The Sugarbutch Guide to Cock Confidence: Soft Packing (Part 2)

August 7, 2014  |  cock confidence
Before we get too much into the products, I want to make it clear that this is by no means an exhaustive list of packing products. I wish I could keep up with them all, but there are many! Please leave links or your suggestions or recommendations or your experiences with different types in the comments.

What do I pack with?

Just about anything can be packed into your briefs and worn as a packer, but fear not! Plenty of queer genderfuckers have already done hours of research about what kind of DIY options work really well, and there are plenty great (and pretty affordable!) options out on the market, too.

If you’re looking for a packer, the first thing I recommend is to go check out your local feminist queer-friendly sex-positive sex toy store. There are dozens around the country, and more and more each year, so I hope you have a good one near you. The folks who work there are often sex educators themselves, with tons of knowledge on the particular materials of what they carry. They can recommend one based on your skin sensitivities or what other toys you want it to go with.

The Mr. Right soft packer made by Vixen Creations is silicone and beautiful. Pair it with the Aslan Packing Strap!

The Mr. Right soft packer made by Vixen Creations is silicone and beautiful. Pair it with the Aslan Packing Strap!

Generally, packers are made out of a composite elastomer plastic. These aren’t bad for you—most of the time, they don’t have the dreaded phthalates in them—but what it does mean is that you can’t boil the shit outta them to sanitize them. If you want to share a packer with a partner, if you have STIs, or if you have sensitive skin, I would recommend silicone.

Silicone is, when it comes to sex toys, pretty much always a better choice for ingredient: it’s hypoallergenic and good for those with sensitive skin, as often it’s medical grade silicone. But it’s more expensive and way less squishy, so it feels less like a soft penis and more like … a sculpture of a penis. What kind of material you choose just depends on your personal preference.

Silicone Elastomer
Pros Easily disinfected
Sharable
Long lasting
More realistic
Squishsy and fun to touch
Cons Not as realistic
harder texture
Can’t be disinfected
Material will more easily tear
Won’t last as long

What size should I get?

Mr. Softy packer comes in four sizes: mini: 3-1/2", small: 5-3/4", medium: 6-3/4", large: 7-3/4"

Mr. Softy packer comes in four sizes: mini: 3-1/2″, small: 5-3/4″, medium: 6-3/4″, large: 7-3/4″

One of the most common versions of packers found at feminist queer-friendly sex-positive sex toy stores is often called Mr. Softy (also known as the Classic Packy or Mr. Limpy). They tend to come in mini, small, medium, and large sizes.

The Mr. Softy soft pack is the one I recommend most. Because it’s usually a fairly personal toy, the silicone material isn’t that important to me, and I’d rather have the more pliable material. It won’t last as long as silicone, but if you take good care of it, it will stick around a while—I’ve had mine at least ten years now and it’s still in pretty good shape.

Having a large packer is not important when it comes to packing—in fact, it can make your packer a little bit harder to pack, as it can be unwieldy in your undies. If you want the most realistic packer—by which I mean, if you want a packer that looks the most like a cis guy’s flaccid cock—go for the mini size.

If you want to make an impression, by all means, go for the medium or large sizes! I have found personally that I really like the weight and feel of the small sized packers.

A note about color

Most of the packers come in colors like “vanilla, caramel, chocolate.” This vastly under represents the huge range of skin tone that exists. That sucks. I hope product manufacturers will continue to expand the colors they offer and stop centering whiteness as the norm.

Many of the packers that don’t come in multiple sizes are approximately the small size, 4-5” in length. This is plenty!

GoodVibes makes two different packers: Sailor (which comes in 2 sizes, or with a hard core), shown above

GoodVibes makes two different packers: Sailor (which comes in 2 sizes, or with a hard core) or Private (silicone)

Good Vibes silicone packer Private

…. or Private, the Good Vibes silicone packer, which comes in vanilla, caramel, and chocolate (photo from Early2Bed)

The other good thing about packers, however, is that because they are often elastomer, they are frequently $20-40, so even if you go for one particular size now, you can always save up or allot a bit more to try out the other size.

What if it looks like I have an erection?

Or, oh hey, I want a big ol’ bulge!

If you’re trying to be read as a cis man, keep in mind that cis guy’s penises hang at different angles depending on what’s comfortable for the guy. If having it straight down isn’t comfortable for you, try it off to the side or slightly up.

If you want a big ol’ juicy package, and your packer just isn’t having the effect you are seeking, consider: a) tighter pants, b) stuffing your pants with extra bulge, or c) upgrading your packer to something bigger. You can always go for a hard pack, if you really want that very obvious bulge!

But if you’re more of a DIY kind of person, it’s pretty simple to make your own packer


Socks are sometimes so much hotter than anything else. Packing with socks and a having a black unbreakable comb in your pocket. For me, it’s the heightened artifice [of masculinity]. That teenage feeling. Having to roll up that pair of socks just so. Butch. And maybe it’s also an homage to the past. I’m old fashioned.” —@redswain

There are a variety of methods of making your own packers, particularly by filling condoms with hair gel, or through rolled-up socks. But just about anything can be made into a packer—I’ve heard of folks using beans for added weight, or building a custom shape with three ankle socks (for balls).


I made clay packer last year, wrapped it in a small sock and stitched it to a waist band I cut off a pair of boxers. Custom!” —@keyskiyl

Personally, I am not extra experienced at making my own (aside from the occasional rolled-up sock), so I’m not going to go into the DIY methods here. Be creative—I’m sure you’ve already got some extra something lying around that would be perfect to use to try it out.

What about Extra Special Packers?

There are a few packers on the market that do more than just sit in your pants—they could also be STP (stand to pee) devices, for example. Check out a few of the options for specialty packers.

I highly recommend all the toys from New York Toy Collective, but in particular I am very attached to my little Pierre. I never really thought about it much, but an uncircumcised packer fits me really well, and I really like how it feels to the touch. (Photo by Early2Bed)

I highly recommend all the toys from New York Toy Collective, but in particular I am very attached to my little Pierre. I never really thought about it much, but an uncircumcised packer fits me really well, and I really like how it feels to the touch. (Photo by Early2Bed)

Number One Models A & D

Number One makes some of the best STP packers (I tend to call them “pissers”) that I know of. They’re really comfortable, and I get a frequent secret thrill of being able to piss through it, even if I’m still sitting.

I also really love that Number One has their own packing strap built just for the Model A or D.

Speaking of packing straps …

Keeping your packer in place


I would love if my partner did this outside the home, but she is always worried it might fall out.” —@Colette

One of the most common fears about packing and packing-gone-wrong stories that I hear is about packing falling out of one’s underwear. And yes: this can and does happen to the best of us. It just does! The more room we have in our underwear or jeans, and the more active we are, the most likely it is for the packer to snake its way out of the careful place in which you nestled it, and the more likely it is to fall down your pants or shorts or skirt.

But there is a super easy, pretty much failsafe fix for this: A packing strap or packing pouch.

You can very easily make your own with a sock or little pouch and a safety pin, or, if you want to step it up a bit, affix a piece of velcro. But if you’re not the DIY type, there are lots of products out there to keep your packer in place, too.

TranZwear has all sorts of trans gear, but their collection of packers and packing straps and STP devices is fantastic. (You just have to ignore the ugly interface of the site.) Their modified boxers and briefs are excellent—they have basically sewn the Y-front shut so that the packer won’t fall out, and it works great.

TranZwear has all sorts of trans gear, but their collection of packers and packing straps and STP devices is fantastic. (You just have to ignore the ugly interface of the site.) Their modified boxers and briefs are excellent—they have basically sewn the Y-front shut so that the packer won’t fall out, and it works great.

Velcro Top Packy Sac

Velcro Top Packy Sac: A DIY product by a discreet trans guy who saw a need for somewhere to put his packer and made a product happen. I bought my first one at Babeland in 2002 and only recently lost it, and was very glad to see he was still around and making straps, so promptly ordered two more. I don’t love that my packer is affixed to my underwear rather than my body, but I prefer it to having an elastic strap around my waist all day. I use it often.

SpareParts Pete

SpareParts makes some of the best harnesses available right now (everybody raves about the Joque), and they have a line of packing underwear, too. These are particularly made to hold packers in a secret little pouch inside of the fly of the undies. Very cute, good material, good sizes. They are mostly spandex, so they feel a bit more like swim trunks than underwear. Very comfortable, machine washable.

DIY brief harness

You’ve probably seen the brief style harnesses around—you can easily make your own and use them as a packing holder! Very comfy, pretty cheap, quite easy to do. The only negative is that in this particular style, the packer would hang outside of your briefs, so there is extra risk of getting your packer caught in your zipper. Just be careful and you’ll be fine! Get an extra small O-ring if you want to particularly use it as a packer and that will help it stay in better.

The straps are mostly elastic and cotton, so they can easily be machine washed or washed by hand.

A note about keeping your packer clean!

Silicone packers should be cared for like other silicone strap-on products: use soap and water to wash it down before and after use, and disinfect it on occasion (I usually do a big batch of cock soup and disinfect silicone toys I’ve used about once a month). You can immerse them in boiling water for 5 minutes, or you can put them on the top rack of the dishwasher (no soap!), or wash them in a 10% bleach/90% water solution—all of those will disinfect silicone.

You can’t disinfect elastomer, soft skin, and other composite plastic packers, however, so please don’t boil your packy … you’ll melt it. They need a simple washing of soap and water before and after use, and regular corn starch dustings. After they are dry completely, put them in a plastic bag or your storage bag with a tablespoon or so of corn starch and make sure the corn starch covers the whole thing. Corn starch will help it stay feeling velvety, and not be sticky to the touch.

From soft to hard packing

If you want to go out packing soft and then switch to something hard in order to get your play on, well, I salute you! Is there an easy way to do that, aside from taking off your pants, taking off your packer and strap, pulling on your harness and strap-on, and putting your pants back on?

Not exactly. While there are some really excellent pack and play strap-on cocks out there, none of them are universally loved, and none are as comfortable as soft packers like these.

Honestly, hard packing is a whooooole other subject, and one that I willingly and eagerly tackle. (You know. For science. For you.) Stay tuned for the next installation of Sugarbutch Guide to Cock Confidence all about hard packing.

P.S.– This post is brought to you by readers like you, and sponsored by tranzwear.com, who have generously offered to give away cocks to three lucky commenters. You get your pick of size and color for the Mr. Limpy, Masho, or PackIT soft packers. Just comment with your favorite packing advice or product or story to enter. Winners will be drawn at random one week from today (Aug 14th).Good luck! The contest is over! Thanks to Tranzwear for providing the excellent packers.

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47 Comments


  1. I soft pack primarily with the small Mr. Limpy. I like the feel of it and the fact that I can manipulate it easier than, say, the Mr. Right, which I’ve found to be too firm for my liking. If I want to be more subtle with it, I tuck it a bit lower, when I want more swagger, I pack with it higher, which I called cock proud once and the term has just stuck.

  2. I do find that my Vixen Goodfella (http://bit.ly/1A1fDYU) makes a pretty decent pack’n player. It’s small enough to hide over my thigh (I tuck mine under the Joque spare parts), and since it’s dual-density (soft on the outside, harder silicone core) it’s great for spontaneous fucking. If I were to win, I’d like the Pack IT! Heavy in Dark Brown. I’ve never had a soft-packer before…I’m excited about it. :)

  3. My partner just recently ended up buying a flamboyant Andrew Christian (maker of gay boy underwear) jock strap for packing with, and she loves it! It was more expensive than the Aslan packing harness that she wanted to get and couldn’t because it was out of stock, but it cost less than the Joque, and a generic jock strap would work just as well. This particular one tickled her fag sensibilities and she likes being able to pee with it still attached to her body just by pulling the packer foward and out of the way. :) I like it because a jock strap is a masculine item, and those sorts of things blow my skirts up.

  4. My partner packs using the Rodeoh briefs and though he enjoys them, you’re right, sometimes having your packer outside the brief can be nerve wracking. He’s actually considering switching to the Tranzwear Tommy Hilfiger briefs for the same class with a bit more confidence.

    Thanks for the post as always, Sinclair:)

  5. Milwaukee’s Tool Shed Toys has several clean looking, fairly universal strap options, including jock strap types or just little pouches. I wish there were more mini sized packers out there, or I wish that the makers of the Mr. Limpy/Softy made more varieties. Uncut, nestled in the balls, sticking out to one side, etc. As a transmasculine person who has sex with other transmasculine people, there’s no feeling quite like pulling down a lover’s pants to find you have identical dicks.

  6. i’ve never quite picked up the nerve to leave my house while packing! i’ve played with the whole ‘bundled sock’ thing and enjoyed it, and i even bought a pack n play from tantus thinking that it would be the best to just have something i could ‘whip out’ after going dancing downtown with my partner. it was way too inflexible to pack comfortably, though – it either left a huge bulge or twisted against me painfully.

    its funny, because i have this one friend who recently started packing, and they always look at me like we’re part of some secret club – i don’t have the heart to tell them i actually don’t pack, even though i’d kind of like to! maybe i’ll have to try out one of these options sometime soon…

  7. Hi! I love your site and reading all of your different articles. I’ve been following your guide to cockconfidence: soft packing avidly, but you mentioned in part one that you would explore femmes and packing in this one. I am incredibly eager to hear your take on this, I know good things come to those who wait. But I’m not very good at waiting. Most people I know avoid the idea of a femme who packs. Hearing a discussion of it at all would be refreshing.

  8. right now, the trans*masculine folx i know have started looking into new packers away from the mr. limpy, since everyone didn’t want to have the same dick. i ended up getting the doc johnson pack it lite and adore it, packing where and when possible, with the help of some modified papi jockstraps. after wearing it for about two months, it’s gotten this nice lean to the left and the shading’s settled in nicely. i’ve been considering modifying it into a STP device, but since it’s my first cock, i’m kind of worried about destroying it and having to bond with another packer. i love the extra confidence wearing the cock imparts.

  9. I was naive when I purchased my first soft packer. I thought that it needed to be biggggg but come to find out it’s not realistic if it’s too big. I have had the medium sized Mr softy for over 10 years now and I like the way it feels and looks. I use a packing strap with it and still fear that it might work its way out at times especially when I’m dancing. I may have to look into a SpareParts replacement because I use one of their harnesses and love it. We shall see.

    Thanks for the article. Very informative!

  10. Oh, this broke recent-grad would kill to win one. ;) I’m still in my pack-with-sock days. Honestly, reading the bit above about one person being really into people packing with socks made me grin. My partner loves it when I pack; she’s trans* too, so there’s a lot more acceptance there than I’ve found with many cis partners.

  11. I have fantasies of packing under my skirts but I haven’t gotten to live them out yet. I’d love to win and make some stories to tell.

  12. i have yet to pack, unless you count the time i was ron jeremy, but i think that goes beyond just packing and more taking the whole vacation…

  13. I’ve enjoyed your guide and I’m looking forward to the one on hard packing. My partner really likes it when I pack. I had been curious about the Number One STP, it was nice to see it in the guide.

    Winning a new packet would just be a nice bonus. Mr. Limpy is looking a bit written out after a couple of years :)

  14. I really appreciate this post! I’m happy to see how many affordable packers there are. I’m definitely pretty femme but I love my boxer briefs and I really want to try out packing. I also love the femme cock tag on this post a lot. :)

  15. I’ve always been a DIYer– I made a soft pack out of socks in a nylon that I stitched until it sat ‘just so,’ but I’m very interested in trying an actual soft pack.

  16. I pack with a mr. Softy, (note, that counterintuitively, the mini is more visible than the small bc perma-erect) but this side by side comparison is really helpful. Plenty of DIY packing straps available online but it’s also good with a rodeo harness!

  17. Thank you for this post! I’ve been binding as much as possible, but am still just starting to look into packing. I love how much information this post contains and how it is aimed at anyone who wants to pack. Kiran had a good point about not all having the same dick, so I’ll have to check what the people closest to me pack with. I still feel unsure about where I’ll end up on the gender spectrum, but I have been wanting to try packing, especially as I love photos of me in my binder and the way boxer briefs have room for a packer (and need to be careful with finances). Thank you Mr. Sexsmith!

  18. Thanks for a phenomenal blog. Packing….mmmm….there is nothing like it in the world. As a Top, packing is fundamental. A great pair of briefs, a great packer, and a great submissive = a great night. Winning a new packer would definitely ease the financial strain of getting a new one (been in the market). I’d love to get the chance to try a new and different kind. Send one my way and I’d be one ecstatic butch!

  19. I didn’t realize this was about stories. Let me tell you about taking a date to the ballet. Now I use the men’s restroom, but I didn’t then. Well, I had to piss during the intermission, so I went to the women’s restroom and when I pulled my pants down, my packer went flying to the floor and rolled out of the stall while the bathroom was filled with bodies. Sunday afternoon at the ballet = lots of old ladies. So I made a split-second decision to rush out of the stall with my pants around my knees and pick the thing up before anyone hopefully could figure out what was going on. Walked out of the bathroom with my head held high. That was 10 years ago. I still have the same packer. Time for a new one.

  20. As I mentioned on FB, this excellent and well researched!
    Thank you so much for the information. :-)

  21. Yes, I would love to win one. I’m struggling with finding the right look and comfort with packing. Down right frustrating!

  22. Great article, very informative! I would love to win one of these :-)

  23. My gf loves it when I wear the strap on and surprise her in bed. She’d love it if I packed for a date.

  24. I love semi-hard packing. The Shilo Pack and Play, which i heard about through this blog, is awesome. It’s noticable, especially on a tiny frame like mine, so loose jeans or a long coat is sometimes good. But it’s bendable, so it is possible to keep it hidden. But it makes things like walking, running, going about your business like you don’t have a stiff cock, harder. Harder.

    I also have used a soft pack once or twice, and I’d like to try again. Shilo is a little awkward, but exciting, for you and your partner(s).

    I use it with the RodeoH briefs harness, and it’s pretty comfortable for a 8 hour outing.

  25. I started off using a Masho but found it was way too small for me. I use a Sailor now (I think). The problem I am having is that I am a big guy and packing briefs are expensive and packing harnesses aren’t big enough. Most of the time, I just don’t bother. :/

  26. Thank you for posting such informative blogs to help us newbs. I recently got married and my wife has really taken me out of my shell. She’s made it so I feel more comfortable about my fascination with having and using a cock. She’s also mentioned a few times how hot it would be to pack in public and taken advantage of her ;). I love reading everyone’s comments and suggestions as I don’t know the first thing about being discreet in public while packing. I’m pretty masculine and often am mistaken for male, even w a large chest, however I’m not comfortable w having a noticeable bulge so it’s nice to see there are so many options! Thanks for the post Sinclair!

  27. Genderfuckers :-) pick me! I’d love an uncut packer. That’s definitely more like I see myself than my current Mr. Limpy.

  28. My Sir wore his new packer last night. I don’t know what it’s called but he got it from Good Vibes and it’s awesome. He made me feel it through his pants and then run my mouth over it through his jeans. I got lipstick on his pants, much to his delight. Mmm, I love it when he packs. Would love to get him another one, too. :o)

  29. I have tried packing with a sock sometimes, but that didn’t really work for me. Good to see other DIY’s, will try them soon! Of course an actual packer would be cool too.

  30. I love packing with the mini Mr. Softy. It’s the perfect size for me (even though I’m tall) and my girlfriend loves telling me how hung I am when I use it. Plus, the perks of her wanting to grab me whenever she feels like it. I made my own packing strap; I used a jock strap and sewed an extra bit of fabric onto the back of it to create a pocket so the packer wouldn’t fall out or rub against my skin.

  31. I packed regularly when I was younger with a fancy soft skin STP but I found the pee function difficult to use and because I was always wet, the soft skin was constantly sticky and uncomfortable. I stopped for a long time but now I have a Sir who happens to be driven crazy by my packing so I made myself a new one out of some old socks. It’s a little more intricate than a rolled up sock–I sewed it up so it has a dick (also uncircumcised!) and balls. Because it’s cotton, I can safety pin it right to my underwear and throw it into the washer whenever I want. The only thing is that the sock I used was grey, which looks a little odd when I put it on. I’ve been thinking about making a new one from some purple or green fabric.

    I’m definitely in favor of staying on the small size! Whenever I put something larger in my pants, it reminds me of walking around with a pad on, which is not sexy to me… But something smaller, enough to see (and grab when my Sir pushes me up against things) is pretty great.

  32. I’d love to give one of these a try! We’ve only ventured into strap-on territory, but I’d love to surprise my husbutch with this on a date :)

  33. I’ve wanted to pack for along time, but I’m a bit wary since my partner is an abuse survivor so there’s a whole mess of crap in that trying to navigate how to respect that and my own desires too… I’d love to hear your thoughts on navigating that space- because I have no idea!!!

  34. I want to try one of these amazing products. Have never felt confident enough to before but I feel it is time.

  35. I have a Mr. Softy and I love packing under skirts or dresses. Gives me an extra swagger. I personalized my packer when I bought it using several discarded pieces of jewelry to give my dick some piercings. Makes it feel more mine to know it’s got a big ole Prince Albert hanging on it.

  36. I am so short and slight I have a hard time finding packers that don’t look like I’m sporting the world’s biggest hard-on. On the other hand sometimes that’s the look you want. I usually wear briefs so I’m not that worried about it falling out, but it can move around uncomfortably sometimes. I’ve found taking a small sock (I usually use a striped or brightly colored one) and cutting a hole in the heel then pulling the shaft through the hole and nestling the balls in the toe of the sock creates a DIY packing pouch I can then pin to the inside of my underwear if I want a little extra stability.

  37. I have packed hard many times, but think soft packing would be great for every day.

  38. I’m another of the sock-packer fan club, haven’t bought a dedicated packer yet. I do have a RodeoH that I got for play then repurposed it with a skinny sock with more socks in, and boxers to cover up my sockcock. From my limited experience, my only good bits of advice are to secure that bulge so it won’t escape (but hey, with escaping sockcocks you can just feign that your socks got static-stuck in your pant leg in the laundry), and to refrain from going overboard on size.

  39. I’m pleased to see that uncut packers are starting to become available. I have a solid awareness of what I “should” have in my pants, and the regular Mr. Limpy is not quite right, though it’s close.

  40. I have never packed with anything other than socks. Being able to pack with not socks would be awesome and I think it would encourage me to pack more often. The information here has really pointed me in the right direction. Thanks!!

  41. Thank you so much for the cornucopia of packer info! I’d been looking for something like this.

    I’m currently without a cock and still hesitant about purchasing one. The first person (a family member) I expressed my desire for a packer to, subsequently shamed me fairly savagely. I keep having to remind myself that affirming my needs isn’t “sick”. Having a sense of humor about it helps. . .

    Anyway, I think one day I’d like the uncircumcised “Pierre”, but the “Masho” looks like a great beginners choice. Sadly, all my money is going toward utility bills right now, so I’m mainly just window gazing all the dicks.

  42. I can only rave about the Joque Spareparts harness I have. I’ve never quite had the confidence to pack in public, but it’s GREAT for my in-the-bedroom-only dick. I really need to look into their packing underwear line once I get up the courage to bring my dick out of the closet, as it were.

    • YES the spareparts joque harness is awesome. I packed with the Share through the airport…felt pretty good about it. This time I’m gonna pack with my smaller Goodfella, should be pretty good. :)

  43. I’ve fantasized about packing but haven’t gotten the chance to. I think I could pull it off and it would go well with my bow tie!

  44. I just joined a drag troupe and this would be perfect! I have one that’s alright, but this looks much more realistic.

  45. thank you for your review and advise for someone just starting out with packing i found this very positive and informative.

  46. Mr. Sexsmith you are a pioneer and visionary. Beautiful. Having your honest reflections would be an honor.

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    We will be producing a diverse growing line of Boutique soft silicone toys including packers. Yes InJoyUs can be worn for hours.

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