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Hey! I’m Sinclair. Welcome to Sugarbutch Chronicles

This is the personal online writing project of Sinclair Sexsmith, feminist dominant, identity theorist, strap-on expert, and poet.

Here you will find writings from my personal and professional musings since 2006. This site chronicles my process of leaving a “bed death” relationship, coming to a butch top identity, dating femmes and the butch/femme culture, coming in to my own cock confidence, evolving into a deeper dominance and increasing interest in power dynamics, and most recently moving from New York City to the San Francisco Bay Area’s Oakland.

My not-so-secret goals are: to encourage everybody to have better sex, more confidence, and more fulfilling relationships.

I believe labels can be difficult and hurtful, but identity can be empowering and liberating. I think we all want to belong, to find our lineage, to be part of something bigger than ourselves. The tools I elaborate on within the writings of Sugarbutch are my best ideas for how I’ve reached my own identity places (fluid or not), and the best things I’ve used to come home to myself. Sometimes those tools are books, or music, or films; sometimes they are sex toys or schools of thought.

Currently, I travel in the spring and fall to teach workshops all over the US, I write here on Sugarbutch and elsewhere, and I meet one-on-one with people to help them through their own sexuality experiments and gender puzzles.

 

Dirty Stories

You're Fucking Mine: from the unpublished dirty faggot archives

You’re Fucking Mine: from the unpublished dirty faggot archives

From one of the early dates with the boy. The story contains some sensual knife play. This is how it began. Two... more

Counting Down

Counting Down

"Come, now. Do it for me." He quivers under me: hips splayed open, on his stomach, lower back curled so... more

How I make my boy do the dishes

How I make my boy do the dishes

We've been working on discipline and service over in the Submissive Playground course, so I've been thinking a lot about... more

Essays

To All the Tops Who Are Afraid to Make a Move

To All the Tops Who Are Afraid to Make a Move

One of my biggest challenges as a top—and as a feminist dominant, and as someone who is well versed in... more

Is genderqueer (or butch) a stepping stone to transitioning?

Is genderqueer (or butch) a stepping stone to transitioning?

It is definitely true that I don't have investment in being seen and treated as male, but I DO have... more

Resiliance and Rebuilding: 2013 in Books, Music, and Writings on Sugarbutch

Resiliance and Rebuilding: 2013 in Books, Music, and Writings on Sugarbutch

Top Writings on Sugarbutch from 2013 In order, from most read to least, these are the writings on Sugarbutch from 2013.... more

Questions from readers, answered by me

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I struggle with my feminist beliefs and my bedroom preferences  ... help!

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I struggle with my feminist beliefs and my bedroom preferences … help!

Dear Mr. Sexsmith, I am a strong, opinionated, sometimes bossy, lesbian. I have a huge passion for the empowerment, education... more

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: How Do I Use My Girlfriend for My Pleasure?

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: How Do I Use My Girlfriend for My Pleasure?

Dear Mr. Sexsmith, My butch girlfriend wants me to boss her around in bed. She wants me to think of it... more

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: Didn't you mention a marketing or business ecourse recently?

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: Didn’t you mention a marketing or business ecourse recently?

Dear Mr. Sexsmith, This is a terribly mundane and sadly unsexy question but I swear I saw you post a... more

Most recent

Treehouse Poem

Treehouse Poem

soundtrack for this poem Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in sunny states like California and Texas... more

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I struggle with my feminist beliefs and my bedroom preferences  ... help!

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I struggle with my feminist beliefs and my bedroom preferences … help!

Dear Mr. Sexsmith, I am a strong, opinionated, sometimes bossy, lesbian. I have a huge passion for the empowerment, education... more

Vulnerability is a challenge

Protected: Vulnerability is a challenge

This journal entry is password protected. Join the mailing list to get the password. Oh hey there! I don't ever forget... more