Archive for essays

Long Live the Butch: Leslie Feinberg & the Trans Day of Remembrance

Long Live the Butch: Leslie Feinberg & the Trans Day of Remembrance

11/20/2014  |  2 Comments

I sit in shock at my desk, though I knew it was coming, knew Leslie Feinberg was sick, and know... more

The Four Topping Stages

The Four Topping Stages

10/30/2014  |  1 Comment

hen I started topping, I was self-conscious, nervous, easily crushed, and full of bravado and swagger. (I'd like to think... more

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

10/09/2014  |  15 Comments

For a little more than three years, I’ve been using they/them/theirs/themself pronouns. Notice that I’m avoiding saying that I “prefer”... more

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

09/26/2014  |  2 Comments

I’ve been teaching strap-on workshops for about six years now, and I’ve been strapping on for about fifteen. I also... more

Do rough sex fantasies compromise your sex-positive ethics?

Do rough sex fantasies compromise your sex-positive ethics?

09/11/2014  |  2 Comments

This new essay is also the introduction to my new book, Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut, available... more

Let’s Talk About Bleeding While Butch

Let’s Talk About Bleeding While Butch

08/31/2014  |  58 Comments

I have always had very heavy periods. Lots of blood, serious cramps that vary from keeping me flat on my... more

“I know I’m submissive. But where do I start?” aka “I just read Fifty Shades of Grey and I want THAT.”

06/26/2014  |  5 Comments

1. Read a fucking book Read fiction, sure—Carrie's Story, The Marketplace series, Mr. Benson, The Leather Daddy and the Femme (these are... more

What you should know about privacy, secret identities, and kink communities

What you should know about privacy, secret identities, and kink communities

06/24/2014  |  4 Comments

Welcome to the kink worlds of BDSM and reclaimed sluttiness and sex toys! I see you there in the wings,... more

To All the Tops Who Are Afraid to Make a Move

To All the Tops Who Are Afraid to Make a Move

02/25/2014  |  13 Comments

One of my biggest challenges as a top—and as a feminist dominant, and as someone who is well versed in... more

Is genderqueer (or butch) a stepping stone to transitioning?

Is genderqueer (or butch) a stepping stone to transitioning?

02/03/2014  |  14 Comments

It is definitely true that I don't have investment in being seen and treated as male, but I DO have... more