Review: The Njoy Fun Wand

Let’s have a review, shall we?

I’m way behind on product reviews, I have a list and it kinda just keeps getting longer. I’m moving away from doing reviews, actually, trying to be much more discerning about which sites and which products I take on, especially since I don’t use all that I already have. And of course I’m still taking some products for Babeland, which continues to be one of my favorite toy shops. I’ve probably told my Babeland story a dozen times, but I credit their sex-positivity, queer-friendly staff and products, and endlessly useful workshops with a lot of my own queer sexual awakening. I made a special trip to the Capitol Hill store in Seattle when I moved there in 1999 and, like many first-time visitors, purchased the Dirty Dice before I left. It took me another year or so to actually purchase my first strap-on and attend a spanking workshop, and I’ve been learning from them ever since.

They are such an excellent introduction to the worlds of sex-positivity and sex toys, that is precisely their strength and still something they do better than just about any other queer and feminist toy store, in my opinion. That reminds me—the founders of Babeland, Claire Cavanaugh and Rachel Venning (who are included on the Top Hot Butches list, though I’m told that Clare does not identify as butch, though Rachel does), have a new book out! Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex is out and fantastic. I especially like the design of the book, it’s so much fun to flip through. The graphic design and layout is fantastic, and it’s kind of like the sex ed class that should have been available when you went to college in a book form. The site calls it “a warm, expert, and witty guide to a truly satisfying and exciting sex life. Especially helpful for those at the beginning of their sexual self-discovery, Moregasm combines gorgeous, glossy visuals with real-world advice and the frank, reliable information you’ve come to expect from Babeland.”

On to the toy!

Behold: the Njoy Fun Wand.

I kind of feel like the Njoy toys review themselves. I mean do I even have to say anything about the actual function? I kind of want a fancy stand for it (does anybody make those? Someone should!) so I can display it on my coffee table or on a lighted shelf. It really is as beautiful as it seems.

Babeland says it used to be called the Saturn Wand, which to me seems boyish, maybe because Saturn was a god? It doesn’t seem like the Fun Wand is marketed as an anal toy, but that seems like the best use of it, personally. It’s kind of small.

Look at this photo from Babeland’s site of a hand holding the Fun Wand, you’ll see how small it is. Barely larger than a finger, really. The big difference between the Fun Wand and a finger, of course, aside from the hard stainless steel, is the strong curve and the texture, kind of like anal beads, which are um, awesome.

In the months that I’ve had this toy, after trying it out (both on myself and on Kristen, since it is easily sterilizable for sharing), I haven’t used it much. I’m more inclined to use strap-on cocks, harnesses, and bondage toys when playing with Kristen, and though we have started using some anal plugs of sorts fairly regularly, I am more inclined to use my fingers as a supplement to my strap-on than to get out another toy like this one.

I do tend to bust out the Njoy toys during my own solo masturbation play, though; both this one and the Pure Wand. Partly it might be that it does not have a flared base (and therefore makes it a little bit dangerous to play with anally—things actually can get lost up there you know, unlike the vagina which has nowhere to go. Do NOT insert it all the way and be sure to keep a strong grip on the end), and because I only insert it about halfway, it’s not the most comfortable to use when on your back.

Since this review has been half in photographs, I’m going to give you one more:

To be honest, I’ve lost the photographer of this shot. I think I found it on Tumblr, and my best guess (thanks Dacia) is that it’s a shot by Aeric Meredith-Goujon. All I can remember is that I’m pretty sure it was shot by a guy, and that when I found him on Twitter his icon was one of those make-yourself-a-Mad-Men-character cartoon. Going through Aeric’s daily photo blog, I did come across this shot: Ponderosa also, and the style is similar enough that it’s quite likely that is his photo. If you know for sure, or if you have this sourced somewhere else, please tell me! I want to give proper credit! Photograph is by Melvin Moten, aka mErocrush, reprinted with permission. Model: StephyC, taken August 2009 in Tampa during FetishCon ‘09.

Also, it’s a really fucking hot photo. Add to the list of more amazing ideas of what to do with a Fun Wand.

Njoy Fun Wand photos from njoytoys.com. The Njoy Fun Wand was sent to me from Babeland to review. Buy the Fun Wand and other fabulous sex toys at your local feminist sex-positive queer-friendly shop, or, of course, at Babeland.

New Book! Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica

Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica Edited by Tristan Taormino is due out February 16th, and I have a story in it! (I believe it is The Diner on the Corner, also published in Best Lesbian Erotica 2009.)

There are very few books exclusively focused on butch/femme erotica—Back to Basics edited by Therese Szymanski is the only one I can think of—and I’m thrilled to see another one come into print. Cannot wait to get my hands on it!

“Butch/femme is erotic iconography. Butch/femme is bulging jeans, smeared lipstick, stiletto heals, and sharp haircuts. It’s about being read and being seen. Sometimes it’s about passing or not passing. It’s about individual identity and a collective sense of community. It’s personal, political. It’s a sexual electricity and power exchange. It’s the visceral space between the flesh and the imagination.” — from the introduction by Tristan Taormino

From Cleis Press’s page about the new book:

Does the swagger of a confident butch make you swoon? Do your knees go weak when you see a femme straighten her stockings? In Sometimes She Lets Me, Tristan Taormino chooses her favorite butch/femme stories from the Best Lesbian Erotica series.

Even if you think you know what goes on in the bedroom between femmes and butches, these 22 stories will delight you with erotic surprises. In Joy Parks’ delicious “Sweet Thing,” the recently arrived town librarian shows a butch baker some new tricks in bed. On a chase through the woods, the stud in “Tag!”, by D. Alexandria, find her baby girl by scent alone. And the girl in a pleated skirt gets exactly what she wants from her Daddy in Peggy Munson’s “The Rock Wall.”

Includes contributions by Alison L. Smith, Joy Parks, S. Bear Bergman, Amie M. Evans, Samiya A. Bashir, Rosalind Christine Lloyd, Kristen Porter, Tara-Michelle Ziniuk, D. Alexandria, Anna Watson, Shannon Cummings, A. Lizbeth Babcock, Sparky, Elaine Miller, Isa Coffey, Skian McGuire, Jera Star, Toni Amato, Peggy Munson, Sandra Lee Golvin, and Sinclair Sexsmith.

Tristan Taormino is an award-winning author, columnist, editor, and sex educator. She is the editor of Hot Lesbian Erotica and fourteen editions of Best Lesbian Erotica series as well as the author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Tristan is a former columnist for the Village Voice and currently has a column in Taboo; her writing has appeared in Velvet ParkVibeSpectator,The Advocate, and more than 15 anthologies. She has been featured in more than 200 publications, including the New York TimesRedbookCosmopolitanGlamourEntertainment WeeklyDetailsNew York magazine, Men’s Health, and Playboy. She has also appeared on CNN, MTV, Oxygen, the Discovery Channel, The Howard Stern Show, Real Sex, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, Scarborough Country, and over 50 radio shows. Tristan directed the adult videos the Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, Tristan Taormino’s House of Ass, and the Chemistry series. She lives in upstate New York. Visit Tristan at www.puckerup.com.

Review: Under Bed Restraints

canadian pharmacy cialis” />These Under Bed Restraints are easy—easy to install, easy to use, easy to implement into all sorts of sex play, easy to like. I suspected (from the packaging, mostly) that they would be cheesy, low quality, or not strong enough, but they are not. They’re not leather, and they don’t have metal buckles that make that delicious clanging sound against themselves, but the nylon and velcro buckles are nonetheless simple and strong.

I picked these up because Kristen doesn’t have a headboard at her place, and thought it might be fun to keep these on her bed. I was very right, it IS fun, and they went way beyond my expectations. It feels like I have even more permission to throw her around, tie her down, or rough her up when I know these are on the bed already and so easily accessible.

I did not think I would like these as much as I do (I guess I am snobby about bondage, I like the “real” stuff, the shibari rope and the heavy leather and metal cuffs), but now they are probably one of the top toys I recommend most, especially to folks who are interested in exploring more bondage.

Do I need to explain how it works? It is kind of a capitol I shape, with the cross-bars, where the long vertical strap goes under your mattress and on top of the boxspring, and the two horizontal straps have cuffs at either end, and stick out. (If you only had a mattress and no boxspring I think it would still work.) It can also be made into an upside down capitol T to put the bottom’s hands together above her head at the head of the bed. I like having Kristen’s legs tied, but to let her still use her hands—I like to feel her grasp at my shoulders, and sometimes I like to watch her get herself off.

Affordable ($45), easy, sturdy—these get my highest recommendation. Definitely a must in my toy box.

The Under Bed Restraints were sent to me to review from sextoy.com. Pick up the Under Bed Restraints or other bondage toys from sextoy.com, or your local queer feminist sex-positive independent shop.

Review: Roulette Dirty South (DVD)

It didn’t take me long to watch Courtney Trouble’s new film Roulette Dirty South, I ripped it open the minute I got it in the mail from the production company, Reel Queer Productions. I’ve been looking forward to it since I heard Dylan Ryan was back with her real-life boyfriend Trucker Cash (since they made one of my favorite scenes of all time). And when I saw the trailer, I was thrilled:

Looks dirty, edgy, colorful, and fun—and it is. The film also stars April Flores (aka Fatty D) and Trouble and Pepper Sox, with fantastic music (as you hear in the trailer, Courtney Trouble has a great ear for these things—she was just nominated in the 2010 AVN Awards for Best Music Soundtrack for her former film Speakeasy) by Yes Please, Flexions, Jenny Hoyston in California Lightening, and Tami Hart. Roulette Dirty South also introduces a few other new performers (I particularly liked Charlie’s long brown hair all over her face while giving a blow job. Yes, very nice image).

I mostly watched this for the scene with Dylan and Trucker. I also really liked Pepper Sox—she was damn hot when she got fucked (I will have to find her other scenes. I think she’s Courtney’s partner?). I would watch Dylan’s scene again, Trucker fucks her ass toward the end of it (oops! I don’t mean to give it away) and I definitely liked that, but I doubt I’ll rewatch the rest of the scenes. Not quite my style. Still, the film is gritty and vibrant, and I’m glad to have seen it.


Dylan Ryan & Trucker Cash, photo by Courtney Trouble

Review: Even More Bang for Your Buck 2

Buck Angel is known widely as “the man with a pussy” and is a hugely popular trans porn star. I remember hearing Buck on episode 124 of the Savage Love Podcast a while back, and I was really impressed by how eloquently he spoke about trans issues, gender, and sexuality. He’s also recently launched a more explicit educational component to his work, including Buck Angel Entertainment and his videos answering questions about sexuality and gender, Bucking the System (also displayed over at Buck’s pages on sexgenderbody.com).

He’s also listed as #62 of the Top Hot Butches, with his own consent. In fact, he told a mutual friend that he associates the term ‘butch’ more with gay men’s culture than lesbian, and is happy to be identified as such. (I’m paraphrasing through a game of telephone, forgive me if I’m misquoting, but I think the meaning was clear.)

Though I’ve been aware of him and his work for quite a while, I never actually saw any of his porn flicks.

Until recently.

I watched Even More Bang for Your Buck 2 over on VOD.sugarbutch.net, the Hot Movies 4 Her video-on-demand site specifically containing porn flicks I choose and think you might like to see. Damn, it was raunchy. It’s content is very gay, and to be honest porn depicting gay men is not my personal favorite, so I was watching it more for, um, the articles, than to get off to, but I admit, Buck really is hot. Muscley and sexy. And I love how guys in porn are just so unapologetic about lust, ya know?

More details: Even More Bang for Your Buck 2 is produced, directed, and starring Buck Angel. Music for this film is by Katastrophe, a very talented musician and FTM rapper (and, I believe, Michelle Tea’s partner).

Here’s the description from Hot Movies 4 Her:

2009 AVN Award Nominee for Best Transsexual Release
2009 GAYVN Award Nominee for Best Alternative Release.

Buck Angel fans are in for another treat from everyone’s favorite man with a pussy. Buck directs, produces, and stars in the latest release from Buck Angel Entertainment.

The first scene is with Brad S, a hot Latino with a big hard cock who wants to play hard with me. He does not have a hard time keeping that piece of meat ready for action. This is set in a construction site. Great pussy eating and fucking action.

The second scene is with a very shy but horny Mexican guy that I found on the net. He starts out a bit shy but as his cock gets hard from me sucking on it he starts to become really aggresive and the sex just gets hotter and hotter. I let him take control at one point and just ram my throat with his bulging cock. So much that I gag. This scene is one of my all time favorites. Wait till you see how I swallow that big cock!

The third scene is with FTM Boi fallen, a very cure FTM boy. I love dominating him in this scene. This is really my first scene with just me another transman. I love this scene because it has real hardcore action and we have great sexual energy together. If you have ever wanted to see me fuck another FTM this is your chance.

The fourth scene is filmed in London with a HOT skinhead. I meet him on the street and take him back to my place where we get right down to business. He loves to be my fuck toy and lets me do whatever I want. I love these kind of guys. The sex gets pretty nasty as he realizes I have a pussy and that makes him even more excited. he is into some heavey breath play as well. All these scenes end with great cum shots!

The film has music by FTM Rapper Katastrophe which adds to the the raunchy hardcoreness of this film.

I guess that’s about all I’ve got to say about that! Give it a try. Heck, it’s a new year – perhaps it’s time to expand your porn horizons. Maybe you’ll find that it’s totally your ‘thing’! You never know until you try.

Watch Even More Bang for Your Buck 2 or more videos by Buck Angel Entertainment over at Sugarbutch’s VOD on Hot Movies 4 Her.

Review: Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage (DVD)

Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage DVD is directed by Tristan Taormino and written & hosted by sex expert and author Midori, and I am familiar with both of them in general, so I knew I would probably enjoy it. When it arrived, though, I was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t a video version of her Art of Japanese Bondage book – I don’t have a copy of it, but I’ve been eyeing it in Babeland for years. I was hoping the DVD would be elaborate, beautiful rope bondage, but it’s not.

In fact, it might be better.

One of the things that has kept me from doing more bondage is that it seems difficult, elaborate, and highly skilled – but that’s really only one kind of bondage, the fancy rope artistry kind. And though I have a few moves (see: Crab Tie), I often just don’t even practice what I know because I feel like it’s time consuming and will interrupt what we’re doing.

Kristen, though, I know, really likes bondage. Really likes to be tied up and tied down and restrained. While she does not love much pain, as a bottom, she really gets into that submissive mindspace when restrained and bound. She has often requested it more frequently and though it is frequent in our play, I could do it more often I’m sure. She has said that every time would not be too often, in fact. And though I often restrain her with my hands, holding her down or holding her wrists or ankles or under her knees, I could do more.

This video very much inspired me to do so.

And, it gave me a whole lot of ideas of things to use aside from elaborate rope ties – in fact, very little rope is used in this film. They use the Under Bed Restraint System (which I highly recommend, I got one for Kristen’s house that I still need to write up and it’s fantastic), wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, belts, scarves, and some great snap hooks to hold it all together.

Midori’s introduction was pretty basic, had some great solid concepts and guidelines for bondage play, though nothing I wasn’t already familiar with. When she started demonstrating with some pretty purple scarves, I thought, damn, where do I get some like that?! (Lucky for me, I have some Liberator Silk Sashes just begging for Kristen’s return from her holiday family visit.)

I thought this video would be for beginners, but I don’t consider myself a beginner with bondage, and I got a lot out of it. It has four basic scenes: Midori’s introductory instruction, a hands-on demo with Midori, Adrianna Nicole, and Mark Davis, a scene with Adrianna and Mark, and a scene with Madison Young and Danny Wylde. Midori has some comments throughout the two scenes, but it’s fun to see some of the bondage ‘in action,’ which is a good way to get familiar with putting bondage on and taking it off during an actual scene.

I was kind of waiting to watch this video so Kristen and I could watch it together, but now I’m kind of glad I watched it on my own – the tricks will be more mine and less like I copied them from an instructional video. (Not that she won’t know that’s where I got ’em, she reads my posts. Still, she won’t have the visual of seeing someone else do it first.)

There’s a particular moment in Adrianna and Mark’s scene where Adrianna has wrist and ankle cuffs on, and they are cuffed wrist-to-ankle with a double snap ring (like a two-sided caribiner). She is on her back in bed with her head near the edge, he is fucking her mouth with his cock while he’s got his fingers in her pussy. It was nice – I am looking forward to testing that out.

Now I’ve just got to add some double snap rings and wrist cuffs to my toy box. Perhaps I’ll use some of that Christmas money from Grandma and invest in a few of those.

Pick up Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage at Babeland, or your local feminist sex toy shop.

How to Wear Red Lipstick, from How to Sew A Button Author Erin Bried

buttonI was lucky enough to catch the book release party for Erin Bried’s new book How to Sew A Button and Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew this past week, which was much fun. Erin interviewed grandmothers to gather all this knowledge, and the result is a lovely little book, easy to thumb through and includes useful and interesting things for any reader.

Though it’s marketing seems to be pretty girly, there are plenty of tips for butches like me. (I did pick up a copy for myself.)

Here’s Erin’s first little blurb from her website’s blog, which I think sums it up well:

If you’ve thumbed through the first couple of pages of my book, How to Sew a Button, then you know that until recently, I was pretty hopeless on the home front. Case in point: I actually once baked a strawberry-rhubarb pie, using strawberries and Swiss chard. (I mean, chard does look a little bit like rhubarb, right? Let me tell you, it sure doesn’t taste like it.)

Anyway, after baking that lousy pie, I had an epiphany: Not knowing how to do stuff for myself is not only disempowering, but also, especially in this crap economy, downright irresponsible. So, in writing my book, I set out to learn everything I needed to know to feel confident, simplify my life and save money.

And who better to turn to for that advice than our grandmothers, especially those who’ve survived The Great Depression? They certainly know how to make due with what they have. From interviewing them, I’ve learned important lessons about cooking, entertaining, saving, and loving—and I’m going to keep learning more stuff everyday.

She also has some video demos! I thought some of you might particularly like these.

How to Wear Red Lipstick:

How to Tie A Tie (on somebody super cute):

A few more demo videos – like how to make a pie and how to fold a fitted sheet – are on the How to Sew A Button site.

Pick up How to Sew A Button on Amazon.com, or your local independent bookseller (if you’d like them to be around next holiday season too).

My Favorite Scenes in Porn Flicks

After I mentioned my favorite porn scene of all time in the Strap On Motel review the other day (which happens to be Dylan Ryan and Trucker Cash in The Crash Pad Series episode 1), I started thinking about my other Very Favorite Sex Scenes Of All Time.

I’ve been watching a TON of DVDs lately, and I’ve said quite a few times lately that queer porn is just exploding, so it’s time to do a list like this. Generally, these scenes are butch/femme with some sort of power dynamics, top/bottom or otherwise.

Here’s a list of scenes that come to mind:

  • Syd Blakovich & Madison Young in Champion (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Jiz Lee & Dallas Fivestar in Speakeasy (No Fauxxx/Courtney Trouble)
  • Dylan Ryan & Trucker Cash in Crash Pad Series (Episode 1) (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Kuma & Julie Warren in Crash Pad Series (Episode 44) (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Jake & Princess Donna in Crash Pad Series (Episode 6) (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Roxie Hart & Derrick Pierce in Chemistry 3 (Tristan Taormino)
  • Derrick Pierce & Satine Phoenix in Rough Sex (Tristan Taormino)
  • Dylan Ryan’s solo in Crash Pad Series (Episode 17) (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Carson & Syd Blakovich in Crash Pad Series (Episode 33) (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Dylan, Jiz Lee, & Jo in the original Crash Pad DVD (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Roxie Ryder & Dusty Ryder in the original  Crash Pad DVD (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)
  • Jackie Strano & two others (?) in Sugar High Glitter City (SIR Productions)
  • Lorelei Lee & Billy Castro in Speakeasy (No Fauxxx/Courtney Trouble)
  • Dylan Ryan & Javier in Champion (Pink & White/Shine Louise Houston)

Some notes … I have yet to see No Fauxxx’s Roulette, No Fauxxx’s Nostalgia, Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes, the upcoming film Taxi, and lots of really good stuff by Madison Young … perhaps by the time this project is finished, I will have, and can add or subtract as needed.

This list is not necessarily in order, just a list. And a work in progress that I will keep adding to as my search goes on.

So, I gotta know – what’s your favorite? What scene do you go back to over & over? What one particular pairing (or trio) of folks gets you every time?

Review: Black Cat G (Harness)

blackcatAre you getting sick of harness reviews yet? I hope not, because I still haven’t found The Perfect Harness (which may or may not actually exist).

This is the Black Cat G harness by Aslan Leather, sent to me from Eden Fantasys. Let’s break it down by the basic harness features:

Material
The Black Cat G is vinyl, which is why I picked it up, actually. Seems like most harnesses – the really nice ones, anyway – are leather, but I’ve been having trouble keeping my leather harnesses clean, so I thought I might try a waterproof material instead. It’s alright – definitely easier to clean, and I’m less worried about it, but the straps are pretty wide and the material is not very pliable. I recently reviewed the new one-strap version of the Jaguar harness, called the Jaguar G, also from Aslan Leather, and the leather is just so buttery and soft and beautiful, something this thick and dense and kind of, well, hard, is fairly unpleasant, especially when it’s between my legs and pressed up against my, ahem, slightly more delicate places.

Shape
The front panel of this harness is pretty big. I much prefer minimalistic harnesses (like the Bare as you Dare, though the buckles are weak and it slips a LOT) and the excessive material gets in the way of being pressed skin-to-skin, which I don’t like. I want the harness and cock to feel like part of me, I don’t want it to cover up my skin and make me less sensitive and less feeling of the experience.

This is especially a problem in the triangle front panel part, where the O-ring resides, but it’s also a problem with the straps. It’s kind of nice to have wide straps around my hips, they don’t dig in as much, but the wide strap between my legs pinches and is rather uncomfortable. It’s not so bad in the front, but especially in the back, it’s way too wide.

Buckles & O-Rings
The buckles are standard, locking, and very decent; it doesn’t slip around and since it isn’t leather, it doesn’t stretch with body heat, and stays tight. I like that.

The center strap, that goes through the legs, is connected with snaps instead of buckles, which means that there are only a few options for how tight it can get – I tend to wear harnesses very low on my hips and very tight between my legs, and that’s not possible with this one, because in order for the center strap to be taut it has to be much longer, and the tautness is ultimately most important. So, I don’t like that it snaps instead of buckles (or instead of having D-rings to make the length more variable).

The O-ring is rather difficult … it has two snaps, at the top and bottom, so the ring itself is interchangeable, so you can use any size O-ring (and thus any size cock), but there is also a hole in the front panel behind the O-ring. So you can either put the cock through the panel AND the O-ring, or just put it through the O-ring. The hole in the panel is only 1 3/4″ (and thus not big enough for my favorite go-to cock, the Maverick by Vixskin), and if trying to get a rather big cock into the O-ring without putting it through the panel, it’s hard to get the snaps closed. It’s not really made to use with a cock that is outside of the back panel – but again, Maverick, the cock I use 95% of the time, is too big for the panel, so I this harness isn’t The Perfect Harness.

One Last Thing …

I do like the vinyl material though – I expected it to be kind of squeaky and weird, but I would try another harness that is not leather in my quest.

In going over the Sugarbutch tag for “harness”, I noticed there are some harnesses I’ve reviewed but haven’t posted about here yet, like these two:

joque jaguar G

Buy the Black Cat G harness from Aslan Leather at Eden Fantasys or your local independent feminist queer-friendly sex-positive sex toy shop. Thanks to Eden for providing me with one to review.

Jaguar G - G-string | Review by Sinclair Sexsmith

Review: The Crash Pad Series: Volume 5 (DVD)

Another quick little DVD review, this one of The Crash Pad Series: Volume 5 which is just now released by Blowfish.

cpv5It is no secret that I am a big, big fan of The Crash Pad Series. Shine Louise Houston and Pink & White Productions have raised the standards in porn film making so high, I think the porn industry in general will be struggling to catch up for a while. (In fact, Kristen and I just sat down to watch a couple films that a particular unnamed (unmentionable) company sent me to review recently, and I was slack-jawed in awe of just how bad bad porn can be. Holy. Crap. No wonder most people have such awful associations with porn, if things like THAT are what they think of or see!) Shine has spoiled me, big time – I expect the porn that I watch to be respectful, hot, full of desire and chemistry, smart, skilled, diverse, queer, and beautifully filmed … I know that sounds like high standards, but blame it on The Crash Pad! They DO that, constantly!

You can get subscriptions to The Crash Pad Series website, or you can purchase the compiled DVDs by volume. This is the fifth DVD, and though it isn’t the one I would recommend if you’ve never seen The Crash Pad before, it’s got some very interesting scenes and one in particular that I would definitely watch again.

Here’s the description:

The Crash Pad Series: Volume 5 returns to the titular no-holes-barred sex space that caters to an ever-changing group of sexually voracious dykes, femmes, butches, and bois (and even the occasional lucky bio-guy) under the ubiquitous secret surveillance of a mysterious voyeur played by director Shine Louise Houston. This installment features five scenes of wall-to-wall sex, including some dripping candle play, a little bondage, tattooed beauties, strap-on fucking and sucking, and other sundry delights. One standout scene features Kuma (a trans leather daddy with a shaved head and goatee) topping the curvylicious Julie Warren with a pair of floggers, some lashing canes, and an extremely hot choking strap-on blowjob sequence. The final scene has the always-enjoyable Shawn fucking a guy, something of a novelty in the Crash Pad series, though Mickey Mod isn’t averse to sucking Shawn’s big strapped-on cock when the time comes. She rides him vigorously and later rubs one out over his face while he jerks off beneath her — a good time is had by all. The Crash Pad series continues to set the standard for queer indie kinky excellence.

And, though that description of the five different scenes is pretty thorough, here’s my take on ’em:

Scene 1, August and Stacy Staxxx, features hot wax and some switching. Scene 2 is the porn debut of the Essin’ Em we all know and love, under the name Scarlett Chaos, with the cute toppy boi Rex – make note of Essin’ Em’s fabulous femme red heels that she leaves on, I liked that. Scene 3 features Red and Cyd Loverboy, who are both pretty genderqueer and boyish and I liked the top/bottom dynamic here especially.

Scene 4, however, was exceptional. It features Kuma and Julie Warren, who appear to have a fairly strong daddy/girl thing going on, and definitely seem to have played with each other before. There is a beautiful two-handed flogging, and some lovely caning that made me wince (and also made my inner sadist grin). I liked the sadism and masochism in this scene, more pain than sex really, though Kuma does wield a cock very very well. I loved the skill, and I will watch this one again.

The last scene, 5, features everybody’s favorite queer porn star Syd Blakovich in a scene with cis guy Micky Mod. Interesting, and unusual for The Crash Pad Series, but it is very queer and very well done, and clearly they are both enjoying each other.

It’s not my favorite of The Crash Pad Series, but it is quite good, always beautifully filmed, and interesting.

Buy The Crash Pad Series: Volume 5 and other volumes at Blowfish or your local independent feminist queer-friendly sex toy shop.

Review: Strap On Motel (Film)

straponmotel1It’s time for a little video review from VOD.sugarbutch.net!

This one is Strap On Motel, directed by Maria Beatty and produced by Bleu Productions (same with Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls and The Black Glove & The Elegant Spanking).

After I reviewed Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls and was, ah, less than enthusiastic about it, Dylan Ryan mentioned (on twitter? I can’t remember) that Strap On Motel might be more my style. And I mean, just right there it’s got a lot going for it – strap ons, and Dylan? – YES PLEASE. Definitely sounds like my kind of porn.

Here’s the description:

2009 Feminist Porn Award Nominee – LA, on the west coast, along a humid motorway enlightened by the red neons of the strip clubs. London, a gorgeous and wild brunette, arrives. An erotic dancer in a club, she remembers this particular night where she has been struck by her desire for another dancer, Dylan Ryan, tall sculptural blonde who knows exactly what she wants and how she wants it. Hallucinated flashbacks of their nights of fever at the clandestine and muggy Strap On Motel, haunt her. The chemical reaction of their bodies is explosive, and their desire insatiable! Their mouths devour each other and their burning hot caresses explore all the lesbian kama sutra spiced with dildos. Strap on lesbian sex will never die.

Okay, that sounds alright … I don’t like all the fluff really, “devour” and “burning hot caresses” and “spiced with dildos” … uhwhut? But, whatever. Beatty’s asthetic is beautiful, and Dylan is beautiful, and yay lesbian fucking.

Aside from Dylan, this film also features London, who was also in Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls.

The film opens with a shot of Dylan walking outside, at night, with some commentary that is a little ridiculous and rather forgettable. There are some beautiful scenes. I love the blow job in the beginning. But then, the commentary starts in, completely unnecessarily, and kind of ruins the moans and heavy breathing that was building.

For example, during that gorgeous blow job scene, the narrator says, “She was exciting me so much that she made a huge sticky cock grow from me, erect and ready to satisfy her. A man would have died under her sucking and devourous mouth. But, my cock was the best cock in all the galaxy.” (9:34)

Sorry, but no. I really don’t find that sexy. Later she describes someone’s “deep vagina” and that nearly made me cringe (and made Kristen and I laugh). Tight, yes; wet, yes; deep? Makes it sound like a well or a cavern or crevasse or something.

So, I muted the sound when the narration came on, which unfortunately means I couldn’t really hear the kissing or the gasping, but generally worked to not completely lose my boner. The narrator has a fairly distinct accent, so perhaps it’s a translation issue?, though I think it is more just trying too hard to be sexy.

Regardless, there are some really sexy scenes, and it’s beautifully filmed, as seems to be Beatty’s style. Dylan Ryan (who doesn’t have a website yet, but you can be a fan on Facebook or follow her on twitter, not that I’m stalking her, I’m not, really) is fantastic – it was filmed back when her hair was still blonde, and she even has it back in pigtails in one scene, kind of like how it was in episode 1 of the Crash Pad Series (which still is my favorite porn scene of all time), and I just love that style on her, probably because that’s how she looked when I was introduced to her work.

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Strap On Motel is worth seeing, definitely my favorite film from Bleu Productions that I’ve seen so far, though you might have to put up with the unsexy and slightly annoying narration now and then. It’s occasional, though, and only lasts for a few sentences, then it gets back to the very good and rather beautiful fucking.

Watch Strap On Motel at Sugarbutch’s Video On Demand site through Hot Movies 4 Her.

Review: Buck

Oh, Vixskin. (Sigh & swoon.)

I often get questions about which cocks I recommend, and I always say Vixen Creation’s line of Vixskin material. They are very realistic, made with or without balls, in lots of different sizes, and come in three colors: chocolate, caramel, and vanilla. I find the vanilla matches my skin tone best, but I do have a caramel which is not far off, and still feels like mine.

buckThe one I am going to tell you about today is Buck.

Material

Like Bandit, Lonestar, and oh, EVERY SINGLE OTHER cock in the Vixskin line, the material for Buck is fantastic. It’s high quality silicone, which means it is completely sterilizable and one of the safest materials available on the market, but the Vixskin type of silicone is also much more pliable than regular silicone.

(But if you’ve been following Sugarbutch, or are aware of materials already, you probably know this.)

Shape

This one’s pretty typically shaped. It is a bit veiny, which I don’t actually love, but I suppose I don’t mind. Maybe it’s some leftover hesitations about having something realistic, and though I now definitely crave something realistically shaped (like with a head and corona) and colored, but all the veins are a little bit too … skin like? fake? Something, I’m not sure what. No balls on this one, and not quite as floppy as something like Lonestar.

Size

Buck is a very lovely size, I gotta say. It is 6″ x 2″ – I thought it might be a bit small, since the Vixskin cock Maverick (7″x2″) is my very favorite, but that extra inch is not as missed as I expected. Holding Buck next to Maverick, it seems like Buck is a tiny bit smaller around, but they say it’s the same girth. Maybe it’s that Buck has a 2″ head but then tapers a bit smaller and has a 2″ base, but Maverick is pretty much the same width all the way down.

Maverick is just a wee bit too big for good blow jobs. I kind of like that it’s a wee bit too big, I kind of like seeing Kristen try and gasp and gag a little, which she is very willing to do. But Buck is just about perfect. I thought it was the girth that was too much, but perhaps the way Buck tapers that eases that issue. And because it’s a little bit shorter, she can take it closer to all the way down. (Something I always love.)

Buck has quickly become my go-to (after Maverick). My second favorite Vixskin cock, and works for just about all the kinds of sex I might be craving to have. Definitely recommended, especially for folks who think the 7″x2″ of the Maverick is a little intimidating.

Buck was sent to me by Eden Fantasys for review. Buy Buck at Eden Fantasys or your local queer, feminist, sex-positive sex toy shop.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

Review: The Big Cock

I don’t know if this sucker has another name. I’ve just been calling it The Big Cock. Because, well:

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You see, when you write about sex on the Internets, sometimes people send you things. And I came home to this big ol’ box one day about a month ago and um. omg. #sixteeninchcockfail.

Yes, that’s what I said. SIXTEEN INCHES. and 2.5″ in girth.

I kind of thought I could do (ridiculous, campy) a photo shoot with this thing, before it arrived, but when I saw it? No. No way.

I like a big ol’ thick cock as much as the next cockcentric guy, but the size is just ridiculous. It can’t possibly be usable! Plus, it’s a bad material, smells like that awful plastic. So then the question was, of course, what the heck do I DO with it?

So, of course, I asked the Hive Mind, aka Twitter. (Read chronologically from the bottom up.)

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And what do you know! Sending The Big Cock to Courtney Trouble and seeing it possibly make its debut in a porn film seemed like a PERFECT thing to do with it! I wouldn’t get to use it, or be photographed with it, but I think I can easily give up that dream. I don’t think it made its way all the way to California in time for her October 9th shoot (that Jiz Lee mentioned), but perhaps it’ll be in something else. It’s WAY more likely to get used sitting around her place than it is sitting around mine.

So, bye-bye, Big Cock. I hope you find a good new home.

Thanks to sextoy.com for sending me The Big Cock to review. Buy other bondage and kink sex toys through sextoy.com.

Fucking in Public in Liberator Lingerie

Kristen and I dispute how many times we’ve been to the particular play party that we attended on Halloween. I thought we’d been before at least once, but she thinks it was only one other party in the same space. Perhaps because we also attended a completely different party around the same time (where the rocking chair blow job happened) I am blurring the parties together.

Regardless, we hadn’t fucked in “public” in a long time, and Kristen had the perfect costume for the Halloween play party: this “Secretary” outfit from Liberator.

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Okay, you got me: it’s more lingerie than costume. Really it’s just the cuffs and collar that cross it over that line. Not really sure why it’s a secretary outfit, either; I guess because it has pinstripes on it, it is business-y? Whatever. The lingerie is hot. It arrived in a lovely fancy black box in pink tissue paper, and since Kristen tried it on earlier in the week I’d been looking forward to fucking her in it.

This is only the second Liberator item I’ve been sent to review – the first being the Throe, the moisture-proof blanket Kristen and I use pretty much every time we have sex. Well, every time at my house, anyway; we should get a second for her place, too. I’ve been looking forward to more from their product line, particularly some silk pillowcases to see if something higher quality will do less damage to Kristen’s hair, which is inevitably a tangled mess after thrashing against the sheets for a while. (Those of you with fine, baby-thin hair out there may know this problem. So far there’s no cure except conditioner and a shower. Suggestions?)

Instead of the pillow cases, though, they sent us Kristen’s pick for lingerie, just in time for the Halloween party.

It’s kind of hard to order clothes online, especially lingerie, where it should be very form-fitting and specific to a body’s shape. Liberator lingerie comes in x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, and 2x, and the customer service folks told Kristen that it runs small, so she ordered what she thought would be the closest to her size. She seems pretty happy with the fit, but it was a bit of a gamble; we may try a slightly smaller size next time, but it’s hard to say, that one might be too small. Returns to Liberator have to be pre-approved, probably because they do sell all sorts of products for sexiness and they aren’t about to accept used sheets or used sex furniture, but if it’s because the lingerie was the wrong size I bet they would understand. Be sure to ask, though, if you’re not sure.

We dressed at my place; she slipped into it as I got my harness ready under my black slacks, tee shirt, and button-down. When I announced I was ready, she said she was too, and I thought, really? You’re going to wear that out, without anything on top of it? She zipped her jacket up over it, her very short jacket, coming only to her high waist. The garter is almost a mini-mini-skirt, if you stretch your mind a bit, and we were driving, walking only the few blocks from her apartment to the play party. Plus, it IS Halloween, which is practically Scantily Clad Day, and I’d be with her – it’d be okay. (It did make me feel a bit protective, but also hot, that she was willing to venture out into public wearing so little. And knowing I’d probably fuck her later in the same lovely outfit made it all the better.)

We arrived at the play party a bit late; it was packed and going strong. Someone recognized me upon my entrance (who were you? I could barely hear or see, I apologize) and Kristen and I made the rounds, watching the various scenes in progress already: someone holding onto the bars of the “jail cell,” two pairs of dykes giving/receiving blow jobs, someone on a leash being led around by someone very mistressy, a girl with lovely curves face down being smacked by her top in a cowboy hat. Every once in a while the music would quiet just a little and I’d hear someone screaming or yelling or moaning and go investigate – I do love that it is a safe space to come and be naked, be vulnerable, be exposed, and be hot and sexy.

We didn’t stay long, but we wanted to play at least a little. I like to show her off. I like for others to watch her and see how ridiculously sexy she is when she comes or how good she is at her particular talents, like sucking me off.

I’m not sure how it started; with a kiss, I think (isn’t that always how it starts?). I love the way she kisses, from subtle, supple energy to hard, insistent, demanding. I love how she meets me, pushes me for more, mouth and lips and tongue so sweet and open, lovely, tender. I can’t even explain it without resorting to cliche flower metaphors.

Somewhere in the winding labyrinth of little black nooks and crannies I leaned against the wall, feet apart shoulder blades pressing back, cock already tucked into my slacks when I was in the other room, not a packing cock but a fucking cock so it is straining at my zipper and pulling at my belt already. She presses against me and can feel it, rubs up against it, which makes me groan. She winds her fingers through my hair. Puts her mouth to my neck. I feel myself coming undone, coming thickly into my body and connecting to her, those invisible strings that pull us to each other becoming taut.

She wants to be somewhere more public. I want to be somewhere quieter, we were right under the speaker and I can’t hear her noises, can’t hear her breathing. I lead her into the back room, full of signs that read “BDSM and sex only – no chatting please,” where Crash Pad is playing in the background, and I find a chair. We keep kissing before I sit back into it, just enjoying reconnecting and building the sensuality between us.

To be honest, we hadn’t fucked in a while. A few days, probably. Maybe there was some morning making out in there, some quickies, but no half-day laze in bed like we are used to. We kept disconnecting, we’d traveled and had visitors and then were decompressing from a week of socializing, we weren’t arguing but I was particularly exhausted and not communicating that well or being very attentive. It was a relief to let the world fall away outside and just be with her, just feel her back and shoulders and waist, her ass all round and squeezable in that gorgeous high-waist garter.

We kissed for a long time. Standing, arms wrapped around each other, melting a bit, finding the edges of each other again. Finally I pulled back to say, “there’s a chair behind me. I’m going to get my cock out, you’re going to get on your knees. Got it?”

She nods. I kiss her again, so sweet, savoring her lips, and drop back to the chair behind me as she drops to the floor. It is doubtlessly good whenever she ventures to put her mouth on me, but this time was exquisite, the kissing still reverberating on my mouth, still feeling her tongue and pillowy lips, how is it that after nearly a year it just keeps getting better? (I ask myself this regularly.) She kisses the head of my cock, softly. I feel it jolt through my body. Her tongue running along the corona. I shiver, swelling. She pulls it into her mouth deeper with suction and my eyes roll back in my head, I nearly fall out of my chair.

I love to watch her this way. I let her go on, watching the room watching us a little bit, dykes over by the doorway biting their lips and sucking on their fingers absently, eyes fixed. Enjoying them enjoying the view of her ass, her back curved, leaning forward.

The couple in the far corner leaves and the swing is unused. I pull her mouth off my cock with my hand on her chin and kiss her. Her mouth is wet.

“Let’s go back into the corner.”

I tug on my slacks so they don’t fall down around my ankles, lead the way. I undo my button down and slip it off, set it on the bench next to the wall, by the swing and the table that is suspended by chains from the ceiling. She stands next to me as I drop down to my knees and unhook her garter belt to slide her black panties down her legs, then hook up the belt again.

“The swing?” I ask her. “Or the table?” Both are free. She looks over to the table coyly and we take a few steps over to it, maneuver her up onto it. Kind of hard to do without proper leverage. There was a couple fucking right here as we watched earlier and it’s kind of a thrill to do something similar to what they did. She lays back, grabs the chains for leverage, wraps her legs around my waist as I lube up my cock and slide it in. I work it in and out a little, softly, she’s quiet and not nearly responsive enough. I can’t reach her to kiss her from this ninety-degree angle at which we’re fucking.

I can’t hear her, either. The music is too loud, plus there’s porn playing on the TV behind us, and other people fucking nearby, so any joyful noise, so to speak, could be coming from anywhere. I can’t hear her. I can barely see her, it’s so dark in here, a windowless basement with only bare colored dim light bulbs from the ceiling and the light from the TV. It’s not enough for me to tell what’s going on with her, but I can feel it, something’s not quite right.

“You okay?” “Yeah.” She wants it to be okay. (So do I.) But we can both feel something is off.

We mess around for a little while, I hold her, hold her down, push her ankles onto my shoulders so her legs are up, touch her clit, she gets off once or twice. But her heart’s not in it, and she forces it a little, makes it happen faster than necessary. I suspect she wants to go.

I lean down to wrap around her for a moment and she responds immediately, softens and pulls up into me. “Let’s get out of here,” I say. She nods into my neck. We get up, clean up the area, put our clothes back on, I tuck my shirt in.

It was fun, thrilling to debut her lingerie in public, fun to show her off a little, thrilling to watch her go down on me in front of a room full of people. But it isn’t quite enough. We haven’t had enough connection lately. I need some cuddling and intimacy and kisses all night long, wrapping around each other and sleeping late, making breakfast and laughing and leisurely lazing around on the couch watching reruns of 30 Rock, holding hands. I need some quiet to ourselves, with the world on the outside shut off and put away. I need to catch up on the last week, decompress together, let her know what I thought of the parties and people and fun times and her cooking and all the events we’re sharing. I need things to just slow down so I could catch my breath.

I pack up my cocks, we get our jackets, venture back out into the cold, and walk the few blocks back to her place, where we whisper sweet nothings quietly before falling asleep together.

Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven (DVD)

Good Releasing Presents Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out by Courtney Trouble at GoodVibes.comOn Friday, Kristen and I sat down to watch No Fauxxx‘s latest DVD from Reel Queer Productions, Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out. And we decided to “live tweet” our reactions – so we were updating my Twittering account as we were watching.

(When comments are in italics, that’s someone else making a comment directed at me.)

  • watching @nofauxxx’s seven minutes in heaven with kristen. we’ll be live-tweeting our reactions.
  • “hi, I’m carson …” oh yes. we know. #livetweetingporn
  • “she’s cute” – kristen, about joline parton #livetweetingporn
  • mmm we both like the black dress with polkadots. “I’ve got a carson crush.” – kristen #livetweeting porn
  • first scene: nice black gloves & slapping. #livetweetingporn
  • @TeresaIkard: @mrsexsmith @nofauxxx’s Seven Minutes in Heaven was filmed in my flat and I still haven’t seen the hotness. Porn party soon at my house :)
  • @TheresaIkard kicked out of your own apartment! how rude. #livetweetingporn
  • @TeresaIkard: @mrsexsmith I was there but @courtneytrouble is great at respecting performers that some scenes were closed. She takes care of them well!
  • whoa I dig carson’s top. and that redhead is cuuute! #livetweetingporn
  • @audaciaray: @mrsexsmith ok, I love my job, but feel slightly jealous of watching hot queer porn in the middle of the day
  • @audaciaray I have a hunch you’ve had more than your share of watching good queer porn in the middle of the day
  • “who’s that?” (ie: who’s ass is that?) “that’s the redhead.” “ooh, nice.” still into the redhead. also, great music! #livetweetingporn
  • “I want to see her come! I bet it’ll be pretty.” – kristen #livetweetingporn
  • oh, yuck, they’re smoking. definitely a turnoff. #livetweetingporn
  • “I’ll show you my cocks.” – puck goodfellow. hahahah yes please! oohh very nice collection! #livetweetingporn
  • oh damn what harness does puck have?? @courtneytrouble help! #livetweetingporn
  • @courtneytrouble: @mrsexsmith as for puck’s amazing harness, i don’t know where/what it is… maybe its even custom?
  • “oh she’s got a whip now does she? okay … well then … ” – kristen, about carson #livetweetingporn
  • damn who’s that moaning in the background? also, carson is good with the dirty talk & instructions. #livetweetingporn
  • I like carson’s jaguar harness, very hot. “am I doing good?” – puck, aw sweet. #livetweetingporn
  • @courtneytrouble do you have a list of cocks used in this somewhere? can’t quite tell … #livetweetingporn
  • shoot, music swells & can’t hear what they’re saying. love the dirty talk in carson’s scene, kind of hard to find on film! #livetweetingporn
  • “oh my god she’s so hot.” – kristen, about carson. “somebody’s getting off in the other room, a lot!” #livetweetingporn
  • love the blue curtains in the bedroom! & the mirror, pretty. @theresaikard #livetweetingporn
  • carson + joline parton. yes I’ve been waiting for this scene. you can just tell joline is a good submissive/bottom. #livetweetingporn
  • (“hold on, I have to check my work email.” – kristen) #livetweetingporn
  • niiiice pink flush on joline’s ass & cheeks. “look how cute she is!” – kristen #livetweetingporn
  • @jolenestarshine: Watching @mrsexsmith livetweet about 7MiH, and about me especially, is VERY surreal. Thanks for the compliments!!!
  • @jolenestarshine oh! you’re on twitter! now I’m embarrassed. hi. #livetweetingporn
  • gagged (with a washcloth?) … with a lelo in the bathtub … left her boots on … damn. #livetweetingporn
  • “I wouldn’t leave that in my mouth if it were me. but oh I’m not a bottom.” – me #livetweetingporn
  • oh it’s not a washcloth, it’s her panties! (duh) #livetweetingporn
  • are those vampire gloves on tina horn? ow. also, how’d joline get those awesome marks?? #livetweetingporn
  • mmm very nice flogger work, & flogging mini-lesson, by tina horn, I like that inclusion. #livetweetingporn
  • a little truth-or-dare with the whole cast … looks like they’re having fun #livetweetingporn
  • I really like @jolenestarshine’s cute laugh & smile in this truth or dare scene. #livetweetingporn
  • whoa … I think this is about to turn into a gang bang … three cocks out … “this is good.” – kristen #livetweetingporn
  • sarah lee sinful looks HOT with that cock on. #livetweetingporn
  • puck goodfellow is using mr. bendy/silky! VERY NICE. #livetweetingporn
  • “oh this is great!” – kristen “yeah but somebody should put their cock in her mouth … ” – me #livetweetingporn
  • we both got a bit distracted by the finale – “I want to wear a strap on or get fucked by a strap on.” #livetweetingporn

Highlights of the live Tweeting included: Theresa mentioning that the film was filmed in her apartment, discovering that Jolene, the hot redhead Kristen & I kept mentioning, is on Twitter and was reading us as we live-tweeted, and Courtney Trouble‘s comment at the end: “and thats not even the finale!” Oh. Oops. It kind of was the finale for us, we got a bit … um, distracted.

The last scene, though, that we definitely paid attention to, was Carson and Tina Horn. I loved how they got a bit rough and tumble with each other … definitely seemed like two tops goin’ at it.

Can you tell that Carson kind of stole the show?

Photo from CourtneyTrouble.com; see more photos from the 7MiH shoot there
Photo from CourtneyTrouble.com; see more photos from 7MiH

All that running commentary doesn’t really tell you that much about the film, though, does it. Well, here’s the premise:

Reality porn is coming out of the closet in this first ever gonzo queer film. Award-winning director Courtney Trouble invites 7 diverse, fresh-faced performers to a kinky slumber-party for fun and games… only tonight there are no rules, no limits and no bedtime! The amateur cast picks their own partners, their own sex toys and their own ways of getting off. Spin the Bottle inspires an unscripted fuck-fest and first-time fantasies come true during a Truth or Dare strap-on sex scene. With honest video confessions, authentic orgasms and natural bodies, Seven Minutes in Heaven is the real queer deal.

Cast: Carson, Puck Goodfellow, Joline Parton, Sophia, Tina Horn, Sarah Lee Sinful, Jae

And here’s the trailer:

That should tell you all you need to know.

Buy Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out by director Courtney Trouble from Good Vibrations, or through your local feminist, queer, sex-positive sex toy shop. This DVD was provided to Sugarbutch Chronicles directly from Good Vibrations for review purposes.


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Review: Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls (DVD & Streaming)

You may have run into this little site I co-run with Hot Movies For Her called VOD.sugarbutch.net … it’s up there in the “Mr. Sexsmith Recommends” link in the top navigation. Hot Movies For Her hosts streaming porn videos with a focus on women as the consumer, including queers, lesbian, trans, and girl-on-girl stuff. Working with them, I picked some of my favorite porn producers, like Pink & White, Madison Young, Blowfish Video, Trannywood Pictures, Buck Angel Entertainment, Reel Queer Productions, and Bleu Productions.

Bleu Productions you may recognize from the recent review of The Black Glove & The Elegant Spanking DVD – it’s a company run by Maria Beatty, who I actually hadn’t heard of until about a year ago but who has made quite a few lovely lesbian porn films.

So, I sat down to watch Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls through the Sugarbutch VOD a few weeks back.

pacHere’s the premise:

After the Third World War and global warming have transformed the planet into a desert, what remains? Two post-apocalyptic cowgirls in leather and Stetsons! A delicious submissive hitchhikes on a bleak Arizona highway. A car stops. A tough exotic Amazon with a gun and boots invites her into the car. The chemistry between these two sexy, dangerous lesbian chicks is gonna make you hotter than the desert sun. They spank, lick and play with boots, guns, snakes, and cacti in the dust. Their sex is a dripping wet oasis from the heat!

Which, I admit, is a little silly and unnecessary – but the chemistry and sex is really quite good. I liked the knifeplay. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone pee into someone else’s hands before (clearly I am still not an expert on porn, if that’s true), but Maria Beatty does seem to like that as it’s in another film of hers, too. I love the stockings. In fact, this film may have been the direct inspiration for some of my recent dirty thoughts about stockings. I dig the cowboy hat.

This film features the same two girls throughout, in five different scenes. They aren’t butch/femme, they aren’t particularly gender-anything, but, despite that that is probably my primary fetish, I didn’t mind its lack of presence. There is not a lot of power play – dom/sub or top/bottom – going on here either, which I also find pretty much a requirement of what I’d call good sex these days. One of the girls is more in charge than the other, and could perhaps be called the top or the dominant in this film, but the tables do turn and she does get fucked in the end.

I didn’t love her top/dominant presentation in this film, which is probably another reason I am saying that the power dynamic was lacking. Perhaps those of you who like their tops like her would find this very power-heavy and totally satisfying, but I didn’t think she was very inspiring. The sub/bottom was pretty good, but neither of their power roles felt particularly inhabited or inspired. (Plus, the toppy girl kept doing that sucking-air-through-her-teeth thing that really bugs me.)

The best thing this film has going for it is it’s aesthetic. It’s artsy. After seeing The Black Glove & The Elegant Spanking, it doesn’t surprise me that the setting, costumes, and filming are another element of seduction for Bleu Productions. They are paid attention to in ways that other porn films seem to overlook – as long as there’s a place to fuck and sexy clothes to take off, others tend to think that’s enough. I like how Bleu and Beatty put together something beautiful to look at.


If you’re a fan of Pink & White, as I am, this film doesn’t really compare. The queerness, gender, power, and skill in Pink & White is so well done and precisely what I love about sex – nobody’s as good as Pink & White. But looked at on its own scale, Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls is fun and sexy, with a bit of unusual edgeplay.

And don’t forget the sexy sexy stockings. Mmmmm.

(images from cinekink)
Rent or purchase Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls from Sugarbutch’s Video-on-Demand site through Hot Movies For Her.

The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You by S. Bear Bergman

exitS. Bear Bergman has a new book out, The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, which is a collection of personal essays, mostly on gender. And to celebrate, Sugarbutch is helping to kick off a virtual book tour! Thanks, Bear! Thanks, Arsenal Pulp Press!

Bear also wrote the book of gender essays Butch Is A Noun, which I’ve mentioned on this site more than a few times. It is one of the only books written about butch identity in the last ten years so it’s certainly influential to my work and philosophies on gender in general. There are some clips and excerpts from Butch Is A Noun available online and I highly recommend them. That first essay, “I Know What Butch Is,” I quote from often and go back to frequently, I just love Bear’s writing and style in that piece.

When I published Top Hot Butches in the Spring earlier this year, Bear was listed as #48 and was one of the factors of me including trans men in the list of butches in the first place. If I excluded trans men, I would have to exclude Bear, and Bear wrote pretty much the only book on butches in the last ten years – did that make sense? Not really. I thought it was extremely important to include Bear, specifically, which opened up the door to include other trans men as well. Of course, not all trans men identify as butch, but at the time I didn’t think I could include some trans men and not others … and the inclusion was problematic. I do not want to start hashing through that here, this is about Bear’s work, after all, but I really appreciated Bear’s supportive emails and contact around the list and that controversy.

Lots has happened for Bear since the publication of Butch Is A Noun. Ze addresses this right away, in the second essay: whereas during the first book, ze was for the most part perceived as a dyke, partnered with a woman, and lived in the suburbs, and now Bear is pretty much perceived as a fag, partnered with a guy, and living in a fairly big city. This transition from “suburban-dyke-me” to “city-fag-me” seems to have altered Bear’s relationship with masculinity a bit, and many of the essays in The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You address this unpacking of masculinity, tracing it back through history and family (I especially liked the discussions of masculinity through the lens of Judaism and his particular family experience of ‘being a man’), and discussing what it means in some new life contexts.

Arsenal Pulp Press provided this lovely little blurb:

Alternately unsettling and affirming, devastating and delicious, The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, is a new collection of essays on gender and identity by S. Bear Bergman that is irrevocably honest and endlessly illuminating. With humour and grace, these essays deal with issues from women’s spaces to the old boys’ network, from gay male bathhouses to lesbian potlucks, from being a child to preparing to have one; throughout, S. Bear Bergman shows us there are things you learn when you’re visibly different from those around you―whether it’s being transgressively gendered or readably queer. As a transmasculine person, Bergman keeps readers breathless and rapt in the freakshow tent long after the midway has gone dark, when the good hooch gets passed around and the best stories get told. Ze offers unique perspectives on issues that challenge, complicate, and confound the “official stories” about how gender and sexuality work.

I’m still working my way through the book, I haven’t finished it yet, partly because I’m savoring it. I could zip through it a bit faster than I am, but I really appreciate Bear’s perspectives on all of this and I love having access to someone’s inner thoughts about gender, masculinity, queerness, transitioning, love, life … all of those little things, ya know. Sometimes it feels like my own mind eloquently written down, sometimes the concepts are a bit foreign and I have to stop and go over it again. I don’t agree with everything, and there’s some tension between butch and trans here that I am finding fascinating and particularly hard sometimes, but I am so grateful for Bear’s work.

Aside from the virtual book tour, Bear is on an actual book tour, too! Check out the schedule on sbearbergman.com for dates and appearances in Columbus, New York, San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, & more.

Pick up The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, Essays by S. Bear Bergman from Arsenal Pulp Press, or from your local independent (feminist, queer, radical) bookstore.

Review: Nipple Clamps 101

A while back Kristen decided she’d like to try some different nipple clamps. I had one set, a very basic tweezer set, which she liked to wear but which slipped off fairly easily.

I started looking into other options and whoa there are a lot of different types. I didn’t even know where to begin.

So I approached Eden Fantasys and we picked seven different clamps from their wide selection for me to review, compare, and contrast. Kristen & I have needed about a month to get through all of them, but at this point the winners are clear.

As I go over the clamps I reviewed and some other clamps which are available, you might notice that most of these clamps are made by Spartacus Enterprise. I didn’t choose them on purpose, though I do know that their products are generally very high quality. They make great leather goods, too.

My rule is, if I can’t put the nipple clamp on my finger (usually my pinky finger, as they usually don’t have wide enough opening to get other fingers into), I won’t put it on my nipple. So two of them were unfortunately ruled out right away:

Endurance Clamps by Spartacus
The W-shaped Endurance Clamps are the worst here. They are two overlapping Us, and they meet in the center being held together by tension, as if they do not line up they’ll pop open. Not sure how to describe that exactly. They’re actually very difficult to open! The problem is, the metal that lines up is kind of twisted, and it is so damn painful to even attempt to release the pressure with my finger – my thumb – inside the clamp, I can’t even imagine trying it on a nipple. This would only be for people into EXTREME nipple sensation … and even so, there are others that pinch just as hard that aren’t as poorly made.

Butterfly Clamps by Spartacus
The other pair, also called Endurance Clamps, though they are higher quality, are also way too strong to be used. It just pinches so hard that I can’t bear to keep it on my pinky finger for more than the briefest moment. No way. I didn’t try these on any nipples, my own or Kristen’s.

Next, we’ve got some decent clamps, which work well, but have some flaws.

Tit Clamps by Pipedream
The Tit Clamps by Spartacus have a handsome thick chain and no black plastic caps on the end of the clamps, which makes them shiny and quite nice to look at. I thought they’d be too strong, but actually they’re quite nice. I like how they look and they’re quite comfortable.

butterfly
Butterfly Clamps by Spartacus
The Butterfly Clamps were highly recommended to me from various folks on Twitter when I started asking around about nipple clamps, and from what I’ve read the pinching actually gets tighter when they’re pulled on because of the way they’re constructed. That seems like a great idea! But in actuality, they are big and kind of bulky, not nearly as hot as they seem (though I’ve seen some fetish photographs which use them and they are perfectly lovely … perhaps they’re just too big for Kristen’s rather small breasts and nipples in particular?), and they slip off pretty easily. The tension isn’t quite tight enough and the pads which actually go on the nipple are circular and rather small, so they just don’t quite fit right. Seems like for the right person, these would be great, but they weren’t quite right for me.

Adjustable Clamps by Spartacus
The Spartacus Adjustable Clamps, the square-ish ones, are pretty simple and straightforward. Very adjustable, though a little bit slippery because they don’t get quite as tight as the others. The adjustability means that they’ll fit larger nipples which are very sensitive and don’t need a lot of stimulation, but these wouldn’t be great for smaller nipples that want tons of pinching.

What the hell: Last but not least, I threw in a couple nipple clamps with attachments because I thought they might be fun.

Y Style With Clamp by Spartacus
The first, the Y Style with Clit Clamp by Spartacus, is a basic tweezer nipple clamp with an extra tweezer intended to go down and pinch the wearer’s clit. The basic tweezer without the clit clamp is good for beginner nipples especially, and this is the only type of clamp I had before this big ol’ review try-out. Kristen and I couldn’t really get the clit part to work, it either pinched painfully or it slipped right off. We keep saying we need to practice with this some more, but we already tried twice and were disappointed, so I kind of doubt we’ll go back to it again. I wonder if this other Y-Style with Clit Clamp, which are adjustable and not tweezers, would be easier to use on the clit? I might have to get a set of these to try.

The biggest surprise was the Collar with clamps by Spartacus. Kristen doesn’t like her neck restrained and actually actively dislikes choking in porns, usually, so I knew this would be a bit of a stretch, and that she might not even want to try it, but I asked for it anyway because I think it’s damn hot. I know collaring means lots of things in BDSM scenes, but I was hoping Kristen would be willing to try it once, and from all her love of bondage and restriction I suspected that she would like the feeling of restraint.

And she did. We both liked the ways that the clamps fall and curve under her breasts and create this nice curl of chain, the visual is beautiful. I like to be able to pull on the chain and both pull her neck and her nipples. It’s incredibly hot when she wears it around without a shirt. The collar with clamps is the one we’ve gone back to most often, and it’s introduced the collar to us as an option, and as a potential symbol, something that I didn’t expect at all. We haven’t explored this in too much detail yet, but I can tell we both like it.

The clamps that came with the collar are probably the type I would most recommend – what they call the bull nose type, fully adjustable with a rubber tip to protect the nipple from the metal. These are available in clamps that do not include a collar, too.

There are plenty of other nipple clamps out there, but these cover most of the basic types. If I missed one or two, let me know! I’ll still be on the lookout for types I haven’t tried.

Dear Mr. Sexsmith: Packing

Hi Sinclair,

I have a soft packer, which I can carry around in my briefs with no problem. But, when strapping with a cock like Maverick for later use with my girl… it was so uncomfortable because of the way it was pressed down or upwards and the pressure from the base of my cock (which now was at an angle) on my pelvic bone left me sore and bruised. Plus, it looked like I had a huge hard-on. My pants were fairly loose, but it was so obvious that ‘something’ was in my pants… I was very self conscious that it looked like I had a boner and it was extremely hard to relax. I even went so far as to wrap the thing with an elastic bandage around my groin to hold it down. Every time I sat down…pain from my skin being tugged by my cock and the bandage pulling it away from the strap. Not to mention the inconvenience of having to ‘unwrap’ so we could fuck in a bathroom… I have even tried Silky (minus the bandage) by just bending it up or to the side(still looking like a hard-on), and once again, the base doesn’t sit flush when bent and puts a lot of pressure on the pelvic bone. It sort of takes the fun out it, which sucks, because I really having my cock with me and ready to go.

Is hard packing comfortably a fine art or is there really a trick to it?

Thanks in advance!
WrencHer

WrencHer –

Yeah, I hear you there. That’s like the #1 issue of packing, nobody’s really invented a cock that is soft enough in your pants and hard enough to fuck with yet.

I totally know what you mean about packing with something hard and having the pressure dig into your pubic bone, ouch. That does happens to me sometimes. Packing is a bit of a fine art, might just take a whole lot of trail and error. I pretty much only ever pack with either a) packers, soft and not made for fucking or b) Silky/Bendy. The harder/bigger ones like Maverick just don’t work, in my experience – VERY rarely I’ll put one on before I’m at home watching a movie or something, but that’s for when all I’m wearing is boxers and nobody can see me (’cause hello, tentpole!).

I’ve been packing with Silky/Bendy for like four or five years now I guess, and I’ve figure out the angle pretty well for that one so it doesn’t dig into me anymore, I can wear it around easily for a day. I do have to readjust sometimes, but generally I can get it to stay put. I guess having it really tight in the straps around my waist helps, so then it doesn’t shift or move around, but then I keep the straps between my legs looser.

What kind of harness are you using? Maybe try a different one, that might help? I definitely think Silky/Bendy can pack comfortably, so it might just take some more practice. There are two that seem to be the most popular and recommended: the Jaguar (leather, though they also have a vegan one, by Aslan) and the Joque Spare Parts. The Joque & the Jaguar are not my personal favorites, actually, mostly because I really prefer the one-strap harnesses, though it seems like these are favored by most people. Personally I like the commando, and also the Jaguar G, which is the G-string version of the same Jaguar. The leather is SO beautiful and soft and buttery and I just love the design, super comfortable and incredibly hot.

Same with the cocks, it’ll be about a $100 investment, but Aslan Leather (and some of the other nice harness makers too) come with a lifetime guarantee, like Vixen does, so the investment is totally worth it.

Sinclair

Review: The Black Glove & The Elegant Spanking (DVD)

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

I seem to be up to my chest in queer porn DVDs to review these days. Now that I’ve finished the two S.I.R. Productions DVDs, I’ve got Courtney Trouble’s Speakeasy, Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex, Bleu Production’s Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls through Hot Movies for Her, and I’m expecting some films from Buck Angel in the near future, too.

Queer porn is taking off like crazy!

I still constantly hear people say that there’s no “good” lesbian porn out there – that it’s all made for men or is girl-on-girl action, not by-and-for real dykes. That is just not true anymore! Dykes are making some of the most amazing, progressive porn out there, and, based on my recent reviews of a few DVDs which are actually almost 10 years old, I’d say we have been making damn good porn for quite a while.

beattyRecently, I had a chance to check out Maria Beatty’s Fetish Films Volume 1, The Black Glove & The Elegant Spanking from everybody’s favorite neighborhood sex toy shop, Babeland. I was intrigued by the film noir images and the heavy BDSM which includes hot wax torture, foot worship, pinwheels, roleplay, and spike heels, and actually my acupuncturist was the one who first asked me if I knew Maria Beatty or her production company, Bleu Productions. I wasn’t familiar with her work, but it didn’t take me long to become so.

Though this DVD collection of Beatty’s two short films came out in 2003, the films themselves are form 1995 and 1996. They are explicitly lesbian and beautifully shot – if you’re into slow, slow buildup and lots of tension, pretty girls doing naughty things to each other, high femme drag, and strong power dynamics, you should consider this one.

I probably won’t watch it again for the purposes of jerking off or getting in the mood, but I can see possibly putting it on in the background at a party – it is beautiful to look at – and I’ve definitely never seen any porn like it. There’s some odd components, like for example a gas mask in The Black Glove. I’ve never really considered a gas mask sexy and while I understand the purpose of regulating breathing, I found it kind of hard to watch. Very interesting, though, and very elegant.

There is virtually no sound in these films – they do have some musical track to them, but they are for the most part silent, with dialogue cards (which are more like revealing the character’s thoughts) like in silent films. I think what I loved best is that Maria Beatty herself is the submissive bottom in both of these films, which I don’t usually expect of the filmmaker – but obviously she knows what she wants, and goes for it. I wonder if she’s in any other films that she made? I’ll have to research that, she was definitely very sexy.

Pick up Maria Beatty’s Fetish Films Volume 1, The Black Glove & The Elegant Spanking at Babeland, or your local feminist sex toy shop.

Dear Mr. Sexsmith: Harnesses for Plus-Sized Women?

Dear Mr. Sexsmith:

Can you recommend a company or a website that makes strap on dildos for plus sized women? i’ve seen this one on adameve.com, but it’s not aesthetically pleasing at all (i’m not really a fan of the leather diaper look) plus the dildo it comes with is purple, and I would much rather prefer a more realistic looking cock. If you can recommend anything, please let me know. I’m a size 24/26 if that will help you at all. Thanks so much!

Lauren

Lauren –

There are definitely some harnesses out there that would fit & be comfortable, much better than a “leather diaper.”

I tweeted your question the other day and got a lot of ideas. Responses were:

I can definitely speak to the Joque (aka Spareparts) – that’s the one everybody loves these days. it’s not my favorite personally, but it’s extra comfortable and really easy to use, and machine washable. Lots of good things. Outlaw is a fantastic company, they make both the Syd and the Missy-G, and those are kind of feisty, lots of personality.

Eden Fantasys has very good data on all their products in the “overview” part in the left-hand sidebar, including the maximum waist size.

Hope that helps! And hey, readers: what’s your experiences with harnesses for folks who have a bit of extra girth? Got any recommendations, or comments about the harnesses that were mentioned?

Review: Sugar High Glitter City (DVD)

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

Oh, Shar. Oh, Jackie. I’ve already waxed poetical recently about my love for the super hot porn pioneer butch/femme couple behind S.I.R. Productions, but here’s another one for you: their second production, Sugar High Glitter City, from 2001.

Like Hard Love / How to Fuck in High Heels, I watched this over & over. My roommate owned a copy of the VHS I used to watch when she wasn’t home. In fact, the first time I saw it, I’d rented it at Babeland‘s Seattle store (not sure they still do rentals) to watch with my first girlfriend, and when finally we had some time alone in my apartment together, I went to the VCR and popped the tape that was in there out – and suddenly I was holding two copies of it, as my roommate had actually purchased it already. That was weird.

sugarObviously it wasn’t just me but many dykes who were excited about Shar & Jackie’s second release!

Kristen & I sat down to watch this a few weeks ago, and it was even better than Hard Love / How to Fuck in High Heels and better than I’d remembered. The film narration by Honey Lee Cottrell explains that we’re in a different world where sugar is outlawed and sex workers do all sorts of things to get a taste. Then, of course, there are the corrupt cops who shake down the sugar hos for both their sugar and their sex. The outfits are glittery and over the top, lots of makeup and fun really performative costumey items.

Since the whole setting is way over the top anyway, it’s way easier to suspend disbelief and enjoy the occasionally slightly awkward dialogue and scenes, which makes it much easier to get into than Hard Love.

Those who love sugar will especially get a kick out of this film … I don’t love the sexual fetishization of sugar so much because so much of the film treats sugar as a drug (as it basically is), and I don’t think it’s a good idea to sexually fetishize drugs. But I do like it as a play, as a performance of drug culture, as a commentary even on sex & drug desire.

The other thing of note is the fabulous dirty talk from butch Jackie, especially in the beginning scene “Sugar Cop Shakedown.” Kristen turned to me and said, she sounds like YOU to which I responded, actually, I probably sound like her. Where else do you think I learned it?

Worth it.

Pick up Sugar High Glitter City at Babeland, or your local feminist sex toy shop.

Ad: Bride of Sin, Madison Young

Featured this month at Sugarbutch’s Video On Demand: Madison Young’s Bride of Sin

2009 Feminist Porn Award Nominee.

Madison Young is looking for one last fling before walking down the aisle and she finds it with the very sexy Ariel X. Ariel seduces Madison into a world of rope bondage, foot worship, SM and Anal orgasms.

Madison’s day of penance includes a tight bondage crucifixion, an inverted one legged suspension in which she is cleansed with holy water, flogging, anointment with burning hot candle wax, and communion fed on a squirting strap on cock.

Stars: Madison Young, Claire Adams, Ariel X, Selina Raven
Directed by Madison Young
Produced by Blowfish Video

Watch Madison Young’s Bride of Sin here.

I’ll be featuring great films by Tristan Taormino, Madison Young, Buck Angel, No Fauxxx, Bleu Productions, Pink & White, and more, over at VOD.sugarbutch.net from here on out. I’m supposed to review some flicks for HMFH soon too, starting with Post Apocalyptic Cowgirls by Maria Beatty. (That film’s fencenets are inspiring.)

Review: Lonestar

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

I am the biggest fan of Vixskin dildos out there. I should be president of the Vixskin Fan Club. I mean seriously, they are my favorite – well, to be fair, they are kind of everybody’s favorite right now, they are THE MOST realistic feeling cocks on the market. They’re made of this material that is soft and a little bit pliable to the touch, with a firm core, so it is definitely hard enough, but it is silicone, so it is completely sterilizable.

Right there, I’m sold. Any Vixskin cock Babeland offers up, I want to try. (And I have been.)

lonestarHowever, the Lonestar is the first one that I’ve been disappointed in. It’s 6″ long by 1-7/8″ in diameter, a generous girth and just fine length to be sure, but it doesn’t feel like 6″xalmost-2″ when fucking with it.

So here’s what happened. Kristen and I are having a lovely time, making out, my hand between her legs, kissing, feeling each other, having a general romp, when she says, “I want you to tie me up.”

Out come the ropes. Oh it feels nice to have them in place on my footboard again, where they used to live. I was even a bit out of practice – the first thing I did was tie her spread-eagle but all the way taut, with no real room for her to bend her knees or lift her hips. I realized this pretty quickly, I suppose, because uh, if I actually want to get a cock in that girl while she’s tied up, I need a better angle, we both do.

So I loosened the ropes a bit, told her to bend her knees, gave her some extra room.

I couldn’t get a very good thrust going, ever, really. It still slipped out a few times when things got hot & heavy, and I lost the length pretty much every time I pulled out. It’s 6″, plenty long enough for fucking most of the time, I told myself – what’s the problem?

“Maybe it’s the balls,” Kristen said later. Hm, yeah, maybe. It does mean that the insertable length is a bit less. And they’re a bit awkward – they counter-weight the cock down, so it doesn’t have the same kind of upcurve that other cocks (like the Silky/Mr. Bendy!) that are 6″ have.

Then I noticed, when I was snagging the image for this review, that many of the reviews on Babeland mention how it basically points downward, that it doesn’t quite work for many of the reviewers. It’s close – and it seems like it’d be just perfect – but there’s something about the shape of it that doesn’t quite work. Sorry, Lonestar. Better luck next time.

(Don’t worry though – I changed cocks and Kristen and I had quite a good time with her in ropes, being used, being taken, just the way she likes it.)

Lonestar comes in Vanilla, Caramel, and Chocolate VixSkin silicone. Buy it at Babeland or your local feminist sex toy shop.

Cocks & Harnesses Recommendations

This arrived in my inbox recently:

Dear Sinclair,

I’m transgendered so when I strap although some of the cocks are tempting to buy, I’m not very comfortable with unnatural colors and shapes. I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of a good sized, nice material, and realistic looking cock and a nice and masculine harness. I’ve seen some on your blogs that sound good but i wanted a more personal opinion from someone that actually knows what they’re talking about.

– J

And this isn’t the first time someone has asked me this kind of thing. I write about cocks & harnesses all the time here, but sometimes I think it’s probably a challenge to figure out what it is I’m really using, and what I use often.

So here’s what I wrote back:

I’m glad to throw some ideas your way. Sorry to say, you’re going to have to invest some money in a really nice cock. The ones that are realistic and high-quality are freakin’ expensive. But, the good news is, there are some really good ones available. I totally know what you mean about unnatural colors and shapes, they make me uncomfortable too.

The #1 absolute best realistic cocks out there are by Vixen Creations, their line called Vixskin. The material is some sort of silicone (so it is completely 100% sterilizable) that is made to feel like “cyberskin,” which is the most realistic material on the market. It’s a little bit squishy but still hard. Feels *great*, I highly recommend it. They have lots of different sizes (my #1 very favorite is the Maverick (Babeland calls it the Rodeo Rick) that is 7″x2″) and they all come in chocolate, caramel, or vanilla colors, depending on how light or dark you want the flesh tone to be.

The other great thing about Vixen is that they have a lifetime guarantee. That doesn’t cover “misuse” but if it does break down, they’ll replace it. They’re all in the $100 range, so you might have to save up a bit, but they’ll literally last you a lifetime and they are so worth it.

Most of the sex positive, feminist, queer sex toy shops carry Vixskin, like Good Vibes, Babeland, Blowfish, etc. You might want to actually go to one of those places and check out their sizes, hold them in your hands, all that, to feel what feels most like *yours*.

Harnesses … there are two that seem to be the most popular & famous: the Jaguar (leather, though they also have a vegan one, by Aslan) and the Joque Spare Parts

The Joque & the Jaguar are not *my* personal favorites, actually, mostly because I really prefer the one-strap harnesses, though it seems like most people don’t. I like the commando, and also the Jaguar G, which is the G-string version of the same Jaguar. the leather is SO beautiful and soft and buttery and I just love the design, super comfortable and incredibly hot. Same as with the cocks, it’ll be about a $100 investment, but Aslan Leather (and some of the other nice harness makers too) come with a lifetime guarantee, like Vixen does, so the investment is totally worth it.

– Sinclair

Got a question for me about cocks, harnesses, strapping it on, or something else? Email me – aspiringstud [at] gmail.com – or leave a comment and I’ll get back to you as well as I can.

Masturbation is Great! (Review: Off With Your Head Hitachi attachment)

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

You know what sucks? Not getting off. And I really didn’t realize how often I did (ahem, just about daily) or how comforting it is for me as a nightcap or a pick-me-up until I spent the last six weeks crashing on my own couch or sleeping over at Kristen’s house. Not that Kristen wouldn’t have minded if I had jacked off before bed, I’m sure, but usually it didn’t even occur to me, not the same way that it had become just part of my nighttime routine when I was home alone.

About two weeks ago, Babeland offered up the Off With Your Head attachment for the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator, one that I’ve been coveting for a while now. When I purchased my Hitachi in college, I was impressed with the vibration, but it really wasn’t specific enough or delicate enough (hah! If there is one thing the Hitachi is not, it is delicate) and I specifically remember a discussion with one of my colleagues at the writing center where I worked where she said, “get the attachment.” And I said, but I don’t really like insertables, I’m not looking for something to go inside … and she said “no, no, I get it, I know, get the attachment, use that on your clit, it’ll be better, I swear, trust me.”

And so I did, and she was right. An attachment like the Gee Whiz silicone attachment or the G-Spotter focuses the vibration and makes the otherwise overpowering vibration of the Hitachi more specific and concentrated, which is precisely what I needed.

So that was what, six years ago? And now that I’m used to the Hitachi, other vibrators seem awfully worthless. I do think there’s a little truth to the rumor that vibrators make you less sensitive – I know my sensitivity changes depending on what kind of sex acts I’ve been frequenting. But there are other factors too – like what time of the month it is, how I feel about my body, how connected I am to myself or to my lover. So the strength of the vibrator not the only contributing factor to my own sensitivity, but it does make a small difference, and the teeny vibrations of other vibes are just not enough. Although, to be fair, they weren’t enough for me even BEFORE I used a Hitachi, which is the major reason why I got a Hitachi to begin with. I’m just not as sensitive as some of you.

But honestly, I have yet to run across another vibrator that would be my go-to as often and as much and as effectively as the Hitachi. All the high-end vibes that are on the market now, well, some of them are very pretty, and seem very fancy and high-tech, but this is the Cadillac, the classic. I don’t need bells and whistles, just vibration.

It was only very recently that I discovered that the white head of the vibrator comes off, and can be replaced by this fabulous silicone one by Vixen. Makes so much sense – it’s sterilizable, so you can share it with someone and sterilize it, and plus it’s got these ridges and bumps and edges that focus the vibration in the same ways that the G-Spotter and Gee Whiz attachments do, but without the protruding part made to actually penetrate. Which stores better in the toolbox I keep next to my bed, with all the things I want easily accessible, and visually I like it better anyway.

So the Off With Your Head attachment arrived, just about the time that my bed was starting to be bedbug-free, and we spent an hour or so getting to know each other – the new Hitachi head, my bed, and me.

I even mentioned it on Twitter:

Getting off that day, I realized I didn’t really remember the last time I did that, which was unusual, and choked me up a little, actually. You know how sometimes you’re so inside of something that you can’t recognize even what a big deal it is? Today I ran across an old post from Havi saying, “Sometimes we can’t notice that we are in pain and sometimes we are so entangled in our own pain and distress that we aren’t able to pay attention to someone else’s pain and distress.” And while I’m sure that’s true, there’s also the aspect – for me – of being so wrapped up in the pain and distress and so focused on getting out of the pain and distress that I don’t even see the kind of pain and distress I am in. I should’ve noticed that things that I do to take care of myself – like yoga and meditation and masturbation – were slipping away from me, but I didn’t really. I gave them lip service, I thought I was keeping up, but I wasn’t, not really.

I hope this can go on my own personal record as something to note, that if I stop doing things like having a masturbation practice, there is probably something wrong.

Oh – I didn’t really mention the fantastic addition to my masturbation collection, but hopefully that’s obvious. The Off With Your Head attachment has become pretty much permanently affixed to my Hitachi.

And yes, I’m using it much more frequently now, and I feel so much fucking better, thank you for asking.

Buy the Off With Your Head attachment for the Hitachi Magic Wand at Babeland, awesome queer and feminist sex-positive sex toy store.

The L Word Season Six: well, at least it’s over

Damn you, L Word. After five seasons of drama, awful writing, inconsistent characters, offensive gender stereotypes, horrible treatment of trans issues and butch issues and positive sexuality and relationship accountability, I still want to like you. I still watched, because I wanted to be able to participate in the lesbian culture that says “oh my god she is such a Bette, I don’t even know how you can date her.” I still hoped that maybe, perhaps, somehow, it would redeem itself, because, well, I am that starved for lesbian imagery and lesbian characters and lesbian representation. I am so starved that I sat through Shane’s singularly sexualized androgyny and Max’s transition and Jenny’s insanity and every character’s complete lack of growth and the painful dialogue and writing that made me shout at my computer screen. I put up with it because somewhere, I am a little ashamed to admit, I like deconstructing the awfulness that is the drama and bad writing and intolerable plots and horrible representations of … not me.

The L Word: Season 6 DVD – Reserve Your Advance Copy Today from Wolfe for just $44.95, Available October 20, 2009

It’s the final season of the show that won our hearts and got us talking; the show that The New York Times called: “a Sapphic Playboy fantasia” for its unwavering dedication to portraying sexy lesbian characters in a steady stream of increasingly hot and wild story lines. Season 6 is wilder than ever as it revolves around the $64,000 question: “Who Killed Jenny?” Nope, that’s not a spoiler – the first episode begins with that question and we spend the whole season in flashback leading up to the big event. And in the words of that great infectious theme song, Season 6 covers everything from: “Talking, Laughing, Loving, Breathing, Fighting, Fu**ing [sic], Crying, Drinking, Writing, Winning, Losing, Cheating, Kissing, Thinking, Dreaming.” And SO much more.

I wonder if the writers worried that there was no other way to redeem Jenny other than to have her killed. I wonder if they wrote her to be so terribly annoying and inconsistent and bratty and self-absorbed and completely intolerable ON PURPOSE so we would love it when she gets murdered. I admit, when I first heard she was getting murdered, aside from letting out a huge BWA HA! NO WAIT, SERIOUSLY? laugh at the ridiculousness of attempting to add a level of unbelievable suspense to the show, I also said, well it’s about fucking time.

Despite this, the only possible thing that could have kept me watching season six, I didn’t see past the premiere. Mostly because I just couldn’t be bothered to seek out some place that had Showtime. I’m still vaguely curious to know what happened, who killed Jenny (though I hear it’s never revealed) and how the show wraps up, but I do have other important things that might take presidence. Like, you know, cleaning my kitchen and watering my plants and reorganizing all my ties by color. I’m still tempted though … and I just might get the season’s DVDs when they’re available in October, and see if I can’t at least have a good time deconstructing everything that’s wrong with it. I do get a little thrill out of the perfect deconstructive insult.

If you are as curious as I am, or if perhaps you are a fan (I know there must be some of you out there), you should reserve your advance copy today from Wolfe Video, queer-owned community source for LGBT movies since 1985.

Review: Hard Love & How to Fuck in High Heels (DVD)

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

This was absolutely the first butch/femme porn I ever saw, and it blew my mind. I had a VHS version until a few years ago – not sure what happened to it exactly, actually, haven’t seen it since my cross-country move four years ago.

But: it was made in 2000. And I was OBSESSED with it in 2001. So when Babeland offered it up, I jumped, but wondered nervously: would it hold up? Would it be outdated?

Hard Love & How to Fuck in High Heels consists of two different films: Hard Love, which stars Jackie as directed by Shar, and How to Fuck in High Heels, starring Shar and directed by Jackie.

What’s that? “Who are Shar & Jackie?” Oh, right. I talk about them both on a first-name basis as if I know them, but really I don’t. (I did meet Shar once though. She asked me if I was packing. I was. It was hot, and I blushed hard. Did I ever write that story up on Sugarbutch?) They are a queer butch/femme couple, Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano, who I’ve known of since their porn company, S.I.R. Productions, put out both this film and others (such as Sugar High Glitter City – full review of that one coming soon too). I was obsessed with On Our Backs, too, and I vaguely remember them being featured in there at least once or twice. They were a high-profile visibly queer butch/femme couple when I was a babydyke, and I saw them as mentors and roll models, even if I didn’t actually know them.

They’ve now been together 16 years. There was a great article in the The SF Chronicle recently about them and their three kids, which mentioned Sharlene’s Babycakes.


(Photo reprinted without permission from The SF Chronicle)
Okay, back to the review:

Hard Love is not just a porn – it attempts a plot, a pair of former lovers who are still intertwined, and the two others they are now currently fucking. There were a few arguments between the characters – which, though I expected them, I found myself asking my computer, “really? I mean I know this is realistic and all, but can’t I have my porn lesbian-drama-free? Must I deal with lesbionic relationship bullshit? I just want to get off …” yet I found myself invested, identifying with the characters (Jackie especially).

I admire the attempt by S.I.R. productions (which apparently stands for Sex, Indulgence, and Rock ‘n’ Roll) to put together a story, but also find it generally unnecessary, and sometimes distracting.

How to Fuck in High Heels is the shorter, second part of this video, consisting of one of Shar’s performance poetry pieces of the same name. It is smutty, and showcases some great femme wear and cocks and heels, but it isn’t porn the way Hard Love is. I do love it, because it’s Shar, because I’ve seen it a hundred times, because it reminds me of queer performance poetry open mics. But it too is dated, and f I didn’t have the history, the relationship, with S.I.R., I would probably be more critical. Still, in the interest of, ah, the evolution of dyke porn, this is a significant piece. And if you dig hot blonde femmes and strong sexy butches, you’ll love it.

I was thrilled by it when I popped in the DVD and saw the familiar opening scene. You know how some movies are just forever embedded in your consciousness? Yeah, this one is. I studied the sex scenes with Jackie, though I wasn’t certain wy she fascinated me so much. Did I want to do her or be her?

I love the scene when the femme is getting fucked in the kitchen. I love the scene where Jackie’s ex meets up with her boi and does a striptease. I love watching Jackie jerk off while her lover eggs her on with dirty talk. I love Jackie’s enthusiastic jump into the tub to be with her, later.

I loved it, but I hesitated to show it to Kristen. The clothes and hairstyles and shoes were dated. The camera work wasn’t great, either – not compared to the recent high quality dyke porn. I worried she’d be critical of it, and I worried I had too much invested in it, given that it’s imprint is burned on my brain like the burnt in ghostly imprint of text on an old monitor.

Eventually, Kristen and I did sit down to watch it, and her reaction was much as I suspected. We didn’t make it through the first scene, but I insisted we forward it to the dirty talk/jerk off session. “Don’t you want to watch Jackie come?” I enticed, knowing how much she appreciates a butch orgasm. She watched with interest, lips parted. I watched her. Then she insisted we turn it off and go fuck.

I’d say it’s still got it’s charm.

Stay tuned for reviews of Sugar High Glitter City, S.I.R. Production’s 2nd butch/femme porn, and a porn giveaway of both of those DVDs!

You should buy Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels at Babeland.

New film out soon: Steam

I haven’t seen this yet, but the DVD is coming out from Wolfe Films on September 29th, 2009, and I’m looking forward to it. I still have a thing for Ally Sheedy (how can you not?), and I don’t know who this Kate Spiegel is, but whoa she’s cute.

Have you seen it? Was it any good?

Here’s the synopsis:

Steam tells the stories of three very different women, whose lives are linked only by the steam room at the local gym. The women seem “stuck” in life. They are unable to overcome what is keeping them from growing and thriving in their lives, until each embarks on a relationship that will lead them to themselves.

Celebrated veteran actor Ruby Dee (American Gangster) plays Doris, a lonely widower who is in deep mourning for her husband. She has spurned her old church community, where once she sang and played piano. Unexpectedly, Doris finds a new love when she meets the outgoing August. But her new happiness is immediately threatened by August’s family, who suspect her of being a gold digger.

Ally Sheedy (The Breakfast Club, High Art) plays Laurie, a “soccer mom” whose ex-husband has not only hooked up with a much younger women, but who is also shamelessly trying to turn their son against her. The bitter divorce and custody battle has very much dampened Laurie’s spirits, but her life is revived when she gets involved with a much younger man. Chelsea Handler (The Chelsea Handler Show) plays Jacky, Laurie’s best girlfriend, who comically encourages Laurie every step of the way in this risky relationship.

And Kate Siegel (The O.C.) plays Elizabeth, a college co-ed who is living on campus, but is still very much dominated by her strict parents, who live nearby and demand that she attend church with them every Sunday. In her Gender Studies class, Elizabeth meets and falls for the fiery activist Niala (Reshma Shetty of USA’sRoyal Pains). When the two women become lovers, Elizabeth must face her parent’s wrath head on.

Kristen reviews the Hitachi

Review written by Kristen.

hitachiI’ve been putting off this review for awhile. Sin asked me for a draft and I said, “Five words: nothing compares to Mr. Sexsmith.” Which is true, but there are occasions where I need to get myself off. So as a substitute, I’d say the Hitachi Magic Wand is adequate but not life-changing.

At first I wanted to use it three or four days in a row, to test the theory that it would numb your clit with repeated use. But that test didn’t happen. The electricity in my subleased bedroom didn’t work for a week – seemingly irrelevant to this review, but it reinforces a basic problem with the Hitachi: it’s not as reliable as my hands, which are available and functioning 24 hours a day.

I’d used a Hitachi before, somewhat warily. As you might, um, already know, I come easily – “You just need a stiff breeze,” a friend joked recently. I like that about myself and I don’t want it to change. I don’t want to be so accustomed to high-power humming on my clit that I can’t get off any other way. That said, the two or three times I’d borrowed Sinclair’s – we’re fluid-bonded, people, it’s ok – I kind of liked it. And by that I mean I came in seconds and wanted to keep going.

But actually owning a Hitachi is different, and I worried it would become the guaranteed-get-me-off machine. I want to be able to get off when it really counts, i.e. when Sinclair’s fucking me. So I used it once, when Sin was out of town, and it, um, worked. I used my fingers first, had a quick orgasm, got myself wet so I’d feel the vibration a little better, and went to town. I found that the first couple of orgasms came easily from the low setting, but I thought I’d try the higher setting to see if I could handle it. Some people find the high setting is too intense, but after the first few times I came from the low setting, I wanted more – and I could handle it just fine.

And then I brought it with me on a trip out of town – and didn’t use it. I think I wanted a more prolonged, less intense orgasm than I felt it could give me – I wanted a long, slow build instead of a burst of pleasure. That’s not to say I couldn’t have a massive orgasm from a Hitachi, given the right conditions (long, hot fantasy on an afternoon by myself; Sin using it on me while I’m tied up and can’t protest). But nothing beats my hands for a solid 45-minute jerkoff session.

Buy the Hitachi Magic Wand at Babeland.

Keeping a Leather Harness Clean

commando I recently got a new harness, the Commando by Aslan Leather, which has quickly become my new favorite (full review to come later).

Though I have reviewed and tried out many harnesses in the last few years, what I want and what I love to fuck with remains essentially the same:

  • as minimalist as possible, with as little fabric/leather as possible, because I like to wear it under clothes to have it ready
  • single-strap so it goes between my legs (and rubs perfectly on my clit while I’m fucking, which is what enables me to get off sometimes)
  • It should have interchangeable O-rings, since sometimes I like to fuck with large cocks
  • I don’t really care what material it’s made from, if it’s leather or vinyl or vegan leather or nylon
  • I don’t care if it’s locking buckles or D-rings

Really, it needs to be comfortable, relatively bare-bones, and able to get me off.

For some reason, I’m still in search of The Perfect Harness. I seem to have this idea that I just need one, really, and I’ll be able to use any dick I want, and fuck however I want. I’m not sure why I think I can get One Single Harness to do everything I want in a harness … it seems possible, when I lay out my requirements, but I have yet to actually find The Perfect Harness.

I really loved the one I’ve been using for the last year or so, which is a signature harness from Spartacus leathers . Unfortunately, especially with the last seven months and my very active sex life with Kristen, that harness has really seen better days.

[Warning: if you’re not the one usually wearing the harness, and prefer to keep the harness-perfection a mystery, I might ruin it for you with the rest of this post.]

The problem is, the leather has gotten very soiled. And I admit, I’ve been caring for the harness much like I usually cared for my nylon harnesses: washing with warm water and a little soap after using, unhooking the O-rings and using a nail brush to gently clean the leather and snaphooks, and hang it to dry. Here’s where the leather enthusiasts are probably laughing at me: yes, I know there is such a thing as leather soap, and in retrospect I probably should’ve been taking very different care of the leather.

So now I’m asking: how do you keep leather clean? Especially when it is, ahem, very close to very wet bits for very many hours in a week, how do I deep-clean it, get all the come out of it, make sure it doesn’t get that nasty musty wet smell so deep that it won’t come out?

Also, is there any way to salvage leather that is now a bit … dirty? Is there a way to deep-clean it?

Help!!

Kristen & A Spreader Bar

spreader bar

Kristen, featured here with the spreader bar, Liberator Throe, leather ankle cuffs, and Spartacus leather paddle. You can’t see it in the photo, but her hands are tied together and to my headboard.

Though I know photographs are worth a thousand words, I have one thing to add about the spreader bar: because it does not have attached cuffs, you need hooks (shown here with carabiners) and cuffs (or rope) of your own in order to secure a person to the bar adequately. This also means that she’s not exactly held in place, there is a lot of room for her to move around and does not hold her securely in place. If I bought another spreader bar (which I might, I really do love the immobilization) I would purchase one with cuffs included, so there wasn’t as much wiggle room for the person being tied down.

But certainly that doesn’t mean that it’s not beautiful to feel her strain against the force of being spread open.

Buy the spreader bar and other bondage and kink sex toys through sextoy.com.

Review: Liberator Throe, “a moisture-proof playscape for sex”

libthroeblackI’ve seen the Liberator Throe on various sex blogs in the last year or so, and it’s intriguing, but I had no idea if it would be worth the hefty $80 pricetag. I mean, it’s just a blanket, right? And what if it was all crinkly or plastic-y, that wouldn’t be comfortable to fuck on top of at all.

But thankfully, that is not at all how this “blanket” really is.

The point of this is to protect your sheets, couch, floor, car seats, or wherever, from getting covered in lube and come. If you’re thinking, huh? Why would I need to protect my furniture and sheets from things like that? Then this probably isn’t necessarily for you. But some of us have very messy, juicy sex, or have lovers who ejaculate on a regular basis. And this has meant that I no longer have to worry about the big ol’ wet spot we often leave behind. Instead, we just bundle up the blanket, pull up the covers, curl up together, and toss it in the wash the next day.

I’ve got the Liberator Throe in black microfiber. One side is soft and slightly fuzzy, the other is smooth silk. The Liberator website says this throe is “reversible,” but in my experience if you have the smooth-side-down, it will slip all over the place, which is bad for both a) keeping traction while fucking and b) keeping the various liquids from getting all over everywhere. So I’ve found it isn’t quite as reversible as it claims to be. Also, the fuzzier side doesn’t particularly absorb liquids the way the silk side does. Not sure why – it’s not that liquid goes through the fuzzy side, it doesn’t, but it doesn’t absorb and wick away the liquids the same way. It’s 100% genuine polyester with a nylon “inner moisture barrier,” which really does work.

Kristen & I have been using this when we fuck for the last few months, and I wouldn’t want to be without it, especially with a partner who ejaculates. Though I really love the way she comes and squirts, I’ll be honest, I don’t really like thinking about the ways that it is absorbing into my blankets and mattress, or couch or car seats, and having this down means that that is just not on either of our minds anymore.

Just the other day, Kristen said, “I never thought I was paranoid about ejaculating, but this has really been a relief.”

It’s worth it. In fact, we’re going to order a 2nd one to keep at Kristen’s house.

Details:
Purple, red, black, blue, tan, white tiger, or leopard
Shag or microfiber
5’ x 6’
Machine washable
100% polyester (nylon interior barrier)

Buy it on the Liberator website, or at your local feminist sex toy store.

Pleasurists #36: includes “The New Big Cock”

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #35? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #37? Submit it here before Sunday July 12th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

Power, and a Pure Wand

When things get a little out of control in my life, I crave power sexually. Crave that rush that I get when someone’s body struggles and gives in, gives over.

purewandI’ve been craving power lately, like a drug, a junkie needing a fix. My fantasies are getting increasingly harsh and occasionally violent, which sometimes scares me. Sex acts alone don’t seem to be enough to get me off. And since I got a Pure Wand from one of my favorite sex toy stores, and since Kristen moved to my neighborhood, I’ve been getting off a lot more in general. I’ve wanted a good g-spot insertable that is not a cock; as my own cockcentric sexuality has developed I have been more averse to being fucked by a cock, but I still do enjoy that feeling of being filled, of squeezing tight around something, of straining to open.

But: back to power. I feel it from my fantasies and it rushes through me, I feel it coursing in my veins, muscles, tendons, bones. I want to feel strong, crave it, want to feel invincible, indestructible, like I can do anything, have anyone, take anyone down.

While getting off the other night, I let my mind wander. Scary when I do this, sometimes, for the dark places it goes. I ask myself, why is that hot? Why does that ‘do it’ for me, when so many other things don’t?

Power is sexy.

When did those wires get crossed in me? I watch and observe the ways that I am built, deep, where I allow myself to be overridden, to be rewritten, where I allow myself to get overwhelmed by the outside world, empath that I am I cannot help but to take it all in, and sometimes I crave so deeply to push back, draw thick lines around myself shut out the world. And lately – the past few years – that has manifested in sex as my topping, my desire to control, coerce, force, overpower, take, split open, break down.

And when things feel out of control, I crave it all the more.

I question the health of this, at times. But I am nothing if not extremely, extremely careful, cautious – overcautious in fact, overanalytical and overobservant, paying so much attention to others that sometimes I forget to pay attention to myself. And that’s why I crave this kind of play: situations that we construct, consensually, in order to explore power. Because just as I crave to take, control, overpower, so does someone else seek to be taken, to be controlled, to be overpowered.

There’s nothing really to say about the Pure Wand that hasn’t already been said. It’s one of the most coveted sex toys out there – ask any sex blogger and they’ll swoon over it a little. It’s beautiful, sleek and heavy, made of solid stainless steel. The weight of it in my hand (and in my cunt) makes me feel more grounded, more solid, more rooted to the earth. And I need that right now. Perhaps it’s the vibrant brightness of midsummer’s long, long, endless days that makes me feel exposed, like the spotlight is shining on me, like I’m being burned to light instead of my feet in the dark thick mud of the earth, that creative, nurturing soil where life is made, where strength and power flows freely.

I crave it. Desire it. Want it, need it.

A beautiful book I was reading yesterday deconstructed the word “want” a little, explaining that to be in a state of wanting is to always be in a state of inadequacy, of incompleteness, of unsatisfaction. The author was specifically discussing how to state intentions around the creative process and tapping into a spiritual source, and the ways that intention actually communicates with energy and manifests reality. I love this idea, and I do understand the ways the concept of “want” puts us in a state of less-than, of not-whole. And while I do also crave that state of wholeness, this feeling of deep desire that arises in my belly when I start to feel the power rising in me is at times intoxicating, and I wouldn’t want to give that up. But perhaps instead of feeling like that puts me in a state of desire and want and thus inadequacy, maybe I can think of it as being in a state of power, of control, of strength. Revisioning that, just ever-so-slightly, means that I become what I am to be, instead of wishing I was in another state.

Because perhaps I have already arrived.

Buy the Pure Wand at Babeland.

Review: Randy, The New Big Cock

I had to change o-rings for this one. Thick and dense and contoured and completely stiff, unlike the squeezable Bandit that she’d been sucking off minutes before. I like to fuck her with the same cock she’s just blown: the reminder of it in her mouth, the tug of the harness in similar ways. Shoving my fingers down her throat so I can feel how she sucked it. Filling her up.

Except – I wasn’t. Wasn’t filling her. The cock that is perfect for bjs is not perfect for fucking, it doesn’t give that strain of her pussy against me, doesn’t make her gasp and open practically involuntarily.

I wanted something larger.

randySo I reached for Randy, new from one of my favorite sex toy stores and as yet untested. I was unsure I could fuck her with it. It is short, maybe too short; seems like cocks are either fat or long, but both of those together and you get into the novelty and/or gay boy ass toys sections. Toys for pussies seem to be either one or the other. The shorter they are, the harder it is for me to get a comfortable thrust. The other extra-thick cock I have – which is shorter and less thick than Randy – I barely even ever try to fuck with, it’s hard to get the angle right without just popping out of her every time I slide out.

But this girl … we know how to fuck. We have all the angles. I know how to get more space to thrust by holding the backs of her thighs, looping my arm around her shin and pushing her knees to her chest, by putting my elbows to the undersides of her knees.

Cock in my fist I pressed it against her, and it occurred to me for the first time that it might not fit. “You might have to get on top of me,” I warned, “Not sure if this is going to work.” But I felt her open and press against me. “Ohh that feels good, I know you can take it, open up for me, let me in.” She moaned and pressed her thighs open.

I slide inside with caution, feeling her swallow me and close up as I pressed all the way in. She brought her legs around my waist, arms around my shoulders, then up under the pillows, pushing the headboard away to press against me harder. I shouldn’t have been worried; we could fuck with this just fine.

Keeping one hand on the cock so I can feel it in and out, so I can know if it comes out, so I can feel her tight against me, and the other hand with my fingers in her mouth, or palm covering her mouth, “quiet girl, it’s early, don’t wake the neighbors,” or hand gripped on her upper arm or behind her head for leverage, she came two, four, I don’t know how many times. My fingers thrum her clit and she comes again, again.

She started squirming, pressing desperate against me with that hungry desire that means she wants more, wants it harder. Soon enough she started asking for it, too, her whine in my ear, getting rhythmic and repeditive, give it to me give it to me, yeah fuck me deep, fuck me deep, fuck me deep and I fumbled a little. “You sure? You okay? It’s kind of big, I don’t want to hurt you – ”

“No, it’s good, it’s so good, give me more, more baby more.”

Alright, fuck it. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been holding back, unsure of driving this new thing. But here she was begging, she’d already come half a dozen times at least, surely she can handle it.

She came again, harder this time, our eyes catching and breath slowing. Then she asked, “Can I get on top?”

Why not. Try out another angle, make sure it’s a thorough review. (Ah the things I do for my work.)

“You might need more lube … ” I reached for the bottle on my nightstand as she lowered onto my cock with a moan. Okay, maybe not.

“I’m … so … wet,” she managed, before starting to rock back and forth and losing her words.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. I lose myself when she’s on top, and I just love to look at her, watch her, feel her, run my hands along her body, let the pleasure between us rise & fall.

She often squirts like this. Something about the angle. I think we could both feel it building in her, and she pulled up and put her hand on her clit while still riding my cock.

“Want me to … ”

“Do it, baby.”

She rears back, hips bucking against me and pussy tightening so hard that she pushes the cock out, before she gasps, moans hard, squirts all over in a wet gush, soaking my harness and my hips and stomach. I can feel it drip down my sides onto the sheets, my nice new sheets. I knew they would get broken in sometime.

“You know, this is why we have a Throe,” I laughed. That blanket has saved my bed on many occasions, we kind of need one for her house too. Makes it much more fun to watch her and make her squirt, takes away that twinge of “oh no my sheets” that does tend to plague me.

I pull her close, kissing her, god I love it when she does that. So hot. “So, seal of approval?” I ask, referring to the cock.

“Oh god yes.”

Purchase Randy (6″ x 2-1/5″, silicone) at Babeland.

Pioneers, Visionaries, Safe Havens, and Glitter

My article on the 2009 Lambda Literary Awards is up on CarnalNation, and I’m proud of it. I loved going to the awards and I am grateful to CarnalNation for sending me – and to Seal Press for sending me a couple of the books that were finalists!

It’s amazing how little news coverage the awards got, really. I was looking around as I was drafting this and all I saw were bitty little mentions on blogs, no major news coverage. I guess that’s not surprising, just a little sad.

Here’s the beginning of my article, to entice you to read it:

The 21st annual Lambda Literary Awards returned to New York City for the 2009 ceremony at the New School for Graduate Studies in midtown Manhattan, after presenting last year’s awards in Los Angeles. It seems appropriate that the awards would come of legal drinking age in Gotham, amidst solid grey skies and a drizzle, where writers stoop over bourbon in dark East Village bars. Writerly brooding just isn’t the same on the beach with bikinis and sunshine.

The Awards began in 1988, and though the specific categories have evolved since then, with the addition of bisexual and transgender categories and, eventually, the fizzling of the AIDS-related category, the Awards reflect the movements of the queer community for the past twenty years, and the best of the best new and seasoned authors are recognized and awarded. It is one of my life-goals to read all the winners—at least for the lesbian fiction category, if not all the others.

As someone whose life was changed and saved by queer books, I was thrilled to be attending the awards ceremony. I sat in the back so I could see the authors jump up when their name was announced after “and the winner is…” so I could see their lovers’ and friends’ faces as they hugged, clapped their hands, kissed on the cheek. And then the long walk to the stage and the acceptance speech: “I know it’s cliché to say that I didn’t prepare anything because I didn’t expect to win, but it’s true!”

Read the whole thing over at CarnalNation.

The complete list of winners is at the end of the article; pick out just one of them, at least, and read it, will you? These are amazing books which have been honored, and deserve reading.

Giveaway: the Grip boy toy

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

I know there’s been a lack of long, smutty, or gender posts lately – I’ve got some deadlines and some events that have been keeping me busy lately. Follow me on twitter for daily snippets, if you want, and I promise I’ll tell you all about the rope and spreader bar and blow jobs and other fantastic dirty things I’ve been doing with Kristen as we keep falling for each other, just as soon as I have a little more time to clear my head and write again.

gripWell – now that you’ve seen my extensive review of how boys like me can jack off with the Fleshlight, I’ve got one more jack off toy to share with you: The Grip.

Unfortunately, this toy was a bust. I got it from Babeland because it was a) silicone – say it with me, kids: sterilizable! and b) made by Vixen Creations, ah be still my heart. I love that company.

It’s 4-3/4″ x 2″, but: it’s a sleeve, which means it’s got holes at both ends, and doesn’t create any suction whatsoever. It was so apparent that this wouldn’t work for my particular, uh, cock needs, that I didn’t even take it out of the packaging.

So I’ve got this poor lil Grip sitting around, all sad & lonely. And that’s where YOU come in – would you like to give this toy a new home?

Leave a comment and I’ll pick one number at random. Just tell me one thing about how you masturbate, I dont’ care what it is, something like: What’s the most interesting place you ever masturbated? Or tell me something about masturbating, or tell me … something else entirely. May was National Masturbation Month, after all, we may as well honor that (even if it is already June).

I’ll pick a winner on Monday morning, you’ve got all weekend to add your name to the pool by leaving a comment.

Review: the Famous Fleshlight

This episode of fucking with gender is brought to you by Babeland, one of the most fabulous feminist, woman-friendly, gender-friendly, and queer-friendly sex toy stores, and the (in)famous male sex toy: the Fleshlight.

Oh boy. Where do I begin?

the caramel color
the caramel color

I’ve never fully written up the Mr. Man dildo – or the ‘blow job cock,’ as I tend to think of it – so let me introduce you to that first. Because without Mr. Man, I have even less use for a Fleshlight.

Mr. Man is by Jollies, and is 8.5″ long (6″ insertable) and 1.75″ in diameter, with balls that hang in front of the base, in front of the harness’s o-ring. The first draft of this cock was not made to go into a harness (you may’ve seen some of those reviews from some other sexblog folks last summer), but let me assure you, this one can strap on just fine. It is dense silicone, hard plastic but high quality, not very squishy but sterilizable, and it comes in “realistic” colors of chocolate, caramel, and vanilla.

The real kicker is this: it has a shallow indentation at the base made to go over the wearer’s clit, and a hollow center, a narrow tube down the middle from tip to base, which means when sucked, the wearer can feel pressure at the bottom. Yes, you can actually get off from a blow job with this cock.

Kristen (ever the willing co-toy-reviewer, I so appreciate that about her) says it’s actually a lot of work to keep that much pressure going while working on this cock. We’ve played with it quite a bit (remember the Rocking Chair Blow Job? Featured this cock) but I don’t usually grab for it when I want to get blown – since I got the Bandit I tend to go for that one. But that doesn’t mean this cock still doesn’t hold a certain thrill – oh lord it does – and I would list it in my top 10 toys, for sure.

I personally have never come this way. But damn, it feels goooood to feel her mouth working on me. I’ve often wondered how I could perhaps get better at using the Mr. Man, so I could come more easily. And I think that’s where I first came to the idea of playing with a Fleshlight or another guy’s toy, to practice the feeling of pressure on my clit that the Mr. Man creates, and see if there are perhaps better positions, or angles, or something, that make it easier for me to get off.

fleshlightSo I jumped on the chance when Babeland offered it up.

First, some information (copied from Babeland’s site): The Fleshlight is 8 inches in length with a removable base for greater length or vibe insertion. Made of phthalate-free “Reel Feel Super Skin.” The diameter is variable, 1/2″ x 3-1/2″. (The “reel feel super skin” part means it is NOT sterilizable, but it tends to be a solo toy, so unless you’re sharing, that probably doesn’t matter. Just something to note.) The inner part – the pink part – comes totally out of the case and can be turned inside-out for cleaning, which should be with warm water. In order to keep it soft, like many of the other “real skin” toys, it should be dusted with cornstarch.

I know, I know, you want to know that good stuff. What did it feel like to stick my dick in it? Did it feel like fucking? Was it possible to get off?

I could definitely feel it – the Fleshlight did create enough suction to pull on the Mr. Man and feel it in my clit. But I didn’t get off that way, and after a while (a few minutes at least, my hand was getting awfully tired) I keep getting increasingly frustrated – why not just use my hand?! It feels like … the cock and the Fleshlight are just in the way. And my hand gets really fucken tired – it’s a pretty tight fit, as you can imagine my cock doesn’t have any give to it, really, so sometimes it’s really tight and a lot of work to get it in and out.

It really wasn’t the fireworks I was hoping for.

But then, I ran across Babeland’s How To Use The Fleshlight guide, and that helped. Read some reviews of it, too, and that made a difference. I soaked it in warm water before using, and I lubed it up a lot better than I had before, which made it more pliable and easier to fuck. I tried it out in as many positions as I could think of, and thrusting into it rather than moving it on my cock is better, but problematic, and still a bit uncomfortable.

I like the idea of having it mounted somewhere, or between the mattresses, or somewhere stationary, but uh, that’s kind of more like fucking a real person, I guess, which is why it feels better. I know it’s not like all of us can just go, “hm, do I want to fuck the Fleshlight, or should I fuck this attractive chick, here?” I assume there’d be no contest. But for me, the options are more like, okay, do I want to wait until I can fuck a real person strapped-on, and get off with my hands actually touching my clit, or do I want to fuck the Fleshlight? And that’s a pretty easy answer.

I haven’t written it off entirely, and there is something about the genderfuckery of it all that is very appealing – and hot. I think I’m kind of hard to get off, in general, and this doesn’t really seem to make it any easier, so while I might get occasionally inspired to get back to it and try something else, I don’t think I’ll use it regularly.

I’m so glad I got a chance to try it, though. I never would’ve known, and I always would’ve wondered.

Review: Reclaiming Eros (book)

eros1Reclaiming Eros: Sacred Whores and Healers has won an Independent Publisher Award in the New Age (Mind-Body-Spirit) category! Congratulations to the co-authors, Susanne Blackburn and Margaret Wade.

I picked up this book probably about two years ago, primarily because I recognized some of the names of the people it features work with the Body Electric School, which I’ve been involved with for about eight years now. The main content of the book are extensive interviews with and statements from healers who primarily work with sexual energy, like Betty Dodson, Annie Sprinkle, Rudy Ballentine, Joseph Kramer, and Alex Jade. They’re sex workers, kind of, but many identify as sacred healers, or sacred whores. The language conversation that threads through the book is definitely interesting – who are you, what do you do, and what do you call it? There is a long history of being sexual healers in this society, but it’s a profession that has been so heavily shamed and weighed down with our leftover puritanical ideals.

There’s a chapter at the end which also discusses how to get involved with a healer, what to expect, what you might want to do, what questions to ask, which I highly recommend. This whole book will give you a better idea about erotic energy work, right from the mouths and brilliant brains of many of the pioneers and trailblazers of the industry and movement. It’s beautiful, and I highly recommend it if you’re intrigued by sexual healing and if you want to know more about what is going on with this work now.

Visit reclaimingeros.com for more information about the book.

Hogtied.

cnvax-b-hogKristen sits on the edge of the bed. I kneel, take her calves in my hands, shackle the ankle cuffs on her one at a time, then rise and hold out my hand for her wrists.

I love this part. A tiny moment of patience and waiting as I’m not sure if she really will give me her hands, or if I’ll have to take them. After one breath too long, she looks up at me, brings her hands together, and pushes them forward.

“One at a time,” I say, and wrap black rope around one, then the other. Four points of tension, four points of restriction, four points of restraint. She’s ready. I can see it in her eyes, that impulse to struggle, to strain against the edges of what is possible.

I pull her by the dangling rope back onto the bed. Push her down, push her legs open, hold her there, then turn her over.

I love that meditative bell-like sound of metal on metal that belts, cuffs, and leather straps with D rings made into hogties make.

She knows what I’m going to do. I’m nervous, haven’t used this before. I use clips to get the cuffs connected to the hogtie, tie the rope directly. She’s on her stomach. It makes an x over her back that is beautiful, seems like a natural object to put onto her body, contoured to her curves like jewelry. There’s more room in the tie than I expected. I thought her limbs would be pulled taut, but in reality she can move around quite a bit, though at some cost. She gets her hands under her shoulders to lift herself up, can pull her knees under her to get her ass in the air.

(I like that.)

I let her try out the restriction, the limitations. She’s not tied to anything, only to herself, and she’s small, so there’s quite a bit she can do.

After a minute I catch her by the hair. “You’re starting to squirm.” I say, low in her ear.

She breathes out, a tiny voice. “Uh huh.”

I’m still mostly clothed, but my cock is out, hard, stiff from my fly. I kneel behind her, push on her shoulderblades so she’s facedown on the bed again, and tease her pussy with the head of it. “Waiting to get fucked?”

“Yes,” she says in a small voice.

“What?”

“Yes.” Louder.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I’m waiting to get fucked. Fuck me, please, please, put your cock in me, baby, ohhh … ” and I do, of course I do, when she asks so pretty like that.

I leave her hogtied for a while, taking her as I want her, telling her to put her ass in the air for me, get up on your knees, head down, face still shoved into the blankets of the bed as I pound her, biting her shoulders, slide in and out, she’s so wet, slamming into her hard, from behind, from above, until we both collapse, my mouth at her ear, at her cheek, at her neck.

Later, I untie her hands and leave her legs bound. Then unhook her ankles and hold her, weave our bodies together, faces nearly touching on the pillow.

Thanks to a particular sex toy store for providing the hogtie, one of their many bondage items. Kristen thanks you, too.

Review: Crash Pad 4 (DVD)

cp4“This is another unmissable installment of the finest feminist lesbian porn series around.”

First, I have to confess, I have completely misplaced the Crash Pad #4 DVD that Blowfish sent me. I keep thinking it’ll show up, but I’ve cleaned my room and I am generally pretty darn organized – I just have no idea where it went.

And then I saw the the announcement that Crash Pad 4 is officially out and available on the Blowfish Blog and thought, aw shit. Better get moving on that review.

So Kristen and I settled in to some blueberry pancakes, logged in to my Crashpadseries.com account, and set to watching each of the episodes individually.

Here’s a scene-by-scene recap, with a couple thoughts:

  1. Brooklyn Flaco and Carson. Both are genderqueer and boyish, though when Carson’s hair comes down she starts looking more feminine and I really liked that (obviously, my bias shows through here). Lots of I-do-you-you-do-me switching (or, your-turn-my-turn sex, as another friend says), using their hands with no cocks or toys. I was getting into it when Brooklyn starts fucking Carson at the end, but then Carson doesn’t really come – or, if she did, it was kind of imperceptible. I was expecting a big finish. Their scene was too quiet – where’s the dirty talk? Where’s the noise? Where’s anything aside from heavy breathing?
  2. Jiz Lee and Dallas. Both genderqueer and boyish, with a big bag of toys to share. They are clearly into each other and having a great time. I think Dallas is freakin hot – especially when she’s toppy – and the whole scene is really playful. Jiz gets fisted [which I believe you can’t show in a DVD, so the online episode is probably a bit more explicit than what you’d see if you purchased it] and squirts, which I always like to see. 
  3. Toppy Sadie Lune and sub Tricksie Treat. They enter into the scene with some roleplay which felt awkward and forced, but I did like how Tricksie submitted, later. We skipped through most of this one, it was awkward and actually kind of hard to watch.
  4. Butch Cash and femmey Stella. Cash is in a button-down and tie (hot!), Stella’s hipster hair was distracting. Stella straps on and fucks Cash for a while, and Kristen’s favorite part was when Stella’s fingers were in Cash and Cash jacks off, and comes hard. It’s actually kind of rare to see a butch getting off in porn, and I have a feeling Kristen will go back to this scene for that part especially. I found myself getting kind of uncomfortable a few times – is that what I look like? I look like that, don’t I? – feeling exposed, but also a little fascinated with the ways that masculinity plays on a female body. The scene closes with doggy-style fucking – this time Cash is strapped on – and Stella comes hard, and hot. I’ll watch this one again.
  5. Top Ex and sub Muscle Beach. MB is very boyish and fucking adorable – I will definitely look her up and watch more scenes. Ex is a badass top, very impressive and clearly very skilled; she’s got this long hippie hair, round body, and nice smile, which made me think she was going to be a sweet and kind of motherly top, but she was a badass daddy type and her confidence and expeirence as a dom were mesmerizing. It seems obvious that she and MB haven’t played together (much? at all?) before, were surprising each other a little bit, but turns out I’m WAY wrong about this – according to their bios on Crashpadseries.com, they are long-time lovers! It’s definitely clear that they had a repor, laughing, playful, having a great time together. Ex does some ropework, some humiliation (ashing her cigarette into MB’s mouth? Ew), and orders some bootlicking … she gets her cock out and Kristen exclaimed, “well, that looks familiar!” Indeed it was the same one I was wearing, occasionally groping, as we’d moved from the kitchen with our pancakes to the bed to watch the final few episodes. I’d watch more with Ex, I think she’s got a few more scenes on Crashpadseries.com if I remember correctly.

Overall: the sex is skilled, the chemistry is hot, the depictions of queerness are real and varied. I will probably watch the butch/femme scene again, but generally this isn’t one of the DVDs I’ll watch over and over. Of course, I have a particular bias toward the butch/femme dichotomy, so generally that’s a prerequisite for scenes that I watch again and again.

One of the questions Kristen and I kept kicking around was, where are all the butch/femme couples in porn? I mean, I know it’s all passe to be pro-labels and into the butch/femme dynamic, but there seem to be a real lack there. There’s a lot of genderqueer folks fucking other genderqueer folks, there’s quite few femmes … but where’s the butch/femme? If you’ve got recommendations, let me know.

While I’m talking about it, here’s a note about Crashpadseries.com: I put off getting an actual membership for a long time – long after I’d seen the DVDs, long after I’d watched the trailers and freebies on the site (over and over and over). I mean, the internet is for porn, right? I have this general philosophy that I just don’t pay for porn on the internet, that I don’t subscribe to websites.

But damn if I wasn’t missing out. Now that I have a full membership, I really wonder what took me so long – and I kick myself a little for not getting the membership sooner.

This is the best porn out there, people. If you’re willing to spend $35 on a DVD like this one – and you should! because it’s amazing – consider spending $35 on a month-long membership to Crashpadseries.com and trying it out. You won’t be disappointed, I guarantee.

blowfish

Review: Bandit

banditI’m pulling from my cock-review structure to give you the low-down on the Bandit, a Vixskin silicone strap-on cock.

Shape:
Immediately, the shape is what makes this unique from many other cocks, even many other silicone Vixskin cocks: it has balls, which are made to fit behind the harness’s O-ring. I was worried this would interfere with the strap of my harness (which, since it’s a single-strap like a g-string, hits my clit perfectly and makes me able to get off while strapped on & fucking), and though the extra material behind the O-ring does mean that the harness doesn’t quite hit me the same way, I’ve already gotten off twice while fucking with this cock, so if I’m not coming it isn’t the fault of the dick.

It does have a great head and shape to it, no particular curving, not a lot of veins but a little bit of realistic texture. Definitely very realistic in shape. It comes in three standard Vixskin colors – chocolate, vanilla, and caramel.

Size:
I thought it would be a little small. It’s 7”x1 3/4”, and my favorite (aka “desert island dick,” since I’d take it with me to a desert island) is 8”x2”, so I figured eh, I’ll try it out, but I’m sure Maverick will still be my go-to cock most of the time.

Turns out, the 1/4” width makes a big difference, especially for blow jobs. The cock is smooth and not too highly textured, which, Kristen tells me, makes it go down easily. She can take it deeper and for longer than she can Rick or another larger cock, so I have been picking this one up to use quite a few times since I got it, because, well, shit, she sucks my cock so pretty, I always want her to do more of that.

It is also much more floppy than the Rick cock, perhaps because it has such less girth, so the silicone is less dense in the center? Or maybe there’s actually another hard material in the center of the Rick, which is not in the Bandit? I’m not sure, perhaps someone from Vixen will be able to answer this for me (or someone who spends a lot of time dissecting sex toys, which, I’m just sayin’, seems like a waste to me). So, because it has a lot more give in the shaft of the dick, it is so much easier to pack with! I probably wouldn’t go out in public wearing this, it would just not be discreet enough and does get a bit pokey in the pants after a while, but for hanging out in the living room, watching another episode of Mad Men and drinking a martini, waiting for permission to fuck her again? It tucks perfectly into my jeans.

And goodness knows, I like to be ready when she is.

Material:
High-quality silicone, the special “vixskin” kind that Vixen Creations makes, which means it is more like cyberskin (malleable, kind of soft) than it is like the hard kind of silicone cocks which are predominant in sex shops. But, since it’s silicone, it can be completely sterilized.

I’m impressed with the Bandit. I thought because I already have a couple different silicone Vixskin cocks from their collection that it’d be something I liked, but not something I used all that often. But that hasn’t been true – I’ve picked this one up a lot in the past few weeks since it arrived. I love having my choice of cock for precisely what I want to do – I love being able to choose just the cock to fuck her right.

Happy Anniversary, Tristan! (and butt plug review)

As of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

Really, this is a review of the Tristan butt plug for one of my favorite sex toy stores, but it’s also a shout-out to Tristan Taormino, who designed said butt plug, in celebration of her tenth anniversary in the biz. Babeland’s running a special sale on some of her goodies – get ’em while they’re cheap!

Tristan Taormino is the acclaimed female director of sex-positive adult DVDs, award-winning author of how-to sex books, editrix of erotica, and designer of her own butt plug. To celebrate her 10th anniversary in the biz, we are introducing her new Anniversary Edition Plug (solo or in a Combo), plus her Expert Guide DVDs are on sale for 15% off.

tristan_packs_a_punchI’ve known about Tristan’s work for a long time. Even before I was out, I scoured the Best Lesbian Erotica series (I read 1998’s so many times that it practically crumbled in my hand and I had to replace it) and pored over her Village Voice sex advice column, Pucker Up (if you missed it, pick up her book True Lust which is a compilation of some of her best). I’ve had the privilege of working with Tristan in a rather minor way, as I’ve been published in three different Best Lesbian Erotica books that she has edited, and I’ve had the chance to chat with her (briefly!) at release readings. I’ve been so excited to have even a small part in the BLE books – to help contribute to the same series that helped me mold and shape my lesbian identity feels like coming full circle, which is such an honor and humbling.

Lately, though, Taormino has not just been writing – she’s been directing porn, too. Mainstream porn, one would probably call it, as it features some well-known porn stars and most of the content is straight. While I do wish more queers were making good queer porn, I’m also glad that there’s straight porn being made by queer folks – maybe some of our radical sexualities can seep in when they least expect it, muahahaha.

I have a copy of her Expert Guide to Cunnilingus, but I’ll be honest, I’ve never watched it. Anybody out there seen it? Maybe I should dust it off and see how it is.

Have you seen any of the Chemistry series of DVDs that Taormino has done? I’ve seen a few – I don’t usually care for straight porn, but I really did enjoy watching the interviews with the porn stars (no really!) about their experience in the industry. Honestly, it was Roxy in Chemistry 3 that sold me – I even looked up some of her other work after seeing her in this one, she was just so damn hot and cute.

And I have yet to see a better blowjob scene than the one in the beginning of Chemistry 3 with Derrick. I mean, yes, Dylan Ryan is quite impressive, don’t get me wrong, and a queer femme with a butch cock in her mouth wins, hands down – but, wow. Roxy, and her tongue. Wow.

But wait – this isn’t about blow jobs. This is about butt sex! Tristan used to be referred to constantly as the “anal queen,” ’cause she was all about the ass. I remember her saying something like, I know my asshole so well, I can shave it perfectly smooth without a mirror. Now that’s impressive.

tt-anniversaryI like ass-sex as much as the next guy, but honestly I don’t have as much experience with it as I do with other things (fingers, dick, mouth, fist). Nevertheless, I’ve always wanted to get my hands on the custom-designed butt-plug that Tristan created a few years back. It’s been on various sex toy wishlists of mine for literally years now.

And for this Tristan Taormino anniversary sale, Babeland’s got a special Anniversary Edition of the plug.

But wait! What could they possibly do to improve the famous Tristan butt plug? … Make it bigger, of course! The first edition of the plug is 3 1/4″ x 1 1/2″, and the Anniversary Edition is 3″ x 1-3/4″. Just a little more squat and stout, perfect.

The Tristan butt plug is uniquely designed with two things, in my opinion: one, the insertable part is kind of long, but more bulbous than most butt plugs, which means it stays in place better; and two, the base is narrow and rectangular, which means it kind of fits between your ass-cheeks easier. Brilliant!

To be totally honest, I haven’t used it yet. It’s a little … gulp … large. But I’ll be sure to report back when I do.

It is 100% high-quality silicone, which means it can be easily boiled. I know you’re dying to get your ass around one of these; high-tail to Babeland and pick it up – there’s even a special Anniversary Plug & Expert Guide Combo. Seriously, all of Tristan’s stuff is on sale – there’s got to be something in there that would be a great addition to your own collection.

Bet you didn’t even know that this woman is your hot queer sex mentor, but she is.

Review: Barcelona Sex Project (DVD)

bsp

The fabulous Blowfish has just released the Barcelona Sex Project, a documentary-style porn which interviews subjects about their lives, their interests, their sexualities, their turn-ons and turn-offs, before filming them (beautifully, in fact) while they masturbate.

Kristen & I watched it a few weeks ago, after the DVD arrived, and I have to say, I was not so impressed. We fast-forwarded through the last few because we lost interest. It is beautifully filmed, and a really interesting idea that gives the viewer much more of an intimate experience with the visual erotic images of this person getting off than most porn does, which is new and interesting. Yet … I guess my main complaint is the lack of diversity represented. ALL five of the people in the film – the guys and the girls – are completely clean-shaven, for example. Everyone is very “ideal” in terms of body size – pretty slim and fairly muscular. There wasn’t much a range of gender representation, either – the girls were girly, the boys were masculine.

I do admit that I fast-forwaded the end, though, so perhaps there was some content that I missed, more queerness or genderqueerness that I didn’t catch because I got a little bored. So maybe there’s more on here than I realize.

It’s beautifully filmed, I do have to say that. The interviews are interesting, the cinematography is sparse and quite beautiful. I like the way the masturbation scenes were filmed, mostly with very minimalist props or furniture, which was visually interesting – and at times stunning. The girls did use some vibrators, but I didn’t see any actual dildos or much kinky stuff. But hey, what about a range of age? Everyone was so young. What about a range of race or ethnicity?

This brings up the question for me, though, which I think about in terms of Sugarbutch a lot – what responsibility do artists have to represent many experiences or a wide range of diversity? I know I have a fairly slim representation of girls on my site, for example, partly because I know what I’m attracted to and I tend to write about my experiences with those girls (who are femme, duh, and bottoms, duh again, and tend to be smaller than I am). I explain that by saying that this is a personal project – so maybe I should look at Barcelona Sex Project the same way? As a personal representation of what the filmmaker would like to see, and not necessarily as a representation of all of Barcelona or all sexualities and genders or all folks who are into sex. Of course, it couldn’t really be a representation of all of those things, there is way too much inside of sexuality & gender to fully represent anything.

Maybe diverse representation of human bodies and sexualities is not a realistic expectation for a DVD … folks like Pink & White do it, but they also have dozens of clips and dozens of models and actors involved in their work, which makes it easier than working with only six.

Interesting things to think about, I suppose. Regardless, it’s quite unlikely that I’ll be watching this again, and I wouldn’t really put it on for jack-off material or in the background to set a mood. Still, it’s beautifully done, and a new interesting concept which combines a lot of intimacy and destigmitization with erotica/porn and masturbation, which I’d like to see more of in general. Perhaps that makes it worth checking out.

erika-lust
Swiped this image from Urban Junkies Barcelona (thanks!)

About the Barcelona Sex Project, new from Blowfish Video:

Barcelona Sex Project is a smart, funny documentary about half a dozen sexy twenty- and thirty-somethings living in Barcelona, Spain. Director Erika Lust is adept at drawing them out, getting them to tell their life stories (including cross-continental moves, divorces, sexual fantasies fulfilled, career dreams and career realities, etc.). While there’s a fair bit of talk about sex, the emphasis isn’t exclusively erotic… until the sex scenes, of course. These are people you’ve gotten to know through their interviews, making it that much more real when they strip off their clothing and masturbate. There are three men and three women, all of them quite beautiful and relaxed when it comes to self-pleasure for your viewing pleasure. Cute, pierced, and tattooed, 20-year-old Silvia is adorable in stripey stockings and oversized headphones, while Brazilian transplant Dunia has a delectable dark and luscious body, and geek-girl Irina enjoys herself with a toy. The boys are all buff, smiling, and well-hung. Stripper Joel is the most theatrical, stroking himself before a full-length mirror and finishing with a cumshot on his own reflection, while the unselfconscious Joni has a sweet session and finishes by spurting on his own belly. It’s a masturbation video with a twist, providing a fascinating look into the psyches of the subjects before you get a look at their more physically intimate moments. Nominated for the 2009 Feminist Porn Awards.

Trailer: QuickTime formatWindows Media Player format. (2008, 112 min.)

Also check out Barcelona Sex Project.com for more information, clips, and photos from the film.

Review: Pearl Cuffs

cuffsAs of 2/8/16 This product is no longer available at Babeland

Kind of like the bow restraints, the pearl cuffs are pretty light bondage restraints from one of my favorite sex toy stores. Unlike the bow restraints, however, the Pearl Cuffs are almost purely decorative – don’t expect to be able to do much bondage with ’em.

Kristen & I spotted these when visiting our local Brooklyn Babeland a month or more ago. We were both pretty skeptical about the quality – not that they aren’t nicely made, but whether they could really withstand any sort of real bondage play. I mean there’s a reason why bondage enthusiasts use really nice rope, ya know? So I jumped at the chance to take a look at them closer, and see how well they hold up.

I wanted to like them, I was excited about their arrival and have been pushing Kristen a little to wear them out as jewelry. We haven’t quite gone to one of those parties lately, where a pair of pearl bondage handcuffs as jewelry would be appropriate, so we’ve pulled them out in my bedroom.

The first time I opened them up to put them on her, the clasp of one of them broke in my hand. We weren’t pulling on them, I wasn’t dragging her around by them, I just opened the clasp to put them on her and it broke.

Drat.

“Maybe it’s a fluke,” I said, hopeful. “I’ll see if we can get replacements so we can really try them.” Sometimes clasps just break! Regardless of the quality of the item!

And I did (because Babeland rules).

Kristen was skeptical, but wanted to like them, too. The replacements showed up and this time we got to rough-and-tumble around a bit with them on her wrists. They’re pretty: delicate and feminine, which I liked quite a bit. A lovely visual to add.

But after not very long, oh, ten minutes or something, we twisted and turned and were getting into it such that pop, the chain on one of the cuffs broke. The actual little circle got pulled too far and unlinked. It was easy enough to fix by re-bending the link to be closed … but I think we both gave up on the cuffs about then.

“They can still be jewelry!” I said, trying to still justify how these cuffs are awesome.

“Yeah, I suppose.” I think she’s over them.

So … the moral of my review here is, if you like these as jewelry, then I say hey, go for it. They’re hot and fun and I can see an evening of watching someone squirm to drink a cocktail with her wrists cuffed together as very hot. But if you want to actually restrain someone, or throw them around when bound, these won’t hold up against much at all.

babeland_easter

Femmethology Giveaway …. Winner!

Aaaaand the envelope please:

The winner is …. Miss Ida! Comment #3.

Congrats! You’ll receive a signed copy of Visible: A Femmethology Volume Two, which includes my essay Love Letter to Femmes, as well as another book of your choice. What’ll it be, hmmm? Visible: A Femmethology Volume One? Best Lesbian Erotica 2009? Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage (The Fetish Chest)?

Let us know!

Review: the Outlaw

outlaw_lg
not actual size. oh no. it’s WAY bigger than this.

Following the Johnny review breakdown precedence, here’s how the Outlaw cock by Vixen Creations from one of my very favorite sex toy stores stacks up.

(Then I’ll tell you a little embarrassing story concerning the Outlaw and a hotel room with Kristen.)

Girth: Hot damn, it’s a big one. 2″ around. Some would say, and have said, that that is the perfect girth. Enough to feel it, not enough to hurt (at least, not much).

Length: Um. Holy shit. This guy is 8 1/2″. It is huge. It does have balls, which you would think might slightly impact the insertable length, but they sit behind the O-ring of a harness and are quite flat, so they don’t actually take away from the otherwise massive length. I expected I’d have trouble driving this thing – but to the contrary, it was easy to fuck with strapped on, maybe partly because I didn’t have to be concerned about it slipping out.

Shape: Balls. A little vein-y but not too much. Realistic. Because it’s Vixskin it is a little more pliable than average, so it doesn’t have any particular permanent curve.

Materials: This is why you’d by this cock over any other 8.5″x2″ monster: made of Vixskin, a special silicone that feels more like cyberskin (realistic, pliable, feels more like flesh) but it is sterilizable. This is great. I nearly only fuck with cocks made from this material, it is hands-down the best.

And now for your bedtime story.

Kristen & I stayed at a lovely hotel overlooking downtown Boston when I was up there to do a performance a few weekends ago. We spent the evening – what else? – fucking, lounging around in the king-sized bed. I’d brought the Outlaw and also Rodeo Rick (as Babeland calls it – aka Maverick), my desert island dick (the one I’d bring with me above all others). We hadn’t used the Outlaw yet, but got it out and were discussing it at various points in the evening, playing with it and marveling at its size, mostly, and in one hilarious moment Kristen picked it up and set it on its base next to the TV, right in the open.

Later, much later, we ordered room service.

(You can already tell where this story is going, huh.)

I remembered to put boxers on, and an a-shirt, after we ordered but before the room service showed up, and Kristen was in bed, though nude, covers pulled up, on her laptop. Harness and cock we were just using were on the bedside table, next to a huge bottle of lube we’d had to buy earlier that day because I’d forgotten mine. Clothes were strewn around the desk where we’d been playing that afternoon. Bondage belt on the bedspread.

The room was a sex den, is what I’m saying.

The room service delivery guy knocked and before I knew it, he was bringing the tray into the room. “Uh – you decent?” I tried to warn Kristen. (I should’ve just taken the tray. Why didn’t I just take the tray?! Butch fail.)

He set it down on the dresser, right next to the TV.

Right next to the most giant fucking Outlaw cock.

I saw a tiny flicker of a smile on his mouth, but all in all he remained very straight-faced and professional. I was impressed. And so embarrassed! (I know, it’s not that big of a deal, but I couldn’t shake the facepalm feeling.)

“We haven’t even used it yet!” I exclaimed, getting back into bed with Kristen and the coffee profiteroles.

“Well,” she looked at me with that twinkle in her eye. “I guess we should.”

Sorry, delivery guy. But at least you’ve got a good story to tell at dinner parties! “Once, I delivered dessert at midnight to these two … lesbians …”