiful,” so perhaps that’s easy. The glass is smooth and hard, and very simple to clean. I haven’t tried it myself yet, but since it’s easily sterilizable, I will be. And I’m looking forward to seeing it in her ass again, too.

The beautiful Moon Glass Plug was sent to me for review by Good Vibrations. Get your own, or a different butt plug, or many other fabulous sex toys over at the Good Vibes website.

Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven (DVD)

Good Releasing Presents Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out by Courtney Trouble at GoodVibes.comOn Friday, Kristen and I sat down to watch No Fauxxx‘s latest DVD from Reel Queer Productions, Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out. And we decided to “live tweet” our reactions – so we were updating my Twittering account as we were watching.

(When comments are in italics, that’s someone else making a comment directed at me.)

  • watching @nofauxxx’s seven minutes in heaven with kristen. we’ll be live-tweeting our reactions.
  • “hi, I’m carson …” oh yes. we know. #livetweetingporn
  • “she’s cute” – kristen, about joline parton #livetweetingporn
  • mmm we both like the black dress with polkadots. “I’ve got a carson crush.” – kristen #livetweeting porn
  • first scene: nice black gloves & slapping. #livetweetingporn
  • @TeresaIkard: @mrsexsmith @nofauxxx’s Seven Minutes in Heaven was filmed in my flat and I still haven’t seen the hotness. Porn party soon at my house :)
  • @TheresaIkard kicked out of your own apartment! how rude. #livetweetingporn
  • @TeresaIkard: @mrsexsmith I was there but @courtneytrouble is great at respecting performers that some scenes were closed. She takes care of them well!
  • whoa I dig carson’s top. and that redhead is cuuute! #livetweetingporn
  • @audaciaray: @mrsexsmith ok, I love my job, but feel slightly jealous of watching hot queer porn in the middle of the day
  • @audaciaray I have a hunch you’ve had more than your share of watching good queer porn in the middle of the day
  • “who’s that?” (ie: who’s ass is that?) “that’s the redhead.” “ooh, nice.” still into the redhead. also, great music! #livetweetingporn
  • “I want to see her come! I bet it’ll be pretty.” – kristen #livetweetingporn
  • oh, yuck, they’re smoking. definitely a turnoff. #livetweetingporn
  • “I’ll show you my cocks.” – puck goodfellow. hahahah yes please! oohh very nice collection! #livetweetingporn
  • oh damn what harness does puck have?? @courtneytrouble help! #livetweetingporn
  • @courtneytrouble: @mrsexsmith as for puck’s amazing harness, i don’t know where/what it is… maybe its even custom?
  • “oh she’s got a whip now does she? okay … well then … ” – kristen, about carson #livetweetingporn
  • damn who’s that moaning in the background? also, carson is good with the dirty talk & instructions. #livetweetingporn
  • I like carson’s jaguar harness, very hot. “am I doing good?” – puck, aw sweet. #livetweetingporn
  • @courtneytrouble do you have a list of cocks used in this somewhere? can’t quite tell … #livetweetingporn
  • shoot, music swells & can’t hear what they’re saying. love the dirty talk in carson’s scene, kind of hard to find on film! #livetweetingporn
  • “oh my god she’s so hot.” – kristen, about carson. “somebody’s getting off in the other room, a lot!” #livetweetingporn
  • love the blue curtains in the bedroom! & the mirror, pretty. @theresaikard #livetweetingporn
  • carson + joline parton. yes I’ve been waiting for this scene. you can just tell joline is a good submissive/bottom. #livetweetingporn
  • (“hold on, I have to check my work email.” – kristen) #livetweetingporn
  • niiiice pink flush on joline’s ass & cheeks. “look how cute she is!” – kristen #livetweetingporn
  • @jolenestarshine: Watching @mrsexsmith livetweet about 7MiH, and about me especially, is VERY surreal. Thanks for the compliments!!!
  • @jolenestarshine oh! you’re on twitter! now I’m embarrassed. hi. #livetweetingporn
  • gagged (with a washcloth?) … with a lelo in the bathtub … left her boots on … damn. #livetweetingporn
  • “I wouldn’t leave that in my mouth if it were me. but oh I’m not a bottom.” – me #livetweetingporn
  • oh it’s not a washcloth, it’s her panties! (duh) #livetweetingporn
  • are those vampire gloves on tina horn? ow. also, how’d joline get those awesome marks?? #livetweetingporn
  • mmm very nice flogger work, & flogging mini-lesson, by tina horn, I like that inclusion. #livetweetingporn
  • a little truth-or-dare with the whole cast … looks like they’re having fun #livetweetingporn
  • I really like @jolenestarshine’s cute laugh & smile in this truth or dare scene. #livetweetingporn
  • whoa … I think this is about to turn into a gang bang … three cocks out … “this is good.” – kristen #livetweetingporn
  • sarah lee sinful looks HOT with that cock on. #livetweetingporn
  • puck goodfellow is using mr. bendy/silky! VERY NICE. #livetweetingporn
  • “oh this is great!” – kristen “yeah but somebody should put their cock in her mouth … ” – me #livetweetingporn
  • we both got a bit distracted by the finale – “I want to wear a strap on or get fucked by a strap on.” #livetweetingporn

Highlights of the live Tweeting included: Theresa mentioning that the film was filmed in her apartment, discovering that Jolene, the hot redhead Kristen & I kept mentioning, is on Twitter and was reading us as we live-tweeted, and Courtney Trouble‘s comment at the end: “and thats not even the finale!” Oh. Oops. It kind of was the finale for us, we got a bit … um, distracted.

The last scene, though, that we definitely paid attention to, was Carson and Tina Horn. I loved how they got a bit rough and tumble with each other … definitely seemed like two tops goin’ at it.

Can you tell that Carson kind of stole the show?

Photo from CourtneyTrouble.com; see more photos from the 7MiH shoot there
Photo from CourtneyTrouble.com; see more photos from 7MiH

All that running commentary doesn’t really tell you that much about the film, though, does it. Well, here’s the premise:

Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film. Award-winning director Courtney Trouble invites 7 diverse, fresh-faced performers to a kinky slumber-party for fun and games… only tonight there are no rules, no limits and no bedtime! The amateur cast picks their own partners, their own sex toys and their own ways of getting off. Spin the Bottle inspires an unscripted fuck-fest and first-time fantasies come true during a Truth or Dare strap-on sex scene. With honest video confessions, authentic orgasms and natural bodies, Seven Minutes in Heaven is the real queer deal.

Cast: Carson, Puck Goodfellow, Joline Parton, Sophia, Tina Horn, Sarah Lee Sinful, Jae

And here’s the trailer:

That should tell you all you need to know.

Buy Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out by director Courtney Trouble from Good Vibrations, or through your local feminist, queer, sex-positive sex toy shop. This DVD was provided to Sugarbutch Chronicles directly from Good Vibrations for review purposes.


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Review: Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco

real-sex-sf-211x300I’m not sure how it happened actually, but somewhere in the last few months I started updating my Twitter account with thoughts when I was watching porn to review. That’s aka “live-tweeting porn.”

A month or so ago, I finally got the Video On Demand on Good Vibes to work, and sat down to check out Madison Young’s Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco, and tweeted throughout. Many other folks on twitter chimed in with their thoughts on the film, and on some lesbian sex tips in general (like, what’s with that twisty hand thing? How come there’s no fisting on DVDs?), and what kind of toys they’re using in this episode.

Lots of the San Francisco queer porn stars are on Twitter, too, so a few times Jiz Lee (@jezinyoureye) and Syd Blakovich (@SydBlakovich) jumped in to add some thoughts about their scene (“@SydBlakovich ps. it is really hard to fuck on a massage table.”)

Here’s a transcript of the Twitter stream as I was watching the film.  If you aren’t familiar with Twitter: the first @____ is the person who is writing this, the second @___ (if there is one) is the person to whom they are directing that writing. Photos were borrowed from Alpine SubDreams’s Lesbian Life review, thanks!

Foreplay ….

SCENE ONE: Jiz Lee (@jezinyoureye) & Lorelei Lee

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  • @mrsexsmith jiz lee is impressive on the [playground] rings.
  • @EssinEm @mrsexsmith I totally went to that park/playground when I was there!!
  • @mrsexsmith @EssinEm it’s a loooooong park scene. still going on. I’m not that into it. oh wait … lorelei lee just bent over … getting better now ..
  • @hotmovies4her @mrsexsmith Are you watching Lesbian Life – Real Sex SF? haha, I JUST reviewed Scene 3 for tomorrow. it is so so so hot!
  • @mrsexsmith @hotmovies4her yes! I’m still in scene 1 … i’ll look forward to 3 then.

SCENE TWO: Syd Blakovich (@SydBlakovich) & Lorelei Lee

  • @mrsexsmith oh I dig this scene in the bike shop. way hot. STILL no cocks though!
  • @jezinyoureye @mrsexsmith LesbianLife:Real Sex SF cocks in scene 3 (johnny used by @SydBlakovich on Carson) & scene 4 (buck used by me on Dylan Ryan)
  • @mrsexsmith reason #1 why the bike shop is more hot than the park scene: lorelei can make more noise. love the way she whimpers.
  • @mrsexsmith @jezinyoureye YES! good cocks too. yummm.
  • @mrsexsmith holy hell! – four fingers in and HARD too. fuck fuck this is great!
  • @mrsexsmith lorelei has left her red high heels on. mmmm that is my kinda girl.
  • @SydBlakovich @hotmoviesforher & @mrsexsmith glad u like it! Took me a sec to get the grease and cum off of me.
  • @jezinyoureye @hotmoviesforher @mrsexsmith those were my coveralls; @SydBlakovich returned them to me with grease & cum all over them.
  • @mrsexsmith @jezinyoureye :O how rude! hope you took it out on @sydblackovich ‘s ass
  • @EssinEm @jezinyoureye Oh, how awful
  • @SydBlakovich @jezinyoureye whatever u have her cum all over ur face anyways, I was just helping u match.
  • @mrsexsmith @SydBlakovich ohh and here you are doing a bit of primping, getting the grease & cum off. fucking HOT.
  • @jezinyoureye @mrsexsmith Too bad we’re cant show fisting in porn DVDs. We can online though — all the folks in LesbianLife are on CPS, and we fist. :D
  • @EssinEm @jezinyoureye New goal (in addition to everything else on my list): come back to CPS and get fisted.
  • @mrsexsmith @jezinyoureye !! I didn’t know that! though I have suspected. I do know your CPS work well :)
  • @jezinyoureye @mrsexsmith If I had a nickel for every time a queer person was surprised to hear that fisting is not allowed
  • @jezinyoureye @mrsexsmith … I’d buy out the industry and allow fisting for all.
  • @mrsexsmith @jezinyoureye oh I like that plan! i’ll gladly throw in a nickel. who makes these rules?
  • @pazenlavida @mrsexsmith this episode of frontline explains why you can’t fist on dvd’s. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/
  • @SydBlakovich Check out episode 89. Lorelei and I do an interview. http://www.blowfish.com/radio/

SCENE THREE: Syd Blakovich (@SydBlakovich)  & Carson

real-sex-scene-3-300x169

  • @SydBlakovich ps. it is really hard to fuck on a massage table.
  • @mrsexsmith @SydBlakovich I bet, but you pull it off like it’s nuthin. what harness is that??
  • @SydBlakovich @mrsexsmith I think it was the cloth version of the terra firma but u can take any jock style cloth harness and remove the backing piece.
  • @mrsexsmith great music in this tattoo parlor scene. great music in every scene so far, actually.
  • @mrsexsmith um. omg. blow job. with the johnny. fuck that’s impressive.
  • @mrsexsmith did I mention that I’m watching Lesbian Life in San Francisco via @GoodVibesSF VOD? they’ve got some great flicks available to download.
  • @mrsexsmith dykes often do that twisty thing with their fingers/hands when finger fucking in porn. for me & lovers that has been uncomfortable. thoughts?
  • @EssinEm @mrsexsmith What twisty thing?
  • @mrsexsmith @EssinEm twisting your hand over, basically. ouch.
  • @bailar_vivir @mrsexsmith The twisty maneuver is painful when performed on me. Yoikes!
  • @dolphyngyrl @mrsexsmith I’d have to see what you’re talking about, exactly, but the twist thing can help open things up.
  • @dolphyngyrl @mrsexsmith con’t: The point is getting more in as you twist.
  • @evilgrrlevilgrrl @mrsexsmith – Do the twisty thing SLOWLY and gently at first with LOTS of lube.
  • @EssinEm @mrsexsmith Oh. I like that usually, with enough lube.
  • @aisforalisha @mrsexsmith I was thinking about that the other day.. I’ve never done it, but was curious..
  • @mrsexsmith @aisforalisha well @essinem says it’s good with enough lube – which is a good point. enough lube and any friction is good friction.
  • @Weebeasty @mrsexsmith That always leaves me really sore but not in a good way.
  • @EssinEm @mrsexsmith But I think I’d prefer to just be fucked very very hard.
  • @bailar_vivir @EssinEm I wish being fucked very very hard didnt hurt in a bad way… sounds awesome! :(
  • @mrsexsmith re: the twisty thing: @dolphyngyrl “it can open things up” and @evilgrrl “slowly/gently with lots of lube.” Hmmmmmm

SCENE FOUR: Dylan Rion & Jiz Lee (@jezinyoureye)

  • @mrsexsmith oh, dylan rion and your signature blow job earrings.
    @mrsexsmith aww @jezinyoureye brought a rose! aren’t you sweet.
  • @mrsexsmith ooh @jezinyoureye is wearing my favorite cock (and the white jaguar harness?) and mmmmm dylan’s mouth is on it. that is delicious.
  • @mrsexsmith four fingers and dylan rion is making beautiful noises. ohmygodYES.
  • @mrsexsmith blow job on glass? (or maybe it’s acrylic?) makes me a bit too conscious of teeth.
  • @jezinyoureye Not so much a BJ — we were just licking off the cum.
  • @mrsexsmith and that was the last scene of Lesbian Life in San Francisco, brought to me by @GoodVibesSF … uh, anything else I should watch from there?

Review: Simply Sexy Leather Harness

The reviews for toys that I loved aren’t a problem – I just write, hey, I loved this, and here’s why (with lots of detail).

The reviews for toys I didn’t like are so much harder. For one, I always feel that I didn’t adequately give the toy a chance, and if I just used it better, differently, again, warmed up to it, then I’d like it. Or, at least, I’d see it’s full purpose and write huh, it’s really good for this and this function, but that’s not a function I’ve ever needed or have ever anticipated reading.

gv_harness1But, nonetheless, I try to report what it was like for me to use any given toy, my observations, how I think it would be useful and how it didn’t work for me, with the hopes that it is a lot of data and not as much opinion, so you can make your own decision.

So, given all that:

Good Vibrations sent me the Simply Sexy Leather Harness, a one-strap harness with leather straps and a leather panel behind interchangeable O-rings. And I was not impressed. Let me tell you why:

  • The back piece is too big and thick, and felt, when I had it on, like I was wearing underwear or a shield (which perhaps some people would like, but I don’t)
  • The O-ring is a problem. A big one. Because of the way it attaches with small leather straps to the back piece, there is very little room under the O-ring. This means cocks with a particularly thick base (like, say, oh, the Silky, which I think we all know is my cock 75% of the time) does not fit. At all. Making the harness practically useless to me.
  • Okay, so maybe I can use it for another cock, right? This is what I was thinking. Just because it is a no-Silky-zone doesn’t make it useless. But no: aside from Silky, my next go-to cocks are much larger in girth and need a larger O-ring. This harness’s O-rings are interchangeable, so I just get out a bigger one, right? No … the same O-ring problem again. The straps that hold the O-rings attach to the leather triangle backing at a fixed distance, not to the harness straps themselves, and it is near impossible to fit a 2″ O-ring comfortably. It will fit, but it doesn’t sit right and it isn’t tight enough or comfortable. It also feels like it’s going to snap off.
  • The straps are also a slight problem. The center between-the-legs strap is nylon, but hte around-the-waist straps are leather, and very hard to tighten or loosen as needed. Maybe that’s a good thing really – once you get them where you want them, they won’t move – but as a packing harness, where I don’t want it biting into my hips all night but I want to be able to tighten and go when I’m ready, it wouldn’t work.

It is rare to find a solid one-strap, and I do like those; I also like the combination of leather and nylon, and I like that the O-rings are interchangeable. I had high hopes for this Simply Sexy Leather Harness but I can’t imagine it being useful – especially not when I have harnesses like the Jaguar, the Barely There, and the Joque in my sex toy arsenal. And this is not to say that Good Vibrations doesn’t have other fabulous harnesses to buy, too … it’s worth checking out what they’ve got available, they’re a great feminist sex-positive sex toy store.