B is for Beautiful Photos by Syd London

Posted on February 2, 2012 in photographs | No Comments

I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts folder for a week or so now, and I can’t figure out what to write to go along with Syd’s slideshow.

Syd’s collection of photos of Cheryl on Flickr

These are the photos from Cheryl’s memorial, B is for Beautiful, taken by Syd London, who is a dear friend of mine and who photographed me and Cheryl for Sideshow promotion, the first Sideshow, and the last Sideshow, as well as a few other significant shoots of Cheryl’s—like her lesbian headshaving ritual. So many, in fact, that Syd created an entire collection of Cheryl B. photo shoots on Flickr.

Emceeing the memorial was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I am so glad to have had some tantra and “holding space” training, because I totally cast a circle and grounded energy and did all of that. I wanted a container that could hold our grief, if even just for the afternoon. It was funny and fun and tragic and intense, just like Cheryl, and I think it was a really beautiful celebration of her life. Here’s what I read at the memorial.

Kelli submitted one of Syd’s shots to the New York Times “The Lives They Loved” series that is online and selectively printed in the NYT Magazine on Christmas annually, and submitted this shot of Cheryl, Kelli, Diana Cage, and me.

Kelli wrote:

When my partner Cheryl B was diagnosed with hodgkin’s disease last fall and was preparing for chemo that would cause her to lose her beautiful black hair, a friend suggested a “good ol’ fashioned lesbian headshaving ceremony.” We had friends over, made food, and shaved Cheryl’s head. There are many photos of Cheryl performing, engaged in political actions, organizing events. All these are important but I also want to remember her like this: loved, loving, happy, embracing the radical love of her chosen family and the queer (in a myriad of ways) community she had gathered around her.

If that’s not some radical infiltrating, I don’t know what is. And also, who else had photos of fishnets and cleavage? Amazing. Kelli tells the story about how she made the fact checker say “good ol’ fashioned lesbian headshaving ceremony” no less than four times:

Young fact checker dude: So, it says “when Cheryl became ill with hodgkins, her friends suggested a good old fashioned lesbian headshaving ceremony?”

Me: Oh I am sorry, my dog was barking, could you repeat that last part? (no dog had barked)

YFCD: Good old fashioned lesbian head shaving?

Me: Oh shit, you know how iPhones are, you cut out, could you repeat that again?

YFCD: Good old fashioned (sigh) lesbian head shaving.

Me: Oh I’m sorry, I still didn’t catch it.

YFCD: Good. Old. Fashioned. Lesbian. Head. Shaving.

Me: Oh yeah, of course. Yes.

I can see Cheryl rolling her eyes, too, so easily, at that she had to die in order to get into the New York Times—but I think she would’ve been very pleased about this little write-up. And I think she would like Syd’s collection of the beautiful photos of her, with her big love Kelli and with friends and fans and community, and I think she would have loved the memorial.

Miss you, Cheryl. Every day.

No Comments | Category: photographs | Tags: cheryl, grief sucks, kelli dunham I love you, photographs, syd london, the new york times, things that are beautiful

Back at Tomcats, Gotta Get a Haircut

Posted on January 25, 2012 in photographs | No Comments

Finding a new barber is always one of those daunting new city tasks, but I’m so glad I’m not going through that anymore, because Tomcats is my steady go-to. Retro cuts! And really great product. And hey look, they even do girl cuts—this is me & Kristen while she’s getting a trim and I’m already done. Next time you’re coming to New York City, instead of getting a cut right before you leave, maybe you would want to make an appointment to go see them the day you arrive. Seriously, they do the best hair I’ve ever had. Look ‘em up, Tomcats Barber Shop in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

No Comments | Category: photographs | Tags: brooklyn, haircuts, my singular vanity, suggestions for your new york city visit, tomcats

Protected: With Expansion Comes Contraction

Posted on December 26, 2011 in omphaloskepsis | Enter your password to view comments.

Enter your password to view comments. | Category: omphaloskepsis | Tags: character study, I love this "online writing project", maybe a little woo but you can handle it, open, rachel kramer bussel, rituals, some personal shit that isn't about gender, tantra, tantra has reminded me that I am in love with the planet, tattoos, thank you btw have I said thank you lately?, the dark, winter solstice, wishes for 2012

Protected: Body Hair, Pronouns, and Other Personal Gender Things I’m Figuring Out

Posted on December 14, 2011 in omphaloskepsis, on butches | Enter your password to view comments.

Enter your password to view comments. | Category: omphaloskepsis, on butches | Tags: bearded ladies, body hair, character study, chin hair, fuck. help, gender, hair, hirsurtism, masculine of center, occupy the in between, part of what is changing, personal musings, pronouns, shaving, the ex-boyfriend mike, there's another boxes workshop coming up in may in nyc. I am so excited, yes by 'body hair' I mean my underarms and between my legs

School Boy Valentine

Posted on November 21, 2011 in poetry | 2 Comments

I’m a school boy, in between
unsure of my body’s edges under
my skin, sliding a valentine

between the slots in your locker.
You are the valentine. Or
you are the one who watches

as I cut out hearts from red
construction paper. I’m the one

the teachers ask to stay and talk,
not because I’m bad at school
but because I wear too much

black. You’re the one who sees
full color spectrum in the sparkle

in my eyes, who waits for me
on the merry-go-round after band.
We spend nights in the cemetery,

halfway between our houses, trying
not to let unfinished spirits take

over before we start our own
lives. You kiss me in the dark hall

by the locker rooms. My pink
slip falls from my hand to the floor.

2 Comments | Category: poetry | Tags: cemeteries are actually very comforting for me, it was supposed to be a love poem, pink slip—get it?, poetry, things I write, this became a teenaged poem somehow, valentine

Protected: Um So Hi.

Posted on November 17, 2011 in omphaloskepsis | Enter your password to view comments.

Enter your password to view comments. | Category: omphaloskepsis | Tags: body electric, but now that I'm back I miss san francisco, everything is different now, I missed nyc, identities, life changing events, personal musings, san francisco, Seattle, tantra, trans, what happens when I travel

Dear West Coast, See You Soon

Posted on November 2, 2011 in omphaloskepsis | 3 Comments

In prep for my trip, I had to of course go get cleaned up. Doesn’t Joey at Tomcats do an amazing job? I have never had a bad haircut there. I only wish I could recreate the height after I wash it … though I suspect in part it is because of the handfulls of product he adds to my hair.

I’ve been trying to grow it out a bit, let it get a little longer on top so I can go back to the pomp I’ve had in the past. Winter seems like a good time to do that. The length has been driving me nuts the past few weeks, but I put it off long enough so that it’ll be fresh and clean for my trip out West.

What trip out west, you ask? Well, the one where I’ll be starting a tantra training, the first of five weekends in Seattle over the next year, and then I head to San Francisco for the Outside the Boxes queer Body Electric workshop that has been in the works for the last six or so months. It is definitely happening and probably going to be full, in fact! We might even have a waiting list! And—good news—we are planning to do it twice in 2012, once in New York City and once in Toronto. I’ll let you know the exact dates as soon as I have them.

I’m doing a couple more things out west while I’m visiting—no wait, scratch that, it’ll just be one other event, a Talking Dirty workshop at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, known in my day as the Wet Spot. I was going to have a workshop in Oakland but that looks like it’s fallen through, though I’m hoping to do it in the spring.

So I’ve turned on my vacation auto-responder, and my flight to Seattle leaves tomorrow afternoon. I may have some time to write while I’m gone, but things may be a bit quiet over here while I’m traveling. You can always follow me on Twitter or on Facebook if you want to know what I’m up to on a slightly more daily basis.