I have a confession to make:
I like dirty sex. I mean, you probably already knew that. And by dirty I mean … body fluids. You already know that my girlfriend ejaculates frequently and that I like that very much. But you might not know that sometimes, what occupies my dirty talk is about my own ejaculate, coming inside.
Some of you might be going “ew” right about now, and it wasn’t that long ago that I probably would have been right there with you. But then … I don’t know what happened exactly, but I guess my sex life got a little bit dirtier. And things like that, that before I might have gone “ew” to right away, started getting me kind of hot. And then a lot hot.
I started thinking about what it would be like to have the physical evidence of that kind of coming inside, seeing something, if not me, actually squirt, actually leave a wet spot or a puddle or some moisture on skin. When I mentioned it to Kristen, she was into it. (She’s pretty dirty, too, in case you didn’t know.)
So Eden Fantasys sent us these:
It’s clear right away that neither of these cocks are made to be used in a harness. So that’s the big negative #1. If they’re not made for that, what are they made for? They’re not exactly dyke-marketed, so are they for straight couples? Made to be hand-held? Made for solo use for a (straight) woman? Who uses these? I figured, well, I can try them out hand-held regardless, they’d be more fun with a harness but let’s just try ‘em out and see what happens.
When the first, Squirt the Realistic, showed up, as soon as I opened the package it had that plastic chemical stench that permeated the whole room. Not impressed. Usually that smell is indicative of pthalates, or of some other sort of leaking chemically plastic that I’m sure should not actually be in contact with anybody’s skin, let alone be inserted inside of an orifice.
So that is pretty much an automatic out.
Some specifications, though since it’s automatically out that doesn’t matter much: it’s 7″ x 1 7/8″, but it’s got balls and a suction cup, so it’s really only 5″ insertable. Not to be a size king or anything, but that’s a little bit small. It’s especially small if it is strapped on, because you need a bit more length to make sure you don’t pop out, but as we’ve already covered it doesn’t work in a harness, so that matters a little bit less here.
The second, Squirty Peter (really, Doc Johnson? You really use words like “dinger” and “dildo”? Bad choice), is a little better, though still not great. It’s rubber, which does not have leaky plastic materials but is still kind of sticky and annoying, especially when you have pets, because all the dust and hair sticks to it.
This one is 8 1/2″ x 1 3/4″ with 7 3/4″ insertable length. It kind of has a base on it, and I bet I could get it into a harness, but the base is less flared than it looks in the photo, plus it’s got this tube coming out of the end of it which would be a) uncomfortable and b) probably cut off the tube’s pressure and make it harder to actually do the squirting if it had a kink in it—you know, like how a garden hose stops working if the water is blocked. So it’s still not a great harness cock.
Still. I will admit, you know, privately, that I liked it. I liked being able to see the action I sometimes eroticize and fetishize.
Oh, speaking of ejaculate: Mostly I’ve just used water so far, and that’s been fine. I’ve been thinking about picking up a bottle of Liquid Silk lube, because aside from being awesome lube it is a pretty great consistency and thickness and color to mimic come. The packages for both of these cocks suggest using some sort of egg white + sugar recipe, but sugar is actually really bad for the pH of pussy (maybe these are made for gay boys?), so I won’t be doing that. Water’s fine, lube will probably be even better.
It won’t be a frequent toy in rotation, I’m sure—I received it this summer and it’s been infrequent at best—but I’ll be keeping it around. Especially for the affordable $12.99, it’s worth having around.
SPECIAL EXTRA NOTE TO COCK CREATORS & FUTURE COCK CREATORS:
Please make a better one of these. Make one for trans guys, for dykes, for dirty kinksters who actually want it to be able to be strapped on. Why don’t we have a good product like this out on the market? Tantus? Vixen Creations? Who’s gonna be first, hm?
The second issue of Salacious, a queer feminist sex magazine that sports “radically sex-positive thought-provoking super-hot porn,” is just as delicious as the first issue—and then some.
The format is just a slight bit smaller, but—that’s not true, it’s just the same size, though for some reason as soon as it came I thought it was smaller. I guess the first one was just so bountiful I thought it was bigger than it really is— the beautiful color images don’t lose their luster. I love that they have incorporated illustrations and stories into their content, and I’m sure that’s at least in part because KD Diamond, one of the folks at the helm, is a visual artist, and her illustrations are some of my favorites in the whole magazine.
Issue #3 is due out soon, but you can still get #2, which focuses on the theme of Voyeurism, online or in stores.
Salacious issue #2, Voyeurism, was sent to me from Salacious to review. Thanks!
From artist Elisha Lim, who brought you The Illustrated Gentlemen calendar for 2011, the new 2012 calendar will be celebrating all things sissy: “every month brave and beautiful queers talk about sequins, glitter, femininity, insults, courage, happiness and femme pride.”
To help out with printing costs, I’m taking pre-orders. All pre-orders receive two free illustrated greeting cards (+ envelopes). This ends on October 10th, when the pre-orders will be mailed out.
Double the size! This year’s wall calendar is a full size 8×11″ wall calendar in bright glossy full-colour. This is also a Universal Calendar, so it doesn’t state weekdays and can be re-used to preserve special events every year.
This is about the international queer community, and models from London, Berlin, Montreal and Toronto each express their own identities, which I kept in their own words.
Check out the Poppy Playground 400 thread count, 100% cotton sheets by Vice Merchants. They’re airy, pretty, floral linens (also available in Taupe)—except they’re kinda dirty, too. Check out the pattern up close—naked girls!
“Vice Merchants, headed by artist Miriam Carothers creates using carnality. Like Laura Ashley’s devotion to flora and fauna, Vice Merchants’ emblematic, prints and patterns showcase scintillating sirens and lascivious lovelies engaged in scenes of erotic amour, drawn to torrid perfection in Carothers signature style. This design house is taking a postmodern approach to sexual taboos and appropriating the forbidden as a something to be celebrated in the objects and accessories of everyday life.”
I thought the pink might be a little much, but Kristen said, “Finally! Some femme in the bedroom.” Oh. I thought my dark brown and tan and white and wine colored sheets weren’t too gendered, but apparently they are.
These sheets are beautiful and flirty and so, so soft, and have quickly become my favorites. Thanks, Vice Merchants, for sending them on.
I’ve had a Tantus Feeldoe in my toy box for a few years now, and aside from reviewing it, I almost never get it out. There were quite a few things that didn’t quite work, then: that there isn’t enough control without harnessing it, that I don’t love something inside me, that it’s hard to ‘drive’ when on top (without a harness, anyway). I thought it would be good for staying on my back and having someone straddle on top of me, or for times when my harness was just too far away, but the truth is I just have too many good cocks to bother.
But then, along came the new and improved version, the Realdoe, one of the hot new items in Babeland’s Gender Expression category. I kind of expected it to fall into the same category, but it doesn’t. I use it. A lot. Mostly, however, just when I’m alone.
I didn’t expect it to become a staple in my own getting off practices, but I really like it. I guess the combination of using a Pure Wand in the last few years (I love the weight of it) and also wanting to have something to jerk off while I’m getting off that makes the Realdoe excellent.
It probably helps that it’s a bit smaller than the other Feeldoe I have—which, I am reminding myself, they call stout for a reason. The Realdoe one is slimmer (than the biggest one—comparable to the smaller ones) and probably for that reason feels much more comfortable when inserted. And since it’s in a pretty strong V shape, it’s still really easy to get to my clit (which is what I need when I’m getting off).
I have used it to actually strap on and fuck pretty rarely, though once or twice. It is really convenient to have it nearby the bed and be able to just grab it. And because it is actually inserted, I can feel more, and feel more attached to it than when one of my strapped-on cocks is being jerked or sucked on.
It’s become an essential toy box feature, and gets stored in the one right by the bed these days. Definitely recommend it.
The Crystal Delight butt plugs are beautiful. They feature a Swarovski crystal at the base and is available in eight different colors. The base is large and stays in place, the pyrex glass makes it smoother than the average plug, and the shape of the plug itself means that insertion is easy and painless.
It comes in two sizes: regular and small. The regular was originally made first, but some folks suggested that the distance from plug to base was too long, and the small was added to the catalog. They are the same size in girth. Personally I think the smalls are too small—you know how when you insert a plug, once it gets past your sphincter it kind of pops into place? The small one feels like it is still half-way in, not deep enough, for my own anatomy, so I find the regular plug to be more comfortable.
They just look stunning when inserted. Like jewelry. I especially recommend turning the lights off and playing with some good mood lighting, lamps or abundant candles, it’ll be even more exciting when the crystal catches the light.
I’ll Show You Mine edited by Wrenna Robertson is a beautiful hardcover coffee table book that came out in February 2011 from Show Off Books. It features 120 photographs of 60 women’s genitals, and accompanying each woman’s photos is text written by the woman, detailing her challenges and/or successes as pertains to her relationship with her genitals. According to the website, there are two trans women included in the book (Ashley and Emily), and the book’s introduction says that the range of age is from 19 to 60. I notice a lot of piercings—more than I thought would be included—and that the majority of those photographed seem to be partially shaved or at least heavily trimmed, but there are some very full hairy bushes in there too.
It’s quite a beautiful book. I’m looking forward to bringing it to workshops and having it there for people to leaf through. Thank you, Show Off Books.
I’ve been putting off this review because just about as soon as I received this double panel compression shirt, New York City started that little heat wave called SUMMER, and I have barely worn it since. In fact, while I’ve been working at home the last few days I’ve been topless, and when the time comes to go out in an actual shirt I can barely stand the fabric of a tank top on my skin, so there’s NO WAY I would wear this right now.
But I would gladly wear it, in general. I didn’t connect that it’d be 60-80 degrees while I was just visiting the Pacific Northwest, or I would’ve definitely brought it on that trip. There were a few times I wished I had.
I bought a compression shirt a few years back, the same brand—which seems from my knowledge to be the most famous and common brand—and while I thought I was getting the right size, I could not get it on. It did not fit.
So it is still basically brand new, in a box, where it’s been since I got it.
Would you like to have it? It’s size M, black. Leave a comment about one fun thing you’ve done this summer (or something else, just leave a comment) and I’ll pick one comment at random and mail it to you—if you’re in the US I’ll pay postage, if you’re outside of the US you pay postage. I’ll pick a winner on Tuesday, August 9.
This new one, though, I ordered a bit too large, in size XL, and it fits.
It helps tremendously with button down shirts and vests and flattening out my torso in general. I find it hard to breathe in, just a little, which is also why it’s been hard to wear in the last few months, because I’ve been thinking about and witnessing lots of things related to breathing and breath. I have to be a bit strategic about wearing it; I wouldn’t want to put it on for a hike or even a day when I was doing a whole lot of walking around New York City. I can definitely tell when I eat a large meal while wearing it, too.
I am pretty large chested—usually I wear a 34DD, though lately it’s been a 36DD—so I didn’t know if I could wear one of these at all. Glad to discover that it turns out, I can.
And you can bet I’ll be wearing it frequently once it cools down a bit more.
So it’s not exactly news that the Crash Pad Series is the best queer porn currently available, and that if you aren’t subscribing, you’re seriously missing out.
The news, however, is that they’ve just hit their 100th episode! This one features the sexy, hot, talented genderqueer star Jiz Lee and the epic porn legend Nina Hartley. “Celebrating our 100th episode with a special 40-minute scene starring Nina Hartley and Jiz Lee! The keymaster writes: “I’m speechless… there are simply no words. My cameras have peeked in on the Crash Pad 100 times! 100! And to think that this time none other than Nina Hartley herself was lying in wait for her newest eager fuckpet, Jiz Lee. And after riding Nina’s giant Maverick cock and expert fist, Jiz one again lives up to their name.”
Here’s a little teaser, in case you need more:
Visit Crashpadseries.com to sign up for a membership and keep up with all this amazing, (dare I say) revolutionary images of queer kinky sexuality.
So I mentioned that Babeland has a new Gender Expression category, and I’ve been going through many of the products, trying ‘em out. In fact, I’m behind. Mostly because of the event on Saturday and the last month of events, but also because I’ve been so busy USING these things that I haven’t made time to write about ‘em!
But for now, Babeland sent me two different stand to pee (STP) devices that I’ve been playing with.
These can be for “gender play,” but they can also just be something useful for many of us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a public restroom in NYC or out in the woods camping or in some port-a-potty somewhere thinking, why don’t I have one of those STP thingers?
Now, of course, I have to remember to bring them with me AND have them on me when I head to a bathroom, but it’s a step.
Here are the two that Babeland carries. There are a few others, but these seem to be the best of the best that are available—the others are more bulky, awkward, or of questionable materials.
1. The Go Girl
Go Girl comes in pink and camelflage. (Really? Gender a product much?) And it’s called “Go Girl.” Is that necessary? Seems like they are kind of cutting out a potential part of their audience—us genderqueers and masculine of center folks—and aiming for the ladies.
Whatever, I can kind of overlook that, it doesn’t really matter if “Go Girl” is etched into the silicone plastic through which I pee.
Plus: Made out of silicone, so it’s easy to clean. Very flexible and thin, so it rolls up into a tiny little carrying case, which makes it easy to carry around.
Minus: It’s kind of hard to get a good seal, and not so intuitive to use. Definitely takes a lot of practice, though it’s possible.
2. The P-Style
Plus: Easy to use. It might take a few tries (I suggest getting used to it in the shower), but eventually the seal feels secure and that’s what has been the biggest difficulty for me, in getting used to these.
Minus: It doesn’t fold up, so it’s a little bit bulky, and doesn’t really have a carrying case, so you might want to come up with something to carry it in so it doesn’t accidentally get lipstick or pen marks or something on it while it’s tossed into your bag. It’s not very easy to slip subtly into your pocket, which is too bad, but I still much prefer the way it works.
This was the clear winner, for me, of the two.
I actually have one other that is basically a medicine spoon with a hole in the end that I purchased at some wimmin’s event in the late 90s … I don’t necessarily recommend that style, it’s pretty hard to get the placement right and since the medicine spoon is a pretty small volume in the container, sometimes it can get full really quickly.
I have seen a couple of STP packers, also, and I actually purchased one when I was in the midwest this past spring. I’ll have some notes for you on that in another post, eventually. (Basically: it’s pretty rad.)
Have you used an STP of some sort? What’d you think? Is it something you carry around all the time, or use rarely? Any suggestions for other products I should try out? Which one is your favorite?