Hey! I’m Sinclair. This is Sugarbutch.

I’m a feminist dominant, identity theorist, strap-on expert, and poet.
Sugarbutch is my personal online writing project.

Here you will find writings from my personal and professional musings since 2006.

This site chronicles my process of leaving a “bed death” relationship, coming to a butch top identity; dating femmes and the butch/femme culture; coming in to my own cock confidence; evolving into a deeper dominance and increasing interest in power dynamics; spirit, energy, and embodiment; teaching and traveling to facilitate workshops; and, since 2013, settling in San Francisco Bay Area’s Oakland.

Sugarbutch is my full-time job. I write here on Sugarbutch, elsewhere online, and sometimes my stories and essays are in books, I travel in the spring and fall to teach workshops all over the US, and I meet one-on-one with people to help them through their own sexuality experiments and gender puzzles.

I like the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself when referring to me in the third person.

Want to know some more about me?

 

Here’s some recent writing to get you started.

Dirty Stories

Leather: A Dirty Story in Photos

Leather: A Dirty Story in Photos

A few weeks ago, photographer Shilo McCabe came over to take some shots of rife and I in our "natural... more

I need you to take a little more for me.

I need you to take a little more for me.

Content warning: This story contains bondage and Daddy/boy language, with some language around force and ownership. Read it at your... more

Daddy's Good Boy

Daddy’s Good Boy

Content warning: This story contains Daddy/boy play, rough sex, spanking, and some woo about energy. Proceed at your own risk.... more

Essays

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

For a little more than three years, I’ve been using they/them/theirs/themself pronouns. Notice that I’m avoiding saying that I “prefer”... more

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

I’ve been teaching strap-on workshops for about six years now, and I’ve been strapping on for about fifteen. I also... more

Do rough sex fantasies compromise your sex-positive ethics?

Do rough sex fantasies compromise your sex-positive ethics?

This new essay is also the introduction to my new book, Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut, available... more

Questions from readers, answered by me

Is psychological kink play

Is psychological kink play “healthy”?

Recently, I've noticed quite a few questions—both in the Submissive Playground course and in the Ask Me Anything box—concerning kink,... more

Bored Kinkster Blues

Bored Kinkster Blues

You’ve been an out and proud kinkster—a submissive, let’s say—for years and years. You’ve done all the things. You’ve tried... more

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I'm a sub, but my partner is not a dom. What do I do?

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I’m a sub, but my partner is not a dom. What do I do?

This question comes from Marie: "My partner and I have come to a difficult place in our relationship. I have long... more

Most recent

“I wish I could show you … the astonishing light of your own being.”

I read so many things about queer folks and trans folks and genderqueer folks about dating and sex and how... more

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

For a little more than three years, I’ve been using they/them/theirs/themself pronouns. Notice that I’m avoiding saying that I “prefer”... more

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

I’ve been teaching strap-on workshops for about six years now, and I’ve been strapping on for about fifteen. I also... more