What happened in November

Posted on December 15, 2008 in colophon | No Comments

Ah, November 2008: forever famous for THE ELECTION OF BARAK OBAMA as the President of the United States. Oh, rejoice, liberals of the US and the world. Except … then there was that pesky little thing about gay marriage amendments in three states, and the amendment that makes it illegal for unmarried folks to adopt in Arkansas.

But that wasn’t all. There was also the New York City Sexbloggers Calendar offical release party.

So even though I was attempting to take time off in November (betcha didn’t know that, huh), there were still many posts.

RELATIONSHIPS

A Girl: My Future Wife – where I daydream about what she’ll be like.
Protected: hacking my brain, protected: uncovering personal insecurities, where I continue the character study of myself and attempt to make sense of my own brain and the ways I work. Journally and personal, both password protected.

ACTIVISM:

Post Election: On Love – and about my disappointment in the 2008 election, despite the fantastic nomination of Obama.
Letter to myself: Enough Moping – we took the temperature of the country by seeing how these anti-gay amendments passed so easily. Stop dwelling on the giant blow of the election and channel the hurt energy into activism. Buck the fuck up.

COMMUNITY:

Calendar release party this Friday & Sinclair loves Njoy – thank you, Njoy, for sponsoring the Sexblogger Calendar so graceously. There was also my writeup of what happened at the calendar party, including some links to some other stories from that night, like Bad Bad Girl’s recount of bringing me a silver pen, and how I rewarded her. (Good girl, Bad Bad Girl.)

REVIEWS:

The lollipop crop from Babeland, and some reader reviews of the lesbian film Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

In November, I also relaunched Sugarbutch into this new layout – if you’re reading via RSS, come on by and check it out. I’m still working on a “how to read this new layout” type of post, I know it’s rather difficult to tell which posts are new, but I’ve got some plans to fix that and I’ll iron that out in the near future.

No Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: activism, I was on vacation in November (did you notice?), linklove, November 2008 will always be remembered as Obama victorious and Prop 8, roundup

What happened in October

Posted on November 3, 2008 in colophon | No Comments

October was the busiest month I’ve ever written on Sugarbutch, with 48 posts. Much of that came because I was part of 8 Against 8, where 8 lesbian bloggers wrote for 8 days against Proposition 8 in California, raising as much money as we could.

8 AGAINST 8

Vote no on Proposition 8 was the first post of the series. We’ve replaced your usual smut with political activism … this is the roundup post of all the gay marriage writings, photographs, and videos about gay marriage, homos loving homos, PSAs about Proposition 8, and reviews of gay marriage resources. This is my favorite post of the 8 Against 8 campaign, marriage is so gay, where I talked about my own thoughts about marriage, my own, and the dream I had recently about my future wife.

October’s masthead was a good one: Come for the smut, stay for the theory, featuring a photo of me, a red tie, and whiskey. Yum. One of my favorites.

SEX:

Sugarbutch Star: Maze – The Girl in the Red Dress the second of 5 Sugarbutch Star 2008 stories.

GENDER:

On being a (gender) freak in New York City
October’s queer activism was a summary of some of the sexuality activism that happens in October – it is GBLT history month, the anniversary of Matthew Shepard’s death, and October 11th is National Coming Out Day. This is one of my favorites, looking over this past month, definitely.

RELATIONSHIPS:

She can take more and Spilling desire, both about Rose.

MISCELLANY:

About the calendar photo shoot. You remember the New York City Sex Blogger Calendar? The
Reviews: Pfun plug by Njoy
Eye Candy: Rachel Maddow on Jay Leno, Rachel Maddow, again after a great (and very butch) interview.
Personal: Image, exposed about the sex blogger calendar and what it’s like to have my face out in the blogosphere. Announcing, at last, that it is fall about the changing of the seasons and oh, femmes.
And last, but not least, at the end of October, I was able to give away 10 copies of the L Word Season 5 as a way (for the PR folks for the show) to begin hyping the last season of the L Word. (ps, here’s the winners.)

No Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: activist, it was a good month on Sugarbutch, roundup, setting records

What Happened in September

Posted on October 17, 2008 in colophon | 2 Comments

September has come & gone and I’m slow on the roundup. I already kind of miss the September masthead, I loved the serenity of the water and it was a fun reminder to have the “gender buddha” quote up at the top.

Here’s what happened on Sugarbutch.net in September:

SEX

The Sugarbutch Star Contest is officially underway! The first entry came from Eileen and follows the narrator meeting a cute femme on a New York subway and picking her up. I wanted to get more of the entries written up, but September, like all months, was incredibly busy and full.
Tess has been busy busy busy producing the New York City Sexblogger 2009 Calendar, and I wrote up some of my experiences at the calendar photo shoot. I can’t wait to show off the final calendar, it looks fantastic!
I entered a contest on Best Sex Bloggers with my short story called The Creation Myth, and I won! The prize was a fabulous For Your Nymphomation sex toy case, which is featured in the story (along with a professional bottom), and my review of that is still to come.
I was named on the list of top 100 sex bloggers of 2008! I’m still surprised and honored, thanks to all who voted.

GENDER & THEORY

I attended the Femme Conference in Chicago in August, and when I had the chance to synthesize some of the topics we were discussing there I wrote the monthly In Praise of Femmes column on the architecture of identity. I also did a femme conference roundup & links list, pointing to other bloggers who attended and other reactions to the conference.
I travelled to my parent’s hometown – where I spent a lot of time growing up – and visited much of my large extended family in September in order to attend a wedding. Weddings and family are two incredibly gendered situations, and so wrote a very journally entry upon returning, a small complaint with some reflections.
I’ve had various people ask whether I go by “he” or “she,” so I figured I’d talk about pronouns: mine
Couple definitions in September – define: need a word for “one who receives chivalry” and define: cisgender. There’s some controversy over the term I wrote about in August, “transmasculine,” and I’d like to write up a counter-post to that sometime in October.

RELATIONSHIPS

I had a few dates with Rose this month, and wrote up blackberry for her when our schedules kept misaligning. She let me post a little essay she wrote called catalyst (which is now password protected).
I also wrote up some hard reflections on my former relationships and my exes in How do you survive falling in love with people who ravage you? (part one & part two), and then one more little protected post: universe to sinclair: high five.

MISCELLANY

Obama 08. Oh, (American) politics. I’m disillusioned & a bit depressed about it all. That’s basically what this post says, except it goes deep into my own personal political history. Please register to vote, please vote, please vote intelligently.
Good Eye Candy this month: Brooklyn singer & rocker LP, a video featured on Ellen’s show of Ellen & Portia’s wedding, and some hot shots of a butch at the gay prom.
Only one toy review – the pack & play cock goodfella.

2 Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: roundup

October masthead: come for the smut …

Posted on October 1, 2008 in colophon | 8 Comments

Yep, it’s that time again – a new month, a new masthead. I can’t believe how quickly September went by. Roundup of September posts coming soon.

Not really much to add about this masthead. The photo Muse took of me at the bar at the Femme Conference during a much needed break. The pin on my lapel is from the little Sugarbutch store and says “I ♥ Femmes,” which I wore all weekend, when I wasn’t wearing my “I ♥ Femmes” tee shirt. That’s probably Jameson in the glass. And that is definitely my favorite red tie.

8 Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: are you sick of the photos of me yet?, masthead, sugarbutch swag, the femme conference, whiskey

accessing the protected posts

Posted on September 16, 2008 in colophon | 269 Comments

So the former password protection post is spilling over with requests. With the intention of me not missing requests for access to the password protected posts, this is the new post where you leave a comment.

It would be best if you left your website, too, even if it’s your myspace or facebook address, as I’d like to know you’re a real person. You can email that to me if you’d rather it not be published publically. It’s not a requirement, if you don’t have one, but I’d appreciate it, as these are very personal writings.

About the password protected posts:

They are primarily my personal journal entries: reflections on my relationships, and my real life sex stories. Sugarbutch started so that I could have a place to reflect on my relationship difficulties, which included the problems with my relationship with my ex where I wanted to be more butch (and wanted her to be more femme) but felt unsupported to explore that, and the problems we were having with sex, which was that we were having none. It evolved into a place where I processed my relationship with another girl that I immediately got involved with, and when that relationship ended spectacularly awfully, it has been chronicling my evolution back to myself, my committment to myself, my “aspiring stud”-ness in trying to get laid, and trying to get my shit together such that I can enter into a healthy, stable, positive, committed relationship again.

Meanwhile, though, it has been lots of gender theory. Lots. And some smut stories. Which are also fun.

And as I’ve gained a larger and larger readership, the personal stuff is entirely too exposed, so they have gone under password protection. I still want a place to write about my relationship evolutions, and I still love having writing and blogging as a medium to explore my own sense of self, so I tend to write a few of these a month.

So, if you’d like to read the personal posts, leave a comment at the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Beep.

269 Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: brief sugarbutch history, password, public vs personal, readers, why my readers are the best, why some posts are password protected

What happened in August

Posted on September 6, 2008 in colophon | 1 Comment

If you’ve just tuned in, you are joining our hero, Sinclair Sexsmith, on his ongoing quest for sex, gender exploration, and relationships. This is what happened in August; let’s watch.

SEX:

Uh, there wasn’t really any smut posted this month. I was single and haven’t been seeing anyone steadily, so there were no real-life adventures, and I’m preparing for the Sugarbutch Star 2008 contest where I write up various fiction stories, so I haven’t been writing much smut lately.
I did write the suspension of heterosexual belief about reading smut or watching porn with participants who aren’t particularly within your erotic orientation, and being able to suspend your orientation enough to appreciate the technique and skill of the sex in the scene
I also write on choice feminism and compulsory gender roles, which is something I’ve already referred to often, especially in regards to making all potential options valid in order to make a legitimate choice.
There’s a sexy seduction story, summer game plan, I posted over at Sappho’s Girls. What, you didn’t know I was writing there?
Sugarbutch Star Contest!– the official launch! and the announcement of the 2007 sugarbutch star chapbook which you’ll be able to buy from this site soon.

GENDER:

In praise of femmes: hair & shaving. I start out by talking about the difference between my personal preferences and what I think the options are (or should be) for women in general. I wish more women didn’t shave, honestly. Shaving probably wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me one way or the other, but I do particularly like freshly shaved skin. I see it as being yet another way to increase physical sensation, and as such, it’s a sex toy.
On butches: hair: “Sometimes I even like my five o’clock shadow. I’ve developed the habit of scratching my chin like the boys do. Feeling when I need a shave. Letting it grow on weekends, on weeks when I don’t have work. When I was in Mexico I didn’t touch it once. Ten days without shaving, I am sure a personal record. I didn’t even know my hair would grow that long, that dark, that thick. … Sometimes, I even like it. “
Both of these pieces were extensively commented on, by butches and femmes and various folks within the gender galaxy around the blogosphere. The comments & posts are particularly worth reading and I would even say are more interesting than my original posts – it’s fascinating to hear the details about how people keep their bodies, and the reasons for it, and the ways that shaving or body hair is subversive and resistance. Add your own comment to the mix about what you do, or post it on your own blog and leave a link.
I theorize about romance vs chivalry: What’s the difference between romance & chivalry? The two can look nearly identical, we thought – bringing flowers, pulling out a chair, taking a jacket – but something separates them. …Sometimes chivalry is purely kind and thoughtful, with no romance whatsoever. When I hold the door open for a stranger, or for my mom or sister or a straight girl friend, I do it with no romantic intent. Ah – so perhaps that’s what differentiates the two: intention.”

RELATIONSHIPS:

Some thoughts on my relationship with love in new place, new learning (protected)
moving backward, moving forward (protected) where I continue to mull over my relationship history

MISCELLANY:

Elsewhere: Gender 101 article over at Eden Fantasys; blogs by butches featured over at TLL; summer game plan (actually written in July, but I never featured it here) over at Sappho’s Girls
English Department at SSU: Define: mutually exclusive; writing prompt: what’s in your box of darkness (from this poem); if I had a red pen; define: transmasculine, writing prompt: if I was being really honest, protected poetry: the solace of solitude.
Interview: I’m on Bedroom Radio
Reviews: massage bongers, a preview of the goodfella packing cock I ran a little contest with my review of the erotica book Spanked: with what and where would you like to be spanked?… and here’s the winner
Eye Candy: that stare, gloves, standing around with that famous butch lean, Dani. Tag your photos with ‘sugarbutch’ on flickr and they’ll be featured in the sidebar. Looks like we’ll get some femme eye candy in September!

1 Comment | Category: colophon | Tags: jeez I need to get laid, not enough sex, roundup, why I need a vacation

September masthead: gender buddha

Posted on September 1, 2008 in colophon | 8 Comments

September’s masthead is up! and comes from a quote from the Muse, where she called me the Gender Buddha because of how some of my philosophies match up with a quote from Sharon Salzberg: “The Buddha’s enlightenment solved the Buddha’s problem. Now you solve yours.”

What I mean by this quote is that my butchness is my unique solution to what I see as a gender problem in the culture and society in which I live. I feel like I ran around wildly, trying on different genders, until I finally landed inside of butch … and it just so clearly makes so much sense to me, it resonates with my sense of self and with my sense of how gender works in the world, my deeper philosophies about the value of the body.

It acknowledges that my solutions might not be your solutions – that your ‘gender problem’ might have a completely different landscape or solution than mine does. In fact, it should have a different landscape, a different path, even if it does arrive at similar solutions, because we are two different people with different life experiences, different family backgrounds, different habits and thoughts.

I do hope that some of my gender ramblings are useful to you on your own paths, but I always want to recognize that your path might be very different than mine. Then again, we might be walking along hand-in-hand … and that sure is nice too. It’s great to have company, it makes this journey so much less lonely. Thanks for coming along in the adventures, wherever you’re at.

PS – Did you know you can find an archive of past mastheads on the about page? It’s true!

8 Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: gender buddha, masthead

What happened in July

Posted on August 8, 2008 in colophon | 3 Comments

July was a big month! I’m refining the topics & categories that I’m beginning to consistently write here, and I like the columns I’ve started – on butches, and in praise of femmes.

One of the first things I did this month was ask for money. I’ve been realizing more and more how much time I put into this website – it has become my part-time job. Many people have said that it is significant to them, it’s more than just my personal adventures, it’s also a community filled with ideas and concepts about gender, butch/femme dynamics, lesbian sexualities, etc. I wrote a follow up to why I asked for money after I got a little challenged, but ultimately I was incredibly touched and honored at all the donations I received. Thank you.

I also launched some merch! I don’t make much money at all from this, pennies really, but it’s kind of fun.

On with the rest:

SEX

Penny & I kept playing in July, and we had some great times. weekend part one, flogging and weekend part two, dancing were quite notable this month.
I also wrote on telling a girl what to wear as a kink, particularly the ways that it exaggerates the power and gender dynamic between butchtop/femmebottom play.

GENDER

Long piece on intentional vs natural gender, then a follow up on creating conscious gender, which is also long, but worth reading.
In praise of femmes: fishnets
On butches: butch style: briefs
packing cocks 101 was a big review guide I’ve been working on for a while

RELATIONSHIPS

Protected post on my issues + her issues, where I discuss a little about my relationship with Penny
What happened with Penny, where I announced that we’d split up.

MISCELLANY

Eye Candy: buxa, work safe, noir, and a bruise & heels, the first femme eye candy. I think we’ll do some more of those in the future.
Reviews: Bonk by Mary Roach, undercover harness, Lipstick on her Collar edited by Alison Tyler. And a big one: packing cocks 101.
Prompts: I’ve done a few of these lately, and had a lot of comments, so I’m going to keep that around for a while. if asked of the state of my heart (& my response: I would say) and if I could speak. The comments and responses are really emotional and intense, I feel honored that you all would reveal like you do here in this space, thank you.

3 Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: roundup

August’s masthead: combating lesbian bed death

Posted on August 7, 2008 in colophon | 9 Comments

August’s masthead is up. Late, I know. I’ve got some more elaborate ideas for photos that I really want to feature, which go with particular quotes, so I kept putting off updating the masthead thinking that I’ll actually take those photos, but now it’s been a week and I just dug through some old shots. This one was actually taken while I was in Mexico with Datedyke, and shows off the cufflinks Colleen gave me.

I’ve still go to finish “What happened in July,” too – that’s coming. This weekend, probably.

I was just this morning on my commute into the city thinking about my former relationship, the one I was in when I started Sugarbutch. We were together four years, and over the last two we had sex five times. Seriously, I started counting. And I, well, I have a little bit of a sex drive.

So one of the reasons I started writing erotica was to have a release for all the sexual energy and frustration I was feeling. And to continue my writing practice, in general. Go figure, there’s actually a lot of craft that goes in to writing erotica – character, dialogue, rise & fall of action.

I used to always get stuck at the part where the characters are having sex, going all hot & heavy, and then they’re just about ready to orgasm and have the whole scene end. I’d get so stuck there. Finally, Jesse James and I were talking one day, and she said, “well yeah, of course that’s the hard part, because you never really know how somebody comes until they do it, do ya?”

Reminds me of that scene in Amelie where she thinks “How many couples are having an orgasm right now?” And there’s a great montage of climaxes. ~~[Can anybody find that clip on Youtube?]~~ Here’s the clip (thanks Sun! I couldn’t access youtube from work). Each one is different.

I’ve been working on finishing this Sugarbutch Star chapbook lately, I’m getting it ready to be handed out at the Femme Conference next weekend, and I’ve also been thinking about how this used to be a major goal of mine – writing smut to get people off. Specifically, to get lesbians off. Even more specifically, to get lesbians to go fuck their girlfriends and to talk to their girlfriends about sex and to get more of what they actually want out of their sex lives. Sometimes I think Lesbian Bed Death perpetuates the prudish idea that women can – or want to – transcend those silly sexual relations and have some sort of deep, meaningful emotional connection, that that’s all that “really” matters.

Well duh, deep connection is important, but sex is important too. I gues that’s one of the differences between male & female sexualities, though, is that for women it does actually seem to be a case of “use it or loose it,” where the more we have sex, the more we want to have sex – as opposed to men, who while many have fluxuations in their sex drive, still tend to have sex drives independently of however much sex they are or aren’t having. I’m sure this isn’t true for all men or all women, but it tends to be true in many cases. (Y’all know of any sources on this? I’ve looked for articles but haven’t located any yet.)

What I’m trying to say is:

1. Still, one of the highest compliments folks can pay me about my smut writing is that they had to go get off after reading it, but also, that it made them want to go play with their partner or girlfriend or random first date or stranger or whomever. I love getting those emails or comments, thank you for that. Let’s make lesbians in future generations ask, “what is this ‘lesbian bed death’? Lesbians didn’t like having sex? They weren’t the most highly sexual creatures on the planet? I don’t get it!”

and 2 … Got ideas for stories you’ve always wanted me to write? The Sugarbutch Star contest is launching again. More details to come.

9 Comments | Category: colophon | Tags: amelie, femme conference, lesbian bed death, masthead, sugarbutch star

swag

Posted on July 11, 2008 in colophon | 7 Comments

For all you RSS readers out there, you probably didn’t notice the new animated gif in the sidebar with the Sugarbutch Chronicles swag prominently displayed.

Get I ♥ femmes, I ♥ butches, and the Sugarbutch Chronicles logo on mugs, hats, tee-shirts, sweatshirts, undies … all sorts. There’s also a few shirts that have “sugar” on the front and “butch” on the back (I like those).

And, of course, there’s some Sugarbutch Star merch as well … including some little one-inch buttons with a star, those are perhaps my favorites. I ordered some for the Sugarbutch Star contest finalists, and I custom-made a shirt for the winner, too. I’m planning to do another contest starting in August.

I’ve got some plans for a few more slogans I want to put up, too, but haven’t finished the designs yet. If you have particular requests, let me know and I’ll consider it!

Couple more things:

I updated the Community page; if you run a blog about sex, gender, or relationships, or queer politics, or gender activism, or if you comment often here, and I am not listing you, please do let me know and I’ll add your link. I don’t keep up with that list very frequently, mostly I’m using the Google RSS reader to share new and interesting sites and articles from around the web (that’s over in the left-hand sidebar).

Someone left a comment recently looking for a tux for a girl in New York City. Cookie writes:

My lady and I are getting married at the end of next year and I’m having an awfully hard time finding a tux to wear. I’m a curvy girl that would like a tux cut for a woman that will fit those curves. Do you know of any queer-friendly places in NYC to buy/have one made?

Any suggestions?