this is how it goes

Posted on November 5, 2007 in _dating | 5 Comments

You think, I’m not ready for a relationship, not even an ongoing sexual one with clear emotional boundaries.

You think, there’s no way I can even adequately interact with other human beings intimately without causing or receiving some sort of heartache.

You think, I must be more restrictive and conscienscious of my interactions.

Then, someone comes along, someone unexpected maybe, and for a minute, an hour, four hours, over Thai food, over a bottle of Presecco, over take out from Song, over a walk on the promenade, over a tattoo, you remember that there is more to an interaction than simply confusion and ache, and sometimes you can hold small shards of yourself up to someone else’s light and discover a shade of yourself that you’d never really seen until someone else was there to provide illumination.

5 Comments | Category: _dating | Tags: community, prosecco

what do I do with all this heat?

Posted on October 12, 2007 in _dating | 3 Comments

I’ve been hard for days. Ready to fuck. I take long luxurious laps at the briefest contacts to my pelvis – the moment of walking through the subway turnstyles. Leaning up against a table. My hips tilt upward in wait, like the center of a plant revealing to the blue sky. Magnetic and animal and it’s all I can do to keep from growling, sharpening my teeth on the skin of the girl next to me, behind me, in front of me.My cock is hard. That internal butch cock that raises and piques when I feel that rush to my clit, that swelling between my legs.

I am a battery charged. Plugged in and there is much I would do for the chance to spend a weekend in bed. Or a day – I’d settle for a day.

Cock so hard I could force it through brick. Through plywood. It could puncture glass, plastic. What would it do to you?

3 Comments | Category: _dating | Tags: butch cock, desire

things I’ve never done, but would like to try

Posted on August 26, 2007 in _dating | 7 Comments

Fuck a girl’s ass with a strapon (is it still called pegging if it’s two women, or is pegging unique to a woman strapped on fucking a guy?). I’ve done plenty of ass-play, but somehow the women I’ve been with have never actually been comfortable enough with it for me to be strapped on. I have, however, fucked a guy this way, once upon a time.
Stingy toys, like a cane. I’d like to leave some marks. I’ve used a cane before, actually, but I don’t own one, and I’d like to experiment to feel more comfortable with it
Receive – and give – a cutting
Role-play out in a bar, pretend we don’t know each other and pick each other up. I suppose that has a lot of variations (resistance, convincing).
Sex in central park, sex in every girl club in new york city (the bathroom, the back room, the alley, the deserted dancefloor, wherever), sex at work. After hours, in an empty office, wherever. I’ve done that, actually, though not at my current job.
Play with knives. And yes, I think I’d like to be the one holding the knife, although that could be negotiable.
And, last but not least, recent events have told me that I need to practice my flogging & rope bondage.

7 Comments | Category: _dating | Tags: anal, bdsm, best of, exhibition, flogging, knives, role playing

famous femmes I would fuck in a heartbeat

Posted on July 19, 2007 in _dating | 8 Comments

I’m particularly thinking of women who are out as lesbian (rather than bi – if I counted bisexual celebrity women, that’d be a very different list), and are particularly feminine. Though, again, it’s harder to identify the femmes in the celebrity world, because all the women are more feminine than usual.

… the famous femmes are hard to pinpoint! Others that aren’t on the list: Michelle Tea, Cynthia Nixon (really femme?), Kristanna Loken … Sure aren’t very many of ‘em.

Nor are there very many famous butches, really; that’s a short list. I can think of Jenny Shimitzu, k.d. lang, Ellen, Melissa Ferrick, Melissa Etheridge, Rosie, Alix Olson, Michelle Rodriguez, Pamela Means … but most of these women probably wouldn’t identify as butch. That’s still a frightening identity to have in the public eye.

Got any to add?

8 Comments | Category: _dating | Tags: celebrity, femme, lesbian

sex with a boy?

Posted on July 17, 2007 in _dating | 4 Comments

I may be getting quite the boycrush on Joe My God … and rumor has it (ahem, he told me) he’s into butches.Now, you readers have been quite forgiving of me lately, considering I just slept with another top – I was fully expecting the comments about how I’m ‘not a real top’ to start coming. (And the femme top told me she did get some of those comments. I wonder if that’s a gender thing – a form of sexism. Mhm.) But what would you do if I decided to fuck a gay boy?

I probably wouldn’t. First, there’s the penis issue. Then, there’s the sweaty boy smell. Sorry to say it, but not only are those not turn-ons, they are explicit turn-offs. No offence, boys – it’s one of those physiological things.

Joe’s got some awesome radical politics, though, which I do find quite sexy. Ask him sometime about the much-needed collaboration between the queens and the butches, the dykes & the gays.

4 Comments | Category: _dating | Tags: cis boys, sex

4. the update on sex

Posted on June 24, 2007 in _dating | 3 Comments

(That’s what you were really waiting for, isn’t it? Isn’t that what brings you back here?)”Do you swing?” I asked her to dance. She looked up at me slyly, a little shy, from the picnic blanket.

“A little. Salsa I’m better at.”

“Let’s go. Over there?” I nodded to a slight clearing in the crowd nearby.

I can tell a lot about someone by the way they dance. Not the grind-and shimmy club dancing, though that has its own sets of tells, but partner dancing: a fine art.

First, there’s her grip on my hands, her form, her resistance. Her hands should be gently placed over mine, not gripping or clinging on, but soft. There should be enough resistance in her arms to allow her body to be carried by whatever minute movements I make.

Then, there’s how she responds. How her body takes direction, how well our bodies talk to each other.

Last, but not overlooked, is her feet. I can’t see them (nor should she – we should maintain eye contact, ‘dancing cheek to cheek’ as they say), but I can tell where she puts them and I can tell how well she can pick them up, anticipate my movements, follow my body lines.

I’ve danced with women who have been taking classes for months – years – who were not as good follows as those who have never had lessons. It isn’t only the lessons – it’s also compatibility, syncopation, inner rhythm.

This girl at the picnic, we didn’t dance well together. She kept trying to lead, so I would back up and follow, but she wasn’t a very good lead, and kept doing follow moves, which encouraged me to lead. I couldn’t keep clear what was happening between us.

We walked back to the picnic blanket, joking, when the song ended. I knew what she’d be like in bed – awkward, pushy, in control but attempting to be submissive. And honestly, that’s not what I want.

If only I knew what I did want.

3 Comments | Category: _dating | Tags: dancing

3. the update on dating

Posted on June 24, 2007 in _dating | No Comments

I have two dates in the next week.

One is with a particular femme top that I have been noticing from afar for quite a while – more than a year now. She’s a damn good writer, and she reads this blog. So that’s all I’ll say about that.

The other is via a craigslist personal ad which began, “I like being pushed up against the wall by queer masculine types who have good radical politics.” We’ve had some lovely correspondences, so far.

I’m not sure I actually know how to get involved with a girl sexually and not emotionally, so this dating thing will be a challenge. And after the shock of yesterday, I am definitely not ready to get too involved emotionally. This is going to have to go slowly, slowly, slowly.

It’s going to take some practice.

No Comments | Category: _dating |